Compliments for a child: how to praise children correctly

Describe your feelings

Are you expected to receive praise?
Describe how you feel: “I see you tried to solve the problem in different ways. I like the one you chose.” "Hooray! The ball went straight into the basket. What an accurate throw! I liked the way you did it."

“I appreciate your help. Thank you for leaving your business. I'm very pleased".

“I like this picture. The bird on it looks like it’s alive!”

“Every time I remember that joke of yours, I can’t help but laugh.”

When you describe to a child what you see or feel, it has an almost magical effect on him. With your words, you not only confirm the value of your child’s efforts, but also give him confidence. And thereby motivate him to further efforts.

After such correct praise, the child will begin to think: “Yes, I didn’t train until I managed to throw the ball into the basket...”, “The more I draw, the better I do...”, “I can be kind.” , “I can joke...”

Have no doubt: this is exactly how everything will be! Describe your feelings and impressions to your child. By doing this, you will not only show him that you really like the result, but you will also be able to strengthen his confidence in himself and his abilities, and also instill a sense of responsibility.

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How to praise a child correctly:

1. Praise your child for specific actions. Try to praise in such a way that he understands what exactly he did well and why it was good in general. For example, if you praise him for drawing a beautiful picture, pay attention to the details: “You made such a beautiful sun! And that bird over there looks like a real one.” Avoid phrases like: “You are so great! A real artist!" Even praise addressed to a small child must be adequate to the situation. It is important to praise the action, not the person. You can also point out what difficult task the child completed, for example: “It’s very difficult to draw a bird.”
2. Reinforce praise with nonverbal components: a smile, a hug, a kiss. The baby should feel that you are sincerely pleased with his action, and did not praise him just to “get rid of him.” In addition, psychologists recommend hugging and kissing a child at least four times a day.
3. Don't compare your child with others! You've probably already heard how undesirable it is to compare your child with other children when pointing out his mistakes. The situation is the same with praise. When praising a child, there is no need to point out that he did something better than Vasya, Petya, Masha. Don't instill in him a sense of superiority.
4. There is no need to praise for every little thing, otherwise the meaning of praise is lost. And with this you risk that after some time the child will expect rewards for almost every action. And if it doesn’t wait, he will be perplexed and confused.
5. Try to distinguish in your praise what the child can do with ease and what with difficulty . Do not focus too much on natural abilities (strength, flexibility, etc.) On the contrary, pay attention to the child’s achievements, which are not given to him without effort. Praise him if he tries hard and doesn't give up.
6. There is no need to promise a child that he will grow up to be a great artist, dancer, singer, or athlete. Think about how he will worry in the future if your grandiose expectations are not met. But this does not mean that you need to tell him: “You will not succeed in this. You have no abilities!
7. If you have already praised your child for some achievement, you should not explain to him after a while that in fact his success was not that great.

And lastly..... “If you don’t know what to praise your child for, come up with it!” – advises psychiatrist and psychotherapist V. Levi, in his book “Non-standard Child”.

Every mother is sure: her child is the most beautiful, the smartest, the most talented. Of course, this is so, because a mother proud of her baby will try to put into him all the best that she herself has achieved or that she would like to achieve if there were such opportunities at one time.

Children of loving parents grow up to be self-confident people, capable of incredible accomplishments and achievements. But in order for the baby to feel his importance and capabilities, he must be praised. Moreover, this must be done correctly.

Praise is like a sweet dessert: it should always be present in moderation and offered on time. Learning to praise your child correctly is not that difficult. The main thing is to take into account the basic psychological characteristics of praise for children, and then it will become an important tool for parents in raising a self-confident and ambitious person.

So, here are 10 important principles for properly praising a child:

1. You need to praise for achievements, not for things that go without saying.

Your baby is 2 years old and already eats with a spoon on his own? This is a great opportunity for well-deserved praise. Tell your child how glad you are that he is becoming independent, and therefore growing up.

But just remember that you need to praise for a specific achievement not very often and not for long. A couple of times is enough for the child to realize his achievements and gain motivation to master the next skills.

If you praise your baby all the time for the same thing, this will make him accustomed to praise without a special occasion, and he will wait for it for any reason. Children who are over-praised for the same actions often grow up to be self-centered, and in adulthood they are often disappointed due to the lack of adoration from others.

Teach your child that you praise him only for new achievements and achievements. This will make him understand that success must be achieved, that praise has a specific price in the form of effort, that there is no limit to perfection and that one always needs to develop and move forward.

Such praise will grow your little one into an ambitious person with a high level of self-motivation and self-organization. Do you agree that these are excellent qualities for both boys and girls?

2. You need to praise for your actions, not the child himself as an individual.

Always praise your child for doing the right thing, not the child himself. Did your child wash his cup? Praise him for his help, cleanliness, and accuracy. Have you learned to go potty? Again, praise for cleanliness, maturity, and dry pants.

When you praise your baby, say: “You helped me a lot by putting away your toys yourself, now mom won’t be so tired and will be able to play with you a little before bed” (let the baby immediately see the benefits of his good deeds). And you shouldn’t say this: “Have you collected your toys? Well done, you!” Young children need to be explained exactly why their action is good, and not just given compliments.

Children should understand that they are praised for their actions and achievements, and not because they are all so good. No, they are naturally good, but not a priori, but because they act correctly.

3. You need to praise without comparing with others

Never praise your child in comparison with other children. Phrase: “You are great! She drew such a beautiful drawing, not like Masha (Dasha, Sasha).” Such comparisons should not exist, otherwise your child will always compare himself with others and get used to disparaging the achievements of other people. Such praise fosters pride and high self-esteem in the child.

If a child tries to shield himself in front of other children, you must tactfully explain to him why this should not be done. Children cannot be perfect in everything, so there will always be other children who will be better than your little one in some way.

Let the child compare his successes with his own successes earlier. This will teach him to achieve goals, despite obstacles, and will allow him to correctly assess opportunities.

4. Praise must be sincere

Always praise your child sincerely - children sense falsehood much more strongly than adults. And why teach a child to hypocrisy and lies.

When you praise a child, express your joy, take time to praise, do not praise in between, as long as he gets away from you. Show emotions while praising and use them in your eulogy: “I see that she drew the sea and the sun, your drawing is so colorful, I like it, I think I’m back to the sea again, your drawing brings back pleasant memories of the sea.”

Let the child feel your emotions and praise himself for his talent and opportunity to please you. It is not necessary to reward him with flattering epithets every time; sometimes it is enough to colorfully describe your emotions and feelings from the baby’s action, and he will praise himself for what he has done.

How is this praise technique useful? It develops in the child the ability to praise himself independently, teaches him to see his successes and adequately evaluate them, teaches him to understand exactly how he can be useful through his actions and deeds.

5. Praise must be given with the caveat of the child’s age.

Always consider your child's age when praising. The older your child is, the more specific and reasonable the praise should be.

For example, if you praise your 5-year-old child for tying his own shoes, he will understand this praise and be proud of his new skill. And if you express similar praise to a 10-year-old, he will consider it a mockery and may even be offended by you.

6. Praise should be given immediately

Remember that children, especially preschoolers, are still poorly oriented in time. Therefore, they need to be praised and condemned immediately after a specific action, and not after some time. It will be difficult for your child to understand why and for what he is being praised if you express the praise in the evening, but he did a good deed during the day.

Learn to praise your child as soon as you notice something for which you can praise, and do not put off praising until later, even if you are very busy. Believe me, a minute of your attention to his achievements and approval will do much more for your relationship than a trip to the park and visiting all the attractions.

7. Praise must be given with motivation for further development.

Praise is a powerful driver of your child's development. Use it correctly and profitably, and you will never have to force your child to do something against his will or at your insistence.

When praising, try to describe what else the child can achieve if he doesn’t stop there, in what direction he can move, and what else he can do to please you. For example: “You cleaned your room perfectly, all we have to do is throw the dirty clothes in the wash and we can go for a walk” or “How many words in English have you learned, with such a wonderful memory you will quickly cope with the math problem.”

8. Don’t discount other people’s praise.

Do not forget to be proud of your child if it is not you, but someone else who praises his actions or achievements. Never devalue someone else’s praise, but on the contrary, give it significance on your part.

The phrase “whether she sculpts perfectly from plasticine, the girl next to her turned out to be just as good” should never be uttered by you. It’s better to say: “Yes, I also noticed that my daughter sculpts well, we plan to send her to the appropriate club to develop her talent even more.”

9. Tell other people about your child's achievements

If you have something to be proud of your baby, then be sure to praise the child in front of other people or talk about his achievements in front of him. Let the child know that his parents are proud of his successes - this will motivate him to further development and achievements.

10. Never withdraw your praise, even if you are angry with your child.

If you praised a child for something, then never cancel your praise, even if the child’s good deed was followed by a not entirely good one.

For example, if a child collected toys in his room, you praised him for it, and after a couple of minutes the child scattered all the toys again. In this case, you shouldn’t say: “What a bad thing you did, I’m disappointed with you, because you scattered the toys again, you shouldn’t have collected them then.”

It’s better to say: “You collected the toys, and the room became so beautiful and clean, now the scattered toys interfere with running around the room and playing ball, but I really wanted to play ball with you.”

A phrase like this will motivate the child to put his toys back together and make him understand why it’s bad to be sloppy. At the same time, you will not cancel your previous praise, but will once again remind you of how great the child was when he did the right thing.

Now you know how to properly praise your child so that he grows up confident and purposeful. Follow these tips from a psychologist, and it will be much easier for you to raise a harmonious personality out of your baby.

Did you like this article? In this case, give us a like and write in the comments how do you praise your child(ren)?

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Should a girl be praised, but not a boy?

The issue of praise always causes a lot of controversy. There is an opinion that a girl should not be praised for what she has done, so that she develops a stereotype that recognition will come to her only for her achievements. The daughter must be praised for the fact that she simply is - smart, beautiful, housewife. The boy is the opposite.

It is necessary to clearly distinguish between praise and compliments. It is great if a future woman will be able to accept compliments from an early age. This skill will help her avoid many problems in the future. But the lack of praise for efforts or achievements can be harmful to a future woman. Give compliments and praise your daughters wisely. It does not interfere.

Shift of emphasis

Many mothers tend to praise their children, peppering their speech with such compliments: “You are so smart and beautiful”, “Oh, what cheeks/nose, hair!”, “You are the most beautiful girl on earth”...

Article on the topic

Psychologists: a child should be praised 5 times more often than scolded. Try to shift the emphasis from appearance to the real merits of the child and to your attitude towards him.

The main thing, after all, is not his angelic curls, but his kind heart and cheerful disposition. Let your child receive compliments about his appearance and actions equally. Moreover, they must be deserved.

Cruel stingy rationality

The second mistake that parents often make out of love for their children is replacing praise with criticism, advice and dissatisfaction. Such parents seem to constantly raise the bar of expectations for the child. As a result, he constantly feels that he is simply unable to reach their high standards. The Spartan approach is very cruel! Self-test questions will help you understand whether parents are too stingy with praise.

What should you ask yourself?

• When telling a child about his merits or successes, am I afraid that he will become arrogant? Am I adding that he needs to keep trying?
• How often does my praise end with the qualifying word “but”?
• What does my child hear more often: criticism or words of encouragement?

If you answered yes to one or more questions, make every effort to say words of praise more often!

Not understanding how to properly praise a child, parents often pepper their words of approval with reservations and comments. In fact, such conditional praise is just a disguised expectation of more. Children will feel inadequate after such praise. Parents will become for them eternally dissatisfied taskmasters who are simply impossible to please. This is a hidden manipulation of the child’s need to be worthy of parental love. Avoid any qualifications in praise. This is a fly in the ointment that will ruin all your efforts!

False praise is a disservice

The first extreme to which inexperienced parents mindlessly rush is thoughtless enthusiastic praise. A loving father and mother may think they are instilling confidence in their children. In fact, such enthusiasm spoils character, develops mistrust, and awakens painful pride. How to distinguish useful praise from destructive? Think about the words you use to praise your children and what you can change in your approach for the better.

How to test yourself?

• How often do you tell your child that he is the best of the best?
• Do you praise your children not so much for their work and effort, but for their natural abilities?
• Do you say when your child fails that it is the fault of other people or circumstances?

If you answered yes to at least one of the questions, you are probably abusing unreasonable praise. By telling your child that he is better than everyone else, you instill in him a distorted view of people. Are there better and worse? Every person, including a very young person, has strengths and weaknesses. Each of us does good deeds and, from time to time, makes mistakes. Your task is to cultivate in your child a respectful attitude towards others and a balanced view of himself. This is what will help him gain real dignity.

As each person grows up, they discover talents and abilities in creativity, mathematics, technology, languages, or something else. Will it help a child achieve success if mom and dad tirelessly repeat how gifted he is? Of course, it is important to support your child so that he recognizes his strengths and uses them. On the other hand, the habit of relying only on natural talents will do children a disservice. When faced with obstacles, they may doubt themselves and become discouraged, or simply be too lazy to put in the extra effort. It is important to show your child that he has talents, but they can be developed with effort.

By praising children out of nowhere, you are doing a disservice to both them and yourself. Unreasonable praise will make you question the parent's motives. Parental authority will suffer and trust will be shaken. The child's confidence that he is capable of doing something worthwhile will actually be undermined. Children subtly sense any falsehood and flattery. By unreasonably praising your children, you are literally shouting about their failures! False praise will reach the children's minds, but their hearts will feel the depth of parental disappointment.

Does this mean that praise only harms? Sometimes parents go to the other extreme, doubting whether they need to praise their child at all.

The Art of Positive and Specific Praise

Let's see what words are best to praise a child so that the personality is formed holistically, harmoniously, without excesses. To express sincere approval, it is important to focus on the child's good deeds and sincere efforts. Instead of scattering abstract, meaningless delight in the spirit of “you are my princess,” or “you are a real hero,” notice specific things and express your attitude towards them. Examples of constructive praise will help you understand how to praise your child.

Examples of constructive praise

• I really liked that you shared candy with your brother. You acted generously!
• I saw how hard you tried to learn this verse. You are very responsible!
• You draw a lot, and you get better and better. We are very glad that you have patience and diligence! This will definitely help you develop your talent.
• Thank you, children, for helping us clean the house. Thanks to your help, we completed it much faster. We are so pleased that you are hardworking and caring!

Praise can be different, because each family has its own microclimate and habits. There are no immutable rules on how to properly praise a child. The main thing for parents is to always be honest with their children, warmly praising them for genuine efforts, good intentions and good deeds. You can never have too much praise like that!

Candy for a smile

As children grow up, they begin to realize how good they are. This is where difficulties can begin. Realizing your attractiveness to a child is a difficult test. The manipulative abilities that are inherent in all children easily allow them to pout their lips cutely, make a sad face, pity even the most cold-blooded adult and achieve what they want.

This way you can avoid punishment, beg for sweets - you just have to use your childish charm. And now appearance risks turning into a bargaining chip from an early age... What to do?

You are the best!

Kids are not able to evaluate their appearance. They don't know whether they are beautiful or not. The only guideline for them is the words of their parents.

Your explanations of what is beautiful and what appearance is not the most attractive become fundamental for the child. Only the right words from mom and dad can form a child’s adequate self-esteem and idea of ​​his appearance.

It is especially important for a girl to hear an assessment from her dad. Dad's compliments are one of the important conditions for the harmonious development of the little princess!

Rules are rules

Do not indulge your princess's whims and quirks. The rules are the same for everyone, and cute children should not get away with their mischief and disobedience. Otherwise, after your child’s next hooligan act, you risk hearing: “I’m beautiful, I can do anything!”

It is important to be an example for children. And for the whole family. And also praise the child if he independently chose any accessory or thing that emphasizes his strengths. In addition, it is useful to watch films and productions of musicals and plays, where the aesthetics and elegance of the heroes of the works are especially pronounced.

— Anna Milyaeva

Why is praise necessary?

Praise, even in small quantities, has enormous power and is necessary for any person, almost like a breath of water or fresh air. It gives fresh breath, irrigates and nourishes desires and aspirations, and motivates.

It is necessary to praise the child. Praise, in part, helps him create a positive and realistic image of himself. It concentrates the child on his successes, strengthens self-confidence, and motivates him to new achievements. Thanks to her, children develop desire and interest in new activities.

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