You can end up in a long-distance relationship for various reasons. Some people start romances on the Internet, others find the love of their lives at a resort, and others suddenly find themselves with a job that requires them to travel frequently. The psychology of relationships at a distance is fundamentally different from relationships built on close proximity, and not everyone is ready for such love.
Does love exist at a distance?
As for me, love is a very complex thing. What to do when you can’t see or touch your partner? How does the heart choose the soulmate we fall in love with? After all, you can’t order him. Don't get upset ahead of time. Many married couples have gone through a similar period and live together happily ever after, putting a medal in their piggy bank for the test of distance.
Feelings for a person at a distance often arise. It's hard to figure out how to store them. Nowadays, many people fall in love, thanks to social networks, without seeing the person in person. And how many people meet by chance and fall in love at concerts, on trains, visiting friends, in other cities, and so on. Among them there are those who were able to overcome the distance and meet the love of their life.
Longevity of Love
Is it possible that a rare and long-awaited meeting with a loved one will turn out to be a gift of fate? Of course. At the same time sad and fabulously romantic. How long do such feelings last? What is this kind of love called? Some are constantly in this mode, others are not ready for difficulties and prefer a partner who is nearby.
There is an unconditional fact of the positive aspect of long-distance love. Couples who have passed this stage of the relationship are faithful to each other and protect their loved one much stronger and better than those who have not gone through such a test. These people carry true, sincere love towards their loved one.
Believe and feel love
The best way to assess a situation is to be inside it.
After all, it has always been fashionable to believe in love.
Romantic guys are always appreciated by girls, and romantic girls are a classic of attractiveness.
A person without love does not live, but exists, so he reaches out to feelings, searches for them and idealizes them. Finding himself in a problematic and tragic situation, a person most often changes his point of view and literally descends from heaven to earth.
Stubborn facts
According to statistics, separation of two years or less is relatively easy to bear, especially now when video calling, phone sex and joint weekends with flights are available.
But after two years of a long-distance relationship, calls become less frequent, and there are fewer and fewer things in common. Waiting risks developing into severe depression.
Distance occurs due to the fact that you want to share everyday joys and sorrows with those who are nearby. I want to make rare meetings a holiday, and this removes true intimacy from the relationship.
You can continue to believe in love and even feel it, but you will inevitably have to admit the fact that there is less passion and sincerity in the relationship. Women suffer more acutely, as they need more tenderness and daily care.
To answer the question - does love exist at a distance, you need to continue to feel love and you will have to make a lot of mutual efforts. This is the only way to continue the relationship.
So it turns out that love at a distance turns into the work of two people, it needs to be nurtured and cherished like a baby so that it grows into a serious, adult and bright feeling.
Psychologist's advice
Sometimes we need advice in such relationships. Now I’ll tell you what psychologists say:
- First of all, you must be bosom friends. A person should be able to maintain a dialogue on any topic, and not remain silent into the phone, dryly answering “yes,” “no,” “maybe.” Communication brings people closer together.
- Do not bring up topics in conversation that can alienate each other. Look for what brings you together.
- Don’t be shy to add tenderness to your words, be sincere. This is all felt on a subconscious level.
- If possible, find a neutral area where it will be convenient to hold meetings.
There is an interesting metaphor:
There is a distance of 20 steps in front of people. Strictly in the middle between them there is a line, approaching which they will find sincere love and happiness.
Everyone must take their 10 steps towards, but not a single step in pursuit. The partner took 8 steps. Of course, I want to meet him halfway, take the 11th, and then the 12th step. But this is absolutely forbidden. You will upset the give-take balance. If you want harmony in a relationship, both partners must contribute equal strength, as well as receive an equal amount of love in return.
Let's say you're standing on a board. You take 14 steps, but your loved one only takes 6. The board will tilt in his direction and he will have no choice but to jump off due to the imbalance and inconvenience of being on it. Don't lose harmony with yourself or your partner. Be on the same page and in complete understanding with each other.
Is such a relationship necessary?
Is there ever a time when it's worth taking risks? I am inclined to believe that the possibility of missing out on the love of my life is too great not to take the risk and not take this test. If you are already in a relationship, then distance will show how strong your bonds are.
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Development of a relationship
Let's say you're texting a guy and you fall in love with him through a social network. What to do next? How to develop this relationship so that the guy also feels feelings for you? Each person needs a different approach, but there are certain options that will most often help you.
Best tips:
- Your relationship should feel and be perceived as if it were real. It’s as if the person is next to you here and now.
- Sincerity is an integral part of any relationship. Don't try to be something you are not.
- Try to meet the person in any way possible. The meeting simply has to happen.
- Build trust among yourself. No relationship can last long without this. You have not yet become a couple and have not seen each other. At this stage, you must learn to trust your chosen one.
How many years does love last?
Oh, how many answers to this question - is it possible to love at a distance? Psychologists and philosophers gave advice!
But they only agree on the fact that they do not give love much time.
Someone says that love lasts three years.
Others note the crisis of three and five years of marriage, when the bonds of love weaken and the risk of separation increases. Many people remember the well-known saying about a pound of salt eaten for two.
According to simple calculations, a couple will be able to eat that much weight in two years, which means that the love that has existed for so long will live longer. The true lifespan of a feeling at a distance can only be judged by a couple.
- The period of “chemistry” is the emergence of passion and mutual desire, which is accompanied by increased work of the endocrine glands and chemical reactions in the body. For physiological reasons, this period lasts no more than a year and a half, and after that the body returns to normal. In other words, this is a period of passionate desire, sexuality and greedy possession. Alas, it’s a stretch to call this feeling love. It won't survive long term.
- True love is the fruit of teamwork, supported by trust, mutual respect and tenderness. Here the sense of ownership, selfishness and consumer attitude towards people are left behind. By the way, jealousy at this stage most often fades into the background. The duration of such love is difficult to name with precision, because it depends on the partners themselves, and not on the reactions in their bodies. So we can call it a period of 2 years or longer.
Strengthening the senses
Separation from a loved one is a difficult period, especially when the beloved is very far away and will not have the opportunity to see each other soon. To avoid losing connection, you need to do the following:
- Be honest with your partner. Talk about everything that happens in your life.
- Stay connected with your loved one. Nowadays it’s not difficult to get in touch: phone call, SMS, WhatsApp, telegram. Take advantage of these opportunities.
- If there is a chance of meeting, be sure to notify your significant other about it, determine the time and date when and where you can see each other. Let the meeting last only a day, maybe even a couple of hours, but let it happen. She will bring a storm of emotions and positive mood into your life.
- Trust in communication. The opportunity to tell a person intimate, disturbing moments will bring you closer to your chosen one.
You need to support your feelings, then everything will work out.
Books
The writers also could not ignore this situation in which many people find themselves.
Here are some books about long-distance love relationships :
- "I do not believe. I don't hope so. I love you" S. Ahern. The book of several hundred letters covered 50 years of the life of its main characters;
- "Where are you?" Mark Levy. A psychological drama about how childhood friendship grew into true love, followed by separation;
- “The Loneliness of Prime Numbers” by P. Giordano. A story about two lovers living in a huge metropolis and their parallel destinies that are not destined to intersect;
- “Loneliness on the Internet” Janusz Wisniewski. The characters correspond in Internet chats, exchanging frank fantasies. But the most important test will be their meeting.
Poignant moments
Here are the most difficult moments in this period of life:
- Lack of intimacy. It is difficult to do without satisfying human needs. The inability to make love with a loved one often pushes people to cheat.
- During departure, the manner of communication changes. A person develops other acquaintances and attachments. During the period of remoteness, he needs to adapt and adapt to the conditions in which he finds himself.
- This is a difficult period for those who wait. The waiter torments himself with thoughts of his beloved. What does he do, who does he communicate with, is he cheating.
- A change in character often affects relationships between people. An example would be a guy joining the army, where his priorities and values in life change. He has no way to get in touch with his girlfriend, but at the same time he is surrounded by a large number of people who understand him and think in the same direction. The manner of communication changes, which is not always easy for a girl to accept. The most difficult time comes towards the end of separation. At this moment, the head is filled with all the fears about how much the person has changed and how he will continue to behave.
Dear girls! If you want to make sure that your relationship is strong and your feelings are sincere, react calmly to separations, because they are the ones who show the seriousness of your intentions regarding the issue of a joint future. Don't say loud words before separation. Feelings do not require reminders and such reinforcement. Love is proven by deeds.
Tell us in the comments how your time apart went?
There are kilometers between you. What's next?
There are many examples of relationships that, after separation, became even stronger and warmer. And there are no fewer cases where distance has caused the breakup of couples and families.
Whether a relationship can withstand the test of time and separation depends on many factors:
- The strength of feelings between people and the existence of opportunities for real meetings.
- The goals of the partners that they pursued when entering into a relationship.
- The willingness of loving people to come to terms with restrictions in order to preserve the couple.
Unfortunately, couples who met on the Internet have the least chance of maintaining a long-distance relationship. Separation can be caused by objective reasons. However, psychologists say: if a man is in love and is determined to create a couple, he will do everything possible and impossible to be closer to the woman. If after a couple of months of dating he has not tried to get closer geographically and is not planning a future together, you should not take your relationship with him seriously. A woman may experience deep and sincere feelings for such a partner and refuse to meet with other men. And for a man, a young lady from another city will turn out to be nothing more than a pleasant interlocutor and, perhaps, a partner for infrequent and non-binding pleasant meetings.
If distance separates an already established couple, their chances of staying together are higher. However, here too, the result will depend on many reasons: how long the separation will last, how much the partners will be able to maintain emotional closeness, and whether they will be ready for the restrictions that separation will bring.
How to build a long-distance relationship with a man: 7 postulates of virtual communication
- 1. In search of virtual love, you should not build a relationship with a foreigner and pick up a passion from other cities/countries, since the kilometers separating you make frequent and productive communication in real life obviously impossible. Accordingly, joint “cultivation of love” is absolutely impossible here.
- 2. You should not take on faith any “information about yourself” provided to you: remember the absolute truth that “it’s better to see once...”
- 3. You shouldn’t pour out your soul online, talk in detail about yourself and your life, or share your innermost secrets: on the Internet everything is like in court - any information can always be used against you.
- 4. You should not confess your love to a guy by correspondence, believe similar confessions and make any promises: remember, no matter what feelings and emotions you experience, they are still very far from true love. It’s better to save such pleasant moments for a “live and real” romantic evening.
- 5. Do not succumb to provocations and agree to dubious offers. In general, no one has yet canceled having a “head on your shoulders,” and a sober mind and trust in your own intuition in any situation can become your main trump card.
- 6. You should not put any information compromising you online (personal photos, explicit videos, intimate confessions, etc.), and under no circumstances agree to any kind of virtual sex.
7. And finally, don’t drag out correspondence on the Internet for more than a month - organize a normal real meeting and start building strong real-life relationships.
Published: March 29, 2020 Did you like the article? Share with your friends:
