Does love exist: scientific explanation and real-life examples

What is love - definition

There is practically no clear definition of love, since each person understands this feeling in his own way.

Based on the sexological encyclopedia, the term is defined as an intimate and deep feeling between two people, with the interrelation of psychological and physical attraction, as well as the desire to be constantly close, to care and sacrifice important things for the benefit of another person.

One of the main aspects of true love is that it does not involve toxicity in relationships and dependence.

You can often hear the phrase “One loves, another allows himself to be loved,” in this case there is a clear contradiction of the definition. True and boundless love always has an interconnection between two people. Showing feelings for a person who doesn’t want it will lead to nothing. Sympathy, similar to love, at first glance, will slow down and remain in the past. It is extremely rare to feel true love and maintain feelings at the same original level. In the real world, there are too many negative influences on couples - jealousy, rumors from strangers, mistrust, quarrels in everyday life. Despite the problems in the relationship, if young people sincerely love each other and want to live a long life together, they will definitely find a compromise and eradicate the negativity even in the process of conception.

Relationship stages

Love does not appear immediately and forever. This point must be taken into account to avoid disappointment. Mutual attraction can arise at any age, but there is no point in deceiving yourself by wishful thinking. There are stages of relationships when feelings are formed and developed. What it will become in the end depends on a combination of many factors.

Dating stage. People get to know each other. There is an emergence of sympathy and a manifestation of interest. It’s too early to talk about a future together, but especially sensitive individuals feel something, the first shoots of sympathy, trying to predict whether they are on the same path with this person.
Courtship period. The sweetest period, which is also called the candy-bouquet period. A man and a woman enjoy each other's company, but do not yet make joint plans.
Uniting into one. At this stage, people move in together, life together begins, and long-term plans begin. Sometimes steps end in disappointment, and then the actions taken are followed by an inevitable break. In case of betrayal, the feeling of stability is lost.

READ How to beautifully ask a girl to meet: examples of the best phrases

What is true love in simple words

In simple words, true love can be described with one single word - desire. To be close, to care, to have sex, to respect, to appreciate, to surprise - the main thing is to want this for your soulmate. You cannot force a person to perform one of the listed actions against his will. In the complex of all desires, true love begins to emerge. Sometimes the most primitive ones, such as trust, may be absent. Thanks to trust, long-lasting relationships are built, aimed at family and growing old together. In reality, it is problems with trust and the jealousy that comes with it that destroy feelings in the first stages. If a person truly loves and believes that they have the same feelings for him, trust should be put first.

Signs of true love

In order not to confuse true love with another feeling, we suggest that you familiarize yourself with the main signs of this feeling. The analysis will help couples understand whether they really love each other.

So here they are:

"Happiness loves silence . Whatever happens inside the relationship should not come out. Girls, and guys too, often share their problems in relationships. There is nothing wrong with this, but it’s better not to listen to advice. If the “We” position is established in a couple, then any issue should be resolved between each other. If lovers are not afraid to admit their mistakes and try to engage in dialogue rather than turning to friends and family for help, this is the main sign of true feelings.
Confidence . It must be mutual. For example, if a guy left on his own business and truly values the relationship, then he will always find a minute to call and inform his beloved about his location and time of arrival. Then, years later, this measure disappears, as trust reaches a new level. There is no need for secrets, secret thoughts or hidden actions. Openness and honesty are the key to a long and ideal relationship.
Self confidence . Every person wants to self-realize, to be a separate and independent person. When in a relationship, you cannot throw away your desires, give yourself entirely to the person and live only by one feeling. With every day spent together, the attitude not only to love, but also to other important aspects of life changes. It is necessary not only to love your soulmate, but also not to forget about yourself. It is unlikely that a person who is unsure of himself will find a worthy couple and feel sincere feelings. Love is modified and lovers must correspond to the stage of development of the relationship.
To be youreself . Love at first sight happens. The first stage for true love is sympathy. This could be external data, intellectual abilities, sporting achievements, or excellent humor. On the first date or meeting, people notice what they sincerely like. In the future, as the relationship develops, it is that first feeling of sympathy that will come next. Therefore, it is important to be yourself, not to try to make yourself into someone you are not. Despite this, it is worth noting the fact that lovers change, as priorities change. In order to have a lasting relationship and guarantee true love, a couple must see each other as the people they initially fell in love with. And despite changes in appearance, character or actions, for sincere feelings these changes will be almost invisible.
Respect is an integral part of any relationship . It is necessary to respect all human actions, but at the same time, no one forbids expressing one’s opinion.
Working on relationships . The problem must be solved at the stage of its appearance and not put off indefinitely. Hidden anger and resentment will only worsen the relationship and give a reason to destroy everything that has been created through backbreaking labor.
Farewell . In true love you need to forgive. Life is a series of mistakes that a person makes. It is necessary to learn to forgive and give the opportunity to explain. We are talking about forgiveness only if the person who made the mistake sincerely regrets what he did.
Solitude . If a couple often needs to be alone, moving away from the outside world, then this is the main sign of true love. It is necessary to understand that the desire to be alone must be mutual.
Values . A person has his own beliefs, values, concepts. At a minimum, they need to be respected, but if their views are similar, then it becomes easier to love each other.
Safety and comfort . If, being with each other, people feel that they are not in danger and completely relax - this is a clear sign of true love.

In addition to the listed signs, there may be others, each couple determines for themselves independently.

The difference between love and infatuation

Many people mercilessly confuse these two concepts. As a result, you have to face numerous disappointments, hurt your soul, and experience a state of deepest sadness and mental turmoil. It is worth learning to distinguish one condition from another. The main thing that needs to be understood is that it is useful to learn to listen to your own feelings and not look at the opinion of the majority. Examples from relatives and friends should not be taken as undeniable truth.

Degree of depth. Living true love brings a person to the contemplation of such immeasurable depth, which is difficult to imagine without being involved in a reverent experience. When love comes, the person stops asking himself questions that involve some ambiguity. She is confident in her own actions and actions, wants to make someone else happy, give him unforgettable joy and satisfaction.
Love strives to give. True feeling is filled with bright joy and greatness. A loving person does not care about getting anything from the object of his affection. On the contrary, I want to give joy, be in harmony, and see a happy, shining smile. Love needs acceptance and respect. Anyone who truly values their soulmate is ready to pass any tests with dignity and share the hardships of fate.
Falling in love is aimed at possession. Falling in love is a more superficial feeling. The individual is delighted, he wants to quickly win the chosen one. The desire for possession does not speak in favor of deep feelings. A bright flash can quickly fade, leading to deception.

Delight and admiration. Falling in love is characterized by strong attachment. It seems impossible to accept some character traits in a chosen one. Everything is overshadowed by indescribable admiration. It becomes impossible to think about anything else. A person loses sleep, appetite, and is constantly attracted to his chosen one.
Quiet happy contemplation. Love helps you to completely dissolve in your other half, to see her wonderful qualities of character. A state of calm and serenity ensues. Over time, it becomes comfortable to live, maintaining peace of mind. Quiet, positive happiness is the ultimate dream of many romantics.
Duration of feeling. Falling in love completely passes in a year or two, leaving behind only a pleasant memory. No matter how much a person wants to hold a beautiful moment near him, it will pass and become a light cloud. Love only grows stronger and blossoms over the years. Like good wine, it becomes of high quality, filled with light, and becomes refined. I would like to wish such a bright feeling to everyone.

READ How to make a guy fall in love with you and ask you to date
Love and being in love are completely different feelings, although they are so similar to each other. Due to strong emotional involvement, people confuse them with each other and mistake a short moment for eternity and depth.

How to understand that this is love and not sympathy

There is a clear line between sympathy and deep feeling. Unfortunately, despite the obvious differences, many still confuse these feelings and become disappointed.

To prevent this from happening, you need to know the main differences:

To be happy - in sympathy a person receives a share of happiness from interacting with another person, in love there is a desire to make happy, that is, to do everything to give sincere joy;
Disadvantages may not be obvious, but still present. In case of sympathy, they try to turn a blind eye to this, but in love, on the contrary, they are not hidden, but are often highlighted as the main advantage;
True love does not require many words, as most things that prove feelings happen naturally. In sympathy, it often happens that couples almost shout about love and try to remind them of it at any second. Love is proven by actions: a kiss, coffee in bed, caring when sick, or fulfilling each other’s responsibilities. Little things, but they are the ones that help people appreciate each other and maintain sincere feelings;
With sympathy, friends do not fade into the background; with sincere feelings, other people can only interfere with enjoying each other;
Trust in love is at one of the highest levels, but in sympathy there is practically no place for this feeling;
True love always leads to the creation of a family; with sympathy, doubts may arise about the duration of the relationship.

Signs of sincere feelings

Wise people never try to accept feelings of emotional intimacy as undeniable truth. Time puts everything in its place and points in the right direction. The excitement that has just appeared is not yet an indicator that people will have a good time together. You will probably have to go through multiple tests and overcome obstacles that seem completely insurmountable.

Fortune telling will not help here; you will have to pass the test to the end. Complete immersion in the world of another person brings maximum satisfaction. Let us dwell in more detail on the signs of the emergence of sincere feelings.

Confidence

You can talk about anything with your loved one without fear of looking stupid. Trust is paramount. After all, when it is not there, everything else becomes meaningless, devoid of bright colors. Only if you can not be afraid to open up completely will genuine dedication and a desire to share your most intimate things come. Not all people will be able to speak openly and discuss painful issues.

Sincerity

Honesty and openness are necessary conditions for the emergence of long-term affection. The need to talk about one’s feelings is as natural to the individual as everyday communication. However, only with your soulmate you can stop playing any roles and stop wearing social masks. The essence of such attraction is to bare your soul, to become as close to people as possible.

Desire to care

Love changes a person. Sometimes changes transform you beyond recognition and force you to reconsider your views on the world. There is a desire to make the chosen one happy, to help him find peace of mind.

The desire to give warmth and care comes from a pure heart. The individual is aware of what is happening, but she no longer wants to live only for herself. An uncontrollable need appears to constantly cover the life of another person with thoughts, fill it with joy, make it interesting and joyful.

READ Declaring your love to your husband is a simple way to bring romance back into a relationship

Respect

Respect is a necessary condition for the formation of a strong and happy union. Without this, no trust or manifestation of sincerity is possible. It is necessary to learn how to build relationships in such a way that the interests of the partner are taken into account, taking into account his character traits and temperament. In adolescence, falling in love with teachers and coaches often occurs. The reason for this is the need for high impressions, protection, or interesting communication that peers cannot provide. Then respect comes to the fore, overshadowing even sexual attraction.

Joint development

After creating a family, people unite into one. Your partner’s problems begin to be perceived as your own, and this is not surprising. I want to help, be useful, make far-reaching plans. There is joint development within the couple. It is due to the fact that people learn to look at life in one direction and make thoughtful decisions.

As a result of overcoming multiple obstacles, character changes, joint aspirations, hobbies and plans appear. People who have been together for many years can no longer imagine life without each other. Over time, affection strengthens and becomes indestructible wealth and a true treasure.

Responsibility

In marriage it is impossible to live on your own. The individual “I” becomes “we”. People are aware that they constantly think about their partner and worry about him. Sometimes your own needs have to be pushed into the background, because otherwise it is difficult to get closer to understanding the essence of the problem. Over time, one comes to realize one's responsibility to one's spouse. This feeling comes from the time spent together and the difficulties overcome.

Responsibility implies the absence of secrets and omissions. It is necessary to completely open up to your chosen one, allow him to become part of your personal everyday reality. Where positive emotions are present, conflicts are quickly resolved and turn into minor disagreements. True love opens the doors of mutual understanding.

Why love is not mutual

Even sincere love may not receive a response from the person to whom the feelings are directed.

According to psychologists, love is not mutual for the following reasons:

There is no physical contact . Following from the definition, the presence of a psychological and physical aspect is important for love. At the initial stage of sympathy, gentle touches cause a storm of emotions and goosebumps. A modest kiss on the cheek can cause butterflies in the stomach. But if there is no contact, even with compliments and gifts, it is unlikely that you will be able to achieve a response to your feelings;
Misalliance . The difference between people in different spheres: intellectual, financial or social does not make it possible to see the feelings of a person who is lower in level. Sometimes couples with different worldviews and positions appear, but as statistics show, relationships do not last long;
Too obvious display of feelings can cause aggression . Persistence should be in moderation, and if you go too far, you can only see pity in your eyes.

How long does true love last?

If love is real, then it will last forever. Unfortunately, our life is full of surprises and various life difficulties. Maintaining sincere feelings is difficult, especially in harsh conditions. Often couples who have been dating for a long time may not understand that the feelings have passed and only habit remains. It is worth noting that despite the duration of the relationship, all of the listed signs of true love must be present. Some signs may be less pronounced, others excluded, but only due to the impossibility of their implementation. For example, it is sometimes difficult for family people to find time for solitude.

Sometimes you can meet an elderly couple on the street and see their humble care and tenderness. Therefore, we can say with certainty: true love is forever.

Is it possible to make someone fall in love with you?

You can make someone fall in love with you, but will the effect last? To seduce, young people use expensive gifts, shower them with compliments, and show excessive care. Girls try to look perfect, cook delicious food and always be in a good mood. In the first stages, you can make you fall in love with the “picture,” but sooner or later your true character and lifestyle will begin to appear. If love is real, any changes will go unnoticed. One of the ancient ways to test the sincerity of feelings is to do a common task, for example, hanging wallpaper. In the process of selection and repair, true character traits sometimes emerge.

How to fall in love yourself

Many are waiting for their person and want to feel that same feeling as soon as possible.

To do this, you need to look at your life from the outside and give a truthful assessment:

To find true love, you first need to be open. If a person is tense, embarrassed, silent, then he is unlikely to be able to find sincere feelings soon.
Honesty to yourself and others also makes it possible to see exactly who you are among people.
Self-confidence is a step towards self-realization, which attracts the opposite sex.
A free heart is the main condition for finding true love.

You need to live life to the fullest and not dwell on past mistakes, continue to search, and sooner or later the very person you were missing will appear.

How to keep love?

In order for sincere love in a couple to remain after many years of relationship, you need to:

Understand that a mature union requires constant work on oneself and relationships.
Maintain an emotional connection with your partner. Create an intimate space for just two people, shared rituals and values.
True love between a man and a woman is impossible without quarrels and conflicts; it is only important to resolve them constructively.
Don’t forget about communication, words of support and praise, and expression of your feelings.
Constantly practice hugs and kisses, which bring you very close together.
Do not dissolve in your partner and do not limit his freedom, at the same time develop as individuals.

Are all people capable of love?

From birth we are taught something, but we have to learn to love ourselves. Despite numerous divorces and single people, there are more and more people in love. Many people experience intense love once in their life, and subsequently those who have lost their other half may declare their inability to experience this feeling. There is also a category of people who cannot believe in themselves and remain lonely until the end of their days. There may be many reasons, but love is always and everywhere. If a person believes that he is incapable of love, then it is worth understanding the reason for this belief. As soon as the concepts and reasons are analyzed, there may be a chance to find true love quickly.

True love is a phenomenon that interests philosophers, psychologists, scientists in various fields and ordinary people. People from childhood begin to show feelings for the opposite sex. Truly falling in love is not a problem, the main thing is to be able to maintain the relationship. The main signs of love are trust, respect, patience and honesty. Love each other and be happy.

What is love like from a psychological point of view?

By dividing love into several types, psychologists more accurately understand the degree of connection between people. Therefore, it is easier for them to grasp the essence of love problems in each specific situation.

No physical attraction

There is love that does not need physical intimacy. It occurs mainly between friends who have successfully survived common difficulties. People feel comfortable spending time together, regardless of the circumstances: talking or in silence, sitting at home or traveling around the world, raising a child and doing housework. What is important to them is common interests, the desire to understand and share their partner’s opinion.

Over time, the feeling can develop into platonic. Spouses do not experience mutual attraction between their bodies, but their souls need the support of a connection that provides the strength necessary to overcome all life's obstacles.

Based on Passion

Mutual love is based on the physical desire to possess a partner. The Greeks considered this species frightening, since the instinct of reproduction often overshadowed the minds of the most worthy people. Until now, individuals in love do senseless and crazy things for the sake of pleasant moments of sex.

READ

The ideal girl through the eyes of a man – perfection in the details

Under the influence of feelings, men and women rush to legitimize relationships in order to be able to caress their beloved body at any time of the day. But such love quickly dies after 2-3 years of connection if there is no spiritual nourishment. Lovers are faced with everyday worries, the shortcomings of the other half are more noticeable, so the feeling fades away. Rare couples retain a passionate flame until the end of their lives.

Playful (flirty) variety

Between young lovers there is a playful form, which is characterized by a sinking heart and euphoria.
They skillfully flirt, luring their partner into love networks. Playfulness gives relationships lightness, airiness, and keeps lovers on their toes. Mature couples forget about innocent flirting, plunging into the abyss of worries. The Greeks believed that playful love does not imply devotion, trust, or care. A person strives to get pleasure from an exciting game, without opening his soul to the chosen one, without striving to know him. The only important things are relationships without obligations, which involve unpunished betrayal. Therefore, a guy or girl can date several partners at the same time without feeling guilty.

In relation to yourself

The Greeks believed that you first need to learn to love yourself, and then give love to other people. This is not a manifestation of excessive egoism, we are talking about adequate acceptance of oneself as an individual. If a man or woman does not love their body and soul, then they are not able to sincerely love another person, to give him what they themselves do not possess. To know happiness, you need to accept your own personality and try to awaken love for it.

Unrequited

An unrequited feeling is filled with disappointment and frustration. A person, against his will, becomes more and more fascinated by his chosen one every day, hoping for reciprocity. A one-sided experience affects people differently.

Some, trying to win the favor of their lover, improve their careers, develop creatively, and achieve a high position in society. And others fall into depression, leading to suicide.

Manic

A dangerous type of love that arises against the background of an imbalance between passion and flirtation. It occurs in a mild form in almost all respects at the initial stage. The threat appears at a time when the first passions have subsided a little, and the obsession with a person becomes stronger. The desire to control and dominate the thoughts of a partner captures the lover, causing him to suffer, torment himself, and suffer from jealousy and anxiety. The object of desire cannot withstand the dangerous pressure and tries to break off any connection, but the pursuer does not allow this to happen.

Psychology says that obsessive people have low self-esteem. They feel deprived, insecure, and suffering from internal discord. A person wants to feel needed and loved, so he urgently needs the attention of a partner.

Unconditional

A pure form of beautiful feeling that exists regardless of the pros and cons of a loved one, without hopes and expectations. A mother's love for a child is an example of unconditional love when she accepts her baby as he was born, with all the flaws in character and appearance.

READ

Unrequited love: searching for solutions and compromises

This form is characteristic of first youthful love, when for the sake of a loved one a person is selflessly ready to do anything, forgetting about his own interests. He will accept any of his actions or decisions, support crazy projects and plans, turn a blind eye to betrayal and flirting with other people. However, the donor's patience wears thin over time. He runs out of steam without feeling any return, and the union ends tragically. In a relationship, the balance of the exchange of energy charges is important, otherwise one person will completely dissolve in the other.

Religious

Baptists believe that God is love itself. Christians are sure that the object of high feeling is God, who must be loved with heart, mind and soul. Islam speaks of love for the Almighty, His main Prophet Muhammad and other holy prophets. In a bright feeling, people draw consolation, learn humility and patience, and also think about true love for their neighbor.

Social

Implies a gentle attitude towards the surrounding world. This type is closely related to self-love. It is necessary to treat your immediate environment with sincere warmth, since it directly or indirectly influences the personality. Loving loved ones means understanding their actions, without interfering, and without violating personal boundaries, allowing them to make their own decisions.