Have you ever watched fish in a dirty aquarium? They look detached and swim sadly in circles, as if they have shackles tied to their fins that are constantly pulling them down. Replace dirty water with fresh water and you will notice that the fish will begin to swim with peace instead of fear. If the “water” in which we swim is our thoughts, then we ourselves can control the degree of cleanliness of our “aquarium”. Many of us have false beliefs that were formed due to some events or people in our lives. These false beliefs are our “dirty water.” Vain doubts, self-doubt, destructive relationships - all this limits our capabilities and does not allow us to achieve what we could achieve. False beliefs change our entire lives. We begin to see her in gray.
What can a fish know about the water in which it swims all its life? Albert Einstein
But there is also good news. Unlike fish, we are able to change our “water” ourselves. Most people are slaves to their thoughts. They don’t even realize that they are able to control their thoughts. Many people make absolutely no effort to change the course of their thoughts. Perhaps this is due to some fears, or maybe they do not believe that they are worthy of “clean water”. They are used to swimming in negativity. They just took it for granted and that's it. The truth is that you are capable of cleaning your aquarium. Any time. You can greet each new day with joy, and not with the feeling that “the whole world is against you.” Build only those relationships that will make you a happy person. Surround yourself with positive people. Look for joy in everything. You can change your life by changing what it is made of. Everything starts with our thoughts and ends with them. By controlling our thoughts, we control our reality.
Remember that there is no prison worse than in the head. Victor Tsoi
Here are three ways to help you understand what “water” you are swimming in and what to do about it.
We don't learn from experience
Reflection is a certain stage in the learning process that allows you to record educational activities. It's not about the knowledge itself that you acquire, but about how you learn, whether the process itself is effective and convenient for you. In your personal development trajectory, reflection based on the analysis of the past guides you towards the future. It relates to mindfulness, which is a skill that needs to be learned.
We don't learn from experience. We learn from making sense of experience through reflection.
Thanks to reflection, we understand what is ours and what is not, what methods, methods, formats in teaching are suitable for us. Moreover, you need to reflect not just once (for example, at the end of one course), but periodically. This is a stage in any learning process that needs to be returned to constantly, as we, our goals, motives, teachers, development trajectories, and formats change.
Reflection can be situational - what is happening “here and now.” At a certain point in time, we do a brief analysis: what information am I receiving now, why do I need it, is it comfortable for me to perceive it, do I immediately remember what I need to improve the efficiency and quality of training.
Retrospective reflection is a reference to the past. During the learning process, this does not have to be done every day. We do a retrospective on logically completed blocks of training, which can be determined by ourselves or determined by the form of training itself, for example, an academic semester.
Prospective reflection is aimed at the future - how we will learn, what goals we want to achieve. This stage is necessary in building an individual trajectory of development and learning.
Reflection is a systematic process for which time is allocated, there are fixed goals and results
What does reflection give in teaching?
- Increased motivation
- Analyzing problems and finding ways to solve them
- Assessing the subjective effectiveness of the educational process
- Understanding your cognitive characteristics
High-quality reflection will help you benefit from even a “failed” course. Let's say you made a mistake in choosing an educational program - the format doesn't suit you, the teacher doesn't like you, or the atmosphere in the group. In this case, you need to not just scold yourself or those around you for not going your own way. Reflection here is necessary in order to understand which formats are not suitable for you and how to avoid this mistake in the future. You can ask yourself the following questions:
- Where did I lose motivation?
- What prevented me from achieving my goal?
- How to proceed?
Reflection is part of our prefrontal heritage, and this integrative region is also responsible for maintaining relationships and adaptive resilience, the fifth and sixth components of basic education.
"The Mindful Brain" Daniel Siegel
How to delve into yourself correctly and without women's suffering
Lifestyle
There's no need to complicate your life, man. Often everything is quite simple, as Carlin said: “You get up, get dressed, go to work, take one good shit and go to bed.” That's all. Of course, when we have a good shit, we realize that we are doing the wrong thing, that the girl doesn’t love us, they don’t respect us at work, and we read so little that any graduate of the philology department will laugh at our modest list of books read. If these unexpected thoughts appear in your head, you have every chance to engage in a painful procedure called reflection. This is an extremely useful activity that will help you realize what you are doing wrong and how to get rid of all the problems that you have created for yourself. Reflection will help you find the strength to leave the woman who got you, the job that makes you sick, and the habits that make you an asshole in the eyes of the progressive public. Reflection differs from the harmful procedure, which is called self-examination, in that when doing self-examination, you do not look at your whole life and every aspect of it from a different angle. Instead, you take a topic, look at it from all angles, think about it, and it becomes your obsession.
Today I will teach you to reflect correctly, because for a mentally healthy life it is fucking important.
Determine what is most important to you
Many people create their value system based on the views of their environment, family and the spirit of the times. All these factors tell a person that he must find a job, start a family, have children, and die in old age surrounded by grandchildren. Non-traditional subcultures tell a person to be free; love freely and not be jealous when someone else fucks your woman; protest; not have children and much more. These are two different views on life, you can accept the views of your environment, or you can not accept them. But what's best? It is best to develop your own system of values that will be yours personally and that will not cause such strong discomfort in your soul. Some people don't like the idea of having children, getting married, sleeping with the same woman for the rest of their lives, but they do it anyway because that's what they do.
Eliminate as many complicating factors as possible
Negative people, outright negativity - there are many things in the world that can be sent in a certain direction to vacuum the endless snowy steppes. We have a good article about this.
Forget what can't happen
We love to think about what could be in our lives. “If I hadn’t cheated on her then, we would still be together,” “If then I hadn’t drunk a bottle of port before the exam, I wouldn’t have been expelled.” This can't happen because it already happened! A time machine has not been invented and is unlikely to be invented, because the nature of time is peculiar and not solved. Perhaps there is no time at all. By the way, remember there was one science fiction story about time travelers who went millions of years ago and crushed a butterfly, which led to the absence of the human race in the future? But I got carried away by something, forget it, in short!
Stop beating yourself up for not being able to learn something even though you worked hard at it.
There are many useful things in reflection, which include the ability to look at a given situation from a different angle. You may be surprised to discover that your friend has pumped up much faster than you, although he allows himself too much, eats like crazy, skips workouts, but still, bitch, he looks better than you. And you try, you don’t just sweat seven times, but twelve. The problem may be body type, genetics, the wrong program and much more. But there is no need to scold yourself for this. You can always try to optimize the process, improve it, or come up with something new. Well, or look at it from the other side, and you will understand that you still have progress, but you don’t need to compare it with someone else’s, you just need to do it!
Give up everything that everyone thinks and wants from you
While thinking at the front toilet, you must realize that of all the contents of your cranium, it does not belong to you at all. These are not your thoughts, not your aspirations, not your fears, but influence from outside. Now I will say a rather seditious thing, but if your aspirations really coincide with what your loved ones are trying to impose on you, you receive a huge bonus to the quality of execution of a particular topic. If you have the support of people who think they influence you, things really start to go well for you.
But there is also a downside: if what you want from life is only the result of someone else’s influence, and so cunning that you don’t even understand it without a dose of reflection, you will feel bad. Unfulfilled ambitions, which every living person has, will crawl out of all the cracks of your subconscious, like escaping porridge from a pan. You will begin to experience stress, neuroses, you will begin to understand that you absolutely do not like life, and you will occupy yourself with all sorts of bullshit. The most important thing: you will never be able to feel that enormous satisfaction with the process, which is considered “happiness” (which, by the way, does not exist).
Force yourself to stop obsessing, complaining and worrying.
There are a lot of things in the world that make us nervous. The average person is constantly fixated on something: nervous about work, relationships, relatives, and so on. There are many things you can control, but most things in the world are beyond your control. Besides, if you completely manage your family members, your environment and your own life, you won’t have enough time for some things, and you definitely won’t be able to fully control some things. So don't be stupid, man!
Try never to complain while sitting on the push, promise everyone in the world that you will never complain about life. One insignificant complaint, which you say without thinking, will turn you into a trembling creature! Men don’t complain, this is exclusively a woman’s prerogative, necessary to attract attention to one’s person. Men do it differently. Reflect and firmly convince yourself that you will never complain. Somewhere deep inside you can complain to yourself a couple of times, but never say the complaint out loud.
And anxiety... If you think with your own head and analyze every problem, anxiety will go away on its own, and determination and slight excitement will take its place.
Reflection Tools
Reflection can be on two levels: personal and team. In the first case, diaries, electronic boards with stickers (for example, Miro) will help, even blogging on social networks is useful if you are ready to share your observations publicly. There is a simple digital tool in which you have to answer three basic questions: what did I like, what did I learn, what was missing for me. Record your results periodically and analyze them as you learn.
For team reflection, more tools are needed to systematize opinions, generalize, and structure.
"Start, Stop, Continue" method
The “Start, Stop, Continue” method is designed to quickly generate ideas and find solutions to problems. Instead of listing all the topics, grouping them, and then analyzing each one, you can jump right into specific actions.
Show the team a template divided into three areas labeled Start, Stop, Continue.
Ask the following questions:
- What should the team start doing?
- What should the team stop doing?
- What should the team continue to do?
Add your answers as digital notes in the appropriate columns. Find similarities and discrepancies. The results will be specific actions that need to be taken to improve performance.
"Mad, Sad, Glad" method
Show the team a template divided into three areas labeled Mad, Sad and Glad. Give each participant 15 minutes to list the observations they made during the learning period you specified. Ask each participant to describe their observations and place a note on the board - this should be a place that corresponds to the participant's feelings, making him happy, sad or mad (that is, some process makes the person angry). Observations should be grouped by similarity. Determine which ones are repeated more often: they are the ones that have a strong impact.
Method “Four L: Liked, Learned, Lacked, Longed For”
Show the team a board divided into 4 areas labeled Liked, Learned, Not Enough, and Aspiration. Ask the team to write down on notes what they liked, what they learned, what was missing, and what they expect. Divide the group into four subgroups, one for each L. Give them time to analyze the notes on the board and group them according to similar topics. Each group reports its findings, and then all participants discuss together what they can do to solve the problems identified.
Become aware of the false beliefs that shape your life
No one becomes an adult without “scars.” We live in a chaotic world that is beyond our control. Parents are getting divorced. Friends betray us. People often judge solely by their appearance: having acne or being overweight can be a reason for people to hate you. There is death, loneliness and internal scars that never fully heal.
Some start using alcohol and drugs. This is the only thing that can give them a shake and make them feel at least something. They call it “adjusting to an unjust world.” But in reality it is a form of escape. They will run, hide and be in the company of other people as little as possible.
Another version of the development of events is also possible: you enter adulthood and the countdown begins. Test results. University. Relationship. Interview. Fight for the best place in the office. Marriage. Children. Mortgage. Expectations. Depression. And, of course, eternal fear. You are hiding from life. All the “main action” begins to take place in your head, because it is safe there and no one can disturb you. This causes you to form a ton of false beliefs that snowball.
The above are two of the most categorical examples, however, if you do not find yourself in them, this does not mean that there are no false beliefs in your life. Here are the most common examples of common misconceptions.
I will never do anything great. I will never fall in love. I'll never be happy. I'm worthless. I owe everything to my parents. I can't. I will always have problems. I'm a victim. I'm not strong enough. If I'm not rich, no one will love me. I'm unattractive. If I don't earn this much money or achieve a certain status, I won't be able to become a good husband, dad, person, etc.
All false beliefs are directly manifested in our behavior. They determine the choices we make in work, relationships, how we communicate with parents, friends, colleagues. False beliefs influence every decision we make in life. They block many of our aspirations by telling us that we are not worthy.
Think about what your false beliefs are about love, work, people, your body, creativity, life in general? What can and cannot you actually do? What do you think you deserve?
Repeat again all the false beliefs you just listed. Now think about how your life would change if you got rid of them? Who would you be? What kind of people would surround you? What would you do with your life? Would your life be different from what it is now?
