How to respond to a man’s compliment: possible answers, advice from psychologists

In this article, psychologist Evgenia Dvoretskaya answers the question “What should I say to a girl when she says thank you for the compliment?”

So - the question is - do you think a guy should even respond to this “thank you”? I even often find compliments unpleasant because they are so commonplace, but I remain polite and thank them. However, I think a compliment is a gift that you just need to accept.

I think the answers “Please”, “You’re welcome” are completely inappropriate here - after all, he essentially didn’t do anything to which one can respond like that. On the contrary, I answer him to make HIM happy, even if the compliment doesn’t suit me or irritates me.

No, this is stupidity. And I agree that the compliment is hackneyed. This is like a demonstration that the person is not particularly versatile. Although I don’t know who else can be found on such sites?! After all, if he were cool, he would hardly bother looking for a girlfriend on the Internet when you can find him on the street. I mean in life.

I myself try to come up with some other answer options in order to evoke at least a shadow of a smile. Most often I say, “Why thank you to me? I am not the culprit of your beauty))” or, “No need to thank. They don’t thank you for the truth)"

Well, and stuff like that. It all depends on the person and the compliment.

A polite person will always respond to “thank you” with “you’re welcome”, or “good luck”, or “no need for gratitude”, if only because this is prescribed by the rules of etiquette.

And this answer may sound quite natural in context. For example, I’ll repeat after you: “You have a beautiful photo.” - "Thank you". - “There is no need for gratitude, because I fell in love with you at first sight.”

These words (thank you, please, etc.) should be perceived as a tribute to politeness prescribed by etiquette, and not delve into their semantic meaning. For example, you answered the guy out of politeness “thank you,” the meaning of which is “God save you.” A guy, thinking the same way as you, might think something like this: “You don’t need to save me, because I’m not a believer.”

Therefore, we need to live according to the laws and rules (in this case, the rules of etiquette), observing our folk traditions, and not according to our own concepts.

We are Russians, after all, and not, for example, the British, who, by the way, have a custom of leaving without saying goodbye.

How to respond to a compliment
How to praise a man
Learn to accept compliments!

how to understand everything from compliments

How to properly respond to praise

The first mistaken reaction is embarrassment. It is typical for people who have too low self-esteem. They immediately begin to blush, turn pale, deny their virtues, and so on. And any mistake, of course, has consequences. If an embarrassed, reddened face and downcast eyes can still give a person a touching look, then ridiculous muttering and an emphasis on one’s shortcomings will not create the best impression on the interlocutor. This can also offend him, because by doing so you show your interlocutor that his opinion is not important to you.

The second mistake is the inability to respond to a compliment. This reaction is typical for people who do not like to be the center of attention and simply do not know how to react to compliments. They also begin to belittle or completely deny their advantages and merits. Or they start responding with standard answers, namely giving exactly the same compliment in return. A standard response to a compliment or copying a compliment will give your interlocutor the impression that you treat him with indifference, that you are busy with your own business and that you have no time for compliments at all right now.

The third mistake is absent-mindedness and suspicion. This is typical for absent-minded people who are constantly busy with their thoughts and who are too suspicious can simply ignore a compliment. The first ones can do this because they simply do not have time to switch their attention. The latter do this because they begin to suspect something is wrong and begin to wonder why the interlocutor suddenly decided to give a compliment. But the interlocutor himself, in turn, may decide that you are simply proud. If he is not closely acquainted with you and he does not know the features of your character, for example, absent-mindedness, then this will lead to a deterioration in the relationship between you.

From early childhood, we are taught to say the word “thank you” by our parents, educators, and teachers. That is why the ability to give thanks is instilled as a skill, firmly and for life. With age and experience, the word can vary: thank you, very grateful, accept gratitude and others.

But sometimes we don’t know how to respond to “thank you.” It even seems that no response is needed. Is it really?

Is it necessary to respond to gratitude?

Let's try to put ourselves in the shoes of the person thanking. Having said the cherished word, you do not specifically expect anything in response. But how nice it would be to see or hear kind words in return!

These may not be words, but a gesture or a fleeting smile, an expression of a glance. Such “little things” can preserve a good impression of a polite person for a long time. Exaggerating a bit, we can say: you would like it.

In any case, simply turning away and going about your business in response to a “thank you” is rude and can be upsetting.

But every rule has exceptions. Sometimes the word “thank you” has the opposite meaning and is pronounced with sarcasm, mockery or anger. In this case, the person does not thank, but expresses his resentment or anger: “thank you for the broken car,” “thank you for being late,” “thank you for the ruined evening.” Here it is better to remain silent in response or apologize for the mistake.

Types of compliments

There are many compliments, and reactions to them can vary. For example, sincere and not very sincere. In the latter case, you are left with some kind of bad taste after hearing the praise. In everyday life we call this flattery. Usually there is a hidden purpose behind it, which is almost always felt in communication.

Nice words can be spoken from different positions: as equals, from above and from below. A man who compliments a woman in the latter way will have no luck. We are not interested in those who feel one step lower. Praise from above usually causes irritation and aggression. And a compliment made on equal terms deserves a positive and sincere reaction.

Sometimes it is difficult for a man to give you a direct compliment, so he takes a roundabout route. For example, instead of “you look great,” he says: “Every passerby turns to look at you!” You can hear notes of anger in this, and this is logical, because he is worried about his own self-doubt.

There are also hidden compliments. It is not always appropriate to say nice things to a person directly. In this case, an atmosphere of intimacy and trust in a relationship is created through indirect techniques: interested questions, sincere comments and natural reactions to the conversation. We especially often encounter this at the beginning of a relationship, when a young man and a girl are a little awkward and at the same time pleasant to play such a subtle game.

Verbal response to gratitude

The easiest way to respond to “thank you” is “please”, it’s that simple! But people with poor communication skills sometimes have difficulty expressing emotions verbally. That is why this also needs to be taught to everyone from childhood.

Let's consider the options for verbal answers:

Please;
do not mention it;
I was glad to help you;
contact;
you're welcome;
I was pleased to do this;
nothing, it wasn’t difficult for me;
if necessary, I will do it again;
If you have any problem, please contact me again;
and thank you very much for asking for help;
to your health (if you thanked me for a delicious lunch).

There are so many possible options, and that's not all. Each response to a grateful “thank you” depends on the specific situation, on the people, on their position. It should be taken into account that a rather boring “you’re welcome” in some way diminishes the value of the service provided.

You can solve the “thank you, please” problem in another language, but to do this you need to be sure that you will be understood. For example, answer in English, which is now very popular:

do not mention it;
not at all;
was glad to help.

How to respond nicely to a compliment?

There is an art to responding to compliments gracefully. It all depends on the person who decided to “stroke” you psychologically.

If this is a close friend, you can even hug her and say with a smile: “ Thank you!”
»
If you’re a business partner, modestly laugh it off: “ I’m following your example!”
»
If a man turns out to be generous with praise, do not refuse, nod slightly: “ Yes, thank you!”
“This will make it clear that you know about it and others do too.
Not only women love praise, but also men. Why not. The answer should be simple and short: “ Yes, thank you, I like my hairdresser too!”
"
Or jokingly: “ I try to look good, but I can’t keep up with you!”
»

It is much easier to react to words from a friend than from a recent acquaintance. And even if you said something stupid and found yourself in an awkward position, sincerity

will always help correct the situation.

Experiments by psychologists

From a psychological point of view, “no way” symbolizes a sign of lost benefit (benefit). It's better to choose something more acceptable. A very sophisticated answer is advised by the famous psychologist Robert Cialdini: “I’m sure you would do the same for me.” In this simple way, reciprocity begins. There is a feeling that good will be repaid with good (in the future tense).

Adam Grant considered it wrong to hint to a person about a future “return of the good deed.” And he slightly altered Cialdini’s phrase: “. I was glad to help, you would probably do the same for me.” This removes the “aftertaste” from the first option, and the person does not feel like a debtor.

Reply using gestures

Of course, gestures also help in communication. Under no circumstances should you use an irritable “wave” of your hand. In this case, you can insult the person, show that “there’s already a lot to do,” but you had to be distracted by other people’s problems.

But gestures are different, not all are verbally translatable, but each is intuitive. We suggest you study a small list. In response to “thank you” you can do the following:

just smile cordially, this action works wonders;
place your palm on your heart and slightly tilt your head;
imitate a handshake by clasping your own palms and shaking them slightly;
just nod your head slightly and smile back;
depict an “air kiss” (for ladies).

This list can be continued with your own options (imagine at your leisure)!

Hidden compliments

Not every person is ready to be straightforward and confident enough to meet a response. Therefore, approval or high appreciation on his part may take the form of a randomly asked question or comment that is associated with pleasant impressions for the woman.

A hidden compliment can appear as a natural reaction in a conversation. At the beginning of a relationship, this is quite appropriate, given the temporary awkwardness. And then it is convenient to use subtle play.

The ability to recognize a person’s cautious intention to win over you will shorten the path to achieving harmony. But a guy's remark about a girl's bright appearance in such a way as "she attracts everyone's attention" can cause her resentment if it is misunderstood.

Before responding to a compliment to a man via correspondence, it is not necessary to specifically “formulate” the return praise, because you can unintentionally “imply” his attractiveness and other advantages during the conversation.

If you gave a gift

The problem for many is the inability to accept gifts. But an even bigger problem is how to respond to “thank you for the gift”, what to say in response?

The main thing is to behave with restraint and confidence. You need to react adequately, there are many options here. Imagine again: you gave a gift, the person rejoices! It's nice, isn't it?

How to respond to “thank you”? The options are as follows:

I'm glad I pleased you;
We are glad that you liked the gift (it was about the soul);
please (don't forget about the simple option);
do not mention it;
wear (use) with pleasure.

How to respond to a compliment with humor?

A sense of humor, as unusual as it sounds, will help here, but how would it be without it. The ability to respond in an original way can often impress your interlocutor more than the compliment itself.

“I couldn’t be happier!”
“And I can also embroider on a typewriter!”
You were rude on the bus, remember that “politeness is a thief’s best weapon”: “What a kind look you have, sorry for making you angry!”
You can jokingly be indignant: “Why do you look so good today, I can’t do that!”

Don't forget that responding to compliments is difficult, but giving them is even more difficult. Don’t make the speaker nervous when he “blurted out” the wrong thing in your direction; know how to support the person who was trying to please you - this, sometimes, will show your attitude towards him or her better than any answer.

Let's say nice words to our friend as often as possible so that we don't have to ask the question: “How to respond to a compliment?” and we always knew it.

What is not allowed

Under no circumstances should you answer something like: “it’s not expensive”, “we didn’t buy it, I had a gift lying around at home”, “I got it as a present”, “bought it on sale”.

Some gestures are also unacceptable: waving, grinning, mysterious glances. The person who accepts the gift must see the clarity of the situation: you presented the gift with all your heart, and he joyfully accepts it. And no ambiguous hints!

All these words, gestures, facial expressions can not only offend a person, this is a serious request to never be invited into the house again. Therefore, think carefully about how to respond to “thank you.”

Reasons for incorrect responses to compliments

Everything in this world is natural. The reactions are based on reasons that are associated with personal problems. Perhaps it’s not you: to rule out this option, think about what kind of compliments make you want to tell the person who is saying them to go to hell. If this list includes individual people with their words, then you should think about communicating with them. When you cannot accept praise addressed to you at all, you should look for the reason within yourself.

Low self-esteem

She often finds herself with low self-esteem. You have a strong belief that you cannot be truly admired. Any praise is perceived as mockery and causes the wrong reaction. Usually, the roots of this problem should be sought in childhood, when parents and other adults give little praise to the child, who is still small, and all his ideas about himself depend on the assessments of others. Therefore, you take any compliments with distrust, and it seems to you that you are being deceived. The only way out is to love yourself. This will have a positive impact on all areas of your life.

Low self-esteem logically results in the feeling of awkwardness experienced by a person who hears supposedly undeserved praise. Sometimes, in advanced cases, it even transforms into a feeling of guilt, because it seems to you that you are deceiving others, and they have illusions about you.

Heightened self-esteem

Another category of people, on the contrary, have inflated self-esteem. It seems to them that the achievement that a person pays attention to is a small thing, and they are capable of more. Some even take offense at the praise, saying something like: “Does it really seem to you that this is the most I can do?!” If compliments make you feel these or similar feelings, then it’s time to think about correcting your self-esteem.

Sometimes it seems to us that compliments oblige us to something. If you are praised, then the person needs to give something in return: reciprocal praise, your warm attitude, or even a favor. Usually it’s all due to attitudes that have been ingrained in the subconscious since childhood or adolescence: “in life you have to pay for everything,” “free cheese can only be found in a mousetrap.” You can, of course, return a compliment with a compliment, but there is a high chance that it will not look natural.

Suspicion

Finally, the last reason why we don’t know how to respond to a compliment correctly is suspicion. You decide that the person is trying to manipulate you. Simply put, he flatters you by exaggerating or even inventing non-existent advantages and achievements. In some cases, this may be true, and then your intuition is worth envying. However, if you are trying to find a catch in every praise, then you should think about it. Most likely, it’s all about negative attitudes towards people or the world as a whole. For example, “a man can only need one thing from a woman,” “the world is full of evil.” These thoughts simply will not allow you to be happy, and you need to get rid of them - sometimes with the help of a psychologist.

About women and men

Women love gifts very much, all men know this. But if there is a close relationship in a couple, then the lady can express gratitude in various ways. All of the above are not suitable.

A woman, accepting a gift, may hug back, jump and squeal with happiness. No sour expression or quiet “thank you.” Gratitude in this case can be loud, stormy and always sincere.

Then the man will go crazy in order to constantly give gifts to his beloved and not worry about the topic: “What to answer to “Thank you for the gift”?”

Boasting about appearance

Not all guys are imaginative. Sometimes they give ordinary compliments. For example: “You are beautiful!”, “You are pretty!”, “You have a great figure!”

In such cases, women can simply thank, or they can answer the young man in an original way, if circumstances allow it.

Thanks for the compliment. The main thing is that it is unexpected!
You notice everything so subtly! What would I do without you?
The parents did their best. We raised such a beautiful and smart girl!
Without you, I would not have guessed about attractiveness!
Yes, the world can be calm! My beauty will save him.
You have no idea what's hiding inside. My appearance is nothing compared to my inner world.
Thank you! You improved my mood. The main thing is that it is not flattery, sir!
Original words! Few people would think to say this.

I recommend you watch: How to win a Scorpio man

The lady can respond to praise in English. It’s better to use the usual word “thank you” to translate “thank you.” The French equivalent would also work: “Mercy!” or in German: “Danke!”

But you shouldn’t speak too long phrases in a foreign language, because not every man is a polyglot. May not know many expressions and will feel uncomfortable.