Fear of shame for all of Russia? Who is to blame for the scandal in Tula

Glossophobia is a severe fear of speaking in public. It sometimes appears completely suddenly, and in some cases it can be present throughout life. This problem can bother a person so much that it becomes a big challenge for him to simply try to express his thoughts among a small number of people. Typically, such an individual is distinguished by pronounced shyness; indecision and timidity are present in his character. So-called stage fright can interfere with moving up the career ladder and create obstacles to personal self-expression. Even if a person has certain aspirations, he may be afraid to take concrete steps to bring what he wants to life. It is very difficult to achieve success with developed glossophobia. The individual constantly concentrates on his own feelings instead of making certain efforts to achieve a specific result.

Signs of glossophobia

As a rule, it is quite easy to determine. Sometimes it’s just enough to take a closer look at the people around you for everything to fall into place. Such people never consider themselves worthy to win. They subconsciously consider themselves unclaimed and wretched. Let's take a closer look at the signs of glossophobia.

Great excitement. If it is necessary to make even a short speech, the individual begins to feel severe anxiety. His heart rate often quickens, his voice trembles, and his limbs tremor. In this case, it does not matter how well a person is prepared. He will still worry, stammer and blush after every word he utters. Severe anxiety significantly interferes with learning to control your own emotions. As a result, the individual becomes even more lost because he begins to be afraid of making a mistake, of doing something wrong. The anxiety associated with speaking in public is not so easy to overcome. Anxiety fails simply because a person becomes too fixated on his own feelings.
Diffidence. Glossophobia can make a person withdrawn. The fact is that any public failures are always remembered. They may begin to remind you of themselves at the moment when you need to make a serious decision or draw an appropriate conclusion. In some cases, a negative experience gained earlier can unsettle you for a long time and deprive you of your mental balance. Lack of self-confidence is a clear sign that an individual is afraid to speak in public. It will be a great shock for him to have to act actively. Stage fright often appears when a person is not ready to act actively. She feels like she's not good enough to succeed. For this reason, it can be quite difficult for people to believe in themselves and make decisions at the right time.
Low self-esteem. Glossophobia is often combined with low self-esteem. An individual, being in such a state, is not able to evaluate himself objectively and make serious decisions. Often he wants someone else to take certain steps for him. A person tends to shift his responsibility to those who are currently close to him. Low self-esteem does not allow you to plan any business or strive for great achievements. If the need arises to speak in front of an audience, big worries begin. A person can drive himself into real depression just because he will soon have to say a few words to a small number of people. Of course, in most cases people somehow cope with their condition. But sometimes it happens that it becomes simply impossible to do without the help of a psychotherapist. In this case, the individual withdraws so much into himself that he refuses to make any attempts to correct the situation.
Avoidance behavior. Fear of public speaking often leads a person to resort to defensive behavior. She may begin to avoid situations that are unpleasant for herself, so that at some point she does not face the pain of disappointment. However, avoidant behavior cannot be called constructive, since it is not aimed at creation, but at escaping from problems. The individual does his best to close himself off from the unsightly reality and does not want to see the truth. Sometimes it may take a long time to realize this moment. Having come closer to understanding the situation, a person discovers the moral strength to accept responsibility. If the fear of making a negative impression is so strong that an individual cannot cope with it, then, most likely, in the future he will prefer to avoid uncomfortable situations.

We are equally concerned about the fear of shame and the thirst for glory

It is possible to force people to act for the good of society through the power of moral influence. This conclusion was reached by specialists from the Canadian University of British Columbia and the German Max Planck Institute for Evolutionary Biology. Scientists have experimentally proven that the thirst for fame or fear of shame forces people to donate money to a common cause, and they hope that these incentives will be effective outside the walls of the laboratory.

It is not good to think only about yourself, to be greedy, and to shy away from socially useful activities. One part of humanity has long been trying to instill such ideas in another, but, alas, not very successfully. People have to be forced to engage in social behavior, but punitive measures cannot be constantly applied to evaders. Should we try methods of moral influence on them? This idea is not new. In the Middle Ages, criminals were pilloried, but this punishment cannot be classified as a method of exclusively moral influence, since it is associated with significant physical discomfort. As for fame, not long ago in our country a citizen’s photograph was placed on the Honor Board as an incentive. This was, of course, pleasant, although many of the recipients would have preferred a prize.

You can argue for a long time about the effectiveness of public censure or encouragement, but to get an accurate answer, you need not a discussion, but an experiment, which was carried out by Canadian and German researchers - not psychologists and sociologists, but biologists and mathematicians.

The research involved 180 first-year students at the University of British Columbia, who were divided into groups of six people each. During the entire experiment, only one group was in the room. All participants performed under pseudonyms (randomly chosen names of Greek gods), sat so as not to see each other, and the experimenter was also out of sight. But before their eyes they had a common screen with the conditions of the game.

The game consisted of 12 rounds. Participants were told that they had $12, and in each round they were asked to return the dollar to the general cash register. At the end of the game, the amount collected was doubled and divided equally among everyone, that is, each participant received the remainder of his twelve dollars and a share of the total collection, regardless of whether he contributed or not. Players announced their decision by placing coupons with their nicknames and the inscription $0 or $1 in a special box. Each participant's contributions and total collection were shown on the screen.

Average contributions in the “shame” (red) and “honor” (blue) groups, as well as in the control group (gray)

If everyone in the group hands in a dollar each round, at the end of the game they double their initial capital - this is the most profitable strategy, and it doesn’t take much intelligence to figure it out. But the students did not have the opportunity to come to an agreement - they were first separated, and only then were told the conditions of the game. As a result, many decided to save the money they already had and, if they were lucky, get an addition to it from the overall pie. Ten groups that played according to these rules collected about a third of the maximum possible amount.

Participants in the other ten groups were warned that not all players would remain anonymous: after the tenth round, the names of the two most stingy participants would be revealed. In the remaining ten groups, the names of the two most generous players were announced. Moreover, the members of the group studied together, and they had to see each other almost every day for the whole semester. Each nickname was assigned a number in advance, so that in cases where two players dealt the same amount, the experimenter made the decision by rolling the die. In the "groups of shame" there was a tie score 5 times, and in one group there was the only miser, because the rest of the players paid in each round. In the “honor groups,” controversial cases arose 4 times, and each time they played for second place, but never for first place—there was always only one person who was the most generous.

When planning the experiment, scientists believed that fear of shame would be a more effective incentive for social behavior than the thirst for fame, but they were wrong. In both the “shame groups” and the “honor groups,” students collected an average of $33 into the general fund over 10 rounds, that is, about half of the maximum possible amount, and in the control groups, where all participants remained anonymous, only $22 Even more surprising to the researchers was the fact that the contributions from the tightest and most generous players in the “groups of shame” and “groups of honor” were practically the same: $3-$2.4 and $7.7-$8, respectively. Researchers note that many are afraid of being branded as greedy, and the thirst for fame attracts not only the most ambitious. Rather, the prospect of a certain kind of fame attracts average players to cooperate, and they pay more than in control groups for fear of losing goodwill among their peers. But there are, of course, students who don't take this game seriously (or are they just unscrupulous?). In one “honor group,” after the names of the winners were announced, the two most greedy players went to the common board and wrote their names under the phrase: “I sacrificed the least.”

The results of the game were summed up after the tenth round, but there were twelve of them in total, and in the last two the contributions of the participants decreased in the control groups and in the “shame groups”, the participants of which were motivated only by the fear of a bad reputation. But students from the “honor groups” were not afraid of publicity, but paid for it. And in these groups, the fees in the eleventh and twelfth rounds remained at the same level, because generous players want to maintain their reputation. If the average contributions in the twelfth round for anonymous students in the honor and shame groups were approximately equal ($0.33 and $0.34), then the most generous participants paid significantly more - $0.55.

Thus, many people are deterred from antisocial behavior by fear of shame, and possible honors serve as a powerful incentive for public service. Public opinion, it turns out, is still a great force, at least in small groups where everyone knows each other. However, even in a large community it is now difficult to hide in the crowd. The Internet is capable of both glorifying and glorifying a person throughout the world. True, collecting information is expensive, although now it is in abundance, but what is in short supply is not information, but audience attention.

So, scientists managed to force members of a small group to unite, and they hope that the fear of shame and the thirst for glory will allow them to control people in large communities.

Natalia Reznik

Jennifer Jacquet, Christoph Hauert, Arne Traulsen and Manfred Milinski “Shame and honor drive cooperations,” Biology Letters 2011, 7, 899-901, doi: 10.1098/rsbL2011.0367

If you find an error, please select a piece of text and press Ctrl+Enter.

Causes of glossophobia

Some people want to find the reasons for their fear of public speaking. After all, it’s unlikely that anyone can live comfortably with this condition. It causes a lot of inconvenience: it limits you from making new acquaintances, makes you constantly experience negative feelings, and makes you feel like a weak and worthless person. This is a very uncomfortable state from which you want to get rid of it as soon as possible. The reasons for this condition should be sought in character traits, taking into account, of course, individual experience.

Negative experience

If you've ever had to deal with the disappointment of a poor performance in your life, the feeling of shame can linger long in your memory. Subsequently, there is often a fear of a repetition of the unsatisfactory situation. Just the thought of a possible repetition causes fear and a whole storm of unpleasant sensations. An individual sometimes does not realize how he drives himself into a tight framework from which he is afraid to leave, even if he is fully aware of the inferiority of his position. Every person is influenced by the experiences he receives throughout his life. If negative impressions predominate, then very soon they begin to crowd out everything positive that is in the existence of this particular individual. Gradually, nothing is found that could really please the individual, since all her productive forces are spent on experiencing possible failure. Anyone who has failed his own performance at least once will find it difficult to trust himself to solve complex problems in the future.

Natural features

It happens that a person himself is naturally so modest and shy that he is embarrassed to even think about his rights. In this case, it becomes difficult for him not only to ask his interlocutor for something, but even to take the slightest step in the desired direction. Based on his natural characteristics, an individual may suffer from a fear of public speaking. In this case, in order for glossophobia to develop, no additional psychological trauma is needed. Such a person will still have failures for the reason that he does not know how to deal with difficulties. Without knowing how to achieve peace of mind, it is impossible to set realistic goals and move towards success. A modest person very often has to give up his place in the sun to more efficient and purposeful individuals.

Fear of failure

This fear can exist separately from the negative experience received. Even if a person does not yet have any negative impression of the work done, fear can suppress any good endeavors in him. Thus, it turns out that in some cases the fear of failure becomes much stronger than the desire to achieve resounding success. Sometimes such fear stops people from great achievements. An individual often stops one step away from the cherished victory, completely unaware that he is betraying himself. He may not understand why it is so difficult for him to make decisions and take responsibility for the result. But by giving up the fight, it is impossible to become a true winner. This is true.

Olga Dulepina - about the stages of relationship development

family therapist

Our fears arise because the fairy tale about love until the grave, which is implanted in us in childhood, has little in common with reality. These are our beliefs, safely swallowed along with our upbringing. But at some point a person discovers that he or his partner does not have enough resources for this eternal love. Dissonance arises, which makes separation very painful.

If we talk about the fear of loss, then a lot here depends on the level of human development. I am referring to the Weinhold therapist couple's concept in Flight from Intimacy. They believe that relationships develop according to the following scenario: fusion and codependency, counterdependence, independence and interdependence.

Only at the last stage do people become partners in the full sense of the word. And at the first stage, a person is often obsessed with the fear of loss. Sometimes it is expressed so strongly that one of the partners is completely absorbed by it and is constantly in negative anticipation. There are no boundaries in a merger, it is unclear who wants what, and everything is done in order to preserve the union at any cost. This is a format of relationship not between a man and a woman, but between a mother and a child.

How to get rid of glossophobia

To overcome the problem, you must work on yourself. Often, aspiration alone is clearly not enough, since it is necessary to act as consistently as possible, realizing the importance of the decision made. It seems possible to get rid of glossophobia only when the individual understands the full extent of the responsibility that lies before him. So what steps need to be taken?

Constant practice

To overcome any difficulty, it is necessary to work through the situation. If you leave everything to chance, there will be no visible effect. Only constant practice can improve the situation. If you have a fear of speaking in public, then you need to try to do it as often as possible. In this way, you will be able to relieve internal tension and overcome the apparent gap between your desires and the real state of affairs. With constant practice, you can truly discover new possibilities in yourself and realize existing abilities. There is no person on earth who could not learn something new when the appropriate conditions are created for this. By acquiring the necessary skills, you can truly become a much more confident person. A sense of self-sufficiency comes with new positive experiences.

Recording victories

To overcome severe glossophobia , you need to start counting your victories. In most cases, this will be enough to make you feel more confident. Personal development is impossible without overcoming all sorts of obstacles. If we begin to really work on our character, set ourselves serious tasks and strive to solve them, then new victories appear that we can rightfully be proud of. You can even start recording your overcomings on paper. This method will allow you to capture even the smallest successes.

Confidential conversation

If you learn to openly express your feelings, the problem will gradually go away. A confidential conversation is especially necessary when there is a negative experience that definitely needs careful elaboration. It is best to try to talk about the problem you have with someone you trust unconditionally. Having acquired such a positive experience, you will no longer be afraid of the negative assessment of others. By getting used to expressing our thoughts out loud, we learn to be open and gain self-confidence. It is very important that a close friend or just an acquaintance does not try to judge you. It is necessary to gain new positive experience, which will become the foundation for future success.

Voice training

To get rid of glossophobia, you need to systematically train your voice. The manner of pronunciation is really very important for gaining self-confidence. The way we speak affects how others perceive us. The more a person trains, the more effective the treatment of glossophobia will be. It is best to start voice training with simple exercises. Gradually the load can be increased. To achieve the desired effect, it is necessary to act purposefully, without retreating from emerging difficulties.

Thus, glossophobia takes away a lot of internal strength from a person. It turns out that precious energy is wasted, not bringing the expected results. The individual often realizes that he is missing out on opportunities, but this does not give him an understanding of what needs to be done. If you cannot cope with the problem on your own, then you can seek advice from psychologist Irakli Pozharisky. Working with a specialist will be aimed, first of all, at restoring peace of mind and gaining self-confidence.

Svetlana Dovzhenko - about fictitious fears and the meaning of first love

clinical psychologist, chairman of the board of the charitable union "Anthropos Kaliningrad"

Every person dreams of love.
We are social animals, which means we need intimacy and recognition - this is our natural and greatest need. But the paradox is that, while desiring love and striving for it, we at the same time cannot get rid of numerous anxieties and fears. A person has few natural fears. They serve as the necessary signal protection when a threat to life arises, be it a cataclysm or an attack. If we weren’t afraid in such situations, we would risk dying or, at best, sacrificing our own health. All other fears are fictitious, and they come from childhood.

For example, we are instilled with emotional and intellectual fears - the fear of losing or not coping and ruining everything.

They are born and polished due to mistakes in the upbringing of their parents, because each carries his own burden, passed on to him by previous generations. This is why we fear emotional pain.

I have never met a person who, having been brought up in completely natural conditions, did not experience these fictitious fears. And they all wake up when we fall in love. Along with the feeling of euphoria and intoxication, a fear of loneliness and loss suddenly hits us: what if I make a mistake and do something wrong?

I would call these fears “moral”. Let us remember the childhood picture when two halves of one whole were found and began to live together happily ever after. Meanwhile, some modern tribes do not have monogamous marriages - this form of relationship appeared so that people could pass on inheritance when they began to lead a sedentary lifestyle. We are polygamous by nature, and many couples break up because they are afraid of falling in love and being carried away by someone else: this is betrayal! Our desires remain unfulfilled, continue to live in us and destroy relationships.

Love needs to be fed, and if we are not interested in anything, then our feelings do not receive the necessary recharge.

And vice versa, when we are open to everything new and fall in love - with people, with life, with books - we enrich our inner world, and therefore our relationships. Many people are afraid of this, although such a desire is completely natural. If the union of two people is truly strong, it will not collapse, but when two people become isolated on each other, the death of the couple occurs.

In my understanding, love is based on the triangle body - soul - mind. These are our physical, emotional and intellectual components. When we talk about infidelity, we most often mean the first of them - sexual betrayal. But isn't intellectual and spiritual unity more important? And isn’t this betrayal deeper? And if so, then it turns out that our partner cannot get closer to those with whom he has common interests? Sounds pretty absurd.

In German there is no word for “treason”, but for “leap to the side” (Seitensprung). This means that you will not be changed. We are constantly interested in something new, we strive to learn how the world and other people work. And that’s okay: you can’t eat the same food all the time. A living person will always look around and be carried away by those with whom his interests are connected.

Jealousy and fear of betrayal are born due to the fact that we feel not attractive enough for our partner, we are afraid of loneliness and pain after his departure.

But not a single person belongs to us, and no one can guarantee another that he will love him for many years with the same tenderness, and that his feelings and desires will not weaken. In addition, the members of a couple do not always develop synchronously. For me, relationships and love are a gift, and jealousy and possessiveness destroy them.

When feelings cool down, partners should separate; there’s nothing wrong with that. And if the relationship is alive and real, then the person will not go anywhere. The tree does not hold its leaves when they fall. And if the time has come, you need to let go and make room for something new.

I think one of the main reasons for this fear is the painful experience of the first relationship. From our youth we carry with us the stereotypical idea of the “one true love,” firmly believing that we must hold on to it with all our might and nothing will be better. I thought so too when I was 19 years old. After all, first love comes when we just begin to grow up, recognize ourselves and the world of the other sex. Most often, such relationships turn out to be painful and end - and this is natural. If in our youth we were told how to behave in them, if young people were explained that what has gone is no longer ours, it would be much easier for us in adulthood.

Our biggest problem is that we don’t know how to let go, and we have to learn this.

People often hold on to unhealthy relationships: we are used to living with our pain, pinning ourselves down.

For the same reason, we are afraid of new suffering, and here it is important to distinguish between the natural movement of the soul and fears. We all worry when something important happens: an exam, an interview, or falling in love. But fear is a matter of trusting yourself. It is necessary to remember that we are all flawed, and it is pointless to demand ideal from ourselves. I often hear from adult women: “No, no, I’m not ready for a relationship yet - I’ll go through therapy in a year or two, I’ll improve.” Where can we work on ourselves if not in the relationships themselves, by entering into them and making mistakes? If a child were wondering whether it was worth learning to walk, he would never try, but the baby rises and falls because he wants to reach new heights. We demand perfection from ourselves, but it will never happen. We need guarantees, we are afraid that we will be betrayed (because this has already happened), left like a suitcase without a handle - and we don’t even try. Fears are the factors that “collapse” us, while curiosity, on the contrary, “opens” us. And if you are drawn to a person, then there is a chance to break through all past fears and anxieties.

Fictitious fears are normal, but not “natural” (again, this formulation would be appropriate if we were only afraid of bandits and volcanoes). However, there must be someone nearby who will say that everything is in order, that there are no people who are not afraid.

It is not our fault that we are full of fears. I have not seen a single absolutely healthy emotionally person without scars and injuries.

I would advise anyone who is afraid to look around and be closer to people (if they don't mind, of course) who are happy in their relationships. This thought once helped me: if the same person with one head, two legs and arms succeeded, then I can do it too! And remember, it’s completely normal to be afraid.

Fear of shame: how not to lose face