If you have a very emotional child, you may get tired of many of his reactions to events around him: in kindergarten, at school, on the street, in the family and on TV.
Does your son or daughter constantly speak in phrases of hysterical cartoon characters, barely fight back or threaten to fight in response to any phrase they don’t like, change their position every 5 minutes, play with toys and react violently if they are not allowed to do this? This behavior contributes to parental fatigue and creates a feeling of helplessness. And for the child it becomes completely maladaptive.
What to do if he shows his emotions violently? First of all, separate two concepts: sensitive and emotional.
A sensitive child is one who is finely tuned to perceive the world around him. As a rule, such children have a weak nervous system and are prone to tics and obsessive movements. This is not a sentence. It’s just that their nervous system needs more medicinal support than children with strong nervous system. (especially during periods of crisis, periods of great tension, periods of adaptation).
How do you know if your child is sensitive? Such children feel the bad mood and depression of those around them, they become infected with the mood around them, do not like changes (sharp), may be afraid and ask to do something more slowly / let them do it themselves, do not allow strangers to manipulate their body and are “on alert”, They communicate and play more freely when there are no other people nearby; they prefer quiet games to noisy ones.
Emotional children, on the contrary, attract attention to themselves rather than avoid it. They vividly share their experiences. Often their behavior is hysterical, but not always. If you have a highly emotional child, then you are familiar with the widest range of emotions that humanity is capable of. so much so that you can get tired of them. Experienced tastefully, these emotions can make it difficult for a child to hear and notice their peers. For an hour, it is difficult for such a child to take into account his own conditions. In this sense, it is useful to teach him the art of pauses.
The third case, when a child is very emotional, is an acute condition. We discuss it in other articles.
Based on this, it is important to help the child cope with sensitivity or emotionality. But it’s equally important to take time for yourself - remember that you can get tired of your child and it’s important to rest.
Anna Maria Sarantseva, psychologist at the “12 Collegiums” Training and Consulting Center.
Too emotional child
Hello, Kamila! let's go in order:
Previously, I couldn’t stand the baby’s crying, so I tried to make sure she didn’t cry.
The fact is that children often develop their way of reacting to situations from the reactions to situations of their parents - mother or father - i.e. Children are a mirror of their parents! they will speak in your words and also address you, as you do, both among themselves and to them! they will behave and act the way YOU can act! or consciously leading their actions in order to get the reaction they need from their parents! those. It is we, the parents, who reinforce conditioned reflexes on the behavior of our children with our feelings!
you see - YOU COULD NOT stand crying! and projected it ON her - i.e. made HER responsible for her feelings! and in the end - they interacted with her on the wavelength that made you feel comfortable, and NOT based on what the child himself would want - but it’s important for him to recognize himself - and NOT to consolidate your reactions, your behavior!
If something doesn’t work out for her, she immediately becomes hysterical.
the hysteria was such that she could sit on the floor and scream for half an hour (this is even if I calmed her down), and if I tried to ignore her
This period is normal for children - they begin to feel that she is NOT YOU! that she can do something on her own (i.e. herself)! and it’s important NOT to do it FOR HER - if it doesn’t work out - but to help her learn to do it SO that it works out! did you give her this option? YOU ARE NOT FOR HER, and NOT SHE HERSELF, if it doesn’t work out - but show her, you can even use her hands - but how to do it?
and also - regarding the response to hysterics - there are simply tears - tears of despair, frustration, resentment, anxiety - and there are hysterics - complete surrender to one’s emotions (rolling on the floor, hysterical arcs, attracting spectators and working specifically FOR the spectator) - and approaches to they are different too! YOU saw tears and perceived them as hysterics - but these are just the tears of a child - and THEY are natural and normal! children are subject to affect, the manifestation of their experiences, and it is also important for them to find out for themselves - what is happening to them? How it's called? after all, tears show how desperately they worry that THEY are not succeeding, how upset they are! and in these situations it is important to help the child learn to feel himself, to understand himself - what they feel, what it is called - and only YOU can help with this! take her to you, sit her on your lap, explain that everything she feels is normal, help her understand what her feelings are called - anger, resentment, irritation - talk with her - thereby accepting both her feelings and her - and help to her - BUT NOT by doing it FOR her, but by teaching her! (after all, that’s what she’s asking you to do!)
and you can also work with these feelings further! (draw, sculpt, etc.)
but instead you turned away, or tried to calm down - but there should be consistency in your actions - i.e. You resort to only one pattern of behavior yourself! (these hysterics are NOT supported and go away), and if there are tears, they help explain, accept them, say that this is also good! This means SHE can understand what is NOT working out and can do it!
Often it helped to just yell at her.
but this is the consolidation of a negative form of attention! if children do NOT receive positive things - and they also need attention - then they can specifically resort to certain forms of behavior in which their parents yell at them - in order to attract negative attention!
She also always wanted everything to be the same, for example, if I told a fairy tale, then I just couldn’t change the words.
But how does she know that there are other words? reads BEHIND YOU? and this suggests that she DOES NOT have a sense of security and the creation of these frameworks, that Correct sequence brings her a feeling of peace! those. she does NOT have enough direct patterns of behavior on your part - so that she knows exactly what and how you react to and so that this reaction is always the same - and not different - for one action - one reaction! and if you are for her crying - first you explain, then leave, then scream - she DOESN’T know what to expect from YOU! what a reaction! and does NOT feel safe.
her attitude to “do everything better than everyone else at once” remained the same.
why should she do better? what does she get then? after all, SHE strives NOT for action, but for WHAT IT gives her - what feeling? and it is in your power to reinforce the reaction and loss in her - how you yourself react to when she loses, or does something different from other children. Or what do you say about those children who either lost or didn’t do something? - after all, children are afraid to experience for themselves WHAT their parents say ABOUT others!
She also has this reaction to: she doesn’t like to lose, if someone was praised more than her, if someone was given a gift, but she wasn’t. In short, if she is not the best. and how does SHE feel then? and what would you like? NO - NOT because NOT the best - this is how we interpret the behavior of children - but the truth is always only what children feel! believe your child - WHAT SHE feels is true! and then she will believe YOU too!
Without even trying to do anything else, she may cry that it is difficult and she will not succeed.
yes, it’s difficult, it won’t work, and it’s difficult for her to learn something on her own - she asks for your help - BUT NOT in a way that you do it FOR her, but teach you! show her by your example - what is not working for YOU and how do you feel about it? What doesn’t work for your son and how does HE feel about it? What doesn’t work for dad and how does he feel about it?
They give us poetry to teach, we cry and teach for an hour. Although I tell her that if it’s difficult, let’s not teach, but she cries even more and says: “no, I want to teach, teach me, mom.”
you see, you give her a choice without a choice - either teach or NOT! and she asks - TEACH me, mom! after all, poetry can also be taught in different ways - hear her - SHE Wants! help her - how exactly SHE can learn poetry! for example, you first read a poem to her, then talk about unfamiliar words, and play together - for example - you read the beginning (the first lines), and she reads the rhyme! or else - you read a poem - and she closes her eyes and imagines WHAT you are reading! - you can draw a poem with her - after all, children have a developed imagination and need to use it - and she will see that you teach her, that you hear, believe, help and she copes!
Inside myself I wanted to get up and run to calm him down and help him convey it, since my daughter would have thrown a tantrum in this situation
maybe you reinforced these reactions in her - maybe she would have reacted differently! and this is so! We reinforce their reactions ourselves!
1. What to do about her perfectionism?
be consistent yourself - so that she knows for what actions and words that comes from YOU!
2. How to increase her self-confidence?
help her get to know herself, her experiences, feelings and help her look for solutions and solutions (instead of choosing - either teach or not teach!) - generate ideas yourself, and then she will learn the same from you! (also work with her using drawings)
3. Yes, and she still sleeps very poorly at night, she often has nightmares, sometimes even 2 per night. Usually I dream about beetles and spiders. What can help her? And drawings work very well with nightmares - they depict fears (after all, this is also attracting attention, the need for protection, safety - and first of all, it is important to show her that YOU yourself can cope with these tasks!)
(there is also a book “what to do if...”) - there are clear examples of how to draw these scary characters and what to do with them - the children are doing very well!
and also help her when communicating with peers - also DO NOT divide them into bad and good - everyone is who they are - this helps children relieve stress from themselves!
I've become too emotional lately (3 answers)
Good answer7 Bad answer7
How to teach children to feel for themselves and others?
Let's remember how a small child learns to speak, how he gets acquainted with the world around him.
Adults first tell him about what surrounds him, what it is like, what sounds it makes, what consequences it leads to.
“This is a dog. She barks: woof-woof”, “This is a table, it’s hard”, “This is snow, it’s cold”, etc.
In the same way, we need to start introducing children to emotions. Show them, name them, explain how they feel, what causes them, that it is normal to experience different emotions.
“Mom is upset,” “Dad is tired,” “Are you happy/sad/angry...”
Of course, adults need to start with themselves. First, learn to notice emotions and feelings in yourself, and then help your child track them. But this is ideal. In reality, you can develop the emotional sphere together with your children.
The main point is that we state emotions without judgment. Not “good” or “bad,” but we call it as a fact, as a given, that such an emotion has now arisen.
It is not simple. Not every adult is able to accept negative emotions as a fact and not express their attitude towards them.
There is a magic phrase: “This is normal! I’m also in this situation...” - and continue according to the circumstances. It will also help the parent remember that the appearance of emotions in response to some event is the norm. And children get used to the fact that emotions are good. All emotions are a natural reaction of the body to events in the outside world.
What happens when parents divide emotions into good/bad and scold their children for showing “bad” ones? Children perceive it this way: “When I experience a bad emotion, I’m bad!”
And, as a result, they begin to deny the manifestation of negative emotions, scold themselves for them, get angry with themselves, and are also afraid of becoming bad, unloved and unwanted by their parents.
Start with passive listening
Often we do not listen to children until the end, we do not pause, but immediately give an answer, because we want to quickly convey our opinion and talk through important points. For a child, especially a teenager, it is much more valuable and important not to receive wise advice and expert parental opinion, but to simply speak out and throw out emotional stress.
Do not rush to respond: you may not fully understand the situation that the child is worried about, and your pressure may discourage him from sharing his experiences. And the initiative you intercept in a conversation will be interpreted by the child as a reluctance to delve into his childhood experiences.
With passive listening, monosyllabic answers are used such as “Yes, yes,” “I’m listening to you,” “Continue,” accompanied by a friendly look or gestures. Passive listening is about participating and supporting the child in the process of being open.
How to capture a child's sincere emotions? Advice from children's photographer Marina Cherkasova
Today we present our new section - photo tips for parents who love to photograph their children for a blog or just as a keepsake. Our expert, Marina Cherkasova, will share with you tips on how to diversify your shooting and improve the quality of your photos. You can leave your feedback and questions in the comments to the article or write personally to Marina on her Instagram page.
How to capture a child's emotions?
What separates a simple photo from a memorable one? The photographer's ability to capture real, sincere emotions. We all want our photographs to be alive, without forced smiles and blank expressions.
The more emotional the photo, the more it appeals to our feelings, the better we feel connected to the characters in the frame. Successful can be considered not only a photograph that shows the joy of the hero, but also photographs with a sincere expression of surprise, sadness and even anger.
But how to capture children's emotions in the frame? In fact, it's much easier than it seems. Children are spontaneous, sincere, open in expressing feelings - you just need to quietly watch them and seize the moments.
This is often easier for parents than for a photographer during a photo shoot in the allotted time. With an unfamiliar photographer, a child may feel shy and tense. If the photo shoot takes place in a studio, the child is also influenced by an unfamiliar place, which must first get used to. And within the limited time, parents try to squeeze the maximum out of the baby, persuade them to smile at the camera and look at “aunt” or “uncle.”
When mom or dad independently photograph the child during his daily activities or on a walk, the child is much more relaxed - and this makes the task easier. The main thing is not to put pressure on him and follow some recommendations:
- Don't ask your child to smile!
Emotions live on their own; they do not obey rules and orders. For children, emotions are simply a reflection of how they feel right now. If we ask them to smile, then we can either get photographs with fake smiles, or even a reluctance to be photographed, a refusal to pose.
- Play with children
It’s easiest with kids, especially if you’re filming your child yourself, it can even be a game of “cuckoo”! At the moment when the child jumps out of his hiding place, press the shooting button.
If a photographer is taking pictures, help him - show the child how big ears or horns the uncle or aunt with the camera has grown. This usually makes the kids very happy, even if they see the photographer for the first time and are a little shy.
- Take more shots - press the shutter button as often as possible.
In the age of digital photography, you don’t have to pay money for additional photos. It is impossible to predict at what moment the child will express this or that emotion, and which shot will turn out more successful.
If you shoot with a camera, you can use the multi-shot mode. Then the camera itself will quickly snap the entire photo session, and you will be able to choose the most successful shot. This function is especially relevant if the child is active and has rich facial expressions.
- Capture the mood
If your child is in a thoughtful mood, shoot calm shots. The photo doesn't have to be of a smiling face.
- Wait a moment
Unplanned shots are the best. A great moment when the child is relaxed and does not notice that he is being filmed. At such moments, children are as sincere as possible.
It is also not necessary to force the child to look at the camera. Sometimes “spied” moments when a baby kisses his mother or enthusiastically teaches his sister to play are valued in the family archive more than staged portraits.
- Eyes are the mirror of the soul
And the eyes will show the viewer what is going on in the child’s soul during the shooting. Particularly interesting shots are obtained at a time when children do not yet know how to speak. If you can adjust the focus, put it on your eyes!
- Film after they say “stop, it’s filmed”
Sometimes the most successful photographs are taken after you have told your child: “That’s it, I’m not taking photographs anymore.” The subject of the photo relaxes, takes a more natural pose, or starts dancing for joy or eating a cake from the props - in general, this is a signal that you can try to catch a good shot.
Every photographer - a professional with a DSLR or a mother who takes pictures of a child on a smartphone - should set a goal to capture the child’s feelings at one time or another in life. Then, years later, it will be especially interesting for you to look at family archives together with the grown-up hero of the filming, and remember how the photographs were taken. Years later, children can rarely remember how they felt during the shoot, but they love to guess “what I was thinking when I was that little.”
How to capture a child's sincere emotions? Advice from children's photographer Marina Cherkasova was last modified: June 9, 2020 by 7sisters
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