There are different types of relationships, but most often people discuss love. We worry when there is no love in our lives, we want love, we are looking for it, the light is not dear to us if love does not illuminate our life. This is not surprising: people instinctively understand that this is the feeling that fills them. Just what does it mean to experience, sense, feel love?
If you ask rejected lovers, they will probably say that love is suffering. And if you listen to the sages and classics of literature, you will find the opposite opinion.
“Love is the beginning and the end of our existence. Without love there is no life. That is why love is something that a wise man bows to.”
Confucius
“Love for people is the wings on which a person rises above all else.”
Maksim Gorky
“Love is a priceless gift. This is the only thing we can give and yet you still have it.”
Lev Tolstoy
Who to believe? It is unlikely that wise people are disingenuous when they say: “You can be happy from the knowledge that the one you love is experiencing joy, and it does not matter at all whether your beloved thanks you in return, whether you can share pleasant moments with him, whether you receive some benefit from making your loved one happy.” But many of us have probably at least once consoled friends suffering from love, and perhaps we ourselves have endured similar torments. But was there only love? Are you sure it's about this feeling?
“The three most basic characteristics of love are these. When there is love, there are no questions. When there is love, there is no pain. When there is love, then nothing is impossible. If you are unable to accept these three factors, then don't call it love. Call it something else."
Yogi Bhajan
“The attraction of hearts gives birth to friendship, the attraction of minds - respect, the attraction of bodies - passion, and only all three together give birth to love.”
Confucius
Substitution of concepts
In films and many fairy tales, love is defined as an emotional state that comes suddenly, forcing a person to do things that are unusual for him. As you grow older, you come to understand that this state is, in fact, falling in love, that is, affection, but not love.
At a young age, strong feelings are often associated with attachment, without understanding the difference between them. The main distinguishing feature of falling in love is building a relationship on mutual sexual attraction and passion. If in the formed connection there are no common interests between young people, there is no mutual respect, then such a relationship will not last long.
Love at different chakras: how to distinguish love from affection
If you are familiar with the concept of chakras, then you know that a person perceives the world from the level of the chakra to which he was able to raise his energy.
When a person's level is muladhara
, then first of all he is interested in security, which means he will not look for love in the sense that we talked about above. Most likely, he will be satisfied with a relationship like between a mother and a child, where he will act as a child, or an equal relationship: as much as he gave, as much he received, no more, no less. A marriage based on the energy of muladhara can be long-lasting, but a modern person is unlikely to call it happy. At some point, it may seem to one of the spouses that the partner is receiving more than he is giving, and then they will begin to reproach, blame each other and ultimately seek happiness on the side.
Being on the second chakra, svadhisthana
, a person cares about satisfying his material needs. Therefore, in love, he or she looks for a wealthy spouse, maintains contact with people if there is some benefit in this, and in a relationship with God prefers to ask for something. Families formed due to attraction at the level of svadhisthana disintegrate quite quickly, since the main energy in this center is sexual, and sexual attraction is short-lived, as, in fact, is material security. After some time, the spouses realize that nothing holds them together anymore, and they go in search of new partners.
One who has risen to manipura
, cares about his status in society and can use marriage to strengthen his position, both social and material. Fortunately, this level is very close to the heart chakra, and there is a high probability that a person will prefer to develop sincere relationships without any benefits or conditions. Married couples who started their relationship at the manipura level, but made efforts for their spiritual growth, remain together for a long time. But if the spouses remained on Manipura or fell lower, they risk separating as soon as they reach all their statuses.
It is believed that the Anahata chakra
, which is located at the level of the heart, is responsible for unconditional love. No wonder people say: love is born in the heart. Anyone who has been able to raise their energy to anahata always tries to establish warm and trusting relationships with others, as they realize that we are all united and worthy of pure love. “Heart-hearted” marriages are harmonious and long-lasting, because there is nothing more beautiful than feeling that you are loved and your love is accepted. And love for God also begins from this level.
Accumulation of energy in the next three chakras - Vishuddha
,
ajna
and
sahasrara
- only strengthens a person in understanding the unity of all living beings and the need to give love to the world, and to get to these chakras, you first need to open the heart center.
Feelings of resentment, anger, and hatred block anahata. Forgiveness, understanding and the desire to help others, on the contrary, dissolve blocks and clear the way to the next chakras. Asanas that are designed to open the thoracic region, for example, Bhujangasana (Cobra Pose), Ushtrasana (Camel Pose), Matsiasana (Fish Pose) and many others will help to activate the heart chakra at the body level. If you are not new to the path of yoga, try breathing practices (pranayama), but they must be approached very carefully, with full awareness, and it would be better under the guidance of a mentor or teacher.
Unfortunately, in our world, in most cases it is not possible to build relationships only on love. Very enlightened yogis, monks and saints have this skill. But if you learn to distinguish between love and affection, you will certainly develop the skill of giving people a bright, unconditional feeling more often.
How to understand your feelings
Today, it is increasingly possible to meet people who divorced literally a year after starting a family. And it’s good if they didn’t have time to have a baby, because he will suffer the most from the divorce. Therefore, it is so important to understand what is in front of you - love or affection.
There are a number of criteria, by answering which a person will be able to understand whether there are real feelings or just falling in love.
- What keeps you close to your loved one? If the answer is external data, a figure, then there are superficial feelings. If you understand your partner’s inner world, can easily point out his strengths and weaknesses, know how to evaluate him as a whole person, perceive him as he is, along with all his shortcomings, then true love takes place.
- How many aspects of your loved one's character can you name? If there is attachment, then there are literally two such traits, and they indicate the superficiality of character. For example, a cool gait, an awesome smile. In the case when there is a real feeling, the following answers will be relevant: “in difficult times, he finds words of support,” “if he sees that he is not feeling well, he stands at the stove and cooks dinner.” It’s not so important here how many positive manifestations of your partner’s character you can name, but what exactly these manifestations will be, what their value is for your relationship.
- How it all began? If there is falling in love, then the relationship was born on the presence of external factors, such as “beautiful eyes”, “radiant smile”. Love arises from common interests and grows stronger as you get to know a person, becoming stronger.
- What is your interest? Attachment, as a rule, can flare up and then fade away. In such a situation, the partner often causes irritation, even over trifles. If there is love, then there are deep feelings about his soulmate, the person will not start scandals right away, he will first think about the reasons for his partner’s behavior.
- Do feelings force change? If your partner makes a remark, how do you react to it? Are you angry or trying to change? Of course, it is worth considering the presence of such character traits as hot temper and irritability for any reason. Then this criterion cannot be fully taken into account.
- Attitude towards people around you. Love helps change your outlook on life and your environment. When falling in love occurs, a person’s entire attention is concentrated on the object of his affection, and the people around him become secondary in his eyes. If you have real feelings, relationships with relatives and friends will not suffer. Otherwise, there is love attachment.
- What feelings come to you when you are about to part with your loved one? If a person begins to experience a breakup acutely, literally tearing his hair out, if the feelings are not real, then over time they will simply fade away.
- Frequency of conflicts. Psychologists note that quarrels arise due to the lack of common topics for conversation. When there is no true love, then a large number of disagreements arise in relationships, often groundless. If there are real feelings, then the partners strive to understand each other, make compromises, which allows them to avoid a scandal.
- Are you benefiting from this relationship? When it comes to attachment, a person is necessarily looking for some benefit for himself. This is not always a material benefit; it can also be a desire to show off a handsome guy to your friends.
- It is very difficult to part with a loved one. It’s easy with someone who arouses affection.
- In love, we show concern for our partner. When there is attachment, there is more egoism.
- Love allows you to be free and has no restrictions in relationships. Attachment paralyzes partners.
- Love is a lasting feeling. Attachment is short-term.
True love is characterized by the desire to make your partner happy, but a person also does not forget about his own needs and feelings.
There is no need to focus too much on the criteria outlined above. Situations may vary. For example, a couple in which people really love each other may experience temporary communication difficulties. The partners begin to quarrel, but literally after a few days their relationship can improve. Therefore, it is so important to look at the whole situation as a whole, to evaluate everything, both objectively and subjectively.
What is love and what is affection
When we think about love, the image of two people usually pops up: the gentleman and the lady, the bride and groom, the husband and wife. Mother’s love is also remembered no less often: after all, there is no more reverent attitude than that of a mother towards her baby. And the love of God also comes to mind.
Formally, in all of the above cases, relationships are built differently, but the essence is the same: we experience pleasant emotions for the object of our love and do not expect anything in return.
In the material world it is very difficult to adhere to just such a concept; often all sorts of conditions, expectations, hopes are mixed into relationships, and then love flows into affection.
It happens that you can hear from a lover that he is not ready to live without his soul mate. Of course, everything depends on the context, but still this attitude does not bode well.
When you cannot imagine yourself without a loved one and want to enjoy him, then the center is not the object of your love, but you yourself: after all, you use another to satisfy your needs. And once you use it, then it’s no longer about love.
At first, the desire of lovers to constantly be close and enjoy each other’s company every minute gives a sea of the most pleasant emotions, which is why it seems that this is love. But over time, trying to replace the whole world with one person destroys even the strongest bonds. If you become fixated on someone, there are only two options available to you: either your lover will want to run away to gain freedom, or you will use all available methods and make the person dependent on you, and then he will hate you as a tyrant. In both cases, the outcome is sad.
So what should we do? How not to cross the line beyond which a pure, good feeling develops into a consumer attitude?
First, you need to understand the difference between love and affection. Secondly, develop within yourself and give sincere love to everyone around you, but remember that everyone has their own understanding of this bright feeling, since all people are at different levels of development.
Inexplicable loneliness
Even when there is a life partner, a person can experience loneliness
There are cases when a person who has a beloved partner still experiences emptiness in his soul and feels loneliness. He feels good next to a person of the opposite sex, calmly, but there is a feeling that something is missing in life. From time to time, melancholy comes over, then everything returns to normal. In such a situation, you need to think about whether the person is next to you. Therefore, it is so important to know how to distinguish love from attachment, as well as from feelings of gratitude.
A person must understand that if he experiences love, he will never be visited by a feeling of loneliness. Real feelings allow a person to find common activities and topics of conversation with his partner. They will never feel empty inside. Undoubtedly, affection can also be present on a par with love, when people’s feelings are tested over the years. In a situation where people literally just met yesterday, and today they are ready to go to the registry office, there can be no conversation about true love. It is these couples who experience loneliness after entering into a union.
When you love, you think and care about your partner, there are always topics for conversation, common interests, and the desire to make your other half happy. Despite the shortcomings, you continue to love, respect and appreciate the person. A loved one inspires, encourages self-development, stimulates the desire to become better.
What is love?
What is true love? Rapid heartbeat, trembling in the chest, thoughtless actions and signs of “slight stupidity” often betray a person in love. The candy-bouquet period remains the most romantic time for all couples. Inspired by light carelessness, many perceive these feelings as true and only love.
However, family life often ruins the first love, and disappointed newlyweds think about breaking up, explaining their feelings only by affection. The complementary role plays an important role in love relationships. And if you are committed to a serious, full-fledged relationship, you should demand such a relationship not only from your partner, but also from yourself.
Tests of love and affection4
The test of fidelity, the test of time, and separation will be decisive in the feeling of affection and will only strengthen true love. Attachment, as a rule, does not withstand many strife and disappears over time or certain circumstances, which cannot be said about love. While apart, lovers become more and more bored, feelings intensify, and the long-awaited meeting causes an unprecedented surge of endorphins.
So if, after a short separate coexistence, you do not experience certain torments, most likely it was just attachment. Love cannot stand competition. If you don’t see yourself as anyone else, most likely you are in love and this feeling will not pass without a trace.
