Class hour "The Art of Communication" class hour (grade 11)

I recently watched an online meeting with a talented and wise person and teacher Dima Zitser, “You can’t love to train.” When asked what to do with a child who puts everything in a basket in a supermarket, Dima replied: “Wasn’t it possible to discuss with the child in advance why you are going to the store? Decide what you will cook, what you need to buy for dad, mom, grandma, grandpa, brother or sister (what they love) and for the child himself?”

But really, you just need to talk to each other, explaining and coordinating your actions! It’s just a matter of talking correctly with a loved one, a colleague, a relative, an acquaintance, a neighbor - and those problems that worried us, wore us out, did not allow us to sleep (“Why did he say that?”, “How could she?”, “It was necessary to answer like that"), suddenly they turn out to be ghostly and disappear into thin air.

As psychologist Lyudmila Petranovskaya said, the ability to build communication with other people and convey to them meanings that are important to oneself is one of the components of emotional intelligence. And Stephen R. Covey. in the bestseller “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People,” he calls communication one of the most important skills in a person’s life.

What does communicating with people give?

The significant benefits of communication have long been beyond doubt from psychologists. A sociable person quickly achieves successful adaptation in society. Therefore, it is important to develop communication skills from childhood.

Psychology of communication

During verbal interaction with other people, new knowledge appears. It is possible that one conversation can influence a person’s opinion, change his views and motivate him to take certain actions.

During communications, new connections appear, including business and professional ones. There is a direct correlation between a high level of communication and career success.

A sociable person quickly achieves successful adaptation in society

Thanks to lively conversations, people find true friends with similar worldviews, behavior and interests. Talking to a friend improves your mood and gives you confidence. At the same time, objective criticism from the interlocutor provides an incentive for self-improvement.

The art of small-talk or small conversation

Light as the flight of a butterfly...©

About the art of Small-talk.

For those who have a lot of contact with people, “talking” of various kinds is an important part of business communication. The results of the timekeeping of executives show that their business communication consists of a chain of unrelated “small conversations”, question and answer sessions, 10-minute business discussions, jokes and attempts to influence. It is important to choose the topic of the conversation and take into account the emotional state of the interlocutors in order for the influence to be successful. But is it that easy? These and other important keys of the Small- talk technique will be discussed in the article.

Preface

Back in my student days, I was fascinated by one of my friend’s ability to communicate. In work and in ordinary communication, she always easily found a topic for an interesting conversation with any person - adults and children, work colleagues, friends and strangers. It was always somehow unusually easy and clear with her. Her ability to speak in those moments when you still don’t know what to say, with painful pauses, always inspired and gave support. The topics of conversation were relevant and interesting. And I really wanted to learn - just as easily and naturally, with some kind of inner nobility, respect and interest in people, and also with awareness of the moment - to communicate, speak, live... Subsequently, I realized that these are the important “keys” to what we now call the small talk technique and teach in our business communication trainings to managers, experts, salespeople, psychologists, executive assistants, in a word - all those for whom the art of conversation is an important professional and life skill.

They sat on the golden porch...

We live in a world in constant contact with people. Different - according to status, age, gender, degree of acquaintance, mutual sympathy and desire to communicate. In different situations. But there is one thing in common - we open up to the world of people - we present ourselves to the world and people. It turns out to be a kind of self-presentation. As in the children's rhyme: “On the golden porch sat: the king, the prince, the king, the prince, the shoemaker, the tailor - who will you be?” What do we emit around us? What message are we sending to the world “between the lines”? Does it help people around us? Does our personal “radiation” open the way to the next steps in communication – business, personal?

So what is small talk?

Small talk

- this is a small, relaxed conversation on a topic that is interesting and pleasant for the interlocutors, most often not related to the topics of “big” business conversations or discussions. This conversation seems to arise by chance, incidentally, perhaps from the impression of the present moment, in connection with events occurring “here and now” or with events connecting the interlocutors earlier.

Small talk

- it’s like talking “about nothing”, but there are important functions that it performs. In what cases is it used?

1. Of course this is an opportunity fill

   
   a pause
   that arises in anticipation of an event or meeting, for example: “How did you get there?” “Did you find us easily?” “It’s a little warmer here today, but how is it in your city?” But it is also an expression of attention to the interlocutor.

2. Generally speaking, this is the way exchange of information and mutual feelings.

   These are points of
   community, commonality, unifying.
   The criterion for a successful small-talk is mutual pleasure from communication, the desire to maintain relationships, and gratitude to the interlocutor for pleasantly spent minutes.

3. The small talk technique is a positive influence technique. She adds state resource

   to the interlocutor. (State resource means a person’s positive emotional state - confident and conscious). If you start a small conversation, touching on the expert zone of your interlocutor (i.e. the area of ​​knowledge, skills, interests of the interlocutor), then you show generosity towards him, because by coming into contact with his expert zone, the person becomes stronger and more confident, and, therefore, He also has positive feelings towards you.

4. This is the way maintain informal relationships

   with people in a team. “How did you go on vacation?”, “How is mom feeling?” or “I heard that you wrote a new article?” It's nice when your colleagues, acquaintances, and friends remember you. It seems like the conversation is “about nothing,” but you feel attention to yourself, recognition of your own value and significance. It's good when people take care of each other in a team. It's great when a leader does this. This improves the emotional atmosphere in the team and creates the prerequisites for mutual understanding in business matters.

5. During a break in a meeting or seminar in which you are participating, you canexchange opinions

   especially on questions that affected many participants
   :
   “How did you like this presentation?”, “Do you agree with the speaker’s statement...?” - this way you can even address strangers.

6. Experienced negotiators often use small talk at the beginning and breaks of serious negotiations. A conversation “about nothing” has the function of raising the “general tone” of negotiations ,
   reducing conflict and resistance
   of negotiators, and giving a break before resolving complex nuances. Probably, negotiations “without ties” or during a hunt/sauna are of the same nature.
7. This is the way switching and resting

   during negotiations. A simple conversation on an everyday topic helps to show the interlocutor that there is “nothing personal” between us, just business.

8. Often small talk plays a role intelligence.

   Whether by chance or intentionally, events develop in such a way that you and some important person are waiting for transport, for example, an airplane. And while you wait, you talk. So, skilled intelligence officers can learn a lot about a person in an hour or an hour and a half from simple and seemingly irrelevant conversations.

Kjell Nordström and Jonas Riddersträle's acclaimed book, Funky Business, argues that we live in a world in which approximately 70% of the cost of each new product is the intangible, intellectual part of it - creating the service, promoting it and selling it. Therefore, it is so important to create and maintain relationships with customers, partners, including simply human, informal ones. According to my observations, the best salespeople in any type of business are always brilliant communicators who also master the technique of “talking about nothing.” This skill will never hurt in work and personal life.

What and how to talk about?

An important thing in a small-talk topic is the choice of topic of conversation.

1. A small conversation should take place in the personal expert zone of the interlocutor, touching on pleasant, interesting aspects of life for him. Expert zone

   - an area in which a person is interested and in which he is, wants to be, or considers himself an expert. It is important. A highly qualified master of small talk will always talk to you about what interests you.

2. A person has topics in which he is a professional expert. But every person still has personal life, home, interests, hobbies

   . There is some special life experience. And it’s so nice to chat about something everyday.

   Read also:  What problems should you take your child to a psychologist for?
3. There are probably lovers of tourism, skiing, skating, scuba diving, yoga or tea ceremonies in your circle. People are passionate about growing violets and preparing delicious dishes, traveling, and taking photos and videos. Notice what people around you are most willing to talk about...
4. By the way, you will learn a lot of interesting things if you ask around your interlocutormore about his hobby

   . Of course, your questions should not be interrogative. Yes, and you should be truly interested - both the person himself and what he tells you about. If you follow the logic that “there are no uninteresting people,” then the only question is to find the “key” to a person’s expert zone. I remember the series about detective Columbo - truly a master of small talk! Unraveling the most mysterious crimes in his town, the detective comes into contact with the suspects, almost always starting from that same expert area in the style: “Mr. Jones, my wife has told me so much about your new store - she really likes that you can always buy a lot of necessary things...” Then the suspect began to talk about his favorite brainchild, and the cunning detective began to conduct his reconnaissance.

5. The beginning of a small conversation can be surprise or admiration for what a person owns - it could be something that belongs to him - a piece of clothing, a written article, some kind of skill. And in this case small talk goes well with a compliment.

   “I like the way you structure your notes – use colored pens, special fields. Is this some kind of special system? Or: “I think your organizer is very convenient. What company developed it? Your interlocutor will be pleased to hear such a businesslike compliment from you - after all, he has long been accustomed to his unusual skill or subject and does not value it so highly - you will receive your advance trust, and at the same time learn something useful.

6. A small conversation should be relevant, appropriate, and take into account
   the state of the interlocutors.
   A business partner from another city has arrived at your company. What to talk about? Obviously, it is useless to entertain a person with conversations about “nothing” before you ask him about how he got there, how he settled in the hotel, and whether he had time to have breakfast. If your guest was frozen at the airport due to a flight delay, and waited at the hotel until midnight for accommodation, and also did not have time to have breakfast, then, first of all, he needs real care and, at a minimum, sympathy.
7. In Smalltalk,
   of moods, the “music” of relationships,
   is important The point is that communication is not just facts or words. By communicating, we create a certain “pattern”, “music” of relationships. Are you familiar with the irritation that arises when you are in a hurry somewhere, rushing headlong, and at that moment a colleague stops you and slowly begins to tell his long story with details. And it doesn’t matter whether the story is interesting to you, you just don’t want to listen to it now. Or another example - you, overwhelmed with joy from a successful meeting, a successful purchase - come to a colleague, want to share, but he has a completely different emotion, he is sad or focused on his own affairs or he is not in the mood to communicate with you... Also a discrepancy . This means that if you want to communicate with him, you will first have to tune in to his emotional wave...
8. Generally speaking, it is very important to understand what state your partner is in. The first step to successful communication, if you want to start a conversation and not nip it in the bud, is to adapt to the mood of your interlocutor. When it comes to "small talk" or casual chatter, think about the "music" rather than the words. What is your interlocutor like - fast or slow? It is important to take into account and coordinate both the rhythms and emotional states of the interlocutors.
9. If you want to express your opinion, do not be categorical. Start not with categorical statements, but with expressing your feelings
   about
   : “It seemed to me that our investors were happy with the results of the advertising campaign...”, “I felt that now Natasha was doing much better...” Or with questions to the interlocutor, for example: “What do you think Nikonov’s statement about cutting the company’s budget means?”
10. Stay up to date with the news.

    Browse Internet pages from time to time - especially those that may be useful to you as a source of interesting facts and news for communication, remember interesting facts from the press. News topics for small conversations will differ - whether you are communicating with clients, colleagues, managers, older people, or girlfriends. Each target group is interested in its own topics. You have to communicate with your manager’s business partners - think about what topics of small conversations would be relevant, interesting and appropriate? You are about to meet with graduates of your school - think in advance about what will be of interest to you personally at this party? What new things will you tell us, what topic for a small conversation will you throw into the “furnace” of communication? Here, as professional speakers say, the best impromptu is well-prepared!

Don't make mistakes:

1. I have an old friend who is a professional journalist. When talking with him about anything, I always find myself under a hail of his professionally refined questions - it turns out to be a real interrogation, life inventory

   .
   And then, after the questions have been asked, the answers have been received, a series of advice
   - either from a senior in rank, or in age.
   It is possible to forgive as an old acquaintance. But if we are learning to conduct conversations in small-talk style, then interrogations and moralizing
   are, of course, inappropriate... There may be advice, but in a more delicate form: “Have you not read the materials on this topic on the site...?”, “Have you not Have you tried contacting...?”, “One of my friends contacted a knowledgeable lawyer on a similar issue,” “Have you heard about new changes in legislation?”

2. A small conversation can degenerate into a big one or into an “assault.”

   “Of course, are you planning to go on vacation to the Red Sea? I know that you are a diving enthusiast... - Yes, I am leaving on March 15th. - March 15th? When are you going to do the report, you only have a week left?”

3. Slipping into negativity.

   “It’s June, but there’s still no warmth, I don’t even know what I’ll do on vacation in such cold weather” - “They say that the whole summer will be cold and rainy. This is even worse than the heat last summer; in the heat you can at least swim, but in the cold you can only warm yourself at the dacha by the stove.”

4. There are topics whose discussion may not lead to the desired result.

   Let me give you an example: in order to win the favor of a client waiting for a meeting, the secretary spoke in vivid colors about how she hates “dummies”, because of which there are always traffic jams; Later it turned out that the client himself had recently started driving. Oddly enough, it is not recommended to discuss literature and films in small conversations, since opinions can differ for many reasons, even among the closest friends. In any case, before proposing a topic, ask research questions...

Interesting approaches to the topic of “small conversation” are given in the book of the wonderful trainer Elena Sidorenko, “Training of Communicative Competence”, S-P, “Speech”, 2003, which provides four small conversation techniques that are convenient to use to start communication.

1. Quoting a partner.

Or links to what was said earlier.

• — You said that you used to go scuba diving...
• — I remember you said that you like to cook in your free time...
• — After our last conversation, I finally understood what kind of skis I needed for a trip to the mountains.

2. Positive statements.

• — Is it true that there will soon be a new metro station near your house?
• — I heard that you were at a concert of Japanese drummers on Sunday.
• — I recently saw Peter, he is passionate about his new project, he is going to open his own company.
• — I know that you came from Kazan - last summer the city’s 1000th anniversary was celebrated there.

3. Information.

Communicating information that is important, interesting and pleasant for the partner.

• — This weekend, our whole family went to the skating rink in Gorky Park. This year the ice is surprisingly well filled and the locker room is working comfortably...
• — Try these cakes - they are amazingly delicious.
• — Have you heard that a bus tour of Moscow at night is being organized this evening?
• — You know, there is a cafe very close here where you can sit quietly, listen to music, and drink coffee.

4. Interesting story.

An engaging, gripping narrative that is unexpected, enjoyable, or piquant. “Once my family and I went to the dacha. Driving past a roadside McDonald's, we bought food there and, in order not to waste time, decided to have a snack in the parking lot, in the car. It was warm, the front windows of the car were open, and then a couple of sparrows flew in. One easily sat on the hood, and the other on the edge of the glass. At this time, my hand reached into the bag for fried French fries. Grabbing a long fried slice with my fingers, I handed it to one sparrow. He quickly grabbed the food and flew away. The one who was sitting on the hood quickly flew onto the glass and also got his potato. A new couple flew in to replace the departed guests and again received their treat. The children sitting in the car and the adults were delighted! Obviously, such sparrow shows happened not only with our car, the process was worked out to the smallest detail! This is what proximity to American technology means! Even the sparrows’ business was booming!”

Don't give one-word answers.

And one more important tip. Don't give one-word answers.

If you are the party supporting the thread of a small conversation and you are asked a question, for example: “Where did you vacation this year?”, then you can answer like this: “In Tallinn.” But these kinds of answers “close” communication, do not give it the opportunity to develop, and put your partner in a dead end. It is better to provide your answer with additional information, for example: “This year I went with my son to Tallinn - this is a wonderful medieval city with beautiful architecture and wonderful small cafes where delicious cakes are baked. In addition, my vacation was successfully combined with the seminar that I conducted in this city.” Do you notice that there is room for further conversation? Then we can talk about the joy of travel, and about the medieval cities of Europe, and about delicious cakes, and about the topic of the seminar and what brought us to this country. In the topic of small conversation, it is very useful to attach such “wagons” of small stories and pleasant impressions, giving your partner topics for further conversation...

And, of course, it is useful to train in the art of small talk in order to gradually become great Masters in the Art of Communication.

All articles Author of the article: Irina Myagkova

Source: https://www.festivalnlp.ru

Psychology of communication with people

To get only positive results from communication, a separate and constantly developing branch has appeared in psychology. Communication from the point of view of psychology is the science of interpersonal communications between people.

Many classifications and concepts related to this science have appeared in the scientific community. To separate all the communications that a person makes every day, psychologists study 7 main types of communication:

• "Contact masks";
• Primitive communication;
• Formal-role communication;
• Business conversation;
• Spiritual communication;
• Manipulative communication;
• Social communication.

With all the diversity of communications, psychologists have identified only three main components of communication:

• Exchange of information;
• Exchange of actions;
• Perception and evaluation of a partner.

Communications can be brought to a new qualitative level with the help of the ability to speak correctly and understand the interlocutor.

The Art of Effective Communication

When a person realizes that communication in psychology is not only the possession of beautiful speech, but also the ability to hear a person, the time comes for effective communication. This definition implies the ability to actively listen. Not everyone has this useful skill.

Important! Effective communication involves not only the ability to speak, but also to listen carefully.

Effective Communication

To master the art of effective communication, you need to follow simple rules:

1. Correct structure of thought. To build successful communications, it is important to learn how to communicate your thoughts in clear and understandable phrases. Only in this case can the interlocutor fully understand the information received. It’s not for nothing that you need to prepare a report and presentation for important meetings. All this helps to express thoughts clearly.
2. The ability to listen to your interlocutor. Conversation is not a competition. The dialogical form implies that everyone has the opportunity to express their opinion.
3. Constructive criticism. Without criticism, it is impossible to build effective communication. This element helps refine the subject matter. It is important that criticism does not affect individuals.

Theory of dialogue and the art of conversation. Areas of oratorical practice (eristics, dialectics, sophistry).

Since ancient times, the ability to speak has been considered the highest art. It has not lost its weight even today. By the way a person speaks, one can judge how educated he is. But it is even easier to recognize a well-mannered person by the way he listens. “The art of conversation is the art of silence.” This paradox can be easily deciphered: listening carefully is as difficult as telling an entertaining story, so it is very important to learn to listen to your interlocutor. And even when you do not agree with his opinion on any matter, it is best to listen to the end and then express your point of view. It is much more pleasant to have a conversation with an interlocutor who listens carefully

The word is quite a powerful tool. Therefore, you should not grab your interlocutor’s hand or slap him on the shoulder. You need to learn to attract attention with words, not gestures. Excessive gesturing is funny.

You should not seek the attention of your interlocutors by shouting. The great orators of antiquity began their speech in a whisper, thereby forcing the audience to listen to every word, and thus achieved everyone's attention and admiration. Speaking in this manner will give your speech more weight.

But if you are still interrupted, it is better to shut up and listen to all the comments and objections. After all, when both speak, no one will hear or understand anything, and then all comments will be in vain. The first and main sign of intelligence is culture of speech. Jargon and rude witticisms indicate a lack of proper upbringing. You should not saturate your speech with parasitic words, such as “that”, “that means”, “so”, “so to speak”. You should also not use a large number of foreign words, thus emphasizing your “education.” The desire to show off your knowledge in a particular scientific field can cause interlocutors not respect, but, on the contrary, irritation. You must speak clearly, without raising or lowering your voice, do not mutter, do not rush, and do not swallow your words.

The ability to communicate is, first of all, the ability to conduct a conversation. There are generally accepted rules here too. Learn to listen to your interlocutor without interrupting him. For the ability to listen carefully and patiently to the person with whom you are talking, while showing benevolence, sympathy, and sympathy for him, is a true talent. Fortunately, this talent is not innate: everyone can cultivate it in themselves and in their children. While listening to your interlocutor, try to look into his eyes or at the object to which he himself draws your attention. Confirm your keen interest in someone’s statements with slight nods of the head or some words-remarks. Under no circumstances should you rush to object or argue without listening to the speaker to the end. You should never interrupt or interrupt the speaker, turn away from him, look at your watch, yawn, rummage in your pockets or bag, or engage in parallel conversation with another person. If your interlocutor is abusing your attention, you can politely apologize and say that you are unfortunately busy right now and it would be wiser to reschedule the conversation for another time. It happens that several people are involved in the conversation. In this case, the topic should be interesting and understandable for each interlocutor. Special issues should not be raised in such situations. It is not considered polite to tell sensational but unreliable news in society. It is not nice to speak in hints that are understandable only to certain interlocutors. You should not indulge in long memories of the past, get carried away by endless monologues. A bad interlocutor is one who conducts a conversation only to speak out himself. Ultimately, he will remain without listeners. Avoid comments that can hurt the feelings of the interlocutor, do not overuse barbs. It is very important to monitor how the interlocutor reacts to your words. After all, you can offend not only with text, but also with subtext. In disputes, choose your wording carefully. Try to maintain basic respect for your interlocutor in any situation. Help those who have just joined the conversation and have not yet found their bearings to join the general conversation. Conversations during meals should not spoil the appetite of those around you. Always speak to the essence of the issues, see if the interlocutor is listening to you. It's good to praise his reasoning sometimes. It is rude to interrupt your interlocutor, especially if he is elderly. The narrator should not be prompted or corrected. A negative impression is made by pretentiousness, unnaturalness, excessive theatricality, saturation of speech with vulgar and “trash” words (such as “so,” “here,” “so to speak”), and mooing when choosing the right word. A mandatory norm of communication is moderate volume of speech. Nothing can justify noisy and loud speech. There is no point in raising your voice even in an argument, since shouting does not add persuasiveness to the arguments. Don't pretend to be a know-it-all. If possible, try to prepare in advance for the planned conversation, ask about the hobbies of your interlocutor. When forced to communicate (for example, you are traveling in the same compartment of a train or in the same cabin of a ship), the conversation should be easy, unobtrusive. If your companion is a well-mannered person, but at the moment he is not inclined to talk, he will politely let you know by briefly answering your questions. Extremes in the field of communication are very dangerous. If gloomy silence has a depressing effect on your neighbor, excessive frankness and dedication to all your affairs is also completely inappropriate. Such cases often occur among women. During travel, such women are irresistibly drawn to immediately explain to their neighbors the entire state of affairs: where they are coming from and where they are going, why, what is their marital status, the fate of their relatives, etc. Of course, a person has the right to be frank, but you should control your conversational itch. In order to maintain a conversation, you should not bombard your interlocutor with questions of a questionnaire nature. Such questions, reminiscent of a conversation with a co-investigator, alarm the interlocutor. A proven means of relieving tension in an argument or simple conversation is humor. However, remember that excessive humor, witticisms and anecdotes are always appropriate.

Dialogue is the joint speech activity of two or more persons. Every dialogue is an exchange of remarks. The general rules of dialogue are as follows: a question requires an answer, a command requires a response in action or word, a narration requires a response in narration or attentive silence. Attentive silence is understood as the absence of speech when, by facial expression, gesture, interjection, or repetition of a word, the listener notifies the speaker that his speech has been accepted and understood. Researchers have proposed an approach to the structure of dialogue based on the concepts of speech act and illocutionary force: as the main segment of dialogue, they proposed to consider minimal dialogic units - groups of speech acts connected by strict illocutionary relationships.

To dialogue functions

include self-knowledge and self-esteem, since understanding oneself occurs only through interaction with another person, and in the case of dialogue, interaction has a free form of expression of views.

In the dialogue, each participant acts as a researcher, whose gaze is turned “inward” and “inside out.” The internal prerequisites of the participants in the dialogue are the concepts of “meaning” and “value”. The knowledge that participants in dialogue acquire involves a transition from fact to meaning, from reflection to understanding. Consequently, the role of dialogue

- mutual listening to each other, no mutual correction, but only self-correction, since dialogue is an equality of positions without a one-sided ascent of one participant in the dialogue to the logic of the other.

Rules for dialogue

:

· when participating in a dialogue, you need to remember that you can speak the same language without understanding each other, and also keep in mind that there are people with whom dialogue is in principle impossible due to certain personal characteristics;

· the opposite side participating in the dialogue should be considered not as an adversary or as a similarity to oneself. It is necessary to recognize the possibility of the existence of a different logic, a different type of thinking and the opponent’s right to adhere to it;

· maintaining pauses during the dialogue allows you to find an unexpected image, a turn of the topic;

· do not argue, do not convince, do not evaluate;

· create a measure of freedom that excludes the possibility of dictate, elements of dispute, evaluation, persuasion

Each of us took part in a wide variety of disputes and discussions, so the general principles of arguing are known to us even without any theory. A dispute is a clash of opinions and positions, during which each side argues for its understanding of the issues under discussion and seeks to refute the arguments of the other side.

Dispute is an important means of clarifying and resolving issues that cause disagreement, of better understanding what is not largely clear and has not yet found a convincing justification. Even if the parties to the dispute do not ultimately come to an agreement, during the course of the dispute they better understand both the positions of the other side and their own.

Aristotle, who is considered the creator of the theory of dispute, distinguished:

1) dialectics

– the art of arguing in order to find out the truth;

2) eristics

– the art of remaining right in a dispute at any cost;

3) sophistry

- the desire to achieve victory in a dispute through the deliberate use of false arguments.

The art of arguing is called eristics . Eristics is divided into dialectics

and
sophistry
. The first was developed by Socrates, who first used the word “dialectics” to denote the art of conducting an effective debate, a dialogue in which the truth is achieved by discussing a problem and confronting opinions. Sophistry, which set the goal of the dispute to victory in it, and not the truth, significantly compromised the very idea of ​​​​the art of argument.

Basic recommendations of eristics regarding behavior in a dispute.

1. You should not argue unless absolutely necessary. If there is an opportunity to reach agreement without a dispute, we must use it. At the same time, we should not be afraid of disputes and try to avoid them by any means. On fundamental problems that cannot be resolved without discussion and polemics, it is necessary to argue. The main task of the dispute is not victory over the opposing side itself, but the solution of some specific problem , best of all, a mutually acceptable solution.

2. Every dispute must have its own topic, its own subject. Pointless disputes, disputes on issues that are not clear to the disputing parties, usually leave a heavy aftertaste due to their incoherence and helplessness. Without giving participants the opportunity to discover their knowledge and abilities, such disputes present them in a distorted light.

3. Its topic should not be changed or replaced by another throughout the entire dispute. you still need to constantly keep in mind the main line of the dispute and try not to stray too far from it

. If the subject of the dispute has changed, it is advisable to specifically pay attention to this and emphasize that a dispute regarding a new subject is, in essence, a different, and not the same, dispute.

4. A dispute takes place only if there are incompatible ideas about the same object, phenomenon, etc. If there is no such incompatibility, it soon usually becomes clear that the disputants are talking about different but complementary aspects of the same object. There is nothing further to argue about.

5. Successful argumentation requires a certain knowledge of logic. First of all, it assumes the ability to draw consequences from one’s own and others’ statements, notice contradictions, and identify the lack of logical connections between statements.

6. You should not be afraid to admit your mistakes during an argument. The main thing in a dispute is to contribute your share to the positive development of the issue under discussion. A person who is convinced that some of his ideas are incorrect must say so with complete frankness and certainty, which will make the dispute more fruitful. We must be tolerant of criticism and not be afraid that someone will point out our mistakes. In a dispute, when critical remarks are expressed in person, this is especially important .

Dials _ conversations

Sophistry (from the Greek sophistike - the ability to cunningly conduct debate),

People skills as the key to successful authority

With the help of properly structured communications, you can win the recognition of friends, arouse sympathy from others and make profitable manipulations in your career. Strong communication skills have always played a role in creating a successful authority figure. To show your best side in a conversation, there are rules for communicating with people, psychology has proven their effectiveness:

1. Eye contact. It is important to maintain eye contact during a conversation. The interlocutor will feel insecure if a person talking to him is looking at the floor or window.
2. Confident and clear speech. It is important to be able to present your thoughts in confident and clear speech. To develop these skills, you can take a short course in public speaking.
3. Interest in the interlocutor. The ability to listen and empathize is highly valued in any communication.
4. The right questions. You can also show interest in your interlocutor by asking additional questions related to the problem of concern.
5. Showing emotions. During a conversation, a person's smile is important. This predisposes and attracts the interlocutor.
6. Sense of humor. In tense situations, humor will help defuse the situation. The main thing to remember is that jokes are understood in different ways.

Communication skills play an important role in creating a successful authority
More information! All these tips are discussed in detail and in an accessible manner in the popular book “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by author Dale Cornegy.

Class hour "The Art of Communication" class hour (grade 11)

Rule No. 3.

What was the reason for Andrew Carnegie's success?

He was called the steel king, but he himself knew little about steel production. Hundreds of people working for him knew that they had become incomparably more than he did. But very early on he showed organizational flair and an innate gift for leadership. Even at the age of ten, he discovered for himself what an extremely important place they occupy in

people's lives are their own names. And he was able to use this discovery to acquire employees. That's how it was.

At that time, when he was still a boy and lived in Scotland, he somehow got himself a rabbit, or rather a female rabbit. Very soon he became the owner of a whole brood of rabbits, without having any food for them. But he had a brilliant idea. He promised the neighborhood boys that if they picked clover and dandelions for the rabbits, he would name the bunnies after them in their honor.

The idea was a success, as if by magic, and Carnegie remembered this forever. Many years later, by using this feature of human psychology in business, he made millions. For example, he wanted to sell steel rails to the Pennsylvania Railroad. The president of the Pennsylvania Railroad at the time was J. Edgar Thomson. Andrew Carnegie builds a giant steel mill in Pittsburgh and calls it Edgar Thomson Steel Works.

Now let's see if you can solve the riddle. When the Pennsylvania Railroad needed rails, who do you think they bought them from? At Smurs'? At Reebeck's? Well, no. You guessed wrong. Try again.

During his struggle with George Pullman for supremacy in the production of steel cars, the steel king again remembered his rabbit lesson.

Central Transportation Company, controlled by Carnegie, was at war with a company owned by Pullman. Both worked hard to win the contract to supply steel cars to the Union Pacific Railroad, while punching each other, driving down prices and destroying any chance of making a profit. Both rivals were in New York to visit the board of Union Pacific. Meeting Pullman one evening at the St. Nicholas Hotel, Carnegie said: “Good

evening, Mr. Pullman! How long will you and I play the role of two fools?”

"What do you have in mind?" asked Pullman.

Carnegie then explained that he meant combining their entrepreneurial interests. Pullman listened very carefully, but was not fully convinced by Carnegie's arguments until a little later, when he asked his interlocutor: “What would you, Carnegie, call the new company?” To which Carnegie immediately replied: “Well, of course, by the Pullman Luxury Car Company!”

Pullman's face brightened. “Let’s go to my room,” he said, “we’ll discuss everything in more detail.” And this discussion opened a new page in the history of American industry.

It was this policy of remembering and honoring the names of one's friends and companions that was one of the secrets of Andrew Carnegie's leadership. He was proud of the fact that he was able to address his workers by name, and that during his personal management of affairs, no strike had ever put out the flames of his steel mills.

People are so proud of their names that they strive to perpetuate them at any cost. Even the loud and hot-tempered old man P.T. Barnum, being deeply upset by the lack of sons who would inherit his name, suggested to his grandson Cilley K.G. twenty-five thousand dollars if he took the name Barnum.

Two centuries ago, rich people paid writers to dedicate their books to them.

Libraries and museums owe their richest collections to people who did not even allow the thought that their names could be erased from the memory of posterity. The New York Public Library houses collections of books by Astor and Leinox. The Metropolitan Museum of Art perpetuates the names of Benjamin Altman and J.I. Morgan. And almost every church is decorated with stained glass windows, on which the names of donors for the construction of the temple are placed.

Most people do not remember names for the simple reason that they do not devote enough time and the necessary energy to concentrate, repeat and indelibly imprint these names in their memory. They make excuses for being too busy. But they're probably no busier than Franklin D. Roosevelt. And he finds time to remember names and address even the artisans with whom he

had to make contact.

Reasons for fear of communicating with people and methods for eliminating them

Some people may face a serious psychological problem - fear of communicating with other people. This phenomenon is otherwise called social phobia. This situation can be caused by the following reasons:

• Childhood psychological trauma.
• Criticism from family and friends that continues for several years.
• Negative experiences with peers at school.
• Fear of the opposite sex, formed by strict upbringing.
• Speech impairment.

A common cause of fear of communication is childhood psychological trauma.
There are several methods for eliminating mental trauma; psychologists are constantly researching this issue. You can start working on yourself with little things. First, you should get rid of doubts about what others think. You need to concentrate on yourself and your desires. Secondly, to overcome fear you need to independently look for reasons to communicate. This could be a short conversation at a bus stop or in a store. Communicating with strangers is difficult, but it gives you self-confidence. And thirdly, online chat cannot fully replace a live conversation.

The art of communication

Demeshchenko Violetta Secretary-assistant

Usually we evaluate the essence of a person by his behavior. But there are plenty of examples where essence and behavior are completely different from each other. Often we make the mistake of confusing spectacular external features with defining character traits. Let us remember one of the “worldly wisdoms” of the German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer: “Beauty is a pre-opened letter of recommendation.” And if at the same time a person is well brought up and skilled in communication, then it is easy to be deceived in him. Let's try to become more insightful...

Human essence and behavior patterns

By the essence of a person we mean his consciousness, upbringing, sense of self, level of spirituality, and attitude towards the world.

Behavior is part of the essence. It is associated with the manner of communication, covers the harmony or inconsistency of our individual manifestations, our style and nature of contacts, it reflects the signs of the era.

The behavior of a modern business person is relaxed and free, but at the same time it is such that he really “behaves.” A certain model of behavior can be only an appearance, a form, a pose, a challenge, or simply a mask that hides uncertainty, pride, fear, cowardice, and greed. We often give ourselves away with our behavior: in moments of anger, when people find it difficult to control their emotions, negative traits of their character are revealed. It would be good to know what is actually hidden behind the behavior, whether it reflects the nature of the individual...

An attractive or repulsive manner of communication is to some extent related to a person’s natural characteristics, but is not determined by them. Each of us has something to be proud of and something to complain about if we adequately evaluate ourselves. It is only important that our positive qualities outweigh our shortcomings.

When analyzing people's behavior, it is important not to succumb to the temptation to absolutize their individual actions - they may be atypical for a given person, dictated by circumstances.

We like some people because they have something “fiery”, unstoppable, they are always cheerful, energetic, the soul of any company. They are not afraid of failures, and they perceive problems with a smile. Others, on the contrary, captivate us with restraint. There is also a category whose communication style is unacceptable from any point of view.

The manner in which one behaves depends on a person’s temperament, age, personal experience, mental state, and social environment. Some negative external push inevitably brings unpleasant consequences to the forms of our relationship with others, depriving us of balance and persuasiveness.

Often people cannot achieve a position in society and make a career not because they are mediocre, but because of their inability to communicate. Paradoxically, such individuals are usually very ambitious, although not assertive; are proud and do not like to be pitied. For this reason, fair criticism hurts them, but they try to show that they are indifferent to it. People of this type look very complacent, although in fact they suffer because of their weaknesses and useless trampling in one place.

The ability to communicate is a talent that is given to a person by nature, or an art that is formed by him in the process of working on himself. If nature has generously endowed you with this gift and you simply use it - “bravo!”, But if you consciously cultivate such a skill in yourself - “bravissimo!”

Personality formation and idols

Typically, people adopt the behavior patterns of their relatives and those with whom they spend a lot of time. True, sometimes we come into conflict with our loved ones, move away from them and even turn into their antipodes. We often observe this situation: the children of workaholics grow up to be drones, and the children of successful parents trail behind in life.

And yet, we, as a rule, find examples of how to behave in our immediate environment, and sometimes we even unconsciously copy those with whom we are close. Infatuation with specific individuals is characteristic of adolescence. Usually this continues until the understanding comes that we overestimated our “idol”. At this moment, a person moves forward in his development, he develops his own beliefs, and an individuality is formed. The formation of personality ends when he stops following other people's models.

The fate of those who remain someone's echo, shadow, is unenviable. People of this type are limited, primitive, passive or energetic, but extremely superficial. After all, no matter how much you learn from others, it is always not enough to fully reveal yourself as a comprehensive and harmonious personality.

The greater the charge of creativity a person has, the higher his culture as a whole, the more diverse, harmonious, and effective his relationships with the environment are.

People and situations

The hardest thing is to figure out how to behave in different situations with different people. The world is eternal, but times change, and specific human contacts are never literally repeated, even if the same goals are pursued. The views, characters, circumstances, and behavior of people are simplified or complicated.

Unfortunately, a person's charm cannot be obtained from the outside. It is inside him: it sounds in his voice, manifests itself in his manner of speaking, moving, and in his attitude towards others. Good manners become part of your personal style.

Sometimes a cold, self-centered person who is an experienced conversationalist is able to make a more favorable impression than a good-natured person constrained by shyness. He attracts others due to his sociability and insight. His true nature is revealed in the process of prolonged communication. We are convinced that the attractiveness of the egoist is superficial, but this no longer matters, since the relationship with him has acquired inertia, and the partner, having achieved his selfish goal regarding us, is already hunting for the next profitable object. Such a person usually goes everywhere and doesn’t stay anywhere for long: those around him, recognizing his essence, push him away.

People cannot be equally original and entertaining. There are boring good-natured people in the world who are incomparably better than spectacular egoists . However, the latter often turn out to be more desirable communication partners, because they know how to create a pleasant atmosphere. Their daring disposition drives away or softens fatigue, melancholy, depression, and melancholy. When communicating with people of this type, you understand that you should not drown in problems and perceive life in dark tones. Everything should be treated philosophically, and you can only worry about poor health. Bright egoists quickly come into contact with gullible people who, believing that they are especially pleasant to them, idolize them, although they themselves are much better. They often stand up for egoists, tolerate their mistakes, and provide them with serious services...

Human behavior has its ebbs and flows. Closedness often has nothing to do with delusions of grandeur, passivity, or mistrust. Often it is a sign of concentration or psychological preparation for a complex and responsible task. Bitterness a disturbed internal balance and exhaustion of strength from an unfavorable outcome of events. Sometimes we look gloomy not because we are gloomy and suspicious, but because we do not know how to overcome embarrassment when we find ourselves in unusual conditions, where others study and evaluate us. All these nuances should be taken into account, for example, during adaptation to a new workplace. If employees are in no hurry to show a pronounced interest in a newcomer, this does not mean that they do not like him. They are reserved, answer briefly, because they think about the words, and do not put on airs and build a wall.

The seriousness and concentration of a boss, colleagues or business partners sometimes literally paralyzes us. We interpret these qualities as criticality, silent resistance to something and do not even suspect that this is only evidence of a very responsible attitude towards the problems under discussion. Having become accustomed to pronounced external reactions, we often confuse the real and the apparent.

Before judging a person, it would be good to understand what was the reason for, say, his rudeness . Is this a character trait? Maybe the reason was difficult experiences that he cannot or does not want to share with others? In this regard, it is appropriate to recall optimists who know how to notice even grains of positive in others. An optimist will always check whether a given unseemly act is an accident, the result of some kind of grief, etc. When faced with a cheeky person, he is in no hurry to label him, but tries to find out whether it is a mask.

Usually our contacts are fruitful when they are desired. However, we often depend on circumstances. A cultured and well-educated person is able to communicate effectively with those whom he does not like, if they are socially useful and deserve support. In addition, when assessing a person based on individual nuances of behavior, it is difficult to avoid mistakes. Many complex natures can only be understood after long and careful analysis. It is naive to believe that a quiet person is modest, a temperamental person is tyrannical, and that the eyes are certainly the mirror of the soul.

Human communication is like a game. Many people get so carried away by it that they lose their sense of reality. Trying to involve us in the process, they are ready to touch the deepest strings of the soul; they like to feel superior to others, to manipulate people’s feelings and consciousness. So sometimes it is better to prefer open rudeness to subtle pretense.

Almost each of us has our own hobbies, problems, and quirks. When communicating with people, do not underestimate the role of psychology as a science about man. It is necessary to learn to understand and feel others: not only loved ones, but also strangers, especially if circumstances force you to be close to them for a long time.

Exercises to develop communication skills

Psychology has developed several dozen pedagogical exercises that help develop communication skills. Each exercise has a specific goal.

Note! All exercises work only with regular practice.

Exercise “Tell me about...”

This exercise is designed to develop confidence in speaking. The essence of the task is that the object tells about the owner. The participant picks up any object that belongs to him and begins to talk about the owner on his behalf. At this time, other participants can ask questions on behalf of their subjects. The lesson is often used in groups of strangers.

Exercise “Oriental Bazaar”

This exercise helps you improve your professional communication skills and develop multiple ways to achieve specific business goals.

The “Oriental Bazaar” exercise motivates all participants to actively communicate

Participants write their name on sticky notes, which are then mixed together in one box. It is important that everyone has an equal number of notes. Then everyone picks up stickers in random order. Now the participants, through any persuasion, disputes and transactions, must collect all the pieces of paper with their names. Everyone is involved in the process.