It is believed that women are more attached to their family than men, and that it is women who tend to forgive a lot in the name of preserving the family and relationships. But in reality, it happens that the wife wants to leave, despite the years spent together, the children, the shared life.
She announces that she is leaving, and life stops, the world around her collapses. The husband remains among the ruins and does not know what to do, let his wife go or fight for her. What should I do if she has announced her decision and is packing her things, or if she has already left?
Let go... And then how to live? How to live on your own where you lived with her for more than one year? How to have breakfast and dinner alone when you're used to being with her? What to do if the wife left with the child, and the husband and father were left alone with wallpaper painted by the hand of their son or daughter and the smell of the top of a child’s head on their shirt?
There is no need to cut off your wife’s phone, write messages to her begging her to return or threaten to harm herself or her wife. It's incredibly annoying and off-putting.
There is also no need to inform parents on either side, friends, neighbors, relatives about her departure and ask them to influence the wife’s decision. If she deems it necessary, she will inform them herself. And a request to solve family problems coming from an adult man is naive, ridiculous and absurd.
And in no case should you turn her children against the mother. It's women who don't forgive. And children, by the way, almost always take the mother’s position, so the father’s words will only turn the children against him.
All these actions will deepen the gap between spouses.
The wife is going nowhere
Such decisions are made spontaneously. Last night or even this morning she was not going anywhere, she behaved as usual. It seemed like they weren’t even arguing. And just a few hours later, she picks up her things and leaves, or even just runs away without her things.
The reasons for such a demarche can be very different:
- a quarrel with her husband, and not necessarily recent, perhaps this quarrel was last week or even last month, the wife just accumulated negative emotions and overwhelmed her;
- quarrel with in-laws; Often this is the sin of the husband's mothers and sisters - mother-in-law and sister-in-law, who do not hesitate to emphasize the real and imaginary merits of their son and brother and the insignificance of his chosen one;
- husband's suspicions of cheating.
If this is exactly the situation, then the family is in virtually no danger. The wife may spend the night with her parents, friend or neighbor, cool down, cry, sort out her grievances and come to the conclusion that she acted recklessly. She will miss her husband and family life, and will decide to return. In this case, the husband has the task of analyzing the reasons for his wife’s departure and taking measures to eliminate such reasons.
If the cause was a personal quarrel, then it is necessary to discuss the reason for this quarrel and find a way to neutralize it.
If the reason was a quarrel between the wife and her husband’s relatives, then it is necessary to set priorities once and for all. A married man's family is his wife and his children. Neither mother, nor father, nor sisters and brothers should interfere in his family life. Sometimes a man is required to take a firm position and remove his relatives from interfering in his relationship with his wife. If a man is not ready for this, he needs not a wife, but a mother. In such a situation, the best solution would be divorce. It will be difficult for the wife at first, but it will free her from the oppression of her husband’s relatives.
If the reason for the wife’s immediate departure is her suspicions about her husband’s infidelity, then he should convince his wife of his fidelity. Even if a relationship with a stranger took place, admitting to it is paving the way to divorce.
You should not subsequently reproach your wife for her actions. She then left in strong emotions, which was partly the fault of her husband himself. You also need to admit your mistakes where only a woman’s mistakes are obvious to most.
How to restore faith in your husband
If a wife stops loving her husband , it means that for a long time she did not feel desired and loved by her husband. The process of cooling feelings is gradual, and accordingly, returning feelings will also require time and effort from you. Men think that they can make amends and win back a woman's love with gifts. And the first thing they start doing is giving flowers and buying jewelry. How to return your wife's love if she does not accept gifts? Understand, men, it is a myth that a wife stopped loving her husband only because the man has not given flowers for a long time. Some women do not like flowers at all and are allergic to them.
If you want to understand how to return your wife's love , study feminine nature. A woman very quickly becomes emotionally attached to a man and it is positive emotions that a woman expects. If you remember the time when you were just courting your beloved, you will remember that the important manifestations of love were tenderness in words, the absence of rudeness, and gentle treatment of a woman like a flower. It is this tenderness that women pay attention to. As long as people don't call each other names during quarrels.
The wife prepared an “escape route”
If a wife wants to go to a pre-prepared place, then getting her back is almost impossible. She has already decided everything.
This means that the woman had been preparing for more than one day to leave her family. Every step was difficult for her, but she still decided.
Moreover, she first prepared mentally, since almost every woman always finds it difficult to leave her usual place of residence, to leave her husband whom she loved and cared for. But if she goes for it, then her decision is firm and balanced, and the reasons for the decision are very, very serious and significant.
In this case, the wife must be released. Nothing will help, neither requests nor arguments. No thunderstorms, no gifts, no whole army of friends and family in the support group.
She will leave, settle in a new place, and perhaps begin divorce proceedings. Emotions will subside and the woman will be ready for a constructive conversation.
During this time, a man can get to know his wife again. He also had time to think about the current situation, understand whether he wanted his wife back, and think about ways to approach her.
You need to understand that parting changes a person, and a woman who has outwardly remained virtually unchanged is now different in soul and heart.
If during this time a woman has not created a new family or at least entered into a new relationship, her abandoned husband has a chance of reunification.
If a woman is in a new relationship and is happy in it, then the likelihood of her returning to her ex-husband tends to zero.
The wife stopped loving her husband - what to do?
Has the wife stopped loving her husband or has she simply lied all these years about loving her? Was she comfortable in this relationship?
Even after everything is destroyed, some men choose to blame the woman for the situation. Of course, it's easier to think this way. If a wife stops loving her husband , it means there is someone else in her life. Or perhaps there was no love. What if the wife stopped loving her husband because he behaved unworthily? How to get your wife's love back today after everything that happened.
Wife leaves for someone else
If a wife wants to leave for someone else, then usually the man backs down. A picture of adultery is drawn in his imagination, and he is overwhelmed by feelings of jealousy, annoyance, and hatred.
Stalking your wife and trying to get her new boyfriend to “talk” with you usually does not lead to anything good. After a series of showdowns, scandals and fights, the wife will finally be convinced that she did the right thing by leaving the family.
If a wife announces that she is leaving for another man, this can mean one of two things:
- or she really found another man for herself and is leaving for him,
- or she says this to her husband on purpose, realizing that she will push him away and force him to accept her decision to separate.
In the first case, a man needs to understand that even if he loves his wife very much and returns her to the family, it will be very difficult for him to live with the thought of her relationship with another. Such families almost always break up a second time, because women, voluntarily or unwittingly, compare their husbands with their lovers, and the comparison is not always in favor of the first, and husbands go crazy with jealousy and suspicion, believing that they left for another once, so that it prevents them from leaving again and again. again to another man?
In the second case, the chances of getting your wife back are high. After all, such a lie shows that she is not indifferent to the man; by telling him about an imaginary lover, the wife wants to hurt him or make him jealous. This is the clearest example of that very female logic about which many anecdotes are written. With this behavior she tries to “hit” her husband and tie him to her. By leaving, she tries to strengthen her marriage.
Usually this is done by young or immature psychologically and emotionally women who perceive marriage as a game or a sports competition.
It is difficult to live with them, but many men are attracted to the inconstancy and unpredictability of their wives. They say about such people that they never thought of divorcing them, but they wanted to strangle them every day.
What do psychologists advise you to do when preparing for a conversation?
It is important to properly prepare yourself before the conversation; this will be much easier if you take note of the following rules:
- First, think about your decision, whether it was made from a rational point of view or based on emotions. In any case, your statement will shock your spouse, so you should be as confident as possible in your decision. Now your task is to choose the right words so as not to morally destroy your wife. Remember that her self-esteem should not suffer and lead the woman to deep depression. We want to leave peacefully, right?
- If you know very well the character of your spouse and can assume that in a fit of anger she may behave unbalanced, then you need to prepare copies of the documents needed for divorce. If your young lady destroys the originals in a fit of anger, it will not be easy to restore them, and the divorce will drag on indefinitely.
- Report your decision in a quiet place, preferably at home, so that strangers do not witness the quarrel.
- You should also not talk about the desire to divorce in the morning or before work, especially if you know that a difficult day awaits your wife. Psychologists believe that sleepy women may react inadequately to negative information, and it’s not entirely right for you to ruin a person’s new day.
- During the conversation, do not focus on the negative aspects of your relationship. Try to communicate in a gentle manner that you do not feel the same feelings as before. If you find it difficult to find the right words, psychologists advise telling your wife about the divorce in a letter, but you don’t need to act like a coward, leave it on the table and quietly walk away - an absolutely useless option. It’s better to look into your wife’s eyes, hand her a note and wait for her to read it in your presence.
- You must be confident in your decision. Words like “probably”, “maybe”, “I think it will be better” will not smooth out the situation, do not give false hopes. Say directly: “I am sure I want a divorce and have already filed for divorce.” Do not go back on your words, even if you hear requests for a second chance, otherwise this rigmarole may last forever.
Your task is not to part as enemies, but also not to give non-existent hopes to your spouse.
Is it possible to revive attraction?
If feelings for your husband fade, it is possible to bring passion back if both partners are committed to this goal. But it requires both honesty and a willingness to work before it's too late.
Another important factor: was there mutual attraction between you from the very beginning? If this is not the case, it is often much more difficult to develop these feelings in the future. There are cases where there was no attraction from the very beginning, and the relationship began for other reasons, such as the need for security, affection or feelings of loneliness. Once these needs change or shift, the person may not feel any desire to be with her husband.
There is a difference between a normal decrease in desire and a situation where feelings for your husband fade away to the point of complete indifference. Small fluctuations are normal, but a sudden, drastic shift may be more concerning.
Set your priorities
If you can't remember the last time you had a date, went out to dinner, danced at a concert, watched a movie, or just did something fun together, it's no wonder your relationship with your husband has cooled.
The most common thing that happens to couples who lose attraction to each other is that their relationship becomes too comfortable or too tense.
To regain interest:
- It is important that you find time to socialize every evening. Putting household chores aside for a while, holding hands, hugging or talking can work wonders.
- Make time for intimacy. Find time each day to spend alone together, without any distractions.
Main reasons
Here are some of the most common reasons for indifference towards a husband or wife.
Got bored with each other
Stability and security are important parts of a healthy long-term relationship, but too much comfort can make a partnership predictable and boring. All people are programmed to want novelty. Feeling too familiar with your husband can negatively affect your attraction to him.
There is an unresolved grudge
Conflicts in relationships, whether over money, infidelity, sex, parenting advice, family drama, or unequal distribution of household responsibilities, can all breed resentment. This makes you feel distant or angry and leads to decreased attractiveness.
No romance
It’s very easy to switch to “gray everyday life” mode and stay there, rarely looking back at each other. Instead of kissing each other and greeting each other after work, couples devote all their energy to coordinating chores on the list of household chores: cooking dinner, doing homework with the children, walking the dog, cleaning, or something else. Wash, rinse, repeat.
This is one of the reasons that a wife may grow cold towards her husband. We consider it obvious that if a partner liked us once, the same thing will always happen. Unconsciously, people may get stuck in their everyday roles, such as parent, boss, or caregiver, and structure interactions with their spouse in similar ways. In the long term, this can change the image in the eyes of a partner and reduce his attractiveness.
Not taking care of yourself enough
When a couple has a lot on their plate (and who doesn't?) finding time for self-care can be a challenge. The effort once put into looking and feeling good has now fallen by the wayside. This can affect how you feel and also how your partner perceives you.
Self-care is not just about aesthetics, but also about being healthy, feeling confident, improving your mood and having the energy to enjoy life.
Many may consider this vanity, but in order for a wife not to lose interest in her husband, she needs to do everything possible to look and feel better. This includes eating healthy, resting, exercising, and working on our attitude.
