Real and fulfilling relationships between couples

Creating fulfilling relationships is one of the main tasks in the lives of many people. But the real test comes when we are faced with life's problems and difficulties that can threaten the harmony and dynamics of relationships. As a result, we begin to doubt whether this person is right for us, and whether we can really create a happy relationship with him.

Each of you must understand that it is easy to fall head over heels in love. But you should know that maintaining and enriching relationships is a completely different matter. To be able to passionately love the person you choose as your partner will require much more than daily expressions of love and exchange of vows at the altar.

You will have to make a conscious effort to constantly develop the relationship and make it successful. It's like growing fruit. If you want them to bear fruit, then you need to take care of them properly.

Keep Your Relationship Real

A fulfilling relationship is formed when two people express the intention to be together and have mutual feelings for each other. We usually get into relationships because we see the potential to build a future together. Also to spend the rest of our lives with the person we choose as our romantic partner. The development of a relationship depends on both partners having mutual feelings for each other and making efforts to maintain romance in the relationship.

The development of any relationship is determined by the rhythm that the couple establishes. Some people find it difficult to keep up with their partner. While others never miss a beat and seem to function as one without much effort. Either way, it takes time and a combination of many other factors. Which contribute to the recipe for a meaningful and fulfilling relationship.

Falling in love and staying in love

Falling in love can be really easy. But it is important to make efforts to maintain this love. As your relationship progresses, you discover key points that will either strengthen or weaken your connection.

We humans are dependent on each other. And each of us has both our advantages and disadvantages. But it all comes down to accepting the other person for who they are. Focus more on his positive qualities and what makes you both compatible. However, this idea does not apply if the other person neglects your feelings or insults you. This is a completely different aspect. Requiring immediate attention and the right decision.

Once you get into a relationship, you should be attentive to each other's needs and desires. You need to ensure that both of you are responsible for the direction and outcome of your relationship. You will find that the world is a better place when you have your significant other by your side to overcome life's challenges together. However, this doesn't mean that you necessarily need someone to make you happy.

Age of manifestation of psychological differences

People are born with psychological differences between the sexes. And if parents try to control and develop signs of masculine or feminine behavior in their child, then it will be much easier for a girl to become a woman and a good wife, and for a boy to become a man and a good husband.

Unfortunately, not all parents pay attention to the psychological development of their children, hence the undesirable path of their development.

There is a set of certain qualities characteristic of men and women. It is generally accepted that men should be strong, decisive, responsible and obliging. And if a boy’s mother protects him from the manifestation of his masculinity, then over time the boy’s sense of duty and responsibility is erased.

A woman should be sensual, gentle, affectionate and wise. In the same way, this feminine principle in a girl can fall asleep if her parents lull its development.

The problem of our time is that many families collapse in the first years of marriage. Children grow up without fathers, mothers do not always have time or can instill the necessary behavioral rules. And children, first of all, draw their psychological development from the family, regardless of whether it is full-fledged or not.

The girl, watching her mother, tries on her behavior for herself, and the boy tries to learn from his father’s behavior, if he exists. Growing up in different families, with different foundations and principles, the relationship between a man and a woman, seemingly loving each other, develops according to a given pattern of the parental family, which can be changed, but by mutual desire.

A fulfilling relationship is a partnership

You should view relationships as a means to walk through this world together. Like that saying goes: “Teamwork makes the dream work.” Both of you must make joint decisions. We need to support each other in good and bad times.

You must complement each other. Form a connection that no one but you and your partner can see. It's like a partnership with another person, where you both do your best to make the relationship work, putting in your fair share of commitment. Both of you need to strive for growth and development in the romantic aspect. But do not forget about preserving your individuality. To achieve this, there are several key elements that are necessary to create a strong foundation, a fulfilling and meaningful relationship.

10 films about the intricacies of modern relationships

We live in a time when relationships between people have acquired an absolutely fantastic character. More and more people are admitting to being gay, and some are even changing their gender. Young people preach open relationships without obligations, and respectable older people begin to meet each other on the Internet.

If our great-grandmothers were in our time, they would experience a fair shock. The best films about modern relationships perfectly illustrate how the world has changed.

Love and other drugs

Love and other drugs

Edward Zwick, who directed the epic war dramas “The Last Samurai” and “Blood Diamond,” decided to surprise the audience and unexpectedly directed the romantic comedy “Love and Other Medicines.” The main characters of this film are not burdened with moral principles; for them sex is just a pleasant pastime. Jamie changes girlfriends too often, and Maggie is already facing a serious illness, and she is in a hurry to enjoy the joys of life. But a frivolous romance can develop into something more. Friends with Benefits

Friends with Benefits

The heroes of another film about modern relationships acted even more radically. Having become good friends, the pretty brunette and the handsome guy agreed that they would have sex without starting a serious relationship. They viewed their bed romance simply as a shared hobby. However, no one is immune from love. Naked truth

Naked truth

Gerard Butler is nearly fifty years old and has never been married. And it looks like he’s not going to: this handsome and successful Scot is not deprived of female attention. A dangerous trend that our society is already thoroughly infected with! So Butler’s hero Mike from the comedy “The Naked Truth” does not want to commit himself to marriage vows. But he is a real seduction guru, and in a new television program he teaches ladies how to properly seduce men. His colleague Abby is horrified by Mike's methods and jokes, but she can't resist his charms. Men, women and children

Men, women and children

Free love without obligations is just one scourge of our days. Another, much more formidable, is the Internet. Director Jason Reitman decided to figure out what it is about him that attracts both teenagers and well-established individuals. Among the characters in his drama there are people dissatisfied with marital relationships, boys for whom video games are more important than reality, guys who are hooked on erotic sites and other people who cannot take a single step without the great and terrible network. The Passion of Don Juan

The Passion of Don Juan

As for sites with naked women, this dubious entertainment is the main thing in the life of John Martello. He is not at all a shy guy who is afraid to approach a girl, he has a good job, a lot of friends and interesting activities. And yet the erotic video became a drug for him - a terrible incident! This tragicomedy was invented and directed by Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and he also played poor fellow Martello. Carol

Carol

The film takes place in the 50s, but the relationships in it are shown to be completely modern, with the only difference that now no one would pay attention to these pair of lovers. And then, in puritanical New York in the middle of the last century, Carol could have lost her daughter in a divorce - and all because of the feelings that this beautiful, self-confident woman has for the young toy store saleswoman Teresa. And although their feelings are mutual, what will happen to these women next? The kids are okay

The kids are okay

But Nicky and Jules have nothing to fear. Their same-sex marriage is strong and strong, they have two lovely offspring - school graduate Joni and inquisitive teenager Leiser. However, the guy took it into his head to find who is his biological father. The task is difficult, but doable - and now Mark Ruffalo’s character is puzzled by the son who has fallen on his head. I'll never be yours

I'll never be yours

For some reason, for a very long time it was believed that if a man is older, then this is normal, but a difference in the other direction was not approved. Now these boundaries are being erased - older ladies look much better and are not shy about going out with young companions. True, the heroine of the film is still a little complex: a young actor began to court her, having gone through a divorce and raising a schoolgirl daughter. A funny film about a modern relationship between a guy and an older woman that makes you forget about the strange rules imposed by society. My best lover

My best lover

So the progressive psychotherapist Lisa assures her patient that the 14-year difference between Rafi and her new friend is mere nonsense. Moreover, David is assertive and is not going to give up. To hell with the complexes, Rafi decides and gives himself over to his feelings to the fullest. However, Lisa is destined to change her mind about this relationship, because it turns out that David is her son, and his own shirt is closer to his body. But no one can stop the raging feelings! Offer

Offer

This film brought a fleeting but vibrant romance to the leading actors, Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds. The plot of “The Proposal” is simple and fully corresponds to the spirit of our time: an elderly lady decided to marry a subordinate, but not out of great love, but out of calculation, because otherwise she would be sent to a remote Canadian branch. Was there any doubt that this couple would also find their happiness? April 13, 2020

What does a fulfilling relationship consist of?

Honesty

Honesty should definitely be practiced in all aspects of life, especially in romantic relationships. It is necessary to openly express your expectations towards your partner. Because it helps create real relationships. It is very helpful when both parties have regular heart-to-heart conversations. Express their own desires and preferences and what the relationship means to them.

It is important to find common ground that will become the basis of the alliance. Honesty involves being truthful, open, and sincere with your significant other. This is the basis of a strong foundation for a long-lasting relationship.

Showing sympathy

When two people form a meaningful relationship, feelings come into play. And, if you decide to enter into a relationship with someone, then you affirm that you are ready to let him into your life. To coexist peacefully with your other half, you need compassion and the desire to reach mutual understanding together, regardless of the situation.

Of course, in the course of building relationships, quarrels and misunderstandings are inevitable. But this can be sorted out if both sides are willing to compromise. And since the relationship is between two people, it is important that the couple can communicate effectively, express their thoughts, and solve any problems that may arise. Maintaining objectivity while resolving conflict through effective communication and compromise is a skill that needs to be developed.

Action

It is quite obvious that in order for something to work out, you must first make an effort. It is important to remember that love is not always roses, kisses, laughter and romance. And the idea that everything will go as usual is not correct. Active participation and commitment are essential in a relationship to take it in the right and productive direction.

Commitment is when you make a conscious decision to continue making efforts to renew the feelings and maintain the exciting relationship between you both, even after the honeymoon period is over. There are bound to be ups and downs in a relationship. And also exciting and boring times. However, people in love must find ways to work around them and take necessary measures to maintain a happy union.

What is working on relationships?

At the beginning of a relationship, many people think that everything will work out on its own. We simply enjoy what is and dream of what it will be. But then something happens, and for some reason “itself” doesn’t work out. Quarrels, resentments, and conflicts emerge out of nowhere. And sooner or later the moment comes when the “freebie” ends, and happiness requires our direct participation.

At this moment, I really want to decide that there is something wrong with my partner. What you chose is not what you chose. And there is also a wild temptation to become righteously angry, raise your hands to the sky and exclaim: “Why should I do something? Why not him!?” (both, both, relax. You just don’t see half of other people’s efforts or consider them nonsense). In addition, another sweet thought lurks in the bushes: working on the relationship... unilaterally. That is, come up with a million ways to bend your partner to you, to force him to be what you need.

But working on relationships is, first of all, working on yourself. This means stepping over your fears, over the desire to give up everything and start over with someone, and sometimes - spitting on your “pride”. Working on a relationship means every time fighting the temptation to take the path of least resistance, choosing your partner again and again. It is giving up fantasy in favor of reality.

Namely:

Admit that there is a problem.
There is a widespread belief that if you don’t talk about something, then it doesn’t exist. In practice, it happens differently: if you don’t talk about the problem, then it will hide somewhere in a corner, pretend that it has disappeared, and itself will gain strength, eat grievances and grow. And at the most inopportune moment, she will jump out and attack the relationship. And by that time it will be so huge that getting rid of it will be a million times more difficult than when it first appeared, when it was small and weak.

It's difficult to admit. After all, this means destroying the childhood fantasy of a relationship in which there are no quarrels and disagreements. Besides, voicing a problem is scary. What if he/she doesn’t hear, ignores you, or decides that you want too much? What if he leaves you altogether, since you are such a “problem” person, since it’s difficult to be with you?

Figure out what exactly the problem is. That is, to understand yourself.

And even more precisely, to understand exactly what need is not satisfied. And be able to explain exactly what you want your partner to do. Not “what not to do,” but “what to do.” Until you understand this yourself, don’t even think about being disappointed in your partner! “Bring me something, I don’t know what” is, excuse me, manipulation in the bad sense of the word. With this behavior you make your loved one feel like an idiot. And you don’t help him understand you, but simply mock him. If you don't know what you need, no one will.

An example about men: he wants to go to the left. You can follow this desire, or you can figure it out. That is, think about what causes such a desire? It will seem that it is connected with a specific neckline of a specific lady. The one with whom you want to change. But this is a deception of perception. This is the initial answer. And if you delve into the desire in more detail, you may find out that it is connected, for example, with the desire to conquer a new woman, just another one, and not the one you are used to. And the specific neckline has nothing to do with it. Or maybe I was tired of the monotony of sex. Well, from a purely technical point of view. Or it may turn out that all this is not about sex at all, but about admiration, which you cannot get from your lady.

An example about women: if you are tired of everyday life and predictability, this does not mean that you urgently need to find a lover. This means that you lack emotion and celebration, and you have ignored these important needs for too long.

Understanding yourself is difficult. Here again we have to give up the illusions that “if you need to work on a relationship, then it’s not a relationship” and “if this is my person, he will guess.” Yeah of course. Guess what we ourselves don’t know...

Explain your needs to your partner. Again and again.

Find a million words and ways to convey what is important to you. You speak, but he doesn’t understand? So, try again. And further. And further. In other words, with a different argument. And further. Ask your partner's friends - how to convey? Think about what is important to him. How can you use his values to reveal yours?

Have you said something a million times and are you afraid that he won’t hear you again? Talk about your fear! Just like this: “What I want to say is very important to me. This is my weak point. I entrust it to you. I’m very scared that you won’t hear, but I’ll still take the risk - for the sake of our relationship.” Or like this: “It is a great feat for me to say out loud what I am about to say. And I'm afraid of your reaction. So let's come to an agreement. If you want to react sharply in response, then just kiss me on the nose, okay?”

And one more thing: are you sure that you need to talk and not show? After all, men understand at the level of actions, while women understand at the level of words and emotions. She needs to talk about her feelings, and then she will hear. He needs to show it with his actions. Yes, this will be the real work - when you don’t want to explain the same thing 100 times, when you want to give up and label “he/she doesn’t understand me,” but you still try, still try.

And yes, there is an option that the person heard you and even understood the importance of what you were telling him, but he simply does not agree. Because he is different, and he has a different opinion. He is not a slave to stupidly fulfill your desires. He is also a person who can be asked or motivated, but not forced or forced. Therefore it is important...

Make sure you have done your 50% of the work. In every possible way.

If it seems that something is missing in a couple for complete happiness, then you can “turn on” your other half - do what will help your partner make you happy. That is, take responsibility for your happiness into your own hands. But to do this, you will have to give up another fantasy: that your partner is a source of happiness. And he is not the source. He's a tool. A knife is not a source of salad, it is a tool that needs to be picked up, sharpened, cut, and then you will have a salad.

Working on a relationship is when you are sick of him and disgusted to sit next to him, but you are thinking about how to correct the situation while remaining in a couple. Lost sexual desire? The simple way is to conclude that a partner is not suitable for you, and immediately find another for this task. But there is a difficult path. That is, understand, firstly, what he should be like for you to want him, and, secondly, figure out how to create this state for him. The one that turns you on.

Continuation of the example about men: what to do if, for example, you want something new? Realize that since there is not enough novelty, you need to do something to rediscover yours. Maybe repaint her or change her clothes, maybe send her to personal growth courses (a 100% different one will come), maybe do something together with her that will take your breath away - that is, experience new thrills. Together. Or maybe you won’t be around for a while so you can get bored.

A million such questions are generally solved by Google. If you don't want a routine, don't be a routine. Do something you haven't done before.

Continuation of the example about women: does the husband seem lethargic, passive and lacking initiative, and instead of respect and interest causes a difficult-to-control desire to kick him? Great! This means you know exactly what is missing - his activity and manifestation of strength. It's time for the most relational work: creating conditions under which he can demonstrate these qualities. Understanding what exactly is needed and giving him the opportunity to be so is your 50% of the work.

Deciding that “this is not my person” without trying all possible options means dragging the same problem into a new relationship. In this case, the “problem” is not a specific partner with whom “something is wrong,” but your reluctance to strain yourself. It's okay, they live with it. And maybe even for a long time. But not happily.

So, let's summarize the diagram:

Understand what exactly is missing.
Explain to your partner.
Then make sure that you tried to explain in every possible and impossible way.
Do your half first.
Then make sure you try all the options.
And only then blame your partner.
But it’s better to make sure again.
In all of the above.

Remember that a partner is a mirror.

... and, as they say, there is no point in blaming him if the plastic surgeon has already waited for you. What I mean is that we often transfer problems from other areas of life into relationships.

For example, women love to complain that their husbands pay little attention. Are you sure this is a question for him at all? Look at your life. Maybe your need for communication is not satisfied? How many girlfriends, friends, colleagues do you have with whom you want to spend the evenings? Those people whom you can call close? If there are none or not enough, then you can easily demand from your husband something that he rightly does not want to take on. Because not a single person in the world is able to satisfy absolutely all our desires. And sometimes we need others. Like the Northerner: “You cannot replace the world, but it cannot replace you either.”

And if it seems to you, for example, that your husband does not respect you, this could easily be due to the fact that you do not respect yourself. Don’t be lazy - write a list of things for which you can be respected. And then write another list: how do you show respect for yourself?

Of course, this also applies to men. Do you think your wife wants too much? Maybe this is due to your lack of confidence in your abilities and your success. It simply shows your inner state. In this case, the wife is a litmus test and nothing more. Refusing a couple is a tempting option, but the feeling of failure will not go away. You can direct your energy to arguing with your wife, or you can focus on new achievements at work. Choose.

Blaming your partner is always more pleasant than admitting your failure. After all, choosing the latter means a painful blow to your self-esteem. This is especially difficult for men.

Refuse labels.

That is, getting to know your partner again.

So you decided after 10 years of marriage that “he’s like that and that’s all.” For example, that he is a sofa bore who only wants to eat and sleep. And you live with this idea of him. But don’t think about it, this idea didn’t just come to mind—it’s based on experience. On many, many unsuccessful attempts to get him out somewhere. And then suddenly you realized that you couldn’t live like this anymore, that it was time to get out of the kennel. And they decided that such a person would not suit you for this task. Because “you already know him”, this book has already been read and re-read.

This is the very moment to recognize him again. Labels are dangerous because, believing in this image, we do not notice how our partner is changing. And it changes every day. New impressions and new thoughts wear away our personality like water wears away a stone—slowly. So slowly that it’s easy not to notice. Your perception is ossified and behind the times. It works like that for everyone.

Have you ever tried to remember the shade of a color? Well, for example, you have curtains hanging, and you want to match them with pillows for the sofa. That is, you need to remember the color of the curtains, go to the store and find the same pillows. It won't work! Be sure to miss the mark with the shade. This happens because our brain does not “remember” the shade, but finds the closest one to it in the catalog of “already familiar” ones. He tries to fit what is already known. It's the same with relationships. Every now and then we fall into traps called “I already know him/her” and “yes, I’ve already tried a million times, nothing works.”

You don't know because personality changes happen every day. You just don't want to notice them.

You tried, but not everything. And certainly not a million times.

We lack persistence and ingenuity. Mental laziness prevents you from working on yourself and relationships. And the older we get, the longer we are together, the greater our chance of falling into the trap of ossification.

Happy forever

Thus, falling in love and deciding to create a fulfilling relationship is something beautiful and magical at the same time. It's like an exciting adventure with another person who you know will be there for you through thick and thin. Remember that love is “a journey” that you should enjoy and get happiness and joy from being loved and loved.

What do you think is the most important element in a successful relationship?

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Games people play: extremes of couple relationships

Does it make sense to go so far if the path is fraught with such difficulties? Of course.

After all, this is exactly what you want - a strong, close, happy relationship.

The first step towards finding them is to learn to recognize the main extremes to which relationships reach, and not turn into these dead-end paths.

Game one: daughters and mothers

The psychology of relationships between a man and a woman is of particular interest to the weaker sex.

Women strive to learn their weaknesses and typical mistakes, correct methods of behavior and everything about how to make a man happy; how to become that woman “whom people don’t leave.”

Very often this ends with the woman becoming an ideal wife and mother.

And it really works: why should a man go somewhere if at home he always feeds you well, warms you up, listens to you and takes care of you?

Don't try to be a mother to your spouse every second.

Being carried away by this game, a woman begins to play the role of a mother for the whole family, including her husband (or beloved).

Very often, the next stage of the game is also to “capture” the leading role in the couple: relaxed by the attention, the man himself gives the reins to his other half and stops deciding anything.

As a result, everyone is unhappy: the woman is surprised and angry at her man for his lack of initiative and laziness, and the man feels constant guilt and irritation for his inaction.

Avoiding immersion in “mothers and daughters” is quite simple:

Don't take on everything. Give your partner the opportunity to express himself, help you and make his contribution to the relationship - after all, it only makes sense with mutual efforts.
Watch what meaning you attach to everyday life. If he comes first, it’s time to take a closer look - aren’t you starting to be a caring “mother”?
Don't forget about sex. In couples where partners play “mother-daughter”, attraction almost disappears. Maintain mutual passion and romance. Well, if she wasn’t there from the very beginning, think about it - is this the right person next to you?

Advice: don’t think that only ladies indulge in the “typically feminine” game. There are also a lot of men who like to go to this extreme.

Game two: Barbie and Ken

Modern popular culture constantly reminds us of what “real” ladies and gentlemen should be and do.

In real life, playing Barbie and Ken is also doomed to failure.

The deep psychology of the relationship between a man and a woman turns into a set of functions; there is no room left for weaknesses.

Male lovers and “real women” come onto the stage - the main characters of the game of fairy-tale doll life.

A long-term relationship with any of these partners is doomed.

Macho men generally try to stay away from commitments, preferring an easy bachelor life, easy pleasures and plenty of time for themselves.

Barbie women put pressure on their partner with countless demands, giving nothing in return.

In essence, this is an extreme degree of selfishness in a couple.

And this is how you can recognize and stop the development of this scenario in your relationship. Remember that no one owes anyone anything.

Relationships are a union of equal people, otherwise they don’t work.

Advice: the most reliable way to avoid playing perfect people is to not get involved in relationships with them in the first place. Extreme selfishness is ineradicable, and do not flatter yourself with the hope that you will be able to change your partner.

For a relationship to be strong, you need to work on it.

Game three: emotional attraction

Passion in a couple is wonderful.

But when scandals are interspersed with icy alienation, it gives way to bouts of tenderness, followed by scorching intimacy - and again a scandal, the relationship turns into a roller coaster.

No stability, no reliability and no relaxation next to another person - just constant tension in anticipation of the next rise or fall.

As in the previous case, the main reason is the selfishness of the partners.

It doesn’t matter whether they are trying to manipulate you using emotions or just following their own impulses, one thing is clear: your partner does not care about your feelings.

But you can’t build relationships with this approach - in the end, both participants in the emotional attraction remain exhausted, devastated and endlessly angry with each other.

Tip: Never use emotional manipulation to get anything from your partner. A conversation or a direct request will give a much better effect.

How to build a strong and happy relationship: 10+ life hacks for couples