The influence of parents on the formation of a child's personality
Irina Mironova
The influence of parents on the formation of a child's personality
Mironova Irina Vladimirovna
Municipal preschool educational institution
“General developmental kindergarten No. 29, Krasny Oktyabr village”
Russia, Belgorod
THE INFLUENCE OF PARENTS ON THE FORMATION OF A CHILD’S PERSONALITY
The formation of a child’s personality and his mental state largely depend on the parents and the relationship between them. Parents have a significant influence from the moment the baby is born. It is difficult to say to what extent it will subsequently be possible to correct the first impressions that a newborn will have when meeting the images of his father and mother. The role of parents in the formation of a child’s personality is very difficult to overestimate, since these are the people who are directly involved in raising a new person [5. P. 46].
When a child is born , he does not yet understand where he is and why. He knows nothing about the world around him, which is initially limited to his family for the baby. It is the attitude of the parents that determines the further development of the child , his future perception of the world.
Almost every parent thinks that since we love our children, spend time with them, communicate with them and discipline them correctly, we ensure their optimal development. It's right. However, a more fundamental basis for the formation of a child’s personal development is laid not only by methods of education, but also by who the parent is as a person . Personal qualities of parents , their own behavior and attitude are the main factors influencing the formation of a child’s sense of self , his perception of himself.
Children, like a sponge, daily absorb obvious and subtle manifestations of their parents , their relationships, manners and worldview, which significantly shape their children's individuality.
Parents have a set of their own personal qualities that they either inherited from their parents or acquired in interaction with significant people, the world and as a result of unique life experiences . Even the most well-intentioned parent unknowingly influences their child in both positive and negative ways. This is a universal and inevitable condition [1. P. 83].
It is useful for parents to know how they shape the child's personality and try, if possible, to prevent the replication of unwanted behavioral habits that they consider unworthy for their own children. Ideally, a mother is a source of life experience for a small child . If she provides warmth and is sensitive to the baby's needs, he will develop with a strong sense of integrity. If the child's mother suppresses him , shows coldness, depression, anger or hostility, the child's development will be disrupted .
The natural bond between mother and child can be very strong and last for decades. The baby is able to recognize her among other women if the mother takes him in her arms. But how can such a small creature distinguish its mother? Firstly, the child recognizes her heart rate, and secondly, the smell; external signs do not interest him yet. Until the age of 2, babies have a fairly strong psychological and physical connection with their mother. This attachment occurs because she initially gives him food (breast milk)
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Therefore, the child reacts so sensitively to her mother’s psychological and physical state. The child perceives the mother as the only means for his existence. Until the final formation of the baby’s personality, the mother will be the most significant person for him, because she not only feeds him, but is also a reliable protection against the dangers surrounding him. Most children even adopt behavioral traits from their mother, considering themselves one with her. The connection between mother and child can be maintained even at a certain distance [3.
P. 68]. The formation of a parent-child relationship occurs much later: acquaintance and contact with dad occurs gradually, and in order for the baby to recognize him as a family member, a certain time must pass, he must first get used to him. Basically, the fulfillment of paternal responsibilities and the formation of the father's image begins when the baby emerges from infancy and the attachment to the mother weakens. The main task of parents is to ensure the child's for protection and safety. At first, most of this task is assigned to the mother, and only over time does the father become involved in this process. In the future, the father, as the head of the family, must take full responsibility for the safety and protection of the baby. The formation of the child’s idea of the correctness of the family structure, as well as his mental development, largely depends on how he fulfills this responsibility P. 117].
Fathers are meant to encourage the young child to actively interact and establish relationships with the world outside the mother's embrace. The father tells the child about the world , he takes him with him to different places , engages in various joint activities and shows the child ways to interact with the world around him. If a child’s father is a confident person who loves and is able to talk captivatingly about the world outside the mother’s safety zone, this world is perceived by the child as a welcoming and interesting place with which he can safely interact. However, if the father himself has difficulty interacting with the world around him, then the child may adopt a similar way of thinking and lack the tools for his own successful interactions.
Even the most loving parents can pass on unwanted symptoms of negative views to their children without knowing it. Here are some common examples.
Excessive importunity of parents can lead to the opposite result - the child will be secretive and not too generous. When children grow up in an atmosphere of excessive intrusiveness, intrusive parents , secretive behavior often becomes a habit. This may have consequences for the child in the future when he or she wants to form deep friendships or romantic relationships and finds that they are unable to share their deep feelings.
If parents overly criticize a child in an attempt to teach him to do things right, this can cause the child to become passive and indecisive, fearing that his decisions may be criticized and judged [6. P. 128].
Children raised in a home where parents love them but constantly argue with each other may become insecure because their sense of inner integrity and security will be compromised.
Parents who are overprotective of their children may contribute to the development of depressive symptoms in their children because they force them to inhibit their natural need for exploration and freedom.
Therefore, during the child’s relationship with his parents, obvious or hidden symptoms of the parents’ personal problems , and life in an atmosphere of unresolved emotional problems of the parents affects the consciousness of the child as he grows up.
In conclusion, it should be noted that difficulties in the development of a child’s personality parents have inconsistent or opposing positions regarding upbringing. This can result in the child having significant difficulty adopting socially accepted behaviors , developing self-control, and a sense of responsibility. He may avoid something new, unexpected, unknown - out of fear that when confronted with this new thing he will not be able to choose the right way of behavior.
A positive factor in the development of a child’s personality , the desire to be included in a close relationship with parents , is a favorable emotional atmosphere in the family, which is mainly created by parents with their love , care, patience, acceptance, and wisdom.
BIBLIOGRAPHICAL LIST
1. Adler, A. The Science of Living [Text] / A. Adler. – M.: Direct-Media, 2018. – 259 p.
2. Spiritual and moral foundations of the family: Ethics and psychology of family life: Part 1: The island of spiritual life [Text] // Part 2: Family in Russian literature: A reader for teachers (compiled by T. G. Kislitsina; edited by. Edited by Doctor of Philological Sciences Troitsky V. Yu.) Ed. 2nd, rev. Series: Bibles. – M.: Lights, 2020. – 256 p.
3. Ilyin, V. A. Archeology of childhood: psychological mechanisms of family life [Text] / V. A. Ilyin. – M.: Klass, 2012. – 208 p.
4. Kalinina, R. R. Introduction to the psychology of family relationships [Text] / R. R. Kalinina. - M.: Rech, 2014. - 352 p.
5. Kovalev, A. G. Psychology of family education [Text] / A. G. Kovalev. - M.: Narodnaya Asveta, 2020. - 256 p.
6. Schneider, L. B. Fundamentals of family psychology [Text] / L. B. Shneider. - M.: MPSI, MODEK, 2020. - 928 p.
Lineal heirs: how much do genes influence a child’s character?
When genes have nothing to do with it
Similarity to dad or mom
It’s clear that when a son or daughter is like two peas in a pod like mom or dad, no one would even think of arguing about the influence of heredity. We are talking about the child’s manifestations of character traits of one or another parent, behavior pattern. And most often those traits, the presence of which in one spouse terribly annoys the other. And the more the child repeats these hateful traits, the more the parent becomes convinced of his incorrigibility.
Although in fact, a child can repeat the behavior of, for example, his father not at all because of severe heredity, but simply because he sees his example before his eyes. The child absorbs the style of behavior, communication and interaction with the world that is accepted in his family.
Bad behavior
Often parents first let the child’s upbringing take its course. And when it turns out that the child does not know how to behave - he is rude, lies, does not think about others, etc., everything is immediately attributed to severe heredity.
Meanwhile, if from the very beginning his parents had clearly defined for him the boundaries of what was permitted and clearly explained that it was impossible to take someone else’s property, be rude, offend the weak, etc., you see, such problems would not have arisen.
In addition, a child’s bad behavior can also be caused by a lack of attention and warmth from parents. And, as we have already said, the child thus tries to make up for this lack.
In any case, the child’s behavior depends to a greater extent on the qualities that the parents show now, rather than passing on by inheritance.
Child's reluctance to do anything
Parents often attribute their child’s reluctance to engage in anything - music, sports, studies, and finally, again, to genes. Due to the influence of which, the child has no interest in studying, does not have the proper perseverance, and generally cannot concentrate on anything. “He was born like this, just like his father (grandfather, uncle, etc.),” the mother or grandmother sighs mournfully, transferring all responsibility for what is happening to the owner of the dysfunctional genes.
But in fact, the problem is most likely not that the child is not able to do anything. But the fact is that this activity is imposed by parents and therefore simply does not attract.
For example, a mother dreams of her child studying music. And when he sees the piano, he just wants to hang himself. Moreover, regardless of whether there were music lovers in his family or not. Hence the restlessness, the reluctance to study, and everything that parents so readily explain by the influence of genes.
You should not ignore the desires and interests of the child himself, and then, most likely, you will not have to complain about bad heredity.
Basics of family education
Family is an important value for the life and development of every person. It is of great importance in the life of society and the state, in the education of the younger generation. The highest value of society is a healthy, strong, friendly, prosperous family.
The main category in pedagogy is represented by the concept of “education”. In a narrow sense, it consists of the process of feeding and feeding a child. It is generally accepted that this concept was introduced into science by the Russian educator I. I. Betskoy in the mid-18th century. This man's main activity was focused on creating a "new breed of people" through education.
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Family education is also of great importance in the spiritual, moral and social formation of the younger generation. The family environment must combine the parenting style, the personal characteristics of the parents and the conditions in which the family finds itself. The family's lifestyle influences the development of the child's personality and self-image.
Education in families occurs in the following areas:
- Physical;
- Aesthetic;
- Labor;
- Mental;
- Moral (occurs as one grows older).
The main goal of family education is the development of important personality qualities that can help her cope with the difficulties encountered in life. Important tasks in education include the development of creative abilities, intelligence, culture, physical health, and initial work experience. In general, the happiness and well-being of the future generation depends on the family. It is parents who are the first educators.
What influences raising children?
What has a greater influence on the formation of personality and character - heredity or upbringing? The answer to this question has been sought for decades. It is obvious that personality in many respects is shaped by upbringing, so everything that concerns the educational influence on the child and what influences the choice of parenting style is so important.
Economic factors in raising children
Of course, money is not the key to family happiness. Rich families can be dysfunctional for many reasons, for example, due to the wrong parenting strategy. However, the financial situation of the family has a very big impact on raising children , because if parents have to spend most of their time at work to provide for the family, the child suffers from loneliness and lack of parental involvement. And, of course, it depends on the availability of finances what the child will be provided with and what he will be deprived of in material terms. For example, whether he will have his own expensive toys, or he will only be able to watch from the sidelines as his peers play with the latest gaming innovations, I feel deprived.
The influence of a single-parent family on raising a child
The presence of both or only one parent is one of the key factors influencing the upbringing of children . If a parent is raising a child alone, he has an incomparably greater burden of problems: he has to spend a lot of time at work in order to fully provide for the family. Of course, because of this, the child is deprived of parental attention, which increases the risk of falling into bad company. If the parent remarries or gets married, there may be complications in the relationship and conflicts in the family due to the new spouse.
Raising the parents themselves
The upbringing that parents received significantly influences not only their own personality, but also the personality of their child. If a parent was raised in a dysfunctional family where violence was commonplace, it is likely that he may adopt the parenting tactics of his parents. On the other hand, it is possible that with his own children the parent will try to compensate for what he himself was not given in childhood: if, say, the father of one of the parents was emotionally cold and distant, having become a parent, he can overprotect the child without leaving him personal space.
Relationships between parents and teachers
As in any relationship, constructive dialogue comes first in the relationship between parents and their child’s teachers. To be sure that the child is developing normally, parents must constantly be in contact with teachers; only in this case will they be able to help the child if he has difficulties. In addition, this is a great way to monitor not only academic progress, but also the socialization of a child, as well as prevent conflict or resolve a situation when, for example, bullies bully him.
Moscow psychologists told how parents' behavior affects children
“I tell him, I tell him, but he doesn’t understand!” “It’s like he doesn’t hear me.” “I can’t come to an agreement with my child.” When visiting a psychologist, most parents of teenagers express such complaints. Moms and dads feel disappointment, anxiety and even anger from powerlessness and loss of a sense of control over the child’s behavior. It seems to them that yesterday the still obedient baby was replaced. Old methods of education stop working, and many parents are confused and looking for new ways to influence their child. Family psychologist Tatyana Mishina spoke about the peculiarities of raising older children and the influence of parents’ behavior patterns on the development of a child’s personality.
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Role behavior in the family
The role model of the father and mother is a role model for the child, one might say, his standard, to which children, as it were, try on their own behavior.
At a young age, they without judgment, as a given, accept the personality of the parent and all his rules. Usually in families where there is consistency in upbringing (that is, a clear system of rules and requirements, rewards and punishments has been formed in the family), the child quickly learns how to behave.
In families with a chaotic parenting style (where parents constantly change their attitude and requirements for the child, for example, depending on their mood), the situation is more complicated - children intuitively grasp the features of the parental style and understand from an early age that “if you can’t, but if you really want to, then it’s possible.” The child tries to guess the parent’s reaction to his every action, and this reaction is unpredictable for him, which means his behavior gets out of control. Children in such families often unconsciously learn to manipulate others.
Children and our influence on them
At an older age (11–13 years), the child begins to develop critical thinking, and he evaluates the personality of the parent, noticing some shortcomings and character difficulties. Mom and dad “come off their pedestal” and are criticized by their own child. Usually at this moment the adult feels a loss of control - just yesterday, obedient children begin to argue and contradict on any occasion, bicker and openly ignore demands. Little by little, in conversations, the child increasingly challenges the opinions of adults - notorious phrases like “what do you understand ...”, “this was in your time, but now ...”, “no one has done this for a long time ...” appear.
The child evaluates the behavior (role models) of parents in different situations - communication with him and with each other, with close relatives, at home, at work, in society, etc. He takes some behavior as a model and imitates it, some then, on the contrary, it rejects. It happens that older children even begin to be embarrassed by their parents if they evaluate them as unsuccessful in some way. In this case, they will most likely try to choose another role model, outside the family, as an example to follow.
An older child can somehow come to terms with and forgive the parent’s shortcomings that have been revealed to him, but he is very sensitive to the hypocrisy of adults. If parents say one thing and do another, the child sees contradictions between the requirements and values of the parents and their own behavior. In this case, teenagers react especially sharply - with rebellion, protest, and begin to deliberately break the rules.
For example, if a father conducts motivational conversations about the dangers of smoking in a smoky kitchen with a cigarette in his hands, such conversations are unlikely to be successful. Demanding from a child a variety of achievements in sports, parents should also evaluate their forms of leisure: are they not limited to passive relaxation, for example, watching TV? While complaining about a child’s dependence on gadgets, mom or dad may not pay attention to how much time they themselves spend on the computer and phone.
The role model of the behavior of the father and mother determines what influence the parents will have on the child and how authoritative their opinion will be for him. If adult behavior is unpredictable, chaotic and contradictory, children may exhibit the same behavior patterns and at the same time ignore their parents' calls for discipline.
How to raise children by example
Starting from a child’s early age, literally from birth, parents should think about what kind of behavior they demonstrate to their children. It is worth asking yourself the question more often: “How does my behavior fit with my values that I teach my child, as well as with my requirements for him?” When faced with behavioral problems in children, mothers and fathers must first analyze how they themselves contributed to the formation of the problem.
If a parent wants to instill a certain character trait or value in a child, they must first become a living example, demonstrating a pattern of behavior that the child will want to imitate.
In a culturally developed family, children more often grow up with a complex mental organization and good taste. A neat mother is likely to have a neat daughter. Of course, in adolescence, as a protest to parents, a child can behave radically opposite to family values. But, as practice shows, already in adolescence and later in adulthood, a person rethinks family values and accepts them, and can also follow the family script - consciously or not, following the priorities of his parents.
If you notice that you have difficulties communicating with older children and cannot cope on your own, contact the family centers in Moscow “My Family Center”, and psychologists will advise you, help you analyze the family situation and identify difficulties that have led to disruption in relationships and then find an effective solution to the problem.
