Not many girls getting married are puzzled by the question of whether it is worth doing.
As a rule, people “jump out” to get married very quickly, without thinking at all about where and on what means the young family will live, how the family budget will be distributed, who should do the housework, who will go to the grocery store.
The majority of young girls hope for their future husband that he should support and provide for his family, earn a lot and be an excellent family man.
Unfortunately, the realities of marriage are completely opposite. And instead of finding a reliable life partner, a young girl finds herself abandoned, often with a small child in her arms, and not only without a financial cushion, but also without any means of subsistence. It’s just too late to think about the upcoming marriage.
Today we’ll talk about whether you should get married if you have doubts, and how to sort out your fears.
Why can't a woman get married?
What is the reason? Why can't a woman get married ?
And the reason is very simple. And it’s not that you don’t engage in self-development or somehow behave differently. Or you become so fixated on the thought of marriage that you can’t think about anything else. That's not the point. More precisely, not quite this. The reason is that thoughts are material, and you send the wrong request to the Universe, and it does not respond the way you need. Year after year you think “I want a husband and children, children and a husband, a family” - no specifics! Which husband? Who should a husband be? First of all, it must be the person you love. Even someone who doesn’t love you is the second thing. The very first message to the Universe - I want to fall in love, fall in love, meet a loved one, marry... But stop here. These are 2 different goals. Because you can fall in love with a person who will not marry you or, conversely, marry someone who is not deeply loved. The universe is confused and does not know what task it should perform. Moreover, you are so fixated that the task has long been one - to get married. There are no words about love - of course, it goes without saying, but it shouldn’t be that way. There must be a correctly formulated, complete thought. And with your “I want to get married,” the Universe sends you faceless potential good husbands, whom you don’t even notice, because they don’t have any features that could attract you. They just pass you by in crowds, just like your years. And you still send the same request and pour from empty to empty.
Stop! Your main desire should be to fall passionately in love. Dot. Get rid of all thoughts from your head, open your eyes and “chakras”, open up to the world and meet the person to whom you are drawn. When you meet and start a relationship, there should be no thoughts about marriage or any future in your head. Everything in turn. Your friends also didn’t receive a proposal out of the blue from the first person they met—at first there was acquaintance and falling in love. You also need to go through this mandatory stage. Thoughts about marriage and family are premature without him. Even if you are 35 years old. If you try to jump over this stage in your head, you will never succeed.
So what's your choice?
If your chosen one has gone through the prism of these questions, and by answering these questions you have become confident in your choice, answer one more question: “Are you ready to get married yourself?”
Are you ready to live with this person until old age, give birth and raise children, do housework, love your husband, even when he comes home from work drunk?
Are you ready? Great! Then don’t hesitate and marry him.
At the same time, if your doubts persist, talk to your boyfriend, talk about what bothers you. We need to talk frankly, without any secrets or omissions. After all, you are adults and already know a lot about each other.
After such a frank conversation, you will either get married or break up, which is also not so bad.
Why can't a beautiful girl get married?
The reasons why a beautiful girl cannot get married lie on approximately the same plane as in relation to other girls. One can, of course, argue that the beautiful ones have more demands and they waste time waiting for the prince, but this is only one of the reasons and not the most important one.
The first reason: there is a difference between considering yourself beautiful and actually being so. Many people tend to exaggerate their merits.
The second reason: beauty is nothing if you don’t know how to present it correctly. There are very few truly beautiful girls who disarm at first sight. But beauty is not only about appearance. This also means knowing how to “frame” this appearance. A huge number of beautiful actresses are lonely or unhappy in love because their beauty is “empty”.
The third reason: beauty and attractiveness are two different things. You can be beautiful like the Madonna from the images, but you will only be admired from afar. Men are attracted to sexuality. Don't confuse it with debauchery! And a virgin can be sexually attractive.
The fourth reason: everything in a woman loses value, including beauty, when she is conquered or really wants to achieve a man.
Read more about the influence of beautiful appearance on happiness in your personal life here.
Symbolic marriage with one of the parents (no freedom for new relationships)
It also happens that a daughter, in a fit of her desire to save her parents’ marriage, teetering on the brink of divorce, is drawn into the role of a symbolic wife for her father. And outwardly it may look quite decent: the father loves his daughter, pampers her with his attention and gifts... But the mother sees the girl as a rival and torments her with nagging. And it’s bad with men too. A young man cannot wear it; it is not free for him. She is already married to her father. No matter how good a guy is, it is very difficult for him to compete with a strong, generous, caring father.
Solution . When this particular problem is clarified in the systemic constellation - a symbolic marriage with the father, the following solution is proposed. You need to turn to your father and say with all determination: “Dad, I love you very much!” But I cannot be your wife! I'm only your daughter! And it's time for me to get back to my life. It's time for me to attract a man and create a happy family. It's time for me to give birth to children, your grandchildren. Bless your father for a happy marriage!”
Why some people don't get married
And yet it happens that not everyone manages to build family happiness. There are a number of other reasons why some people don’t get married at all. Oddly enough, the main one is a hidden reluctance to actually be married. Everyone who wanted to get married is all there sooner or later. Think about this phrase literally. When the main thing is the stamp in the passport, then the rest is secondary - the appearance, age, “quality” of the man. Therefore, “getting married is not a problem” - there is a saying. But this is not the case in the minds of many women. They just don’t need marriage in this form. This is the key point. An internal substitution is taking place - I want to get married, but at the same time I don’t want to marry those who are nearby. The first thing is to meet the right person. It's not always easy. Some people need one thing, others something completely different. Until the puzzle meets all the necessary parameters, there will be no picture. But waiting can disappoint, depress and lead to the thought that there is no such person for me. And even worse is to go to extremes and build relationships with completely unsuitable people, which leaves pain and despair in your soul. They, in turn, reduce the chances, because the person is more focused on internal experiences than on the ability to discern a potential partner.
Remember the stories about how women quickly got married after relaxing and saying “it’s not fate, well, okay.” How they mutually fell in love literally immediately after they decided that this would not happen in their lives. The main thing is not to focus on age. And then many people write - I’m already 37! So what? What does this affect? The fact that the infantiles who “love” a young body up to 20 will no longer exist. So this is even a plus!
Child's involvement in parental conflict (confidant or anger at father)
Quite often, parents involve the child in their conflict. It turns out like this: “Don’t tell mom where I went!”, “Well, what are we going to do with your dad, get a divorce, what do you think?”, “Who will you live with, with me or with your father, choose?”, “Eh, no I’m going to get a divorce, I need to get you on your feet, and then think about yourself!” For a child, such a role as a mediator between parents is an excessive burden. He has absolutely no strength left for his own life, and the constant feeling of failure and powerlessness in the struggle for the happiness of his parents forms the position of an eternal loser, reduces self-esteem, and fills every day with anxiety and worry. Thus, a girl involved in a parental conflict does not have the strength and energy to have a relationship with a man. And moreover, he is afraid of repeating his parents’ unhappy scenario in his own marriage. Therefore, she often makes the choice to not make contact with men at all. Just in case!
The solution to this problem in a system arrangement is proposed as follows. We must turn to our parents and decisively declare a new position: “Mom and Dad, I love you very much!” I'm your daughter. I'm too young to solve your problems. Therefore, from today I leave all your problems to you. I will accept any of your decisions. Wherever you are, you are only parents. You're both good. You are what we need. I need both of you..."
Adoption of parents (no energy for your life)
The situation is even more difficult when the girl is involved in the dynamics of parentification. In other words, acts as a mother to her mother or father. As a rule, the cause of this dynamics is a severe chronic illness of the parents. And the more a girl cares about them, the more infantile traits they have in their behavior, the more helpless they become. As a result, the girl gives all her energy, which is needed to maintain her health, to build her career, her relationships, and the birth of her children, to her parents. She has nothing left for herself. And then he wonders: “Why is everything so bad?”
Solution . In order not to bring yourself to complete exhaustion, you just need to reconsider your priorities. The main priority of any family system is procreation. Therefore, the girl’s priority should be - first my life, my success and my relationships, and only then - helping my parents, without compromising the future. In the constellation, we ask the adopted parents to say: “Dear mom (dear dad)! I love you very much. I'm sorry, but I can't be your mother. I'm only your daughter! And that's a fact! And of the two of us, you are the big one, and I am the small one! And the only thing I can do for you is to accept with gratitude and love what you give for me... Help me. Of course, if necessary, I will take care of you, you can count on me. I will do everything right, but not at the expense of my health, my relationships, my career and my children. Be aware of this. I am only your daughter!
Increase your own value
An important point: sometimes women are not ready to take responsibility. But any relationship presupposes this. That is, there are many women around who believe that a man owes them by definition. They only want to take, but they themselves have nothing to give, they do not correspond to the man they are applying for. And men, believe me, feel when they only want to be used. Now very rich, successful men, arranging their personal lives with the help of intermediaries, conditional matchmakers, immediately say: introduce me to a successful woman who works and earns money herself. And not with the one that will drain resources. It is worth remembering that a woman should respect and honor her man - this is what the Bible says. Then he will try for her, grow and conquer worlds, become more successful. Let me clarify: we are now talking about worthy men, and not about those that women pull on themselves, reasoning: “even if he’s bad, he’s mine.”
In general, I would like to wish all women to increase their value. In a relationship, both partners need to develop. You don’t need to look for a man to solve your problems and sit on his neck. There is no need to drag an alcoholic or drug addict along with you, hoping that the person will suddenly change. Develop, work on yourself - become a star (for yourself, in your own eyes), and men will be drawn to you.
Unfinished mourning (including for your aborted children)
Very often, the reason for the inability to start a happy relationship with a man is the girl’s mourning for her parents, relatives, unborn brothers and sisters, and her own abortions. And a man is not interested in seducing a woman who is a little dead, in mourning, living as if in a cemetery. For a long-term relationship, he needs a lively, energetic girl who can give him healthy and beautiful children.
Solution. In a systemic arrangement, you can do some work, take responsibility and stop mourning for the dead. And free yourself to a new life. All you need is a very strong desire!
