No time to worry
Thoughts about someone most often arise in connection with strong emotional experiences.
Therefore, the easiest way to get rid of obsessive thoughts is to find the source of stronger emotions. This could be a new relationship, love, a change of job, moving to another city, a vacation abroad - in general, everything that could potentially make you worry more. Another option is to plan your life schedule so that there is simply no time left for extraneous thoughts. You can sign up for training courses, start learning a foreign language, or find a part-time job. In addition, there are activities that require maximum concentration, such as extreme sports or dance school. Useless thoughts can appear when you have space and time in your head for them, and your attention is distracted. Don't give yourself the opportunity for abstract thoughts, and pretty soon you'll find yourself faced with the fact that thoughts about the person you like and being alone no longer mean anything.
A good option might be to carefully analyze the person causing your obsessive thoughts. Perhaps, after analyzing all the pros and cons, emotions will weaken.
Try to think about what can happen, rather than about what will never happen. Dreams should be constructive and realistic, so there's no need to imagine a happily ever after with someone you're trying to forget. Choose topics that do not relate to relationships: moving, career growth, a new car. Fantasy objects do not have to be material, the main thing is that they are not related to romantic relationships.
how to stop thinking about the girl you like
20 tough quotes from psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky about healthy love and neuroses
1. A healthy person does not want to get married. The first thing you have to do is stop wanting to get married. In other words, if you want to get married, you need to stop thinking about it, devalue the idea itself.
2. The key to a happy family life, marriage and sex with one partner lies in only one thing - a stable psyche. No concessions, no compromises - this is all a direct path to a cardiologist or oncologist. When a person has a stable psyche, he can live with one partner all his life. And love him alone.
3. The reason for women's problems is not that he behaves like an asshole. The reason is that she has a neurosis that requires an outlet. And for this exit, a certain person and relationship are needed in which she could suffer. Therefore, she specifically enters into such relationships, because she has had a mental need for this since childhood.
4. People are not liked because they bend. A woman will be just an empty place for a man if it is impossible to say about her who she is, what she is and what she likes for breakfast. The paradox is that men simply adore bitchy women.
5. We measure love by the level of suffering. And healthy love is about how happy you are.
6. When the flight attendant shows you the life-saving equipment, what does she say about the oxygen masks? “If you are traveling with a child, provide a mask for yourself first, then the child.” That's the whole point. Everyone is trying to help the child, while remaining an absolute psycho. That's not how it works. If you want your child to feel good, do something with your head first.
7. A woman should never tolerate anything she doesn’t like in a relationship. She should talk about it right away, and if the man does not change, she should break up with him.
8. Healthy people always choose themselves, but neurotic people choose relationships to their detriment, and this is the most important difference.
9. Men are designed in such a way that since the time of their mother, they only approach those who give them approval with their eyes. A healthy man is like a child. He approaches when the woman smiles at him, looks into his eyes...
10. Men, like children, like it when a woman has character.
11. If a person replaces the whole world for another person, this means that he simply does not have his own world.
12. Loneliness is not the absence of love around. This is a lack of interest in oneself, and since childhood.
13. As for finding a partner, I’ll say, who should I look for? The only quality your partner can have is that he clings to you. Everything else doesn't play any role at all. If you love him, worry about him, worry - then there are no “bars”.
14. What do you need to do to get married? And all you have to do is just one thing - be yourself. It's enough. And they love you, in principle, only for this.
15. Do you know what the fundamental difference is between a healthy person and a neurotic? A healthy person also suffers, but from real stories. And a neurotic suffers from fictional stories. And if there is not enough suffering, he also catches up with his beloved Kafka, Dostoevsky and the bottle.
16. If you don’t like the way a man behaves, you don’t need to look for excuses for his behavior. A situation in which “he didn’t call back” means the end of a relationship for a healthy girl, and the beginning of love for an unhealthy girl.
17. Family therapy is a scam. There is only one type of family therapy that I consider truly useful - psychological mediation in divorce cases. But this is precisely what is not practiced in Russia.
18. Modesty does not decorate anyone. Due to complexes, uncertainty and low self-esteem, a girl lives without sex and relationships, not because she is scary, but because she treats herself poorly. The psychologist’s task is to rid her of this.
19. As the writer Christopher Buckley (author of the novel Thank you for smoking, there is also a film like that) said, you shouldn’t eat at a restaurant called “Like Mom’s” and go to bed with a woman who has more problems than you.
20. The only time in a person’s life when he is objectively dependent and when he can be considered a hostage is childhood and dependence on his parents. It doesn't last long. In other cases, staying in any relationship is the choice of an adult.
Psychological methods
Human consciousness is designed in such a way that many thoughts and emotions are the final links in a chain of associations. Some psychologists call phenomena that can cause such a chain of associations “anchors.” Many people have their own anchors: musical compositions, speech patterns, perfume smells, color combinations, touches. An anchor can be any object or phenomenon if it evokes a specific emotion or thought in you.
In order to save yourself from fruitless thoughts, try to find as many anchors as possible that lead you to sad thoughts. Once you realize the cause-and-effect relationship, you can destroy it yourself or with the help of a psychologist. There is a technique called “anchor replacement,” when a new positive emotion is “attached” to the same phenomenon. In addition, you need to give up all “memorable” items: gifts, letters, messages on your phone. The longer your gaze clings to them, the more time you will spend worrying instead of moving on with your life.
The term “anchor” is mainly used in neuro-linguistic programming – a technique for managing one’s own and others’ emotions.
In any case, a person you really like cannot be forgotten instantly. However, it is in your power to make this happen as quickly and painlessly as possible. One day you will realize that you still have thoughts about this person, but they no longer evoke any emotions, having become ordinary facts. The statement that time heals was not born out of nowhere, although even this doctor needs the help and participation of his patients.
Why can't you forget your ex?
The first step on the path to mental healing is to figure out the reasons, understand why it hurts so much, why can’t you get it out of your head? Once you find the answers, it will be easier to find ways to solve the problem.
So, why does a guy catch himself thinking “I want to quickly forget, erase my ex-girlfriend from my life, but I can’t do it”? It would seem that the answer is obvious - because you love her. But in reality, everything is not as simple as it might seem. Sometimes the image of a woman and memories haunt her, even if the love has passed and the feelings have cooled. It’s a paradox, but there are situations when the guy himself initiated the breakup, but after a while he began to wonder how to forget his ex-girlfriend?
The fact that you miss your ex is not love, it is a psychological deception . It’s like with drugs, a regular addiction, an attempt to return yourself to your comfort zone. Memory is a stubborn thing. Bright and emotionally charged images are retained in it for the longest time, i.e. in moments of negativity, good pictures pop up in your head. You begin to remember various moments when you felt good, when she did something useful for you, and this causes pain, you realize that you miss it. But the past was not all positive. Since there was a breakup, and now you are thinking about how to forget your ex as quickly as possible, it means there was a global problem, some kind of disagreement, an internal conflict. It’s just that the brain is complicated, it tries to set you up for the best in moments of emotional decline, evoking good memories, but this only makes things worse.
Another reason is resentment . It occurs when desires and plans remain unfulfilled. You feel deceived and experience excruciating pain. There are several provoking factors: • You will have to start from scratch, build relationships again, adapt to something, change something. • She left for someone else. The thought that she has found someone better is humiliating and causes unimaginable pain. • By leaving, she devalued the past and deprived you of your future - family, children.
Resentment eats away at the soul and deprives it of joy.
Understand that by suffering, you only make things worse for yourself. We must move forward, leave the past behind.
A common occurrence is projecting guilt onto oneself. Trying to figure out how to quickly forget their ex-girlfriend, guys often start to think “it’s my own fault, I did something wrong, I paid little attention to her, and she left.” Stop doing this, stop going over situations in your head and looking for mistakes. It's not your fault, you broke up - that's a fact. You have to live on, believe me, there is still a lot of new and interesting things ahead, life does not end with the departure of a certain person from your life.
Remember the state when you were not in a relationship, but did not suffer. Independence, self-sufficiency, self-confidence - these are the feelings that need to be resurrected in yourself. However, don’t expect instant results. Move and develop gradually.
How to forget quickly - simple and effective recommendations
If you are depressed, you can seek help from specialists. Advice from psychologists on how to forget your ex-girlfriend helps many people get into the right positive mood. But this is a solution for advanced situations. In most cases, you can solve everything and improve your life yourself. Understand that you have everything you need to be happy. It's yourself. Love yourself, develop yourself, look for hobbies. Become a complete multi-faceted person.
Of course, there are a few simple recommendations that will help speed up the recovery process. By following simple rules, you will understand how to forget your ex as quickly as possible and erase this girl from your life: • Think less about your ex. Take a break. The ideal solution is to go on a trip, not by yourself, but with friends. Changing the location will allow you to distance yourself from problems, negative thoughts and everything that evokes sad memories. Have a blast. Sea, sun, beach, beautiful girls around - the best medicine. • Load yourself with hobbies and interests that will occupy your time and thoughts. Don't sit still, otherwise you will focus on the point of pain and get even worse. An effective option is sports. Find your direction. This could be bodybuilding, running in the morning, swimming, basketball. Train, monitor the results, feel responsible. This will help drive away sad thoughts and teach you not to feel sorry for yourself. • Avoid talking about her with relatives or friends, give up social circles where you are perceived as a couple. Having a heart-to-heart with family and friends is a good idea. Explain what happened and simply say “help me forget about my ex.” Make it clear that any reminder of her is painful. • Don't be afraid to destroy her memory. Burn all the photos, delete the correspondence, take her things to the humanitarian center, block her on social networks, delete her phone number. Material objects provoke associative memory. While you are touching the same things that she once touched, while you are looking at pictures where you are happy, it is useless to look for a way to quickly forget your ex-girlfriend, who left not so long ago. In such a situation, you won't be able to find him. • Look for new acquaintances, in particular with girls. At first, it will be difficult, there will be a feeling that everything is not the same and everyone is not the same as the ex who is the best and ideal. This is the biggest self-deception that can be. At the same time, don’t strive to get only sex. Just get acquainted, hone your skills, develop, make sure that you are interesting and popular. Make new friends. • Ignore any attempts on her part to talk, sort things out, or justify herself. Don't pick up the phone, don't answer messages. All these actions are necessary, regardless of the reasons for the separation. Such a “wall” will protect you from unwanted intrusions and reminders, from unnecessary explanations and complaints. • Find time for simple things that you didn’t pay attention to during your relationship. Walk more in the fresh air, listen to your favorite music, do yoga or meditation, sign up for a massage. Do everything that brings you mental and physical pleasure. • If you can't change the situation, change your attitude towards it. Realize that a person has simply left your life, not love. Another girl will definitely appear who will be able to take responsibility for such a big and bright feeling. For now, let the situation go. It is important not to stoop to insults and public scandals. Try to get out of the situation with dignity. Remember that love is chemical reactions in the body, the production of hormones. And the pain of parting is simply a withdrawal reaction.
Helping you forget your ex is quite possible. Everything will pass, time is the best assistant. Be patient and focus completely on yourself.
It is strictly forbidden to pursue a girl, threaten her, take revenge, abuse alcohol and drugs, or look for fleeting sex in order to forget.
Become an optimist! Enjoy every day. Be a wise man. Mentally thank life and the departed woman for the time spent together, for the experience gained. Open yourself up to new emotions and vivid impressions.
After a certain period of time, you will notice that other girls are interested in you. They will no longer seem like monsters or potentially dangerous creatures that bring pain and destruction. This will become the starting point of a new life. The attention of the fair half of humanity will help raise self-esteem, feel like a needed and sought-after man. And at this very moment you will understand that you are no longer interested in how to forget your ex-girlfriend, whom you love, or rather, loved. There will be no feelings left for her.
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