You can’t order your heart - and you can fall in love with anyone, including a married man. When this happened to me, I did not dare to figure out the issue myself and went for a consultation with a psychologist. I will share what I have learned on the topic of feelings towards married men and behavior in such a situation.
The most important thing is not to blame yourself. The sphere of feelings and attachments cannot be completely controlled consciously. It is not your fault that the romantic interest arose. So don't judge yourself, shame yourself, or criticize yourself. This will only make your condition worse.
A terrible sin or a fateful turn?
CONTENT:
In the Bible, adultery is considered a terrible sin. In the Old Testament, libertines were supposed to be stoned. Modern society has moved away from common truths, but on a subconscious level, fear remains. And this is normal, since there are laws of life, breaking which a person loses energy and goes astray.
A love triangle will not work out without the consent of the man. The demand is primarily on him, because it was he who swore an oath to love and protect his wife for the rest of his life. At the beginning, the mistress may not know about the marriage; men confess when feelings flare up.
Women who get involved with married men are divided into 4 types:
- Unaware of their lover's marriage. An open relationship begins, which turns first into a habit, then into strong feelings. A man has to confess about his marriage, which leads to the separation of lovers or the breakup of a family.
- Initially looking for easy relationships with married men to avoid obligations. Such young ladies are characterized by a strong-willed character and balanced actions. The connection does not lead to serious consequences; after a while, the lovers separate.
- Women who seduce wealthy men for the sake of material well-being. The most unpleasant case. But such situations happen often. It is difficult for men to resist beautiful young ladies who set the goal of seducing and taking away a “material object” from the family.
- Women who really fall in love. No one is immune from sudden love. People can live for years in marriage without realizing the lack of feelings. When two unfree people meet and fall in love, their further union can be justified.
All cases have a common psychological reason: women do not love themselves. A mistress cannot go out with a married man in public; she is nearby on important days of his life. She has to share him with another woman. Such conditions will not be accepted by a woman who respects and values herself.
If an open relationship is satisfactory, or the partners experience mutual love, no one can judge them. No matter how hard it is for wives, such situations do not happen just like that. It is important to understand what actions, thoughts and actions led to this situation.
What does a relationship with a married man say?
About the search for love and the lack of inner freedom. Falling in love with a married man, a woman expects the first step from him: when he leaves his family and proposes. Mistresses have been waiting for years for their heroes, who feed them with promises and swear eternal love.
Genetically, women are stronger than men. They suffer for years, experience depression and stress, but continue to hope for a bright future.
Psychologists say that most lovers experience a victim complex. They are convinced that love is not given for nothing, it must be earned, suffered, and cried. They are ready to devote many years of their lives to waiting and suffering. Statistics show that only 10% of men leave their wives for their mistresses, and only 3% of them live happily ever after with new passions. As a rule, such an alliance falls apart after a few years.
How not to behave with a married lover
It seems that what we talked about above is not at all something too abstruse. Everything is obvious and does not require deep thought. However, most women who get involved with married men for some reason behave differently. The result of such erroneous behavior is usually conflicts, suffering, separation and other troubles. The reason for this is actions that a lady cannot do in such a relationship. What kind of actions are these?
- You cannot demand that a man get a divorce and constantly interfere in his family relationships. It’s better not to touch on the topic of these relationships at all. If he himself begins to tell something about his wife, it would be more correct to listen silently, without expressing his opinion;
- You cannot openly make efforts to advertise your relationship, forcing your lover to appear together in society. If he wants the relationship to remain a secret, then so be it. Keep your tongue locked, otherwise a big scandal may happen, the consequences of which will be disastrous;
- You can’t be too annoying, call your lover if he doesn’t ask for it, and constantly try to meet him somewhere. It’s better to let him call himself when he can, and make appointments himself;
- You cannot beg for gifts or extract money from a man. If he deems it necessary, he will make a gift and give money. There is no need to openly ask about this - he will decide that he is being used and will stop trusting him;
- You can’t blame a man for not showing up for a long time and throw him tantrums. People don’t go to their mistresses for another conflict. And if this happens again, they are abandoned;
- You can’t go headlong into a relationship, forgetting about yourself. We must always remember that he is not free, and therefore cannot yet become the meaning of life;
- You cannot try to tie a man to you by constantly asking him to help with something, asking him about where he has been and what he has done, and so on. This is an attempt on his freedom, which his wife probably always practices anyway;
- You can’t talk all the time about your great love and that life without a lover is impossible. This will not make him more determined to change anything for the better.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_g8tBF2y1E&feature=relmfu
Of course, everything we talked about does not guarantee a happy future with a married man. To our great regret, the stronger sex treats relationships on the side rather frivolously. As long as the mistress’s behavior is satisfactory, they willingly meet with her, sleep with her, and communicate. And if it stops satisfying them, they disappear, saying goodbye: “You knew that I have a family, what are your complaints?” No, it's not all that terrible, of course. It happens that they marry mistresses. But who can know if this will happen? So isn’t it better not to make your happiness dependent on a married man? Even if it turned out that he became loved, let everything take its course. And we will try to treat this as calmly as possible. Time will put everything in its place.
How to end a relationship with a married man?
If a woman is satisfied with everything, there is no need to look for a way out. But if the relationship brings nothing but pain and disappointment, it's time to think about how to put an end to the destructive episode of life.
Men rarely have lovers with serious intentions. The main reason is the search for new emotions and sensations. Cheaters rarely share their secrets with their mistresses, talk about their plans and goals. There is no complete trust between them. A woman who puts herself in second place does not command respect from the stronger sex. This is the main reason why men rarely marry their mistresses.
If a woman intends to refuse a supporting role, psychologists recommend using the following tips:
- First, minimize meetings, then completely reduce them to zero. As soon as the lover becomes uncomfortable, the man will stop showing interest.
- Occupy your thoughts with outside information. If you have feelings, it won't be easy at first. To get through a difficult period, keep yourself busy: chat with friends on abstract topics, go to the gym, yoga, read books.
- Delete all reminders of your ex-lover: photos together, phone number, messages, etc.
- Take a closer look at other men. Many will say that until a woman analyzes and experiences the situation, it is pointless to look for a new relationship. But this is about attention to other men, and not about creating new relationships. Take a closer look at new faces, note for yourself what you like about them and what irritates you. In this way, you will take your mind off sad thoughts and discover a lot of new things. Often, new sympathy allows you to get over a breakup faster.
But the most important advice is to love yourself. A married man who cannot make a choice is not worth a woman’s tears and insults. If a woman loves and values herself, such personalities will not come across her path. Remember, the answers to all questions lie within ourselves. A psychologist will not be able to help if a woman does not realize her mistakes.
Is there a chance for a relationship with a married man?
If you have feelings for a married man, do not rush to blame yourself. With mutual love, relationships can become happy. All the suffering will go to the wife.
Analyze the reasons for the appearance of a married man in your life. They are not random. Find out what drives them; you probably haven’t dreamed of playing the role of a mistress.
Think about what relationships give you? Do you feel good when your lover goes home to his wife? If an easy relationship brings comfort to both parties, nothing needs to be changed. Enjoy pleasant moments and enjoy life.
Think about whether you consciously entered into a relationship. Many women associate themselves with married men to avoid the responsibilities of a serious relationship.
Can this relationship make you happy? How do you see things moving forward once the passion subsides? Are you satisfied with the life of a lover in two families? If it hurts to share a man with his wife, then you need to solve the situation.
Being a lover is a difficult mission. Only a few feel comfortable in this role. In all other cases, women fight internally. They are simultaneously tormented by remorse, unbearable pain and love.
Some women regularly surround themselves with married men. The reason is internal problems that have been going on since childhood. In this case, you need to contact a specialist and find a behavioral cause.
In most cases, a relationship with a married man does not end in favor of the mistress. If the marriage breaks up, it is not a fact that the man will be left with a “backup option.” If problems begin in the family, the divorce will take place without a mistress. A woman on the side is a joy that allows you to temporarily escape from family problems.
Of course, there are exceptions. When there are sincere feelings between a mistress and a married man. In this case, demand that he take a decisive step, otherwise you will remain a “reserve airfield.”
What to do with feelings for a married man
Actually, there are few options, or rather just three
Be content with the role of mistress
Actually, if you are satisfied with periodic, infrequent meetings and the likely lack of prospects for this relationship, then perhaps you don’t need to do anything. Just be honest with yourself - you really should be satisfied with everything.
Take it away from your wife
The topic is complex, and one short article is not enough to cover it properly. So I’ll just say the most basic things. First of all, it is necessary to find out what the man lacked in his legal wife, that he decided to cheat. And give him what he wants.
For example, he lacked support - surround him with attention and respect. He felt not successful enough - praise more often, admire him, and so on. In short, become a solution to a man’s psychological problems and demonstrate that relationships can be different, happy, joyful, different from those he has with his wife.
It is equally important that he is interested in you, both in bed and outside of it. It is not at all necessary to thoroughly understand his hobbies and profession. But you need to be curious about them, as well as have your own interests and a broad outlook in general.
Don't develop relationships
In the long run, this option is the best, although it may not seem so at first. First of all, you are not destroying the family. Secondly, do not enter into a relationship that often has no future in the form of marriage or has to wait a very long time for it.
But feelings cannot be removed simply by wanting it. Here's what you can do:
- Channel your energy into creativity. If you draw, write, dance, or do something with your hands, then feelings can be a huge source of inspiration. Don't ignore him.
- Look for flaws in your chosen one. Nobody is perfect, and even with rose-colored glasses of love, you are guaranteed to find disadvantages in your loved one. Write them down, at any opportunity, focus your attention on them and look for new ones. This will help you become disappointed and fall out of love over time.
- Keep yourself busy with something good. Studying, working, meeting with friends, making new acquaintances, repairs and general cleaning and decluttering the house - these and any other activities that are useful for you will help you take your mind off things. There will simply be practically no time left to think about your “prince.”
- Knock out a wedge with a wedge. Go on dates and meet other men. Nothing serious will necessarily come of it, but it will distract you and change your focus.
If a man is aware of your feelings and, for his part, takes some steps towards you, then do not give him a chance. Be categorical and cut this person out of your life - do not meet, do not communicate on personal topics, do not accept help or gifts.
Be sure to find support - it could be a psychologist, mother, sister, close friend, in general, anyone who can help you morally and not judge you.
