If you are about 40 years old, and are increasingly having sad thoughts that half of your life is behind you, your youth is gone, the future seems sad and unpromising, then most likely you are having a midlife crisis. A woman in her 40s can have a crisis at either 35 or 45. The severity of the crisis is different for each woman. Some even manage to avoid it.
Experts' opinion
Now psychologists believe that both men and women at a certain age come to reassess their previous priorities - spouse, profession, life meanings, so this is a difficult moment - the transition from the first half of life to the second. According to Jung, inner discord is proof of true existence. What takes root during this period will bear psychological fruits over the coming years for the individual.
Where and why does it appear?
The causes of the crisis may be the following:
- unsuccessful personal life. Women who are not married experience decreased self-esteem, depression, and uncertainty about the future. Married people may experience disappointment in family life and fatigue from constant worries;
- signs of aging begin to appear: wrinkles, sagging skin, cellulite;
- problems at work. If there is no career advancement, there comes a turning point;
- comparison with the achievements of others. When failures occur, a woman experiences a feeling of shame on an unconscious level.
But ladies who are successful in life can also feel a crisis. There is indifference to one's previous successes.
Symptoms of midlife crisis in women
There are a large number of characteristic symptoms that accompany a midlife crisis in women. But some characteristic signs are most common. They are usually divided into two large groups: external and behavioral.
External symptoms include:
1. Diffidence
. A woman is bombarded with everything at once: regret about the mistakes of the past, lack of significant successes, dissatisfaction with life, the first gray hairs and wrinkles, clearly visible in the mirror. Of course, her level of self-confidence plummets.
2. Sudden mood swings
. Most women during a midlife crisis experience strong dissatisfaction with their lives. This leads to sudden mood swings, irritability, unmotivated anger at others, dissatisfaction with oneself and loved ones.
3. Depression
. The feeling that many dreams are no longer destined to come true can provoke long-term depression.
4. Lack of ambition
. During a midlife crisis, a woman has to give up many plans and admit her own failures. At the same time, new dreams and plans do not appear immediately, so for some time she feels depressed and does not strive for anything.
5. Sleep problems
. Mood swings, stress and depression significantly impair sleep quality.
6. Dramatic positive changes in life
. At some point, a woman realizes that she should not give up, so she takes the situation into her own hands and begins to work hard on herself. She starts playing sports, takes better care of herself, and tries to improve her personal life. Married women during times of crisis often take lovers in order to feel desired again.
7. New interests, hobbies
. Wanting to find something new, a woman begins to take up painting, music, dancing, extreme sports and other unusual activities.
It is important to consider that the last two items on this list do not apply to everyone. If a woman does not fill her life with meaning in time, she may completely lose interest in everything. Having decided that there is nothing left to strive for, she may stop taking care of herself or get bogged down in bad habits.
Behavioral symptoms include:
1. The desire to “update” everything around you
. A woman quits her job to do something completely new, thinks about moving, tries to start a new relationship.
2. Comparing yourself with others
. The midlife crisis in women (as well as in men) is often accompanied by dissatisfaction with one’s own successes. They begin to compare their achievements with those of others, and prefer to focus on the most successful people.
3. Loser complex
. As noted above, a woman compares herself only with the most successful people. She doesn't look at her classmates who are unhappy in their marriages or have already gotten divorced. She looks at the most successful of them and it makes her feel like a failure.
4. Tendency to lie about age
. Realizing that her youth is passing, she begins to feel complex because of this, so she increasingly lies about her age.
What role do hormones play?
During this difficult time, menopause begins, estrogen production drops, and libido decreases. The fat layer atrophies, and the amount of collagen that keeps the skin smooth and elastic decreases. Metabolism slows down and many women begin to gain weight, even if they have not changed their usual diet. It has been noted that having a full-fledged sex life in a marriage helps maintain hormonal health.
Important! Menopause (translated from Greek as “step”) is the transition from puberty to old age.
How to recognize that a crisis is coming?
Some characteristic signs of an unpleasant condition can be identified:
- changeable mood;
- tense relationships with others;
- the desire to go anywhere and leave everything behind;
- reality does not live up to expectations. There is a feeling of unrealized possibilities;
- a lot of negative emotions appear, pessimism takes over in solving all problems;
- thoughts about approaching old age and past youth increasingly plunge one into despondency;
- birthday becomes a sad date;
- desire for change - change appearance, change job, place of residence, get a divorce;
- loved ones disappoint, offend and do not understand.
Changes in appearance
Seeing the first gray hair and wrinkles, skin losing tone, a tendency to gain weight - a woman reacts very sharply to all this.
In addition, there is a weakening of physical strength, it takes more time to sleep, there is not enough energy for what was previously so easy to do and gave pleasure. Having lost their former attractiveness, women try with all their might to regain it. If possible, they resort to plastic surgery, apply bright makeup, and try to restore youth with fashionable clothes, which often do not correspond to their age. And yet their appearance does not improve .
Over time, a person develops a facial mask. After all, emotions are reflected on the face when some muscles work while others remain unloaded. Drooping corners of the mouth, drooping eyelids, wrinkles are a consequence of internal dissatisfaction, irritation, anger, and all the negative emotions experienced by a person. And over the years, all this is imprinted on the face. How often can you see women with a dissatisfied expression on their face that has become their second essence? And if you don’t forget that up to 53 muscles work when you smile, maybe smiling more often and the expression of senile disgust will never spoil your appearance?
Inner well-being and health
Yes, sores begin to appear that you don’t even think about. Sometime in youth, a sprained and healed leg begins to ache due to the weather. Something is happening to the stomach, sudden dizziness appears, and the pressure is jumping. Increased fatigue, mild forgetfulness - everything is attributed to the age crisis. As sad as it may be, it’s time to immediately consult a doctor; it is advisable to undergo a full examination of the body, including an MRI of the brain. This is a period of perestroika, and we must go through it fully armed to know what is possible and what is not.
Don’t forget: the time has come when life has become so “settled down” that every day is like a twin. Under such conditions, the brain stops adapting to new situations and does not react so quickly to all events. So don’t let it “dry out”: the main thing is what’s in your head, then your eyes will be bright, a smile on your lips, and wrinkles will be reborn into good rays.
What is a midlife crisis?
A midlife crisis is a special psychological and emotional state that occurs in a person at the moment when he realizes how quickly time flies. In women, this awareness is often accompanied by depression, apathy, feelings of emptiness and disappointment. There comes an understanding that dreams will no longer come true and the time has come to give them up. And, as you know, giving up on a dream is very painful.
According to the World Health Organization, women usually experience a midlife crisis between 30 and 45 years of age. These boundaries are very conditional and depend on many factors, such as upbringing, health, appearance, status, education, etc. There is also no clear data on the duration of the midlife crisis for women, but on average it lasts for 2-3 years. At the same time, the woman’s character changes greatly, she becomes more demanding, often withdraws into herself, which usually causes close people to be offended.
What can women expect at 40?
After forty, there is still enough energy for achievements, and if you add accumulated knowledge and life experience plus self-esteem - and in front of you is a feminine tank, decorated with daisies , which will sweep away all obstacles in its path to achieve your goal. This is the age of the beginning of a new, meaningful stage in life. What previously seemed incomprehensible suddenly surprises with its simplicity.
A lady at this age feels more attractive than at 20 - she knows her advantages and knows how to emphasize them . And he appreciates himself for it. A harmoniously developed, experienced, intelligent, independent person cannot but command respect. Men don’t let people like that pass, so it’s not surprising that a plus woman has a large number of fans.
How does a crisis begin?
The onset of a midlife crisis occurs differently for all women and largely depends on temperament. If a woman is prone to hypochondria, she will begin to “identify” signs of a crisis in herself long before its actual onset. At the same time, an optimistic and cheerful woman may not even realize that she is going through an age crisis. She will behave energetically and impulsively, look for new hobbies, try to change something for the better, without even realizing the real reason for this behavior.
The onset of a midlife crisis in women can be divided into two main stages:
1. Loss of illusions
. The understanding comes that almost all dreams and plans were too naive, and it’s time to abandon them. This causes a feeling of emptiness, the need for new goals and plans is felt, but nothing comes to mind.
2. Liminality (transitional stage)
. At this stage, a woman begins to reconsider her life priorities. Plans, goals and prospects are still not defined, but unfulfilled dreams are no longer depressing.
The crisis of 50-year-olds and its problems
In fact, the “tension” begins a year or two before the fifty-kopeck mark. The phrase “45 is a woman’s berry again” is still warming, but the numbers 50 are not perceived in relation to oneself. That's for me? For what? Someone is so panicked that the woman remains 47 for another 5 years. She “forgets” to celebrate birthdays, does not show her passport to any stranger, not noticing that the children are growing up, and it will soon turn out that she gave birth to her eldest daughter almost in kindergarten.
It is at this age that women sacrificially undergo plastic surgery, trying to jump on the departing train, because there is a terrible, inevitable old age ahead, and you don’t want to enter it as an old woman. So what awaits?
- uselessness;
- loneliness;
- ailments;
- death.
And there is also the fear of not meeting expectations . Impressive numbers must be met. By these years there should be a standard set consisting of such points as:
- stable work with a fairly high position and respect from the team, bringing moral satisfaction;
- an established family where love and respect are equal;
- grown children, preferably with their families, with whom good, trusting relationships are maintained;
- substantial own housing;
- faithful friends;
- sufficient material wealth to satisfy all (or almost all) needs.
If any item is left out, suffering may begin. How come, for so many years, but something is missing. But in life everything happens! In the case where you have faith in yourself, in your own strengths, and even the support of loved ones - 50 is just a number. Don't forget about the benefits that age brings . You no longer depend on the opinions of others, because your own is already established and has the right to be expressed.
You can safely tell a young man that he is very attractive and you like him. Your age gives you the right. And I don't care what he thinks about it. And if this is a store salesperson or a gas station attendant, bonuses in the provision of services are guaranteed. You may not keep your apartment dazzlingly clean because you want to lie on the sofa with a book or stupidly watch a TV series with a cup of tea and a couple of sandwiches, and no one will judge you for it.
You can finally relax in life , stop wearing heels and throwing out trash, and buy comfortable slippers. But! In case of an emergency appearance - manicure, pedicure, stylish haircut, couture outfit. And you hear someone whispering from behind: “How many, how many?” Half a ruble? Well, it can’t be!” You made them!
Causes of midlife crisis in women
To understand how to overcome a midlife crisis, you need to understand its main causes. The main reason is usually the final realization that plans are at odds with reality, ideals turned out to be too naive, and many dreams can no longer be realized. More specifically, the most common reasons are:
1. Dissatisfaction with your life partner
. A midlife crisis is usually associated with deep reflection by a person about at what point in his life he “took a wrong turn.” And women often come to the conclusion that the biggest mistake in their lives was choosing a husband.
2. Family conflicts
. Between the ages of 30 and 40, most women experience frequent conflicts with their family or their husband's family. Relatives always find reasons and reasons for quarrels. They can be related to career, habits, buying curtains, arranging furniture, raising children and other features of everyday life.
3. No children
. Most women feel very disappointed if they still don't have children by age 30. The situation is often aggravated by parents who constantly remind their daughter that the children of all her school friends and classmates have already gone to school.
4. Incompatibility of plans and desires
. This often happens when a woman builds a career. By the age of 30, she realizes that she wants to have a child, but is afraid of losing her job.
5. Lack of career
. If before this a woman was only concerned with children and family affairs, now she thinks that it would be nice to have a good job. These worries are intensified by concerns about whether she will be able to independently provide for her children in the event of a divorce from her husband.
Of course, every woman has her own reasons. But it is important to take into account that even the most successful representatives of the fair sex, who have quite successful careers and personal lives, experience a midlife crisis. Still, there are always unfulfilled dreams and unrealized plans that cause regret. Therefore, there is no need to worry about this crisis. It’s better to work on taking this opportunity to make as many positive changes as possible in your life.
Can you help yourself?
Only a woman herself can pull herself out of the swamp . And by the hair. You can, for example:
- make your life easier. At least for 2 months. Significant loads and the habit of carrying everything on your back are a bad help in dealing with a crisis;
- come up with a hobby; if you don’t have a hobby, do what you like more often. Hormones of joy are produced precisely when doing what you love;
- visit distant relatives, call and make an appointment with a friend whom you have not seen for a long time, travel, at least within your own place of residence, have picnics with loved ones, at least in a park or square on a bench;
- start going to the pool, do fitness, sign up for self-development training, start learning languages (for example, Chinese) and start corresponding with a Beijing resident in his native dialect.
Rational reasoning is ineffective during a crisis. Much healthier is a walk, a candlelit dinner with a pleasant person, or a good sleep . It is impossible to give a universal recipe in such a situation. Don’t fight age, maturity also has its own charm – so have fun. A child's dress is no longer enough, so buy an evening dress!
Is it possible to prevent the attack?
Many economists believe that a crisis is not only a decline, but also a time to act, a time of metamorphosis, a time of maturity and responsibility for oneself and the future. This is the case with the turning point in a woman’s life. You are not the first and not the last to walk this thorny path.
Some people cannot do without professional help, while for others, a week of crying into their pillow, a heart-to-heart conversation with their husband, gatherings with friends, singing songs and reminiscing about how young we were is enough. But then a surge of strength begins, new magnificent opportunities.
