Personal experience “I can’t stand the sound of people chewing”: How I live with misophonia


Content

  • You are not in control
  • What can I do
  • How to let go

Hello, dear readers! It is generally accepted that women are more patient than men. We have to wait for the prince, then the moment when he deigns to propose, then we spend nine months in anxious anticipation of the baby. Naturally, it becomes increasingly difficult to restrain yourself and remain a calm person.

It's not easier for men. life tests their endurance time after time. Therefore, today we will talk about how to learn to endure and wait. You will learn some methods from psychology, and also, I hope, you will look at your destiny differently and learn to live without worrying.

Well, shall we begin?

You are not in control

The negative emotions that anticipation causes usually arise from the fact that you are not able to influence the situation. No matter how much we would like, our loved one will not call before he remembers this, and if we decide to call ourselves, then in the end we still will not get what we wanted in the first place.

We may be annoyed by the shortcomings of our neighbors, but it’s good if you understand that all you can do is wait for the situation to change. There is no other way to influence her. Only patience will help you withstand and achieve results.

Even the queue will not move faster simply because we want it to. So, any waste of nerves if you have to wait for something is in vain. You yourself understand this perfectly well, but you cannot cope with your emotions.

“I don’t have enough endurance,” someone will say. I advise you to think that the problem is not a lack of willpower, but a desire to control everything: your husband, the arrival time of transport or vacation.

Some people cannot accept this fact. It is much easier to think that some specific character trait is missing: parents did not teach, was born with a deficiency, specific character. In fact, you have everything, and maybe even in excess. This is the problem you must fight.

Psychology of patience

We all have to wait for something from time to time: stand in line at the bank, save money for an expensive purchase, take a long time to achieve a big goal. But even 10 minutes of waiting seems painful. Therefore, we often give up what we started and do something that brings quick benefits. This behavior leads to negative consequences, because in order to achieve success, you need to learn to wait and work hard, often without getting immediate results. Patience is a quality of those who achieve ambitious goals.

Why do you need to be patient?

You've probably heard this advice often: just be patient when things don't go as originally planned. Success comes to those who know how to wait while continuing to move forward.

Have you ever thought about the positive impact of patience on your life? Have you noticed how this ability helps you stay motivated and enthusiastic, relieve stress and feel good? For example, patience can improve relationships with other people. How? We often appreciate those who do not lose their heads in a difficult situation, when everyone else loses their temper and loses face. This means that someone who knows how to wait calmly is perceived as a more reliable person.

This ability also helps you look at a situation from a different perspective. An impatient person will continue to be nervous and stick to his line, while a patient person, without falling under the influence of negative emotions, will be able to see the big picture and make changes to his original plans.

Thus, patience is one of the main components of critical thinking. It also helps you think analytically, constructively and creatively. When we stop being nervous, the mind becomes clearer and solutions to many problems are found almost immediately. It's like finding a way out of a building during a fire, when everyone is rushing in different directions, and you strictly follow the evacuation plan.

Patience helps you plan because you know you won't give up halfway through the task. You may have a clear vision that you will finish a project, learn a new language or skill. Therefore, you can make a plan for 5-10 years and not be afraid that your motivation and willpower will suddenly disappear.

In general, patience makes a person healthier mentally. He does not depend on his fleeting desires and emotions, but controls the circumstances of his life.

How to develop patience

Recognize that there are things you can't control

Life always presents unpleasant surprises:

  • Someone leaves unexpectedly.
  • Someone is late.
  • Someone is sick.
  • Someone is taking the bathroom when you want to take it.
  • Computers and phones break down, the Internet disappears.

Not everything can be controlled, sometimes bad things just happen. Therefore, a philosophical attitude towards life is very important. You worry less, sleep better, and when trouble happens, you calmly accept the situation and think about what to do next.

Wait just a little bit

This is a good technique that can be used for almost any problem. It consists of every time you find out that you will have to wait, think for 10-20 seconds about what to do next. This avoids automatic negative reactions.

You went to the bank and there was a line? Great, there is time to answer the letters that have accumulated in the mail. No letters? Read or listen to an audiobook, write down a shopping list in advance, register for online banking.

We are used to instantly worrying when we have to wait. Change your behavior patterns: start thinking before you let your emotions take over.

Create a Plan B

Very often we are forced to wait only because it never occurred to us that such a situation could arise. And there is no one to blame here.

If you come to the hospital and don't take a book to pass the time, it's your fault. However, anger is projected onto the world around us and people who urgently needed to get sick today.

You might think that such a technique does nothing to develop patience, because it does not challenge it. Look at the situation from the other side: the less often you show impatience, the faster your psyche gets rid of this habit.

Become aware of your dependence on anger, irritation and rage

Anger, irritation, and anger can easily become habits if you encourage the behavior. Create a list of positive emotions. For example, joy, admiration, friendliness, awe, enthusiasm.

Try to evoke these emotions within yourself. If you can now, then this is not a problem at any point in your life. There is always a choice. Do you want to feel disadvantaged and offended? To do this, you usually don’t need to do anything. But if you choose a good mood and make a little effort, you can enter a new state for yourself.

Notice the moment when you start to get irritated

We often ignore the fact that we are experiencing pain and focus solely on the illusion that we are solving the problem.

To learn to notice when irritation begins, start by becoming aware of positive or neutral emotions. Throughout the day, write down how you feel. This will become a habit and only then, while standing in line, you will be able to recognize your condition and prevent negativity.

Talk to yourself consciously

Precisely consciously, because internal dialogue occurs almost constantly and usually on autopilot. Thoughts arise about how many people are in the room, how many cars are on the road, how much valuable time is wasted. Yes, but such conversations do not bring anything good. So you have to change the dialogue within yourself.

Remind yourself that there is no point in being angry and irritable.

Read

This is one of the best, most enjoyable and useful ways to become more patient.

No matter how long it takes you to finish your book, don't rush it. Go deeper into each word or phrase, try to understand what the author wanted to say. Remind yourself that rushing will not bring any benefit.

Plant plants

Start growing vegetables and flowers. Or, if not possible, plant indoor plants. By the way, this is a great way to get rid of stress. Everything related to nature reduces irritability.

Once you start growing plants, you will become more patient. This will help you understand that development or success takes time, but if you strive forward, sooner or later the result will come.

Learn to cook

Another unconventional way to become more patient. Surprisingly, it never occurred to us to worry about having to wait 60 minutes for the pie to cook. We make peace with this in advance. But we consider that we waited too long if they prepared coffee for us in a restaurant within 5 minutes.

Cooking requires a lot of patience and practice. This is a kind of meditation, so it is very calming and puts your nerves in order.

Become curious

Any, absolutely any situation will become interesting and will not cause irritation if you are curious.

Why is curiosity so wonderful? You don't make judgments. You observe, notice something interesting, enjoy the moment. And no negative emotions arise.

If you don't get a call back after an interview, there's no point in sitting around waiting for it. Call yourself or look for other options. It's just experience, the past.

Embrace the discomfort

Why, in fact, should you always feel good and comfortable? Even from a purely egoistic point of view, this is harmful, it makes a person capricious and unbearable.

Sometimes it's good to experience discomfort. Consider it a challenge: to survive unpleasant moments and still feel completely calm.

Forget about the results, enjoy the process

If you are learning a skill, but there are still no visible results, what should you do? Give up everything, get upset and be disappointed in yourself? Or maybe learn to enjoy the learning process and work a little harder? It seems that the second is still more important and useful.

Or let's say you're saving money. We read several articles and books about how to become rich and realized that you need to save 20% of your income. But as soon as you start, a heap of unpleasant emotions immediately appears, a feeling of sacrifice. What to do?

Enjoy saving and saving money. At the end of the day, it's a fun challenge to challenge yourself. Try to save 50% of your total income. What will change? How will you have to live? This can radically change your thinking and make you realize that a person gets used to everything.

Look at the situation from the other person's point of view

Great advice for those who are impatient with other people. When you feel your blood boil, look at the situation from someone else's point of view. Why is he acting this way? What problems does he have in life? What does he care about? How does his psyche work? You may not get comprehensive answers, but you will begin to sympathize with him a little. This means you will save your nerves.

This is also a useful exercise when you are stuck in traffic. Think about the people driving next to you. What are they thinking? What do they care about?

What about the situation when your friend asks to borrow money? Before you start boiling, think about this. Maybe he has not yet learned to manage money the way you do? Haven't read those same books? Can't stop yourself from making impulsive purchases? You may not give him money, but at least you will save the relationship.

Think about the main goal

Yes, right now there is no way to move towards the goal, because the road is blocked by a whole truck of problems that doesn’t even think of budging. But if at this moment you think that you have a main goal, then you will calm down and begin to think about what to do next.

We often get nervous when we go into too much detail. By looking at the big picture, you can see that there is a solution.

How to get rid of impatience

Even if you have learned to be mindful and notice your emotions and thoughts, it can be very difficult to let go of impatience. We live in an era where everything is available at the first click of a mouse. And it's not just about goods. If we want to know something, Wikipedia comes to the rescue. But the availability of information kills its value.

Using the remote control, you can instantly turn on the TV, and thanks to your smartphone, you can contact anyone you know in a minute. We are not used to waiting, so every wasted second seems like hell.

What is curious is that although we ourselves are far from ideal, we do not like impatient people. Remember a time when you dealt with such a person. It's hard to think of him as good, kind, decent and calm, right? This is exactly how we appear in the eyes of others.

What exactly is impatience? This is a passionate desire to bring the future closer. And if we need to wait, then we behave like children: we stamp our feet, create noise and draw attention to ourselves. In this sense, patience is a sign of an adult, balanced person.

We offer you a step-by-step strategy for getting rid of impatience.

Step One: Recognize Your Impatience

First of all, you need to admit that you are impatient, identify situations, emotions.

Step Two: Stop the Thinking Process

When you recognize impatience, stop the thinking process and calm your body and mind. Take a deep breath and tell yourself, “Relax, everything is fine.” This moment has an additional benefit: it prevents you from starting the habit of being nervous.

Step Three: Identify Your Triggers

Now that you are in a calmer and more aware state, let's remember again what happened. It is important to determine what exactly causes your tension, irritation, anxiety and impatience.

Identifying triggers is the main task of this stage. Ask yourself:

  • Why am I feeling impatient at this moment?
  • What exactly is causing me this feeling?
  • Are there any specific people, events, or circumstances that have made me feel impatient?
  • What exactly happened?
  • Why do I think this?

Step Four: Analyze the Situation

You already have a clear idea of ​​what happened and what caused the unpleasant feelings, now it’s time to analyze the situation. This will help you emotionally move away from the unpleasant moment and turn on your brain.

Let's first look at the predicament you find yourself in. Ask yourself the following questions:

  • Is my impatience hindering or helping me now?
  • Am I making a mountain out of a mountain?
  • Does it make sense to feel this way now?
  • Perhaps I misunderstood this situation?
  • What explanation do I find for it? Is it objective?
  • How has this explanation affected the way I feel about this situation or person?

After receiving the answers, we can change our perspective and begin to look at the situation from a different, more positive angle. Ask yourself:

  • How else can you look at this situation?
  • How else could I interpret these events and circumstances?
  • How else can I explain this man's intentions?
  • What value can patience have in this situation?

The last series of questions will help you finally pull yourself together. It is one of the controls. Ask yourself:

  • Do I have control over this situation?
  • What can I control? What can I change and influence?
  • What do I have no control over and need to let go of?

We often experience impatience when we desperately want to control a situation, our time, or the behavior of other people.

You'll never feel better if you're always worried about things you can't control. Accept reality and move on.

Step Five: Decide What You Will Do Next

You have one of three options:

  1. Decide to act.
  2. Decide to wait until the problem is resolved.
  3. Decide to observe the situation patiently but proactively to learn from the experience.

You don't always have to act. If there are people who cannot sit still. They spoil the nerves of themselves and those around them and at the same time achieve nothing. Therefore, determine what decision you will make.

Don't think that you need patience to develop patience. To some extent, each of us has it. The only thing is to work on your psyche and observe your reactions.

We wish you good luck!

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We also recommend reading:

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Key words:1Psychoregulation

What can I do

To learn to endure and wait, you need to clearly separate the boundaries of what you cannot influence and what is within your power and learn to switch from one task to another. Sometimes you really want to speed up time, but the forces of nature are beyond human control, but you know perfectly well how to spend it profitably.

Many argue that at such moments everything falls out of hand, nothing helps: “You just look at the clock and get nervous.” At this moment, try to think rationally.

You can continue to waste your nerves, not let go of the phone and rush about like a wounded lion, but it’s better to exhale, calmly tell yourself: “I am not able to influence the course of this event,” set an alarm clock (if you are waiting for a certain hour) and direct all your strength to perform other tasks.

How to let go

Understanding that you cannot control this period of your life should already make you a little more tolerant and calmer, but there are other methods that will help you cope with stress.

First, you need to try to think less about the problem. Thoughts give rise to emotions, but they are not needed now. The best way is to switch. It is not necessary to grab onto some things that require a certain period of time. You can call a friend or read a book.

By the way, in your case, “Willpower” by Kelly McGonigal may be an excellent choice. It lists many techniques for developing and strengthening this important quality of patience and waiting.

Remember, every time you manage to calmly wait for something or endure without showing your emotions, this is a successfully completed training. Over time, it will become increasingly easier for you to relieve the mental pain that waiting causes. It’s like in sports: the first time you can’t do even five push-ups, but with each new day your strength increases.

Don't be afraid that it will reflect badly on you. You will begin to waste less nerves in vain. This is cool. That's all. See you again and don't forget to subscribe to the newsletter.

How to properly suffer from unhappy love

  1. Take one human subject of fertile age. If you are a boy, take a girl, if you are a girl, take a boy.
  2. Start at 8pm on Friday. Lie face down on the bed. Nichok should last 60 minutes. If there is one of your relatives behind the door, in this case prop the door with something heavy and answer all the screams in a runny voice: “Everything is fine, leave me alone.” A runny voice is achieved by sobbing for 8 minutes. Bitter girls or stingy men. Sobs should be silent.
  3. Return to point 2. You are lying prone, now you need to think. You need to think in order: a) how beautiful the object of love is in general b) how beautiful the object of love is in particular c) how inaccessible the object of love is d) how beautiful and inaccessible it is.
  4. Now go deeper. Think the following: a) no one has a smile like that b) no one has a voice like that. At this stage, place the semantic emphasis on “no one else!”
  5. At this point, go deeper. The given theme is “impossibility.” Think: what a pity that we can’t be together, it’s impossible.
  6. Add “never”: what a pity that we can never be together. This is never possible.
  7. Think about never in detail, 5 minutes. Imagine a lonely old age and an unfulfilled life.
  8. Cry silently, face down, into your fists, bite your lips.
  9. Add quiet tragedy and relax: roll over onto your back. Lie down so that the tears flow into your ears. Don't bite your lips yet.
  10. Break. Get out of bed, go to the bathroom and blow your nose noisily. When washing your face, look in the mirror. The nose should be red and swollen. If not, you've messed up.
  11. Return to the place of sobbing, lie there in a free position and take a nap. You need to gain strength for the rest of the night.
  12. At the stroke of midnight, sit down at your computer, display a portrait of the subject on the screen and turn on your favorite romantic melody. Use your cursor to gently trace your subject's eyebrows, lips, and jawline. Whisper: “never.” 10 minutes.
  13. Break for tea and pee for 15 minutes.
  14. Remove the subject's portrait from the screen, leave the melody and make it loud. Lean back in your chair so that your head rests on something, close your eyes and imagine yourself and the subject in different poses and life situations.
  15. Startle as if you are waking up. Look around the surrounding objects with a crazy look. Realize that the object is not with you. Sob. 40 minutes.
  16. Pee break. Pour yourself some strong, sweet coffee. Now you will need physical endurance.
  17. Display all social networks one by one. Roll up the windows, but do not close them. Go to the first one with photos.
  18. Find on social networks in the specified order: the object, those who are next to the object, those who loom in the background. Read everything you can find about them over the last two years. 4 hours.
  19. If the object has more than a hundred friends, select exactly 26 of any nicknames.
  20. Search in comments on Yandex. Read the LiveJournal of everyone whose subject left comments.
  21. By seven o'clock in the morning you should have a list of new objects with whom you will compare yourself unfavorably.
  22. If you come across an interesting magazine, read it and forget why you are here, return to the previous points.
  23. Add a tragic one to a romantic melody.
  24. Go to bed, just light a candle first and whisper “never and impossible” to it. Blow out the candle and compare the small flame with your life and love.
  25. In the next three days, consolidate your success: listen to “that” music all the time and cry at night. (c)

From the editors of Psychologos:

You may be interested in other effective strategies for a similar situation. Men's options: again I remembered the one I broke up with - 50 push-ups! I started feeling sorry for myself again - 50 push-ups! As a result, men walk around pumped up and stop thinking about what they shouldn’t do.

Similar options for the female half - we replace push-ups with pumping up the abs and washing the floor. And after some time - I dance, dance, dance!

Good luck to everyone!

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