How to punish for bad behavior: should a teacher or parents do this in general, advice about this and what risks it poses to the child’s health

Last week, in a gymnasium near Moscow, a loud shot occurred during a physical education lesson, as a result of which several schoolchildren were stunned. As it turned out, an 8th grade student brought a dog protection device to school (AntiDOG is a trigger device that activates light and sound elements housed in a replaceable cartridge), which was stolen by a classmate and used for other purposes. The owner of Antidog stated that he was not involved in the incident.

Many children first encounter the problem of theft in elementary school; it often happens that the most naive child is called a thief.

Should children be punished at all?

On the one hand, if you punish for every offense, constantly threaten to give the child to Baba Yaga or the dire wolf, put him in a corner or leave him in a dark room, you can turn him into a downtrodden creature. The child will constantly feel unhappy and unworthy. This kills the personality, lowers self-esteem, and develops a feeling of distrust in the world around us.

On the other hand, complete permissiveness leads to the conviction that you can do whatever you want. The child will not learn to differentiate between good and bad actions. It is necessary to find a middle ground and decide what must be punished for and what can be ignored.

Principles and objectives of punishment

Most often, a child, having committed a bad act, hides it not because he realizes that he did wrong, but in order to avoid capture and punishment. Therefore, the punishment should, firstly, make him understand why it is impermissible to do this, and secondly, be effective.

A punishment adequate to the offense contributes to:

correcting unwanted child behavior;
control over the previously designated boundaries of what is permitted;
supporting the authority of parents;
compensation for the damage he caused (for example, if he stained a table with felt-tip pens, he will have to wipe off the marks and not draw for two days);
preventing unwanted behavior in the future.

Punishments depending on the age of the child

When and how to punish children depends on age. Growing up, the child begins to understand cause-and-effect relationships, that is, to understand why exactly he was punished. So, it is useless to scold a child half an hour after a prank, but a teenager will understand what he did wrong even a week later.

Until 1 year, prohibitions must be strict and clear, but they cannot be reinforced with corporal punishment. For example, the baby must understand that it is forbidden to hit his mother with his fist or stick his finger into a socket.

That is, the punishment is simply to strictly remove your hand or forcibly move the child away from the outlet (at the same time it is useful for physical development - if he wants, let him crawl to it again).

Children under 2 years of age have not yet learned to make the connection between misconduct and disciplinary measures taken by adults. Punishments will not work yet either; it is better to switch the child’s attention to another activity or subject, reinforcing the action intonationally with the word “impossible.”

The period from 2 to 3 years is a crisis period. The first protests, hysterics and disobedience appear. You just have to get through this time.

But from 3 to 5 years old, parents can finally start letting off steam and punishing the child! You can already put him in a corner and sit him on a chair for a quarter of an hour as punishment - he already understands why he is being punished, and patiently bears the punishment, learning that in the future it is no longer worth doing this. Sometimes you can even give him a light spanking.

Starting at age 6, corporal punishment and forcing people not to do something should stop. At this age, children begin to experience humiliation. And now it is no longer possible to punish, but to explain what is the undesirability or danger of an action using the examples of other children and people - this develops empathy. An understanding comes of why the action was bad.

Whether it is necessary to punish the behavior of teenage children is an individual question: it all depends on the degree of personality and character development. Recommended measures are deprivation of entertainment and restriction of communication with friends.

During adolescence, self-esteem is formed; the child often acts badly in anticipation of public attention. Therefore, the most effective measure is to minimize the factors that provoke misconduct.

How to properly punish a child - tips:

Maintain consistency - punishment should be meted out for the same offenses. You should not ignore the measure, even if at the moment there is no time to engage in educational work.
Take into account the severity of the offense - for ordinary pampering or prank committed for the first time, a warning. For repeated violations, more serious measures will be taken.
Limit the duration of punishment - the child should be told how long he is punished for.
Coordinate the punishment with your spouse - otherwise one will allow it, and the other will not allow it. Instead of feeling guilty, the child will begin to manipulate adults.
Demonstrate positive behavior - parents should do the same as they require from the child.
Take into account personality characteristics - less strict measures are applied to a child prone to melancholy than to a sanguine person.
Punish in private - without witnesses, so as not to lower self-esteem. (But you need to praise children publicly.)
Develop a ritual of reconciliation - so that after punishment the child does not have any aftertaste, and he knows for sure that he is forgiven. For example, read a conciliatory poem or interlock your little fingers with it.

How not to punish a child

There is a taboo regarding the choice of punishment:

You cannot punish physically (beat; force you to squat; put you in a corner not standing, but on your knees; pour ice water on you, do not feed you, etc.);
humiliation by public punishment is unacceptable (“let everyone admire how stupid you are, stand in the corner in front of your friends”);
do not punish for several offenses at once - the most serious one is chosen from the sins committed simultaneously;
Having imposed punishment, do not cancel it, otherwise the fear of punishment will subsequently begin to weaken and, ultimately, lose its power;
not to delay the punishment - this will mentally exhaust the child, he will think with horror about what awaits him now.

A constructive approach to disciplining a child

The best ways to punish children, effective and not mentally damaging, are:

temporary deprivation of entertainment - watching cartoons, walking in the yard with friends, computer games;
correction of an offense - “Did you deliberately draw not in the album, but on the tabletop? Here’s a rag and detergent to wash off”;
“time out” - leave the bully completely alone for a short time in a room where there are no toys or TV (for small children - no longer than 5 minutes);
order an apology: a kindergartener or schoolchild - in words to the one who is offended by him, a child - to draw, instead of a torn picture taken from a brother or sister, the same one - so that he can restore and return the damaged one;
ignore for a short time - do not talk or play with the pest;
assign “community service” - wash the dishes or sweep the floor out of turn.

When punishing, we must not forget that even a child is a person, not to mention a schoolchild. Children's desires often go beyond parental requirements - sometimes they should be satisfied.

And it’s better to talk to children not in an orderly manner, but to give advice with respect - then the child will definitely hear the adults, and nothing will threaten his health and life.

After all, children are punished so that they do not repeat in the future what can be dangerous in different ways.

Source: https://detkiportal.ru/kak-nakazat-rebenka/

Family problems are hidden behind teenage theft

Masha and Katya, ninth grade students, were very close. We were friends for several years, sat at the same desk, shared clothes with each other, like everyone else. But one day Katya asked Masha to wear sunglasses, she really liked them - every fashionable girl had them, but they didn’t buy them for her. Masha, of course, lent them - it wasn’t difficult for her, because what wouldn’t you do for your best friend. But Katya “forgot” to return her classmate’s glasses, and then Masha wrote a reminder message to her friend asking her to bring her glasses to school the next day. Katya “forgot.” Then she completely stated that she accidentally broke her glasses. Masha was not offended - it doesn’t happen to anyone.

A month later, on her VKontakte page, Masha saw photos of Katya: she had her “broken” glasses on her. The girl tried to find out from her friend what was the matter and why she lied to her. But Katya did not answer Masha; she chose the “ignoring” tactic.

This act, unlike the first, may indicate not only that the teenager has some problems in the family, but also that the child is capable of illegal acts.

— If the child is not mentally ill or mentally retarded, then he should understand that it is impossible to steal. It happens that problems come from the family, children are jealous. But if the child is raised correctly in the family, by this age the parents were obliged to explain that this should not be done. But there are exceptions - during adolescence, children experience hormonal changes. Often, because of this, it turns out that the child commits antisocial actions,” says Varskaya. — You can refer the child to a psychologist, but the parent must decide for himself what to do in such a situation. Children learn any information better, not by seeing notations and lectures, but by eavesdropping. You can talk to someone on the phone about this incident and say everything that you would like to convey to the teenager, as if not realizing that the child is hearing the conversation.

As psychiatrist Mikhail Vinogradov notes, when such situations arise, the specialist must explain to the children that such actions can be regarded as a criminal offense: it’s not the amount of the cost of the item taken, but the fact of the act.

—Envy is a motivating motive. The problem is that children at school are grouped according to territoriality: rich, poor, alcoholics - all together, says the expert. — This is a very difficult situation for the school: everyone needs to be somehow equalized, brought closer to understanding the problems of others.

Teenagers do not understand that this is a crime. For example, stealing an expensive jacket or briefcase is understood by children as theft and a crime. And such a small thing as glasses does not fall into the category of crimes. Nevertheless, an illegal fact took place, and the teenager must be aware of this, explains Vinogradov.

How to properly punish a child

How to punish a child for bad behavior. 5 rules of education. How to properly punish a child without damaging the psyche. Personal experience, useful tips, non-trivial methods. Punishment is an important tool in the educational process and the formation of a child’s personality.

But do we understand the meaning of this word correctly? First of all, this is an instruction, which many parents forget about, using a corporal form of punishment, which, according to Ushinsky, shows “the imperfection of the teacher’s art,” because “they are based on fear alone, a feeling of pain.”

As a preventive measure for behavioral disorders, he proposed “reasonably organized activities” where there is no place for boredom. Boredom is the source of many children's vices, according to the famous teacher. Yu. Gippenreiter also writes that manifestations of bad behavior can be minimized or even avoided if you follow

5 rules of education

Let's remind them:

Be an example of a happy and successful person for your children.
Give your child freedom to develop.
Let your child learn from his mistakes.
Don't make studying a chore.
Let go of the situation.

However, some parents still fool their children and find “reasonable” excuses for this:

“He doesn’t understand any other way!”
Every evening our neighbors (the head of the family) enter into an unequal battle with their fifth-grader son. The child refuses to learn his homework, argues, snaps, but, receiving those very “magic kicks,” he completes everything in half an hour. Galina, the boy’s mother, every time makes attempts to “kindly” force her son to sit down for his homework, but lamentingly admits that , apparently, the son does not understand differently, since only the brute physical strength of his father acts on him. Think about it, is the problem solved? No! Of course, an immediate result was obtained, but the situation repeats itself, the spankings become more severe, but the boy’s behavior does not change! The father expects that by hitting his son, he is teaching him a lesson: “Don’t do that, it’s bad!”, and the son learns this lesson, but in a completely different way: “Since they hit me again, I’m bad! There’s no point in trying!” and unconsciously continues to behave extremely badly. And the tired dad is far from “high matters”: it’s work - trying to find out the true reason for the behavior, to understand the feelings of his son. It’s easier to give this obstinate a good hard time, so that he’ll definitely get it and return to his business, his life. It is not the child who does not understand differently, it is the adult who is powerless to take a different path.
“Otherwise he’ll grow up to be a mother’s boy!”
Frankly, I heard this argument from my husband for a short time, when, tired of endless explanations, he took hold of the belt, and I protested against this, albeit infrequent, but still violence against my son. My son can indeed be uncontrollable, but the use of force did not lead to good consequences. He began to periodically raise his hand against me and offend his sister. And a logical continuation of this story could well be the solution to all one’s problems through physical force: at school, then at work, in one’s own family. We stopped in time, abandoning this frightening prospect of being beaten by our own grown-up son. For a child, being hurt by those closest to you is psychological trauma. Does he feel strong at this moment? No. But humiliated - yes. You can’t resist - you will get even stronger and more painful, so you need to adapt and endure and learn to hide your wrongdoings. Such children often grow up to be adults burdened with a loser complex.
“They beat me - and nothing happened...” “I grew up as a normal person
,” the phrase is usually continued by those who have transferred the methods of raising their parents to their relationships with their children. We won’t argue, among those who went through pain, fear and humiliation in childhood, there are good people, only this is “not thanks to”, but “despite” such punitive measures. Most of the “beaten” swear not to beat their children, but there are and those who, out of inertia, continue to assert the very same “they beat me - and nothing happened.” The fate of girls in whom their father instilled the lesson “hitting means loving” is especially deplorable, because in marriage they often endure tyranny from their husband and are unable to resist even verbally to him when he raises his hand to children.

How to properly punish a child?

Oh, these naughty kids! How many nerves they take away from their parents, how many angry shouts they hear addressed to them and how many slaps they receive on their restless bottoms.

Any mother (and father) wants their child to be “ideal”, behave normally and immediately follow “orders” and requests. But these are all dreams, since in reality children not only do not obey their parents, but also try to resist their will.

How to teach to stop a child’s disobedience in the bud? What methods of punishment can be used in the education process, and which ones should never be used? Finally, how to properly punish a child and is it possible to ensure that he obeys you unquestioningly?

Parenting styles

A child's obedience is a result of the parenting model that is applied to him. Psychologists distinguish:

authoritarian style, loved by modern mothers and fathers, in which the will of the baby is actively suppressed by the parent;
democratic style, which is to give the child the right to vote and include him in public activities;
mixed style, accompanied by both tightening the “nuts” and loosening them.

Why don't children listen?

Most parents feel that their children do not listen to them simply because they do not want to do so or because they are showing character. In fact, there are many reasons for a child to disobey.

They don't understand

First of all, children don’t understand if they are loved if they constantly scream? What needs to be done to stop mom’s mouth from foaming and dad’s eye twitching? The baby is lost under the yoke of endless screaming and does not know what to do, because abandoning him for not finishing his rice porridge is impossible in principle?

They don't like the way we talk

“If you don’t obey, you’ll understand what will happen!” Isn’t this what children hear when their parents lose their temper? But if a leader lives in a child, he will not take on someone else’s authority (especially such a nervous one). Obedience in this sense is contrary to his nature and it is better to negotiate with such a child rather than suppress him.

They have a weak nervous system

It happens that a child is simply unable to take responsibility, so it is easier for him to follow someone rather than decide something on his own. Such children are quite easy to control, but relying on them is a matter of fantasy. In addition, these kids need unconditional support and control.

Let's call this a “payoff” for the opportunity to do what he wants: the baby pretends that he is obeying, but in reality it turns out that this is completely wrong. The double life that children lead is their model of communication with uncompromising parents.

You insult or humiliate them

Ask yourself: are you setting the more obedient neighbor girl as an example for your child? If yes, then your baby’s soul is tormented by constant comparisons and he simply does not want to experience these humiliations.

They are not interested in routine

By devoting all their attention to an “important” task and working on it for hours, children irritate their parents, who believe that they could be doing something more important at this time. But the child is simply not interested in this state of affairs and will not respond to your raising your tone on this matter.

They are too obedient

Children whose emotions are suppressed are unable to recover on their own. Under parental oppression, they forget about themselves and what it means to rejoice when you want, or cry when it hurts.

Punishments: are they necessary?

What to do if your child does not listen to you? Is it possible to scold him and how exactly? Is it worth seeking instant execution of orders or is it better to leave the choice to the child?

Dear parents, it is necessary to punish children, you just need to adequately perceive and put into practice this word - “punishment”. After all, some of the child’s actions are completely immoral (he not only did not eat the porridge, but poured it on the head of a passerby) and pose a danger to the lives of others.

Is it everyone?

It may be worth treating girls more gently in some cases, but punishing a child—a son—should be done in accordance with the full rigor of the “law.”

We choose punishment depending on age

If you scold a child who is not yet three years old, it will not bear any fruit. As a result, he will only be able to understand that you do not love him. Yes, he realizes that the toy broke and paint spilled on the tablecloth, but the child does not connect this “situation” and “its culprit” together.

2 years and younger

If your child is 2-2.5 years old, simply explain to him what happened and why he shouldn’t do this. Scold him and show him by your own example what should have been done.

The fact is that a child’s bad behavior at this age is self-affirmation, a consequence of lack of attention from parents or “revenge” for not fulfilling what they promised.

3 years and older

When the baby gets older (3 years or more), you can start raising him, but only without screaming. Try to tell your child about his bad behavior in a calm manner, explain why he is wrong, and what he needs to do so as not to upset you.

After some time, the child will absorb the information received and will easily distinguish bad deeds from good ones.

Correct punishment technique

You cannot punish a child in the same way for spilling compote, getting a bad grade, or an unapproved absence from home for several hours. Scolding him for little things means upsetting the balance of punishment: the child will simply get confused about what is an extremely bad deed and what is a minor offense.

It is not superfluous, if not obligatory, to have a “debriefing”: you must understand why he behaved this way. For example, he received a bad grade not because he did not learn the lesson, but because he had recently moved to a new school and simply did not have time to adapt to the new teacher and his teaching method.

You need to realize that such stressful situations directly affect the child's behavior and you, as a parent, should help him solve the problem as quickly as possible, and not yell at him or put him in a corner.

What could be the punishment and can it be applied?

The “punishment market” is quite abundant in offers, so you need to clearly understand which methods of raising a child can be used (and when), and which ones should not be resorted to even in the most extreme situations.

A shame

Humiliating a child’s self-esteem and disgracing his personal dignity is the worst case scenario. The child will definitely remember the public humiliation and in the future his resentment will burst out.

“Labels” and name-calling

Under no circumstances should you call a child dirty and offensive words: “stupid”, “inept” and especially “trash”. This affects his self-esteem and distances him from his beloved parents at a huge emotional distance.

Ignoring

Very often, the parents of an offending child resort to the “ignoring” method: they do not seem to notice him, do not talk to him and avoid any contact.

It is necessary to understand that such a model of punishment can only be effective when there is a close emotional connection between the child and his parent, which the child is extremely afraid of losing.

Authoritarian order

The famous standing in the corner, “on the peas” and other types of restriction of freedom. It is best to resort to such punishments when the child has really done something wrong and his actions have led (or can lead) to serious consequences. For example, he got into a fight with another child or climbed onto a high roof from which he could have fallen.

Children don't understand that stealing is bad

Sisters Nina and Natasha climbed into their classmate’s open backpack without permission. They took out 500 rubles from it (and first-graders had never held such money in their hands) and hid them in their underwear.

The injured girl, Ruzanna, did not immediately discover the loss - only when she wanted to buy water. The schoolgirl was very scared and called her mother: she thought that she had lost money.

The girl’s mother reported the incident to the class teacher, who, in turn, suggested that the money might have been stolen. The teacher did not doubt her assumption for a minute: after all, theft among children is a common practice. The teacher told all the parents about what happened and asked the children to find out - maybe someone took it. They began to check the children, and only then, under pressure, did the two sisters confess to the “theft” and take out the money hidden in their underpants.

Such an incident, according to psychologist Natalya Varskaya, should not become a reason for schoolchildren to call girls thieves. In childhood, there is nothing wrong with such an act - the children explore the world: many “stole” in childhood and still became good and successful people.

— You need to pay attention, but without fanaticism. Because stealing is common among children. As you grow older, if at the age of 13–14 theft continues, then this is already a crime. Children need to be explained that such actions are unprofitable and harmful to them. But there is no point in talking about harm to another person, or discussing any moral and ethical aspects. Primary school students are not yet very capable of perceiving such things: their emotional intelligence is only at the development stage. And their own life and interests are more intelligible for them,” explains the psychologist. “However, the child must be raised in the legal field. It is necessary for him to understand that such actions are a crime and such a situation could end in prison. But you need to explain this to them calmly and not in public, because the mark of a thief will remain for a long time.

In turn, the head of the Center for Emergency Psychological Assistance, Mikhail Vinogradov, believes that such situations have a dual nature.

“There were similar incidents in Soviet times, when schoolchildren took things out of each other’s briefcases and backpacks. It has been and always will be. The question is how to deal with this. It is necessary for a psychologist to help both children and their parents figure out what to do in such situations. After all, children’s ideas about crime are not quite like adults’: they do not understand that this is theft and theft.