Etiquette. Communication with peers. How to communicate correctly with peers
How your relationships with your peers develop largely depends on you. Of course, your knowledge and skills, your appearance, and sense of humor will always be important to create authority. But the ability to behave, be tactful and attentive with others is still perhaps the most important. You can be able and know a lot, but if you don’t learn how to communicate with people, they won’t want to listen to you or admire your achievements.
There can be no insignificant details in communication. Every person at any age enjoys communicating with a polite, well-mannered and helpful person.
It is ugly, for example, to look into the notebook of your desk neighbor without permission. You cannot read other people's letters or personal diaries. It is rude to stand behind someone who is working on a computer.
Even if there is nothing secret in a written letter (on paper or on a computer), not everyone likes to have someone read words intended for another person.
For some reason, some guys in communication do not call each other by name, but come up with various nicknames for their classmates. Most often, school nicknames are formed, of course, from the surname. For example, Skvortsov, Stepanov, Belov, Frolov and Morozov automatically become simply Skvorts, Styopa, Bely, Frol and Moroz at school. Some guys are proud of their nickname, while others are completely indifferent to what they are called.
But there are many impressionable and shy children who are painfully worried and even suffer from such treatment and are very ashamed of their nickname. It even happens that from such suffering and grief they have nervous breakdowns. There are often cases when offensive nicknames and difficult relationships with peers become the cause of stuttering. And some myopic guys refuse to wear glasses for the sole reason that they will be teased as bespectacled or nerdy.
It doesn’t even occur to many kids that their classmate is worried and crying because of the nickname given to him.
Of course, only very stupid and evil people take pleasure in hurting others. Most often, guys do this not out of malice. But before you give someone a nickname, remember that a person has a name. For each of us, a name means a lot. Parents chose it for a long time, hoping that it would bring their child good luck in life. It is ugly and impolite to call your friends by their last name or replace their first name with a stupid or offensive nickname.
In order for you to have good relationships with friends and classmates, pay attention to these tips.
Rules for communicating with classmates
• show attention to your friends and classmates, try to ensure that your words and actions do not offend them;
• never laugh at people's physical disabilities;
• always and in everything help the younger and weaker;
• do not forget to thank for the service provided to you;
• do not come up with offensive nicknames for anyone;
• if you yourself suffer from a nickname attached to you, do not respond to it; maybe then your offender will remember your name;
• if a friend lent you something, give it back to him within the promised time, without waiting for him to remind you about it;
• always keep your promises;
• never promise what you cannot fulfill;
• value your word: your friends should know that they can rely on you in everything, that you always keep your word;
• always be precise: inaccuracy is, first of all, impolite;
• never eavesdrop on other people's conversations or read other people's letters;
• never show disrespect, insolence, impudence, rudeness or rudeness towards people.
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Article: Communication with peers article (junior, middle, senior, preparatory group)
Communication of a preschooler with peers
Preschool age is a particularly important period in education, since it is the age of initial formation of the child’s personality. At this time, rather complex relationships arise in the child’s communication with peers, which significantly influence the development of his personality. Knowledge of the peculiarities of relationships between children in a kindergarten group and the difficulties they encounter can provide serious assistance to adults when organizing educational work with preschoolers.
At preschool age, the child’s world is already, as a rule, inextricably linked with other children. And the older a child gets, the more important contacts with peers become for him.
It is obvious that a child’s communication with peers is a special area of his life, which differs significantly from communication with adults. Close adults are usually attentive and friendly to the baby, they surround him with warmth and care, teach him certain skills and abilities. With peers, everything happens differently. Children are less attentive and friendly; they are usually not too eager to help each other, support and understand their peers. They can take away a toy or offend you, not paying attention to your tears. And yet communication with other children brings a preschooler incomparable pleasure.
Starting from the age of 4, a peer becomes a more preferred and attractive partner for a child than an adult. If a preschooler is faced with a choice - with whom to play or go for a walk: with a friend or with his mother, most children will make this choice in favor of a peer.
So, preschool childhood is an extremely important period of human development. Its existence is determined by the socio-historical and evolutionary-biological development of society and a specific individual, which determines the tasks and opportunities for the development of a child of a given age. Preschool childhood has independent value, regardless of the child’s upcoming schooling.
In the communication of children with peers, there are a number of sequentially replacing each other forms of communication: 1. emotional-practical; 2. situational and business; 3. non-situational business.
The emotional-practical form of communication arises in the third year of a child’s life. The child expects his peer to participate in his own fun and self-expression. The main means of communication are expressive and facial.
At about 4 years of age, the second form of communication with peers appears - situational and business.
The role of communication with peers in children over 4 years of age noticeably increases among other types of child activity. This is due to the transformation of the leading activity of preschoolers - role-playing games. Speech becomes the main means of communication.
Researchers studying the relationship between speech and thinking in children (L.S. Vygotsky, A.R. Luria) have shown that all mental processes in a child (thinking, perception, memory, attention, imagination, purposeful behavior) develop with the direct participation of speech.
Junior preschool age
At a younger age (2-4 years old), it is necessary and sufficient for a child to have a peer join in his pranks, support and enhance the general fun. Children run after each other, hide and look for others, scream, squeal, and make faces. Each participant in such emotional communication is primarily concerned with attracting attention to himself and receiving an emotional response from his partner. In a peer, the child perceives only attention to himself, and the peer himself (his actions, desires, moods), as a rule, is not noticed. A peer is just a mirror for him, in which he sees only himself. Communication at this age is extremely situational - it depends entirely on the specific environment in which the interaction takes place and on the practical actions of the partner.
Quite often, some attractive object can ruin the friendly play of children: their attention immediately turns to it. The fight for a toy and the reluctance to give up one’s own is a distinctive feature of children. They affirm and defend their “I” primarily through the demonstration of their property: “Look what I have!”, “This is mine!” That is why it is very difficult to give what is yours. Attractive toys become a reason for endless disputes and conflicts among children. They can communicate normally only in the absence of distracting objects. Encourages adults to play together with one toy in this case are useless - children at this age can pay attention either to a peer or (which is much more common) to a toy.
Only with the help of an adult can a child see an equal person in a peer. Draw the attention of a small child to the attractive sides of a peer, to the fact that he can do the same simple actions (clap his hands, jump, spin, etc.). In early preschool age, it is better to organize games without objects, in which children act simultaneously and in the same way. These are well-known round dance games or simple games according to certain rules (“loaf”, “bunny”, “carousel”, “bubble”, “cat and mouse”, etc.).
Young children are indifferent to the successes of their peers, even if the praise comes from an adult. The baby does not seem to notice the actions and mood of his peer. At the same time, the presence of a peer makes the child more emotional and active, as evidenced by the children’s desire for each other and mutual imitation. The ease with which three-year-old children become infected with common emotional states may indicate a special commonality that arises when the same skills and things are discovered. This community is so far determined only by external signs: “You jump, and I jump,” “You have green slippers, and I have the same ones.” It is by emphasizing this commonality that relationships between kids can be improved.
Middle preschool age
A decisive change in attitude towards peers occurs in a child in the middle of preschool age. In the fifth year of life (especially for those children who attend kindergarten), one-year-olds become more attractive to the baby and occupy an increasingly larger place in life. Nowadays, children consciously prefer to play with another child rather than with an adult or alone. The main content of children's communication in the middle of preschool age becomes a common cause - play. If younger children played nearby, but not together, if the attention and complicity of a peer was important to them, then during business communication preschoolers learn to coordinate their actions with the actions of their partner and achieve a common result. This kind of interaction is called cooperation. At this age it prevails in children’s communication. If children after 4 years of age do not know how to play together and their communication is limited only to fussing and running around, this is a clear sign of their lagging behind in social development. At this age, children need cooperation and meaningful communication - that is, play.
At this stage, the need for recognition and respect from a peer is no less clearly manifested. The child strives to attract the attention of others, sensitively catches signs of attitude toward himself in their glances and facial expressions, and demonstrates resentment in response to inattention or reproaches from partners. The “invisibility” of a peer turns into close interest in everything that he does. At the age of four or five, children closely and jealously observe the actions of their peers and evaluate them: they often ask adults about the successes of their comrades, demonstrate their advantages, and try to hide their mistakes and failures from their peers. A competitive element appears in children's communication. Children closely and jealously observe and evaluate the actions of their peers. Children's reactions to an adult's opinion also become more acute and emotional. The successes of peers can cause grief in children, but their failures cause undisguised joy. It is at this age that the number of children's conflicts increases significantly, envy, jealousy, and resentment towards peers are openly manifested.
A preschooler forms an opinion about himself, constantly comparing himself with peers. But now the purpose of this comparison is no longer to discover commonality (as with three-year-olds), but to contrast oneself with another. Through comparison with peers, the child evaluates and affirms himself as the owner of certain advantages that can be appreciated by others. For a four- to five-year-old child, peers become “surroundings.” All this gives rise to numerous conflicts among children and such phenomena as boasting, ostentatious actions, and rivalry, which can be considered as age-related characteristics of five-year-olds.
A way to help a child of middle preschool age communicate normally with peers is playing together. Children who know how and love to play will definitely learn to establish contacts with partners, distribute roles, and create a play situation. Teach your child to play together (preferably role-playing), help children come up with an interesting plot - and a good common game will become more important for them than praise or their own successes.
Senior preschool age
By the age of 6-7 years, children’s attitude towards their peers changes significantly again. At this time, the child is capable of extra-situational communication, which has nothing to do with what is happening here and now. Children tell each other about where they have been and what they have seen, share their plans or preferences, and evaluate the qualities and actions of other children. At this age, it is already possible for them to communicate in the usual sense of the word for us, that is, not related to games and toys. Children can simply talk for a long time (which they could not do in early preschool age), without performing any practical actions.
The relationship between them is also changing significantly. By the age of 6, the child’s friendliness and emotional involvement in the activities and experiences of peers increases significantly. Often older preschoolers carefully observe the actions of their peers and are emotionally involved in them. Quite often, even contrary to the rules of the game, they strive to help their peers and tell them the right move. If four- to five-year-old children, following an adult, willingly condemn the actions of their peers, then six-year-olds, on the contrary, defend a friend or can even support his “resistance” to an adult. At the same time, the competitive element in children’s communication remains intact. However, along with this, older preschoolers acquire the ability to see in a partner not only his toys, mistakes or successes, but also his desires, preferences, and moods. Children of this age not only talk about themselves, but also ask their peers questions: they are interested in what he wants to do, what he likes, where he has been, what he has seen. These naive questions reflect the emergence of a selfless, personal attitude towards another person. By the age of six, many children have a desire to help a peer, give or give him something. Schadenfreude, envy, and competitiveness appear less often and not as acutely as at the age of five. Sometimes children are already able to empathize with both the successes and failures of their peers. Such emotional involvement in the actions of one-year-olds indicates that peers become for the child not only a means of self-affirmation and comparison with oneself, not only preferred partners. Interest in a peer as a valuable personality in itself, important and interesting, regardless of her achievements and the subjects she possesses, comes to the fore.
Parents, of course, should support their children’s attitude towards their peers, teach them by personal example how to care for others and take their children’s affections seriously.
By the end of preschool age, stable selective attachments arise between children, and the first shoots of friendship appear. Preschoolers gather in small groups (2-3 people) and show a clear preference for their friends. Disputes and problems arise mainly in connection with “who is friends with whom,” or “hangs out with whom.” The child may seriously experience the lack of reciprocity in such relationships. Psychological help from parents in this case is very important. A child needs to share his troubles with someone, express his grievances. The serious and sympathetic attitude of close adults, their advice and support will help the child survive these first experiences and find friends. Moreover, children quarrel and make up very easily and, as a rule, quickly forget grievances.
This is, in general terms, the age-related logic of the development of attitudes towards peers in preschool age. However, it is not always realized in the development of specific children. It is widely known that there are significant individual differences in a child’s attitude towards his peers, which largely determine his well-being, position among others and, ultimately, the characteristics of his personality development.
Peculiarities of relationships between adolescents and peers
If adults determine the relationships of younger schoolchildren through the organization of educational activities, then in adolescence the adult’s personality becomes less significant for the teenager. Contacts with peers become closer.
For mental development, in terms of its significance, adolescents develop two different systems of relationships. One system is intended for adults, the other for peers. Both systems continue their formation in the middle grades of school, fulfilling a common socializing role. Quite often, these systems conflict in content and in the norms governing them. In a short period of adolescence, a child goes a long way in his development through internal conflicts with himself and with others, through breakdowns and ascents, gaining a sense of personality.
In the interpersonal interaction of adolescents, three forms are distinguished:
- intimate and personal communication,
- spontaneous group communication,
- socially oriented communication.
Isolated peer groups are more stable and relationships within them begin to obey strict rules. Such groups attract teenagers because they have the opportunity, without fear of anyone, to openly discuss existing problems, while being, at the same time, in equal conditions with their comrades.
Provided there is a commonality of values, intimate and personal communication arises, the highest form of which is friendship and love.
Spontaneous group communication is based on random contacts and will dominate if there is no socially useful activity. This type of communication leads to the creation of informal groups where communication can acquire aggressiveness, cruelty, anxiety, isolation, etc.
The basis of socially oriented communication is the joint implementation of important public affairs. Episodic contacts of adolescents do not deeply affect the personality and satisfy only momentary interests and needs.
Partnerships promote the exchange of knowledge, skills, and abilities and provide an opportunity to resolve a number of issues of an emotional and personal nature.
From about 6th grade, teenagers move into the second half of adolescence, and communication becomes an independent activity. Communication with peers takes a lot of time, the teenager shows a desire to live the life of a group, which is a characteristic feature of this age.
The teenager perceives the breakup of personal relationships as a drama and, in order to win the attention of his comrades, he does everything possible, because relationships with them come first. The basis of the relationship is the “code of partnership,” which includes respect for a person’s personal dignity, equality, honesty, decency, and willingness to help.
In groups of teenage peers, behavior such as selfishness, breaking one’s word, arrogance, desire to command, greed, etc. is rejected and condemned. Those who violate the “code” are boycotted and are not allowed to take part in interesting activities. In groups, as a rule, there is a leader, whose friendship is very valuable for a teenager. Similar interests are an important factor in bringing teenagers together.
Adolescence ends with the need to have a close friend, moral requirements appear - mutual frankness, responsiveness, sensitivity, the ability to keep a secret. The most important personal acquisition of this age is mastery of moral standards. There is an interest in girls, a desire to be liked, and attention to one’s appearance and behavior. True, this interest still has an unusual external expression, for example, boys bully girls, they, in turn, complain, but both of them enjoy it. Later, the nature of the relationship changes, shyness and timidity, feigned indifference appear.
In relationships with peers, adolescents give preference to intellectual and moral qualities, attitude towards people, strong-willed, business qualities, and external characteristics. In groups that unite older adolescents, relationships become more complex in form and content in meeting existing needs.
In adolescence, interpersonal relationships determine the individual’s resistance to the negative influences of the surrounding world and his personal self-actualization. The teenager becomes aware and conquers his place in social relationships and interactions.
Article:
Relationships with other people begin and develop most intensively in childhood.
Moreover, the main space for the birth of such relationships is the sphere of communication with equals - with peers. Research shows that by the end of preschool age, a more or less specific type of relationship with peers develops, which either ensures normal communication and cooperation, or leads to difficulties in communication and frequent conflicts with other children. Problems and conflicts between children give rise to difficult experiences (resentment, hostility, envy, anger, etc.). Such childhood experiences can later become a source of serious interpersonal and internal problems for an adult. All this prompts us to consider the development of children’s relationships in preschool childhood.
Parents and educators are sometimes unaware of the wide range of feelings that their children experience and, naturally, do not attach much importance to children's friendships, quarrels, and insults. Meanwhile, the experience of first relationships with peers is the foundation on which the further development of the child’s personality is built. This first experience largely determines the nature of a person’s attitude towards himself, others, and the world as a whole. This experience does not always go well. Many children, already in preschool age, develop and consolidate a negative attitude towards others, which can have very sad long-term consequences. Identifying problematic forms of interpersonal relationships in a timely manner and helping a child overcome them is the most important task of a teacher and psychologist.
Such psychological and pedagogical assistance should be based on an understanding of the psychological reasons underlying certain problems in children’s interpersonal relationships. Internal causes that cause a child’s persistent and often repeated conflict with peers lead to his objective or subjective isolation, to a feeling of loneliness, which is one of the most difficult and destructive human experiences. To timely identify a child’s conflicts, not only psychological observation and mastery of diagnostic techniques are required, but also knowledge of the psychological nature of the main problematic forms of interpersonal relationships.
In this part of the manual, the most typical options for preschoolers in a child’s conflictual relationships with peers will be considered (increased aggressiveness, touchiness, shyness and demonstrativeness of preschoolers). Based on special psychological research, the behavioral picture of these problematic forms and the psychological characteristics of children with difficulties in interpersonal relationships will be examined.
Aggressive children
Increased aggressiveness of children is one of the most common problems in children's groups, worrying not only teachers, but also parents. Some form of aggression is typical for most preschoolers. Almost all children quarrel, fight, call names, etc. Usually, with the assimilation of rules and norms of behavior, these direct manifestations of children's aggressiveness give way to prosocial forms of behavior. However, in a certain category of children, aggression not only persists, but also develops, transforming into a stable personality quality. As a result, the child’s productive potential is reduced, opportunities for meaningful communication are narrowed, and his personal development is deformed. An aggressive child brings a lot of problems not only to others, but also to himself.
It is generally accepted that aggressive children are distinguished by their inability to play and lack of gaming skills. Indeed, among aggressive preschoolers there are more children who cannot play, and fewer who have reached the highest level of play development. However, some aggressive children have well-developed play activities and can organize interesting games. Therefore, the level of development of gaming activity, like the level of development of intelligence, cannot be considered the main cause of aggressive behavior.
There is an opinion that aggressive children are characterized by inadequate self-esteem - overestimated or underestimated. However, special studies show that the average level of self-esteem of aggressive children does not distinguish them much from other preschoolers. At the same time, despite minor differences in the average self-esteem, it turned out that aggressive children have more significant discrepancies between their self-esteem and the expected assessment from their peers: having a fairly high self-esteem, these children clearly doubt the positive attitude towards them from their peers. This fact may indicate that these children experience their “underestimation” and lack of recognition of their merits by their peers more acutely and intensely. It is characteristic that these experiences, as a rule, do not correspond to reality. In terms of their social status in the peer group, aggressive children differ little from others: among them there are those preferred and rejected by their peers. Consequently, these difficult experiences are caused not by the child’s actual position in the children’s group, but by his subjective perception of his attitude towards himself. It seems to such a child that he is not valued, that his merits are not seen.
Touchy kids
Among all problematic forms of interpersonal relationships, such a difficult experience as resentment towards others occupies a special place. Touchiness poisons the life of both the person himself and his loved ones. Coping with this painful reaction is not easy. Unforgiven grievances destroy friendships, lead to the accumulation of both obvious and hidden conflicts with other people, and ultimately deform a person’s personality.
In general terms, resentment can be understood as a person’s painful experience of being ignored or rejected by other people. This experience is directed towards a specific other. The phenomenon of resentment arises already in preschool age. Young children (up to 3–4 years old) may be upset because of a negative assessment from an adult and complain about their peers, but all these forms of child resentment are immediate, situational in nature - children do not get stuck on these experiences and quickly forget them. The phenomenon of resentment begins to manifest itself in its entirety after the age of 5, which is associated with the emergence of the need for recognition and respect - first from an adult, and then from a peer. It is at this age that the main object of grievance begins to be a peer, and not an adult. Resentment towards another manifests itself in cases when a child acutely experiences the infringement of his “I”, his lack of recognition. These situations include the following:
• ignoring partners, insufficient attention on their part (for example, the child is not invited to play or is not given the desired role);
• denial of something needed and desired (they do not give a promised toy, they refuse a treat or a gift);
• disrespectful attitude from others (name calling, teasing);
• success and superiority of others, lack of praise.
In all these cases, the child feels rejected and disadvantaged. However, in the same situation of interpersonal interaction, anger and aggression, or maybe resentment, can manifest themselves. Aggressive reactions are not specific to grievances. In a state of resentment, the child does not show direct or indirect physical aggression (he does not fight, does not attack the offender, does not take revenge on him). The manifestation of resentment is characterized by an emphasized demonstration of one’s “offense.” The offended person with all his behavior shows the offender that he is to blame and he should ask for forgiveness or somehow improve. He turns away, stops talking, and demonstratively shows his “suffering.”
The behavior of children in a state of resentment has an interesting and paradoxical feature. On the one hand, this behavior is clearly demonstrative in nature and is aimed at attracting attention to oneself. On the other hand, children refuse to communicate with the offender: they remain silent, turn away, and go away. Refusal to communicate is used as a means of attracting attention to oneself and a way of inducing feelings of guilt and remorse in the one who offended. This demonstration of one’s feelings and emphasizing the guilt of the offender is specific to this phenomenon and clearly distinguishes it from aggressive forms of behavior.
To one degree or another, every person experiences a feeling of resentment. However, everyone's threshold for sensitivity is different. In the same situations (for example, in a situation of success of another or loss in a game), some children feel wounded and offended, others do not experience such experiences.
An inadequate reason for showing resentment is when the partner does not demonstrate disrespect or rejection of the other. In this case, a person reacts not to the real attitude of another, but to his own unjustified expectations, to what he himself attributes to others.
Resentful children perceive the successes of others as their own humiliation and ignorance of themselves, and therefore experience and demonstrate resentment. Praise, and even more so admiration for others, turns out to be so unbearable for a touchy child that he cannot do anything at all. Such a child is capable of showing strong negative emotions: depression, helplessness, and may even cry.
The inadequacy of the source of resentment is the criterion by which one should distinguish between resentment as a natural and inevitable human reaction and resentment as a stable and destructive personality trait. A natural consequence of this trait is an increased frequency of manifestations of resentment. Those who are often offended are called touchy. Such people constantly see neglect and disrespect for themselves in others, and therefore they have a lot of reasons for being offended.
Shy kids
Shyness is one of the most common and most difficult interpersonal relationship problems. It is known that shyness gives rise to a number of significant difficulties in people’s communication. Among them are such as the problem of meeting new people, negative emotional states during communication, difficulties in expressing one’s opinion, excessive restraint, inept self-presentation, stiffness in the presence of other people, etc.
The origin of this feature, like most other internal psychological problems of a person, is rooted in childhood. Observations have shown that shyness appears in many children as early as 3-4 years of age and persists throughout preschool childhood. Almost all children who behaved shyly at 3 years old retained this quality until they were 7 years old. At the same time, the severity of shyness undergoes changes throughout the preschool period. It manifests itself weakest in early preschool age, increases sharply at the 5th year of life and decreases by 7 years. At the same time, at the 5th year of life, increased shyness takes on the character of an age-related phenomenon. The severity of shyness here is obviously associated with the emergence of a new need for the child’s communication - for recognition and respect from other people. Although shy children are usually not considered conflict-prone, such children experience quite an acute internal conflict, which in many ways complicates and darkens their lives. Therefore, it is very important to recognize this trait in time and stop its excessive development.
Shy children will experience particular timidity and embarrassment when they are offered an activity that is known to be disapproved of by adults. Playing the role of captain, they freeze in place, barely move their lips, trying to pronounce the right words, and look at the adult with embarrassment and guilt. If ordinary, unshy children enthusiastically accept the role of captain of the ship, try their best to shout out the noise of the waves and calm the elements, then shy children refuse this role or whisper something under their breath.
Shy children's attitude towards themselves is characterized by a high degree of fixation on their personality in any type of interaction and on self-evaluation. Everything he does is constantly judged by the eyes of others, who, from his point of view, question his worth as a person. Increased anxiety about one’s self often obscures the content of joint activities and communication. The motives of recognition and respect are always the main ones for him; they overshadow both cognitive and business motives, which prevents the realization of abilities and adequate communication with others. In communication with close people, where the nature of the attitude of adults is clear to the child, anxiety recedes; in communication with strangers it comes to the fore, provoking defensive forms of behavior that manifest themselves in “withdrawal” and sometimes in the adoption of a “mask of indifference.” The painful experience of his vulnerability fetters the child, does not give him the opportunity to demonstrate sometimes very good abilities, to express his experiences. But in situations when a child stops waiting for the assessment of others, he becomes as open and sociable as his unshy peers.
Demonstrative children
All children love to brag and demonstrate their strengths. However, demonstrativeness often develops into a stable personality trait. The main motive for a child’s behavior is the praise of others, with the help of which he satisfies his own need for self-affirmation. Even when performing a kind deed, a child does it not for the sake of another, but in order to demonstrate his own kindness to others (a special form of “ostentatious altruism”). Demonstrativeness can manifest itself not only in the desire to show one’s own merits and achievements. Possessing attractive objects is also a traditional form of self-display. Thus, having received a beautiful toy as a gift, children often take it to kindergarten not to play with others, but to show it off and show it off.
Demonstrative children are distinguished by the desire to attract attention to themselves in any possible way. Such children, as a rule, are quite active in communication, but in most cases they do not experience real interest in their partner. They talk mainly about themselves, show off their toys, and use the interaction situation as a means of attracting the attention of adults or peers. Moreover, methods of attracting attention can be both prosocial behavior and actions expressing aggression.
If demonstrative children share with a peer, they comment on their action and turn to an adult for support. For example: “I’ll give Katya candy, because good children always share with those who didn’t get it.” In the absence of an adult, the same child does not even think about sharing with a partner, despite his requests. Thus, a pronounced formalism is observed in the prosocial behavior of demonstrative children. For them, it is much more important to comply with the external picture of approved behavior than to actually help a peer.
Demonstrative behavior reflects a certain orientation of the personality, its internal motives.
Demonstrative children show a keen interest in the actions of their peers: they make remarks and comments, but their involvement is clearly evaluative. For example: “No, you’re doing it wrong, look how you should.”
A pronounced competitive orientation is manifested in the fact that the child tries with all his might to devalue the activities of his peer. He is trying to prove that if he were his peer, he would have done a much better job. So, Nastya D., as soon as the adult gave the task to her partner, began to be loudly indignant: “Why did they tell Nikita to do it? He doesn’t know how and behaved badly in quiet times. The teacher scolded him. It’s possible, I’ll do better, please.” At the same time, she continuously watched Nikita’s actions and tried to insert elements into his mosaic herself.
Competitiveness is also manifested in the child’s reactions to the successes and failures of his peers. When an adult gives a negative assessment to the actions of a peer, a demonstrative child enthusiastically supports him. In response to an adult’s praise, the child, on the contrary, begins to object.
It can be noted that ideas about their own merits and abilities of demonstrative children need constant reinforcement through comparison with someone else. These children have a pronounced need for another child, with whom they can evaluate and affirm themselves. This is manifested in the nature of the statements: their strong competitiveness and strong orientation towards the assessment of others.
Unlike other problematic forms of interpersonal relationships (such as aggressiveness or shyness), demonstrativeness is often not considered a negative and problematic quality. Moreover, at present, some features inherent in demonstrative children, on the contrary, are socially approved: perseverance, healthy egoism, the ability to achieve one’s own, the desire for recognition, ambition are considered the key to a successful life position. However, this does not take into account that opposing oneself to another, the painful need for recognition and self-affirmation are the shaky foundation of psychological comfort and motivation for certain actions.
The insatiable need for praise and superiority over others becomes the main motive for all actions and deeds. Such a person is constantly afraid of being worse than others, which gives rise to anxiety and self-doubt, which is compensated by boasting and emphasizing one’s advantages. A position based on self-acceptance and a lack of competitive attitude towards others turns out to be much stronger. That is why it is important to identify manifestations of demonstrativeness in time and help the child overcome it.
The need for communication in adolescence
Definition 1
Friendly relationships are a strong connection between subjects, which is based on emotional attachment, reciprocity, and awareness of one’s obligations to a partner.
People always come into personal, emotionally rich contact with each other, the basis of which is the need for communication. This need arises in the early stages of a person’s life. A number of psychologists connect this need with all other human manifestations and consider it innate.
The need for communication arises and manifests itself in the very first months of a child’s life. This need gradually forces the child to seek emotional contact, both with adults and with peers. Over time, the need for communication deepens in form and content. Once in a peer group, a child’s individual development can no longer be considered outside of relationships with other members of the group.
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The foundations of a person’s moral qualities are laid on the basis of experience in communicating with peers. A study carried out in line with sociometry shows that there are complex relationships between children, bearing the imprint of real social dependencies.
If in preschoolers the need for communication becomes selective and stable every year, friendship arises, the desire to occupy a certain position in the structure of the team, in the system of personal relationships, then in adolescents these tendencies are much more acute.
Dragunova T.V. believes that the communication of adolescents with close friends is identified as a special activity of the adolescent, which exists as an independent activity and can be called the activity of communication. On the one hand, this activity exists in the form of some kind of actions in relation to each other, and on the other hand, it is a form of thinking about the actions of a friend.
The basis of relationships in a group is the need for communication, but it is satisfied differently by different children, and undergoes profound changes with age. For each person in the group, their own communication situation arises, their own unique microenvironment, where each group member occupies a special position, both in the system of personal and in the system of business relationships. Personal relationships between group members become the basis for the formation of small groups.
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