How to survive the loss of a loved one: recommendations and advice from a psychologist

How to help get out of depression

Unfortunately, our loved ones pass away: some unexpectedly, and some after a long illness. The pain of loss is always the same: tears, grief, misunderstanding of what happened, a long “loss” from normal life.

Unfortunately , a quick way to regain the previous state of mind has not yet been found. it is necessary to take measures to prevent misfortune from leading to severe depression .

The first thing every person who has lost a close relative or friend experiences is shock and shock. Then comes the realization of his guilt. It seems to the mourner that he paid little attention and did not do everything to save the deceased. Feelings of guilt further intensify grief and depression.

Then depression sets in because nothing can be returned, and another stage of life begins without this loved one.

What should a bereaved person do?

Advice from a psychologist will help a bereaved person gain interest in life:

• Don't push away loved ones who came to your aid. Share your experiences, ask about their life. Only communication will help restore peace of mind again.
• Try to maintain your appearance in the same condition. Don't give up on yourself, take care of yourself. The deceased would not like that you forgot about yourself. It’s clear that there’s no time for that now, but at least don’t forget to brush your teeth, wash your hair, wash your face, and cook food. Usually after the death of a loved one, appetite disappears.
• The surest way is to ease your worries, write a letter to the deceased, where you tell him everything that you did not have time to say. Be sure to tell me how bad it is without him. This letter, especially to a woman, as a more emotional being, will help her cope with the loss of her husband. Pour out all your suffering on paper, even cry. One letter did not help, write the next one, get advice, talk about friends, move on to general topics.

What does Orthodoxy say about this?

What to do if a loved one dies? Prayers provide relief to the tormented soul. Priests recommend going to church more often, lighting candles for the repose of the soul, and reading prayers, especially before 40 days. There is no need to let a day pass without prayer.

Ask the priest to tell you how to pray at home for the deceased, what prayers to read. Prayers will help your loved one go through the difficult path more easily before he appears before the Creator.

You should also make a sacrifice - give alms, help those in need, feed birds and homeless animals.

How to ease the pain of loss or what pain does not subside

The loss of parents, no matter how old the orphan is, is the same mental pain that does not go away with time. It’s not for nothing that they say that as long as parents are alive, even very adult children do not feel lonely. They are someone's children until old age, about whom they think, worry and pray.

Spouses who have lived a long life together are often unable to recover from the pain that the death of their other half brings them. This pain settles in the soul of the spouse remaining in this world until the end of his days. No outside attention, even from your own children, can reduce it.

Real case

The mother, feeling the approach of death, bequeathed to her daughter to read a prayer for 40 days after the funeral. Read before bed. And she made me learn the text of the prayer. You had to read it 40 times.

She did this not because she was a fanatical believer. Once upon a time, her mother did exactly the same. And she remembered that monotonous reading has a beneficial effect on the suffering soul. She knew that her daughter would have a hard time with her departure and wanted to ease her pain of loss.

After half an hour of prayer, my soul felt lighter. Elementary physical fatigue appeared and I wanted only one thing: to fall into bed and sleep. This is exactly what the dying old mother, who until the last day cared for her daughter, wanted.

What to do after the loss of a spouse

The loss of a beloved wife for many men is akin to the end of their life. He does not want to communicate with his relatives, friends, or neighbors. He wants to cry, but boys have been taught since childhood not to give in to tears. He starts to rush around, doesn’t know what to do next.

If your friend has lost his wife, don't leave him alone. Men, more than women, want outside participation. If he wants to cry, then don't hold him back. It’s good if there is a person nearby who has experienced the same grief. Many people are saved by going headlong into work.

Just don’t let someone left without a wife seek salvation in wine; convince him that his wife would not like this behavior of her beloved husband.

Relatives should remember that numbness in men can last more than 20 days and thoughts of suicide often arise. A man should not be left alone. Just be there, especially during this time and other memorable days.

When they lose their husband, many women remain faithful, rejecting any man's proposals. They believe that they will commit betrayal if they start living with another man. Before rejecting advances, think about whether it is pleasant for someone who has passed on to another world to see your suffering? Of course not!

He wants to see you happy. Losing a loved one is not the end of life. And you can make someone happy. And this is better than you poisoning the lives of others with your suffering.

How to find your soul mate

So, if you have identified the type of person you would like to be with, listened to your heart and your intuition when creating a portrait of him, cleared the space of your heart from past relationships and hurts and created space there for new love, then your job is done. You don't need to do anything else! Besides enjoying the experience of attracting your soul mate into your life. There is no need to pull the shoots every day, breaking and destroying them. You just need to relax and believe that in due time, with constant care, attention and nutrition, your plant will grow, get stronger, bloom and bear fruit. That is, you just need to learn to have fun while waiting for your soul mate, your ideal partner, to appear.

Realize now that every time you think about your ideal partner, every time you dream about him, then every time you have to choose between two different states. And every time you make a choice (consciously or unconsciously) in what state you should be - in melancholy, sadness and suffering (that there is no such person in your life now) or you can consciously choose a state of pleasure and joyful anticipation.

Only you yourself can create the emotional background of this period of your life and thus either speed up the meeting with your soul mate or, conversely, delay it. You choose with what emotions you get up, spend your day and go to sleep. You choose what you feel - despair or happiness. You choose whether to be in the flow of love or sadness. The choice is yours!

Help for the loss of loved ones

The departure of any parent is a real shock for children. Many, losing their rear, lose themselves. It is especially bitter to lose my father, who was the only breadwinner in the family. Your task is to hold on yourself and support your mother, who now needs support.

If you have offended your father in some way and therefore suffer even more, go to church, repent, order a prayer service for the repose of your soul. When you pray at home, promise your father that you will not make such mistakes with your children.

If your mother leaves, if it takes you by surprise, it is difficult to cope with the shock. How to survive this grief? The main thing is not to isolate yourself. If you want to talk about it, talk about it, the people around you will be sympathetic to your condition.

Don’t forget to support your father; together it’s easier to survive an irreparable loss. Talk to those who knew your mother and who can tell you about her. Let go of the guilt that everyone feels after the death of a loved one. Read prayers, attend church.

Perhaps the hardest blow in life is the death of a child. Mixed with grief is a feeling of guilt for not being able to protect your child. You must understand that it is useless to blame yourself, because nothing can be returned! Read the Bible, which teaches you to forgive everyone, including yourself. If the blame for the baby’s death really lies with the parents, then go to church and repent.

Visit the cemetery as little as possible. This is not indifference to the child, but the realization that we need to move on with our lives, changing the usual order.

Parents should not isolate themselves. We need to find new interests, visit interesting places, communicate with people who have experienced the same grief. A temporary change of housing will help. When the suffering subsides, you can return to the apartment and take out photographs of the child. Do not pour out bitterness on your spouse; it is easier to survive troubles together. If all else fails, you should consult a psychologist.

Some couples, wanting to ease the pain of loss, are going to have a child again. Psychologists do not advise making such a decision. The pain must subside so that the new child is not subjected to either crazy caresses or indifference from the parents. When the pain subsides and consciousness awakens, you can think about pregnancy again.

What to do if you feel guilty?

After the death of a spouse or simply a loved one, a woman often begins to be tormented by a feeling of guilt. She remembers what was not said or done while he was alive. It seems to her that she told him little about her love, that she made little effort to make him happy.

A woman, plunging into memories, relives all the joys and bad moments. She analyzes her behavior in conflict situations and believes that she behaved selfishly and unfairly. All this worry makes her blame herself for not being a good enough lover. The feeling of guilt does not allow her to cope with grief and calm down; it eats her from the inside, leaving no hope for a happy future.

Psychologists advise in such situations to write a letter to your deceased lover, in which you can voice all your sorrows and ask for forgiveness . In a letter you can talk about how you miss him, how lonely it is to wake up outside of his caring hands. It’s worth saying goodbye to him and wishing him peace and quiet.

After the letter is written, you should find a quiet and peaceful place, you can go to his grave, sit down and read the letter out loud, as if he is somewhere nearby and can hear. No matter how painful it is, it’s worth saying goodbye to him and letting him go.

How to come to terms with your grandmother's death

In many families, grandmother is the most faithful friend to her grandchildren. Therefore, after the death of the grandmother, life in the family begins to go completely differently. Grandchildren suffer, parents suffer. What to do?

1. Talk about her more often, remember her with a kind word.
2. Don’t isolate yourself, communicate with those who knew her well and could tell you a lot about her. If you want to cry, cry! Tears bring relief.
3. If you feel guilty, then go to church and repent.
4. Become the person your grandmother wanted you to be - this will be the best memory of her.
5. Continue the family traditions started by your grandmother.
6. Plant the flowers she loved. This will be a bright memory of her.