“You can’t find real men these days,” women who have been making efforts for a long time to change their gentlemen often say. Today there are infantile, lack of initiative, weak, lazy men who just want to lie on the couch and do nothing. However, psychologists say that men do not become like this without the help of women. Women's magazine prettysecrets.ru will tell you how not to spoil your man.
All ladies once read fairy tales about strong and noble knights who rescued princesses and took them to their expensive castles to build family relationships. Everyone wants such a knight to come across her way. Almost everyone is still in the clouds, hoping that next to her there will be an “ideal” man who combines all the positive qualities:
- Determination and strength.
- Decisiveness and activity.
- Fearlessness and desire for success.
- Love for her alone and indifference to other ladies.
- Material and monetary well-being.
- Wisdom and prudence.
- Calm and stability in everything.
However, men of the human race are always not so ideal. In everyone you can find flaws that a woman then wants to redo. If at first she puts up with their presence, then she makes every effort to bring the man to the ideal image. As a result, nothing works out for her, and the man, on the contrary, becomes even weaker, lazy, aggressive and unattractive.
It should be understood that men will never be like the princes from fairy tales and love stories. Princes are book images that are always ideal so that women would enjoy reading about them and dreaming about them. However, real men will never combine all noble qualities.
If you adhere to this understanding, then a woman will stop performing those actions with which she only spoils a man. In an effort to make him an ideal man, she only achieves a deterioration in his qualities. And the woman does this with the actions discussed below.
Treat a man like a child
This behavior occurs quite often. A woman not only cleans up everything after her children and wipes away snot, but also after her husband. Yes, at first he thought with his own head, made decisions, coped with difficulties and was independent. However, after just a few months, he turned from an active, independent and determined man into a doormat who doesn’t solve anything without a woman, shifts most of the work onto her fragile shoulders, constantly lies on the sofa and snitches on difficulties. All this manifests itself after a woman treats a man like a child.
Many women carefully look after their loved ones, which is why they turn into little boys. Take care of your loved one, but don't baby him. A grown man is not an over-aged idiot! And even if you think that this is exactly the case, then do not emphasize this at every opportunity, otherwise he will indeed remain a klutz.
Your husband and lover is not your son, and, even more so, he should not be your concern, because his task is to be a man, and not another parasite. But if you see in him a real man who knows what he needs and does not need hints and advice, then over time he will really become an eagle! It is how you place yourself in a relationship, and then in a family, that will determine your companion as a husband or another adult son.
In women, the maternal instinct often takes over: in childhood they played with dolls, took examples from their mothers, etc. So they begin to overprotect adult men, teach them what they need to do: remind them to put on scarves, take pills, asking if they forgot their handkerchiefs, driver's licenses, etc. In general, they treat them like their sons. But this is not your responsibility.
If a man has not yet grown up, then let his real mother wipe up his drool. And your task is to create a family with him on equal terms, like two adults, like husband and wife.
Sometimes a woman wants to please her man so much that she makes him dependent on her. Yes, indeed, your soulmate will depend on you. But let it be an adult addiction, not a child’s one, because sooner or later “children leave their parents.” You do not owe a man to be his mother number 2. You are a woman who needs to start a family with a mature, responsible person, and not hang another boy around your neck. Do not make yourself a slave to the whims of an immature man. Create a life as a lover, wife and mother of young children.
Thus, do not do the following things towards a man:
- Don't be offended if he made his decision even if he consulted with you. In some matters, a man should not consult a woman at all, which should be treated positively.
- Do not tell him what and when to eat, what to wear, how to look, etc. Let him decide these issues himself.
- Don't treat him like a baby. He can bring himself a cup of coffee, pour soup into a plate, cut bread into slices, etc.
- Don't clean up his territory. You can only tell him to clean up after himself and leave him alone with the mess.
Your man already has a mommy. Let her babysit him. Allow yourself to be a woman with an adult and independent man next to her.
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How to learn to wait psychology
Steps to Femininity
Our great-great-grandmothers knew how to wait for their beloved husband for quite a long time and with a high concentration of strength.
They put all their faith, prayer, intention and peace into this process. Waiting for a faithful wife preserved life and protected the husband away from home. Can you wait like that? It is easy for a woman to wait by nature. The mere nine-month wait for the birth of a child already speaks in favor of this fact. How can we prepare gifts for our dear people in advance and wait six months for the holiday to please our loved ones? It’s incomprehensible to the mind, but we, women, have this in us. If we didn’t know how to wait, there would be no marriage proposal on HIS initiative, HIS exploits, marital fidelity and long-awaited children in the family. Or rather, all this would exist, but... somehow crumpled, ugly, doubtful...
It’s a pity, but a woman’s fidelity is also becoming very rare. However, fidelity is a separate matter. There are big imbalances here for many women. After the first or second date, if she has managed to please him, she is ready to provide him with so-called early fidelity, even if there has been no talk of any serious relationship yet. But a couple of years after visiting the registry office, during his business trip, she is faced with a painful feeling of loneliness and... no chastity belt can save her.
And yet, since you are reading this newsletter, my beloved friend, I assume that you are interested in femininity and your own development. And today I propose to talk about a woman’s ability to wait. It's very feminine.
Why does a woman need to know how to wait? In order to build your life, your happy female destiny in the most favorable way and not break the wood that I talked about a few paragraphs above.
- Waiting for the baby. It's not just those same nine months. This is also the internal readiness to become a mother even before conception. Sometimes for a very long time. Families who are trying to conceive, but for some reason it doesn’t work out right away, experience fear, pain, despair, and disappointment. And the moral situation in the family directly depends on how a woman behaves in this situation. Wait from month to month with more and more hope and faith, of course, without sitting with folded arms. Actively wait. By the way, the egg matures (this is where its activity ends) and waits for its sperm))). It is he who is striving for her at a very fast pace. And not the other way around.
- Wait for your man. The same one. When exactly HE will appear in life. Again, actively wait. Give a signal and give him the opportunity to enter your reality. The main thing here is not to make a false start, as they say in sports. Don’t run towards him too quickly, don’t grab him by the collar and say, “You’re mine!” ))). Beckon to you, captivate, enchant, but make sure that it is HIM you were waiting for and wait for decisive action on his part. He's the hunter, not you.
Law?urence A?lma-Ta?dema. Expectation.
- Wait to see how he will reveal himself to you. After all, a wise woman knows that there is no need to rush things. Freeze for a while, do not make sudden attempts if you have just started dating. Observe, take a closer look, evaluate. It's no secret that we behave differently with different people. Men too. With one woman he is a weakling, with another a worthy knight, with a third he is a mama's boy or neither fish nor fowl. If you don’t recognize now what kind of pretzel he can give out, I’m afraid that in the future you may not like a whole layer of his character traits at all.
— Wait for my husband from hunting mammoth or from a long voyage, or simply from work in the evenings. And so that, having been delayed for three hours at a meeting and returning home after a hard day at work, the husband is not greeted at home by an angry fury, the wife will need the ability to wait. Be able to occupy yourself and create such an environment in the house so that the breadwinner has no doubt: in this warm, cozy nest they were waiting for him, his day and efforts were not in vain, he is needed here, he is always welcome, here he can relax and gain strength.
Please note, my charming friend, waiting is not a circumstance of inactivity. Even if you can’t do anything (there are different situations in life), even if you didn’t lift a finger in your anticipation, this is still a very active state . This is a state of trust in the world and in yourself. Well, of course you can take various actions. Why not? Sometimes it’s even really necessary.
With a woman who does not know how to wait, a man has a very difficult time. The fact is that he has a dynamic nature, while a woman has a more static, balanced nature. And if a woman, instead of calmly waiting, begins to fuss, panic, take a bunch of unnecessary actions, tear out her hair and disturb the space in other ways, the husband is deprived of the strength to do anything adequate on his part. Whatever the question concerns. Earning money, sorting out troubles or some other family moments. The husband draws spiritual strength precisely from his wife, from his assistant, from the woman for whom he, in fact, does all this - earns money, sorts things out, protects and saves. Therefore, no matter how difficult the situation may be, calm down and remember the experience of women, our ancestors, who, with the power of their faith, protected their husbands who found themselves far from home. You will definitely succeed.
If this is an expectation of pleasant moments, then understand one thing: the meeting or event would not be so sweet if it were not for the need to wait. Therefore, enjoy every minute of the state in which you are now. Be it waiting for the Love of your life or your future baby or just an hour of meeting with your loved one.
If the event is not pleasant, it helps a lot
- prayer to those who believe. Or meditation. Or you can distract yourself with some activity. It was not for nothing that in the old days a woman did needlework while she was waiting for her beloved from distant lands, where he went to save his native land or get food or show other heroism :-);
- the ability to be grateful for what you already have. When you begin to list what you had and what you have now, you come to the realization that the Universe is favorable, since it gave you health, arms, legs, parents, husband, a roof over your head and food. She has given a lot and is already preparing something more for you. Bigger and better.
- realize what mistakes in thinking or actions could lead to an unpleasant situation and forced waiting. Draw conclusions and, if possible, take a different path. This is WAITING ACTIVELY.
Anticipation makes acceptance easier. The ability to accept any outcome in advance.
Pay attention, waiting is not the same as enduring, when you, gnashing your teeth, endure everything, but internally you are indignant and protest.
Grow plants or any flowers. This, firstly and at least, is very favorable for feminine energy, and secondly, it is a good educational demonstration to your subconscious that ACTIVE anticipation brings pleasant results - be it a beautiful flower or something else.
The ability to wait is a very feminine quality. And it in no way cancels out your emotionality, spontaneity, impulsiveness and spontaneity. Yes, we are such multifaceted, mysterious creatures, women - those who combine both expectation and impulsiveness in an extremely harmonious way!
Every dream includes anticipation. Expectation, hope, faith, confidence, the ability to rely on Higher Powers and on oneself. So dream healthy, and the more, the better! In my experience, dreams do come true, but what do you say, friend?
Once again about needlework. I know that modern young ladies are quite skeptical about embroidery, lace and other products of man-made miracles. Why create something when you can buy anything? That’s how it is, but needlework has not only an aesthetic and productive side, but also a meditative one. You create your own space. You conquer chaos, from which, with your imagination, love and measured actions, you create something absolutely individual and unique. Yours. You take a lot of threads of different shades, figure out a design and make a couple of dozen stitches a day. And after a while, your world begins to appear - what you imagined and methodically created. At the same time, you waited and took action, enjoyed the process, and were focused on the result. Isn’t this the best practice to learn to wait beautifully, like a woman?
For you, dear friend, if you wanted to get into the course of restoring femininity through a connection with your mother and the female race “Mothers and Daughters: a new line of Femininity” and WAITED for the second, in-depth version, the expected has happened. Registration is currently under the most favorable conditions HERE.
For those who wanted to understand coquetry in more detail and have not looked at the site for a long time, there is an article and a video here
I wish you, my captivating friend, the most pleasant moments of anticipation. And may all your dreams come true!
If you want to add, comment, clarify, or share your success -
psychologist in the field of femininity development, coach,
author of the project Steps to Femininity
and newsletters THE CHARMS OF FEMININITY or the life of open doors.
PS: if you do not want part of your letter to be quoted in the newsletter, be sure to indicate this
Criticize a man
This is often called “sawing.” A woman constantly nags a man, and does it for any reason. Whatever he does will be wrong. At the same time, not only the action that the man committed is criticized, but everything is raised to the absolute - a man never knows how to do anything correctly.
Often criticism is made in the presence of other people. A woman sometimes gets special pleasure from this situation. When a man with big eyes examines the reaction of others to a woman’s criticism of him, for some reason this makes her very happy: “Yeah, I was scared! So, we need to finish him off!”
Thus, women gradually make men fearful, unsure of themselves, and dissatisfied with relationships. After criticism, a man feels inferior to a woman who knows what is right and necessary. Over time, the “low” position compared to a woman becomes permanent
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How to become a psychologist yourself?
A psychologist is a person who doesn’t just give advice left and right on how to become better and how to change oneself. This is a qualified specialist who understands the patterns of human behavior and understands the true essence of the human soul. However, the work of a psychologist is shrouded in numerous myths that do not allow us to correctly assess all the subtleties and nuances of this specialty. Many people dream about it, but only a few can become true psychologists. How to become a competent specialist?
Compare a man with others
How else can you change a man if you can’t achieve anything using good methods? You need to give examples of other men whose actions you like. Since he doesn’t understand when he is asked for something, then let’s start comparing. It is comparison that ultimately deprives a man of self-confidence, a positive attitude, and determination - and all this is done by a woman.
By comparing a man with other Vasyas, Petyas, neighbors who help you carry your bags, or strangers who compliment you every day, you are secretly telling him that you do not like him for who he is. And you do it in plain text: “Look at the man I like and become like that.” The question arises: if you don’t like a man and his actions, why don’t you leave him?
The woman does not want to leave the man. However, she directs all her efforts to remake him. She does this by comparing a man with other people. Moreover, this is always done in such a way that others are ideal in everything, and the man himself, who is being compared, is bad in everything.
This is how a woman says that she is dissatisfied, which means she cannot love her man. This is how a woman cultivates low self-esteem and self-doubt in her partner. This is how a woman says that she does not want to see next to her someone whom she constantly compares with everyone else. A man may not understand this, but it will undermine his self-esteem and turn him into a rag.
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Studying at a university
Since it is impossible to become a psychologist without appropriate education, the first thing you need to do on this path is to get a diploma. After all, without it, the activity will be regarded as illegal. Also, if a person wants to be a practicing psychologist, and not just a researcher, he needs to clarify whether practical areas of psychotherapy are studied at the university where he plans to study. It is best to collect reviews about this university and ask the opinions of former graduates. Particular attention in the process of studying at a university should be paid to the development of students' practical skills in working with people.
Pay for a man, give him gifts and earn more money
Money is the goal of all men, since today it is the “mammoth” that they must bring home. The more “mammoths” a man brings into the house, the better for both his self-esteem and his woman’s mood. However, modern ladies have taken on the role of preying on “mammoths”: now they earn more money, give men gifts and pay for them in restaurants or shops.
If at first a man performed the usual role for everyone - he paid for all the woman’s expenses himself, then after the behavior of a lady who demonstrates her wealth and the opportunity to give a man a more expensive gift than he gave her, he will lose confidence in himself, lie down on the sofa and be in grief drink.
In order not to spoil the man, the role of prey for the “mammoths” should be left to him. It is he who should give more expensive gifts than you to him. He should be the one earning more money than you. He should be the one paying for you in stores and restaurants, not you. It is he who should provide for the family, not you.
Otherwise, by performing his duty for a man, you deprive him of all masculine qualities. He turns into a woman who becomes weak, lazy, passive, capricious and always dissatisfied with everything. And then the woman’s attempts to force him to go to work will be met with tears, resentment, hysteria and aggression.
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Psychotherapist training programs
But getting a higher education diploma is far from the end. After graduation, students are not yet ready to work with people directly. Studying at a university gives only a general understanding of what psychology is. To become a qualified specialist, you must complete a special program that trains psychotherapists.
Many people wonder why it takes so long to study as a psychologist? After all, to become a true master, it will take decades of hard work. In fact, only after this does a specialist have the opportunity to help people solve their problems and significantly accelerate personal growth. Many issues are almost impossible to solve without a competent psychologist.
Afraid of losing a man
A woman puts herself in a humiliating position if she begins to fear losing a man. This shows in her behavior and words. She constantly tells him how unhappy, pathetic and weak she is without a man. She constantly follows him, lives his life, sacrifices her desires and interests just to always keep him in sight.
Some would call it control. However, if there is a fear of losing, then we are talking about sacrifice. A lady sacrifices her life, interests, views, desires just to show a man how devoted and faithful she is to him. This may initially attract the gentleman, but then he will definitely begin to feel disgusted.
Nobody likes to be followed as a shadow, silent and unable to express themselves. In a man, this causes aggression, which first manifests itself in dissatisfaction, and then in reluctance to be near a woman. A sacrificial position due to fear of losing spoils not only a man, but also a woman.
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Learn to read nonverbal cues
A person gives out about 70% of all information about himself not through speech, but through facial expressions, gestures, and body posture. If a psychologist learns to understand body language, he will be able to direct the dialogue in the right direction. What was not said out loud will be said through gestures and facial expressions. For example, if a person tilts his head forward, the movements of his hands are fast, but their amplitude is small, then this indicates his openness. If the client turns his gaze to the surrounding objects, shifts from foot to foot, crosses his arms over his chest, it means that he does not like the situation, and the topic of conversation does not arouse interest.
For those thinking about how to become a psychologist, it is useful to observe our smaller brothers. After all, all they can do is express their emotions non-verbally, with the help of “meows” and “woofs,” wagging their tails, purring or snoring. They can convey their mood in all available ways, except speech.
Bottom line
Men today have gone bad, because next to them there are women who spoil them with their actions and words. At the beginning of a relationship, men are independent, active and purposeful. And after some time, they are already lying on the sofas, drinking beer and shifting their responsibilities to women. The result is the woman’s dissatisfaction, who herself contributed to this man’s behavior.
Just complaining about men will not change the situation. It is necessary to change your behavior and create all the conditions for a man to maintain his masculine qualities and not allow himself to relax.
Age is welcome
This is one of the few professions where age is an advantage. After all, it is unlikely that a mature person with years of experience behind him will share his problems with a twenty-year-old girl, even if she has a mountain of diplomas. In the work of a psychologist, a necessary condition is trust between the client and the therapist. In other words, empathy must arise. Without it, it is impossible to create rapport; If a person does not trust the therapist or for some reason the specialist is hostile, the therapy will be of no use. That is why in psychology age is an undeniable trump card. After all, someone who has rich personal experience always inspires trust.
Mismatch between expectations and reality leads to disappointment
Waiting for something that will never happen (or even if there is such a possibility, but it is very small) is the wrong action: it will invariably cause us to suffer from disappointment.
Don't expect too much... Just because you have no control over it: people act in accordance with their own interests. They can change their point of view at any time.
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But do you know who you can definitely rely on? On ourselves, and nothing more!
Based on the above, we bring to your attention 4 ways that can help you change your attitude towards others. And make this “transition” as smooth as possible. So that you stop expecting too much from other people without experiencing excruciating suffering. Believe me, this will free you and allow you to throw off the burden of unrealistic expectations that you were careless to trust. It's time to stop waiting and finally start living.
Why do people become psychologists?
Often, an applicant or just anyone who wants to thinks about how to become a psychologist, not because of their true calling. If you ask a person what pushes him on this path, he may answer: “I want to help people.” However, in reality, many of those interested in psychology themselves need help. Getting an education is not the best way to deal with personal problems. Therefore, in this case, you should first contact a good specialist and undergo a course of therapy. Only after this can you think about how to become a psychologist and what is needed for this.
And finally, the most important thing is that to become a good specialist, you need not only long-term training, but also many years of practice with clients, working with human problems. It is not easy for a beginning psychologist to develop his base and promote his services. However, without work experience, a psychologist will be called that only formally. Only after living with dozens of clients their difficulties and problems, correlating psychological methods with real practice and gaining invaluable experience, can a specialist worthily bear this title.
Therefore, in order to become a professional psychologist, after receiving your education you need to also learn how to promote your services. To do this, a specialist needs to understand what distinguishes him from others like him. How can he help people? What can he offer the client? Would he contact himself if he were in the client’s place? All these important questions must be answered truthfully.
Sources: How to learn to wait psychology It is easy for a woman to wait by nature. The mere nine-month wait for the birth of a child already speaks in favor of this fact. How can we prepare gifts for our dear people in advance and wait six months for the holiday to please our loved ones? It’s incomprehensible to the mind, but we, women, have this in us. https://www.pleni.ru/blog/item/umeniezhdat How to learn patience and humility Entertainment psychology answers the questions of how to learn patience and how to learn humility: “Try to get distracted.” Funny, right? It is difficult to learn something https://soverhsenstvo-iznutry.ru/kak-nauchitsya-terpeniyu-i-smireniyu/ How to become a psychologist on your own A psychologist is a qualified specialist who understands the patterns of human behavior and understands the true essence of the human soul. But to become a psychologist, you need to get an education, undergo psychotherapy, and also take special courses for a long time. Read the article about how to become a psychologist. https://fb.ru/article/372487/kak-stat-psihologom-samostoyatelno
Learn to listen
Since becoming a psychologist is impossible for those who are unable to listen, this skill needs to be given special attention. There are many people who do not allow a single word to be inserted into their abundant monologue. Even if their long rant actually covers an interesting topic, the fact of disrespect for the other person's opinion becomes key. A silent interlocutor is always much more attractive than one who, while speaking, does not take the trouble to hear the opinion of his counterpart. The conversation will not be fruitful if each of its participants hears only themselves. Therefore, a novice psychologist cannot do without this skill.
