Sooner or later, every couple comes to the question of what is most important in the relationship between a man and a woman. It may not be said, but this question is undoubtedly asked within oneself.
What is the basis for two people being together, what keeps them together - each couple has its own story and its own “attraction”.
What keeps us together?i
A young man and a girl, a man and a woman, I would like to think that they are together only because they are madly in love with each other, that they cannot live a single day without each other, that... I would like to think so. But in life everything is far from being like that. But people are still in relationships, and often for many years. And, for the most part, they do not consider themselves unhappy, otherwise they would have long ago found a way to become happy.
So what is the main thing they have that holds their union together? Why have they been together for so many years? Well, for example, because of this:
- children;
- money;
- common property;
- habit, way of life;
- age;
- common interests;
- Love.
And now more details.
Children - yes, at first, as soon as the firstborn appears, the most difficult days in the life of young fathers and mothers begin. And how many families fail to pass this serious test of adulthood.
It is also difficult for a young mother, who jumps up to her child at night and during the day has to clean everything, cook dinner, iron, wash, and all this with a child in her arms. And it’s not any sweeter for the young daddy - he has to work for two. Or even for three, so that neither the wife nor the baby needs anything. And after work, I need to help my wife and play with the child.
And at night the sleep is also not restful, where can you fall asleep when one is screaming at the top of his lungs, and the other is singing with all her might the lullaby “and I say - the little gray top will come!!” But everyone went through this. After a while, it’s not so hard anymore, the baby is growing up and there is no one in the world dearer and sweeter than him.
The child takes all the thoughts, all the time and all the strength. And as soon as he grows up, the second one is on the way. And all over again.
Of course, there is no need to ask what is most important in a relationship. Children. No matter how you treat your wife or husband, children come first. Therefore... I’d better endure it, I’d better keep silent, I’d better bow my head lower. But the children will live with their father, but the children will be with me, but they won’t have to pay child support. And how are they without a father?
When children become adults, they bring grandchildren to their parents, and now the grandchildren cement the relationship between this couple. But sometimes, apart from children, they have very little in common. Such a husband and wife do not live together, but nearby. But they never thought about divorce. Although... Divorces also happen. This happens when husband and wife are completely different. Polar. And there is no way to stay together. And is it necessary?
If the only main thing in a relationship between a man and a woman is children, you can live in different families (especially when the children are already adults) and maintain good, friendly relations. It will be more honest. And also, such a relationship will give the parents the opportunity for new happiness, because the old one simply did not exist.
Making up through sex
Sex after a fight is considered very exciting, and there is scientific evidence for this. Conflict can be perceived as a threat to the relationship. And this feeling includes Desire under attack: Attachment orientations and the effects of relationship threat on sexual motivations, a kind of defense mechanism that motivates to restore a sense of intimacy and security through sex. That is, partners are especially excited, and even transform strong emotions provoked by conflict into sexual desire. It is no coincidence that sex after a quarrel is mentioned in one way or another in many films and TV series.
But in the long run, such intimacy may not have very good consequences. It’s not for nothing that in English it is sometimes called make‑up sex The Truth About Make‑Up Sex - makeup, or camouflage. There is nothing wrong with sex itself; problems begin when it is used not in addition to, but instead of verbal reconciliation. After all, the problem that caused the quarrel does not disappear anywhere, and it still needs to be discussed.
In addition, there is a risk that one of the partners will begin to deliberately provoke quarrels for the sake of sex after them.
What is the most important thing in a relationship? Money2
The main thing for many is money. Nowadays it is no longer customary to be shy when talking about it. On TV, for example, in the TV show “The Bachelor,” a whole brigade of young girls bend over backwards to marry a bachelor. Of course, the bachelor is rich, handsome and young. But it was possible to stop at “rich.” When you look at how handsome and young he is.
Naturally, no one is interested in how well he suits your interests - whether he likes to sing karaoke, for example, whether he likes your mother, how he feels about your photos on Instagram. Nobody cares. The main thing is to grab it! Because he is rich! And he wants to get married! And since you also want a lot of money, and at once! God himself commanded you to attend this program!
The rich guy will, of course, get the most beautiful girl, the smartest, the most perceptive and, in general, the best. And the girl goes to heaven. All at once! And this fairy tale continues until... until the girl becomes an adult girl. And this happens, oh, so quickly.
And no amount of plastic surgery will bring back the former youth, and no common children will hold on to such a precious “bald little bag,” and the husband is already looking for a new bride. The main thing is money! Therefore, the former wife is not too sad about parting with the fat belly. But the separation from his money is very sad. Therefore, courts, litigation, quarrels, swearing begin...
Moreover, at first glance, one might think that money is the main thing only in relations with oligarchs. Not at all. Any more or less successful man can count on love because of money. By the way, wealthy women are not immune from this either.
Consider jealousy as a manifestation of love
Popular wisdom says: “Being jealous means loving.” If a person does not watch every SMS with a possessive gaze and does not prohibit communication with people of the opposite sex, then he is not very passionate about his partner. In such a case, sometimes it is even advised to specially adjust situations so that he or she becomes worried: let him or her understand that he or she may lose forever! On the other hand, folk wisdom also says that hitting means loving, so you shouldn’t really trust her in matters of relationships.
Jealousy is a painful feeling that makes a person doubt himself and his partner, feel vulnerable, and suffer. Everyone encounters it from time to time. And it’s clearly not worth worrying about the fact that your partner is not suffering enough. This has little to do with the power of love.
Common property3
In most families, the main “cement” of the union is common property. To be specific, there is one living space for two. Yes, this is our life. Many couples would have broken up long ago if each spouse had a living space. But very often it turns out this way - it’s good if young people have at least some corner.
Most often, they rent or live with their parents. By the age of 30, you manage to somehow disconnect and live separately. But this is definitely not a four-room apartment with all the amenities. No matter how many mortgages you take, young people won’t be able to afford such an apartment. But by the age of forty...
But then you need to allocate something to the children, otherwise they will continue to sit with you until their gray old age. And when the children were allocated something, there was no time for themselves. So what again? Again there is nowhere to go. Therefore... it’s better to think that everything is wonderful and love reigns in the family (what it at least looks like).
Look after each other
Any romantic public on social networks is full of vanilla quotes about how a guy forced a girl to wear a hat. And “forced” is the key word here, implying sanctions up to and including assault. And in the comments hundreds of people write: “What love!”
The example, of course, is exaggerated, but people sometimes go too far in trying to “do good” to their loved ones. When partners take care of each other, it's great. But do not forget that adults with equal rights live together. No one adopted anyone, and therefore everyone is able to figure out what to eat, what time to go to bed and whether to wear a hat.
Habit, way of life4
A very powerful thing. Of course, no one will ever say that the main thing in a relationship is habit. They will immediately say - sincere feelings, “I can’t live without him,” “what about me without her,” “we have love.” The most interesting thing is that people do not lie to themselves or to those who ask them. They themselves believe that their relationship is held together by love. And if you look at it, they miss each other, they feel uncomfortable when they are apart, they don’t want my way of life.
But it's not always love. And the spouses themselves suspect something “like that.” If it’s love, then why is it that in separation, the longer it is, the less you want to communicate with your loved one? Why aren’t you interested in what your loved one is doing? Why sometimes does this same loved one become incredibly annoying when he intrudes at home with his questions, with some conversations. And why, tell me, should I know what her friend Lyuska bought today? By the way, the wife herself is not too interested in the fact that Kolka has a new car! And I insisted!
All this can be explained by one thing - habit. And this habit is the main thing in relationships in many couples. It is quite possible that when a man and a woman were in love with each other. Perhaps there was passion, but then it all went away. But a certain rhythm of life has already developed, there is already some kind of way of life that you have built so that you feel comfortable, you have adapted to each other and it seems that life has turned out quite wonderful.
It seems that even love is present. True, if there is love, then they never pull the blanket over themselves, but here this is present. Here they are not too happy if a partner has achieved something. No, if this achievement brings you benefits, then good, but if there is no benefit for you, then why these unnecessary congratulations? What is there to be proud of?
In general, people usually live until their golden weddings. And it’s up to everyone to decide whether to live according to habit, without breaking a comfortable way of life, or to seek real happiness.
Compensate for the consequences of a quarrel with gifts
And again we plunge into the world of social networks and romantic comedies, which make it clear: no matter what you do, it can always be compensated with expensive gifts or beautiful gestures. There was a conflict, but a bouquet of 100 roses or borscht was used - and there was no conflict.
All this looks impressive from the outside, but has nothing to do with solving the problems that cause partners to quarrel, because contradictions do not go away. But this can develop an unhealthy pattern of behavior, when one partner behaves as he wants and then simply “pays off”, while the second provokes conflicts for the sake of grand gestures and attention.
Age5
Yes, when a person has exceeded... then you no longer want to think about what is most important in a relationship. Many people understand that they would have changed everything in their life long ago, and first of all, their life partner, but where are they to move at 18? In such years it is already very difficult to be alone. And it's not safe. Give the pills on time, call a doctor, you need your own person. And where else will you find yours in such years?
And common friends who survived, and children, and grandchildren. And, most importantly, the memories are also common.
There are, of course, people for whom age is not a hindrance. Moreover, they are trying to “look young” precisely at the expense of their young new wife. But who should we deceive? Myself? On TV they often show the same artist, who has long become famous not for his roles, but for how many young girls he led down the aisle.
Grandfather looks very pitiful. And who else, if not them, remembers the words from the old song “how my gray hair is afraid of your curl, you seem even younger if I’m around...”. Why such contrasts? But…
What is the most important thing in a relationship? Common interests6
When the main thing in a relationship is common interests (for example, a common business), the connection can be quite strong. Even though the passionate feelings in a relationship have already gone away, they have been replaced by others - friendly support, interest in your partner’s business (this is your business too), real care, the ability to quickly come to the rescue. In addition, there is always a person nearby who knows you better than you know yourself.
There are also disadvantages to such relationships. For example, if there are common interests, this is working in the same theater or in the same company. In this case, the promotion of his other spouse will not be at all joyful for one spouse. This will even cause negativity. But if you have your own business, then it can also be dangerous - for example, the husband decides that in his joint company with his wife he can handle it alone, and he can easily fire his wife. Could this be?
Maybe. When the main thing in the life of the spouses is anything other than true love, then...Then the spouses will begin to look for this love on the side. And so, imagine - such a hubby, who lives with his wife by inertia, meets a young beauty (and general directors of companies very often come across beauties). And here's the wife! And why is she in this company?
Well, yes, we started together once, but that “once upon a time” already happened?! Now why is she? And the beauty opaquely hints that it would be better without the “old galoshes.” So the once beloved and close person invites his soul mate to separate and live independently. Separate yourself, of course, from the business first.
