“I love him, but he doesn’t love me”: three reasons to stop pursuing a man who is indifferent to you

You can't change his attitude

You can cry, beg, beg him to stay with you, but this will not lead to anything good. If a guy honestly admits that he doesn’t love you, it means he respects you and expects an adequate reaction. Don’t take refusal to meet as a negative attitude towards you. If a person dares to tell you the truth, this is already worthy of praise. But if you do manage to persuade him to stay, remember that it won't be for long. He will leave anyway, but perhaps it will happen at a less opportune time. Which will be an even bigger shock for you.

Know that such a concession can only be provoked by his desire to somehow justify himself to you. He feels guilty, so he agrees to temporary meetings. There is no need to do this, give freedom to yourself and your lover (if you truly love him).

Advice from psychologists if you fall in love

To a boy classmate

You spend a lot of time together, see each other every day.

And at some point you may begin to realize that you have some kind of feeling for him. What to do?

Understand your feelings. Do you really like this boy? Or is it just because you see each other all the time? If during the entire holiday you don’t even remember about him, then most likely this is not real love.
Be friendly. Become more active and sociable in class, attract everyone's attention. Boys like cheerful and positive girls.
Try to get close to him. Try to communicate more, find common hobbies.
It will be great if you see him not only at school: go to the movies or at least hang out in the same company. Also, don't forget about social networks: try sending him a song you like or a funny picture.
Don't be upset if it turns out that your feeling is not mutual. It's a good experience anyway. There will be other guys who will definitely pay attention to you.

In high school student

High school students seem so smart, mature and much more interesting than their peers. But often they may not notice those who are younger. What to do if you fell in love with a guy from high school?

Understand yourself. Do you really like this guy? Or is it just because he's a high school student?
Use social networks. Add him as a friend, chat with him, find out his interests. Don't be intrusive, it should just be friendly communication. Try to interest him in you, and then look at the situation, maybe your correspondence will actually become more personal.
Try to see him outside of school. The informal atmosphere is conducive to communication. And this way it will be clearer whether your sympathy is mutual or not.
Don't push him. Don't follow him around, don't like all his photos, and don't confess your feelings to him. Just interest him and put the initiative in his hands.
Don't worry if he doesn't reciprocate. Don't make a tragedy out of this. Perhaps you can continue communicating as friends.

To a work colleague

Office romance is a fairly common occurrence. After all, we spend a lot of time at work and often some people begin to sympathize with us. Sometimes it really turns into falling in love. What to do in such a situation?

Take your time. Don't rush to confess your feelings right away.
First, try to find out a little better about him: what his marital status is at the moment, what he is interested in, how he spends his free time.
Think through the whole situation. How do management feel about relationships between employees? If this is prohibited, are you willing to risk your career or look for a new job?
Find out his attitude towards you. You need to be careful here. Try to understand how responsive and sociable he is with you. How does he react to your appearance, your smile? Does he set you apart from other women in the team?
Don't advertise your feelings. Firstly, this can become a source of gossip among employees. Secondly, rumors can reach the authorities, and not always in the best possible way. Thirdly, the object of your sympathy may hear gossip, and it is not a fact that he will like it.
Try talking to him. If you are sure that he will react favorably, then discuss the current situation with him and decide what to do next.

How long does falling in love last? Find out the answer right now.

To the boss

The boss - an authoritative, successful, wealthy man - can also become the object of your feelings. This is quite a difficult situation. What to do, how to behave?

Find out more about him. Does he have a wife or a regular girlfriend? How did he achieve such heights in his career? How does he like to spend his free time?
Try not to let this affect your work .
Especially if you see reciprocity on his part and decide that he now has a “special” relationship with you. In any case, you must perform your duties as efficiently as before. And it will be even better if you prove yourself in your work. Then it will make you stand out from the rest.
Pay attention to your appearance. It should comply with your company's rules, but at the same time be sophisticated. Don't cross the line and don't allow yourself a vulgar neckline or a short skirt. It is better if you adhere to accepted standards, but at the same time stand out from others.
Don't throw yourself on his neck. Even if you saw reciprocity, you don’t need to hang yourself on him. Especially in front of other colleagues.
Think over further developments . Will you be able to continue to be subordinate to him and fulfill your duties impeccably? Can you withstand the sidelong glances of your colleagues? Will you look for another job if necessary?

Fell in love with the boss. What to do? Psychologist's opinion:

By correspondence

We started communicating just out of interest, but it all grew into something more? Haven't you noticed how you fell in love with a pen pal? Here are some tips on how to act in such a situation:

Set up your profile . Take a look at your page from the outside. Choose a good photo, write about your interests. Delete all explicit photos.
Don't pretend. When corresponding with a person, do not try to seem better than you are. Be yourself.
Don't be intrusive. There is no need to write every 5 minutes and be offended if the interlocutor does not answer you right away.
And remember that he may well put you on the “black list”.
Think about what all this will entail. You may be in different cities or even countries. You can’t build relationships just by texting. If you have been communicating for more than six months, then it’s time to move everything into the real world.
Remember that a person in reality may not be like that at all. And this means not only appearance, but also character. In correspondence it is very easy to show your strengths and hide your weaknesses. And in general, you can take credit for so many achievements! So be prepared to be disappointed.

The second cousin

If we initially have a strict taboo regarding our siblings, then, as a rule, it does not apply to cousins and second cousins. But you can’t tell your heart! How to be?

Analyze the situation. Why did it happen? What do you think this could lead to? Think about the future. How will the brother himself react to this? Are you ready for outside disapproval?
Take your time to communicate your feelings. You must understand that you are unlikely to be together.
Such relationships are not approved by society. Yes, and there is logic in this, especially if you are planning to have children. Therefore, it would be best to resolve this issue on your own, without letting anyone in on your feelings for your second cousin.
Don't focus on your feeling . Learn to be distracted: find yourself a passion, a hobby. Try to see him less often.
Don't be shy to ask for help . If you feel that the situation has gone too far and you can no longer cope, then consult a psychologist. He will help you understand the reasons for your love and how to get rid of this feeling.

The anime guy

Falling in love usually comes suddenly and often it may not be the one we imagined in our thoughts.

For example, what should you do if you fall in love with an anime guy?

First you need to grow up. And to a greater extent, this refers to psychological age. A mature personality cannot fall in love with such a character.
Pay attention to the features that attracted you. This will help you find out what kind of people you like. Try to find them in the people who surround you.
Limit your hobbies. If you like watching such cartoons, then there is nothing wrong with that. But if it comes to such love, then this is undoubtedly not a very good sign. Try to find other ways to enjoy your free time.

To a celebrity

Celebrities seem so distant to us and, at the same time, so attractive. And sometimes it happens that simple interest develops into a feeling of falling in love. In this case, there are three possible scenarios for the situation:

You will continue to live your fantasies. Think this option through.
You will continue to live in dreams of an impossible dream, missing out on real life. Most likely, you will not be able to find a partner for a long time, as you will be thinking about that same celebrity. Are you satisfied with this arrangement? Then you have the power to change everything! Stop following the latest news about this person, start dating real guys and find yourself some hobby that will take up all your free time. At some point you will realize how stupid it all was.
You take the initiative. Find out where you can meet the object of your feelings: at a concert, in a fan club or in some other place where he often spends time. And you go there! It is important for you to start a conversation with this person. This way you will understand what he is like and will be able to attract his attention. But you must understand that this plan has many pitfalls. Firstly, you may simply not be allowed to approach him. Secondly, you may come across indifference. Thirdly, you can be used and then forgotten as just another fan.
You use the feeling that arises for your own purposes. It’s not just that you liked this particular person! Take a piece of paper and write in a column the qualities that attract you to him. So you have received a portrait of your ideal man. Now you can look for him among your friends or future acquaintances.

Love for an idol. Psychology of a fan:

The actor

First, you simply watched the film and identified one actor in it. Then you decide to review all the pictures with him. You no longer notice that you are constantly monitoring information about him and are jealous when you see a photo in a magazine with some girl. What to do with this love?

Understand that this is just an image. You fell in love with him, not with this person. In life, he may well not live up to your expectations.
Imagine the development of events. It is unlikely that you will meet him, and he will suddenly realize that you are exactly the woman he has been looking for all this time.
So be realistic. Most likely you will suffer for it and miss your real life!
What conclusion does this suggest? We need to get rid of this feeling.
Read also: Why we are burnt out at work and what to do about it Psychologist Maria Danina - about how capitalism and patriarchy lead us to burnout and whether it is possible to cope with it on our own
Try to find another hobby. Start going to the gym or a hobby club. You can start embroidering or drawing. Do everything to get rid of obsessive thoughts.

Don't destroy your self-esteem

Observe your dog or cat when you tease him with a toy or food, but nothing results. How helpless and exhausted your kitten or puppy looks when you do this to him. Next time he may not believe you, because he will understand that he is not worthy of the reward. In the same way, you destroy your self-esteem. By pursuing a guy and receiving constant refusals, you begin to blame yourself for your failure. It seems to you that you are ugly, stupid or simply unworthy to be with him. And this is not so, and deep down you know it.

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Try to pull yourself together and remember your strengths. Never expect a man to confirm that you are right, do not assume that only his love can make you worthy. Be self-sufficient and put your interests first. Perhaps then your young man will look at you with different eyes and change his attitude.

How to hint to a guy that he likes him

Men, in most cases, do not understand hints. Therefore, it is most effective to inform him of your sympathy in person. You need to wait for the right moment and mood, or do it through someone. A mutual friend should “accidentally” spill the beans to him. In this case, the girl will not have to blush, and if the sympathy is not mutual, you can always refer to the fact that the friend was mistaken.

If you don’t have the courage to tell a guy about your liking directly, flirting will do - flirting, compliments, shooting eyes, light unobtrusive touches. Before this, in order not to end up in a bad position, you need to understand whether the guy likes you. We told you how to do this through postures, gestures, behavior and words.

In the presence of a guy you like, it is undesirable to talk about other men. A young man (hereinafter referred to as MCH) may take all the hints for friendly communication, decide that the girl has another passion and refuse to try to start a relationship.

Another way is a note with a declaration of sympathy (without a signature). It should not contain any pompous speeches about eternal love; write a laconic text. It will be enough to write “I’m crazy about you” or “You’re handsome.” The note can be passed on by one of your mutual friends.

When you meet, you need to flirt with the guy and try to make him understand that the mysterious stranger is you. Then move on - try to unobtrusively hint at a relationship. To avoid putting yourself in a bad light, we have prepared a step-by-step action plan.

Don't stop searching

You are finally convinced that your young man does not have any feelings for you. Not only that, you did everything possible to stay close to him, but it didn't help. Don't waste your precious time on a person who doesn't appreciate your love. The first time of awareness will be difficult. But try to understand everything, evaluate and pull yourself together. Look for the man who can answer your feelings. Rest assured that there are such people, and there are many of them.

If you are selective and interested at the same time, you will definitely be able to find the guy of your dreams. Look around. If you don't see anyone yet, spend time alone. Sometimes this can be no less useful than being in a relationship. Never stay with someone who doesn't deserve your love, because separation is inevitable anyway, and it can be painful for you. Search and you will definitely find, good luck in your search.

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If you fell in love with a guy who loves another mutually

In other words, he already has a girlfriend or wife - underline what is necessary. Or they are just on the threshold of a relationship - one way or another, you are sure that your lover has deep feelings for another lady. What can I recommend here? In fact, only one thing. No need to interfere.

Someone will say: nonsense, you have to fight for your love! Yes, love is valuable, which is why we advise you not to touch other people's feelings and relationships.

What could your intervention and attempts to turn away sympathy from the girl he loves lead to and direct it towards you? Here are two realistic versions of events:

You will only cause him negativity. If he really loves this girl, then he will either not notice your attempts to attract his attention to you at all, or will regard them as unceremonious - after all, you are aware of their relationship! Now you can’t even be friends, and it’s better not to know what his girlfriend thinks about you.
Let's say you manage to somehow win back your lover. Will you be able to trust him after this? What if some other girl sets her sights on him and just as easily takes him away? After all, will it be pleasant for you to realize that your fragile happiness is built on the ruins of another girl’s happiness?

So what should you do if you fall in love with a guy, and he loves someone else - and it’s mutual? The best way out, perhaps, is to limit communication with this couple - it will be much calmer for both you and them. But if you feel the strength to cope with your feelings and direct them in the right direction, try to become a friend of this person. Only a loyal and selfless friend - promise not to wait for their relationship to go down. It will turn your life into torture: not only that. that this state of affairs will not characterize you in the best way (hoping for someone else’s grief is not a very good thing), and you will most likely have to wait for many years, or even your whole life... To then realize that you have always been and you will remain “only a friend” for him.

If you fell in love with a guy who loves someone else, but she doesn’t love him

We do not undertake to judge which situation is better and which is worse. Unrequited love is always bad and sad, and when not only you, but also he suffers from unrequited feelings... The situation only becomes sadder. As in the previous case, we can advise you to become a selfless friend and support your loved one without hoping for reciprocal feelings. But here's what you need to remember: even if he pays attention to you and you start dating, he may still be thinking about her - about that other girl. Even if not so... You will still ask yourself: did he really forget her? Moreover, he may start an affair with you just to make her jealous and attract attention to himself (this is an extreme case, but it happens! We hope that your lover is an honest and decent person).

However, if you really like this person, take a step towards him, become his close friend, and it is quite possible that your passion will subside very soon, but you will find a loved one who will subsequently support you. Is it worth confessing your feelings if you know for sure that the object of your sympathy is in love with someone else? Only you can answer this question, but in our opinion, honesty and openness are the main thing in any relationship, so it is always better to talk about your feelings directly, rather than try to hide them. After all, as they say, it’s better to regret what you’ve done than what you haven’t done, right?