A difficult situation
Not everything in your life is always happy. Sometimes things just go wrong. For example, problems at work, school, or relationship problems with friends. But there is nothing worse than a broken heart and a feeling of loneliness that fills your entire mind.
Meanwhile, your best friend has finally sorted out her personal life. She has met a man who is perfect for her. They are happy and you really want to be happy for them, but due to your personal problems this is not very possible.
Your friend notices how difficult it is for you and begins to constantly invite you to spend time with her and her new love. Most likely, this situation is familiar to every girl. However, under no circumstances start spending a lot of time together. No matter how much you would like to see your friend's boyfriend as just a friend, at some point you will begin to wonder what it would be like if you were in her place.
It is at this moment that you realize that you like your friend's boyfriend. And it is very difficult for you to understand whether this feeling is real or whether you just want your own permanent and serious relationship.
And don't forget the statistics that say that two-thirds of men cheat on their women with their best friends. Frightening statistics, isn't it? Do you really want to be just part of this statistic? Or is your friendship, which has lasted for many years, still more important?
The first question you need to ask yourself before taking any action is whether your friendship is worth a fling. If your friend is just a random person in your life who knows nothing for you, then why not have an affair with her man. But if you want to remain friends with her, then forget about it.
In addition, you can not only destroy their relationship and yours with your friend, but also be left behind again with a broken heart. Think carefully, do you need this?
First, try to understand yourself and your feelings for this young man. In order to understand how sincere your feelings are, try to step back.
What to do if you like your friend's boyfriend
Both male and female friendships are tested for strength in various critical situations. One of these situations could be, for example, falling in love with one guy. What to do if you like your friend's boyfriend ? Should I remain faithful to friendly ideals or choose personal happiness? AnyDayLife will share tips on this matter. The situation when a girl falls in love with her friend's boyfriend is quite complicated. Such events occur in the lives of both young girls and mature women. The wrong approach and understanding of the very essence of such a situation will ultimately leave the lover with a broken heart and alone, not only without an object of sympathy, but also without a friend.
Girls start liking their friend's boyfriend for various reasons. This includes banal envy, which you should get rid of immediately so as not to develop such a negative quality of your personality, and a failed personal life. A similar situation arises between girls when they spend a lot of time in the same company with a friend and her boyfriend and, seeing a happy friend, begin to imagine themselves in her place.
No matter what age you are faced with this problem, the first thing you need to do is ask yourself the question: is your friendship with your friend really worth a passing infatuation? It will be especially difficult for young girls to answer such a question, because teenagers tend to exaggerate everything and do not yet know how to distinguish real love feelings from banal infatuation and the desire to flirt.
An excellent preventative measure for a situation where friends like the same guy is to have a frank conversation. Discuss with your friend in advance a possible scenario for the development of your relationship if there is one object of sympathy between your friendship. This will protect you from dire consequences if this happens in life.
Be that as it may, only you have to decide how important your friend is to you and whether you are ready to betray friendly ideals, but if you want to maintain your friendship, then you can forget about the affair with your friend’s boyfriend. To do this, it will be enough to switch your attention to another object of sympathy or at least temporarily limit communication with this couple.
You shouldn’t limit your communication with your friend too much, but try not to discuss their relationship. If your friend persistently shares with you the feeling of her new happiness, try to involve her in discussing your life, citing the fact that you are not averse to experiencing romantic feelings. Invite her to help you choose an outfit for a date, develop a plan together on how to find a life partner for you, etc.
If such options are not for you and you are used to being as frank as possible with your friend, then tell her directly about your feelings. In this case, a devoted and understanding friend will try to do everything to ensure that you meet your soulmate. In any case, don’t take steps to get closer to your friend’s boyfriend behind her back; real friends don’t do that.
The situation can become more complicated if your friend’s boyfriend himself shows interest in you, tells you about it directly when you are alone, but in company pretends that you mean nothing to him. In this case, your friendship with your friend is probably not worth such a guy, because where is the guarantee that one day you won’t find yourself in the place of your devoted friend? Talk openly with your friend about her boyfriend’s actions, because a strong friendship cannot be built on lies. It is not for nothing that there is a popular wisdom that says that happiness cannot be built on someone else’s misfortune.
Ways to solve the problem
- The first thing you should try to realize is that the guy you like is not in a relationship with you, but with your girlfriend. If you start treating him exclusively as a friend's boyfriend, then the feelings may go away on their own.
- Find a man to whom you can switch your attention. This way, you will not only stop thinking about the fact that you like your friend's boyfriend, but you will also be able to practice flirting. This way you can not fall in love yourself, but try to make someone fall in love with you.
- The fact that you like your friend's significant other should not affect your relationship with her. Therefore, under no circumstances stop communicating with her. So try not to let your friendship interfere with their love. It's best if you stop dating as a threesome. Go for walks only with a friend and try not to discuss their relationship.
- Try to involve your friend in discussing your new relationship. Let her help you choose an outfit for a date and give you advice on seduction.
- Hint to your friend that you like her boyfriend. However, put it another way. Tell them you're very happy for them. But sometimes you feel very sad that you don’t have the same. And that you are very lonely, because there is no real happiness in your life, and you are afraid that there will never be it. Besides, you are not sure that you will ever meet a man who will love you the same way your friend’s boyfriend loves her.
But if you are absolutely sure that your friend’s boyfriend is your soulmate, then you should fight for him. Don't expect this struggle to be pleasant. The most important thing is to fight for his love, and not to become his temporary mistress. But in any case, you will lose your relationship with your friend forever. Therefore, think a hundred times about whether love or friendship is more important to you.
My friend and I like the same guy.
Psychologist's answer:
Hello, Angelina!
The situation is complex, but solvable. It seems to me that since you were embarrassed and afraid to discover and show your sympathy externally, it was partially suppressed, but not completely, since it is still present in the form of fantasy (in dreams). When you found out that your friend liked this young man, you seemed to identify yourself with her (well, or associated yourself with her), so you began to encourage and support her. Because you actually needed this support, but you couldn’t admit it to yourself. This probably prevented you from immediately seeing the situation as problematic, that is, as a situation of rivalry between you and your friend. And now it also interferes. Because if you tell your friend about this, the situation of rivalry will become obvious. Think about how this makes you feel? Judging by your fears, you are afraid of an aggressive attitude on the part of your friend, or you are afraid of losing her affection. Are you sure that she will react this way or are these your unreasonable fears? We need to understand what this perception is connected with.
On the other hand, silence is perceived by you as hiding the truth, and therefore as a lie and, possibly, betrayal. I think that your crush has not yet passed, otherwise you would not have been so worried about whether to tell your friend about how you feel. You have an internal conflict about whether to be honest and risk an attack from your friend (lose her affection and friendship), or remain silent and further hide your sympathy for the young man, but at the same time miss the chance for a relationship with him. In this case, Angelina, the situation is arranged in such a way that it is impossible to get out of it without losses. And you are already beginning to anticipate these losses. Therefore, you need to treat this situation as a situation of impending changes and be prepared for the fact that these changes will affect your relationship with your friend. Moreover, no matter what option you choose, these changes will still happen; in fact, they have already begun to happen, regardless of your actions. The very fact that you both liked the same young man has already begun to change your relationship. Therefore, I believe that you have the right to openly express your sympathy for this young man. The fact that you will have to reveal this sympathy to your friend and that this may be followed by the loss of the relationship (although this is not necessary) is an inevitable consequence of such an act.
I believe that if you really still like this young man, you need to pluck up the courage and tell your friend about it at the next opportunity. Remember, you are doing this to be honest in your relationship with your friend, and also so as not to deprive yourself of the freedom to openly express your sympathy for the one you like. If you need any more help, be sure to write. Wish you luck!
Psychologist Elena Viktorovna Kondoba
I betrayed my friend. Dating a guy she likes
It started in September of this year. My best friend and I are in the same class, tenth, and she fell in love with my classmate. This classmate immediately made it clear to her that nothing more than friendship could give her. She suffered. I knew everything, everything that my friend felt and thought about this. We talked for hours, discussed him and this whole situation, I tried to calm her down, because I was sincerely worried about her.
Two months later, I found out that this classmate liked me. I, of course, answered that I couldn’t communicate with him, because I wouldn’t betray my best friend. But the days passed, and he still wrote almost every day and called for a walk. Deep down, I wanted to communicate with him, so I began to maintain our communication with him. Meanwhile, the friend knew nothing about it. I felt pangs of conscience that I was acting so disgustingly and basely, because I was secretly communicating with the guy she liked. But I didn’t tell her anything, thinking that this would cool our relationship with her and that a wall would appear between us, since she wouldn’t understand my desire to communicate with our common classmate. At this time, he often told me about the consequences of our secret relationship, he also understood what I was going to for his sake. We both understood the dangers of our relationship, we even tried to stop everything a couple of times, but nothing worked.
Two months have passed. I fell in love with the guy. My friend found out about everything (she guessed it herself from my strange behavior). We talked to her many times, all to no avail. We can't come to a compromise. I never want to lose her because she is the closest person to me. I love her very much and it hurts me so much that I could do this to her. I was mistaken when I thought that saying nothing would be the best option. But nothing would have worked out with the guy if she knew about everything. To correct the situation, I need to stop communicating with the guy, but I can no longer do this. My friend doesn’t want to communicate with me after this. I stabbed her in the back, it made my soul so disgusting. I won't find anyone like her anywhere else. I am torn into two parts, I rush between two fires. I realize my guilt towards her and understand that after this there can be no talk of friendship. It hurts me to look at our photographs, it hurts to re-read the dialogues, to remember the best moments associated with her. I didn’t want to betray her, I always wished her only the best, but in the end I dealt her a blow of such force that I made her become disappointed in the people around her, made me cry at night, and feel spiritual emptiness. She believed me more than any person in this world, she believed and trusted me endlessly. I also want to cry constantly, because I feel that I have lost a very important person in my life. I hate thinking about myself. My friend left and will never return to me again. Yes, I knew what I was doing, I knew what the consequences would be, but I did not have the strength to stop the emerging feelings. I don’t know how I can continue to live and study with her in the same class for two more years. Help us figure out who is right and who is wrong. Please tell me how I can continue to live with the understanding that I am a traitor.
I'm scared before meeting a guy who likes me (1 answer)
