Crisis in women aged 40, ways to overcome it

Age crises are natural phenomena that periodically occur in a person throughout his life. For some people, transition periods go relatively smoothly. During such periods, other people lose the ability to reason sensibly and logically. They lose control of their behavior and plunge into deep depression.

A midlife crisis in men is a difficult ordeal that affects not only the wounded and suffering individual, but also all family members, friends, and colleagues. Moreover, the likelihood of developing a turning point does not depend on a person’s social status, marital status, or material well-being. According to psychologists and doctors, a midlife crisis is an inevitable stage in the life of every man. At the same time, a turning point in adulthood is usually very difficult for an individual and can have extremely negative consequences.

When does a midlife crisis occur in men? Scientists cannot give a definite answer to this question. Each individual is unique, has a different temperament and character. All people differ in their level of emotional stability and use different psychological defense mechanisms. All men have different needs, values, goals, desires, priorities. Therefore, for some guys, age-related catastrophe may occur at 35 years old. Other men will feel a “break in fate” after 40 years.

In the same way, it is impossible to say exactly how long the period of fateful upheavals lasts. Some men very quickly adapt to new physiological and psychological requirements and accept themselves in a different role. Other gentlemen are overwhelmed by mental anguish for a long time, and to overcome the crisis they need the help of experienced psychologists, and often qualified psychotherapists.

What is a midlife crisis

Human life is cyclical. Each period poses its own challenges. In adolescence, it’s about getting to know yourself, starting the path of self-affirmation and separation from your parents. Then going into independence, building a separate life. At the age of 29-35, the so-called “crisis of questions” begins. A person questions the correctness of the path he has chosen, his profession, and his life values in general. The search for new meanings for the second half of life begins, the second powerful round of self-searching. At 35-43 years old, a “crisis of urgency” begins - a clear understanding of one’s own mortality comes. This period is commonly called the “midlife crisis.” Although all these age limits are quite arbitrary, most people experience similar situations. They begin to worry whether life is going right, because it is not endless? Does what they do bring happiness? Have your dreams come true? What will they leave behind?

How is the old age crisis different in the USA, Germany, and Finland?

I wonder if such a concept as the crisis of old age is international? Yes, the age crisis exists outside of time and boundaries, it only differs in the degree of impact. If we recall the reasons for the emergence of the old age crisis, it directly depends on the quality of life of pensioners. Quality is connected with the state policy of caring for the elderly, with the mentality of the people, with national traditions, and the adequacy of the pension system.

Let's compare the traditional activities of pensioners in different countries and evaluate how they cope with the old age crisis.

USA

Retirement in the United States occurs at 65 for women and at 67 for men. The amount of the pension varies, depending on the pensioner’s services to the state, but on average it is $1,164. It is the size of the pension and accumulated funds that become the decisive arguments for the decision to end working life. But part-time work, if health allows, is not a means of survival; it is one of the chances to remain in an active society. Grandparents, as a rule, do not replace eternally busy parents; there is no such tradition.

American retirees are characterized by optimism and an active lifestyle. Are they before the crisis? Many public events are organized for them, both social and commercial. There is a whole industry that makes money from organizing leisure activities for the elderly. Pensioners driving up in their cars, busily getting ready for some meeting, is a common occurrence. There are special media that cover the active life of older people and announce all events. Here you can find a schedule of interest clubs, courses, creative houses created only for older people. The famous communities “Educational Society for Those Over 55+”, “Union of Lovers of Outdoor Games”, societies for connoisseurs of orchids, fishing, antiques, the list goes on and on. Veterans find an outlet in helping those who find it more difficult by working as volunteers.

A large place in the lives of American elders is given to the Church; it is a place of meeting, communication and consolation, a wonderful way to overcome the crisis of old age.

There is an opinion that American retirees with high incomes change their place of residence to a more comfortable one, for example, move to Florida. This is partly true, but in reality everything is more complicated. In Florida and several other states, there are many special benefits and discounts just for seniors. Naturally, it is cheaper to live there; the influx of elderly people forces the infrastructure to adapt to demand and develop a powerful network of medical institutions, nursing homes, and industrial enterprises producing goods for the elderly. Improved conditions entail a new influx of pensioners.

Germany

How do older people live in Europe, and is the elderly crisis threatening residents of Germany?

The state, taking into account length of service, number of children, years of military service and education, calculates pensions from the age of 65. Naturally, it differs from person to person, but on average it amounts to 810 €.

All over the world you can meet optimistic German retirees traveling around the world. It is good practice to visit the sea at least 2 times a year. What's the secret? The national mentality is expressed in pathological frugality and economy. The tours may be cheap, but traveling means new experiences, nature and people, and this is so useful in old age! The crisis will not catch up with them.

Many elderly people in Germany live in special homes, social communities for the elderly. It’s simple: this is the norm; in Germany there is no tradition of living in large families or clans. But it is not customary to take care of elderly parents and relatives. One good thing is that specialized homes for the elderly are well provided by the state and social organizations. Comfortable conditions are created there, a high level of medical care and active leisure are provided.

Finland

Having retired at 65, Finnish pensioners fill gyms, cinemas, and cafes. Traveling, playing sports, and various hobbies help you get through the crisis of old age quickly and painlessly.

The average pension is about 1344 €. If the pension is less, then an amount is added, the so-called “national pension”. The state helps its elderly in the form of significant benefits for cultural events, gyms, purchases of certain goods, medicines, and transportation.

Read material on the topic: Senile egoism

Causes of midlife crisis in men

Between the ages of 37 and 41, many are going through uncertain times. This is not to say that there were no problems before: there were also ups and downs before. But this time something global is superimposed - the understanding that half the path has already been passed. The midlife crisis in men is fueled by several reasons.

Health

. The state of health is lame, there is a decline in vitality. Chronic diseases worsen, and the first signs of erectile dysfunction may appear. Even if a person is completely healthy, natural physical changes appear - harbingers of approaching old age. This is not easy to accept, especially when body image—the way I look—is so valuable.

Role reversal

. At this age, roles change. Children are growing up, some already have grandchildren. At work, everyone seeks advice, and we have to take on more responsibility. Some are not ready for this. The change of role also suggests that formally youth has passed, and this cannot be denied.

Diving deep into yourself.

Questions arise for yourself: how did I live the first half of my life? Have I done truly important and right things? Where did they take me? Am I happier? And these questions are not limited to analyzing your success. Often wealthy people who have invested everything in their careers feel lonely and tired in mid-life, despite their success.

In the middle of life, people often reconsider their lives, evaluate their goals and achievements. Often this kind of assessment leads to the so-called midlife crisis. Probably everyone has had the opportunity to witness the following human reincarnations. An accomplished, respectable man in full bloom of strength and potential suddenly leaves a prestigious job, leaves a prosperous family, leaves somewhere unknown, or simply falls into a prolonged depression. His steps, at first glance, seem somehow strange and illogical. The family abandoned by him is completely confused, his friends are unable to understand and comprehend what happened. Often, the logic and motivation of such actions are not always able to be understood and clearly explained by the hero of these events. To some extent, those who themselves have gone through something similar can understand it. The internal state of a man who has crossed the 30-35 year mark can be characterized by the quote “Having completed half my earthly life, I found myself in a dark forest...” (“The Divine Comedy” by Dante). This condition is usually called a “midlife crisis.” The famous artist Gauguin was originally a successful stockbroker, happy husband and father of five children. At the age of 36, he left his family, went to Paris to paint and eventually become one of the greatest artists of his time. This is what an absolute midlife crisis looks like - out of the blue, it would seem for no reason to completely change the existing way of life, change profession, city, country, get divorced or married. In a less acute form, the crisis manifests itself in original or extreme hobbies, adultery, and tours to exotic countries. A series of crises awaits a person from birth to old age. The first is the neonatal period, adaptation to new conditions. Then the crisis of the first year - the child masters speech and walking upright. The crisis of three years - the baby realizes himself as an independent person and longs for fulfillment. The crisis of seven years - the child learns to study, achieve distant goals, and restrain himself. Puberty is an explosion of hormones, awareness of one’s own sexuality. Growing up, beginning an independent life. Marriage, regular intimate life and parenthood with their annual milestones. The notorious midlife crisis, de facto divided into two - the crisis of thirty years and the crisis of forty-five, also known as the empty nest syndrome. This is one of the most dramatic periods in the life of an adult. Perhaps the midlife crisis is the most serious and significant of those that we go through during our lives. In terms of the intensity of experiences and the power of impact on a person, it is comparable to that of a teenager. And by the way, both crises have something in common with each other not only in this regard. What follows is the crisis of retirement and the “end” of active creative life. And the crisis of old age, when the body’s capabilities weaken completely. The causes of each crisis are complex, including changes in hormonal balance, changes in social roles, and shifts in life values and guidelines.

Description of the problem

The peculiarity of a midlife crisis is the awareness of the transience of time. First, a man needs to think about material well-being, starting a family, and building a career. Gradually, all these issues are resolved, often successfully, but the person still has energy and strength for something else. Just for what? At the same time, he is well aware that his youth is gone and cannot be returned. It is at this moment that a person begins to think about eternal topics: Why am I living? Have I achieved everything in life or am I capable of more? And do I really need everything that I have achieved? It also happens that the answers to the questions you ask yourself cause dissatisfaction. During this period, against the backdrop of intense experiences, a person’s values are reassessed; he can change his plans or completely change his worldview.

“Midlife crisis,” as a concept, is expressed in a physiological and psychological imbalance, in which problems that unexpectedly fall on the shoulders of a man who is at the highest stage of development of his strengths and abilities put him in a dead end. In such a state, a person simply cannot sensibly assess his own situation.

A midlife crisis is an existential crisis when we become aware of our own existence. It turns out to be finite, and questions of death suddenly begin to bother us. We ask ourselves: how much time do we have left and what do I want to accomplish? Being requires meaning in order to get rid of the feeling of uselessness and find one’s place in this world (one’s own irrelevance is a feeling often mentioned during a crisis).

Some authors compare the midlife crisis with the teenage crisis due to its philosophical basis, the tasks of comprehension and self-determination, and the social context. If teenagers define themselves in relation to the worldview, rules and traditions of their parents, then the midlife crisis suggests self-determination in relation to the rules and traditions of society. We can be an illustration of the successful life of a respectable member of society, but inside we feel like the very same character in someone else's film.

The crisis itself is characterized as a turning point, as a result of which unpredictable and problematic situations may arise. One gets the feeling that much more time has been lived than is left. This leads to a rethinking of one's life position.

A midlife crisis does not choose victims. These can be either successful family people with established careers and material income, or single, low-income men.

The feeling of internal distress - a crisis - can be experienced so catastrophically, can be so unbearable that a person tries to escape from it in the most literal sense of the word. Activity increases, risky and impulsive actions are performed - this is especially typical for men. Men act, try to react to their experiences, do something to get rid of them. By the way, perhaps this is why the midlife crisis is so fond of being attributed exclusively to men: everything is in plain sight.

It seems to a man that life is passing by, the best years are behind him, but the result is either not visible or is not pleasing. And the search for thrills begins. The easiest way is to prove your masculine attractiveness. The second most important is a change of job or type of activity.

Due to the feeling of approaching old age and unfulfilled plans, people often lose heart and do not know how to overcome despondency. People begin to rush around, fill their lives with something vain, adding other problems to themselves, and make mistakes. This leads to poor health, depression, loneliness, and this condition can last for a long time.

According to statistics, the midlife crisis accounts for the largest number of cases of divorce, nervous breakdowns, and suicide.

Sometimes a midlife crisis leads representatives of the stronger sex to new successes and achievements, career growth, a return to faith, and full self-realization. Sometimes it leads to divorce, alcoholism, joining sects and spiritual quests. Sometimes it goes almost unnoticed, resulting in the construction of a summer house or the purchase of a new car. The main thing is to realize what is happening in time and make the correct diagnosis.

Signs of a midlife crisis

What is characteristic of a midlife crisis? Most likely, it can be suspected by the following manifestations:

there is a need to comprehend your life. Answer the questions: why am I here? Where am I going? What and who do I live for?
there is a “reconciliation” of the current state of affairs in life with how it was once thought to be ideal: am I where I dreamed? Am I doing what I once wanted?
one's own achievements are critically assessed: what have I achieved? Is this important to me? Where to move next and what to achieve?
The question arises to yourself: am I happy?

In essence, this is a period of meeting with yourself - a very intimate meeting that requires honesty and sincerity, because often there are no clear answers to the questions that arise. This is the time of doubt. And the nature of these doubts is unclear and can be so frightening that you try not to pay attention to them.

This is the discovery of the fact that the further you go, the more you find yourself in your own hands. And although half of this life is already behind us, there is still enough time ahead to go where you truly want and to be happy as you once dreamed before... But what do you want?.. There may also be no answer to such a simple question . Only internal emptiness suggests that the way things were before these experiences is no longer satisfactory.

Many people mention the feeling that appears on the eve of a crisis, as if they are not living, but playing life according to someone else’s scenario. Indeed, one of the tasks of a crisis is to appropriate one’s true life, needs and desires. Fear can also arise here, because we are also talking about confrontation with loved ones who have their own plans for us, and they may have little to do with our desires.

Fatigue, sadness, deep melancholy, exacerbation of negative emotions, fears - all this also accompanies a crisis. This includes a confrontation with one’s biological age, physiological changes in the body associated with the onset of aging.

It is quite easy to determine the beginning of a crisis. It manifests itself in behavior and appearance: a man is often in a bad mood upon returning home, he becomes silent, does not want to talk, and sometimes there are outbursts of aggression. The inability to sleep, irritability, mood swings, constant fatigue and weakness will be a man’s companions during this period. It is at this moment that, more than ever, he desires changes in life, a shake-up, and many during this period of their lives indulge, as they say, in all serious ways. A man has a burning desire to become someone he never had the chance to become in life. Often he begins to look at young ladies, change his wardrobe to trendy clothes, and use youth slang in conversation. During this period, the wife becomes an irritating factor; the man takes out his anger and aggression on her, constantly reproaches her and shows her his dissatisfaction, often in a rude manner, even to the point of assault.

Here are some of the main signs of a midlife crisis:

Increased aggressiveness and irritability;
The desire to quit a good job and the realization that you cannot afford it;
Attempts to change your appearance as quickly as possible;
Searching for former partners on social networks;
The realization that the mortgage and other loans will have to be repaid for another 20 years;
Frequent thoughts about death and what awaits you after it;
Concerns that you have achieved less in your professional career than your parents;
The hangover after gatherings with friends becomes more and more noticeable and lasts more than a day;
Awkward flirting with people your children's age;
Searching for and finding various diseases;
The emergence of a new hobby, often extreme;
Dreams of quitting your job and buying your own restaurant or pub;
Attempts to hide your age from others;
An affair on the side, or even a divorce;
Moving away from old friends and searching for new, younger ones;
You start listening to your most favorite songs on radio “Retro”;
Frequent insomnia.

Often a crisis is accompanied by depression, a feeling of depression, and emptiness. A man feels like he is trapped in a career or marriage. Stability, material and family well-being achieved by this age suddenly lose their significance. A feeling of unfairness of life appears, the man is sure that he deserves more. He is overwhelmed by a feeling of dissatisfaction and a desire for something unknown. Work is perceived as routine, marital relationships have lost their former passion, children prefer to live their own lives, and the circle of friendly communication has narrowed over the years, and it itself has acquired a tinge of monotony.

It should be noted that, unlike professional or creative crises, here, from the point of view of others, problems arise practically “out of nowhere.” During a midlife crisis, a man often changes his circle of reference persons, value orientations, tastes and preferences. The person going through a crisis becomes unpredictable even for himself. The people around do not understand what is happening: it seems to them that there is a completely different person in front of them. On the contrary, he believes that everyone around him has changed, and therefore he himself changes his attitude towards them.

What happens to a man in such a state?

Being in a not entirely adequate state, a man can commit actions that are not characteristic of his nature, which he may not expect from himself. About a person experiencing a midlife crisis, we can say that his “roof” has been blown away. In panic, he tries to radically change his own life, falling from one extreme to another. By doing this, he wants to prove not only to himself, but also to others that he is capable of much. During this period, one part of the stronger half of humanity goes into long and deep drinking bouts, others are overtaken by depression, seeing no way out of the situation, many representatives of the stronger sex themselves destroy their families. You never know how a man will behave in a mid-life crisis, what the consequences will be.

It is important to understand and realize that this condition, despite its severity and inevitability, will not last forever. You can calmly survive it if you try to curb your own thoughts and actions, and act not on a whim, but after careful consideration.

Causes of midlife crisis

A considerable part of the “rebellions” of 40-year-olds are nothing more than echoes of unfinished teenage rebellion. The unresolved problems of adolescence, which have “calmed down” for a while and, it would seem, have remained long in the past, are precisely during this period that befall a person again. If at one time a young man was not able to completely free himself from the influence of his parents, to rebel against the way of life imposed by them, then in middle age he suddenly realizes that he still lives and acts by someone else’s rules, and it’s time, as they say, “ sing with your own voice." Hence the natural desire to find yourself, your own path. An understanding and clear realization comes: “it’s already too late for me, I won’t be much anymore...” Those doors (and opportunities) that seemed to be wide open just yesterday began to close one after another... A midlife crisis always implies a global and final (until the transition to maturity, retirement age) reassessment of values, because another name for it is an identity crisis.

However, a midlife crisis also overtakes those who managed to get rid of teenage complexes in time. The following are the main causes of a midlife crisis.

1. The reason is physiological. Natural physiological changes occur; simply put, a person begins to age. As a rule, during this period of a person’s life all his chronic diseases begin to worsen, which significantly weakens the vital functions of the body; appearance changes, strength becomes less, sexual attractiveness decreases. It is psychologically very difficult to accept such changes, especially in a society where the cult of youth and impeccable beauty is promoted. All this causes a person to feel uncertain about the future, nervousness, fatigue and depression appear. Fear appears - “having lost my youth and beauty, I will lose many opportunities and pleasures in life.”

2. The reason is psychological. By middle age, people generally achieve a lot in the professional sphere and achieve a certain social status. And then the man has reasonable questions: What next? Where to go? If this is the top, does that mean now it’s only downhill, “downhill”? Or: How to stay at this peak if young people are already pressing behind you? The “ambitious understudies” have arrived – how much longer can I be competitive? What to do? Change direction? Can I? Is there enough strength? Will I have time? Fear - “if I am not successful, I will lose the love of the people around me, I will become unnecessary and just a loser.”

Midlife crisis - when your boss is younger than you. Most often, at this age, a revaluation of values occurs, a man begins to see the meaning of life in certain life achievements, and if the path in life is chosen incorrectly, then a feeling of dissatisfaction with oneself, one’s abilities and capabilities arises. There is a need to change your life, to start all over again, but here physiology and the realization that you can no longer handle everything intervene. A man begins to worry very acutely that his life plans are at odds with reality. The search for a way out of the current situation begins, and if all attempts are unsuccessful, depression begins.

3. The reason is social. The credo of the stronger sex is to realize yourself. Achieve success, build a house, surpass all rivals. More than anything else, a man fears for his potency - physiological, labor or creative. Most of all, he dreams of giving his all, demonstrating to the world his unique gift and great mission. But duty, honor, obligations to family or society can restrain heroic impulses for quite a long time.

The way a man develops social relationships has a huge impact on his life. First of all, these are family relationships. Usually at this age a person already has a family and children, if everything is fine in the family - a big plus, if not, then again - this is one of the reasons for the crisis. If a person does not have family relationships, does not have friendly relations, or relationships in a team, then the question arises about his failure as a member of society.

The social role of men is changing. At home he turns from a child into a parent, at work from a young specialist into an experienced mentor. Some, alas, have already lost their father or mother by this time; many have parents who are getting old and in need of care and help. However, not everyone is ready for such a radical change of roles, for a situation where they have to rely only on their own strengths, and take full responsibility not only for themselves, but also for other people. Fear appears - “why can’t I be as serene and carefree as before? Will I really now always have to drag around this whole load of problems and worries?!”

In the end, the realization of the transience and finitude of life comes. A person understands that “the world no longer provides credit for his future,” and much is no longer feasible. A midlife crisis occurs when regrets about the past gradually begin to outweigh hopes for the future.

In these circumstances, both a depressive position: “everything is terrible”, “it’s pointless to change anything”, “you have to survive somehow”, threatening self-pity, despair, a feeling of impasse, and “ostrich” optimism: “everything is fine” are equally dangerous. ”, “nothing has changed”, “I’m young”, forcing a person to live in illusions, preventing him from seeing and accepting reality, cutting off the path to development. The revolutionary option is equally dangerous and destructive - through the depreciation of what has been achieved, unjustified risk, a sharp and thoughtless change in everything that surrounds: family, work, place of residence, which most often is nothing more than self-deception. Radical external changes in the absence of internal ones are only an illusion of a solution, because you cannot escape from yourself.

Here are some external factors that can trigger and accelerate this crisis:

1. Debts. We all live in a world of credit, where there is a very strong temptation to live beyond our means. Finding yourself 40 years old, having counted all the mortgages and loans, it is very easy to fall into depression.

2. Death of a loved one. The death of a parent or loved one during a midlife crisis can be very difficult to overcome.

3. Personalities who avoid conflicts. This crisis is especially susceptible to people who constantly try to avoid conflicts in personal relationships, suffer from low self-esteem, problems expressing aggression and are emotionally detached. Those who are accustomed to pleasing their significant other at the expense of their desires and interests will experience this crisis even more difficult.

At what age can a crisis begin?

The crises of adult life are graded differently by different authors, but the midlife crisis, or midlife crisis, is mentioned by almost everyone. This is not about calculating and measuring the middle of life to identify a crisis. It is important that this crisis corresponds to a number of typical experiences, the emergence of certain questions about oneself and about life.

If earlier the midlife crisis “fit” into the age range of 37 – 45 (and continues to be there in European countries and the USA), then at present, in the accelerated pace of life of our society, there is a tendency to “rejuvenate” the lower bar: characteristic of a midlife crisis age, the condition is experienced even by people in their thirties. Thus, the specific time of experiencing a crisis is individual for each person and can greatly depend on the contexts of his life.

A crisis can happen at 30-35 or 40-45 years old, depending on satisfaction with life, work and marriage. An early crisis is disappointment in parental and school scenarios, a temporary rejection of generally accepted norms, a kind of belated teenage rebellion and self-searching. The man seems to be trying again - whether he chose the right profession, built the right house, or married the wrong woman. The late crisis often coincides with the fading of hormonal levels, beginning with menopause. A man feels that life has already reached the middle, potency is weakening, health is failing - and with the last of his strength he tries to feel young again, to spur on fading passions.

Typically, a midlife crisis includes several stages:

shock
negation
depression
anger
accepting and overcoming the crisis.

Overcoming the crisis

The following are fairly general recommendations that psychologists give for overcoming a midlife crisis. These recommendations are quite reasonable, and it is quite possible that they will help someone. Although the anti-crisis session of Backmology is not based on their use.

A midlife crisis is a freezing of the life program, and overcoming it is a reboot. A midlife crisis is the time when it's time to learn to listen to yourself, accept yourself and trust yourself.

Life is always the way we imagine it. Life does not end at the age of forty; from that moment on, all the fun just begins. This is a wonderful age! It's harvest time! The midlife crisis should become a springboard for new joys and new discoveries. A person has the right and privilege to build his life the way he wants.

The main thing is to survive the crisis, to conduct a kind of life audit, because if you push this problem aside and do not solve it, then at the end of your life you may be overtaken by the most terrible crisis destined for a person - the crisis of the end of life. Think about why some old people are smiling, wise, kind, while others are angry, critical, hating everyone and everything? The fact is that the former accepted their life, but the latter did not, because they lived a life imposed, someone else’s, and this is impossible to accept. After all, accepting your life path means accepting yourself as you were and are, and your psychological environment, and much more. And if at the end of life it is practically impossible to change anything, then in the middle of life there is always such an opportunity. Therefore, this is your main life chance, which is important to use.

Successfully overcoming a midlife crisis involves accepting your true age and taking responsibility for your life. A reassessment of values occurs, and one’s true needs and desires are revealed. Relationships change, we change in relationships. It is possible that some people will disappear from our lives, and new ones will appear. Sometimes we have to accept the fact that some things cannot be changed, that the consequences of other actions will accompany us for the rest of our lives. Sometimes it can be very sad, but it is this experience that enriches us with hope that the next part of life can be lived with more awareness and joy.

In order for the crisis not to turn into a depression, but to become a springboard for changes and renewals in life, you should:

do not deny yourself feelings of internal ill-being: you are not going crazy, nothing bad is happening to you - it’s just your inner voice, your intuition, your psyche (in the end, call it whatever you want) asking you to finally pay attention to yourself for yourself, for your life;
accept incoming emotions as a way to find out what exactly is happening to you, where the areas of internal and external trouble are located. There is no need to suppress sadness, anger, or fear, considering them inappropriate emotions. They are your path to change.

Below are recommendations to consider if you are going through this crisis:

Stop looking for symptoms of various diseases. Not every cold is the beginning of lung cancer;
Don't have an affair on the side. Even if the partner allowed himself to do it. A young graduate will not return you to your former youth, but it can destroy your marriage. Think about how stupid you look to others;
Go out to people more often. Force yourself to go out to a restaurant with your spouse at least once a week, or watch football with friends;
Don't project your problems and unfulfilled dreams onto your children. Stop forcing your son to go to music school and your daughter to take additional math classes on weekends. This will not change anything in your life, but you are really taking away childhood and their own interests from children;
Don't buy "middle-aged" toys for yourself. You are already a serious and mature person. Think about how stupid you will look in a red foreign car, or in a green Kawasaki, after which you will have to assemble yours piece by piece;
Turn off your phones all weekend. Nothing will happen if you read spam and the next shocking news from the Kremlin or Ukraine. But your family will have a chance to communicate with you and have fun, and not constantly watch you ignore them;
Seek support from a loved one with whom you can feel safe and share your concerns. Contact a specialist if your condition feels critical.

Important:

Don't lie and don't be afraid. Conduct a frank and thorough audit of your life views, attitudes, rules and values. Answer the questions very honestly: what goals do I want to achieve? Are these my goals or someone else's? What feelings am I experiencing now? How do I want to feel tomorrow, in a year? Does my current life scenario suit me? What do I want and can change in this scenario? What am I dreaming about? What's stopping me from achieving my dream?

Love yourself. Accept yourself as you are, with all your shortcomings and weaknesses. Say nice things to yourself, smile at yourself. Train your body and spirit. Take care of yourself: good nutrition, good sleep, body care. Believe in yourself. “But know that those who manage to believe in themselves win the fight.” Appreciate and love your surroundings - family, colleagues, friends and just random guests on your life path. Your love and kindness given to people will return to you a hundredfold.

Live here and now. Returning to the past occasionally and for a short time with the main goal of searching for one’s resources and experiencing one’s own achievements and victories. Don’t look for the mistakes of today’s situation in the past and don’t live in the past. “Whoever remains in the past has no present.” Thoughts about the future should not overshadow the joy of the present. “Tomorrow will take care of itself.” Down with drafts! Every day of yours should be a clean day.

You must try to learn to enjoy every moment, enjoy every event in life and just simple things. Then everything in life will become much easier.

The midlife crisis can indeed become a springboard for a new takeoff, the so-called second peak of vital activity. He contributed to the development of many great people.

However, it is not necessary to radically change your life - you can continue to follow the beaten path. But at the same time, evaluate the years you have lived, understand what you need and what you don’t, and, most importantly, accept your previous path, but consciously, and continue to increase quantitatively and qualitatively what has been achieved. Strive not only to add years to life, but also life to years.

It all depends on how ready a person is to understand and accept his problems, to honestly face reality, no matter how frightening it may be, whether he is capable of change - both in life and in himself - and, most importantly, whether he is ready to invest into these changes. If a person does not draw any conclusions during a crisis, it means that he is not growing up.

Here are some tips for those who are friends with the proverb “a healthy mind in a healthy body.”

1. Attention and care for your body will allow you to maintain strength longer and treat your body with tender reverence, respect it and be proud of it. It is necessary to take measures to slow down the aging process of the body and improve physical condition. This, of course, is an active lifestyle and giving up bad habits. Playing sports, no matter how trivial it may sound, really helps to cope with thoughts about one’s inadequacy and approaching old age. Every day, by increasing the load on your body, you will rejoice at your small victories, and the thought “I can!” will push you to further achievements.

2. If you can give up smoking, then a feeling of pride in yourself will settle in your heart for a long time. First of all, your desire and willpower are capable of taking such a decisive step; in some situations, reflexology and psychotherapy may be useful.

If you don’t suffer from bad habits and don’t need to fight them, you can try to master in life what you dreamed of, but always put off until later or simply didn’t dare. For each person this is something different, for example, learning to drive a car or skate, or jump with a parachute. This should greatly invigorate you and increase your credibility in your eyes.

3. We must realize once and for all that there is only one life, there will be no other, and man is the creator of his own happiness. Therefore, we pull ourselves together and begin to create, no matter how hard it may be.

Prevention is the most effective and obvious. It is important to strive to maintain balance in your life, not to concentrate on the problems of illness and approaching old age, but to approach it fully armed - hardened and able to fight. It is very important to take care of yourself and the quality of your life, and then all sorts of depressions and crises will bypass you. And if they do appear, you will be ready for it.

Be happy, learn to enjoy what you do and give pleasure to those who are dear to you! Ultimately, it's not the years in your life that matter, but the life in your years. (Abraham Lincoln)

Backmology approach

The information that a person puts into his subconscious, the images that he inspires in himself, will certainly play an important role in determining the result of any of his undertakings. A mind programmed to fail will inevitably fail. A person programmed to achieve will show high results. Thus, all great athletes know that combining the efforts of mind and body is a key factor in achieving the highest results. Sports commentators call this state the achievement of the highest form.

However, when faced with a stronger opponent, after a series of failures, or constant overexertion, a person often “breaks down.” Psychological imbalance does not appear out of nowhere. It is always preceded by a series of stresses suffered - clearly felt or implicit.

A midlife crisis is a breakdown that occurs as a result of natural fatigue; it is associated with haphazardly accumulated experience against the backdrop of the absence of a well-thought-out goal-setting strategy. For a long time, a person set goals for himself and achieved them at any cost, without commensurate with his deepest desires, capabilities and prospects for further development. This probably happened under the severe influence of the environment (parents, friends, idols and mentors, stereotypes of the cult of success, etc.), as well as other circumstances, but the person himself is responsible for the breakdown that occurred to him, since he did not show a proper critical attitude towards factors guiding his behavior, did not assess his own strengths and the possible consequences of his behavior. In Bekmology, this situation is interpreted as a person’s lack of psychocontrol.

In Bekmology, psychocontrolling is understood as a person’s activity aimed at eliminating and preventing bottlenecks in his activities and focused on an environmentally friendly future in accordance with the goals he has set. Psychocontrol is the basis for supporting the basic functions of self-government: adaptation, self-identification, planning, business activity, reflection (control, accounting and analysis). With its help, the process of making and implementing decisions becomes environmentally friendly for a person, i.e. controllability of behavior, exposure to stress, problems with goal setting, and conflict in communication are minimized.

Anti-crisis sessions of Bekmology are based on psycho-controlling tools: the “Becoming a Warrior” methodology, the “Ideoplast” method, 4C analysis, etc.

Anti-crisis sessions are aimed at helping the client mobilize his psychological, physical and intellectual resources to overcome the crisis. During the sessions, internal and external factors that help or hinder the solution of the problem are objectively assessed, and the client develops the potential to overcome a difficult situation and further successful development.

Contents of sessions to overcome the crisis: identifying key problem areas, relieving emotional stress, restoring energy balance, creative potential and “taste of life”, correcting social disappointment, adjusting goal setting, increasing stress resistance.

After successful completion of the sessions, the client has the opportunity to use elements of psychocontrol himself so that crisis events in his life do not recur in the future.

Cost and terms of service

The cost of the session is 5000 rubles.

The service is intended only for men and is provided only by male specialists. Anonymity and confidentiality are guaranteed.

The session is held exclusively at the client's premises. Duration – up to 4 hours.

Do not treat complex forms of a neuropsychic or psychosomatic nature (sexual disorders, insomnia, obsessive thoughts, psychotrauma, etc.).

Need more information?

Please contact us by email at becmology at gmail.com. We will discuss your problems without forcing you to make a purchase or making any commitments to you.

Some of our articles on psychological safety:

Basics of manipulative technologies

Techniques for manipulating the mental consciousness of humans and the masses

Psychological impact

Destructive communication

Safety precautions in communication

Anti-manipulation techniques

Managing and manipulating people

Features of the midlife crisis in men

A midlife crisis in men is most often associated with a rethinking of social and professional success: how successful was the career and did it bring the promised happiness? Those who have invested their entire lives in their careers and have never found happiness are especially susceptible to crisis. But this is not the only reason. Most often, a crisis worsens when discontent and tension accumulate in different areas of life.

It is believed that the crisis of 40 years in men can develop according to three scenarios.

Some men feel a strong decline. This is often due to the fact that the job turned out to be not as promising as dreamed, or the chosen lifestyle led to a dead end. In this case, depression is common, a depressed state from which they find it difficult to get out or, in some cases, even remain in it.
Another scenario is a complete re-evaluation of your path. Such people start life from scratch. This decision is followed by 8-10 years of restructuring your own life.
However, the devil is not so scary. Many men go through this period, if not calmly, then with a clear uplift. Motivation appears to make the final push, to radically change something, to live life the way you have always dreamed of. Men begin to actively develop in their profession, take on the role of mentors and experts, and again stay late at work. It's like they're getting a second wind.

Find out what you really want in life

The question “What do you want from life?” is very common, and usually the answer is a variation or combination of the following:

– success; - feel that you are loved; – have a positive influence; - luck.

It seems like it all makes sense, because who doesn’t want to feel loved or be successful. But it’s worth asking yourself why you want all this to happen in life. You can bet that everyone will come to the answer: “I just want to be happy.”

Obviously, all goals in our lives exist only because there is reason to believe that you will be happy when you actually achieve them. However, what many people don't realize is that you need to be happy when pursuing these goals.

Life is too short to focus only on achieving happiness. You need to start loving what you are doing now, and not continue to just work to “achieve” happiness.

Tips on how to overcome the problem

A midlife crisis doesn't have to be painful. You can help yourself get through this period more smoothly.

Analyze and accept your life as it is

A new page begins when we accept the past. Accepting does not mean being forced to be happy and continue in the same spirit. Accept means to acknowledge. It is as it is. But the way it will be is my choice. Give up self-blame, painful soul-searching, and constant living in the past. Appreciate all the successes and mistakes that you have had, and move on with gratitude.

Define your values

Look at your midlife crisis as an opportunity to reconsider your values. They may change from year to year and that's okay. As we age, our sense of personal growth and sense of purpose diminish. But good relationships with other people, the ability to navigate the environment and demonstrate one’s skills gain strength and value. Think about what is truly important to you personally, and how can this be realized?

Balance your life

Balance in all areas of life helps you feel like you have everything under control. Make time for family, friends, work, and relaxation. Don’t try to squeeze yourself completely, be sensitive to your condition.

Take care of your health

If you have any health problems, do not delay visiting your doctor. Mood swings, depression, or irritability may be associated with decreased testosterone levels. In this case, contact an andrologist.

Try to lead a healthy and active lifestyle, reduce the amount of alcohol and junk food, and add reasonable physical activity.

Strengthen your relationships

It is easier to experience joys and sorrows with those who are dear to us. Contact with other people makes us more resilient to stress. Talk to your loved ones, listen to them, ask for help and help yourself. Really get involved in the lives of the people who matter to you.

Set new goals, create new meanings

Setting new goals will help shift your focus. Instead of thinking about what could have been, focus on what you can do to be happier. Give up illusions, set a real goal and move towards it.

Do what you love

During this period, it is important to feel your mastery and enjoy your work. Paradoxically, the less activity, the less strength we have. Passivity can lead to low mood and even depression. Do what you love to do. Meet friends, find a hobby, light yourself up.

Keep growing

Be curious and open to life. Continue to develop in all important areas. The world does not stand still, and you should not stop. Sign up for courses, attend a seminar. Forget about the prejudices “I’m too old for this”, “being a beginner is for the young”. We are as young as we allow ourselves to be.

Erikson's theory

US psychologist E. Erickson identifies three options for adaptation to old age:

Happy old age is when a person easily overcomes a crisis, having a strong spirit and a strong nervous system. Such people are harmoniously developed and calmly accept what is happening.
Unhappy old age. Most often observed in people with chronic pathologies. Such pensioners are vulnerable and touchy, they are not confident in themselves and are in constant anxiety, and consider the meaning of life to be lost.
Psychopathological old age. It is quite difficult to tolerate. It is observed in people prone to depression, hypochondria, having age-related organic disorders, suffering from dementia and neuroses.

The main causes of midlife crisis in women

Women also experience midlife crises. It often occurs earlier than in men, at 30-40 years of age. Main reasons:

Changes in appearance.
If before the age of 30 your appearance did not require special care, then after 30 this becomes necessary. Some women begin to downplay their age or simply hide it. Women who really want to get married and have a child, but have not yet found a life partner, are especially vulnerable to this age crisis. You can often hear the phrase “the clock is ticking” from them. Natural age-related changes are felt as a great threat to personal life.
Hormonal levels and health
. The body requires special care; more often it becomes necessary to see a doctor. There is not as much energy as before.
Status, relationships, priorities.
Like men, women reconsider their path: are they going there, are they doing what they are doing, have they chosen the right pace, are their priorities correct? Sometimes a maternity leave or a post-maternity period is imposed, when you need to start working again and reinstate yourself in the profession. I am tormented by self-doubt, fear of not being able to cope, not being able to keep up with younger colleagues. One day a woman may wake up and realize that she gave all of herself to her family and children, but never realized her creative or professional potential, and this depresses her. It seems that the best years are lost, and there is no time to catch up. Or, on the contrary, having devoted herself to work, she suddenly feels loneliness. Married women may become disappointed in their husband, who is also not getting any younger and may be going through his own crisis. Relationships become more mechanical, cold, and distant.

Treason

A man proves, first of all, to himself that he can still attract the attention of women. That is, it simply asserts itself. In addition, from 37 to 55 years old, a man is terribly tormented by one thought: he may lose potency.

And without this, as the powers that be believe, they no longer mean anything. And then it begins, as in the well-known saying: “gray hair in the beard, demon in the rib.”

Irina Nadvoretskaya Psychologist, psychoanalyst It is important to be patient, because a man’s crisis can last from 3 to 5 years. And often the outcome of this period depends on the wise behavior of relatives and wives. After all, the endurance of his wife and children will help a man return to his family and familiar circle. And the reluctance to understand the husband’s psychological disorders leads to the breakdown of the family.

How to overcome this unfortunate crisis?

1. Support and understand

Next to a man there should be a successful and confident woman. There is no need to walk around in an old robe and with a bun on your head. Become stylish and go out with your partner more often: get-togethers with friends, going to the cinema or going out with your children. He must understand that his loved ones need and are important.

Features of the crisis of 30-40 years in women

Two-thirds of women make a change mid-life, especially between the ages of 37 and 43. During this period, many people want to have a child or dramatically change their occupation. Some undergo plastic surgery, hide their age, or otherwise deny the natural passage of time. Menopause occurs at 45-55 years of age. For most women, this period is the first real encounter with advancing old age. Hormonal levels change, which affects your mood and well-being. Many women experience difficult feelings, depression, irritability, and anxiety during this period.

Of course, not all women are susceptible to crisis and not all experience it acutely. If there is unconditional acceptance of yourself, faith in your strength, support and love of loved ones, balance in life, hobbies and self-care skills, this period passes smoothly.

Get out of your comfort zone

Usually, when a person finds himself in a difficult situation, unable to return to his normal life, he really learns who he is and what he wants. It's really simple when you think about it. But many spend their careers simply going with the flow. They do not question the choices they make themselves or those made for them. They simply nod and move in whatever direction their managers, colleagues, and friends want them to go. As a result, almost everyone reaches a phase during which they discover that what they have been doing is not what they want to continue doing.

It's worth trying to take a step outside of your comfort zone and try something you've never done before. For example, instead of focusing on your career, you can spend more time on a new hobby. Or you can go on a multi-day hike.

Simple tips on how to cope with a crisis

Take care of your health

If you experience mood swings that are not typical for you, contact your gynecologist-endocrinologist. The doctor will prescribe a course of treatment, and this will alleviate your condition. Do not delay the examination if something else is bothering you. The body requires care and attention, and this is normal.

Appreciate and listen to yourself

Don't strive to be perfect - value yourself unconditionally. Often a woman feels valuable only when she serves others: her husband, children, grandchildren. And when children grow up and no longer urgently need it, a feeling of uselessness and emptiness appears. You are valuable on your own, without any conditions! And you deserve happiness, peace and care from your loved ones. Listen to your mood and state, learn to be sensitive to yourself.

Find a hobby

You have given half your life to your family or work, you have invested all your strength in doing what you “should” do. Now think about what you would like to do if the children have grown up and you are confidently standing on your feet in the profession? Take up dancing or painting, yoga or ice skating. Find something that you enjoy.

“I” ≠ “my appearance”

Don't identify yourself only with appearance. It is important, but it is not everything. You are more than just your body, skin, face, hair color. Take care of yourself, but don't turn it into a cult. The more you focus on appearance, the further away you are from accepting reality. And the greater the imbalance in other areas. A woman is beautiful at any age if she is happy.

Strengthen your relationships

This recommendation is universal. Be with those who are dear to you. Create traditions that strengthen your relationships with others.

Maintain balance and make time for yourself

Balance all areas of your life and add an important niche - time just for yourself. Arrange dates with yourself - in a cafe, spa, in the park and at the skating rink. Give yourself gifts, please yourself, show care. If you have devoted yourself to your loved ones all your life, think about what joys can be only yours and only for you.

Develop stress resistance and a positive outlook on the world

Pay attention to your emotional state. Often a crisis is layered with emotional burnout. If you find yourself burnt out, help yourself recover. Develop general stress resistance. And try not to fall into the trap of pessimistic thinking.

It's best to think of midlife processes as a "correction" rather than a "crisis." Remember that everything is relative. The peak effectiveness of a football player is at 25 years old, and that of a musician is at 50-60 years old. You have passed some part of your journey, become wiser and more experienced. If you feel like you are in crisis, let this be a gift - an opportunity to understand what is wrong, evaluate the path you have traveled and change your life for the better.

Seek help from psychologist Yulia Gridasova to get through the midlife crisis to your advantage:

Skype: yuliia.ease
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Definition and reasons

By definition, a “crisis” is a moment of change that does not allow moving forward, requiring a rethinking of the situation and making new decisions. The application of this concept to old age indicates the need to change the line of life, to break existing foundations. For some this will not be difficult, but for others it is difficult to accept their current status, put together their life “puzzle” and move on.

Among the reasons for the onset of a psychological crisis in old age are:

changing life priorities, lack of a clear rhythm - there is no longer a need to go to work every day. Active intellectual and physical activity is replaced by inaction;
the need to rethink the past years, find new, life-affirming goals;
deterioration of health;
narrowing of social circle, loss of friends;
discomfort from being in a confined space, loneliness;
decreased physical strength, helplessness, awareness of one’s dependence on the environment.

The general mental state is also significantly affected by the loss of parents and the removal of children (empty nest syndrome). With retirement, people often experience financial difficulties, which also leave an imprint on their emotional state. After all, now we have to plan our budget more carefully.