In this article we will talk about what star fever is, what symptoms are characteristic of this “disease,” and how to warn a child athlete and his parents against it.
Star fever is not so much a terrible disease as an unpleasant one. The most important catch of this disease is that the period of “incubation” (the emergence of star fever, thoughts, etc.) can take place inside a person’s personality for many months and even years and only then break out with some external manifestations.
Narcissists—people who are characterized by character traits such as selfishness, vanity, and selfishness—suffer most from star fever. It is quite difficult for such people due to the fact that their body literally requires constant praise, admiration and even envy from others. And if a person believes that he does not receive the required amount of the listed praises, he begins to sincerely feel deprived and unhappy, and these emotions are followed by others, even more dangerous: anger, worry, resentment.
Star fever in a child athlete
The main reason for childhood star fever is upbringing. We have all heard about parents who try to realize their unfulfilled ambitions through their children. So, there are many more such parents than you can imagine. They themselves choose the path of life for their child: what to enjoy, what sports to play, what to read.
Every successful action of the child (from the parents’ point of view!) is encouraged with praise and rewards. The child gradually becomes a hostage to his own success: he gets used to the fact that only success in a certain activity will allow him to receive praise from his parents, while his failure will sincerely upset his parents. At this moment, a reassessment of values occurs, and it is not one’s own “I” that comes first, but the image of the parent, who must be kept happy.
Sometimes the role of such parents is taken on by a coach in the section, teachers at school, relatives or any other adults. A child needs praise and admiration in general, and anyone can contribute to nurturing the image of the most talented.
Children's “star sickness” is filled with such categories as narcissism and doubt constantly fighting among themselves (the child seems to be torn between his own “I” and the image of his parents and does not know to whom his personality belongs). If you do not deal with childhood star fever in a timely manner, this will lead to sad consequences: the child will grow up insecure, anxious, dependent on other people’s assessments and prone to envy. In addition, in order to justify the image created around him, a child can simply undermine both physical and mental health.
How to deal with star fever in a child
A few rules will help you.
- Don't praise your child constantly. The child should receive praise only for some achievement or success.
- Praise should be ordinary: a fleeting word “Well done,” “You did well,” etc. The act of praise should not be turned into an act of exaltation: “You are the best! There is no one better than you and there never will be! You are incredibly beautiful! It is better to focus attention not on the child himself, but on the correct action that he performed: “Great goal”, “Good serve”, etc.
- Praise should be simple. Praise and encouragement should not be confused. Praise is the word “Well done.” Encouragement is buying a new toy, taking you to attractions, and so on.
- Praise must be adequate to the action. For example, if your child plays soccer and scores a goal, praise him. But if you win an important tournament, reward him. The child must understand that praise is a rather small, but still a reward, but for really great achievements he will receive not only praise, but also encouragement. A child must strive for something.
- Sport should not become a child's only activity. Besides training and competitions, there are things like homework and homework, for example. Often, parents of little athletes do all the homework for the child and even exempt them from basic cleaning of their room, and this is fundamentally wrong.
- An important point is Olympiads and competitions. If your child gets sick with star fever, it can be cured very easily: take part in some strong competition. It is necessary for him to see what other children are like, what they can do, and - important - that he is certainly a talented child, but he is far from the best in his field and he has something to strive for.
Star fever - treatment
A patient with a psychological illness, as a rule, does not recognize its presence, just as a “star-struck” person does not see a problem in his behavior. But those around them are suffering and trying to figure out how to get rid of star fever. The person needs to be brought down from his pedestal, but it is important to act carefully. Experts believe that it is necessary to combat manifestations of narcissism only through psychotherapy. But there are proven “folk” methods for treating star fever.
- New motivation when a person is given different goals.
- Increasing the complexity of the task.
- The stick method, that is, punishment for violating a behavioral model.
- From heaven to earth - when an employee who turns his nose up is transferred to a lower position.
- Limitation of sphere of influence, isolation.
“Star fever” among parents of athletes
Alas, “star fever” sometimes visits not only successful children, but also their parents. They begin to feel superior to other parents, projecting the child’s success onto their own personality. A child wins a football tournament - dad says: “I taught him that!” The child plays the piano beautifully - his mother says: “He gets his ear for music from me!”
Causes of star fever in parents
First of all, this is bias. Loving your child and considering him the best and most talented is absolutely natural, but not every parent is able to accept the objective truth.
There may be more capable children in the section, or the child, in principle, may not have outstanding abilities for a particular sport. It is difficult to recognize such facts, and often parents begin to look at the world through the prism of children's perceptions, losing an objective view of things. It seems to them that it was their efforts that led the child to success, while all other people (teachers, coaches, friends) either did very little in the process of the child’s development, or did nothing, or even wanted to do harm by ignoring or belittling the child’s abilities .
Another reason could be competition. Coaches, sports school administrations, sports agents - all these third parties can feed parents’ belief in the exclusivity of their child, and therefore themselves.
A simple example: a child studies in a section and demonstrates some success. Coaches from other clubs and agents notice this, and parents begin to receive various invitations. The invitations, of course, are reinforced by the praise of the young athlete and together create a feeling of importance and significance. The interest in the child from agents and various clubs in itself is a positive phenomenon, confirming the talent and demand of the little athlete, but, unfortunately, not all parents perceive such attention adequately.
Finally, the financial issue should not be overlooked. The fees of professional athletes are regularly covered in the press and are not inferior to the income of actors or musicians, sometimes even surpassing them. Large salaries increase the prestige of the profession even more, and together this creates additional risk for particularly impressionable parents.
How do you know if you have star fever?
Test yourself with a simple test.
- You are not satisfied with your child's coach. Or maybe you managed to change several schools for this reason. You think you know better how to train your child.
- You criticize the work of the trainer at home in front of the child.
- You feel stressed thinking about your child not being in the top five, first team, etc. (or may not be there). It seems to you that this will put an end to your child’s career, and you are trying with all your might to convince the coach that your child deserves a better place.
- You ignore your child's reluctance to play a particular sport.
- Are you sure that some external circumstances, coach, other children, etc. are to blame for the child’s lack of success?
How to competently manage “star” employees?
What no employee will admit to you
The employee demands special treatment and believes that he deserves a special work regime, a higher salary and more freedom of action. All the symptoms are obvious - this is “star fever”.
Warning!
You may not want to read any further if you have a tough, direct management style in management. Advice and recommendations will not help you! So next I will try to answer one of the common questions in people management - how to flexibly manage “star” and ambitious employees?
"Star fever"
Almost every manager in his practice has encountered an employee who begins to “star.” As a rule, this creates additional conditions and difficulties in work. The so-called “irreplaceable employees” can either greatly help the project or ruin it.
“Star sickness” often manifests itself as: • excessive demands • dissatisfaction with salary • emotional irritation over trifles • reluctance to do certain work • failure to complete a task • being late for work • undermining the authority of the manager • shoving responsibility onto others • conflicts in the team • open blackmail of the manager
If “anti-star” therapy is not carried out in time, such a person can break up the team and create huge unjustified risks.
In some cases, this problem is solved quickly and radically - dismissing the employee and replacing him with a new one. However, this method is not always acceptable. For example, if an employee has unique knowledge and skills or is simply a specialist with a rare specialization, the dismissal method is too expensive. It will take a lot of time and money to find or train a professional who can complete tasks quickly and efficiently.
Indispensability syndrome
There are business sectors that do not require highly qualified personnel. Rather, we need “soldiers” who work according to the rules, within the framework of strict technology and corporate standards. Ambition, determination and desire to develop are not needed here. Typically, in such organizations, staff rarely develop irreplaceability syndrome. Why? Because employees are prohibited from thinking and expressing themselves a lot. The result is achieved through precise technology, and not through the personal contribution of people. Employee self-esteem in this case is usually low. The purpose of such an organization of labor is a mechanism consisting of performers. If one element of such a mechanism is “infected with star fever”, it is easily and effectively replaced with another. Such protection against the human factor in such organizations is not without meaning and is often applicable.
Where does star fever come from?
As a rule, knowledge-intensive projects or commercial departments require ambitious employees with a result orientation, a desire to achieve, non-standard thinking, and a search for new opportunities. Such qualities, sooner or later, can become a catalyst for “star fever.” The more a person creates and achieves, the greater his need for recognition of himself and his merits. And this is the main “grain” of what we later call inadequate ambitions. Also, the creative atmosphere and the opportunity to take initiative significantly enhances the “stardom”. For example, in a team where creative problems are solved, you can often observe a whole galaxy of “star employees”. Add to this an inflated reward system and the possibility of a rapid career, and you get fertile ground for inadequate self-esteem among employees. Employees' "star sickness" can also progress due to the wrong course of action of the manager himself. These could be errors in setting the task, incorrect feedback, excessive bonuses and bonuses, as well as an incorrect assessment of the employee’s potential.
Point in the right direction
My consulting experience suggests that almost all employees suffer from star fever. The intensity of the manifestation and the period may be different for everyone, but everyone goes through it. This is a kind of professional development crisis. And the manager (if he does not want to work only with the “gray mass”) needs to be able to manage the “stars”. To do this, it is necessary to both be able to prevent stardom and be able to use the state of employees for greater productivity. Many managers agree that by finding an individual approach to a person, you can direct him in the right direction and inspire him to achieve great achievements.
One of my friends, the head of an IT company, about 2 years ago had to resort to emergency measures in relation to the behavior of a “star-studded” sales manager. The usual measures that he took towards all employees did not work. Increased control and reporting over the work of the “star” led to open conflict. Parting with the experienced salesman was not part of his plans. Only a face-to-face conversation allowed the boss to better understand the motives and come to an agreement with the subordinate. Having achieved understanding with the employee, the manager managed to build a new management style. Which subsequently influenced the morale of the sales manager and led to an increase in sales.
I have seen similar cases of working with “stars” among software developers, technical specialists, journalists and consultants.
Perhaps you have asked yourself these questions:
• What to do if an employee begins to “star” or “pull the blanket over himself?” • How to predict star fever among your staff? • How to build a conversation with a “star”? • How to turn conflicts into a positive direction? • What will allow you not to step on the same rake?
We consider these questions in detail at the master class “How to competently manage “star” employees?” A master class is an opportunity to look at a management problem from a professional point of view, to create a shift in your head in order to more successfully solve such situations.
Do an experiment!
If you work with employees who steal a lot of your attention or are unmanageable, I suggest you check a few things. Do an experiment. Highlight the 3-5 most important competencies in the work of such an employee. Then rate them on a scale of 10. This is how you perceive the employee. Next, ask the employee to evaluate himself. Explain to him that this is important for his further growth in the company. Then compare your vision with his self-image. The self-esteem of a “star” is almost always inflated: he values himself higher than you value him, and sometimes he is quite sincerely offended by your assessment. He is also inclined to exaggerate the importance of his own merits and compare his productivity with the productivity of his colleagues - not in favor of the latter, of course. The standard thinking of a “star employee” is: “everything that was done right was done because of my participation; everything that is done wrong was done by others without consulting me.”
Learn to control the self-esteem of your subordinates!
I think that it is more interesting for you, as a leader, to achieve goals together with bright individuals, rather than with cogs. Self-esteem is a very delicate matter. For some people it can change 3-4 times a day. And it won't hurt you to be able to manage this self-esteem. It is known that an employee’s self-esteem directly affects his productivity. However, at a certain stage of its development, the dependence of results on self-esteem may change by one hundred and eighty degrees. Achieve balance! It is important not to go too far. Use your authority carefully.
What participants usually say about their results:
• Looked at the solution to this problem in a new way. • Learned the key reasons why people become stars. • Analyzed my authority and understood how it can be strengthened in the near future. • Found ways to prevent “star sickness” among his employees. • Learned to manage the employee’s emotions and direct his efforts in the right direction. • I know how to build a conversation with a “star”. • Analyzed what my team could improve in the near future. • Received a working tool to solve this problem.
Indeed, feedback from our clients confirms the thoughts and ideas expressed here. View reviews from managers
For whom the master class is designed:
- Top managers
- Project managers
- Heads of departments
How interested are you in improving your skills in managing people?
Only you can answer this question yourself.
Program:
1. Where is the main reason? • Who we are dealing with: 2 types of “stars”. • Stages of employee development. • Your authority vs the employee's face. • The main mistakes of a manager. • How to better understand what is important to an employee.
2. “Star sickness” • Internal crisis of professionalism. • First indicators: what should you notice? • Employee sensitivity: where are his pain points. • Where do ambitions come from? • Managing employee potential.
3. Communication • Difficult cases. • How to build a conversation with a “star”? • How to channel an employee's emotions in the right direction. • Three tricks that work. • "Forbidden techniques." • How not to overpraise an employee. • Maintain a balance between distance and familiarity. • “Zvezda” and other employees.
Price:
If you read the text of the letter, ask yourself one more question:
How much time and money are you willing to invest to solve this problem for yourself?
What consequences can there be in a company due to management errors and poor communication with employees? Pods
Summing up
Star fever has no physical symptoms and is not diagnosed by doctors like a cold or seasonal virus. This is what makes it especially dangerous: the problem can go unnoticed for a very long time, and when it does show up, the consequences can be too serious.
If parents do not want to raise a child who is narcissistic, selfish and constantly doubts himself, it is necessary to pay attention to his upbringing from a very early age and control not only himself, but also the adults around the little athlete.
Parents’ “star sickness” is no less dangerous, since it affects not only family relationships, but also the child’s health: the actions of parents blinded by vanity can threaten a little athlete with neurosis, depression and other serious problems.
Due to a common stereotype, we are accustomed to thinking that “star fever” is the lot of media personalities, although in fact, the excellent student at school, the most beautiful girl in the class, and the little athlete (and sometimes his parents) are at risk. That is why you need to regularly analyze the behavior of both the child and your own, because the best treatment is prevention.
