Consultation for parents “Social feelings: the art of living in society”

Social feelings

Consultation for parents “Social feelings: the art of living in society”

Irina Barsukova

Consultation for parents “Social feelings: the art of living in society”

Every parent traditionally pays attention to the development of the child’s mental abilities and tries, first of all, to introduce him to various objects of the surrounding world. When going for a walk with the baby, the mother tries to show and tell the child about trees, birds, and various insects. At home, looking at books, reading fairy tales with beautiful illustrations, he draws attention to fairy-tale characters. Some parents try to teach their child to count to ten as early as three years old, and also introduce them to letters.

The baby learns the rules of behavior by observing the adults around him at home. Parents and older brothers and sisters are the main source for the formation of socially conditioned feelings .

A small child strives with all his might to achieve harmony between his inner world and the outer world.

Building relationships is not an easy task for a child. Learning how to communicate with people begins with mastering external forms of expressing their desires and aspirations. We are talking not so much about actions, but about emotions, the manifestations of which the child observes from the first days of life. First, these are the mother’s emotions towards the baby. A little later, the child is faced with the manifestation of emotions of other adults - both in relation to himself and in relation to each other. Both influence the formation of social feelings

So what are “ social feelings ”

?

Social feelings are not given from birth , they need to be formed from the age of two or three. It is at this age that the formation of self-confidence, pride, shame, conscience, and love for loved ones begins. With the growth of self-awareness, the child is able to experience a sense of duty and responsibility.

How are social emotions ?

Unlike adults, a child has not yet learned to analyze the reasons for his failures - his life experience is too small. However, a four-year-old child is already able to think about why, for example, dad is angry with him, and mom refused to buy ice cream. The conclusions that the baby draws are significantly different from those expected by adults. The child’s logic can lead to the conclusion: “They don’t love me.”

,
“No one needs me,”
etc. Experiencing experiences, the child improves his, still primitive, attempts at self-analysis.
Therefore, parents should not be upset that the child is offended or crying.
He does not yet know how to direct his negative emotion to search for the reasons that led to unsuccessful behavior. When the child learns this, crying and whims will gradually disappear. “The more love a child received in childhood, or rather, the better the parents made him understand that they love him, the more adequate ways they showed their love for the child (it is very important to talk about your love to a child, but this is not enough, the more It will be easier for the child later in life and the more he will achieve.”

R. Campbell

Let's look at the aspects of forming a culture of emotions.

1. Negative emotions. With each manifestation of negative emotions, you should work with your child to figure out why his expectations did not coincide with the result. This must be done tactfully, without in any way infringing on the dignity of the child. An adult and a child are partners who are looking for options to overcome a conflict situation. There are at least two ways out of this situation: leave everything as it is, explaining the reasons for the impossibility of changing the situation, or make changes to the usual settings.

Example:

“Vanya hoped that his mother, as always, would come to pick him up from kindergarten and they would go to the park together. But the grandmother came to pick up the boy and said that his mother was busy and would have to go home straight away. Vanya was very upset, and tears appeared in his eyes. The grandmother, noticing them, thought that her grandson did not want to communicate with her. She began to hurry him up, raising her voice. The boy completely burst into tears.

In the above example, the child’s attitude is “my mother should pick me up”

did not coincide with the real situation. The child is still too young to explain the reason for his grief. In this case, the grandmother should have had a different conversation with her grandson: “Vanya, are you waiting for your mother? Mom, unfortunately, is very busy today; she was given an urgent task at work. She was very upset that she couldn’t go to the park with you today. You will definitely go there tomorrow. Now let’s get ready, go home and wait for mom together. Do you agree?"

By using this or a similar form of communication with a child, an adult can prevent the manifestation of a negative emotion in advance and smooth out its manifestation.

As the child grows up, he should be taught methods of independently searching for reasons why not all of his desires can be fully realized. It is necessary to gradually develop the ability to calmly perceive those situations when you have to temporarily give up even the usual long-awaited pleasures. This is how a person’s ability to control his negative emotions is established in early childhood.

2. Positive emotions. Positive emotions arise when the result exceeds our expectations, that is, life presents some kind of surprise. For example, a child has long dreamed of a gift. But the gift promised by the parents turned out to be better than imagined. Such a pleasant discrepancy between reality and the child’s attitude causes great joy.

It seems that no special education of such emotions is required, because it is so natural to express delight. However, in this case there are some rules. A child who has not been taught ways to show joy and delight may show his joy so strongly that ultimately his actions will be negatively assessed by others.

Note that the power of positive emotions can be quite strong and such emotions also require release. Due to the peculiarities of his development, the child cannot yet independently direct them in a different direction. How to be? Perhaps parents should support their child’s desire to share their joy? After all, it’s always nice to see how the baby is cheerful, smiling and feeling very pleased. But, most likely, the mechanism for directing positive emotions should be the same as for negative ones. That is, having allowed the child to express his joy, it is necessary to talk again about what caused it: “Did you really like the gift? I'm very happy!"

.
Then switch your attention to another activity, that is, direct the energy in a different direction: “Now let’s try to
arrange the toys... ” Once your child understands that you share his
feelings and understand them, he may well occupy himself independently.
Over time, the child will learn to control his emotions, but for now he needs help with this. 3. The appropriateness of the expression of feelings . A small child is self-centered. Therefore, while vigorously expressing his delight, he does not pay attention to the poor health or mood of those around him, believing that everyone around him should feel the same as he does. However, at the age of three to five years, the child develops empathy - the ability to empathize. If in a family parents always treat each other with sensitivity, the child adopts this way of relating to people. True, the ability to empathize does not come by itself. “Grandma is sick, so we’ll try to be quieter today.”

, or:
“Dad had a hard day, let’s not disturb him
.
The child is able to understand, if not the meaning, then the need for a respectful attitude towards the emotions and feelings of others .
Even if your child is not immediately able to express his emotions, taking into account the nature of the situation, however, with the appropriate educational work of adults, their ability to understand the needs and desires of the child, already at four or five years old he can set himself the attitude towards behavior that is most acceptable in a particular situation .

Social emotions

emotions and feelings that arise when social needs are satisfied.

The most important social emotions that regulate the nature of interpersonal relationships usually include embarrassment, shyness, envy and jealousy. Let's look at some of them in more detail.

FROM THE WORK EXPERIENCE OF FOREIGN PSYCHOLOGISTS

A group of British psychologists led by M. Argyll conducted a series of studies on the influence of various types of relationships on feelings of happiness and satisfaction. They identified the following hierarchy of types of relationships: the most significant source of satisfaction is the spouse. Close relatives and friends take the next place, work colleagues and neighbors are in last place. At the same time, three factors were identified that determine the degree of satisfaction: material (tangible) help, emotional support (including the degree of trust and self-disclosure, turning to another as a confidant) and community of interests.

Why is marriage so significant? When comparing the behavior of spouses in happy and conflicting marriages, it turned out that in happy marriages positive statements significantly prevail over negative ones and especially over critical ones. In disharmonious marriages, quarrels are very frequent, and husbands view them more negatively than wives. Harmonious marriages are characterized by a predominance of positive non-verbal behavioral acts (for example, kisses, gifts, help). They are characterized by greater satisfaction with their intimate life, more hours spent together, agreement on financial matters, and a joint approach to solving problems that arise. Mutual reinforcement and support are essential. Each partner brings something different, and sex and communication simultaneously serve as encouragement for both.

Marriage

contains sources of all kinds of conflicts. However, it also contains excellent opportunities for satisfaction. One study found that marital satisfaction could be predicted by the following data: frequency of intimacy minus number of arguments. Overall satisfaction depends on the balance of these two components.

Friendship -

an independent source of happiness. It is less important than marriage or family life, but more important than work or leisure (although this ratio may vary for different age groups). Friendship is most important for young people, from adolescence until marriage. At this time, it is the main type of relationship and becomes significant again in old age, after retirement or the loss of loved ones reduces the number of human connections. In between these two periods, family and work take up much more time than friendships. An interesting difference between the sexes was found: women form closer friendships than men and have more intimate conversations. They are more prone to self-disclosure, while men are more prone to joint activities and games.

One study found that friends eat, drink, talk, and spend leisure time together. The combination of socializing with food and drink seems to be the most characteristic feature of friendly meetings. Friends instantly lift each other's spirits, either in the form of fun and entertainment characteristic of children and young people, or in a calmer form characteristic of older people.

It has been discovered that people need friends for three reasons:

1) material assistance and information, although friends provide it to a lesser extent than family or colleagues;

2) social support in the form of advice, sympathy, confidential communication, or simply a common outlook on the world (for some married women, friends in this regard are more important than husbands);

3) community of interests, joint activities, common games.

Social skills and the ability to find and maintain friendships include the ability to communicate in a supportive style, provide mutual favors, and express friendly affection. The ability to communicate with third parties is important. Friends do not come alone: ​​everyone carries with them connections with a whole group of their friends and acquaintances, and it is very important to learn how to communicate correctly with this system of friendly contacts. Friendships can fall apart when people are jealous of their friends' other relationships, are unable to keep secrets, or cannot stand up for a friend in their absence.

The source of fairly strong social emotions is relatives,

especially siblings, parents and adult children. When they meet, they usually eat together and share family news. They just enjoy being together. If necessary, they are ready to provide significant assistance, for example, look after children, help with money, provide support in case of difficulties at work or other troubles. At the same time, relatives spend their leisure time together much less often (friends have an advantage here), in addition, completely different attitudes towards life values ​​and lifestyle are more often observed between relatives. Brother and sister are one of the most powerful and satisfying bonds, but they have a complex relationship. They may experience a strong sense of community and togetherness, but also feelings of jealousy and competition that begin in early childhood.

The significance of family ties can be explained by the following: during prolonged cohabitation from early childhood in the same family, a kind of conditioned reflex ties are formed. Another hypothesis is that people care about the well-being of their genes and, therefore, of those who share the same genes. Women tend to be more involved in kinship ties than men, especially with female relatives (for example, ties between mother and daughter or between sisters).

What is the source of happiness derived from family ties? In constructive help, which is much higher than the help provided by friends, and in very strong, long-lasting attachments, which are expressed in lifelong attention and care, pleasure from communicating with each other.

Satisfaction from communication at work

is more important for those who are popular, belong to small, close-knit work groups, and for those who have the opportunity to communicate directly while working. This is satisfaction of a practical, instrumental nature, for example, from advice received or assistance in work, from cooperation in completing a joint task. As a rule, people talk a lot at work, joke and gossip both during work and during the lunch break.

Level of satisfaction derived from communication with neighbors

Quite modest and mostly associated with minor day-to-day mutual assistance. Quite often, communication between neighbors is structured like a conversation across a garden fence; From time to time, cooperation may arise on more serious issues of local importance (proposed construction of housing, roads). Neighbors are important for those family members who are at home most of the time. They provide assistance with childcare and grocery shopping. Neighbors are important to older people because they can be their main source of social contact.

(See: Argyll M.

Psychology of happiness: Trans. from English –

M.: Progress, 1990. – pp. 43-56.)

Confusion . Let's imagine the scene: in a cafe during a break between classes, you are talking with the professor about an important idea that came to your mind, and, carried away by the exposition, spill coffee on yourself. It is obvious that you look ridiculous, stupid, not at all what you would like. You are confused.