Interpersonal conflicts, their constructive resolution

The mechanism of development of interpersonal conflict

Each person in society defends his point of view and his interests, defending the rights to his own desires and positions. In addition, there are also goals that a given person strives to achieve. In the course of this, people need to contact each other, develop patterns of interaction and connections at different levels (professional, friendly, close). If an obstacle in the form of another person stands in the way of your own views, a conflict will arise.

The discrepancy between the established pattern of relationship with the individual and the fact that he becomes an obstacle to personal goals causes an analytical chain reaction in the subconscious. The degree of importance of the primary task and the strength of personal connections between these people are determined.

If personal ambitions take second place, it means that the chances of reconciling the differences that have arisen are quite high, since everyone will value the relationship. If heightened pride turns out to be stronger than the need for connection with a person, interpersonal conflict develops. It can be resolved in one of the possible ways listed below while preserving the initial relationship, or it can break all ties.

There are several specific features in the mechanism of development of conflicts in interpersonal relationships:

• An irresistible desire to prove that you are right
  . A person tries to justify his opinion both by presenting real reasons and factors, and by devaluing the arguments of his interlocutor.
• Emotional attachment
  . Conflict is accompanied by strong affective reactions that are difficult to control.
• Alternative solution negativity bias
  . The opinion that one’s own judgment is the only correct one makes one doubt the correctness of the opponent’s decision.

These standards do not allow the contradiction to be resolved in the usual way and make the situation even worse.

Situational approach.

It is characterized by a search for sources of conflict in the situation, context, and external factors. A change in the situation entails a change in the nature of intergroup relations. Means of unification - common unifying goals, the presence of a common threat, danger, problem. Within this approach, there is the “Realistic Conflict Theory”, which argues that CIM is caused by a real clash of interests of various groups. The more significant the interests and the greater the gains of the parties, the more intense the conflict. Accordingly, intra-group solidarity and a sense of identity with the group increase, and the permeability of group boundaries and deviation from norms decreases. Such patterns can be used consciously to maintain group stability.

The main causes of interpersonal conflicts

Confrontation between people reaches its climax due to completely different reasons. Moreover, in each individual situation we can name several significant factors that could provoke an interpersonal conflict:

1. Dissatisfaction with material and spiritual benefits
   . If a person lacks the necessary resources in quantitative or qualitative terms, he tries to make up for them in another way, where there is a high risk of developing interpersonal conflict.
2. Mutual interests
   . In a group where the goals of the participants converge, but the methods of achieving the task have some differences, a number of confrontations may arise. The person is unable to fulfill some of his needs in work or personal relationships. This should include conflict situations at work, problems with subordination of subordinates and mentors, family disagreements, and family quarrels.
3. Individual interests
   . Opponents have personal goals, the fulfillment of one of them excludes the other. The developing conflict raises the question of the differences that exist at the moment and requires a compromise solution.
4. Value features of the issue
   . This type of confrontation is based on dissimilar motivational approaches to the same issue due to different psychological attitudes and priorities.
5. Course of action
   . Develops due to the absence of stereotypes and manners of certain behavior in one of the opponents. This may be due to lack of experience or inability to perform the necessary actions. Often causes conflicts at work or school.
6. Communication
   . Inconsistency between the communication abilities of one person and another, non-compliance with the rules of dialogue, subordination and tact.
7. Character
   . The cause of the conflict is specific personal characteristics that the other individual dislikes.

The reasons may vary depending on the person's age.
Thus, in children and adolescents, controversial situations can be caused by factors that have no place in adult life. The puberty period is characterized by biased maximalism, a tendency to issue ultimatums and unequivocally evaluate people. Family conflicts in interpersonal relationships can be based both on ordinary everyday disagreements and on the inability to realize one’s own needs, inconsistency of values ​​and goals in life between spouses.

Working relationships often crack when carrying out orders and assigned tasks. There is also a risk of developing personal hostility among employees of the same level and management. Often disputes are based on behavioral issues, for example, a discrepancy between an employee’s actions and the reputation of a company or organization.

Types of interpersonal conflicts

The concept of interpersonal conflict represents a unique example of a combination of the characterological characteristics of each individual and the nuances of controversy. Therefore, it is difficult to identify any common points in each of the disputes. The classification allows us to divide such confrontations into three large options, which differ in motivational features:

• Values ​​disagreements
  . What is important for one person turns out to be completely unimportant for another and causes a wave of indignation and discontent. This group contains all the religious, political and philosophical differences that exist between people. Such situations do not necessarily cause conflict, but when combined with the right conditions, they can spark real confrontation. It is similar in family relationships: different personal meanings of the goals of each spouse can coexist until one of them begins to influence or undermine the spiritual values ​​of the other. This balance can be controlled by common highest ideals, which nevertheless converge. For example, one of the parents entices the child to a certain type of activity, and the second - to a completely different one. But each of them is sure of one thing: their son or daughter should do something. Common views on the problem determine priority solutions that suit both.
• Conflict of interest
  . Completely different goals and ideas about achieving them can coexist as long as they do not intersect. If the desire of one person excludes the intention of another, a conflict situation develops on this basis. This scenario often occurs in life when some resources are distributed that both parties want to receive. This group of conflicts includes any kind of emotional competition, including both benefit and personal hostility towards the opponent. For example, a struggle in the office for a promotion, a tender for a large project in a company, a competition for an increased scholarship in an educational institution.
• Violation of the rules of interaction
  . This type of interpersonal conflict is based on an unwillingness to adhere to the general rules and norms that have been established to regulate communications between the two parties. If one of them violates some of these rules, insensitive or unacceptable behavior may be interpreted as a reason for confrontation. Such disagreements can be observed at work as situations of abuse of authority or insubordination. In families, such conflicts occur due to inappropriate attitudes towards each other, which are expected under given conditions.

Intragroup conflict

The classification of “person-group” conflicts looks like this:

Here we are dealing with the destruction of intragroup connections. The traditional view has always been that CHCs are undesirable and the challenge is to eliminate them. However, such conflicts have positive opportunities. Every group contains the potential for conflict as individuals' interests intersect. The closer the groups, the more intense the conflict. Close interaction promotes an active exchange of emotions, including hostile ones, which will be suppressed, causing tension to build up. In smaller groups, conflicts will be less intense because there are more local conflicts and tension is redistributed.

In general, positive conflicts for a group will be those that do not affect the basis of the group’s existence, contributing to the reorientation of norms and relationships according to the emerging need. Flexible structures benefit from conflicts, while frozen structures are destroyed or suppress a useful signal. Conflict also reveals conflicting interests among group members, which makes it possible to reconcile them.

K. Lewin considers the most important conflict factor to be the general level of tension in the group, associated with the degree of satisfaction of needs, the amount of space for free movement (democratic or authoritarian atmosphere in the group), the presence of an external barrier and the degree of coordination of the goals of group members. The greater the tension, the higher the intragroup conflict.

The opposing sides are groups (small, middle and micro groups).

It is based on a clash of opposing group motives. The origin is explained by naturally determined hostility towards “strangers” and attachment to “our own”.

Intergroup conflict

Intergroup conflict has some specifics. Firstly, the image of a conflict situation (already always subjective) has the character of group views, opinions, and assessments. Characteristics of the typical subjective content of a conflict situation in an intergroup conflict boils down to the following phenomena:

Deindividuation of mutual perception. Members of conflicting groups perceive each other according to the “Us-Them” scheme

Inadequate social, group comparison. In group opinions, one's own group is always rated higher.

Group attribution. The positive behavior of the in-group and the negative behavior of the out-group is explained by internal reasons. And, accordingly, the negative behavior of the in-group and the positive behavior of the out-group are explained by external circumstances.

Aggression. In intergroup conflicts, an individual tends to behave more aggressively than in the case when he is required to make an individual decision. The reasons lie in the so-called crowd effect, which, on the one hand, ensures the “contagiousness of aggression”, and on the other hand, significantly reduces the sense of personal responsibility for what is happening. There is always a leader in the group, to whom, according to the rank and file, energy will be directed in case of punishment. Therefore, responsibility for one’s behavior is noticeably reduced. In addition, aggressive manifestations in a group provide a sense of anonymity, which also reduces the sense of personal responsibility. And finally, aggressive behavior in a group of people behaving in the same aggressive manner is perceived as social approval and support.

Let us consider intergroup conflicts from the perspective of motivational, situational and cognitive approaches.

How to behave during interpersonal conflict

To resolve an interpersonal conflict, it is necessary to remember that in a dispute the truth is not born, but the true face of the participant in the disagreement is revealed.
How your opponent and others see you during a given disagreement can have significant consequences in the future. A distinctive feature of a well-mannered and intelligent person is the ability to keep himself and his emotions in check while clarifying discrepancies. Behavior during interpersonal conflict should not descend to such a level that it does not correspond to self-image. It is necessary to act so that the spoken words and promises do not cause further shame, regret or any other unpleasant sensations. Every word in a dispute should be thought through to the smallest detail.

If you adhere to the basic rules of such behavior, the conflict has every chance of a quick and effective resolution:

1. Respect for your opponent
   . Be that as it may, in most cases a person leads a confrontation with someone whom he knows well or often interacts with. Interpersonal conflicts with strangers also happen, but not as often as with loved ones, acquaintances, and colleagues. The likelihood of further connections or contacts with your opponent is huge. Therefore, in order to avoid further awkwardness, apologies and discomfort in communicating with this person, you should not treat him in an insulting or humiliating manner.
2. Emotional restraint
   . There is a tendency that conflict situations without affective load are resolved faster and do not leave an unpleasant aftertaste. Moreover, there is a possibility of maintaining a minimally positive relationship with the other side of the confrontation. In important disputes, switching to the emotional side with the identification of personal hostility towards a person is considered a sign of tactlessness, bad manners and bad taste. Moreover, such an attitude will not at all raise a person’s reputation among friends and relatives.
3. Direction to solve the problem
   . Often in conflict situations, people forget why they started an argument. By turning to personal insults and humiliations, the essence of the feud remains unresolved or untouched. All attention, rage or enthusiasm should be used in developing optimal schemes for resolving this disagreement, methods for establishing a mutually satisfactory compromise.

In any conflict, you should behave the way you would like your opponent to behave. In this way, you can achieve culture and mutual understanding with loved ones, friends and acquaintances.

Motivational approach.

Views the behavior of a group and its attitude towards other groups as a reflection of its internal problems. Freud argued that the aggressive behavior of a group is the main means of maintaining cohesion and stability within it. Another explanation is related to the concept of relative deprivation. Relative deprivation is an assessment of the situation of one’s group as worse compared to other groups (fewer opportunities, infringement of rights, low social status), which leads to a feeling of injustice and dissatisfaction. The conflict is going on under the slogan of restoring justice.

Ways to resolve interpersonal conflicts

Subconsciously, a person himself tries to resolve any disagreements using methods that he considers the most convenient and simple. Sometimes, even without active intervention in the confrontation, it can resolve on its own. This does not always happen, but it is usually resolved in one of 4 ways:

• Smoothing sharp corners
  . This is a kind of imaginary way out of the current situation, which in fact does not get rid of the cause of the conflict, but only erases its main manifestations. In fact, dissatisfaction with these circumstances transforms into internal anger and resentment, and external active manifestations subside for a while. There remains a huge possibility that the subsided dispute may resume with much greater force after a while. Smoothing is achieved through ordinary reconciliation due to various factors or temporary benefits.
• Compromise solution
  . Partial acceptance of the opponent’s terms by all parties to the conflict can weaken his strength for some time. Although minor differences will still remain, they will not be at a sufficient level to resume confrontation. There is a great possibility of its development over a certain period of time.
• Adoption
  . Attention is focused on both points of view, and all comments, additions and claims to each other are accepted. This type of interaction after an interpersonal conflict is observed infrequently, but still has the right to exist as the most optimal scenario for the development of events. It is extremely rare that people can fully accept each other’s point of view, integrate it with their own and come to a mutually beneficial solution.
• Dominance
  . One side fully and completely admits that it is wrong and that the opponent’s point of view, idea or proposal is superior. This often happens in work environments where subordination forces staff to fully agree with what management puts forward. A peculiar scheme of subordination does not always work for choleric or hysterical individuals. Such people will never allow their opinions and results to be ignored.

In addition to these methods, there are many special recommendations that will help resolve interpersonal conflict as soon as possible. If you adhere to these rules, after a disagreement you usually do not experience any unpleasant feelings or discomfort from communicating with your former opponent:

1. The presence of a conflict situation must always be recognized
   . This is an integral part of the process itself that must be resolved. If you resist and do not accept dissonance in a relationship for what it is, hidden negative feelings can persist for a very long time and gradually poison your life.
2. Creating an opportunity to clarify the current situation
   . Discussion and debate are essential for proper resolution of interpersonal conflict. It is necessary on both sides to provide conditions under which it will be possible to understand the causes and essence of the problem.
3. Determining specific reasons for disagreement
   . To avoid moving to the emotional level and personal claims, you need to clearly define the range of interests in this conflict. Often this way you can understand that the problem is not that big.
4. Options for the outcome of the situation
   . There must be several of these to give you the opportunity to choose the optimal one. They need to be developed taking into account the interests of each party.
5. Selecting an agreed solution and turning it into reality
   . The joint practical application of the measures that have been agreed upon leads to reconciliation and attempts to establish personal contact.

Any of the proposed methods for resolving interpersonal conflict may be ineffective if, during an emotional upsurge, a person does not understand the importance of reconciliation. Usually this passes over time, and people themselves look for ways to return to their previous relationships.

Prevention of interpersonal conflicts

The best medicine is prevention.
It is much easier to prevent the development of unwanted discord than to search for ways to resolve it later. This way you can maintain trusting relationships with friends, relatives, acquaintances and even at work. Your reputation will remain impeccable if you know how to prevent interpersonal conflicts. The main points in preventing the formation of disagreements lie in the behavior, gestures and tact of both parties. If you follow a few rules, you can significantly reduce the risk of violent conflicts with other people:

• You should pay attention to your opponent, you must behave politely and tactfully with him.
• Tolerance will help you avoid violent reactions from the other person.
• Trust and openness should be shown by maintaining eye contact; there is no need to avoid looking in any case.
• Provide an opportunity for the interlocutor to explain his point of view and justify his opinion.
• Try to understand your opponent or mentally put yourself in his place.
• Tactfully admit your mistake, if any.
• Express vague feelings that indicate your doubts about your correctness regarding the present conversation.
• Carefully explain those points where your opponent’s opinion can be criticized.
• A positive attitude towards resolving the situation, rather than arguing that you are right.

Important! Any conflict should be resolved without a raised voice, and personal insults should not be allowed.

How to resolve interpersonal conflict - watch the video:

[media=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zkpxwTAs4qg]
For mutually beneficial and productive relationships with colleagues at work, at home with family or loved ones, you should know how to resolve the interpersonal conflict that will inevitably arise in everyone’s life. To do this, you need to be able to behave correctly in order to avoid unwanted actions and extremely unpleasant consequences.