Sometimes it happens that a long and strong friendship turns into something more and suddenly you catch yourself thinking that you want your best friend. And that's completely normal. Yes, that's right, you didn't think so.
How to accept that you want your best friend
As you know, sexual attraction to a person of the same sex is called homosexuality or bisexuality, if at the same time a person experiences similar feelings towards representatives of the opposite sex. Why should such feelings be accepted? Because this is how we are all designed, that we feel desire towards other people and not necessarily those of the opposite sex. In the countries of the post-Soviet space, different people today have different attitudes towards homosexuality. This is often a negative or wary attitude caused by a lack of information. However, it is very easy to fill it out by reading modern research, the opinions of leading psychologists, sociologists, public figures and many other authoritative persons.
In short, statistics tell us that all over the world, regardless of region, country, religious beliefs and other things, in every society there are from 3% to 10% homosexual and bisexual people.
Today there are two versions of the “nature” of homosexuality. According to the first, attraction to a person of the same sex is already genetically embedded in some of us. This opinion is supported by some people who have been aware of their homosexuality since early childhood and by some species of the animal kingdom that practice same-sex intercourse. Another version says that homosexuality is a social construct, that is, something shaped by society and the environment. As confirmation - people who realized attraction to representatives of the same sex at a later age. Oddly enough, these two versions do not contradict each other at all, and therefore many people accept the authenticity of each of them.
What if I want my best friend
According to most psychologists, it is quite difficult to keep feelings inside oneself and sometimes even harmful. Therefore, the only healthy way to cope with such a situation is to express them.
The question is that this can be done in completely different ways.
Here are some of them:
1. Express these feelings by talking about them to a friend, showing signs of attention.
2. Express feelings through creativity, some kind of activity.
3. Direct feelings to another object (another woman, man).
Which of these methods to use depends on the specific situation, the woman’s sexual orientation and many other factors. Below we will take a closer look at each of these methods and their possible consequences.
Add pepper
It has been proven that hot peppers speed up metabolism by 25% within four hours - it's all about capsaicin, which increases blood circulation and makes you burn fat more actively. In addition, it suppresses hunger and cravings for sweets and fatty foods.
Ginger has a similar effect - a Columbia University study found that drinks with ginger reduce hunger.
How to fight the virus: effective spices to strengthen the immune system
Just a couple of pinches - and your dishes are not only tasty, but also healthy.
If you want your best friend, let her know it
Of course, this is a very risky method and it is not suitable for everyone and not always.
Before taking any serious steps, test the waters. Talk to the woman you love about her views on lesbianism. You can go from afar, tell a fictitious story about a certain person who turned out to be a lesbian and see the reaction. Or offer to watch a film together that has a same-sex love story between women and watch the reaction. Try to act carefully and casually so as not to arouse suspicion.
If you see a completely positive reaction, then you can proceed further. How exactly is at your discretion. All people show their feelings differently. This is not to say that courtship between women is very different from typical heterosexual couples. Warm glances, light touches, hugs, kisses on the cheek - all this can be used. But you always need to be attentive to the feelings of another woman, notice how she reacts to your attention, whether she likes it.
Another way is to talk to your friend directly and tell her how you feel. This is a fairly serious step that requires internal effort and confidence. You need to understand that the reaction may be different.
However, according to the experience of many people who have come out (coming-out from English - come out of the closet, talk about your sexual orientation, gender identity, etc.), a lot depends on the mood of you specifically.
You need to speak confidently, showing with your tone and voice that you yourself are completely normal about your feelings, then the woman listening to you will perceive them calmly.
Be that as it may, the consequences of coming out can be different: from recognition of mutual feelings to a negative reaction, and this must be taken into account. Don't be afraid that your friend will turn out to be heterosexual and the friendship will be destroyed. True friendships can always be maintained through the efforts of both parties.
Well, if it turns out that your beloved is bisexual and lesbian, then you can safely act. But! Don't forget that if she also likes women, she is 100% likely to reciprocate your feelings. There is no need to be intrusive or overly persistent; be attentive to the woman.
Does friendship exist between a man and a woman?
Are you the life of the party, and she is your best friend who consults you about her lovers? It’s hard to see how your beloved girl is having fun with someone else, and also to advise her on what to do better...
Don’t try to be petty and advise her something that definitely won’t work - this will only destroy your trusting relationship. It’s best to try to make her fall in love with you, because real, strong love should be built on friendship and trust, and you’re already halfway there!
The best way to make a girl fall in love with you is to show her how much you mean to her. Remember, you have a huge advantage over other guys - you know all her dreams, all her secret desires, her favorite things. Give your loved one a special gift, something that she has long wanted or something that she loves very much: her favorite candies, a soft bear or a bouquet of her favorite flowers.
Don’t hide your feelings from her - lay it all out as it is. And stop acting like a friend to her! Until you become a man for her, she will never perceive you as a man.
Instead of listening to her nonsense about girlfriends, clothes and her ex-boyfriends, better go ahead and kiss her! Remember, girls don’t like kind guys, be macho to your beloved, and she herself, without realizing it, will be drawn to you.
If I want my best friend, then I get inspired to do other activities.
Quite often in life it happens that our feelings are not mutual. Well, what if we look at it differently?
It is not necessary to demand this reciprocity from the girl, because this is to some extent selfishness.
If your desire or love does not go away, you can direct it in a different direction and use it as a source of inspiration. Of course, this is not always easy and requires some effort and work on yourself. Try to understand that you can love without expecting reciprocal feelings from a person, feel these emotions within yourself and enjoy them.
As doctors say, during romantic feelings, our endocrine system releases many hormones, including hormones of happiness:
• dopamine, which, among other things, is responsible for determination and concentration;
• serotonin causes a feeling of satisfaction;
• adrenaline mobilizes the body's resources, making it capable of active activity.
If you learn to manage your feelings, you can achieve a lot in the activities that interest you. You can be creative: write music, poetry, draw. If the art direction is not your thing, then the body’s resources can be used to work on labor-intensive projects and self-improvement.
You may gain strength, attend various trainings, lectures, start learning languages, or master a new type of activity.
If reciprocity is not in the cards for you, accept it and get the maximum benefit from your feelings for yourself.
Perhaps you will be so carried away by what you love that there will be no room left for sadness and suffering.
Wish for less. How to overcome shopping cravings
The modern world instills in us a craving for consumption. We constantly want to buy. Either to heal mental wounds, or to calm the hunter’s instinct, or to cool the desire for new emotions. I want to have more to feel more significant.
If you think that the desire to buy is impossible to overcome, we are ready to argue with you. This problem is quite difficult to visualize. We have learned well how to neatly fold all our things, fit them into the interior, display them beautifully on shelves... It seems that everything is in order. But there is an effective way to literally feel like you have too much stuff. Let's imagine that you are about to make a big move. For example, to another city or country.
How many suitcases do you need to pack all your belongings? How many items can you not take with you? How many things will you leave behind by throwing them in the dumpster before a theoretical move?
You see, it’s one thing when everything is neatly placed around and seems to create an atmosphere of well-being and a fulfilling life, and quite another when you physically try to lift, load and transport everything that was recently lying on store shelves.
What would life be like if we stopped feeling the need to buy at all?
Let's say this happened. Unbridled consumption has been replaced by the joy of simple and free pleasures. Walk in nature, meditate, read a book, or get creative. By buying less, we free ourselves from debt, stress and obligations. If you have only a few things, then you don’t need a large apartment and you won’t have to rack your brains about where to store everything you’ve earned through back-breaking labor.
Of course, this is a utopia. We cannot give up all our desires. At least there is no clear example of a person who succeeded. But what if we learn to recognize our own intentions and can control them? Instead of being sad about what we don't have, we should be happy about what we have.
- Record when you feel an impulse to buy or a desire to do the same as other people. Recognize the urge to solve problems through shopping. Learn to see this moment and mentally say every time: “Oh, I want to buy something again.”
- Understand that the impulse does not have to be fulfilled, it is simply a desire that awakens in you. Accordingly, this is temporary. Feel it, feel it, but do not give in to the persuasion of your inner “hamster”.
- Limit the number of things you own. Set your own boundaries. How many items are in your bag, how many shelves do your clothes occupy, how many personal items do you have on your dressing table. This should not be done in order to feel squeezed into a framework. But in order to take a short break before a new acquisition.
- Appreciate every moment. The desire to buy things arises because we strive to gain new emotions, which means we do not value the present. We are not satisfied with what we have, we do not see how wonderful life is around us, and we spend our time in an endless race for ephemeral happiness. But in fact, even this specific minute is enough for joy. You just need to realize it.
- Enjoy the little things. This phrase is said by everyone, but now you really should listen to it. If you learn to appreciate a sip of coffee in the morning, the warmth of the sun in November, a moment of inspiration or joy, your life will be filled with emotions. And you will no longer want to buy everything. Be interested in what is happening around you. As cliché as it may sound, the coolest things are usually free.
Finally, understand that all of the above rules are long-term practice. Of course, you won't get rid of the desire to buy something in one month. But in a few weeks you can calm down this desire, control it and learn to get the right emotions and feelings from every minute. Don't blame yourself for failures: the desire to consume is persistently nurtured in us through advertising, packaging, magazines and news. It's normal to give in to temptations. But you must not give up and fight them.
