Among the many problems in society that cannot be eliminated is alcoholism. It affects different areas of life, influencing social processes, the psychological state and the biological basis of people’s lives. Psychologists are confident that alcoholism should be considered as a disease that is caused by an excessive addiction to drinking alcoholic beverages, resulting in the formation of a stable dependence of a physical and psycho-emotional nature.
This addiction destroys the functionality of the body, but unlike other ailments it is associated with strong psychological dependence.
Let's look at a psychologist's advice on how to live with an alcoholic husband and how to return him to normal life.
How to live with an alcoholic husband? Psychologist advises
The trouble is that when you become an alcoholic, your normal state of mind feels like torture.
I guess that's what it means to become an alcoholic. Iris Murdoch. Italian
- 1. Describe the current situation
- 2. Pay attention to yourself
- 3.Have a confidential conversation
- 4.Ask for help
- 5.Move on with your life
- 6. Several recommendations from expert psychologists
- 7.What NOT to do
- 8.Conclusion
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Describe the current situation
Finding yourself under the same roof with an alcoholic is an unenviable fate for a woman and other family members.
Such closeness puts pressure morally and physically. Due to the destructive addiction of the head of the family, all household members lose energy and are forced to spend time on completely irrational efforts. Alcoholism provokes financial expenses, the inability to form a family budget, which leads to poverty and misery. Children, who cannot help but understand the complexity and destructiveness of what is happening, feel the situation especially strongly. The child begins to perceive reality distortedly, his value system is tested, and his physical and moral health deteriorates.
A woman is forced to go through all these problems through herself. She faces a difficult choice - to let everything take its course, fight her husband’s addiction, or leave the alcoholic in order to ensure a healthy and prosperous existence for herself and her children.
Before making a decision, it is necessary to analyze the situation and find out which category the dependent spouse belongs to
:
- The group of quiet alcoholics who do not show aggression, do not conflict with others, and at home after drinking alcohol quickly fall asleep. Typically, such people turn to alcohol 2-3 times a week, drinking it at home. They fall into the category of violent addicts, characterized by aggressive behavior and lack of self-control. Such a person is capable of using physical force against family members and can sell things from home. He often goes on binges for a long time.
If you are faced with the second situation, then you need qualified help with addiction treatment in a clinic.
If the alcoholic refuses or treatment is ineffective, then he will have to take care of himself and the children, and therefore separate from his spouse. This step is not easy; often a woman experiences pressure from her immediate environment, a society that does not accept the wife’s position. Therefore, she begins to suffer from remorse, taking responsibility upon herself. This is fundamentally wrong, since concern for the life and health of children is paramount. In the initial stage of alcoholism, when there is no aggression and the spouse behaves generally adequately, efforts should be made and fight to cure the spouse.
I constantly quarrel with my husband, what should I do?
Living with an alcoholic - what NOT to do
Every person and every situation is unique, so there is no one-size-fits-all method. Dealing with alcoholism is a long process: you need to learn to adapt to change and be willing to change your point of view and your attitude.
Here are some things you SHOULD and SHOULD NOT do. Read them several times or print them out.
Don't blame yourself
Alcoholics often try to shift responsibility for their behavior onto other people or circumstances. Since you are the closest, you will be attacked especially often. Whenever your husband/wife tries to convince you that it is your fault that he is using, don’t believe it. All people have problems, but not all are alcoholics. Alcoholism is an addiction. Perhaps your spouse feels guilty and feels bad. By shifting the blame onto you, he is thereby trying to find an excuse for himself. This is his way of feeling better.
Remember: unless you force someone to drink, YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT SOMEONE DRINKS.
Don't cover
You may feel ashamed of your spouse or the situation surrounding your drinking. But if you cover for him or lie in his favor, you don’t make him better and you definitely don’t help. In fact, this is denial of the problem. Alcoholism is your reality, be honest with yourself. By hiding the problem from the outside world, you create a “safe” bubble in which the alcoholic will continue to drink. With this behavior you only support drunkenness.
Don't try to control or treat
You will probably be tempted to try everything possible to prevent your wife/husband from drinking alcohol. Perhaps you will throw away or hide the bottles, perhaps try to punish him somehow.
Important! Negative stimulation or punishment does not work. Worse, your partner is likely to feel upset, humiliated, lonely, hurt and angry. All this is another reason for drinking.
Additionally, you need to know that the effects of alcohol withdrawal after heavy binge drinking can be extremely dangerous, so never try to take your spouse through detox on your own. This must be done in a medical setting.
Alcoholism is a serious disease and you cannot control it unless your spouse wants you to. You can seek help for yourself, but the alcoholic must decide for himself whether he wants help or not.
Don't tolerate inappropriate behavior
Under the influence of alcohol, people often commit rash acts. “I was drunk, I don’t remember anything” is not an excuse. You must make it clear that such behavior is unacceptable to you. Abusive behavior is unacceptable for both sober and drunk people. Be firm. Otherwise, you won’t even notice how you will find yourself in a humiliating, toxic relationship.
Don't let me drink!
This may seem surprising: how can I allow my spouse to drink if I myself suffer from it? Most likely, this happens unconsciously. For example, here are a few ways:
- You turn away from the problem . If you don't bring up the topic of alcoholism or accept his drinking as a given, you are silently encouraging it.
- You are hiding the fact of drunkenness . By covering up for your spouse's alcohol problems, you become an accomplice in his eyes. It may look strange, but he takes it as a sign of understanding and approval.
- You give in
. Never buy alcohol and/or drink with an alcoholic. Don't cover it up. If he messed something up while drunk, let him handle it himself. Otherwise, you take full responsibility for the drinker's use and behavior.
Pay attention to yourself
Psychologists say that in the family of an alcoholic, the wife will be codependent and herself needs professional help and support.
Try to understand that male drunkenness is caused by men's lack of confidence in their abilities, difficulties at work, conflict situations in the family and pressure from their spouse for this reason. Try to look at the system of relationships with your spouse and your behavior in the family. How often do you show love, participation and care, rather than routinely spending time with each other?
According to statistics, the eternal dissatisfaction of the spouse and her constant nagging are the catalyst that forces men to take the path of antisocial behavior. This behavior can be explained simply - by the desire to disappear and forget problems for a while.
Note!
It is necessary to see in your spouse your beloved soul mate, a reliable and caring father.
Emphasize that you are dependent on him, respect him and his efforts to provide the family with everything necessary. Moral support can push a man to the heights of success. The man’s guilt is undoubtedly present and it is enormous.
He often gives reasons for criticism, but comments should be made delicately, without turning into abuse, humiliation and insults. Don't forget to take care of your appearance. This is necessary, first of all, for yourself. But the man will also feel his need for you. Life scenario of personality formation
Content:
- Possible problems: 1.1. Financial difficulties. 1.2. Emerging diseases. 1.3. Family relationships.
- Is it worth living with an alcoholic: the emotional state of loved ones.
- How to live with an alcoholic: advice from a psychologist: 3.1. What to do if you live with an alcoholic.
Alcoholism destroys thousands of families. Indeed, not every person is ready to put up with the endless whirlpool of binges, abstinence and very short periods of “enlightenment”. Moreover, situations when the addict himself voluntarily agrees to come to a narcologist are rather an exception to the general rule. And yet, is it possible to live with an alcoholic?
Is it possible to persuade him to undergo treatment and return to normal life?
A few recommendations from expert psychologists
An alcoholic husband, what should a wife do?
To successfully go through the path of curing a spouse from alcoholism, you need to focus on
a number of rules
:
- honestly admit that you are helpless against your spouse’s addiction and need the help of a psychologist; separate the personality of your loved one and the alcoholic; admit that alcoholism is a disease; show concern, gentleness, care, but do not look for the guilty on the side or in yourself; do not sacrifice yourself for the sake of an alcoholic, feel the value of your life; drive away the feeling of fear, guilt, helplessness; develop, form new positive acquaintances; stop promoting sobriety and instead demonstrate its value and benefits.
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Causes of codependency
The bad habits of one of the family members are the most common sources of such subordination among loved ones. However, this phenomenon can manifest itself in other conditions and even in completely prosperous families. Therefore, in order to determine if there is codependency in alcoholism, and how to get rid of it, you should understand what the hidden reasons for such behavior are.
The sources of an unpleasant phenomenon in favorable conditions can be:
- insufficient self-realization of the individual;
- childhood abuse;
- suffered shocks and states of shock;
- constant psychological pressure.
Codependency usually affects the life of the entire family. It manifests itself in excessive care shown by one family member towards others, infringement of one’s own interests, and the desire to show everyone that life is prosperous.
Treatment methods
A person almost always denies codependency in alcoholism. How to get rid of a problem that is not even taken seriously? Only a competent psychologist or psychiatrist can help.
The alcoholic is of the opinion that his libations are not serious. He is confident that he can leave this activity at any time. The codependent explains his deviations by saying that he wants to support the patient and help him. And in his opinion, this is quite obvious. Therefore, treatment of codependency begins with awareness of the presence of the disease.
When the patient admits that he is sick, psychological therapy begins, which includes:
- individual conversations;
- learning how to cope with stressful situations;
- classes with a psychologist as part of a group of the same patients, communication with them;
- learning the skills of a calm and harmonious existence.
As a result of such treatment, the codependent must see his life from the outside. Only after this will he be able to understand what needs to be done and what model of behavior to choose for communicating with loved ones.
Psychoses
These are disturbances in the mental activity of a dependent person, developing at stage II or III of the disease. All psychoses are divided into several varieties.
Hallucinosis
Psychosis that develops during periods of hangover or prolonged drinking bouts.
- A person orients himself in time and place.
- The patient is clearly conscious.
- Rare visual and tactile hallucinations, predominance of auditory hallucinations. Such manifestations are accompanied by attempts to run away and hide from danger.
- Persecution mania.
- Low emotional background – fear, gloominess, gloominess.
- Arming with items for protection.
- Attacking others in an attempt to avoid perceived aggression.
Delirium
Psychoses that occur during alcohol withdrawal.
Patient behavior:
- Excitement, aggressiveness.
- Lack of orientation in time and space.
- Aversion to alcohol.
- A sharp change in mood - joy is replaced by melancholy and depression.
- Tremor of the limbs.
- Restless sleep.
- Hallucinations.
Panic attacks
Seizures that occur after excessive drinking of alcohol.
Behavioral norms:
- Inexplicable fear.
- Nervous excitability.
- The patient complains of poor condition, feels alternating heat and cold, trembling, and fainting.
Paranoid
Psychosis characterized by acute, subacute or chronic delusional disorder.
Patient behavior:
- Systematic delusions with a predominance of negatively colored emotions - jealousy, persecution, poisoning.
- Lack of adequate assessment of reality.
- Incontinence, anger, or, conversely, lethargy.
- Lack of control over the ethics and morality of one’s own behavior.
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Depression
A condition that occurs during alcohol withdrawal.
- Melancholy, irritability, mood swings, tearfulness.
- Blaming others for indifference.
- Acute feelings of guilt and inferiority.
Antabuse psychosis
A severe form of mental disorder that occurs during treatment of an alcoholic with certain drugs.
- Manic state.
- Confused consciousness.
- Paranoid and hallucinatory disorders.
Alcohol codependency and its signs
It is quite difficult for a person to accept the fact of submission. Most people completely deny codependency in alcoholism. What to do in such a situation? Initially, you should accept this problem. To do this, analyze the following criteria as honestly as possible.
Signs of alcohol codependency include:
- An excessive desire to control all the actions of the alcoholic. This leads to the drinker losing the ability to take responsibility for his actions.
- Constant self-deception that everything is fine and there is no problem.
- The lifestyle of a drunken person becomes commonplace. The family is ready to endure anything.
- Tolerance for drunken antics and the prevailing lifestyle increases.
- Own interests and needs are relegated to the background.
- The codependent feels guilty.
- Self-esteem decreases.
- A codependent is prone to depression and often has thoughts of suicide.
- Tendency to tearfulness.
- Problems arise when communicating with people.
- The codependent stops taking care of himself.
Such people, no less than the alcoholic himself, need psychological help. This problem cannot be ignored. Only competent specialists can help resolve such situations.
Stop controlling
You should not use violent or prohibitive measures to combat the alcoholism of a loved one. A drinker will always find an opportunity to drink. Therefore, there is no point in hiding money or pouring out alcohol. This will only lead the addict to the point where he will begin to sophisticatedly deceive his relatives and hide part of his salary.
Often codependents encourage a sick relative not to hide. And if he drinks, then let him drink at home. After all, this is how he is under control. But this behavior only creates more comfortable conditions for the alcoholic: he drinks in warmth and comfort, no one swears.
Eliminate comfort
Problems arising as a result of alcohol abuse must be resolved by a person himself. If you couldn’t go to work, call your boss and explain yourself. If you make a drunken brawl, do your laundry and clean up after yourself. If you borrow money, pay off your debts yourself.
Under no circumstances should a codependent perform such actions out of pity for the drunkard. By doing this, he creates comfortable conditions for the alcoholic, in which he is very pleased to be. Of course, the patient sees no point in giving up alcohol. Do not solve the problems of an alcoholic; this is an important step to overcome codependency in alcoholism.
How to behave if an addict has an attack or crisis? In such a situation, the help of loved ones is simply necessary. However, remember: help is not a glass of vodka for a hangover! This is a call to the ambulance (if the crisis seems dangerous to health) or the police (if the patient’s condition and his actions may harm loved ones).
Don't be afraid to call for help. After all, the addict at this moment is inadequate. Delay in this situation can have irreparable consequences.
