Marital indifference is one of the main reasons why couples move away from each other; over time, the situation becomes critical, and sometimes separation and even divorce occur.
Couples who are trying their best to save their marriages and feelings for each other will have no trouble getting the spark back again if they really try. Remember that indifference can kill a relationship gradually, and no one will know about it until it is too late. Let's figure out what to do if your husband has lost interest in you and how to act in this case to save the family.
Causes
These are some of the factors that can lead to marital indifference.
- Relationship problem. Some people just don't care about others. They remain in their own world and think about their partners only when the need arises for something. Being indifferent and insensitive is a problem that can lead to serious consequences. Discussing this is the best way to bring the conflict into the open and draw attention to it.
- Self-centeredness is another reason why a husband stops paying attention to his wife. If you are too busy with yourself, there will be little time to think about your partner's well-being. It's no surprise that he or she will feel abandoned and will largely ignore you. This leads to resentment, cheating, anger, stress, tension, fighting, confrontation and depression.
- Busy at work. If a person is overly busy with work and cannot devote time to family, the spouse will definitely feel abandoned after some time. He will think that you don't care enough about him and that's why you spend so much time in your office or business. If a busy schedule is the reason behind marital indifference, then reducing your workload is the ideal solution.
- Various entertainments. If the wife likes to socialize, and the husband sits at home and watches sports on TV, then this can lead to problems. When you start spending more and more time alone, your wife will feel that her husband is indifferent to her. On the other hand, you may feel that your spouse won't leave you alone. It is necessary to take into account each other's interests and spend time together so that you both can enjoy it.
- Insufficient care is another factor why a husband may grow cold. Not caring about your partner's well-being or even whereabouts is certainly a sign of marital indifference. Regular communication and coordinating schedules throughout the day is something all happy couples do.
- You stop listening. Another factor that leads to marital indifference is that one day you simply stop listening to what your partner has to say when you are not interested in the conversation.
It's time to do some serious soul-searching and determine what's going wrong.
The opposite of love is not hatred, but indifference. Family psychologists note that this is one of the main reasons why a couple, living happily for many years, decides to separate for no apparent reason.
The husband lost interest in his wife and found a mistress, but life taught him...
- Where have you been? - asked the husband. “At Mom’s,” the wife answered calmly. - Again? “You’ve been sitting with her too often lately,” the husband said displeasedly. She remained silent in response.
– You have become somewhat spineless... indifferent... You weren’t like that before. We have been living together for 5 years, but now this behavior of yours is starting to irritate me... Maybe I should find someone else? - said the husband with a malicious grin. “As you wish,” the wife answered without emotion, setting the table.
This answer was unexpected for him. He got up from the table irritably and left the house. Then he took out his phone and dialed the number.
- Hello, baby! What are you doing? - Hello, my cat! I recently woke up. “I really want to see you,” a woman’s voice said tenderly from the telephone receiver. - My girl, I’m already on my way to you, will you feed me? I am hungry. - Certainly. I am waiting! He smiled contentedly and got into the car. Stopping at a flower shop on the way, he bought a bouquet of burgundy roses, her favorite...
Driving past an intersection, he saw a terrible accident. A man was being transported on a gurney, he was missing one leg, and a woman was carefully spinning nearby. Impressed by what he saw, an unusual idea came to him. He turned sharply at the turn and arrived at the hospital to see his friend, who worked here as a surgeon.
Entering the office, he asked him to help in one matter. - Listen, an idea came to my mind... I want to check on the girl. Can you help me? The friend smiled and looked at him in bewilderment. – Besides your wife, do you have another girlfriend? - Yes! Darling. - Darling? You used to consider your wife your beloved... - That was a long time ago. She has changed a lot since then. - Okay, I'll help you. But I think that your wife is a wonderful woman, and you just stopped appreciating her. He ignored his friend's words.
A friend called his mistress from his phone. - Hello? Honey, have you arrived yet? – answered a female voice. - Hello. You are being disturbed from the city hospital. A man was in a serious accident and your number was the last outgoing call on his phone. - What's happened? Is he alive? – Yes, he is alive, but due to severe injuries, both legs need to be amputated. Will you come? “Sorry, I can’t come now,” the woman said in confusion. “Besides, he’s just an acquaintance of mine.” Better call his wife. The phone must have a number. Don't call me anymore, please. The girl hung up.
He sat nearby and heard everything. He was shocked by her answer.
A friend noticed his distress and suggested: “Since we’ve started such a check, let’s call your wife?” “She doesn’t need me anymore, she’ll just leave me.” - These are your guesses. Let's try it, then we'll find out for sure. - OK. Let's.
The doctor dialed his wife's number. - Hello, Diana! - Hello, Lesh! – Here’s the thing... Just don’t worry. Igor had an accident. - Is he alive? What about him? – the wife asked excitedly. – He is alive, but his condition is serious, he is in a coma. - I'll be there now!
The friends looked at each other. - Well, shall we continue checking? – Igor asked his friend. - Is not that enough for you? - Few. I’m sure she’ll leave when she realizes that everything is bad and it won’t be the same as before... The friend looked at him and said: “Did you really trust your new friend more than your wife?” Igor remained silent, lowering his head.
Finally his wife arrived. - Where is he? Where is he? – She ran anxiously along the corridor. She was met by her husband's friend. - Please calm down. He's in the room. Let's go to.
Diana entered the room and rushed to the bed. He lay motionless. All in tears, she began to kiss his hand and say: “My dear, beloved, wake up, I beg you.” Just live, I beg you... I love you so much... I can’t live without you... You know, recently I’ve been so silent because another woman called me. She said that you are with her now. I wanted to, but I couldn't leave. My soul was so empty, I was lost. I haven't been to my mother all this time. I just sat on the playground, walked around our places... I will forgive everything or let you go if you want... Just live...
Then he could not stand it, stood up and hugged her. - Forgive me, dear, how blind I was... I forgot everything I valued in you, why I once loved you... Today I realized: you are the only one who helps me believe in myself and gives meaning to life. You always supported and understood me, my love. Forgive me, I will never hurt you again. And I will never let you go...
Signs
Practicing psychologists have identified a number of signs that the husband has lost interest in his wife. Identifying them in current relationships makes it possible to take proactive measures from the very beginning and save the family.
Indifference is a lack of interest or concern about something. We become indifferent to our spouse when we overlook the simple things he does for us every day. Such things as:
- Cooking food.
- Touching when we're upset.
- Help with housework.
- Encouraging words.
- Working to provide for the family.
- Kisses.
- Laugh at jokes.
- Acceptance of our characteristics.
We are indifferent to our spouse when we are unable to appreciate them:
- Talents.
- A smile.
- Capabilities.
- Peculiarities.
- Obligations.
- Sense of humor.
- Desires and dreams.
At the moment you may not like everything your spouse does, but if he were to leave, there are many things that you would be willing to forgive him. Including the things that are currently driving you crazy.
If you think your husband has become cold and uncaring, there are a few things you can do before it causes irreparable harm to your marriage.
I won’t - and that’s it!
If everything is in order with physics, then the problem lies in a different plane. Perhaps a woman does not want sex for the following reasons:
Extreme fatigue. Of course, order and cleanliness in the house, well-groomed children, a delicious dinner on the table and success at work are wonderful. But if all a woman can do closer to night is fall into bed and pass out until the morning, then there is no smell of happiness in the family. Maybe we should say goodbye to the excellent student syndrome and give up some things? Or entrust them to your husband, au pair, nanny, grandmother? A husband, if he wants to achieve reciprocal passion from his wife, should remember that the very word “spouses” means “two in one harness,” and therefore, he will have to get off the couch and help his wife in everyday life. By the way, it is known that the feeling of gratitude has a stronger effect on women than aphrodisiacs. A relaxing massage, a bath with aromatic oils, and most of all, grandparents who agree to pick up the children for the weekend also help.
Resentment towards a partner . The husband may not remember how carelessly he said that his wife had become fat, but the woman will never forget it. However, you can offend not only with words. Neglect, betrayal - many things can freeze a marital relationship. And affection, attention, help, compliments, gifts will help you warm up. Sometimes you can’t do without consulting a psychotherapist or sexologist.
Stress. If a wife has troubles at work, an extremely bad relationship with her mother-in-law, and in addition there is an unpaid loan hanging over the family or something else that does not allow her to sleep peacefully, then sex will be the last thing she thinks about. Especially if she solves all these problems alone.
Abstinence period. How long can you live without sex? More details
Boredom. Who would like to eat just semolina porridge for breakfast for years? So spouses get tired of the monotony of sex, which is why they lose interest in it. Role-playing games, sexy lingerie, changing your usual behavior in sex, sex in an unusual place (in a hotel, in a car or in the open air) will help to bring a fresh vibe. However, you need to surprise each other not only in bed. If a husband bakes a cake, makes repairs, or does something else worthy of admiration, then the wife will probably be imbued with not only respect for him, but also more ardent feelings. By the way, this also applies to ladies.
Unhealthy Lifestyle . Fatty, high-calorie foods and alcohol, smoking and a sedentary lifestyle are harmful to blood vessels, on the functioning of which sexual performance largely depends. But movement and proper nutrition will help extend sexual longevity. Eat protein foods (lean meat, fish, eggs, dairy products), foods rich in potassium (baked potatoes, rice, nuts, bananas) and iron (green apples, liver, buckwheat), vitamin C (black currants, sauerkraut, tomatoes , rose hips, oranges) and vitamin E (spinach, green salad, olive oil), and you won’t be bored in bed.
Potential for decay
Many spouses assume that if they are not openly angry with each other, then there is no real reason to worry. But indifference can be even worse because it means an extreme state of disconnection in which you no longer care about each other. When partners get angry, frustrated, or even fight regularly, they do so because they still have a vested interest in the marriage and in their spouse to feel those emotions.
A husband's indifference to his wife means something completely different and potentially more dangerous. At first glance, this may seem preferable to an angry confrontation because it involves less conflict. But this can be a real problem in a marriage.
Consider your personality traits
Some people are not very emotional, preferring to keep their feelings to themselves and rarely express them in words and gestures. In fact, men in many cultures are taught that it is unmanly to show their emotions. However, in most cases it is easy to distinguish a restrained temperament from indifference.
When spouses are indifferent, this does not mean that they do not show emotions, most likely they do not experience them, at least with you.
One way to understand that your husband has cooled is to go back to the beginning of the relationship. If a spouse was relaxed then but now seems closed off, it may be related to the state of the marriage. Additionally, you can see that a person interacts with other people very differently; in other words, most of the time he reserves indifference just for you.
Don't put your partner in a defensive position
It’s difficult to get a person to talk to someone who doesn’t feel anything in a marriage. If you ask him why he no longer cares about you, your spouse may begin to deny that anything is wrong. He may ask why you're so upset when he hasn't done anything or you're not even arguing.
One of those things that absolutely cannot be done if the husband has cooled off towards his wife is to give in to the temptation and start swearing. Women often want to feel any emotional reaction and they think that it is better for their spouse to be angry and argue than to ignore them. Although their motivation is understandable, this is the wrong path.
Questioning will not only lead you nowhere, but will push you further away.
Instead, make an effort to find out what your partner is doing, thinking, or planning in the coming days. He may be thinking about taking classes or visiting relatives out of town and has plans that you won't know about unless you ask in advance. Don't worry if he only gives one-word answers at first—it may take him a while to get the conversation going. Once you show your interest, it is very likely that your husband will respond with a desire to know more about what is going on with you.
What if this is a disease?
For young spouses, sexual and family life are practically synonymous. But over the years, the amount of sex in marriage decreases. And some husbands and wives, over time, completely abandon “unnecessary body movements.” Thus, in the United States, about 20 million people live in such brother-sister marriages. And nothing - they don’t get divorced. If this situation suits both, then why not? But if one of the spouses is forced to go on a sexual hunger strike, expect trouble!
If libido has completely disappeared, the wife concerned about this should first visit a gynecologist-endocrinologist. A hormonal study will help you understand what is wrong and take the necessary measures. By the way, decreased libido in women is a common side effect of taking oral contraceptives. In this case, it is better to look for another method of protection. After menopause, libido also often decreases - but this situation can also be corrected with medication.
Female diseases (infectious and non-infectious), diseases of the spinal cord or brain, and endocrine disorders can also deprive you of sexual desire. Sometimes - mental disorders, alcoholism, and also taking certain medications (especially antidepressants).
Enemies of love. What harms potency Read more
Discover common interests
Another positive way to energize your marriage is to return to activities you both enjoyed early in the relationship. Think about all the things that brought them together - it could be a passion for dancing or a love for mountain biking.
Buy tickets to the game if you met at the stadium, or try a new restaurant in town if you're both foodies. Learn something new together so that you not only have something to talk about, but also be able to rediscover each other's character traits that have long been forgotten.
Once you start participating in general enjoyable activities, it is likely that you will regain your interest.
Be aware of his physical presence
Common attractions by themselves are not enough to keep a couple together. Once you've reestablished communication and mutual interest, maintain success by creating the right conditions for intimacy. One of the things you can do if your husband's feelings for his wife have cooled is to evaluate your partner physically. Among the things that couples begin to take for granted over time is their appearance.
You begin to notice less changes in your partner's appearance. Make an effort to overcome this inertia and try to look at your partner in a new way. Observe what your spouse is wearing and evaluate the color combination of the suit or other aspects of his appearance. The point of this is to make it clear that the man is not invisible to you and that he is still worthy of attention. This will help the relationship warm up and therefore encourage the spouse to become emotionally invested in the marriage again.
If you did something wrong
If your husband has become indifferent to his wife, do an honest analysis of how you speak and behave. You may be too critical of your partner's habits or expect him to live up to too high a standard. These unnatural expectations can cause stress and prevent your spouse from enjoying being with you. Ask yourself if you were too busy with work or children, if you ignored the man’s needs for intimacy, albeit unconsciously. As a result of this, he may have felt hurt and gradually pulled away.
Perhaps your spouse is bothered by your inadequacy, so it is difficult for him to have a normal conversation. For example, you are always obsessed with children or weight. Keep in mind that negative emotions, even unintentional ones, could cause a partner to gradually withdraw emotionally and eventually become silent.
If this is the case, you need to overcome your internal impulses that create a field of alienation. If you can't solve these issues on your own, discuss them with a friend or psychologist. Only when you are calm and confident will other people, including your husband, be drawn to you.
It rolled on. My husband lost interest in me.
I read posts from other moms about how their husbands rush home from work, kiss their bellies and talk to their babies. They go to ultrasounds, help around the house and make all wishes come true, like a genie. I’m very happy for all the girls!
Women deserve a reverent and tender attitude towards themselves during the period of bearing a baby.
I can imagine how nice it is to feel the care of a future dad. But, unfortunately, I can only imagine... No one runs home to me as soon as they finish an extremely difficult day; on the contrary, they stay longer, trying to complete everything mega-quickly and not noticing the time at all. He can come home at 00:00, and at 1:00, and probably later, I just, as a rule, start to fall asleep immediately after the neighbor’s clock strikes midnight, without waiting for my beloved. I really want him to call and ask about my well-being, my affairs, our child, but no: he will send messages to his parents, a friend, but not to me. I’m generally allowed one call a day with the question: “What’s for dinner?” And it doesn’t bother him at all that no one will eat these damn cutlets that he so demands at night, much less heat them. And sooner or later you will have to throw them away. No one strokes or kisses the belly except me (it’s clear that I physically cannot kiss it). No one is trying to care: for example, about whether I took the pills or what the doctor said in the consultation. Nobody! Instead, we quarrel, and like never before in all 3 (and now almost 4) years of relationship.
So much dirty tricks, nasty things, and nonsense come out.
I look at family photos of my girlfriends on social networks and involuntarily give in to panic: everyone is together, and I am alone. Is this really how it should be? It turns out that after the birth of the child the same thing will happen? My daughter and I are alone, and our dad is at work or in a restaurant with friends. Is this the kind of father I wanted for my child?.. Where did all this romance, tenderness, passion, love go? Why did the two strip test ruin all this? Why is a child such a problem for him? Moreover, he almost ran away during the 4 months of my pregnancy. Now he is on a business trip in Turkey: he works in the morning, and sunbathes and swims in the afternoon and evening. And he only calls his parents (we had a fight). What (or who?) is he taking a break from? From me? Why does he need me? So you like to torment me, humiliate me, upset me? It is clear that all these questions are rhetorical: 50/50. I can only answer them myself. But I’m tired of delving into myself, looking for my own shortcomings, making plans and admiring their collapse, constantly disturbing the little life inside me. I want to take it and go into the cave. Away from the callous husband and mother with her constant: “I told you so!”, lie down, close your eyes and sleep through the entire pregnancy, enjoying your dreams. Today I will watch A Nightmare on Elm Street. Just right for my mood. Sorry for the whining... I just don’t have the strength to keep it all inside anymore: it’s coming.
