Child's attachment to mother up to one year of age and later. Attachment to mother in preschool children.

Attachment exists on several levels:

1) feelings, 2) imitation, 3) belonging, loyalty, 4) love, 5) a sense of importance for another, 5) a feeling of being known. If everything goes according to the (natural) plan, then the parent is always in the alpha position, the child is subordinate, the child develops normally and different levels of attachment allow him to eventually become independent without losing affection. In the past, attachment was largely provided by the cultural environment. But over the past 100 years, the cultural environment has changed, but parenting practices have remained the same.

Concept and essence of the term

The English psychiatrist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby studied child attachment.

Child attachment is a motivational system that arises between a child and a significant adult immediately after birth. The main function is the survival of the baby.

The source of attachment is the hormone oxytocin. In women, it is released during pregnancy. After childbirth, its concentration in the blood of the child and mother is maximum. This ensures mutual tenderness and affection. This is called maternal instinct.

With a lack of oxytocin, the mother does not experience affection or tenderness for the child. Hormonal imbalance occurs against the background of organic and acquired brain damage, under the influence of stress, psychological trauma, and inadequate attachment in childhood by the mother herself.

The influence of attachment

The first months of a child's life are full of fears and anxieties. Mom is a source of security and peace. Trust in the mother later extends to trust in the whole world. This is the significance of childhood attachment. It influences a person’s attitude towards the world in the future. If a child does not feel safe and does not trust his mother, then in the future he will be suspicious of all people.

Visual, tactile, emotional, and verbal contact with the mother is important for the child. Otherwise, the need for intimacy and security remains unsatisfied.

As the child grows up, an equally strong need for independence, activity, and research arises. Emotional attachment then performs a supportive function. This means outside support for the mother and acceptance of the child. As a result, he demonstrates independence without emotional stress.

The attachment does not have to be between the child and the mother. It arises between the child and the adult who regularly satisfies his need for intimacy and security. With age, attachments strengthen or break.

It is normal when there are several attachments or when a child’s attachment weakens. Children grow up, meet love, start families. Of course, if they were taught this, if adequate attachment was formed.

The influence of attachment to mother on a child's life

We have found that the only correct type of relationship between mother and child is reliable or secure attachment. According to various studies, it occurs in 50-70% of families.

It turns out that from 30 to 50% of children are raised in unfavorable conditions from infancy. These numbers are worth thinking about.

The experience of rejection by a mother is dangerous and painful. The negative model of oneself and the world formed by such an experience will undoubtedly manifest itself in the child’s entire next life. The attachment of the first years of life is very stable; it is transferred to preschool childhood, school years, and the period of growing up.

A child who did not have a secure attachment to his mother in early childhood is very dependent on the people around him and is passive. His behavior is unstable and contradictory. He is characterized by low self-esteem. He has problems with communication. And the reason for all this is a subconscious distrust of the world and the people around us. Deep down, the child is sure that people are unpredictable, the world is unfriendly, and he himself is not entirely good. This attitude was once established by the mother.

It is very likely that in adult life, the emotional and behavioral model determined by the type of attachment of the child to the mother will affect interpersonal relationships and other aspects of life.

Relationships with parents

Secure attachment: relationships with parents are built on trust and understanding, adult children provide assistance to their parents and participate in their lives.
Dual attachment: grown children remember their parents only when they feel bad (physically or financially). When children are prosperous, they are almost not interested in their parents.
Avoidant attachment: Children do not maintain relationships with their parents and do not remember them.

Relationships between spouses

Secure attachment: an adult is sure that the secret of a happy family lies in friendship and trust between spouses. He is a supporter of stability and long-term relationships. He understands that relationships develop over time and there may be ups and downs.
Dual attachment: an adult loves passionately, longs to completely dissolve in his beloved. The union of two people, in his opinion, should be close, lovers should be completely absorbed in each other. He's jealous. Believes that finding a soul mate (true love) is very difficult.
Avoidant attachment: very skeptical about love, considers it a beautiful fairy tale. He is afraid of emotional intimacy and cannot open up to another person.

Attitude towards yourself

Secure attachment: an adult is characterized by positive and adequate self-esteem.
Ambivalent and avoidant attachment: grown children are insecure and are haunted by a feeling of being undervalued by the people around them.

Attitude to work

Secure attachment: such people are confident in themselves and are not afraid to make mistakes. They know how to prioritize and know how to achieve goals. They do not take failures at work personally.
Ambivalent attachment: Success at work is highly dependent on rewards. Adults passionately desire universal recognition and approval. Because of this, they often mix work and personal relationships.
Avoidant attachment: grown children tend to “hide behind work” from personal relationships, often their lives are spent exclusively in work. At the same time, they are rarely satisfied with it, even if they achieve excellent results and a good financial situation.

How to overcome anxiety in a second-year child due to separation from his mother?

Your baby loves you more than anyone in the world and confesses his love to you in a million ways. It's cute, of course. However, many mothers with children older than one year are concerned about such a super-strong attachment of the baby. It often comes to the point that the mother cannot leave the child even for a moment, even to the point of being unable to go to the toilet.

But don't worry so much about this. Psychologists reassure that this will soon pass. It’s just that your child has entered another phase of development, and his heightened sense of anxiety in the second year of life is completely natural. Most children experience anxiety to varying degrees. Only some experience it very intensely, others barely noticeably, and only a small number of healthy two-year-olds do not experience this feeling at all.

It has not been fully established what exactly causes anxiety in children during this period. It is only known that all such manifestations should soon pass on their own.

Why is a child so attached to his mother?

Where do such childhood fears come from? Firstly, around the time the baby turns 6 months old, he begins to understand that he and his mother are not one. In this case, a completely normal reaction of the baby arises in the form of fear that a loved one may simply leave him, so he becomes strongly attached to his mother.

Secondly, a child thinks somewhat differently than we adults. For most adults, a typical saying is: “Out of sight, out of mind.” A child thinks completely differently. If the baby doesn’t see us, for him it means that for us it simply doesn’t exist. This consciousness unpleasantly frightens the little man. After all, the baby, who is more and more confidently walking along the path of independence and independence, nevertheless still needs us greatly.

How long does separation anxiety last?

Experts say that if we talk about the timing of the cessation of anxiety in a baby, then the culmination of this condition is the child’s age of about 1.5 years. The cessation of increased anxiety in children usually occurs by 2.5 years.

Types of attachment

There are 4 types of attachment:

Secure attachment. The child reacts violently to the separation, looks for his mother, and cries. After the mother returns, the baby rejoices and reaches out to her. He quickly calms down and starts playing again.
Insecure attachment and avoidant behavior. The child reacts poorly to separation. May express slight protest and follow with his gaze. He doesn't look away from the game. When he returns, he reacts with resentment, does not allow himself to be picked up, and rejects his mother. Experts consider this reaction as a characteristic of temperament and a protective mechanism of the psyche to the stress of separation. A psychophysiological examination of children with this type of reaction showed a higher level of stress hormone than in the group of the previous type.
Secure-ambivalent attachment. When parting, the child becomes hysterical. After returning, even his mother cannot calm him down. The baby simultaneously craves physical contact, but at the same time shows aggression: he turns away, fights, bites, and jerks his legs.
Insecure-disorganized attachment. There is uncertainty in the child's behavior. He either runs after his mother or towards his mother, with his arms wide open, then he stops, turns around and runs away even further. Actions are inaccurate, freezing in the process. Such a reaction usually signals a clinical case of child development or child abuse, neglect, violence, alcoholism and other parental addictions.

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Fading. Childhood attachment helps the child reproduce in memory the image of a significant person, and in difficult times or during separation, turn to this image. In the future, parallel to this image, a person creates other attachments.

Important! Attachment is formed in the first year of life. Until this time, it is not recommended to send the child to a nursery or separate him from his mother for a long time.

0-12 months

Basic attachment through the senses: physical, auditory and eye contact with the caregiver. When separated, such affection remains for many years.

1-2 years

Copying the behavior, intonation, and hobbies of loved ones, strengthening the attachment to mom and dad with similarity.

2-3 years

Belonging and loyalty are shown, accompanied by strong emotions, possession, and jealousy. The words “my mother” denote emotional attachment specifically to the mother. Not finding confirmation of this in the family, they try to find an object of affection elsewhere.

3-4 years

The baby understands his own importance and importance for his loved ones. Feeling that his parents love the people dear to them, he tries to be obedient, flexible, and necessary.

4-5 years

Emotional intimacy and love appears, which is expressed in the presentation of gifts, such as drawings, singing songs and reading poems, and even a favorite toy. The baby is able to feel contact with his parents for one or several days.

5-6 years

Level of vulnerable and strong psychological attachment. Wanting to be closer to the chosen object, the child tells his own secrets. Shares dreams and impressions, opening up from within.

Phase 3 (from 6 months to 3 years). Intense attachment and active search for intimacy

From about 6 months of age, the infant's attachment to a particular person becomes increasingly intense and exclusive. Most notably, infants cry loudly, demonstrating separation anxiety when the mother leaves the room. Previously, they could protest against the departure of any person who looked at them; now, however, they are upset mainly by the absence of this one person.

Observers also notice the intensity with which the baby greets his mother after she has been absent for some time. When the mother returns, the baby usually reaches out to her to be held, and when she does, he hugs her and makes happy sounds. The mother also shows her pleasure at the reunion.

The newfound exclusiveness of the baby's attachment to the parent is also noticeable at the age of about 7-8 months, when the baby develops a fear of strangers. This reaction ranges from mild wariness to loud crying at the sight of a stranger, with stronger reactions usually occurring when the baby is not feeling well or is in an unfamiliar environment.

But babies’ reactions are not limited to the expression of strong emotions. By 8 months, babies are usually able to crawl and can therefore begin to actively follow a retreating parent. Infants make the most concerted effort to maintain contact when a parent leaves suddenly rather than slowly, or when they find themselves in unfamiliar environments.

Once the infant has the ability to actively follow the parent, his behavior begins to consolidate into a goal-corrected system. That is, babies monitor the location of the parent, and if the parent is about to leave, they persistently follow him, “correcting” or regulating their movements until they find themselves next to him again. When they approach their parent, they usually extend their arms, indicating to be picked up. When they are picked up, they calm down again.

Of course, babies often move not only towards attachment objects, but also away from them. This is especially noticeable when they use the caregiver as a secure base for their exploration of the world around them. If a mother and her 1-2 year old child go to a park or playground, the child will most often stay close to her for a while and then venture off to explore. However, he periodically turns back, exchanges glances or smiles with her, and even returns to her from time to time before venturing into new explorations. The child initiates short contacts, as if trying to make sure that she is still there.

In Bowlby's view, the attachment system functions at different levels of arousal . Sometimes the child feels a strong need to be close to his mother; in other cases he feels almost no need for it. When a toddler uses his mother as a reliable starting point for his explorations, the level of activation is relatively low. Of course, the child periodically monitors the presence of the mother and may even sometimes return to her. But in general, the child can calmly explore the world around him and play at a sufficient distance from her.

However, this situation could change quickly. If the child looks back at the mother and she does not notice him (or, even more threatening, as if she is about to leave), the baby will hurry back to her. The baby will also rush back if something startles him, such as a loud noise. In this case, the baby will need close physical contact and may require prolonged reassurance before he ventures away from the mother again.

Behavioral attachment also depends on other variables, such as the child's internal physical state. If the baby is sick or tired, the need to stay close to the mother will outweigh the need to explore.

By the end of the first year of life, an important variable is the emergence of a general working model of the attachment figure in the child. That is, based on everyday interactions, the child begins to form a general idea of the availability and responsiveness of the caregiver.

So, for example, a one-year-old girl who has some doubts about her mother's availability usually experiences anxiety when exploring new situations, being at any distance from her. If, on the other hand, a girl has come to the conclusion that “my mother loves me and will always be there when I really need her,” she will explore the world around her with more courage and enthusiasm. Still, she will check periodically for her mother's presence, because the attachment system is too important to be completely shut down at any time.

Diagnosis of attachment

The “Stranger Situation” technique has been used to diagnose attachment for several decades. The optimal age of the child at the time of diagnosis is one to one and a half years. Mom and baby are placed in a really unfamiliar playroom. Psychologists monitor their behavior. Testing involves 8 stages, each of which lasts 3 minutes and is filmed:

The first and second episodes are the same. Mom and child enter the room. The baby begins to explore toys. Mom does not interfere; if necessary, she helps in a reasonable and unobtrusive manner. The child is happy and plays calmly next to his mother.
A stranger enters the room. After 2 minutes he begins a conversation with his mother. Normally, the child will show slight shyness, embarrassment, fear, and will approach his mother. At the same time, he will look at the adult with curiosity. A little later, the stranger invites the child to play with him. Mom doesn't mind.
Observers give a signal that mom needs to go out. She says a few warm words to the baby and leaves him with a stranger. Attachment makes the child look after his mother, call, and even cry. The stranger is trying to distract him with a game. This is not always possible.
The mother returns, takes the child in her arms, and says warm words. The baby calms down and returns to play. The stranger leaves.
The observers again give the signal that mom needs to leave. The child is left alone. This time he cries a lot and screams.
The previous stranger comes in first. Tries to console the child.
If the child does not calm down, the mother comes in.

This is where the diagnosis ends. Observers analyze the child’s behavior and draw a conclusion about what type of attachment is relevant in this case.

Such an observation can be carried out in normal conditions, for example, on a playground or at a party.

Attachment as imprinting

Bowlby believed that attachment develops in a similar way to imprinting in animals.

Imprinting is the process by which animals learn stimuli that trigger their social instincts.

In particular, baby animals learn which moving object they should follow. They begin to readily follow a wide range of objects, but this range quickly narrows, and at the end of the imprinting period they usually follow only their mother. At this stage, the fear reaction limits the ability to form new attachments.

In humans we can observe a similar process, although it develops much more slowly. During the first weeks of life, babies cannot actively follow objects as they move from place to place, but they direct social responses towards people. They smile, babble, cling, cry, etc. all help keep people close. At first, babies direct these reactions to any person. However, by 6 months of age, they have narrowed their attachments to a few people, and one in particular. They want this particular person to be nearby. At this stage, they become afraid of strangers and, when they learn to crawl, they follow their main attachment figure whenever he moves away. Thus, they develop imprinting on a certain person; it is he who initiates the following.

Consequences of attachment

A secure attachment is formed with the sensitivity of a significant adult, attention, empathy, and consistency of actions. The mother’s anxiety, her fears and unprocessed traumas, the child’s rejection, and postpartum depression have a negative impact.

Insecure attachment entails a “me myself” attitude. Such a person does not know how to trust others, it is difficult for him to build relationships, and there are no significant others for him. Another consequence is inconsistency of character.

In addition, insecure, disturbed attachment causes:

Risky behavior of a person in later life. As a child, he did not feel attention or any restrictions from his mother for the sake of safety.
Social promiscuity, excessive trust, fearlessness. Arises against the background of the absence of one significant adult.
Timidity in expressing feelings. The premise is corporal punishment, physical violence, abuse. If a child simultaneously saw his mother as a source of security and a source of danger, then in the future he will be very restrained in expressing feelings towards other significant people.
Aggression as a manifestation of affection. If the parents communicated aggressively with each other and with the child, and denied the child intimacy, then he will decide that this is the language of manifestation of love and affection. Such children grow up to be family tyrants, rude people who cannot tolerate failure.
Pathological cravings for food and games. It is formed in a situation when a significant adult satisfies the child’s need not with intimacy, but with food and play. In the future, a person himself will satisfy the need for intimacy with the help of food, workaholism, drug addiction, and dependent relationships.

Definition of attachment disorders in children

This often happens when the baby is afraid to let go of his mother even for a minute, not to mention a long separation. At the same time, feelings of love do not appear. This is a manifestation of superficial affection . Cause: Emotional pain associated with separation, shame or insecurity.

With attachment depersonalization, the child is afraid of losing the person to whom he is attached, and chooses a thing, animal or ritual. Replaces attachment to mother with general attention, desire to please, contact and intimacy with other people. Over time, desires become desires, obsessions, obsessions.

It happens that children transfer their affection for family to classmates or friends. They give new things as gifts, spend their savings on them, trying to stand out. Such a child is afraid of vulnerability in close relationships.

Provoking anger and irritation in loved ones if you can’t get their attention. It manifests itself in children who are overprotected or who grew up in neglect.

Wave-like attachment is a type of emotion that causes sudden mood and behavioral changes. Adoration gives way to rejection and avoidance - without compromise. Reason: unstable parent-child relationship.

If a person suffers without someone to whom he is attached, then we are talking about painful attachment . Such a child will become dependent on other people and bad habits: alcoholism, drug addiction, overeating.

Children do not refuse parental attention, but do without care and closeness. They also do not need contact with a teacher or educator. With avoidant attachment, it is unusual for children to show preference to their parent over strangers.

This is such a small adult, independent person. Parents who taught him not to show his feelings and hide his emotions become the culprits of chronic diseases.

As adults, such children experience difficulty in intimate and close relationships that occur without emotions. They are not upset when parting, they keep their distance, aloof. Does not share his own experiences and does not share the feelings of other people.

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Parent-child attachment

A child's attachment development grows every day. Such relationships between adults and children last a lifetime, and become stronger every year. Scientists have proven that already at 24 weeks of pregnancy, the fetus hears its parents talking to it. Gradually he begins to recognize their voices. He associates them with closeness, warmth, protection and care. Moreover, babies feel when their mother strokes her belly.

People who share such an emotional connection have a lot in common. They are even comfortable just remaining silent in each other's presence. And this silence will be the most wonderful pastime.

To strengthen the relationship between parents and children, it is necessary to constantly provide mutual tactile actions. Take the baby by the hand, hug, kiss. Tell him how much you love him, how happy you are that you have him. And the backlash will not be long in coming.

Why is this happening?

It would seem that mommy has left and returned many times already. It’s time to get used to it and understand that there is nothing terrible in a short-term separation, but there are still screams and loud roars. The reasons for this behavior are not easy to determine, but once you identify them, you can correct the situation.

One whole

In the first years of life, the baby actively explores the world, which seems huge, unknown and sometimes frightening to him. He gains new knowledge under the supervision of his beloved mother, who is constantly nearby: both day and night. It is not surprising that only with her the baby begins to feel completely safe, and if she disappears, anxiety appears.

Signal of trouble

Children's tears are not always caused by whims, bad mood and the desire to be with their mother. It’s just that children under two years old express all their experiences and inconveniences by crying. Take a close look, maybe the child has a cold, is teething or has a stomach ache. Read also: how to understand the reasons for children’s crying

Fear of loneliness

The baby begins to fear that his mother will not return from the store if the parents use threats as educational methods: “If you don’t stop pinching and biting, I’ll leave you!” After hearing this phrase several times, he thinks that he is being abandoned because of his bad behavior.

Mom's anxiety

Since the connection between the child and the mother is strong, the baby feels her anxiety even at a distance and becomes restless himself. He may not understand the cause of your stress (family scandal, financial troubles), but he is firmly convinced that he needs to be with you.

Lack of attention

It seems like you spend the whole day with the baby, don’t leave the nursery, but he still pulls his hand and constantly reminds you of yourself. This happens because you are close, but not together: you communicate on social networks, chat with a friend on the phone, or watch endless TV series. To attract attention, the child begins to act up.

"Mother's daughter. The child is very attached to his mother

Overcoming excessive attachment

So, we have dealt with the possible sources of children’s reluctance to let their mother go. How to help yourself and your baby?

The most important thing is to be patient. If you can't distract your child, do homework together. Learn to comment and show everything you do in the kitchen (of course, observing safety precautions) or in the living room. In a few years, your child will become a real helper.
Ordinary hide and seek is a useful activity for developing independence in young children, the ability to remain alone and wait for you. Hide close to the child, let him find his mother and rejoice. And he will also understand that nothing terrible happened while you were away.
Try to leave your child with relatives more often: father, grandmother or grandfather. The more children come into contact with other adults, the easier it is for them to let go of their mothers.
Hug, kiss, caress your baby, play his favorite games. Put your phone and laptop aside, and when your child receives the necessary portion of your attention, he will not need to seek it in “forbidden” ways.
Choose a moment when your baby is busy playing and explain that you will leave the room for a while. For example: “Dima, I need to make a cup of tea, I’ll be back soon.” Soon the baby will get used to the fact that you keep your promise and come back, which means you can try leaving the house.
Never go outside secretly, even if you need to leave for a couple of minutes. Imagine the baby’s state when he discovers that you are missing. He will look for you, sob out loud, and when you return, he will not leave a single step.
Do not forget that the child reacts sharply to all parental feelings and your sadness before separation may frighten him. Leave and come back with a smile on your face. This will make it easier to resolve this problem.

Detection feature

Each person can independently identify the presence of painful attachment. To do this, you need to listen to your own feelings. A frank dialogue with yourself will allow you to establish the presence of a destructive illness.

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A person with attachment can be identified by the following signs:

It seems to him that no one loves him. In fact, the problem lies in a lack of interest in opportunities that would improve relationships with people.
A person is not able to evaluate himself as a person. To compensate for his own love, he requires constant evidence of a good attitude on the part of his partner.
An individual experiencing attachment cannot console himself in a difficult situation. Temporary peace of mind can only be provided by the beloved on whom he depends.
To feel more confident and secure, an individual requires the presence of a close partner.
A dependent person does not want to work on the relationship and is not ready to accept his other half with all its shortcomings.
The slightest violation of the usual schedule can bring the addict out of a calm state. For example, if the husband came home 20 minutes late, the wife is capable of causing a scandal due to jealousy.

“Clinginess” does not give you a feeling of happiness even if everything goes according to plan. The feeling of loneliness next to your partner is the main criterion that you should pay close attention to when making a “diagnosis”.

What to do?

How to properly establish a secure healthy attachment between a child and an adult:

Up to a year, constant care of a significant adult.
Pay attention to the behavior and crying of the newborn.
Ensuring knowledge and sensory perception of the world not only through games and toys, but also through praise and support.
Eye and body contact, communication.
Reassure, pity, hug or lull.
Love the child for who he is.
Do not frighten the baby with separation, do not shame him for being afraid to let his mother go.
Hug and caress more, talk about your love more often.
Ask for help more often, showing your dependence on your little helper.
Learn to receive an invitation into your child’s personal world.
When breaking up, talk not about separation, but about business after the meeting.

Interpretation of attachment

In psychology, attachment is understood as a special pattern of behavior of an individual, which is characterized by attraction and subsequent retention of a person with something or someone. At the same time, the person does not associate any love, interest, or benefit with the object of adoration.

Often, addiction can cause painful and destructive feelings that not only hinder the individual’s potential, but also prevent them from building healthy relationships with people. For example, excessive passion for the Internet and computer games can “separate” a person from the real world, and attachment to an ex-man can negatively affect a girl’s future life.

How to help a child who is strongly attached to his mother?

Let's start with the fact that one should not make the main mistake of many parents - “sneaking away” from home without the baby noticing. Parents do this most often to avoid the child crying or becoming hysterical. This tactic, of course, is convenient for parents. However, as a result, children's fears can only get worse. After all, when a parent suddenly flees, the child thinks that the mother can disappear at any moment without any warning or goodbye. As a result, the baby tries to further strengthen his constant control over his mother, so as not to lose sight of her under any circumstances.

Tell us where and why you are going

Despite the fact that the child has a limited vocabulary and little life experience, he already understands a lot. It is the parents who are responsible for teaching the child to be able to act correctly in various life situations. It is important to teach your child the basics of behavior at various points in life. This will help him not to be afraid, but to predict the outcome of different life moments and master reality without much stress. Subsequently, these skills will be useful to the matured child both in relationships with the opposite sex and in future family life.

Parents need to warn their child if they need to go out for a certain time or leave. At the same time, you should tell us for what purpose you are traveling and what you will do. It is also important that these words are spoken without sad overtones. After all, nothing bad or unusual happens. On the contrary, time spent with a nanny or grandmother is an excellent opportunity to get a lot of different pleasures! The child most likely will not be delighted with this prospect at first. However, he will still have to face it.

Say goodbye briefly and with a smile

So, before leaving home, you need to say goodbye to your baby. Do not overdramatize an ordinary farewell and turn it into terrible scenes of farewell to life. When parting with the baby, it is important for the mother herself to maintain a smile and drive away sad notes from her voice and mood. It is important to smile and remain calm even when the child throws his usual tantrum. Try to convince your offspring that as soon as you finish your business, you will immediately return home. In the future, you can learn to say goodbye to your baby with some funny phrase that helps relieve unnecessary tension. After this, you need not to delay the moment of separation, but just get out.

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Keep your child busy with play

If the child is busy with some exciting game, he will not be focused on parting. When the time comes for you to leave home, go up to your baby, kiss him and say a short “bye.” After this you need to leave immediately. Even if the baby starts crying, this should not force you to return. Don’t worry: very soon the child will understand and get used to the fact that a parent leaving home does not bring anything bad, and that it is not scary at all. Over time, after you leave, the baby will quickly return to the game he started and forget about all the troubles.

Leave the house together

The farewell procedure is always easier when the child has the prospect of a walk or going to the playground. Therefore, instead of driving the baby home and leaving him under the supervision of a nanny, if possible, it is better to leave the house together. In this case, you will go in your direction, and the baby with the nanny (or aunt, grandmother, neighbor) will go in theirs. Make sure your baby knows when you will arrive and when he can find you at home.

How to form a secure attachment?

The “three pillars” on which a child’s secure attachment to his mother rests are stability, sensitivity, emotional and physical contact.

Stability

Attachment is formed quite simply. The baby began to cry, the mother came up to him, took him in her arms, talked tenderly, rocked him, stroked him, fed him. The baby calmed down, felt comfortable, and fell asleep. After a while he woke up in a good mood and was humming. The mother pays attention to the baby, supports the activity, talks to him, changes his clothes, and offers him a toy. More time has passed. The baby is crying again, he asks to be held. The mother takes him, calms him down again, strokes him and rocks him, plays with him.

With such repeated repetitions of the same actions with an unchanged style of behavior, the mother makes it clear to the baby that she is the person who will always come to the rescue, comfort, feed, and protect.

So, the mother’s behavior strategy must be definite and unchanging - stable.

Stability is also necessary in relation to the object of attachment. In our example, the object of attachment is the mother. It happens (often in wealthy families) that the care of the baby is almost entirely entrusted to the nanny, and the mother deals with the baby only occasionally. It is strictly not recommended to change a nanny if the child’s age is from 3 months to 1 year. It is advisable to continue to follow this recommendation. The object of affection (mother or nanny) should not leave the child for long.

Emotional and physical contact

Any, even the simplest, action with the baby must be accompanied by a persistent positive emotion from the mother, expressed openly and understandable to the child. This emotion is a manifestation of love. Warmth, tenderness, softness, encouragement, approval - the child needs them just like air and food.

Emotional contact must be accompanied by physical contact. Hugs, stroking, cuddling, rocking - all this is vital.

With regard to the quality and intensity of emotional and physical contact, no distinction should be made depending on the gender of the child. A boy must be treated as tenderly and kindly as a girl.

The response to the child's signals must be adequate. It happens that mothers, having heard the baby’s cry, do not console him, considering this to be unnecessary “lisping.” This is not true. Consolation is an appropriate response to crying.

It is important to listen to what the baby himself wants. Any interaction must correspond to the child’s cognitive abilities and mood. You cannot “adjust your child to your own needs.”

Most often, any mother understands her child well and his emotional state. But not all mothers consider it necessary to focus on it. They are of the opinion that a child should do what an adult considers necessary, and that one should not indulge his whims. This is a misconception. Until two years of age, and sometimes even older, moral and ethical concepts are inaccessible to a child. The desires and mood of a child at this age are not a whim at all. The baby needs to be gently guided to the desired, correct actions, switched to them, and stimulated to perform them. Ignoring the child’s initiative and his desires, cutting him off abruptly and rudely is unacceptable.

If the mother understands the baby’s emotional state, but does not respond to it adequately, she creates a situation of rejection. Fixed by repeated repetition, such a situation will form an insecure attachment of the anxious-resistant type.

Even with normal swaddling, you should not treat your baby like a doll. A child is not an object of care; he, even a tiny and unintelligent one, is a person.

Let's summarize.

In the first year of a child’s life, in addition to direct care for him, special attention should be paid to the formation of a secure attachment between the child and his mother. It will influence him for the rest of his life.

If you are reading this article and realize that time has been lost, that your child is no longer a baby and is characterized by negative manifestations associated with an insecure attachment to his mother, know that the quality of attachment can change over time.

True, changing it will not be so easy. But in life there are different situations, and among them there are almost no irreparable ones. A child of any age will benefit from your open love, unconditional acceptance, sensitive attention and stability in relationships.

Sensitivity

The correct strategy for a mother's behavior should be responsiveness and sensitivity.

No child’s signal should go unanswered. Crying, smiling, babbling, looking - the mother notices them and immediately interacts with the child. Any initiative of the baby is supported, his feelings do not go unnoticed.

Sensitivity means that a mother instinctively understands her child. She knows what the baby wants, why he cries, how to calm him down, what action will be correct in this particular situation.

Often young mothers, having read specialized literature and listened to the advice of their elders, are afraid to trust their instinct. Of course, the mother must be competent in matters of health and education; mistakes are unacceptable here. But there are such subtle areas of interaction between mother and child in which truisms will not help. And here it would be right to listen to yourself and your child, to believe in yourself.

How to form an emotional connection with your child

Attachment does not appear at the moment of birth. To establish a connection with the baby, you need to behave correctly from the first days of the baby’s life. Eye contact, a gentle voice, a willingness to help – we intuitively understand the importance of some actions. The remaining secrets of mutual understanding can be learned by following simple rules.

Become a stone wall for your son or daughter. A feeling of security and a sense of comradeship is the basis of a trusting relationship. To raise a genius, it is not enough to simply send your child to the AMAKids Academy for the Development of Intelligence. Provide freedom, give opportunities, encourage initiative and be there in times of difficulty.
Find opportunities to communicate. Joint games and hobbies will help strengthen spiritual relationships even stronger. In this case, it absolutely does not matter what you do - master the Liberica method or make crafts. By spending time together, you will learn more about his interests and be able to establish useful traditions.
Learn to express emotions. High emotional intelligence is the ability to easily adapt to the world around you and feel harmonious. Help your child learn to show and manage emotions. Observe his reactions, put yourself in his shoes and don’t be shy about expressing your own feelings. Open emotions can help you build connections and teach important skills.
Be patient. From an early age, children torment their parents with hysterics and whims. Preschoolers are mischievous, unable to express their feelings, teenagers try to manipulate adults. One way or another, your task is to always stay close. Try to redirect the attention of the little troublemaker, help him get out of an unpleasant situation by offering an interesting game or joint activities. For example, sign up for the AMAKids Intelligence Development Academy and try together to complete a quest with mental arithmetic tasks.
Be predictable. Try to maintain a daily routine, introduce simple rules and follow them with the whole family. This way you will make life more measured and safe, and your little fidget will know exactly what is required of him and when.
Love your baby. Feel free to openly show love and affection. A sense of security, a sense of attention and care will help establish warm, trusting relationships. Over the years, the attachment will become stronger, instilling in your child self-confidence and a desire to explore the entire Universe.

Afterword

Attachment is a system of relationships between a child and an adult. In it, the baby learns the basics of social interaction, learns cooperation, respect, understanding the feelings of other people, love, and friendship. Attachment characteristics are passed on from generation to generation.

Lack of affection, as well as excess, are dangerous. In the first case, the child is afraid to explore the world, is unsure of himself, and feels unwanted. In the second case, due to excessive guardianship or maternal fear of being abandoned, the child grows up to be dependent. I'm sure you know the situations of unhappy 40-year-old men who are unable to part with their mother. For some reason, daughters are less likely to find themselves in such dependence.

Sources

https://soznatelno.ru/privyazannost-k-rebenku/
https://psychologist.tips/3402-chto-takoe-detskaya-privyazannost-ee-vliyanie-i-vidy-detskaya-privyazannost-kak-osnova-lichnosti.html
https://badiga.ru/deti/deti-do-2-x-let/rebenok-silno-privyazan-k-mame/
https://mirokru.ru/razvitie-jemocionalnoj-privjazannosti-rebenka/
https://razvitie-krohi.ru/psihologiya-detey/rebenok-ne-otpuskaet-mamu-ot-sebya-chto-delat.html
https://baby-ved.ru/vospitanie-doshkolnika/nadesznaya-privyazannost/

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