Shouting, insults and humiliation in families and groups are components of violence that cripples the psyche and lives of people. As a rule, the reasons are in unhealed childhood traumas that each of us has. They motivate some to self-knowledge, while for others they become a heavy burden. Unfortunately, there are more of the latter... Psychotherapist Elena Naumenko analyzes the causes of psychological violence and talks about methods for correcting such behavior.
Psychological violence is a component of all types of violence, including physical and sexual. This is personal humiliation. Moreover, we are talking not only about the humiliation of the person himself, but also about the humiliation of someone in his presence. There is such a concept as “Spanish shame”: a person experiences a feeling of shame because of the behavior of another person or other people. Unfortunately, this point is not taken into account both in communication with children in kindergartens and schools, and in communication between adults in the work environment. And in most cases, parents do not take this point into account: a child experiences psychological violence when he witnesses the unworthy behavior of other people.
But if adults can somehow cope with the situation of psychological violence - on their own or with the help of other people - then for the child’s psyche this turns into trauma. How can a child resist humiliation? The way he knows how! And he only knows what he sees around him - he either becomes a rapist himself, or turns into a victim.
Yelling at a child is violence. Comparing him with others is violence. Criticizing in front of someone is also violence. There is a good rule that both parents and teachers should remember: “Approve and praise in front of everyone, but criticize and make comments only in private.”
Child abuse concept
Child abuse is the deliberate infliction of harm to physical or mental health caused by the actions of adults that are committed against the will of a minor. This harm is dangerous, first of all, due to its far-reaching consequences, including:
- Causing physical and mental injury to a child;
- Formation of phobias and other mental disorders in a child;
- Children running away from home, boarding schools and orphanages;
- Aggressive behavior of teenagers and schoolchildren towards peers and younger friends (in this case, violent teenagers just copy adults).
For your information. Statistics say that every third child in Russia has at least once been a victim of the arbitrariness of adults. This is a fairly large number that gives rise to serious concerns.
Reasons for parental aggression
Domestic violence - what is it?
Child violence in the family has different causes. Typically, representatives of the older generation become aggressive because:
- The child was initially unnecessary and unwanted in the family;
- Adults suffer from frustration caused by material difficulties or emotional problems;
- Parents cannot come to terms with any physical or mental characteristics of the child (they beat him for being “not like everyone else”);
- The father or mother drinks heavily and, being in this state, commits illegal actions towards their own children.
The last option is the most dangerous, since in this case the child risks not only suffering from beatings and humiliation, but also becoming addicted to alcohol, following the example of his elders.
Parents who abuse alcohol are more likely to demonstrate aggressive behavior
Essence and reasons
For a minor, the first social institution is considered to be the family. The child should feel safe among relatives. However, there are situations when the baby ceases to feel safe and begins to be afraid of household members and the home environment in general.
Violence is a forceful or psychological impact of negative content. Weak people or children are susceptible to this influence. But violent actions can manifest themselves in inaction. If there are no protective actions on the part of adults regarding the safety of the child, this can be regarded as an indirect threat.
Reasons for an abusive relationship:
- The established behavior of adults based on the experience of raising a previous child.
- Low social level of family development. Unstable economic situation, social factors, unemployment.
- Dissatisfaction with the lives of adults. Low self-esteem.
- Psychological illnesses of parents.
- An unwanted child.
- Children's fears of parents that shaped their parenting style.
- Achieving power over the child by any means. Principled attitude.
It is necessary to understand that psychological impact in the family arises due to mental problems of the parents. Because of this, work to correct the situation must begin with adults and their children's problems, unresolved conflicts, and fears.
Signs of child abuse
Psychological violence - what is it?
There are several signs of child abuse. A psychologist can conclude that a schoolchild (preschooler) is being bullied at home if he:
- He often comes to school or kindergarten with bruises and signs of beatings on his face (body) and stubbornly refuses to answer the question of who did it;
- He himself shows aggression and violence towards younger comrades (animals) and considers such behavior to be the norm;
- He is distinguished by his isolation and gloominess, is not friends with anyone and never invites classmates to his home;
- He is brought up in a drinking family and often misses school without explanation or medical certificates.
The presence of at least one of these signs is a reason to raise the alarm.
Prevention
Prevention of violent acts is achieved through methods of informing the population. These include conversations held with students in educational institutions (kindergartens, schools), consultations, and meetings at parents’ workplaces. Preventive measures include activities organized by local authorities to achieve well-being in families.
Psychological negative pressure is observed in most families. Most often, these are unintentional actions of adults that have a detrimental effect on the child’s self-esteem. To cope with this problem, you need to analyze the overall situation and think about what to say to the baby.
Types of violence against children in the family
Perverted narcissism - what is it?
Domestic violence against children is a common occurrence in Russia, especially in dysfunctional families. There are several types of parental arbitrariness:
- Psychological (emotional) violence;
- Physical;
- Sexual as a variation of the previous type;
- Adults neglect their responsibilities towards the younger generation.
All four varieties are dangerous and can cause great harm to the development of a preschooler (schoolchild, teenager).
Emotional or psychological
Moral humiliation of children is not uncommon even in prosperous and wealthy families. Parents can constantly mock their child, ridiculing his appearance, habits, and mental abilities. A schoolchild may be constantly told that he is a worthless creature who is not capable of anything. Sometimes adults deliberately scare and bully children or (in large families) set brothers and sisters against each other. All this can be attributed to emotional (psychological) negative effects.
Emotional abuse can include intimidating, bullying, and ridiculing a child.
Physical
Physical punishment is a type of violence. Fathers especially often demonstrate this behavior, but mothers who use spanking as the main method of education can also be found. Physical violence is dangerous because children who suffer from it grow up to be cowardly, deceitful, cruel, and distrustful. Usually they are embittered towards the whole world and resemble little wolf cubs.
Sexual
Child abuse can be sexual. Perhaps this is the most terrible type of tyranny of adults. To prevent a child from becoming a victim of a sexual predator, the main task of parents is to teach him the basic rules of safe behavior on the street, at home and in public places (in particular, not to engage in conversations with strangers).
Attention! In families where the mother entered into a second or subsequent marriage, there are often cases of sexual harassment by the stepfather towards the stepdaughter (rape or attempts thereof). Therefore, educators and class teachers are recommended to place such families under special control.
Disdainful attitude
Unfortunately, not all fathers and mothers know that refusal to create appropriate conditions for a child to live, study, and education is also violence, expressed in neglect of one’s parental responsibilities. Also included in this type of arbitrariness is failure to provide the child with timely medical care and refusal of scheduled medical examinations in the clinic.
Attention! According to an article of the Criminal Code of Russia (Criminal Code of the Russian Federation), for the inaction of a father or mother if the health or life of a son (daughter) is in danger, criminal liability arises in the same way as for negligent actions. Every parent should know about this.
Children are victims of violence: reasons
The main and only reason for violence is that people do not have knowledge about their psyche. They do not understand the reasons for their conditions and the reasons for the conditions of other people, their children.
All people perceive the world around them, other people and current events - depending on their own mental properties: innate talents and abilities, degree of development and realization, the presence of delays in psychosexual development, psychotrauma and other things. Everyone compares their child with themselves - trying to raise him, guided by personal value systems, desires, ideas about good and evil.
This is where the origins of child abuse and the causes of violence against children lie. Since the capabilities of the psyche and body of parents may completely differ from the capabilities of the psyche and body of children.
The psyche is not transmitted genetically. Children may differ in their mental properties from their parents. Without knowing this, the mother begins to demand from the children what she perceives as correct from her point of view. And dad - in accordance with his perception. Then everyone breaks the children’s psyche to suit their own vision of “correct behavior,” and the child becomes another victim of domestic violence.
There are eight vectors of the psyche, found in people in different combinations. The properties of all eight vectors are different and do not intersect with each other. If parents do not know how to recognize the peculiarities of the properties of their psyche and the psyche of their children, problems arise in relationships, which, subsequently, can manifest themselves in “inappropriate behavior” of children or parents.
Sadists and rapists - where do they appear in society?
All people strive to find pleasure in life. From joy in couple relationships, from their achievements in professional activities. But due to unfavorable developmental conditions in childhood, some people’s psycho-emotional development stops, and a person does not receive pleasure from the realization of his natural properties. This causes unbearable suffering, which he is trying to get rid of.
Relieves tension on those nearby, causing mental and physical suffering to the people around them. At the same time, he may sincerely believe that he is not guilty of anything, he was just “pushed.”
There are people by nature with an excellent memory and an analytical type of thinking. In developed and realized states, they are the best husbands and wives, the best mothers and fathers, the most faithful and devoted family men. The best assessment of work for them is respect, honor, and praise. They love cleanliness and order in everything - both in relationships and at home. Attentive to the smallest details, professionals and experts in their field. These are people born with the so-called anal vector.
What turns the best family men and professionals into sadists and rapists?
This transformation is often carried out by parents. Parents who have a completely different psyche, opposite in their properties, are the owners of the skin vector. Passionate about their career and making money, they want to see their child as fast and nimble. So that he gets dressed quickly, quickly runs to the kindergarten, and does not sit in the toilet for a long time.
He is urged on, hurried, and his concentrated, enthusiastic pursuits of his favorite crafts or collections are interrupted. They interrupt his speech and do not allow him to complete the work he has started. They do not allow him to calmly and enjoyably complete the process of “thoroughly cleansing until clean” in the toilet. They do not understand the importance of praise for achievements and showing respect for what the child is interested in.
These are not their values at all. Their main criterion in life is benefit. They force a child with an anal vector to live in a rhythm to which he is not adapted by nature. His body and metabolism are not adapted. His psyche is not adapted.
So, unnoticed by themselves and those around them, such parents raise their children to be unhappy, insolvent people. The developmental delays that arise under these conditions can lead future adults to frustrations leading to sadism and pedophilia.
Such parents do not allow the natural innate properties of their children to develop, which is why they stop developing and begin to receive satisfaction not from the pure, but from the dirty, devaluing the actions and lives of other people, “staining mud” on everyone and everything. And instead of the best father and husband in the world, a person grows up to be a sadist, releasing his tension on those closest to him - his wife and children.
Sadists and rapists - who are they?
Many shudder when reading statistics on the number of women beaten to death by their husbands and cohabitants, and the number of children mutilated by their parents. All these statistics are provided by those same grown up girls and boys with the anal vector, who were not given the opportunity in childhood to develop and express their innate properties.
In society they can be considered good specialists and neighbors. They have friends. And in the family they may not show aggressiveness for some time. Until tension from social or sexual unfulfillment accumulates or any stressful situation occurs.
It usually begins with verbal sadism - from words, remarks, anecdotes, jokes, the wife and children feel psychological discomfort - “as if they had been rolled in the mud,” devalued, insulted. Sometimes you may not say bad words at first, but the meaning of what was said and the feelings among family members will be the same.
It is important to know that sadism is always “upward”; it does not go away with persuasion or good behavior of the wife and children. After all, the cause of tension is in the sadist himself, and not in the people around him. Frustrations accumulate. The conversations will become more and more rude over time until they turn into beatings. One day, a sadist may beat his victim to death - a child or wife.
It is not necessary to exclude situations where a mother can kill her child. After all, the manifestation of mental trauma cannot be controlled by consciousness or other restrictions. Therefore, the child must be equally protected from both sadistic men and sadistic women.
You need to know that with developmental disorders in childhood and accumulated sexual frustrations, men with the anal vector are capable of sexual harassment and crimes. Children, teenage girls, and teenage boys can become their victims. Even a natural or adopted child can be a victim of a sexual crime.
If one of the parents is a sadist in the family, children with any vector set will be psychologically traumatized, have delays or arrested development, and will grow up without a sense of security and safety. This means that all these children will not be able to develop their innate talents, they will not be able to find their own business that will fill their lives with joy.
A child with a skin vector in such conditions may begin to steal in order to restore his psychological comfort. The main thing is not to punish him for this and not to send him for correction to special institutions for re-education from theft, so that he does not become a victim of the incompetence of adults. As soon as he regains the feeling of security and safety that his mother provides, the desire to steal will pass.
Until the child grows up, stealing is his defensive reaction, an attempt to preserve himself by fulfilling the “adult role” of a breadwinner in such a primitive, archetypal way. Constant domestic violence stops the development of a child with a skin vector, leaving him forever in a state of archetype.
Consequences of physical punishment
A preschooler or preschooler who is often physically punished ceases to understand reasonable arguments. It is impossible to come to an agreement with such a child; he understands only force and considers as authority only those who can hit. It is because of these consequences that child psychology experts categorically prohibit the use of a belt as punishment.
Physical punishment brings mental suffering
Children who are often beaten usually grow up either cruel (and then beat their children themselves) or intimidated, easily succumbing to the influence of others for fear of reprisals. Both development options are deviations from the norm. Also, constant physical punishment can lead to periodic bursts of unmotivated aggression at home, school, and kindergarten. This psychological factor should not be overlooked.
In no case should one show indifference if a nearby child or teenager suffers from arbitrariness on the part of adults. We must do everything possible to ensure that the situation does not happen again. In this case, it is necessary to have a serious conversation with his parents (relatives), explaining the unacceptability of violence and the possible risks that arise from such behavior. If the conversation is unsuccessful, the duty of a concerned citizen is to contact the guardianship authorities. Representatives of the authorities will visit the dysfunctional family and explain to the parents what rights their child has.
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