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Published: 10/23/2016
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People, of course, have a habit of coming together, but they just as well diverge.
Divorce is always accompanied by difficult emotional experiences, and often the problem of starting a new life after divorce becomes truly unsolvable.
Is it possible, through certain techniques and psychological techniques, how to forget your love and start from scratch?
- Pros of divorce Freedom
- Material Component
- creative element
- Psychological techniques Give yourself the opportunity to be sad
- For women
Pros of divorce
Divorce is, of course, a very sad and difficult phenomenon. It brings pain, suffering, stress and emotional decline.
All this, of course, causes serious damage to health, career and other areas of our lives.
But, in addition to the negative aspects of this situation, there are still positive aspects, as in any other event.
Liberty
Living together for both partners introduces certain kinds of restrictions into their lives. The concept of freedom is relative for everyone: some people don’t really need it at all, but others still needed it. If there is no strong fear of loneliness, then freedom will be largely a plus during a divorce.
Material Component
As a rule, a woman loses her husband’s financial support in this regard if
my husband earned more. The opposite situation is also true for men. If a man/woman is left with a child, then life becomes extremely unbearable.
However, there is still a big plus here. Now you can only take care of yourself and the child, if you have one. This makes the suffering of divorce fade into the background, and a new serious goal appears.
Many people, just after a divorce, set up their careers, find new hobbies and ways to make a living.
creative element
Divorce always traumatizes people, disappoints them, and takes away their motivation for life. However, in many situations, a man or woman, in order to escape from a breakup, immerses themselves in creativity, finding peace and self-confidence.
After the loss of a loved one, people successfully find themselves in art, science, and sports.
Thus, a severe stressful situation in the form of a divorce only provides a chance to start a new life, to turn it 180 degrees..
How to start a new life after divorce
Psychological techniques
And now the divorce certificate is signed, and the relationship is officially terminated. Perhaps the couple wanted to live happily ever after, but for some reason they can no longer be together. Or perhaps this is a long-awaited divorce.
In any case, this situation is very difficult from a psychological point of view. So what's now? How to live further? Where can I find the strength to pave a new path in life?
There are some psychological techniques that experts advise using to ease the consequences of divorce:
Give yourself the opportunity to be sad
There is no need to suffer for a long time, but it is worth reflecting on everything that happened. The divorce has been experienced, now there is a certain experience, you cannot keep thinking about it endlessly.
Understand your own feelings
There is no need to keep memories inside yourself all the time. You should look for new goals, fresh sensations. Under no circumstances should you close yourself off and remain silent about your experiences. Talk about your own feelings and emotions.
Learn to love yourself
Many people can experience a dramatic drop in self-esteem and self-confidence after a divorce. People begin to beat themselves up, look for flaws, shortcomings. It is vitally necessary to suppress this feeling, otherwise it will take over, and then the most complex depression cannot be avoided.
Discover yourself again or from a new side
If the marriage is short-lived, then the memories of what the person liked to do before the relationship are still fresh. These are either some hobbies, or going to the cinema/theater, or art. Going back to your old hobbies before your spouse will help you rediscover yourself. You can also try to change yourself: your appearance (hairstyle, hair color), take up a new sport, or in some other way to diversify your life.
Understand your social responsibilities
Typically, in a marriage, husband and wife share responsibilities. Now this will no longer happen, so one woman/man should control everything on their own. The main thing is to believe in yourself at the initial stages and be able to do something on your own, then self-confidence will increase significantly and it will become much easier.
User advice on forums
Users leave many comments and posts on the topic of divorce and share their stories.
As a rule, for many, divorce after a long marriage is too difficult an event from which it is extremely difficult to recover.
Nevertheless, women and men find the strength to meet a new partner or continue their own lives on their own. Some become so disgusted by the opposite sex that they swear not to get involved in a new relationship under any circumstances.
People advise never to give up . If there are children, then the meaning of life remains in any case. Under no circumstances should you dwell on divorce; there is always the opportunity to set new goals and achieve them, users advise.
Reasons for divorce
There are as many reasons for divorce as there are people living in a couple. But there are absolutely classic examples and standard situations. For the most part, they are the root causes of breakups.
- Treason
This is a classic. It’s rare that someone decides and is simply able to forgive betrayal. Those who are going to save their marriage, no matter what, go through 9 circles of hell. There are doubts, fears, self-doubt, and depression. Basically, they forgive in two cases: unearthly love and material dependence. There is a third option, but for the most part it is just a sub-item of the second. This is the case when the partner himself lives a double life. Unearthly love is able to forgive everything: betrayal, vile habits, such as alcoholism or drug addiction, humiliation and insults. It is difficult to say what motivates a person when he forgives everything. But, as a rule, such love is just an illusion. Of course, provided that such patience is more like “victim syndrome”.
If we talk about love as such, then it can change a person, it can make him better, and cultivate a reciprocal feeling. If this did not happen, then talking about it is at least stupid. That is why the very fact of the existence of such a thing as betrayal does not exist: a person either loves or does not. If your partner no longer has feelings, you should not accuse him of infidelity. Thus, having accepted the fact of treason, the initiator is either the deceiver or the deceived. The traitor leaves because he sees no point or desire in continuing to be together. The deceived person does not want to put up with the fact of “betrayal” and cannot forgive the lie. Accordingly, the couple divorces.
- Bad habits
The definition doesn't sound as scary as what actually lies underneath it. This includes everything that interferes with the cloudless existence of the family: alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling addiction. This kind of problem carries destructive energy, which not everyone is able to cope with, both on the part of the culprit and on the part of the sufferer. These habits can kill the strongest feeling. They drag everything with them: material problems, family health in the literal and figurative sense, they reduce the development of children and ruin their destiny. In some cases, we are talking about the basic safety of others.
As a result, the culprit ends his existence in two scenarios: he copes with the problem and straightens out his life, or he simply dies. In the first case, preserving the family is possible subject to the wisdom and patience of the partner. If struggle is impossible, if it is futile, divorce is the best solution.
- gambling addiction
This habit destroys the financial well-being of the family. Endless debts, lack of money, the inability to meet your needs and the demands of your family unsettle you and prevent you from calmly planning your life. Not only is the financial issue at risk, the family is exposed to negativity from the outside: creditors will never forgive even the most insignificant debt. It is impossible to play successfully, and players spend fabulous sums, driving their families into debt. Attempts to reason lead to nothing.
- Lack of love
When the feeling fades, most couples decide to divorce. If the partners have no basic respect left and nothing binds them anymore, then there is no point in continuing to exist as a couple. There are only advantages in such a separation, but more on that a little later.
Here are the main reasons for divorce. Of course, there are many more of them than it seems, but these are the most serious.
How to start a new life after divorce if you have a child
Sometimes it happens that a divorced couple ends up with a child or children. In the normal understanding of things, ex-spouses should maintain a relationship for the sake of the children in any case. But sometimes one person still turns away from them and does not provide even the slightest support.
According to statistics, in most cases the child remains with the mother.
But modern judicial practice increasingly notes the desire of fathers to keep their children. According to the law, parents have equal rights to their children, regardless of any gender differences.
In any case, a child is always the goal to live on. On the shoulders of the parent, if he
left completely without support, a huge burden of independent responsibility falls on him for the future of his son or daughter. Under no circumstances should one lose heart or become depressed; the child should see the confidence of his mother or father that everything will be fine, problems will go away, and life will get better.
This will only happen if the parent gives him all of himself. To do this, the mother or father, first of all, should recover from the psychological trauma caused by the divorce and move on with their lives.
Divorce during pregnancy on the initiative of the wife is possible. Is it possible to file for divorce unilaterally, without the consent of the second spouse? Find out about it here. For a divorce, you need to prepare a certain package of documents. Read more about this in our article.
How to survive a divorce: features for men and women
For women
It is believed that women suffer more from divorce than men. You shouldn’t say that with confidence, because different people and different situations.
According to statistics, women more often than men lose self-esteem and self-confidence after a divorce. And the first thing that needs to be done is to get rid of the complex of an inferior person acquired during the divorce. It is necessary to eliminate the feeling of rejection by your ex-spouse and stop living with this feeling. To restore self-esteem, a woman needs to realize herself in other areas of life: work, friends, sports, hobbies, helping people.
If there is a child, then the woman should switch completely to him.
Children have many questions for their mother after a divorce, so the mother should explain why this happened and set up the child for a dialogue on this issue.
A woman is prohibited from feeling resentment or guilt for what happened. Such emotions depress her more than men and do not allow her to move on. You need to be able to switch, realize yourself in other areas, and look for new interests.
Recommendations from a psychologist to ex-husbands
Learn how to organize your life
How to live alone after divorcing your wife? Men don’t really like independence ; they have to cook their own food and do the cleaning, so many strive to find a new girl as quickly as possible.
And here lies the mistake - if you rush into making a choice, the union may again turn out to be unsuccessful.
How to live:
- learn to cook;
- enjoy freedom and relaxation alone;
- engage in work and self-development;
- try to look back at your life and sort out your priority goals.
