It all starts with an increased sense of responsibility
Is it bad to be a person responsible for your actions and words?
On the contrary, it's wonderful. Responsibility is an indicator of true, not passport adulthood. It is necessary - that means it is necessary! Said - done. These people make up a golden fund of irreplaceable professionals and inspired family men. Working with such a person is calm and reliable: he will always do everything on time, and he will also lend a shoulder to others. He’d rather not sleep an extra hour, but his home shop won’t let him down!
A person with a heightened sense of responsibility will clearly not turn family life into a dump: his conscience will torture him! He will bring potatoes from the market in two hands, so that his relatives will not be deprived. He won’t go out with friends, even though he’s been planning to do it since winter, because there’s no one to sit with his cousin’s son.
And, if this abstract person is also distinguished by great patience and a balanced disposition, those around him will enjoy it! You don’t have to worry about the outcome of the case at all! Everything will be on top. Because a super-responsible comrade will work for himself and for that guy. But is it easy for him?
Psychasthenic - who is it? What kind of person?
The responsibility of awareness. Who to interact with on subtle levels?
As you develop, new opportunities open up for you in accordance with the abilities developed in this life or activated from past incarnations .
You may find that you manage to reach higher planes, you draw knowledge from somewhere, information comes to you, or you have meetings with incorporeal beings in meditation, practice , or even in everyday life, you feel an invisible presence.
Your responsibility at this stage is to understand and be aware of what is happening.
What are your abilities? Are you a medium, channeler, carmologist, healer?
What value can you bring to the world with them?
What levels can you interact with, and how effectively?
What else do you need to learn and in what direction to develop?
If the level of development of your abilities is good enough and you consciously contact the higher planes , then at some point you may find that you have the opportunity to interact with several diverse Beings or groups of Beings.
And it is also your responsibility to choose, if such a choice is given, which of the Higher Ones to cooperate with.
Are you carrying your own burden?
Who doesn’t know the Russian proverb “You can’t carry your own burden,” which has analogues in other languages.
There is hardly much positive in a burden that pulls on your shoulders and slows down your movement. But if you carry it because it is yours, you or your loved ones need it, like air, like sunlight, like breath, the burden automatically becomes weightless. And it becomes joyful to carry, within one’s strength. And if it’s sad and difficult, maybe you got excited and took on something that doesn’t belong to you, and too much at that?
Human Cruelty in Psychology
Where do the limits of hyper-responsibility end?
Trying to live their lives for others is a thankless and useless task.
You will not be able to get your over-aged offspring off the couch and find a well-paid job if all his body movements are limited to lazy switching of TV channels. You are exhausted by worrying about your adult daughter, who is dating a married man, but she seems to be happy with everything. Yes, it is painful and offensive, but this is her life. You understand that the husband with his talents clearly should have received the position of head of the department, but it happened differently, and he does not protest.
And what can you change? At best, cause a scandal, and even then not to the boss. Yes, parents are getting old, and the feeling of guilt for what was said and not done strangles them with a prickly scarf so that it is impossible to simply fall asleep peacefully. Maybe these nightly vigils will somehow reduce anxiety?
Hardly! But to earn insomnia twice or twice. And the weather on the eve of the weekend so unexpectedly spoiled plans, so everyone is gloomy. But you're not happy either? Why do you think you should take on the role of house clown?
5 Main Reasons Why Men Strive to Look Worse Than They Really Are
Comes from childhood
Responsibility is taught from childhood...
Where did this debilitating desire to be responsible for the fact that “the sun rises and sets” come from? It's different for everyone. But I will not be mistaken if I say that usually even in childhood, fueled by the ambitious desires of the parents, the child strives to be correct and responsible, doing everything “from start to finish.”
For some, family circumstances have placed a heavy burden on their backs - being a parent to their infantile fathers and mothers. So the poor little fellow had to reconcile his noisy “children,” admonish, listen, feel sorry for him and grow up beyond his years. You never know what difficult life stories there were? Yes, only childhood has passed, but the need to drag the Universe on oneself with all one’s strength remains.
Philanthropist - helping for profit or a character trait?
Awareness of responsibility for your feelings
Author of the article N.V. Zhutikova
People have different levels of awareness of their responsibility. Those who have it higher quickly perceive the principle “Do no harm!” But in most cases we have to look for approaches to another level of responsibility.
A. As a “bridge” to a new level of responsibility, you can use the most pressing personal problems that many people have in the field of communication. It is necessary for a person to at least once feel the joy of victory over the elements of communication, the joy of mastering the situation through the inclusion of conscious control, first of all, over his behavior.
For example, for many, the current problem is how to prevent another domestic quarrel or another family scandal. Since everyone's situation is different, it is impossible to give a universal recipe for all cases. Moreover, if a person learns to consciously regulate his relationships, then it will be of little use to him to mindlessly follow ready-made recipes. He needs knowledge of psychological patterns. And therefore we can offer the following information.
1. In quarrels and scandals, no one can ever prove anything. (“Can you really prove anything to him?!” - this applies equally to each participant in the quarrel). Reason: negative emotional impact blocks the ability to accept, agree, take into account, understand, i.e. we block the work of thought. 3 begins, and there is no need to try to prove something to a person who is in a state of negative emotional arousal.
2. To begin with, it is necessary that at least one of the participants in the quarrel understands the above. If a person has mastered this, then it is easier for him to develop in himself a refusal to quarrel, that is, to consciously form in himself an attitude towards stubborn, persistent refusal. If a person is able to realize this refusal and does not allow himself to be drawn into a quarrel, he will experience the joy of victory over chaos, the joy of a sense of self-control. So it's achievable! Just don't let it happen.
3. All scandals have a very tense tone. Negative emotional arousal quickly takes over both participants if neither of them is inclined to stop the conflict. The mutual reactions of the participants in such a “dialogue” only add fuel to the fire. Negative emotional arousal in one person can never reduce the same arousal in another, they only mutually reinforce each other. To extinguish negative emotional arousal, it is necessary to stop reinforcing it. As they say, “he who is smarter will be the first to shut up.” As soon as one of the two gets out of the conflict and shuts up, the scandal may end.
4. It will stop if silence ignores the very fact of the quarrel, the very negative arousal of the partner, as if none of this happened! But if silence is tinged with mockery, gloating and defiance, it can act like a red rag to a bull... Silence should not be offensive to a partner.
5. You can stop the quarrel by calmly leaving the room. But if you slam the door or say something offensive before leaving, you can cause an emotion of terrible destructive force. We know of tragic cases caused precisely by the offensive word “towards the end” (“If only my top!”).
6. If your partner is inclined to view your refusal to quarrel as capitulation, it is better not to refute this.
That is, the position of the one who refused to quarrel should completely exclude anything offensive or offensive to the partner, so that nothing reinforces his negative emotional arousal. The winner is not the one who leaves behind the last striking attack, but the one who manages to stop the scandal and prevent it from happening. How else can we teach children to maintain peace?
B. Children adopt our attitude towards quarrels and scandals. And to peace. War can only be defeated by renunciation of war. It is necessary to teach children to refuse ccop. And this is achieved, first of all, by the power of adults’ own example.
1. Children respect strength. They tend to feel both strength and weakness. They are difficult to mislead. The hysterical behavior of elders, indignant cries, dramatized monologues and threats - all this belittles them in the perception of children, makes them unpleasant, but not strong (just like ingratiation and cajoling: children benefit from them, but for this they are completely denied respect) .
2. Nothing conveys a sense of personal strength like calm, calm friendliness. It can become a shield for an adult, with which he protects himself from negative emotional influence from a teenager (child), and a weapon of influence on him.
3. Right behavior can only be brought about by right behavior. All methods of behavioral reactions and forms of behavior of children are conditioned and transmitted by the behavior of adults.
Adolescents with abnormal behavior are often admitted to the children's department of our dispensary. When I need to conduct a psychological examination, I myself go to the department to pick up my subject. If he was admitted recently, then most often the first meeting with him is unpleasant: he is usually prone to obscenity, grimaces and wobbles, offends juniors, and is rude to orderlies and nurses. When he is called out, caught in a very unseemly activity, he does not express any embarrassment, but is ready for an aggressive defense. I can clearly see all this, but I ignore all these manifestations. Addressing him as if he were a very respected person, I ask ordinary questions: “What is your last name?.. First name?.. How old are you?.. Only fourteen? In that case, do you mind if I call you “you”?”
By this time, all his usual methods of self-expression are “hanging in the air” - they remain “unnoticed” by me, do not receive reinforcement, since I do not react at all even to his outright rudeness - I let them fall on deaf ears. Moreover, the stubborn politeness of the elder is completely unusual for him and causes confusion and confusion. While he and I are walking along our corridors and stairs to the office, he no longer grimaces...
During the “classes” he is enveloped in the correct manifestation of my sincere benevolence with a touch of respect. When he doesn’t cope with a task well enough, he feels embarrassed, his eyes begin to “run,” and his lips and cheeks become heavier. Sometimes he smiles wryly... A calm business remark is perceived by him with noticeable relief...
For two hours, for the first time in his life! — I felt like I was also a human being next to an adult! The atmosphere of calm friendliness disarmed him, deprived him of the need to assert himself in his usual ways, since he was already the object of attention. Respectful! When I accompany him to the department, he asks: “Are we still going to study?” His facial expressions and intonations do not at all resemble the “brat” that I saw him two hours ago, and he wants to come again. Of course, two hours of communication in correct tones does not ensure the durability of the newly acquired new forms of behavior, especially if the child returns to the same environment from which he was taken. But when, two or three days later, I come after him again and see him participating in an ugly fuss, he blushes! He really wants me not to see this! He ashamed! And I “don’t see”...
From the experience of many years of communicating with children and adolescents, I know that calmness and self-control are the most reliable shield for our well-being and dignity. And correct, that is, benevolent and respectful, treatment of the younger one is the “scaffolding” that protects and straightens his psyche. (I remind you that antisocial, illegal behavior of adolescents requires a special strategy of influence, which is not within the competence of the author.)
Q. There are people with increased excitability who very easily enter into conflict and cannot stop. It is more difficult for them than others to develop self-control, but it is possible. You can’t “give up” on such people. Even those whose character pathology is undeniable are not exempt from responsibility by law; they are fully capable and sane, i.e., conscious self-control is also available to them. But bringing them to it requires more time and patience.
To varying degrees, but each character is accessible to targeted influence. But how to influence?
1. If a person constantly points out the negative aspects of his character and reproaches him with them, this does not help, but only hinders the development of his self-control and self-correction. A reminder of the negative sides of character usually evokes them, provokes their manifestation - such is the power of words! This means that in order for unbalanced and conflict-prone people to express themselves in a more favorable way, they must be treated correctly, with calm benevolence, with an expression of peaceful but persuasive strength. A long stay in this mode of communication helps to acquire favorable behavioral experience, i.e., the correct forms of behavior.
The merit is not in making a person angry, but in helping him gain a sense of self-respect. (Even mentally ill people - with pronounced disorders of thinking, emotional-volitional sphere and pathology of motive - can behave quite correctly in conditions of correct treatment!)
2. For the development of conscious regulation in people with increased excitability and easily wounded, the motive of self-defense is most suitable as a “bridge”. This motive can also be used in the approach to those who still have a low level of responsibility. It is necessary that they be offered this work on themselves by a person who already has some influence on these people, who has already aroused in them reciprocal goodwill and trust by his standards of treatment. It is very difficult for them to take a position”: “Do no harm!” - they have an increased tendency to react emotionally, their emotional dependence is more pronounced. They are affected by too many things. “They beat me, it hurts me, but I also say “do no harm!” — they find the very proposal of this position offensive. So we can invite them to learn how to protect themselves from harmful emotional influences.
Both the above and the following may be used as information.
a) There are two types of conscious self-control: recording control and regulatory control.
Registration control is expressed in the fact that a person, seeing and hearing everything that happens around him, simultaneously notes his own actions, “registers” and fixes them in his memory. This is the basis of the ability to “give an account of one’s actions” (legal formulation).
Regulatory control is expressed in a person’s ability to direct his actions, to subordinate his actions to his idea of how to behave in accordance with the law and moral requirements. From the age of 14, a person is already charged with the responsibility not only to account for his actions, but also to manage them. At any age, starting from 14 years old, a person is obliged by law to remember his responsibility, and therefore to develop his conscious regulatory self-control.
b) When a person’s emotional tension increases in stressful (especially tense) situations, the ability to consciously self-control may decrease. It becomes more difficult for a person to manage himself, that is, the regulatory function of conscious self-control decreases. At the same time, the recording function can be preserved: all the circumstances of the situation, the sequence of events and one’s own actions are stored in memory, sometimes in the smallest detail, and sometimes in a somewhat erased, fragmented form.
Since nothing frees a capable person from responsibility for his actions, it is necessary to strengthen and develop the ability for regulatory, conscious self-control.
c) To do this, you must first take care of it, want it, strengthen your conscious attitude toward it.
One of our patients (from the neurosis department) came up with this method: he wrote the word “Self-control!!!” in bright letters on a piece of thick paper. and placed it next to the mirror in front of which I shaved in the morning. He updated this piece of paper every week, varying the reminder, depending on the breakdowns he noticed and the next problems: “Remember: on Friday on the carpet in front of the main one - you can see and hear!”; “In dialogue, look at yourself from the outside!”; “Don’t rush to react!”; “Put on the brake!”; “Hold the break!” and etc.
d) The thought of psychological “benefit”, the advantages that it provides, helps to strengthen this attitude (develop conscious self-control). It will help not only to avoid actions that are reprehensible and punishable. It will help maintain good health, self-esteem and give a joyful feeling of emotional freedom, independence from any situation, from any person. A person can at any time include protection from the effects of someone else’s irritation, resentment and even insult.
e) The “protection mechanism” itself is based on the following pattern: negative emotional arousal increases if it receives reinforcement. Reinforcement for him is the emotional response to precisely this negative emotional arousal. Without receiving reinforcement, it fades away.
This means that our attention should be directed to anything, but not to the emotional manifestations of the stressor. In order for attention not to be fixed on what hurts us, we need to consciously distribute it over many (as many as possible!) objects that fall into our field of vision.
Situations cannot be repeated exactly. But we can distinguish in them, as in a mini-play, a beginning, a climax and a denouement. And even a prologue: let’s say this is the news that you are being called somewhere where psychological difficulties and troubles usually await you. You can tell yourself: “This is not fatal! We’ll survive!” And you can sing the famous movie comedy: “We don’t care!..” - and try to clearly see all the objects that come into view on the way there. Usually the aggression of negative emotions uses our hearing more. Therefore, attention should be fixed not on auditory sensations, but on visually perceived objects. This is how we prepare a good “counterweight”, “lightning rod”. And along the way you need to think only about what is in front of your eyes, that is, you need to not just look with a superficial glance, you need to actively consider, see!
And here we are in front of the door - the same one... So what? A door is like a door. Here's a pen, here's a sign. Oh yes, the queue. Well, let's wait!.. You can look at the queue, the walls, the floor - anything! Don't have any ideas about what's to come! Don’t try to play out all sorts of scene options in advance. It is necessary to prepare activity primarily with visual attention. Before entering, do not linger, open the door without giving yourself a moment to hesitate. And right away! - See! - There! - As much as possible! And “His” (“Her”) too! Do not lower your eyes and head, this immediately makes us vulnerable. You need to see the face and eyes of our “stressor.” And when the dialogue begins, you need to continue to see: eyes, facial features, clothing, background, environment... The more objects are clearly visible, the less you will be affected by what usually affects you. And don't rush! A moderate pace in movements and speech is needed. No fuss!
This self-defense technique - through the development of active attention - can be learned by a person at any age.
Many years ago, I recommended it to an elderly teacher, L.F. She had a very difficult relationship with the school director, an active woman, but with hysterical forms of influence on “non-conforming” teachers. They hated each other: the director because L.F., due to her age, could not promptly respond to all the innovations in the school, and the teacher L.F. for constant offensive reproaches and humiliations.
When I tried to persuade L.F. to see in the director those human traits that really existed and deserved respect and participation, L.F. moved away aloofly: “Forgive me, but it’s difficult for me to discern in this fury those traits that whom you are talking about. Perhaps they exist, but I can’t see them because of her inhumanity!” But L.F. was smart, kind, and capable of selflessness...
Then I suggested that she defend herself in the manner indicated above. A few months later, L.F. reported that her relationship with the director had improved. At the very first meeting, she achieved a change in the very tone of communication. Subsequently, there was a breakdown when L.F. lost her “guard point,” that is, she stopped monitoring her attention. But then she regained control.
Vigilance, i.e. constant refreshing of your control, its renewal, is necessary!! Carelessness and complacency in this regard often lead to breakdowns.
This simple technique has been mastered by many people. All of them subsequently reported that the stressor would certainly react to a sudden change in behavior. Still would! Instead of signs of hostility and readiness for an outburst - before him is the embodiment of calm, silent attention! Moreover, consciously maintained calm is always a manifestation of fortitude and therefore gives a huge advantage to its owner. That is why it has great impact. But this is provided that silence and calmness are correct, that is, without signs of irony, mockery and hostility.
The pace of speech and movement also plays a significant role. To remove and prevent negative emotional arousal, you need a leisurely pace, collected, unobtrusive movements.
In dialogues, when the “stressor” reproaches, he can be disarmed by admitting that his reproach is fair. If there really was some reason on our part for a reproach or remark, then admitting our guilt disarms the accuser. The desire to protest any reproach, any remark or criticism certainly causes irritation in any leader, and even more so in a less restrained one.
What is the danger of hyper-responsibility?
It seems that hyper-responsible people are ready to solve all problems, except those that need to be tackled first and second.
These are situations and problems of one’s own life related to health, professional and personal development, mood and self-understanding. Refusal to realize one’s interests and needs is spiritual desertion, which will certainly make itself felt through treacherous illnesses and a feeling of inner emptiness.
One morning, looking in the mirror, you can just see the tired look of a stranger. And you will have nothing to say to him.
Responsibility to make a CHOICE. Should I communicate with the Higher Powers?
There are several options here:
Cooperation with the Armed Forces is your life's task.
You can choose to implement your task or not. Yes, this is also a choice. Based on it, your life will develop - everything according to your choice .
If you realize your goals, you may have to overcome a lot, face difficulties and challenges along the way, but you will be largely happy. In case of refusal - life with the flow, falling into the victim of circumstances instead of self-realization.
In your real life you do not have direct tasks of cooperation with the Higher Powers.
But there are abilities for this developed in other incarnations - in past lives you were already a healer or priest.
You can choose to realize your ability to cooperate with the Armed Forces and start doing this if it does not conflict with your main goals in life . In this case, you may feel more pressure, but significant support from the Higher Ones will also be present and manifest.
You don’t have developed just such abilities, but this topic is interesting to you and you are ready to invest.
You can choose to develop and develop your abilities in this direction and eventually come to such activity.
Difficult but important step
You need to understand that from time to time it is normal to experience difficulties, problems, and even the desire to “send everything to hell.”
There are not enough straws to protect our dear people from harm. And we are just people: ordinary mortals with a limited amount of time on earth. We don't have the gift of foresight. And even if he was, another person has the right to act in his own way just because he is different. The choice of loved ones can surprise, upset and even shock. But we must admit: they have the right to do so.
When we take responsibility for other people, we assume that they are not smart enough or experienced enough to solve their problem. But this can only happen in one case: if a person is not fully capable due to his young or old age, as well as due to some illnesses. If this is not the case, transfer responsibility for your life to their owners. Do not cultivate pride that whispers to you about omnipotence.
Just open up your heavy bag and start giving away what never belonged to you. Yes, there will be a storm of indignation, resentment and claims. You will be accused of selfishness and indifference. But you know for sure that helping a person take responsibility for his actions and even thoughts is love. By the way, this concerns you primarily.
Dagirova Lidiya Nov 12, 2020
Part 1
Cooperation with the Armed Forces is a great responsibility for a person. It should be understood that the life of such a person works according to its own rules, which are subordinated to higher goals. And if a person sets out on this path, then awareness and awareness on this topic can significantly simplify it.
Any cooperation involves joint activities of the parties, each of which has its own responsibilities and its own area of responsibility. The topic of cooperation with the Armed Forces is very subtle, and the boundaries of interaction are often quite blurred in human understanding, especially among beginners.
Let's look at what exactly are you responsible for when you set out on the path of cooperation with the Higher Powers ? Where is the area of manifestation of your strength and creativity?
