Raising children 2-3 years old | Consultation on the topic:

- I myself! - Yurik insistently demanded at two and a half years old. It’s not that they didn’t take him into account before, didn’t ask for his opinion, but now he formulated his desire in exactly this way, firmly defending the right to independence. I’ll dress myself, I’ll wash myself, I’ll know what to eat, where to go for walks!

0 265 September 22, 2009 at 09:56 pm Author of the publication: Olga Knyazeva, educational psychologist

Raising a three-year-old child - “We’ve arrived”...

It just didn’t fit in my head: my baby, who until recently was snoring peacefully in the cradle, requiring constant parental attention and care, has grown up! It hasn't happened for three years. There is no longer any need to support his head, no need to back him up at every step, no need to figure out something to keep him occupied. It’s an amazing thing, he can do a lot on his own, without my help. The son clearly sought to make his own decisions.

Am I ready for such changes? What difficulties await me when raising a three-year-old child? Let's turn to the theory of the issue.

Cutting the umbilical cord

The mother carries the child for nine months. They are like one with him. With the cutting of the umbilical cord, the newborn begins to breathe, eat, drink, sleep on his own, but still needs the constant support of his mother and is entirely dependent on his parents.

The baby quickly and sometimes unnoticed by his teachers grows up. At first, the family joyfully celebrates every month since his birth, then for six months, then every new year - like an adult. But many mothers find themselves unprepared for the famous three-year crisis.

Favorable development: tips for parents

At 3-4 years old, it is important for a child to be treated as an equal, as with a small adult.

His self-esteem is formed under the influence and evaluation of his parents. It is necessary for the child to understand: even if he has committed a bad act, for mom and dad he still remains good and loved.

It is necessary to encourage the child’s independence, not to suppress his initiative.

There is no need to criticize the child’s still inept actions. It is important for him to feel that an adult believes in him.

During a crisis, parents need to remain calm and not follow the child's lead. You cannot give up your strict demands. But, at the same time, you can give in to your child on not the most fundamental issues, so that he feels that he is taken into account.

It is necessary for the child to understand the difference between the concepts of “possible”, “necessary” and “impossible”.

At 3-4 years old, a person needs to often be in the fresh air and play outdoor games. There is no need to limit his physical activity.

It is necessary to enrich the child’s vocabulary as often as possible, introduce new objects and phenomena, and teach new skills.

We must try to talk with the three-year-old more often, explain the feelings and emotions of him and those around him, and also talk about the consequences of his behavior.

It is important for a child to communicate with peers, study in clubs, independently do feasible homework and take care of himself.

The age of 3-4 years is a difficult and very important period for the development of a child’s psyche. His speech, thinking, and imagination are actively developing. The child becomes more sociable. At the same time, he learns to separate himself from his parents and strives to be considered as an adult. It is important for parents to support their child and provide conditions for the favorable development of his psyche.

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Hello, three-year crisis!

At about three years old, the child clearly declares that the desires of his parents and his desires are different things. The little one begins to be stubborn, self-willed, and do everything against the will of his teachers.

Some adults, raising a three-year-old child, actively resist and suppress the child’s desire for independence. They scold him that he is doing everything wrong. Thus, the child’s initiative is completely destroyed.

They justify their actions quite logically:

- “Why ask a child what he wants? His mother already knows what’s best for him, I have a lot of experience behind me, but what does he have? A naked desire to show your “I”?” “I’m in a hurry, and out of spite he sits and takes a long time tying his shoelaces. Who can stand it? I tied it for him myself, and he made such a roar!” “I am everything for him, everything is for him, but he began to argue like a sheep, he does everything the other way around.”

Others try to do everything for the child themselves. The mother herself will feed him with a spoon, dress him and undress him, put him in a potty or pack him in a diaper, play with him on the playground, zealously protecting him from the negative influence of his peers.

“You never know what they’ll teach. My own mother will not wish anything bad, she will not advise me!” No one will love her anymore. A caring mother lives by the principle: bad parents are those who did not feed their child until retirement. He tries his best to take care of the child, but he has no idea that he is ruining his life with his own hands. He will always find others to blame.

Age-related psychological characteristics of children 2-3 years old. consultation on the topic

AGE PSYCHOLOGICAL CHARACTERISTICS OF CHILDREN 2 – 3 YEARS OLD

A 2-3 year old child is very emotional, but his emotions are fickle, the baby is easily distracted and switched from one emotional state to another. This is facilitated by rhythmic rocking, tossing, stroking, etc. A small child learns only what interests him, and accepts something only from the person he trusts. In this regard, it is very important how the child adapts to kindergarten and whether he experiences emotional comfort in the group.

In children 2-3 years old, the body’s self-regulation mechanisms are not sufficiently formed. The feeling of physical discomfort leads to a sharp decrease in learning efficiency. Discomfort can be caused by the fact that the child did not get enough sleep, he is cold or hot, he is thirsty or hungry, something hurts, etc. The teacher must be sure that nothing is bothering the baby.

Communication in children is situational and personal in nature. This means that each child needs individual attention from the teacher and individual contact with him. Therefore, classes are short-term, structured so that the teacher can speak a little, but with each child individually. Learning at this age occurs both from one’s own practical experience and from imitation of a pleasant adult. At the same time, the child imitates everything that the adult does - both good and bad; both right and wrong.

The peer is not yet of particular interest to the baby and is considered by him as another subject. Children play “next to each other, but not together.” For each other they often become sources of negative emotions.

They are characterized by visually effective thinking; their intellectual development depends on how rich the environment is, i.e. Does it allow you to explore the world around you in a varied and meaningful way, manipulating various objects?

Speech is at the stage of formation; Attention, thinking, memory are involuntary.

Social-emotional development: Plays independently, shows imagination. Likes to be liked by others; imitates peers. Plays simple group games.

General motor skills, hand motor skills: Learns to run, walk on toes, maintain balance on one leg. Sits on his haunches and jumps off the bottom step. He opens the drawer and dumps its contents. Plays with sand and clay. Opens lids, uses scissors. He paints with his finger. Strings beads. Hand-eye coordination: Can turn a phone dial with a finger, draw lines, reproduce simple shapes. Cuts with scissors. Draws a cross based on the model.

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Perception, object-game activity: Looks at pictures. Disassembles and folds the pyramid without taking into account the size of the rings. Selects a paired picture based on a sample.

Mental development: Listens to simple stories. Understands the meaning of some abstract words (big-small, wet-dry, etc.). Asks questions “What is this?” Begins to understand the other person's point of view. Answers “no” to absurd questions. An initial idea of quantity develops (more-less, full-empty).

Speech understanding: There is a rapid increase in vocabulary. Understands complex sentences like: “When we get home, I will...”. Understands questions like: “What do you have in your hands?” Listens to explanations of “how” and “why”. Follows a two-step instruction such as: “First, let’s wash our hands, then we’ll have lunch.”

AGE FEATURES OF MENTAL DEVELOPMENT OF CHILDREN 2 – 3 YEARS OLD

In the third year of life, children become more independent. Subject activity and situational business communication between a child and an adult continue to develop; perception, speech, initial forms of voluntary behavior, games, visual and effective thinking are improved.

The development of objective activity is associated with the assimilation of cultural ways of acting with various objects. Correlative and instrumental actions develop. The ability to perform instrumental actions develops voluntariness, transforming natural forms of activity into cultural ones based on the model proposed by adults, which acts as not only an object of imitation, but also a model that regulates the child’s own activity.

Children's active speech develops intensively. By the age of 3, they master basic grammatical structures, try to construct simple sentences, and use almost all parts of speech when talking with adults. The active vocabulary reaches approximately 1000-1500 words. By the end of the third year of life, speech becomes the child’s means of communication with peers.

At this age, children develop new types of activities: playing, drawing, designing.

The game is procedural in nature, the main thing in it is action. They are performed with game items that are close to reality. In the middle of the third year of life, actions with substitute objects appear.

The emergence of visual activity itself is due to the fact that the child is already able to formulate the intention to depict an object. A typical image is of a person in the form of a “cephalopod” - a circle and lines extending from it.

By the third year of life, visual and auditory orientation improves, which allows children to accurately perform a number of tasks: select from two or three objects according to shape, size and color; distinguish melodies; sing.

Auditory perception is improved, primarily phonemic hearing. By the age of 3, children perceive all the sounds of their native language, but pronounce them with great distortion.

The main form of thinking becomes visual and effective: problematic situations that arise in a child’s life are resolved through real action with objects.

Children of this age are characterized by unawareness of motives, impulsiveness and dependence of feelings and desires on the situation. Children are easily infected by the emotional state of their peers. However, during this period, arbitrariness of behavior begins to take shape. It is due to the development of instrumental actions and speech. Children develop feelings of pride and shame, and elements of self-awareness associated with identification with name and gender begin to form. Early childhood ends with a crisis of 3 years. The child recognizes himself as a separate person, different from the adult. He develops an image of himself. A crisis is often accompanied by a number of negative manifestations: negativism, stubbornness, disruption of communication with adults, etc. A crisis can last from several months to two years.

WE STRIVE FOR INDEPENDENCE. CRISIS 3 YEARS

The crisis of 3 years - the border between early and preschool age - is one of the most difficult moments in a child’s life. The child, separating from adults, tries to establish new, deeper relationships with them. The new position “I am MYSELF”, the increase in his independence and activity, require timely restructuring from close adults. If the new relationship with the child does not work out, his initiative is not encouraged, his independence is constantly limited, and the child actually experiences CRISIS PHENOMENA, which manifests itself in relationships with adults (and never with peers).

The 3-year crisis is characterized by the following behavioral features:

1. Negativism - the child reacts negatively not to the action itself, which he refuses to perform, but to the demand or request of an adult. He does not do something just because a certain adult suggested it to him. Negativism is selective: the child ignores the demands of one family member, but is quite obedient with others. The main motive for action is to do the opposite, that is, the exact opposite of what he was told.

2. Stubbornness is the reaction of a child who insists on something not because he really wants it, but because he himself told adults about it and demands that his opinion be taken into account. His initial decision determines his entire behavior, and the child cannot refuse this decision even under changed circumstances. Stubbornness is not the persistence with which a child achieves what he wants. A stubborn child insists that he doesn’t want it that much, or doesn’t want it at all, or has long since stopped wanting it. Let's say a child is called home and he refuses to leave the street. Having declared that he will ride a bicycle, he will indeed circle around the yard, no matter what he is tempted with (a toy, dessert, guests), although with a completely sad look.

3. During the transition period, obstinacy may appear. It is directed not against a specific adult, but against the entire system of relationships that developed in early childhood, against the norms of upbringing accepted in the family. The child strives to insist on his desires and is dissatisfied with everything that others offer him and do. “Come on!” - the most common reaction in such cases

4. A clear manifestation of the tendency towards independence: the child wants to do everything and decide for himself. In principle, this is a positive phenomenon, but during a crisis it leads to self-will, which causes additional conflicts with adults

5. For some children, conflicts with their parents become regular; they seem to be constantly at war with adults. In these cases they talk about protest - rebellion. In a family with an only child, despotism may appear. The child harshly demonstrates his power over the adults around him, dictating what he will eat and what he won’t, whether his mother can leave home or not, etc. If there are several children in the family, jealousy usually arises instead of despotism: the same tendency to power here acts as a source of jealous, intolerant attitude towards other children who have almost no rights in the family, from the point of view of the “young despot”

6. Depreciation. What is devalued in the eyes of a child? What was previously familiar, interesting and expensive. A 3-year-old child may begin to swear (old rules of behavior are devalued), throw away or even break a favorite toy offered at the wrong time (old attachments to things are devalued), etc. All these phenomena indicate that the child’s attitude towards others is changing to people and to yourself. This is an important stage in the emancipation of a child.

WHAT TO DO IF THE CHILD IS STUBBORN?

Don't give too much importance to stubbornness. Take note of this attack, but don't worry too much about your child. Stay close to your child during an episode of stubbornness and let him feel that you understand how he is suffering. Do not try to instill anything in your child at this time. There is no point in scolding in such a situation. He is very excited and cannot understand you. Be persistent in your behavior with your child. If you said no, continue with that opinion.

HOW TO OVERCOME WHIMES?

* First you need to understand the reasons for whims and stubbornness. They may be:

Violations of the daily routine.

An abundance of new impressions.

Poor health during illness.

Overfatigue (physical and mental).

* You can overcome vagaries if:

All family members will have the same requirements for the child.

They will be firm in their position and make it clear what the word “impossible” means.

They will teach the child to want, i.e. develop persistence in achieving goals.

They will develop the child’s independence in joint activities with adults.

THREE YEAR CRISIS

How parents should behave during a crisis of a three-year-old child.

By who the crisis of a three-year-old child is directed at, one can judge his affections. As a rule, the mother is at the center of events. And the main responsibility for the correct way out of this crisis rests with her. Remember that the baby suffers from the crisis himself. But the crisis of three years is the most important stage in the psychological development of a child, marking the transition to a new stage of childhood. Therefore, if you see that your baby has changed very dramatically, and not for the better, try to develop the right line of behavior, become more flexible in educational activities, expand the rights and responsibilities of the baby and, within reason, give him a taste of independence in order to enjoy it . Know that the child does not just disagree with you, he tests your character and finds weak points in it in order to influence them while defending his independence. He rechecks you several times a day: is what you forbid him really forbidden, or maybe it’s possible. And if there is even a small opportunity “it is possible,” then the child does not achieve his goal from you, but from dad, from grandparents. Don't be angry with him for this. Better yet, properly balance reward and punishment, affection and severity, without forgetting that the child’s “selfishness” is naive. After all, it was we, and no one else, who taught him that any of his desires is an order. And suddenly - for some reason something is impossible, something is forbidden, something is denied to him. We have changed the system of requirements, and it is difficult for a child to understand why. And in retaliation he repeats “no” to you. Don't be offended by him for this. After all, this is your usual word when you raise him. And he, considering himself independent, imitates you. Therefore, when the child’s desires far exceed real possibilities, find a way out in role-playing play, which from the age of three becomes the child’s leading activity. For example, your child does not want to eat, although he is hungry. Don't beg him. Set the table and place a bear on the chair. Pretend that the bear has come for lunch and is asking the baby, like an adult, to try to see if the soup is too hot and, if possible, to feed him. The child, like a big one, sits down next to the toy and, unnoticed by himself, while playing, eats the entire lunch together with the bear. At 3 years old, a child’s self-esteem is flattered if you call him personally on the phone, send letters from another city, ask for his advice, or give him some “adult” gifts such as ballpoint pens for writing. For the normal development of the baby, it is desirable during the crisis of three years for the child to feel that all the adults in the house know that next to you is not a baby, but an equal comrade and their friend.

How parents should not behave during a three-year-old child’s crisis.

* Constantly scold and punish your child for all manifestations of his independence that are unpleasant for you

* Do not say “yes” when a firm “no” is needed. Do not try to smooth out the crisis by any means, remembering that in the future the child’s sense of responsibility may increase.

* Do not accustom your child to easy victories, giving reasons for self-praise, because then any defeat will become a tragedy for him. And at the same time, do not emphasize your strength and superiority over him, opposing him in everything - this will lead a little later either to indifference in everything, or to various types of veiled revenge on the sly. Remember, we consider and evaluate everything that happens to our child from the position of an adult, not him, without understanding much. Most parents are afraid of the crisis only because they have no one to compare their baby with.

Raising a three-year-old child - “Seven Troubles...”

Psychologists have summarized the negative manifestations in the behavior of three-year-old children (at the same time, they clarify that the age limits of the crisis, as well as the time of its passage, are strictly individual): self-will, stubbornness, negativism, obstinacy, protest-rebellion, a symptom of depreciation, despotism.

Baby shower experts offer advice that is common to everyone:

— Don’t say what you can’t do, say what you can do — Remove aggression from relationships with children — Spend more time with your child — Accept him as he is — Don’t change your decisions, go all the way — Encourage good behavior, ignore bad behavior — Give your child the opportunity to get his bearings, gain his own life experience, etc.

There is no pill for all diseases; to cure an ailment, you need to know the specific cause. So it is with the negative manifestations of a three-year-old child’s crisis. To properly raise a three-year-old child, you need to know the child’s individual characteristics, distinguish a fish from a bird, in order to adjust parenting methods.

Mental development

Between two and three years of age, the leap in transformation of children's brains is simply enormous. The child makes progress in learning every day. Usually at this time the baby is surrounded by many educational activities. He is already able to sculpt, cut, string, lace, and glue. All this involves fine motor skills, affecting memory, logic, and thinking in the most direct way. The baby is interested in discovering new types of exercises for his fingers, and the parents’ task is to provide him with this opportunity. Your child's future talents and abilities will manifest themselves in years to come based on the foundation you lay now.

Imagination

The development of a child’s imagination becomes very noticeable. He no longer needs an adult so much to come up with an interesting game. The little one is able to keep himself busy on his own. You can watch him play with toys, for example, building a house from blocks or construction sets.

Sometimes it may even seem like he is talking to himself. This shouldn't be scary. The little one just came up with something and voiced it out loud.

Give your child freedom in games; now you don’t have to regularly rack your brains about what to do with him. You have given your child the right impetus until he is 2 years old, now you need him to learn how to have fun himself, because it is good for his imagination.

Memory

The age of 2-3 years is the right time to train your memory. The child already has a fairly lively mind that grasps everything on the fly. Some children memorize dozens, even hundreds of short poems. If your little one doesn't like poetry that much, still don't neglect the opportunity to share with him something that needs to be remembered.

At 3 years old, a child should already know animals and their voices, the names of objects that surround him, his age, full name, and names of family members. Continue to open up new horizons for him, read fairy tales and poems, not necessarily very childish, but maybe more serious. Try to remember some new information along with it. An approximate set of knowledge of a 3-year-old child can be found on the Internet.

Raising a Three Year Old - What's Happening?

Three years is the first milestone on the path to a child’s independence from his parents. He sets himself apart from the general mass of people. The pronoun “I” appears in his vocabulary. He is aware of his desires. Thirsts to communicate with peers. He feels cramped in the narrow family circle, he tries to go outside. And here the principle works: “they won’t drop their own, they won’t trample on others.”

The “three-year crisis” is the first stage of separation of a child from his parents, primarily from his mother. The baby gradually becomes aware of his “I” and his needs. This awareness in itself is separation. “I want something different, and not what they are doing to me now” - hence the child’s protest mood.

It is important to treat children's needs correctly and adequately. Flexibly, giving the child the opportunity to decide and do as he wants, where possible. And adequately limiting where this cannot be done. Parents' demands should not arise out of nowhere, but be reasonable and understandable to the child. At the same time, the child should feel the readiness of adults to help him, to lend a shoulder in difficult times.

If you understand the vectorial characteristics of your child, this becomes easy to do, and the specific manifestations of your baby begin to be easily amenable to your parental correction.

Author of the publication: Olga Knyazeva, educational psychologist
The article was written based on materials from the training “System-vector psychology”

Difficulties of age

3 years is the age when a serious leap occurs in the development of the child’s psyche.

He begins to realize himself as a separate person, with his own desires and capabilities.

At the same time, the child becomes obstinate, stubborn and disobedient. He wants to do everything himself, but often cannot cope without the help of adults.

These signs indicate that a 3-year crisis is coming.

Psychologists believe that the age at which a crisis occurs is conditional. It can begin at either 2.5 or 3.5 years. Often this period coincides with the beginning of adaptation to kindergarten.

The 3-year crisis has the following symptoms:

negativism. The child strives to do everything in defiance of his parents, sometimes even against his own wishes. For example, he may refuse to go for a walk to his favorite playground.
stubbornness. The child strives to insist on his own at all costs. For example, putting on a hat on a hot summer day.
obstinacy. The three-year-old is dissatisfied with everything that adults offer him to do. Therefore, to all parental demands, he says firmly: “No!”
self-will. For example, a child desperately fights for the right to tie his own shoelaces, which he does not yet know how to tie.
rebellion. Some children may show aggression, chase others away, and throw toys.
depreciation. Children refuse to play with their favorite toys or call their loved ones names.
despoticism. Children require constant attention to themselves and fulfillment only of their desires.

During this difficult period, the child becomes vulnerable and irritable. He really needs the support and attention of an adult, as well as tactile contact with him.

It is important to remember that the 3-year-old crisis is a normal stage of growing up. The child needs to go through it in order to gain self-confidence and independence.