We spend most of our lives searching for our ideal woman, and when we find it, we begin to hesitate. We fail to take this necessary step before we can truly call her ours.
You may think that once you make a commitment, it will be easier to make the next one, but this is usually not the case.
Whether to call your girlfriend your girlfriend, tell her you love her, move in with her, or call her your wife are all inevitable decisions you'll have to make.
Indecision is your enemy.
Of course, you need to think things through carefully before making such decisions, but you should never doubt without a valid reason; real men don't do this.
Real men make tough decisions
because they understand that these decisions must be made.
A real man has no doubts when he meets his woman. Because:
He realizes that he is very lucky
A real man is a fairly experienced man. He has enough failed relationships behind him and enough meetings with women who are not his to understand that he has met exactly the one he was looking for.
He won't hesitate because he knows he just won the lottery, and what man would wait to "cash in" his winnings?
Why should he wait to tell her how much she means to him? He doesn't see any point in this.
Luck does not last forever, he feels the need to "lock in" success before some other young man comes in his way.
About 7 billion people live on earth, and not everyone can find among them someone with whom you would like to share your life.
Just as lightning does not strike the same place twice, a man does not want to get involved in a game of chance and die again.
How to behave correctly with a man
Family life consists of many situations, both pleasant and not so pleasant. Touching different parts of your loved one's body will help calm his anger, help him ask for forgiveness, and much more.
To apologize
You can sit next to you, put your hand on your knee, squeeze it lightly and quietly say: “Forgive me...”. No man can stand this and forgive! The knee is the most neutral part of the body. In addition, you will have to bend a little, showing your submission.
If a man's knee trembles, it means he is very irritated. Your words may not reach him. Pat your knee, pause and repeat your words. If your loved one turns to you, then you are forgiven.
There is another effective way: quietly press against his back. Even words are not needed here.
Ask for help
Extend your hands, palms up, and ask for help. The man will cover his palms with his hands, as if taking you under protection. You will make him feel his strength and power.
Calming aggression
If a man is about to “boil”, you need to touch his shoulder. But the touch should not be timid, but a little firm. So you pause in his head, and the man calms down. Touching the shoulder makes it clear that he is strong, so he can resolve the issue without aggression.
Persuasive gesture
The man doesn't want to do anything. By clasping your hands in a prayer gesture, you can achieve what you want.
Take your spouse's hands in your palms so that they are down. Then bring them together in a “prayer” position. Body contact, hand position from below and the right words will do the trick. He will sense your superiority at the moment and will fulfill your desire.
Stress management
A tired man, and even one who has experienced stress at work, can be quickly brought into a peaceful state. How to do it:
- Sit quietly next to him and start running through his hair to make him feel cared for and comfortable.
- Give a light neck massage or just stroke the neck area. A pleasant touch will relieve tension and stress.
To show a man that he is the sexiest, slap him on the butt. This gesture means admiration.
Touching your cheek with your palm means a declaration of love. The guy's face is a very sensitive place. In films about love, this particular gesture is demonstrated many times. Kisses and love follow.
Invitation to...
To make it clear that you are ready for caresses today, move along the inside of your thigh. This is the most sensitive part of the male body.
He's mature enough to face commitment
I'm not talking about the fact that he is not afraid of commitment - no, most people are afraid of this, the point is that no matter what, he is ready to take this step. He is ready to find compromise solutions because he is sure that his woman is worthy of it.
Perhaps he is afraid of obligations, but he will not run away from them; he faces his fears - which is what a man should do. In addition, he may be more than willing to commit himself, as long as he doesn't have these scary thoughts.
Perhaps there is nothing he wants more than to settle down and love his woman with all his heart.
He may be ready to devote himself and his life entirely to her. Regardless of whether he is afraid of commitment, if he is willing to devote himself to his woman, then he is a real man.
The best relationship of your life will be with a girl who is afraid of love.
You can't rush things with her because it will take her time to trust you. She doesn't jump from relationship to relationship, but is extremely selective about who she can call her boyfriend. She's not going to flaunt her personal connection on social media or talk about it on every corner. She will keep everything to herself until she becomes more confident in you.
She will give you freedom because she herself needs it.
When someone is afraid of love, that person does not put in the effort to find it. He invests time and emotions in other, abstract things. So when she finds the right relationship, she will make you a priority without being consumed by you.
The point is that she has her own life, which she built herself and is proud of it.
She doesn't know what it's like to be someone's girlfriend.
Most people need relationships to feel secure. She wants real feelings and a strong connection. She doesn't need to hide her fear of being alone under the guise of a relationship. She values relationships if she enters into them. And he makes every effort.
Before, she didn't know what it meant to share each other's feelings, but she still gave people her emotions, energy and time, whether they deserved it or not.
Therefore, when she meets a worthwhile person, she appreciates him. She says “thank you” to him too often. At first, out of habit, she doubts and thinks that everything in her relationship is too good to be true, but when she gets used to her chosen one a little and learns to trust him, she will be the most caring and attentive girl in the world.
She will be brutally honest.
She knows what it's like to listen to lies told by someone you love, so she's not going to do that to other people. She will not play with someone's emotions, but will directly say what she thinks and feels. A girl who is afraid of getting hurt will never do it.
She will be more closed than the others.
It has many layers because it has been through a lot, so you will have a hard time opening it. And when she can trust you enough to tell you about her past, you will understand why she is the way she is. Your understanding and confidence in her will heal her wounds.
She loves harder than anyone.
When you win her heart, her protective walls will fall. She will love you with all her soul and change the way you feel about yourself. Because girls who are afraid of love have the biggest hearts.
The best relationship of your life will be with a girl who is afraid of love.
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He wants her to understand how beautiful she is and how much she means to him.
Most men, for some reason, believe that women understand how much they mean to us. Unfortunately, everything is exactly the opposite.
If your woman is not a diviner, you need to use your words and your actions. You should be there, tell her about your love and show her how important she is to you.
A real man understands this, and moreover, understands how important it is for his partner to know that she is loved.
Your indecisiveness tells her that you are insecure.
She says that even though you promise to always be there and love her, one day you may leave her.
You may think that your indecisiveness is invisible, but in fact it often causes incredible harm.
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Why are guys afraid of girls?
Dating and Pickup
Why are guys afraid of girls?
It’s safe to say that every girl has faced a situation where some guy was afraid to get to know her, or was afraid to start a relationship with her. Naturally, then the girl took it personally and began to look for reasons in herself, or became very offended by the guy, since he “considered” her ugly, and so on.
In fact, the reason lies not in the girl, but in the guy himself, or, to be more precise, in his inner confidence. This seems strange, but a huge number of guys are afraid to take the first step towards a girl, and if we talk about relationships, then the fear of the decisive step is truly enormous. However, let's look at the reasons why a guy is afraid of girls.
The guy is afraid of the girl's refusal
The more beautiful a girl is, the more guys want to meet her every day. This is common practice and few will argue with it. Therefore, when a guy comes across a beautiful girl, he immediately imagines these thousands of refusals that the girl has already told everyone, and estimates his chances of success. He understands that the girl will most likely refuse him, and no one wants to be rejected, especially by such a beautiful girl. Therefore, the guy simply convinces himself that this girl is looking for another guy, but she doesn’t need him.
In other words, we get a situation where a beautiful girl cuts off ordinary guys with her appearance, and receives offers exclusively from arrogant rednecks or guys with material capabilities. On the one hand, this is good, but on the other, it deprives her of the opportunity to find herself a normal guy.
Therefore, if a girl has recently begun to receive proposals exclusively from these two categories, then, most likely, she needs to dress and behave a little simpler so that guys stop thinking about her: “Oh, I won’t even offer to meet her, she needs a successful guy in a Lexus."
Of course, the question immediately arises: “Why do you need an insecure guy who is afraid of beautiful girls?” There is a second reason why guys are afraid to meet a girl.
The guy is afraid to choose the wrong girl
There are two categories of girls in the understanding of guys:
- Girls who are fun to hang out with (sleep with)
- Girls you can build relationships with
As a rule, the first category includes girls whose appearance and behavior show the guy that they are quite easy to communicate with, and sometimes easily agree to sex. And the problem is that even if the girl is normal, but still her behavior or appearance reminds the guy of the image of a walking girl, then the guy will think twice before meeting her (we are talking about normal guys who are looking for good girls ).
Therefore, the guy will be unsure to the last moment about the correctness of his choice, he will be afraid to “pick up” a dirty girl. And this is a completely adequate desire for a guy to date a worthy girl.
It is for this reason that most often the first to get married are girls whose appearance and behavior are quite modest, sometimes they are even real mice or homebodies. Because normal guys are not afraid to make mistakes with them and understand perfectly well what can be expected from them and what not. But girls who are prettier and more impressive are already perceived by guys with a certain degree of suspicion, however, often justifiably.
But girls are no slouch either! And if by the age of 25-26 they cannot find a husband, then they change their behavior from independent and bright to modest and quiet. What attracts good men to you. Love is more important than money. But let this remain our little secret.
The guy doesn't want to, but isn't afraid
Every guy has a set of requirements for a girl that he tries to comply with. For example, a guy is looking for a girl with blue eyes, a slender figure and a height of over 170 centimeters. Of course, if he really liked the girl, then he can close his eyes to something from this list, but you shouldn’t hope that he will turn a blind eye to everything.
Therefore, if some pretty girl seeks his attention, and he keeps her at a distance, or in the friend zone, then, most likely, this is the reason. The girl just doesn't fit his type.
However, with age and time, guys' tastes change, so the same girl may at first be “unsuitable”, but after a while become truly desirable. It's simple.
What to do if a guy is afraid to get to know you
Most girls, faced with a similar situation, take the only move - they begin to improve their appearance, trying to look more and more sexy.
Of course, if a guy is afraid to meet a girl precisely because his ideals do not coincide with the girl’s appearance, then this move may work, but this is a rather rare occurrence. Most often, guys are afraid of a girl’s beauty and her potential rejection. And for this there is only one simple solution - to behave more simply and not turn up your nose. This, firstly, will give you a more decent and modest appearance, and, secondly, it will help the guy stop thinking about refusing such a “beautiful and popular” girl. This, of course, seems like a stupid idea, but this is exactly what many guys need to stop being afraid of girls.
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He's afraid of losing her
Right. A real man is afraid of losing the woman he loves and is not at all afraid to admit it.
When you meet your ideal woman, you should be afraid of losing her, as this could be your tragedy.
She becomes your life, and if you were to lose her, you would lose yourself - or rather, you would lose the person she helped you become. It is an integral part of you.
A real man is afraid for the woman he loves and accepts and admits it.
He allows this fear to guide him and help him realize how important this woman is to him.
Real men are afraid - more afraid than others. This is not a sign of weakness, but rather a sign of self-awareness.
He is ready to throw the whole world at her feet because he believes that she deserves it.
He wants to be the first and only one who will show her new places, let her try new dishes, long-aging wines and give her adventures. He wants to be the first to give her many new experiences, because he wants to become as much a part of her as she became of him.
He wants her to look back one day and remember all these amazing adventures and for a smile to appear on her face. He wants her to smile, to be happy, to be satisfied with herself, her life, her life experiences and the decisions she has made.
Deciding who you're going to spend the rest of your life with is undoubtedly the most important decision every person makes.
A real man refuses to be the reason a woman regrets spending her allotted days on this planet. On the contrary, he wants to be a cause of joy.
Is he both willing and afraid?
Hello, Zhenya.
You are 21 years old, young, optimistic and full of desire to love.
Your friend is 28 years old. He says that “at this period of his life he is afraid to get attached to someone , which is difficult for him now .” Unfortunately, you did not write what events happened in his life that made it difficult. If a person is afraid to become attached, it means that the previous attachment was painful and ended badly. Perhaps it was a breakup with a girl, and then, naturally, a person needs time to recover from the ashes, heal mental wounds, and only then be able to open up to a new relationship again. And this will not happen soon; trust in people is restored slowly. A person still remembers too much the pain that followed attachment, he does not want to make the same mistake again, he strives to avoid pain. And that is why he is so indecisive and so cautious.
There is also an interesting feature in men. Along with the need for love and intimacy, every man has a need for autonomy and independence. And when a man gets too close to a woman, he begins to think that just a little more and he will dissolve in the woman, will cease to be independent, this scares him and he moves back. And such a retreat can happen just when the relationship becomes especially close, and then the woman cannot understand what she did wrong and panics. This is the main difference between male and female psychology: a woman strives to become as close as possible to her partner, but he runs away from time to time because he wants to be independent and keep his distance.
And in fact, you, Zhenya, chose the most correct tactic: to become friends. You “decided to move slowly, get to know each other.” And this is a very sure path to a long and reliable relationship. Because as soon as a guy and a girl begin an intimate life, without having time to get to know each other as individuals, their minds turn off, they cannot see each other for real, but see “through rose-colored glasses.” And this leads first to fascination with each other, and then, inevitably, to disappointment. Because there are no ideal people in nature, everyone has their own advantages and disadvantages. And only when we get to know a person “for real”, for who he really is, and accept him with all his pros and cons, become close friends, only then are we ready for true love, and this can become the next stage of the relationship, romantic.
Therefore, please, do not rush things, move slowly, get to know each other from different sides: habits, hobbies, intelligence, expectations from family life, behavioral stereotypes in the parental family... And if you are in tune with each other, close in ideas, in characters, if you feel good together, then you will smoothly move on to a closer relationship, and it will be true love.
If you have any questions, please contact me, I will be happy to help.
I consult via Skype.
Sincerely, Elena Vokulenko.
The second child - and you want and inject... (1 answer)
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He doesn't have the slightest reason to doubt
Not a single good reason, at least.
Of course, we can always come up with excuses or even incredible scenarios, and sometimes even real nonsense, just so as not to break anyone’s heart.
Real men don't do this, but scumbags do.
A real man has no reason to doubt or wait long to express his feelings. She is his ideal woman. If he wants to become her ideal man, he will make this decision - and this will be the first step.
More often than not, people choose to be blind, leave and break up. Most relationships are doomed to fail because they are between two people who are unable to work together.
But when you find the right person, there's no good reason to resist.
We can come up with a bunch of excuses, but they're just excuses. A real man is honest with himself. When he knows he has found the one, he makes her the one.
The lion's share of quarrels among married couples arises due to excessive control on the part of one partner and insufficient attention on the part of the other. As a rule, a man suffers from excessive care of his beloved, and a woman is offended when she does not receive every minute participation from her other half. Girls feel a lack of attention as a lack of love.
He and she perceive family relationships differently. Regardless of the strength of his feelings for you, a man will never want to give up gatherings with friends and going to football. Women, on the contrary, tend to rush headlong into relationships, forget about girlfriends and entertainment where their loved one does not participate. Because of this, painful dissonance arises.
The first golden rule: to avoid problems, slow down with guardianship. Don’t concentrate on your man 24 hours a day; it’s better to find two or three hobbies that will take up your free time. While your husband is sitting at a bar with friends, you go to sports, to a beauty salon, meet with girlfriends, sign up for advanced training courses, trainings... This way you will not only leave your man several hours of free time a day without your calls and SMS, but also You will improve yourself externally and internally. Believe me, a man never wants to lose a beautiful, self-sufficient woman.
Reasons why men are afraid of the girl they like
When a guy meets the ideal lady of his heart, he may experience fear, especially when he sees such qualities:
Success
When a successful woman is next to a man, he may feel inferior and weak. In modern reality, there are many examples of successful people living completely alone.
Independence
This point is related to the above. But this option depends not only on financial well-being. There are women who are independent on their own. They can change a light bulb, fix a faucet, raise a child, and so on and so forth. In this case, what can a man feel other than his uselessness? Nothing.
Stubbornness
Men need to see that his opinion is taken into account. In the absence of a man's authority in a relationship with a woman, the man often leaves. It is important for partners to feel important to their chosen one.
Security
Every man wants to protect his life partner, wanting to see tenderness and fragility in her. But when a woman can stand up for herself and achieve everything in life on her own, why does she need the care and love that a man wants to give.
Individual reasons not related to the girl herself:
Lack of self-control
Feelings of love are very strong, they influence decision-making and allow you to master yourself. Men, in turn, are not fans of showing their addiction. They accept this condition with discomfort. Because of this, they, on a subconscious level, put a block on sensuality, trying to maintain comfort and balance in their mind, thoughts and emotions.
Deprivation of liberty
Most guys believe that by entering into a relationship, they will lose their freedom. When a person’s freedom of will and action is a priority, he will avoid love relationships with all his might, for fear of losing his freedom.
Unsuccessful previous experience
For a man, past experience in relationships with women plays a very important role. In case of unsuccessful communication with a girl, the consequences leave a negative imprint on the guy’s soul. After such a result, a person is afraid to experience the former pain again. To avoid it, he distances himself from long-term relationships, content with fleeting affairs, one-night stands and simple communication.
Fear of responsibility
At first glance, a man may look calm when communicating with you. But this is not always the case, in fact. As soon as you start talking about weddings, children and other similar topics, the man’s face changes dramatically. He will avoid further communication with you. These men cope well with household chores on their own. For their own satisfaction, they find girls who do not build long-term relationships and do not talk about a future together.
The realization that the relationship with the girl he likes can become serious. They seem something terrible to him. Bachelors most often think in this direction. They believe that love is associated with troubles, constant household and many other worries.
Risk of being rejected
This moment has its roots in past negative experiences, from which self-doubt appeared. When a guy doubts reciprocity, he will hide his true feelings until the last day. In some cases, this can play a cruel joke on a guy, and he will withdraw into himself.
The desire to look brutal
During love feelings, the strings of the soul open, which men associate with weakness. They block them within themselves. Some men go so far as to not believe in the existence of tender feelings at all. They prioritize the material benefits of their partner. They think that a sensual guy can't be cool.
Poverty
When a guy doesn't have a lot of money. This greatly affects his self-esteem and plunges him into complexes. This is due to the fact that in modern society there is an opinion that girls only need money. That’s why guys think that without expensive gifts and trips to restaurants, nothing will happen. In some cases, a man is really greedy, which makes him also lonely.
Doubts about loyalty
Guys are afraid that they will be betrayed. They fear that their beautiful girl will be hunted. She will switch to another guy who is more handsome or more successful. These fears take place in our reality if a girl is mercantile and pursues material gain for herself, which is the determining factor in choosing a life partner.
Now, you know the signs that show why a guy is afraid of the girl he is in love with. But you can fix the situation. If you and your gentleman strive for harmony in your relationship. Correct behavior will help remove all your partner’s fears and achieve the desired happiness. What moments do you know that could make a man afraid of his girlfriend? Write them in the comments.
Support him
Balance and harmony are needed in a relationship, so don't go to extremes. Have we convinced you that there is no need to overprotect your man? Great, but don't forget to call (not often, once a day is enough!) and ask how he is doing and if he wants to join you, for example, in the gym? Now you are equal partners, halves of one whole. Ask about his victories and failures and, if necessary, provide support. Men will never share their failures with friends, which is why sometimes they need the help of their beloved so much.
The second golden rule: be with your loved one in moments of victory and defeat. Men will never want to lose a girl who understands them and accepts them as they are.
Stay attractive
After marriage, many women stop devoting sufficient time to caring for themselves. Remember yourself at a time when you wanted to attract the attention of your chosen one. How many new dresses and blouses have appeared in your wardrobe? Surely almost every day you had your hair done at the hairdresser, put on heels, sacrificing convenience for the sake of beauty? If you still stand in front of the mirror for an hour every day, there is no need to worry, but if the time that you previously devoted to self-care is spent on washing, ironing and “rum women”, slow down. Rethink your daily routine. A man, of course, will appreciate the care, but, first of all, he wants to see you as beautiful as before.
Third golden rule: Always wear stylish makeup and impeccable manicure. A man is afraid of losing a beautiful woman.
He cares about the lady
When a young lady allows her chosen one to take care of her, show courage and take responsibility for her, this is excellent. A woman’s task is precisely to allow her lover to be like this. But you shouldn’t climb in front of the locomotive yourself. But many women in Russia do exactly the opposite.
Don't be jealous!
Women sometimes overly romanticize jealousy directed in their direction, considering it proof of love. At the same time, they can terrorize a man for a long time and persistently if he has to experience jealousy. Neither one nor the other helps build relationships. If you decide to provoke a guy to jealousy, be prepared for the most unexpected consequences. Some men may be seriously angry, others will consider you frivolous, and still others will even consider jealousy as evidence of self-neglect. It's better not to joke with jealousy.
Unlike women, all men, without exception, despise such a manifestation of love and experience irritation if the woman they love turns out to be jealous.
Psychologists say that most often the cause of jealousy is self-doubt. That is why a woman thinks that her man is about to find someone better and begins to play detective.
The fourth golden rule: focus on yourself, attend as many cosmetic procedures as you need in order to feel the most beautiful. And the jealousy will go away.
Possible reasons
Experienced violence from a male representative will definitely affect the development of fear of guys.
Let's look at why such a fear can develop, where the roots of fear of male representatives come from.
- One of the reasons for the fear of men is the example of the relationship between parents and the situation in childhood. For example, if a girl grew up watching her father constantly offend her mother, or he resorted to physical violence, which was also directed at his daughter. There may also be a slightly different situation when a girl grows up without a father, together with her mother, aunt, grandmother, there are no men in her family, and the guys seem like strangers from an “alien planet”; they are really scary.
- The presence of incorrect attitudes inspired by public opinion. A girl can grow up constantly hearing that men are more worthy, smarter, have more opportunities, are more successful, and that women are their complement. As you grow older, you may develop negativity directed at males.
- Bad experience in the past. The young lady could have had a relationship with a man who betrayed her and even caused her mental trauma. Now she is afraid to trust someone, she is frightened by the possibility of developing any relationship, close contact with a young man.
- The result of physical violence, rape. If a girl has been attacked by a rapist, without working through the situation with a psychotherapist, she will definitely develop a fear of guys.
- Strict upbringing. If the parents constantly instilled in the girl that it was indecent to communicate with boys, they forbade her to go on dates in order to prevent vicious relationships, and over time they developed the attitude that boys are bad, they are evil. The situation could have developed in another way: the girl went to meet a young man, returned home, received a lot of negativity directed in her direction, including being called a “slutty girl,” slapped in the face, and shamed for showing interest in the guy. Such a girl will certainly develop persistent disgust in response to the interest shown, and will fear that in the future she will be punished for her communication with a young man, that this cannot be allowed, it is vicious and dirty.
- Low self-esteem. A situation where a girl is left alone after some kind of relationship, believes that she is not attractive or smart enough, since she was abandoned, replaced with another person. The young lady will be afraid of new relationships, because the fear of being abandoned will remain. Or a girl does not allow guys to approach her, because she is unsure that in principle someone might like her, she has many complexes and an underestimated assessment of herself and her capabilities. She may believe that she is unworthy of any relationship with a member of the opposite sex, “why start one, so that later, when the guy is disappointed with me, he will break off the relationship and leave alone?”
- The need to create adult relationships and get married can also be scary, and the fear of guys stems from these fears. It mainly occurs in infantile individuals who remain little girls at heart.
If you are sure that only scum will meet on your way, it is possible that this is exactly what will happen, because with our thoughts we program our reality.
Make him feel needed
Every man strives to show his other half how necessary and good he is. You can play along a little with his noble aspirations and from time to time ask for small, and not so, favors. If a man is good with technology, call him to repair the toaster. If you call a handyman to your home, your young man may perceive this as an insult to his dignity. Therefore, before you do anything, tell him about the problem, let your lover decide for himself whether he can cope on his own or needs help.
If your significant other doesn’t have the skills to solve a problem, don’t tell him: “You’re a man...” Your boyfriend may be a professional in one matter, but not understand another. And this is normal, because we are all human. Remember, this type of reproach makes a man feel weak. In response, you may receive an even more painful attack, because you will hurt his male ego.
The fifth golden rule: be smart and use the strengths of your loved one, tactfully keeping silent about the weaknesses! Compromising relationships are usually the most stable and long-lasting. Men are afraid of losing a woman with whom they feel strong and courageous.
Be understanding about finances
Another sore spot for many men is financial well-being. Criticism of his work, salary, reproaches regarding the cost of gifts, and the like often lead to the complete collapse of the relationship.
The sixth golden rule: refrain from criticizing the financial situation of your chosen one. If you are not satisfied with his income, then discuss at a family council how you can improve your well-being. A man will never want to lose a woman who knows that money is much cheaper than love.
Don't get carried away with resentment and anger
It can be difficult to restore the former warmth in communication even after several days of mutual insults, not to mention longer quarrels. Equal relationships are the key to success and harmony.
The seventh golden rule: if you love your chosen one, then learn to accept him, and not the idealized image that you painted in your head in those months when he courted you. A man will appreciate this and be afraid of losing you.
In all relationships, coolness comes over time, or one of the partners begins to disdain the other. This mainly applies to men; as soon as he wins a girl, he calms down almost immediately. It seems to him that she will not go anywhere. For a guy to appreciate a woman, you need to act in a certain way. Say pleasant words to him, ask for help in case of difficulties and show with all your appearance that he is a hero. But do not overdo it and give him freedom for personal matters.
Tips for getting rid of your fear of guys
Fear of guys can eventually lead to loneliness, the inability to start a family, give birth to a child, problems may arise at work, there will be no career growth if the boss is a man or you have to work in a male team. Therefore, it is important to get rid of this fear.
- If the whole problem is that you are not confident in yourself, you need to work on your confidence, become an open girl who radiates only positive qualities. It is important to understand that no one is perfect, everyone has their own vices and shortcomings. And you don't have to be perfect to be worthy of love or a romantic relationship.
- If fear is caused by negative experience, for example, in your life there were relationships that left a traumatic imprint, and you regard all male representatives as possible traitors, those who can hurt, pose a real threat, then it is not surprising that such fear arose. In this situation, you need to understand that not everyone is such an individual, that there are also normal guys, that you will still meet your soulmate.
- If the problem is that fear is caused by a reluctance to start an adult relationship, start a family, or have children, then you are simply not psychologically ready for such changes in your life. Inside, you are still a child, not ready for an adult relationship. Over time, the moment will come when everything will change, and you yourself will come to the understanding that guys are not dangerous, you can and should communicate with them, start relationships.
- If you are familiar with the phrase “I’m afraid of guys,” and this is due to the fear of intimacy with a member of the opposite sex, then first you can start a friendly relationship with a guy who does not evoke any feelings. You need to make friends with a young man who will fit into the role of a person from your environment and will become a “girlfriend”. Once you let a guy approach you, you will begin to realize that men are no different from girls, that they are the same people from Earth, and not aliens from another planet. Then the fear of stranger guys will begin to dissipate.
- Sometimes it is very difficult to start communicating with a guy in person, but when corresponding on social networks it is much easier to do this when direct contact is not needed. If this is your case, then you can try this method. As communication improves and fear gradually goes away, you can move on to the next stage, namely: try to talk to a passerby, a male salesperson in a store, just to start interacting with guys without feeling afraid.
- You need to try to be outside your home as often as possible, to go to places where there are a lot of young people, representatives of different genders. Living in such a society, you have to get used to the fact that you are surrounded by guys. Over time, the fear will subside.
- If your case is a history of violence inflicted by a man, strict upbringing by parents who claim that “boys are evil”, growing up with a tyrant father, then you cannot do without the help of an experienced psychologist or psychotherapist. These problems are very deep and should only be addressed by a specialist.
- The most effective way to get rid of any fear is psychotherapy. Only an experienced specialist will be able to recognize the real reason that led to the emergence of such fear. Having determined the source of the problem, the psychotherapist will teach you how to work through a traumatic situation in the past in order to get rid of fear in the present.
Now you know what to do if you are afraid of guys. It is important to understand that at some stage this may be normal, but if such a problem is permanent and gets worse over time, then it is necessary to urgently take active steps to get rid of this fear; if it is impossible to cope with it on your own, contact seek help from an experienced psychotherapist.
How can you not behave?
When two people are together for a long time, feelings gradually weaken, and a man may begin to perceive a woman as his already conquered property. At the same time, the lady’s behavior is the opposite; over time, she begins to care more about her partner, surrounding him with love and attention.
But most often it happens that the more ideal a woman wants to be, which tires a man more and therefore, instead of meeting his beloved, he goes to see friends.
For a man to be afraid of losing his lady, she must act in a certain way. To ensure everything goes perfectly, you cannot do the following:
- Talk directly about what she is going to do to make her partner appreciate her more.
- Call often, especially if he is with friends.
- Flirting with other men. This may make him angry and he will lose interest in the woman.
Aries man how to behave with him
To make a guy afraid of losing his beloved, you need to act in a certain way. You should listen to the advice of psychologists.
How can you make a man understand that he may lose his beloved:
- Be independent. You need to constantly be at some distance from him. Be able to provide for yourself, communicate with friends, go to the cinema. There is no need to arrange to view his messages and calls. If he wants to change, the woman will not know. A man is afraid of losing a wise, independent girl who can easily support any conversation.
- Control your emotions. No matter how a girl is overwhelmed by feelings, everything should be in moderation, it’s better to cuddle a kitten, or just kiss a man on the cheek. A lot of SMS messages and calls are unlikely to please a guy. But there is no need to completely forget about him.
- Become a friend. You need to become for him not just a beloved woman, but a friend and psychologist. Surely he suffers from a misunderstanding of others, it is necessary to listen and support him with advice. Let women's intuition tell you how to get him to talk. We need to understand the issues that are important to him.
- Stay weak. You need to forget about heavy bags, rearranging furniture, and DIY repairs. No one doubts that a woman can do anything. But if there is a guy nearby, then you need to give him the opportunity to help the lady. The psychology of men is that he wants to be the main one in the relationship. We must talk about how wonderful, polite and responsive he is.
How to behave with a man
How to behave with a man in bed?
The intimate side in life is quite important and in order for a man to be afraid of losing a woman, he must remember the following:
- 1. You need to take care of your husband. Pleasure during intimacy should be mutual. Not only a man should try to please a woman. And a woman should try too.
- 2. Show initiative. This is very attractive to young people, since most of the initiative comes from them. If a girl has never taken this on herself before, you should try to arrange a romantic dinner or a relaxing massage for the guy.
- 3. Diversify your sex life. At the beginning of a relationship, sex is always at its best, but over time, feelings dull. To bring newness to a relationship, you need to buy beautiful lingerie and show everything you are capable of.
- 4. Forget about embarrassment. In bed you need to be as open as possible and enjoy yourself. Try to never let your hands lie idle: you need to hug your partner, you can even scratch them a little.
- 5. Pay attention to each other after sex is over. Lie down hugging for a while, kiss, or give your partner a massage.
How to make a boy fall in love with you
Three main fears of men in love
Psychology names three main reasons why lovers begin to feel fear of their passion.
Fear of rejection and devaluation of his feelings
When there is no relationship yet, but sympathy has already arisen, a man can suppress it and not show any initiative, so as not to receive a refusal that is painful for his pride. At the same time, the unfortunate gentleman can fantasize to the maximum idealization of the image of the woman he likes - in order to conclude that such a princess will never condescend to him, a mere mortal. And therefore, it is better for him to avoid even meeting with her, so as not to feel like an insignificance once again.
Although it is precisely such “unworthy” ones who usually zealously follow a girl on social networks and in life, and are bitterly offended when she prefers someone less timid.
The reason for this fear is complexes, resentment towards women in general and the inability to adequately communicate with girls. And all this, of course, really increases the risk of not liking the lady and getting rejected.
It is easier for an infantile man to refuse a relationship than to take responsibility
Fear of responsibility in relationships
Infantile guys are not afraid of women, but of normal long-term relationships with them. They are not afraid to look a girl in the eyes, touch her, flirt, etc. – they are frightened by the fact that a cute and desirable “toy” may want seriousness.
And then you will have to grow up, take responsibility for yourself and your loved one, think through the format of the relationship, and improve for the sake of your woman.
But the infantile does not want this - it is easier for him to convince himself that he is afraid of the young lady he likes than to admit that he is simply too lazy to build a healthy relationship with her.
Fear of a painful breakup
The fear of becoming attached, of experiencing happiness in love, but of being abandoned, is inherent in all people in love. But sometimes this fear is unmotivatedly great: every moment of reciprocity seems to be an exception and condescension on the part of the beloved, every event or random phrase seems to be a hint of an imminent breakup, etc. And life after separation is depicted as impenetrably gloomy and meaningless.
All these considerations sometimes become a real reason for a man not to start a relationship at all.
And if a relationship does begin, then a guy who is afraid of separation may turn out to be a “controller,” a pathological jealous person, and even an abuser who will go to any lengths to ensure that the woman doesn’t go anywhere.
The fear of loss may be caused by painful previous relationship experiences and low self-esteem.
A wise woman will allow a man to sort out his feelings himself and take the first step
Features of the zodiac signs
A horoscope will help you understand the intricacies of the character of your beloved man:
- 1. Aries. We must do everything possible and impossible so that life does not turn into a routine. When communicating with Aries, you must adhere to the following rules: you cannot make him wait; you need to speak directly about your desires; do not speak disparagingly about his favorite things; You can’t restrict his freedom and meddle in his affairs.
- 2. Taurus. He is the most patient sign of the zodiac, but if his thicket of patience is full, then nothing will stop him. To retain him, you need to give him a feeling of confidence in the future and create a cozy and comfortable atmosphere. When communicating with Taurus, you need to learn how to cook well and get along with relatives; no need to be wasteful; you should not impose your interests; no need to provoke jealousy.
- 3. Gemini. A man of this zodiac sign appreciates a woman’s intelligence and ability to be a good conversationalist. But squabbles and scandals are the shortest way to lose it. Representatives of this sign may change their minds about breaking up if they begin to see changes in the woman. When communicating with them, you need to adhere to the rules: create a cozy atmosphere at home and do not criticize the man; give him freedom and his own space; Every day it’s worth expanding your horizons; accept that he will have a large number of friends and acquaintances.
- 4. Cancer. Warmth and tenderness in relationships are important to him. Parting with a woman is always quite difficult for him and is perceived as the end of the world. But in most cases, Cancers return to their previous relationships, realizing that they understood him best there. When communicating with Cancers, you need to adhere to the following rules: create comfort and convenience at home; talk about your feelings more often; treat his favorite things carefully; pamper him with little surprises.
- 5. Leo This zodiac sign is quite straightforward and if something doesn’t suit him, he will say it right away. You shouldn’t scold him for his commitment to a beautiful life and be a bore. React calmly to his flirting with other girls, but do not remain silent when he goes beyond all boundaries. One must always look beautiful so that he has a reason to be proud.
- 6. Virgo. They value conscientiousness and decency in a woman. If something goes wrong, the man will break up with the lady without regrets. You need to please your partner with an elegant and neat appearance; do not speak disrespectfully about him in front of strangers; do not impose your tastes on a man; never flirt with other guys.
- 7. Libra. We must not allow a man to stop considering a woman mysterious and charming. When communicating with him, you need to follow the following rules: you need to take care of yourself, a woman needs to be sweet and charming; You shouldn’t burden him with household responsibilities and forbid him to look at other girls.
- 8. Scorpio. This is the leader in relationships and is used to dominating. Men of this sign do not make hasty decisions. And even having dared to break up the relationship, they may not let the woman go for a long time. It is worth trying to prove yourself as a passionate and liberated lover. There is no need to deceive him and challenge his leadership in the family, do not try to hurt his pride and do not give reasons for jealousy.
- 9. Sagittarius. They love bright and intelligent women. You need to try to accept all his oddities and let him do his own thing. After breaking up, friendship with them is possible; you should not hope for restoration of relations. When communicating with him, you need to adhere to the following rules: share his interests and hobbies; be simple and direct; listen to the man’s point of view and treat it with understanding.
- 10. Capricorn. These men are born to serve a purpose. Even when the love is gone, they do not give consent for a long time to break off the relationship, because they do not like to destroy the existing order of things. When communicating with Capricorn, you don’t need to whine, but speak clearly about your problems. We must be economical and responsible and contribute to his career advancement.
- 11. Aquarius. You shouldn’t try to make him like everyone else; men of this zodiac sign have a different way of looking at things. There is no need to limit his freedom. You cannot criticize his friends, you need to be peaceful and delicate.
- 12. Pisces. Men of this sign can fall in love not with a specific woman, but with a certain image of her. Pisces are very flexible and suggestible, which is their drawback. Men of this sign often date 2 women. The end result depends on which lady takes power into her own hands. When communicating with Pisces, the following rules apply: you cannot show anger towards a man; you have to come to terms with the fact that decisions and everyday life will always depend on the woman.
For a man to appreciate a woman and be afraid of losing her, you need to be special, not like everyone else.
Even in moments of happiness and sincere love, some guys begin to doubt the purity of their girlfriend’s feelings and begin to be afraid of losing her. And sooner or later it begins to take on an extremely depressing appearance, which has a serious effect on moral peace and the physical ability to make love.
It’s difficult to think about something positive and good when every day you are haunted by the thought that tomorrow the girl may leave for someone else, and you will be left completely alone. This provokes illogical and sometimes completely thoughtless actions, jealousy and threats of violence, in extreme cases.
Naturally, no sane girl would want to tolerate such behavior from her boyfriend and may indeed begin to doubt the advisability of a relationship with such an insecure man. This will provoke a new wave of doubts and worries, and everything will again take on a deplorable character. To avoid this scenario, there are a few tips to consider.
Why relationships deteriorate
It’s hard to believe, but almost every relationship eventually begins to fall apart at the seams, deteriorate and become a little more boring than it was at the time they met and formed. But brightness and novelty do not pass without a trace. In their place comes understanding, trust and love. And that's completely normal.
But many guys, who are used to seeing and not feeling, begin to sound the alarm due to the fact that the girl is no longer so willing to agree to go for a walk at night, looking at her, she is not so varied in bed, and in general she has begun to discuss with you to a greater extent their problems rather than the admiration of a relationship with you. In other words, men begin to worry that they no longer see the fire in their girls, and they do not want to accept the fact that the fire from the eyes turns into the warmth of the heart.
In this case, you just need to analyze the situation and honestly answer a simple question: “Does the girl see her future with you?” If the answer is “Yes,” then you shouldn’t worry and sound the alarm where there is none. If the answer is “No,” then you need to move on to active action.
What to do to avoid losing a girl
As a rule, in relationships, girls pursue fairly simple and understandable goals: be it a future family, recreation with entertainment, spiritual understanding, or material support with gifts. And it’s safe to say that one of this goals will always be much more important than all the others. And, therefore, you need to understand: “What does the girl want from a relationship with you?”
If you clearly understand that you satisfy most of her requests and desires, then she can leave you only in extreme cases: betrayal, betrayal, physical violence or ordinary stupidity.
If you are having problems making your girlfriend's demands come true. So you either need to work on it, or find a girl who suits you better. Because sooner or later such a girl will still choose another man.
It is important to know and remember:
Men treat the manifestation of love quite simply - I love, I give flowers, I do something nice. Those. a desire that turns into a result. Women value more not the result, but the process itself. This means that small gifts every day will be more effective than a large gift once a year. The same goes for the expression of feelings, emotions and sexuality. Women always need this, albeit in a small portion. Know how to use it!
Dealing with uncertainty
Uncertainty most often arises from the fear that you may end up in a worse situation than you currently have. But the more hesitant you act, the worse your situation with the girl becomes. Because only the man who thinks that this is the only girl who agreed to be with him is afraid of losing. Confident people know that if not one, then another, and women see this and hold on! This means you need:
Money and prospects.
When choosing between an attentive and a rich man, most girls will choose the rich man, since with him there will be fewer financial problems and more opportunities to prove themselves as a real woman. This means that you need to take some time to work on your financial situation and prospects. Women don't leave successful men!
Physical health.
To be confident you need to be happy with your appearance. For men, this most often lies in physical health and the volume of excess folds on the abdomen. Fortunately, there are now places where this can be resolved fairly quickly.
Impudence.
A man must be a little arrogant so that a woman sees in him not just consumers, but also a real conqueror. Therefore, you need to learn to put your interests a little higher than the interests of your girlfriend. And the main thing is to skillfully show this to her, so that she knows that everything will happen, but your problems will be solved first.
What do we end up with?
The fear of losing a girl is largely explained by a man’s insecurity and lack of understanding of the girl’s goals. If you can take care of yourself and understand the girl’s desires, then all fears will pass, and you will become a real ideal for your chosen one.
How are they not afraid of losing a man or woman? Husband or wife? Take a closer look at yourself.
To what extent is your internal personal platform, your basic “I”, regardless of the circumstances in your relationship with your partner? Does your psychic energy flow, as in the case of communicating vessels? When it decreases in one, it increases in the other and vice versa.
It happens that one of the spouses (lovers) plunges into their dark depths, into a period of bad luck. Then the second one lends his shoulder and feels more confident. As soon as the “sufferer” gets out of his misfortunes, the second one gradually loses his confidence. In other words: as soon as you begin to need less support and approval from your partner, he begins to lose you.
If so, this is an alarming signal! Your marriage, love is in danger. There is not enough room in the space of personal feelings for both of you to be strong. Therefore, the history of relationships becomes similar to the “transfusion” of energy from one communicating vessel to another. Sometimes, in order not to lose a loved one, he (s) subconsciously wants trouble to happen to you so that he can become strong. Or maybe you have noticed something similar in yourself?
When you need to be needed, you contribute to the weakness of your chosen one. If he needs you to need him, then he is contributing to your weakness. This is unconscious suppression. However, it can be worse. Conscious suppression also occurs among couples who seek “togetherness.”
So, don't use your partner as a driver and don't let him use you. You won't get that far. You “get attached” to a person, next to whom you can show your best qualities. This means that without it you will not realize yourself, and you will live in fear of losing your source of energy. Therefore, you grab onto him or her with a death grip. Remember what happens to a drowning man who clings to his savior. They can both go down! Most often this is what happens.
Why don't each of you develop your own ability to swim and float, instead of relying on the other? Why not both become good swimmers? Then fear will lose its meaning. If you cling to your partner like a drowning man, then he has a desire to push you away - in order to survive. This triggers the self-preservation instinct. But you can’t fight instinct! The tighter you hold on to someone, the more the pushing force increases. This subconscious process is not easy to track when it begins. But once it gains momentum, you can't stop it.
To understand how not to be afraid of losing a man or woman, I do not at all advise you to separate yourself from everyone and cherish your ego. What I am trying to explain to you is that “being yourself” and “being with someone” are not contradictions, but realities that need to be brought into balance. Any imbalance gives rise to problems that destroy the strongest and most reliable feelings. union. If strength and reliability are subjected to constant testing, they may fail. We live in a polar world where absolute strength and absolute reliability do not exist.
When your partner is trying to manipulate or change you, you will need all the strength to remain yourself and at the same time maintain a good relationship. This way you will save your love union from destruction. If you succumb to outside influence, on the contrary, you will cut the safety rope and fly into the abyss.
Why is it so difficult to say “I love you”?
For many, the cherished “I love you”
is a kind of milestone, a turning point, after which you have no right to make a mistake, because you are responsible not only for your fate and your feelings, but also for the fate and feelings of your half.
You can date and live with a person for years, chat with him for hours about everything in the world, but tremble with your whole body, like a first-grader in the principal’s office, and greedily swallow air, trying to gather your thoughts in order to say one single “I love you.” It’s not for nothing that they say that talking about your feelings only takes a couple of seconds, but showing them will take your whole life.
The pain and disappointments of previous relationships often undermine confidence in one’s own “love.” When you say it once for someone, and then suffer betrayal, betrayal, and suffer, it seems that never again in your life will you allow anyone to break into your soul and create the same mess there. But no matter what the rake teaches, the heart believes in miracles. Therefore, opening it up to someone again and deciding to confess your love, sometimes you have to plunge into confusion, which is generated by the struggle of heart and mind: “Do I really love? Isn't this a habit? Isn't it gratitude?
There are people for whom “I love you”
say as simple as “good evening” and “be well.” And in some cases this phrase is used in contexts in which it loses its original meaning. Others will look with endless tenderness in their eyes, surround them with boundless attention and care, perform actions that will make it obvious to everyone around them that they love, but will not utter a word...
Don't talk about love! You can ruin everything with words. Prove it with your deeds, With your eyes, tenderness, lips, Shower it with fragrant flowers, But don’t talk about it out loud...
But I really want to hear it! A kind word, as they say, is pleasant for a cat, but for a person it’s a balm for the soul.
They are afraid to say “I love you”
when you are not sure of reciprocal feelings. They are afraid to say “I love” when it seems that your multifaceted, deep and all-consuming feeling is too great to fit into the format of three words. And for a person to really understand what’s going on inside you, you’ll have to add something to this “I love.” I love how - “very”, “strongly”, “passionately”, “tenderly”, “quiveringly”, “madly”?..
Any of these words limits everything that is written in your eyes and read in your actions. Therefore, many prefer to remain silent.
There is an opinion that mutual love is quite rare in life. That more often one of the partners loves, and the other allows himself to be loved. For some of them it is enough to give, and for others it is enough to receive. But as for me, only mutual love can be considered love; all other forms (unrequited feelings, mutually beneficial partnership, etc.) are mental illness or well-disguised loneliness. In such cases, of course, say “I love you”
simply meaningless, due to the lack of subject matter.
Reflecting on this topic, I asked dozens of my friends and acquaintances about what they thought about this and whether it was difficult for them to say “I love you.” It turned out that for most people this question is not even worth asking. But a much more important problem comes to the fore: “Why is it so difficult to love”?..
Tags: psychology of relationships, feelings, love
How not to lose a man or woman?
Here's what you should pay attention to in your life together:
- Spouses often focus on each other's shortcomings, instead of developing their own strengths and those of the person with whom you are in a relationship.
- Your personal ability to think, feel and act on your own is largely shaped by your parents. You tend to copy your parents, even if you do not consider them a worthy role model.
- The hope that your spouse will snatch you out of the parental nest is usually not justified. It is his (her) desire to do this that will create problems.
- The opinion that you are “more advanced” than your partner is most likely a fantasy that you indulge yourself in, and a real threat of losing the person forever. When you admit that you are on approximately the same level, it will be easier for you to see what emotions, reproaches and demands you exchange.
- Standing up for your own interests in marriage and intimacy, rather than constantly sacrificing them for the sake of others, will make you happier.
- Your evaluation should not be based on what others think or feel about you! The main criterion is your own opinion about yourself, namely your feelings and sensations. Stop looking at yourself in the distorting mirror called “OTHERS”. Whoever these “OTHERS” are - parents, spouse, lover, girlfriend or boyfriend.
