A child’s communication and attitude towards other people changes significantly during preschool age. Thus, in the middle of preschool age (4-5 years), the need for recognition and respect appears and begins to dominate. If until the age of 3-4 years children received direct pleasure from playing with toys, now it is important for them to know how their actions are perceived and evaluated by the people around them. The child strives to attract the attention of others, sensitively catches signs of attitude toward himself in their glances and facial expressions, and demonstrates resentment in response to inattention or reproaches from partners. In children's communication at this age, a competitive, competitive element appears. The peer becomes the subject of constant comparison with oneself. Through such a comparison of his specific qualities, skills and abilities, the child can evaluate and affirm himself as the owner of certain advantages.
This stage is natural and necessary for the development of interpersonal relationships. By contrasting himself with a peer and thus highlighting his own self, the child can return to his peer and perceive him as an integral, valuable person. Usually by the age of 6-7 years, the ability to appreciate the qualities and skills of other people, the desire to be friends, help, and do something together appears.
However, demonstrativeness is often fixed and develops into a personal characteristic, a stable character trait. Such children are most concerned with showing their superiority in everything. The main motive for the child’s actions is the positive assessment of others, with the help of which he satisfies his own exaggerated need for self-affirmation.
Peculiarities of behavior of demonstrative children
Unlike touchy and shy children, demonstrative children are distinguished by their pronounced activity and desire to attract attention to themselves by any possible means. Such children, as a rule, are quite active in communication. However, in most cases, when turning to a partner, they do not feel real interest in him or desire to do something together. Mostly they want to show themselves and arouse the admiration of others: they talk about themselves, show off their toys, demonstrate any means of attracting the attention of adults or peers. “Look how I can draw, jump, how quickly I eat, what kind of slippers I have, etc.” Self-affirmation and the admiring attention of others is their main goal and value. At the same time, a way to attract attention can be both positive forms of behavior (“look how good I am”), and actions expressing aggression. Demonstrative children are very focused on the assessment of others, especially adults. As a rule, such children strive at all costs to obtain a positive assessment of themselves and their actions. However, in cases where relationships with an adult or with peers do not work out, demonstrative children use negative behavioral tactics: they show aggression, complain, provoke scandals and quarrels.
Demonstrativeness can manifest itself not only in the desire to show one’s own merits and achievements. Possessing attractive objects is also a traditional form of demonstrating one’s self. For many children, the strong desire to own some kind of car or doll is not associated with their own play needs, but with the desire to demonstrate their property (and therefore an advantage) over others. How often, having received a new toy as a gift, children take it to kindergarten not to play with it, but to “show it off”, “show off”.
Often, self-affirmation is achieved by reducing the value or devaluing of another. For example, after seeing a drawing by a peer, a demonstrative child may say: “I draw better, this is not a beautiful drawing at all.” In general, comparative forms prevail in the speech of demonstrative children: better/worse; prettier/uglier, etc. They constantly compare themselves with others and it is clear that this comparison is always “in their favor.”
Demonstrative children show increased interest in the actions of their peers: they watch what others are doing, make comments and comments, while their interest is clearly evaluative. So, Nastya D. (5 years 9 months), as soon as the adult gave the task to her partner, she began to be loudly indignant: “Why did they tell Nikita to do it, he doesn’t know how to do anything, and in his quiet time he behaved badly. The teacher scolded him. I’ll do better, can I, well, please.” At the same time, she continuously watched Nikita’s actions and tried to insert elements into his mosaic herself.
In addition, the behavior of demonstrative children is characterized by high normativity: children often explain the motivation for the action by saying that it is necessary. Using socially approved forms of behavior, children constantly expect and demand positive evaluation of their actions. However, their correct moral actions are unstable and dependent on the situation. Demonstrative children can solve the same problem in different ways, depending on the presence or absence of an adult. For example, in one of our studies, a situation was organized in which the child could share or not share candy with his partner. In the first situation, an adult was present in the room, although he did not take part in what was happening. Demonstrative children shared with a peer, commenting on their action out loud, turning to an adult. For example, Lyusya D. (5 years 7 months), looking at an adult, says: “I’ll give Katya candy, because she didn’t get any. Good children always share with those who were not given. I really did well...” In the second situation, the adult left the room, but all the children’s words were recorded on a voice recorder. This time, the same children did not even think about sharing with their partner, even despite their requests. The same Lucy D., in response to a peer’s request to give him half a candy, this time said: “I won’t give it to you. Why should I? This was given to me. Ask, maybe they’ll give it to you.” Thus, a pronounced formalism is observed in the behavior of demonstrative children. For them, it is much more important to comply with the external picture of approved behavior than to actually help a peer. Thus, even when performing a kind deed, a child does it not for the sake of another, but in order to demonstrate his own kindness to others (a certain form of “ostentatious altruism”).
Demonstrative children react very emotionally and even painfully to the reproach and praise of other children. When an adult gives a negative assessment to the actions of a peer, a demonstrative child enthusiastically and with great pleasure supports her. In response to the praise of a peer, he, on the contrary, begins to object. So Anya R. (6 years 1 month), after listening to the praise addressed to her peer, said: “Well, maybe it’s better than last time, but it’s still ugly and uneven.”
Demonstrativeness is very clearly revealed in the nature and degree of help to other children. So, in one of the classes, we asked two children to assemble their own pattern from a mosaic - the sun in the sky, while the parts of different colors were not distributed equally - one child had parts predominantly yellow, the other blue. Accordingly, in order to complete the task, the child is forced to turn to a peer for help and ask for the necessary details. Observations showed that the majority of demonstrative children in this situation provided “formal provocative assistance,” i.e. in response to a peer’s request, they gave only one element, which was clearly not enough. Thus, Mitya S. (5 years 11 months) noticed that his partner did not have the necessary yellow elements, but he sat silently and did not ask him for anything. Then Mitya turned to his partner with the words: “Sasha, if you don’t ask for permission, I won’t give it to you.” Sasha continued to sit silently, Mitya repeated: “Ask, and I’ll give.” Sasha asked very quietly: “Give me a few yellow ones, otherwise I didn’t have enough.” Mitya smiled and put one element in Sasha’s box with the words: “Here, you asked, I gave it.” To Sasha’s further requests, Mitya answered irritably: “I already gave it to you.” Don’t you see, I do the same, wait.” Igor B. (5 years 8 months), in response to a peer’s request, began to give him elements of any colors except the one that was actually needed, while he pretended that he did not hear his peer’s objections at all. Other children began to share as soon as they finished their mosaic, but they did it very reluctantly. This type of assistance, without prejudice to oneself, can be called “pragmatic.” Thus, Roma S. (5 years 2 months) did not react in any way to his partner’s requests for the necessary elements, pretended that he did not hear, and sang a song loudly. As soon as he completed his picture, he looked at his partner with interest: “Oh, you don’t have any yellow ones. You’ll have to add a little extra... Don’t be afraid, we’ll give it to you.” Having put several yellow elements in the box for his partner, Roma turned to the adult: “Look how much I gave him.”
From these examples it is clear that the basis of these children’s attitude towards others is the desire to surpass others, to show their advantages. This is manifested in the constant comparison of one’s achievements and the successes of others, in demonstrating one’s superiority in everything.
For demonstrative children, another child acts mainly as a bearer of a certain attitude; he is interesting only in connection with the attitude he shows towards him - whether he appreciates or does not appreciate, helps or not. For example, Nastya talks about her friend Katya like this: “Katya helps me, if I get into trouble, she is friends with me, she can help me with drawing. Kind because she plays with me. Of course, I am also kind. I’m just like Katya, even I’m even better.”
Demonstrative children
If until the age of 3-4 years children received direct pleasure from playing with toys, now it is important for them to know how their actions are perceived and evaluated by the people around them. The child strives to attract the attention of others, sensitively catches signs of attitude toward himself in their glances and facial expressions, and demonstrates resentment in response to inattention or reproaches from partners. In children's communication at this age, a competitive, competitive element appears. The peer becomes the subject of constant comparison with oneself. Through such a comparison of his specific qualities, skills and abilities, the child can evaluate and affirm himself as the owner of certain advantages. This stage is natural and necessary for the development of interpersonal relationships. By contrasting himself with a peer and thus highlighting his own self, the child can return to his peer and perceive him as an integral, valuable person. Usually by the age of 6-7 years, the ability to appreciate the qualities and skills of other people, the desire to be friends, help, and do something together appears. However, demonstrativeness is often fixed and develops into a personal characteristic, a stable character trait. Such children are most concerned with showing their superiority in everything. The main motive for the child’s actions is the positive assessment of others, with the help of which he satisfies his own exaggerated need for self-affirmation.
Peculiarities of behavior of demonstrative children
Unlike touchy and shy children, demonstrative children are distinguished by their pronounced activity and desire to attract attention to themselves by any possible means.
Such children, as a rule, are quite active in communication. However, in most cases, when turning to a partner, they do not feel real interest in him or desire to do something together. Mostly they want to show themselves and arouse the admiration of others: they talk about themselves, show off their toys, demonstrate any means of attracting the attention of adults or peers. “Look how I can draw, jump, how quickly I eat, what kind of slippers I have, etc.” Self-affirmation and the admiring attention of others is their main goal and value. At the same time, a way to attract attention can be both positive forms of behavior (“look how good I am”), and actions expressing aggression.
Demonstrative children are very focused on the assessment of others
, especially adults. As a rule, such children strive at all costs to obtain a positive assessment of themselves and their actions. However, in cases where relationships with an adult or with peers do not work out, demonstrative children use negative behavioral tactics: they show aggression, complain, provoke scandals and quarrels. Demonstrativeness can manifest itself not only in the desire to show one’s own merits and achievements.
Possessing attractive objects
is also a traditional form of demonstrating one’s own self. For many children, the strong desire to own some kind of car or doll is not associated with their own play needs, but with the desire to demonstrate their property (and therefore an advantage) over others. How often, having received a new toy as a gift, children take it to kindergarten not to play with it, but to “show it off”, “show off”.
Self-affirmation is often achieved by reducing the value or devaluation of another
. For example, after seeing a drawing by a peer, a demonstrative child may say: “I draw better, this is not a beautiful drawing at all.” In general, comparative forms prevail in the speech of demonstrative children: better/worse; prettier/uglier, etc. They constantly compare themselves with others and it is clear that this comparison is always “in their favor.” Demonstrative children show increased interest in the actions of their peers: they watch what others are doing, make comments and comments, while their interest is clearly evaluative.
So, Nastya D. (5 years 9 months), as soon as the adult gave the task to her partner, she began to be loudly indignant: “Why did they tell Nikita to do it, he doesn’t know how to do anything, and in his quiet time he behaved badly. The teacher scolded him. I’ll do better, can I, well, please.” At the same time, she continuously watched Nikita’s actions and tried to insert elements into his mosaic herself. In addition, the behavior of demonstrative children is characterized by high normativity: children often explain the motivation for the action by saying that it is necessary. Using socially approved forms of behavior, children constantly expect and demand positive evaluation of their actions.
However, their correct moral actions are unstable and dependent on the situation. Demonstrative children can solve the same problem in different ways, depending on the presence or absence of an adult. For example, in one of our studies, a situation was organized in which the child could share or not share candy with his partner. In the first situation, an adult was present in the room, although he did not take part in what was happening.
Demonstrative children shared with a peer, commenting on their action out loud, turning to an adult. For example, Lyusya D. (5 years 7 months), looking at an adult, says: “I’ll give Katya candy, because she didn’t get any. Good children always share with those who were not given. I really did well...” In the second situation, the adult left the room, but all the children’s words were recorded on a voice recorder. This time, the same children did not even think about sharing with their partner, even despite their requests. The same Lucy D., in response to a peer’s request to give him half a candy, this time said: “I won’t give it to you. Why should I? This was given to me. Ask, maybe they’ll give it to you.”
Thus, a pronounced formalism is observed in the behavior of demonstrative children.
For them, it is much more important to comply with the external picture of approved behavior than to actually help a peer. Thus, even when performing a kind deed, a child does it not for the sake of another, but in order to demonstrate his own kindness to others (a certain form of “ostentatious altruism”). Demonstrative children react very emotionally and even painfully to the reproach and praise of other children. When an adult gives a negative assessment to the actions of a peer, a demonstrative child enthusiastically and with great pleasure supports her. In response to the praise of a peer, he, on the contrary, begins to object.
So Anya R. (6 years 1 month), after listening to praise addressed to a peer, said: “Well, maybe it’s better than last time, but it’s still ugly and uneven.” Demonstrativeness is very clearly revealed in the nature and degree of help to other children.
So, in one of the classes, we asked two children to assemble their own pattern from a mosaic - the sun in the sky, while the parts of different colors were not distributed equally - one child had parts predominantly yellow, the other blue. Accordingly, in order to complete the task, the child is forced to turn to a peer for help and ask for the necessary details.
Observations showed that the majority of demonstrative children in this situation provided “ formal provocative assistance”
, i.e.
in response to a peer’s request, they gave only one element, which was clearly not enough. Thus, Mitya S. (5 years 11 months) noticed that his partner did not have the necessary yellow elements, but he sat silently and did not ask him for anything. Then Mitya turned to his partner with the words: “Sasha, if you don’t ask for permission, I won’t give it to you.” Sasha continued to sit silently, Mitya repeated: “Ask, and I’ll give.” Sasha asked very quietly: “Give me a few yellow ones, otherwise I didn’t have enough.” Mitya smiled and put one element in Sasha’s box with the words: “Here, you asked, I gave it.” To Sasha’s further requests, Mitya answered irritably: “I already gave it to you.” Don’t you see, I do the same, wait.” Igor B. (5 years 8 months), in response to a peer’s request, began to give him elements of any colors except the one that was actually needed, while he pretended that he did not hear his peer’s objections at all. Other children began to share as soon as they finished their mosaic, but they did it very reluctantly. This type of assistance, without prejudice to oneself, can be called “pragmatic”
.
Thus, Roma S. (5 years 2 months) did not react in any way to his partner’s requests for the necessary elements, pretended that he did not hear, and sang a song loudly. As soon as he completed his picture, he looked at his partner with interest: “Oh, you don’t have any yellow ones. You’ll have to add a little extra... Don’t be afraid, we’ll give it to you.” Having put several yellow elements in the box for his partner, Roma turned to the adult: “Look how much I gave him.” From these examples it is clear that the basis of these children’s attitude towards others is the desire to surpass others, to show their advantages. This is manifested in the constant comparison of one’s achievements and the successes of others, in demonstrating one’s superiority in everything. For demonstrative children, the other child acts mainly as a bearer of a certain attitude,
he is interesting only in connection with the attitude he shows towards him - whether he appreciates him or not, helps him or not. For example, Nastya talks about her friend Katya like this: “Katya helps me, if I get into trouble, she is friends with me, she can help me with drawing. Kind because she plays with me. Of course, I am also kind. I’m just like Katya, even I’m even better.”
What underlies children's demonstrativeness?
So, ideas about the own qualities and abilities of demonstrative children need constant reinforcement through comparison with someone else, the bearer of which is a peer. These children have a pronounced need for other people; they constantly need company and communication. But other people are needed to show oneself, to have something to compare with. When comparing oneself with another, a pronounced competitiveness and a strong orientation towards the assessment of others is revealed.
One of the ways of self-affirmation is compliance with moral standards, which is aimed at receiving encouragement from adults or at feeling one’s own moral superiority. Therefore, such children sometimes do good, noble deeds. However, adherence to moral norms is clearly formal and demonstrative; it is not aimed at other children, but at receiving a positive assessment, at establishing oneself in the eyes of others. One’s own “kindness” or “fairness” is emphasized as personal advantages and is contrasted with other, “bad” children.
Unlike other problematic forms of interpersonal relationships (such as aggressiveness or shyness), demonstrativeness is not considered a negative and, in fact, problematic quality. Moreover, at present, some features inherent in demonstrative children, on the contrary, are socially approved: perseverance, healthy egoism, the ability to achieve one’s own, the desire for recognition, ambition are considered the key to a successful life position.
However, this does not take into account that opposing oneself to another, the painful need for recognition and self-affirmation are the shaky foundation of psychological comfort and certain actions. The insatiable need for praise and superiority over others becomes the main motive for all actions and deeds. His Self is at the center of his world and consciousness; he constantly views and evaluates himself through the eyes of others,
perceives himself exclusively through the attitude of others, and this attitude should be enthusiastic. He is confident that others should think only of him, admire his virtues and express their admiration.
Such a child is constantly afraid of being worse than others. This fear gives rise to anxiety, self-doubt, and constant tension, which is compensated by boasting and emphasizing one’s advantages. The main difficulty is not even that such a child incorrectly evaluates himself, but that this assessment becomes the main content of his life,
closing off the entire world around us and other people. He literally sees nothing except what others think and say about him. Such tension can cause not only envy and jealousy when meeting a more successful peer, but also various neurotic deviations. That is why it is important to promptly identify manifestations of demonstrativeness as a personal quality and help the child overcome such a competitive position.
Is it possible to overcome the competitive position of a preschooler
Recently, the formation of positive self-esteem, encouragement and recognition of the child’s merits have become almost the main methods of social and moral education. This method is based on the belief that positive self-esteem provides emotional comfort to the child and contributes to the development of self-confidence. Such upbringing really reinforces and strengthens positive self-esteem, the confidence that I am better than everyone else. As a result, the child begins to perceive and experience only himself and his attitude towards himself. And this, as shown above, is the main problem of demonstrative children. Such focus on oneself and one’s own merits does not allow one to see the other, turning him into a competitor and adversary. Therefore, the absence of assessments and comparisons of children (who is better and who is worse) should be one of the first conditions for overcoming demonstrativeness.
Adults should strive to save the child from the need to assert himself and prove his superiority. A child, even without constant praise and evaluation, should feel respect for himself and the love of close adults. Only then will he feel the pricelessness of his personality, and will not need constant encouragement and comparisons with others. It is also necessary to abandon the competitive nature
in games and activities. Competitions, competitive games, duels and competitions are very common and widely used in education. However, all these games direct the child’s attention to his own qualities and merits, generate an orientation towards the assessment of others and towards demonstrating his advantages.
To overcome demonstrativeness, the main thing is to show the child that the assessment and attitude of others is far from the most important thing in his life.
, and that other children are not at all focused on his person.
They have their own interests, desires and problems, which are no worse or better, but simply different. Of course, it is useless to explain all this in words to a preschooler. You can “move” a child away from such “fixation” on yourself by opening him up to new interests, switching to cooperation and full-fledged communication.
Traditional activities for preschoolers - drawing, modeling, design and, of course, playing - open up rich opportunities for this. A child should experience the pleasure of drawing or playing - not because he does it best and will be praised for it, but because it is interesting, especially if you do it all together. Interest in fairy tales, songs, and looking at pictures distracts the child from evaluating himself and thoughts about how others treat him. Other children should not become a source of resentment for him, but partners in a common cause. He must understand that other children do not exist to respect and praise him. They have their own interests and desires, which are not at all related to his person. To do this, it is important to create situations and organize games in which children can experience community and involvement with each other in real interaction. These are primarily role-playing games, round dance games, simple games with rules, etc.
Here are a few games that will help you better see your peers, appreciate them and experience a sense of community with them. From 2 to 6 children of senior preschool age (5-6 years old) can participate in these games.
"Mirror"
Before the start of the game there is a warm-up. The adult stands in front of the children and asks them to repeat his movements as accurately as possible. He demonstrates light physical exercises and the children imitate his movements. After this, the children are divided into pairs and each pair takes turns “performing” in front of the others. In each pair, one performs some action (For example, clapping his hands, or raising his arms, or leaning to the side), and the other tries to reproduce his movement as accurately as possible, as in a mirror. Each couple decides for itself who will show and who will reproduce the movements. If a mirror distorts or is late, it is damaged (or crooked). A couple of children are asked to practice and “fix” a damaged mirror. When all the mirrors are working normally, the adult invites the children to do what people usually do in front of a mirror: wash their face, comb their hair, do exercises, dance. The mirror must simultaneously repeat all the person’s actions. You just need to try to do it very accurately, because there are no inaccurate mirrors!
«Echo»
An adult tells the children about Echo, which lives in the mountains or in a large empty room; you cannot see it, but you can hear it: it repeats even the strangest sounds. After this, the children are divided into two groups, one of which depicts travelers in the mountains, and the other - Echo. The first group of children in single file (in a chain) “travels around the room” and takes turns making different sounds (not words, but sound combinations), for example: “Au-u-u-u”, or “Tr-r-r-r” and etc. There should be long pauses between sounds, which are best regulated by the presenter. He can also monitor the order of pronounced sounds, i.e. show which of the children and when to make their sound. Children of the second group hide in different places in the room, listen carefully and try to reproduce as accurately as possible everything they heard. If Echo works “out of sync”, i.e. does not reproduce sounds simultaneously, this is not scary. It is important that it does not distort sounds and reproduces them accurately.
"Magic glasses"
An adult solemnly announces that he has magic glasses through which one can see only the good that is in a person, even what a person sometimes hides from everyone. “Now I’m going to try on these glasses... Oh, how beautiful, funny, smart you all are!” Approaching each child, the adult names one of his virtues (someone draws well, someone has a new doll, someone makes their bed well). “Now let each of you try on glasses, look at others and try to see as much good as possible in everyone. Maybe even something I didn’t notice before.” Children take turns putting on magic glasses and naming the virtues of their comrades. If someone is at a loss, you can help him and suggest some merits of his friend. Repetition is not a problem here, although if possible it is advisable to expand the range of good qualities.
"Bragging Competition"
An adult invites the children to hold a braggart competition. “The one who boasts the best wins. We will not brag about ourselves, but about our neighbor. It's so nice to have the best neighbor! Look closely at the person sitting to your right. Think about what he’s like, what’s good about him, what he can do, what good deeds he’s done, what you might like about him. Don't forget that this is a competition. The winner will be the one who boasts better about his neighbor, who finds more merit in him.” After such an introduction, the children in a circle name the advantages of their neighbor and brag about his merits. In this case, the objectivity of the assessment is not at all important - whether these advantages are real or invented. The “scale” of these advantages is also not important - it can be a loud voice, a neat hairstyle, or long (or short) hair. The main thing is that children notice these characteristics of their peers and are able not only to positively evaluate them, but also to brag about them to their peers. The winner is chosen by the children themselves, but if necessary, an adult can express their opinion. To make the victory more meaningful and desirable, you can reward the winner with some small prize (a paper medal for “Best Braggart” or a badge). Such a prize arouses even the most selfish child’s interest in his peer and the desire to find as many merits in him as possible.
«Tie thread»
Children sit in a circle, passing a ball of thread to each other so that everyone who was already holding the ball takes up the thread. The passing of the ball is accompanied by statements about what the children would like to wish to others. The adult starts, thereby setting an example. He then turns to the children, asking if they want to say anything. When the ball returns to the leader, the children, at the request of the adult, pull the thread and close their eyes, imagining that they form one whole, that each of them is important and significant in this whole.
«Princess Nesmeyana"
An adult tells a fairy tale about Princess Nesmeyana and offers to play the same game.
One of the children will be the Princess, who is sad and cries all the time. The children take turns approaching the Nesmeyana Princess and trying to console her and make her laugh. The princess will try her best not to laugh. The one who can make the Princess smile wins.” Then the children change roles. Such games promote the formation of community with others
and the opportunity to see friends and partners in peers. When a child feels the joy of common play, of what we do together, when he shares this joy with others, his self-loving self will most likely stop demanding praise and admiration. A sense of community and interest in others are the foundation on which only full communication between people and normal human relationships can be built.
What underlies children's demonstrativeness?
So, ideas about the own qualities and abilities of demonstrative children need constant reinforcement through comparison with someone else, the bearer of which is a peer. These children have a pronounced need for other people; they constantly need company and communication. But other people are needed to show oneself, to have something to compare with. When comparing oneself with another, a pronounced competitiveness and a strong orientation towards the assessment of others is revealed.
One of the ways of self-affirmation is compliance with moral standards, which is aimed at receiving encouragement from adults or at feeling one’s own moral superiority. Therefore, such children sometimes do good, noble deeds. However, adherence to moral norms is clearly formal and demonstrative; it is not aimed at other children, but at receiving a positive assessment, at establishing oneself in the eyes of others. One’s own “kindness” or “fairness” is emphasized as personal advantages and is contrasted with other, “bad” children.
Unlike other problematic forms of interpersonal relationships (such as aggressiveness or shyness), demonstrativeness is not considered a negative and, in fact, problematic quality. Moreover, at present, some features inherent in demonstrative children, on the contrary, are socially approved: perseverance, healthy egoism, the ability to achieve one’s own, the desire for recognition, ambition are considered the key to a successful life position. However, this does not take into account that opposing oneself to another, the painful need for recognition and self-affirmation are the shaky foundation of psychological comfort and certain actions. The insatiable need for praise and superiority over others becomes the main motive for all actions and deeds. His Self is at the center of his world and consciousness; he constantly examines and evaluates himself through the eyes of others, perceives himself exclusively through the attitude of others, and this attitude must be enthusiastic. He is confident that others should think only of him, admire his virtues and express their admiration. Such a child is constantly afraid of being worse than others. This fear gives rise to anxiety, self-doubt, and constant tension, which is compensated by boasting and emphasizing one’s advantages. The main difficulty is not even that such a child incorrectly evaluates himself, but that this assessment becomes the main content of his life, covering up the entire world around him and other people. He literally sees nothing except what others think and say about him. Such tension can cause not only envy and jealousy when meeting a more successful peer, but also various neurotic deviations. That is why it is important to promptly identify manifestations of demonstrativeness as a personal quality and help the child overcome such a competitive position.
Is it possible to overcome the competitive position of a preschooler?
Recently, the formation of positive self-esteem, encouragement and recognition of the child’s merits have become almost the main methods of social and moral education. This method is based on the belief that positive self-esteem provides emotional comfort to the child and contributes to the development of self-confidence. Such upbringing really reinforces and strengthens positive self-esteem, the confidence that I am better than everyone else. As a result, the child begins to perceive and experience only himself and his attitude towards himself. And this, as shown above, is the main problem of demonstrative children. Such focus on oneself and one’s own merits does not allow one to see the other, turning him into a competitor and adversary. Therefore, the absence of assessments and comparisons of children (who is better and who is worse) should be one of the first conditions for overcoming demonstrativeness.
Adults should strive to save the child from the need to assert himself and prove his superiority. A child, even without constant praise and evaluation, should feel respect for himself and the love of close adults. Only then will he feel the pricelessness of his personality, and will not need constant encouragement and comparisons with others.
It is also necessary to abandon the competitive nature of games and activities. Competitions, competitive games, duels and competitions are very common and widely used in education. However, all these games direct the child’s attention to his own qualities and merits, generate an orientation towards the assessment of others and towards demonstrating his advantages.
To overcome demonstrativeness, the main thing is to show the child that the assessment and attitude of others is far from the most important thing in his life, and that other children are not at all focused on his person. They have their own interests, desires and problems, which are no worse or better, but simply different.
Of course, it is useless to explain all this in words to a preschooler. You can “move” a child away from such “fixation” on yourself by opening him up to new interests, switching to cooperation and full-fledged communication. Traditional activities for preschoolers - drawing, modeling, design and, of course, playing - open up rich opportunities for this. A child should experience the pleasure of drawing or playing - not because he does it best and will be praised for it, but because it is interesting, especially if you do it all together. Interest in fairy tales, songs, and looking at pictures distracts the child from evaluating himself and thoughts about how others treat him. Other children should not become a source of resentment for him, but partners in a common cause. He must understand that other children do not exist to respect and praise him. They have their own interests and desires, which are not at all related to his person. To do this, it is important to create situations and organize games in which children can experience community and involvement with each other in real interaction. These are primarily role-playing games, round dance games, simple games with rules, etc.
Here are a few games that will help you better see your peers, appreciate them and experience a sense of community with them. From 2 to 6 children of senior preschool age (5-6 years old) can participate in these games.
"Mirror"
Before the start of the game there is a warm-up. The adult stands in front of the children and asks them to repeat his movements as accurately as possible. He demonstrates light physical exercises and the children imitate his movements. After this, the children are divided into pairs and each pair takes turns “performing” in front of the others. In each pair, one performs some action (For example, clapping his hands, or raising his arms, or leaning to the side), and the other tries to reproduce his movement as accurately as possible, as in a mirror. Each couple decides for itself who will show and who will reproduce the movements. If a mirror distorts or is late, it is damaged (or crooked). A couple of children are asked to practice and “fix” a damaged mirror.
When all the mirrors are working normally, the adult invites the children to do what people usually do in front of a mirror: wash their face, comb their hair, do exercises, dance. The mirror must simultaneously repeat all the person’s actions. You just need to try to do it very accurately, because there are no inaccurate mirrors!
"Echo"
An adult tells the children about Echo, which lives in the mountains or in a large empty room; you cannot see it, but you can hear it: it repeats even the strangest sounds. After this, the children are divided into two groups, one of which depicts travelers in the mountains, and the other - Echo. The first group of children in single file (in a chain) “travels around the room” and takes turns making different sounds (not words, but sound combinations), for example: “Au-u-u-u”, or “Tr-r-r-r” and etc. There should be long pauses between sounds, which are best regulated by the presenter. He can also monitor the order of pronounced sounds, i.e. show which of the children and when to make their sound. Children of the second group hide in different places in the room, listen carefully and try to reproduce as accurately as possible everything they heard. If Echo works “out of sync”, i.e. does not reproduce sounds simultaneously, this is not scary. It is important that it does not distort sounds and reproduces them accurately.
"Magic glasses"
An adult solemnly announces that he has magic glasses through which one can see only the good that is in a person, even what a person sometimes hides from everyone. “Now I’m going to try on these glasses... Oh, how beautiful, funny, smart you all are!” Approaching each child, the adult names one of his virtues (someone draws well, someone has a new doll, someone makes their bed well). “Now let each of you try on glasses, look at others and try to see as much good as possible in everyone. Maybe even something I didn’t notice before.” Children take turns putting on magic glasses and naming the virtues of their comrades. If someone is at a loss, you can help him and suggest some merits of his friend. Repetition is not a problem here, although if possible it is advisable to expand the range of good qualities.
"Bragging Competition"
An adult invites the children to hold a braggart competition. “The one who boasts the best wins. We will not brag about ourselves, but about our neighbor. It's so nice to have the best neighbor! Look closely at the person sitting to your right. Think about what he’s like, what’s good about him, what he can do, what good deeds he’s done, what you might like about him. Don't forget that this is a competition. The winner will be the one who boasts better about his neighbor, who finds more merit in him.”
After such an introduction, the children in a circle name the advantages of their neighbor and brag about his merits. In this case, the objectivity of the assessment is not at all important - whether these advantages are real or invented. The “scale” of these advantages is also not important - it can be a loud voice, a neat hairstyle, or long (or short) hair. The main thing is that children notice these characteristics of their peers and are able not only to positively evaluate them, but also to brag about them to their peers. The winner is chosen by the children themselves, but if necessary, an adult can express their opinion. To make the victory more meaningful and desirable, you can reward the winner with some small prize (a paper medal for “Best Braggart” or a badge). Such a prize arouses even the most selfish child’s interest in his peer and the desire to find as many merits in him as possible.
"The Connecting Thread"
Children sit in a circle, passing a ball of thread to each other so that everyone who was already holding the ball takes up the thread. The passing of the ball is accompanied by statements about what the children would like to wish to others. The adult starts, thereby setting an example. He then turns to the children, asking if they want to say anything. When the ball returns to the leader, the children, at the request of the adult, pull the thread and close their eyes, imagining that they form one whole, that each of them is important and significant in this whole.
"Princess Nesmeyana"
An adult tells a fairy tale about Princess Nesmeyana and offers to play the same game. One of the children will be the Princess, who is sad and cries all the time. The children take turns approaching the Nesmeyana Princess and trying to console her and make her laugh. The princess will try her best not to laugh. The one who can make the Princess smile wins.” Then the children change roles.
Such games promote the formation of community with others and the opportunity to see peers as friends and partners. When a child feels the joy of common play, of what we do together, when he shares this joy with others, his self-loving self will most likely stop demanding praise and admiration. A sense of community and interest in others are the foundation on which only full communication between people and normal human relationships can be built.
magazine “Mom and Baby” No. 8, 2005
https://www.2mm.ru/
Speech “Causes and types of behavior disorders in schoolchildren, pedagogical correction”
HYPERACTIVE BEHAVIORPerhaps, the hyperactive behavior of children, like no other, causes criticism and complaints from educators, teachers, and parents.
Such children have an increased need for movement. When this need is blocked by rules of conduct, norms of school routine (i.e. in situations in which it is necessary to control and voluntarily regulate one’s motor activity), the child’s muscle tension increases, attention deteriorates, performance decreases, and fatigue sets in. The emotional release that occurs after this is a protective physiological reaction of the body to excessive overstrain and is expressed in uncontrollable motor restlessness, disinhibition, classified as disciplinary offenses.
The main signs of a hyperactive child are motor activity, impulsiveness, distractibility, and inattention. The child makes restless movements with his hands and feet; sitting on a chair, writhing, squirming; easily distracted by extraneous stimuli; has difficulty waiting his turn during games, classes, and other situations; answers questions without thinking, without listening to the end; has difficulty maintaining attention when completing tasks or playing games; often moves from one unfinished action to another; cannot play calmly, often interferes with the games and activities of other children.
A hyperactive child begins to complete a task without listening to the instructions to the end, but after a while it turns out that he does not know what to do. Then he either continues aimless actions, or annoyingly asks again what and how to do. Several times during the task he changes the goal, and in some cases he may even forget about it. Often distracted while working; does not use the proposed tools, therefore he makes many mistakes that he does not see and does not correct.
A child with hyperactive behavior is constantly on the move, no matter what he is doing. Each element of his movement is fast and active, but in general there are a lot of unnecessary, even obsessive movements. Often children with hyperactive behavior have insufficiently clear spatial coordination of movements. The child does not seem to “fit” into the space (he touches objects, bumps into corners, walls). Despite the fact that many of these children have bright facial expressions, moving eyes, and fast speech, they often find themselves outside the situation (lesson, game, communication), and after some time they “return” to it again. The effectiveness of “splashing” activity with hyperactive behavior is not always high; often what is started is not completed, the child jumps from one task to another.
A child with hyperactive behavior is impulsive, and it is impossible to predict what he will do next. The child himself does not know this. He acts without thinking about the consequences, although he does not plan anything bad and is sincerely upset about the incident of which he becomes the culprit. Such a child easily endures punishment, does not hold a grudge, constantly quarrels with his peers and immediately makes peace. This is the noisiest child in the children's group.
Children with hyperactive behavior have difficulty adapting to school, do not fit well into children's groups, and often have problems in relationships with peers. The maladaptive features of the behavior of such children indicate insufficiently formed regulatory mechanisms of the psyche, primarily self-control as the most important condition and necessary link in the development of voluntary behavior.
DEMONSTRATIVE BEHAVIOR
During demonstrative behavior, intentional and conscious
violation of accepted norms and rules of conduct. Internally and externally, such behavior is addressed to adults.
One of the options for demonstrative behavior is childish antics. Two of its features can be distinguished. Firstly, the child grimaces only in the presence of adults (teachers, caregivers, parents) and only when they pay attention to him. Secondly, when adults show a child that they do not approve of his behavior, the antics not only decrease, but even intensify. As a result, a special communicative act unfolds in which the child, in non-verbal language (through actions), tells adults: “I’m doing something that you don’t like.” Similar content is sometimes expressed directly in words, for example, many children from time to time declare: “I am bad.”
What prompts a child to use demonstrative behavior as a special way of communication?
Often this is a way to attract the attention of adults. Children make this choice in cases where parents communicate with them little or formally (the child does not receive the love, affection, and warmth he needs in the process of communication), and also if they communicate exclusively in situations where the child behaves badly and should be scolded , punish. Lacking acceptable forms of contact with adults (joint reading, work, play, sports activities), the child uses a paradoxical, but only form available to him - a demonstrative prank, which is immediately followed by punishment. “Communication” took place.
But this is not the only reason. If all cases of antics were explained this way, then this phenomenon should not exist in families where parents communicate quite a lot with their children. However, it is known that in such families children act no less. In this case, antics, self-denigration of the child “I’m bad” is a way to get out from under the power of adults, not to submit to their norms and not to give them the opportunity to condemn (since condemnation - self-condemnation - has already taken place). Such demonstrative behavior is predominantly common in families (groups, classes) with an authoritarian parenting style, authoritarian parents, educators, teachers, where children are constantly condemned.
Demonstrative behavior can also arise from the exact opposite desire of the child - to be as good as possible. In anticipation of attention from surrounding adults, the child is focused on specifically demonstrating his merits, his “good quality.”
One of the options for demonstrative behavior is whims - crying for no particular reason, unreasonable willful antics in order to assert oneself, attract attention, and “get the upper hand” over adults. Whims are accompanied by external manifestations of irritation: motor agitation, rolling on the floor, throwing toys and things.
Episodic whims can arise as a result of overwork, overstimulation of the child’s nervous system by strong and varied
significant impressions, as well as as a sign or consequence of the onset of a disease.
From episodic whims, which are largely due to the age characteristics of younger schoolchildren, one should distinguish entrenched whims that have turned into a habitual form of behavior. The main reason for such whims is improper upbringing (spoiling or excessive severity on the part of adults).
PROTEST BEHAVIOR
Forms of protest behavior in children are negativism, obstinacy, stubbornness.
At a certain age, usually at two and a half to three years (the crisis of a three-year-old child), such undesirable changes in the child’s behavior indicate a completely normal, constructive personality formation, a desire for independence, and an exploration of the boundaries of independence. If such manifestations in a child are of an exclusively negative nature, this is regarded as a lack of behavior.
Negativism
– this is the behavior of a child when he does not want to do something just because he was asked to do it; This is the child’s reaction not to the content of the action, but to the proposal itself, which comes from adults. L.S. Vygotsky emphasized that in negativism, firstly, the social attitude towards another person comes to the fore; secondly, the child no longer acts directly under the influence of his desire, but can act contrary to it.
Typical manifestations of children's negativism are causeless tears, rudeness, insolence or isolation, aloofness, and touchiness. “Passive” negativism is expressed in a silent refusal to carry out the instructions and demands of adults. With “active” negativism, children perform actions opposite to those required and strive at all costs to insist on their own. In both cases, children become uncontrollable: neither threats nor requests have any effect on them. They steadfastly refuse to do what they just recently did unquestioningly. The reason for this behavior is often that the child accumulates an emotionally negative attitude towards the demands of adults, which prevents the child from satisfying the child’s need for independence. Thus, negativism is often the result of improper upbringing, a consequence of a child’s protest against violence committed against him.
It is a mistake to confuse negativism with persistence. A child’s persistent desire to achieve a goal, as opposed to negativism, is a positive phenomenon. This is the most important characteristic of voluntary behavior. With negativism, the motive for the child’s behavior is solely the desire to insist on one’s own, and persistence is determined by a genuine interest in achieving the goal.
It is obvious that with the advent of negativism, contact between the child and the adult is disrupted, as a result of which education becomes impossible.
Negativism, to a certain extent, integrates all other forms of protest behavior, including stubbornness.
The reasons for stubbornness are varied. Stubbornness can arise as a result of an insoluble conflict between adults, for example parents, their opposition to each other without concessions, compromises or any changes. As a result, the child becomes so saturated with an atmosphere of stubbornness that he begins to behave in a similar way, without seeing anything wrong with it. Most adults who complain about the stubbornness of children are characterized by an individualistic orientation of interests, fixation on one point of view; Such adults are “grounded” and lack imagination and flexibility. In this case, the stubbornness of children exists only together with the need of adults to achieve unquestioning obedience at any cost.
Often stubbornness is defined as “the spirit of contradiction.” Such stubbornness, as a rule, is accompanied by feelings of guilt and worries about one’s behavior, but despite this, it arises again and again because it is painful. The reason for such stubbornness is a long-term emotional conflict, stress that cannot be resolved by the child on his own.
Negative, pathologically unconscious, blind, senseless stubbornness. Stubbornness is positive and normal if the child is driven by a conscious desire to express his own opinion, a reasonable protest against the infringement of his rights and vital needs. Such stubbornness, or, in other words, the “struggle for personal independence” is mainly characteristic of active, naturally energetic children with a high sense of self-esteem. The ability to behave regardless of circumstances and even in spite of them, guided by one’s own goals, is an important personal trait along with another, opposite to it, the desire to obey circumstances, rules, and act according to a model.
Closely related to negativism and stubbornness is a form of protest behavior called obstinacy.
What distinguishes obstinacy from negativism and stubbornness is that it is impersonal, i.e. directed not so much against a specific leading adult, but against the norms of upbringing, against the way of life imposed on the child.
Thus, the origins of protest behavior are varied.
AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR
Aggressive behavior is purposeful destructive behavior. By implementing aggressive behavior, a child contradicts the norms and rules of people’s lives in society, harms “objects of attack” (animate and inanimate), causes physical harm to people and causes them psychological discomfort (negative experiences, a state of mental tension, depression, fear).
A child’s aggressive actions can act as a means of achieving a goal that is meaningful to him; as a way of psychological release, replacement of a blocked, unsatisfied need; as an end in itself, satisfying the need for self-realization and self-affirmation.
Aggressive behavior can be direct, i.e. directly directed at the irritating object or displaced, when the child for some reason cannot direct aggression towards the source of irritation and is looking for a safer object for release. (For example, a child directs aggressive actions not at an older brother who offended him, but at a cat - he does not hit his brother, but torments the cat.) Since outward-directed aggression is condemned, the child can develop a mechanism for directing aggression towards himself (the so-called auto-aggression - self-humiliation, self-accusation).
Physical aggression is expressed in fights with other children, in the destruction of things and objects.
The child tears up books, scatters and breaks toys, throws them at children and adults, breaks necessary things, and sets fire to them. This behavior, as a rule, is provoked by some dramatic event or the need for attention from adults or other children.
Aggression does not necessarily manifest itself in physical actions. Some children are prone to verbal aggression (insulting, teasing, swearing), which often hides an unsatisfied need to feel strong or a desire to get even for their own grievances.
Problems that arise in children as a result of learning play an important role in the occurrence of aggressive behavior. Didactogeny (neurotic disorders that arise during the learning process) is one of the causes of child suicide.
A significant determinant of aggressive behavior in children is exposure to the media, primarily cinema and television. Systematic viewing of action films, horror films, and other films with scenes of cruelty, violence, and revenge leads to the fact that: children transfer aggressive acts from television screens into real life; emotional sensitivity to violence decreases and the likelihood of developing hostility, suspicion, envy, anxiety - feelings that provoke more aggressive behavior - increases.
Finally, aggressive behavior can arise under the influence of unfavorable external conditions: an authoritarian parenting style, deformation of the value system in family relationships, etc. As with protest behavior, emotional coldness or excessive severity of parents often leads to the accumulation of internal mental stress in children. This tension can be discharged through aggressive behavior.
Another reason for aggressive behavior is disharmonious relationships between parents (quarrels and fights between them), aggressive behavior of parents towards other people. Cruel, unfair punishments are often a model of a child’s aggressive behavior.
The child’s aggressiveness is indicated by the frequency of aggressive manifestations, as well as the intensity and inadequacy of reactions in relation to stimuli. Children who resort to aggressive behavior are usually impulsive, irritable, and quick-tempered; characteristic features of their emotional-volitional sphere are anxiety, emotional instability, weak ability for self-control, conflict, and hostility.
It is obvious that aggression as a form of behavior is directly dependent on the entire complex of personal qualities of the child that determine, guide and ensure the implementation of aggressive behavior.
Aggressiveness makes it difficult for children to adapt to living conditions in society and in a team; communication with peers and adults. A child’s aggressive behavior, as a rule, causes a corresponding reaction from others, and this, in turn, leads to increased aggressiveness, i.e. a vicious circle situation arises.
A child with aggressive behavior needs special attention, since sometimes it turns out that he does not even realize how kind and beautiful human relationships can be.
INFANTILE BEHAVIOR
Infantile behavior is spoken of when the child’s behavior retains features characteristic of an earlier age. For example, for an infantile primary school student the leading activity is still play. Often during a lesson, such a child, disconnecting from the educational process, begins to play unnoticed (rolling a car on the desk, arranging soldiers, making and launching airplanes). Such infantile manifestations of a child are regarded by the teacher as a violation of discipline.
A child who is characterized by infantile behavior, with normal and even accelerated physical and mental development, is characterized by the immaturity of integrative personal formations. This is expressed in the fact that, unlike his peers, he is unable to make a decision on his own, perform any action, experiences a feeling of insecurity, requires increased attention to his own person and the constant care of others about himself; he has decreased self-criticism
Infantile behavior, infantilism as a personality trait, if timely help is not provided to the child, can lead to undesirable social consequences. A child with infantile behavior often falls under the influence of peers or older children with antisocial attitudes, and thoughtlessly joins in illegal actions and behavior.
An infantile child is predisposed to caricatured reactions, which are ridiculed by peers, causing them to have an ironic attitude, which causes the child mental pain.
CONFORMAL BEHAVIOR
The types of behavior disorders discussed rightly cause serious concern among adults. However, it is also important not to ignore over-disciplined children. They are ready to unquestioningly obey adults and peers, blindly follow them contrary to their ideas and common sense. The behavior of these children is conformal; it is completely subordinate to external conditions and the demands of other people.
Conformity behavior, like some other behavioral disorders, is largely due to an incorrect, in particular authoritarian or overprotective, parenting style. Children deprived of freedom of choice, independence, initiative, creativity skills (because they have to act according to the instructions, instructions of an adult, because adults always do everything for the child), acquire some negative personal characteristics. In particular, they tend to change their self-esteem and value orientations, their interests and motives under the influence of another significant person or group in which they are included.
The psychological basis of conformity is high suggestibility, involuntary imitation, and “contagion.” However, it would be a mistake to define it as conformal natural imitation of adults when mastering the rules of behavior, assessing significant events, and mastering practical skills. The typical and natural desire of a primary school student to “be like everyone else” in the context of educational activities is also not conformal.
There are several reasons for this behavior and desire. Firstly, children master the skills and knowledge required for educational activities. The teacher controls the whole class and encourages everyone to follow the proposed model. Secondly, children learn about the rules of behavior in the classroom and school, which are presented to everyone together and to each individual. Thirdly, in many situations (especially unfamiliar ones) a child cannot independently choose his behavior and in this case is guided by the behavior of other children.
SYMPTOMATIC BEHAVIOR BEHAVIOR
Any behavioral disorder can be a kind of communicative metaphor, with the help of which a child informs adults about his mental pain, his psychological discomfort (for example, aggressive behavior, fights with peers - a kind of replacement for the missing closeness with parents). Such behavior of a child is classified as symptomatic. A symptom is a sign of a disease or some painful phenomenon. As a rule, a child’s symptomatic behavior is a sign of trouble in his family or at school. Symptomatic behavior becomes a coded message when open discussion of problems with adults is not possible. For example, a seven-year-old girl, returning from school during a particularly difficult period of habituation and adaptation for her, scatters books and notebooks around the room, thus eliminating the affect. After a while, she collects them and sits down to her homework.
Symptomatic behavior is a kind of alarm signal that warns that the current situation is further unbearable for the child.
Often, symptomatic behavior should be considered as a way that the child uses to benefit from an unfavorable situation: not to go to school, to attract the attention of the mother.
A child who shows discomfort, weakness, helplessness and expects to be cared for is essentially controlling the one who is caring for him. About this position, L. S. Vygotsky wrote: “Imagine that a child is experiencing a certain weakness. This weakness can become a strength under certain conditions. A child can hide behind his weakness. He is weak and hard of hearing - this reduces his responsibility compared to other people and attracts greater care from other people. And the child begins to unconsciously cultivate the disease in himself, since it gives him the right to demand increased attention to himself.” By making such a “flight into illness,” a child, as a rule, “chooses” exactly that disease, that behavior that will cause the extreme, most acute reaction of adults.
Thus, symptomatic behavior is characterized by several signs: behavioral disorders are arbitrary and cannot be controlled by the child; Behavioral disorders have a strong impact on other people, and, finally, such behavior is often “reinforced” by others.
