What is revenge, and how do we understand that they are taking revenge on us?

Maria Tagina July 15, 2020

The stereotype that an abandoned and offended girl is the worst thing that can happen in the life of any man certainly exists. However, some guys often step down the slippery slope of revenge. But that’s not about that now. We decided to tell you why some women dream of taking revenge on their ex, how ex-boyfriends should react to this, and whether it is possible to remain friends after a breakup.

If we put aside all the movie prototypes of relationships, then every person, most likely, has ever experienced difficulties in a relationship with their partner. And sometimes these difficulties led to separation. This means that such a person faced psychological difficulties.

And according to the already established opinion, men cope better with such situations (there are, of course, exceptions). And here it’s not even a matter of someone loving more. Male and female natures are involved here.

Imagination

It's no secret that girls love to dream. And sometimes they are able to fantasize something that has nothing to do with reality. And when all these castles in the air collapse, naturally, a defensive reaction is triggered. It can develop either into aggression towards her ex, or into the drama of her entire life - well, or the next few months. But these “rose-colored glasses” are partly the fault of the man who did not give the girl a clear picture of reality.

I take revenge and my revenge is terrible - but is it necessary to take revenge for insult and evil?

“If you sit on the bank of a river for a long time, you can see the corpse of your enemy floating along it.” "The Art of War" by Sun Tzu

Indeed, wanting to take revenge on someone for insult and evil, or to avenge betrayal, we seem to be on the warpath. Thoughts are overcome by only one goal - to hurt a person, to make him suffer in the same way as you suffered because of his words or actions. Everything else fades into the background. REVENGE for the insult and evil inflicted comes first...

I won’t lie, I also had such thoughts when breaking up with “the men of my dreams.” My head was spinning: “How could he! Who is he anyway!” I wanted to make this person suffer, to make him feel bad. Immediately, crazy ideas ripened on how this could be brought to life. The brain generated insidious plans to make the offender suffer.

A dangerous condition indeed. The desire to take revenge for betrayal, or for insult and evil, settles inside you, like a weed, enveloping your thoughts, soul and preventing you from thinking about anything else. You become obsessed. Revenge becomes the main goal that leads you along the path of life.

Fortunately, for me such outbursts of anger pass the very next day and “Barbarossa’s plans” crumble like a house of cards. Having gotten some sleep and putting my thoughts in order, I understand that it is not a solution to take revenge for an insult.

Don’t think painfully about the fact that you are no longer together, perhaps the advice in the article “How to survive a breakup with your loved one?” will help you.

If we consider the relationship between a man and a woman, then exactly why do we want retribution? Because our opponent decided to break up with us? But without smoke there is no fire. So you are not two halves who are destined to be together. This means that in some way you are not suitable for each other.

And in order to understand men and know which one is right for you, I advise you to read Rashid Kirranov’s article “How to understand a man. Or the psychology of men is similar to the psychology of dogs.”

If the matter is betrayal, it turns out that the person found in another woman those qualities that are not in you. But that doesn't mean you're bad. Another man will appreciate them and will appreciate them, but this one... means it’s simply not yours. Of course, this is difficult to understand and accept at first. It will be useful to read the book by R. Kirranov “The Most Intimate Men’s Secrets and Secrets”

Sober thoughts come to a cool head. And when we are indignant, angry, we are controlled only by resentment, which whispers in our ears: “This cannot be left like this, we must take revenge on him!”

How important it is not to listen to this deceptive, lying voice. How important it is to suppress it in the bud, before it develops into an obsession - to get even with the offender, so that he remembers for a long time. Why is this so important? Let's fast forward to the future and see an approximate scenario of how events will unfold if you are determined to take revenge.

So, you know the character of a person, his weak points, so drawing up a diagram of how to hurt him is not difficult in principle... theoretically. Next, you need to think through strategy and maneuvers. You are racking your brains to figure out how to put all your theory into practice. How to catch him, what trap to set, how to scold him with a new passion (if the reason is a rival) or how to destroy his career, cause moral or material damage. Everything else doesn't bother you. Your own work, friends, family become an episode in your life. Its main character is the offender and the desire to crush him, grind him into powder. You can’t even have fun normally, because this nasty worm sits in your head and eats you from the inside, saturates you with poison.

And now you achieve your goal. The revenge plan is realized. The person who hurt you suffers just like you once did. What happens to your soul at that moment? Has she calmed down? Are you happy? But to really find harmony with yourself, I recommend reading Anastasia Gai’s book Don’t Fly with Elephants, or The Principles of Happiness.”

As a rule, a person who is deprived of a goal in life, and revenge has become the goal for some time, feels empty. What's next?

But you have missed so many things in life: joyful, pleasant, good-natured. While you walked through the streets with a fiery gaze. Perhaps the very person with whom you would be happy passed by. But you didn’t notice him because you were busy with something else: taking revenge. Or he was afraid of your furious gaze and vibes that radiate evil.

If this is not for you, then it will be useful for you to read “A few ideas on where to meet men for a serious relationship.”

Revenge for insult and evil has never, ever brought satisfaction. This has been filmed hundreds of times and is proven in real life. And don’t forget about this point: who do you think you are? Who gives you the right to decide the fate of another person by punishing him for his actions? This is not your prerogative. Of course, situations are different, and sometimes the offender really deserves punishment. But! Not at your suggestion.

In life, everything really happens according to the boomerang effect and life itself knows when to reward and when to punish. In a year, two, or maybe ten, or even at the end of life, but a person gets what he deserves. After all, it’s not for nothing that Hindus are so worried about their karma, there’s something in it . A bad deed gives rise to punishment, but in what form it will be and when, it’s not you and me who decide...

No matter how a person offends you, let him go - mentally, spiritually. This is sometimes very difficult. He will get his way, believe me. But let your hands, figuratively speaking, not be stained with someone else’s blood, let them remain clean.

Simply remove it from your memory and erase it from your life. Your roads are different. Perhaps this particular situation was projected by someone from above to teach you something. So that you don't make such mistakes in the future. After all, nothing happens just like that, both good and bad. This was needed for something. The main thing is to be able to see the essence in this situation, learn a lesson from it and move on with your life. (photo 6) Read about how obstacles are a step towards something better in Anastasia Gai’s article “ Any problem is just a hidden opportunity .”

This applies not only to men and women. Sometimes friends and colleagues betray you, and it hurts even more when relatives do it. At first you think: how to live with this further, how to believe, when the people you trusted more than themselves did this to you? Yes, it hurts. Inexplicable. Unjustified. But don't turn your life into a race for retribution. Everyone has their own judge. And if sometimes it seems to us that a lot of things happen unfairly in life, and only you yourself can achieve justice, this is a wrong opinion.

And you should not adhere to the opinion that revenge for insult and evil is a dish that is served cold. This is a dish that doesn't need to be cooked at all. It is poisoned for yourself.

Among the constructive methods to distract yourself from thoughts of revenge, you can advise, for example, to completely occupy yourself with something. When a person is busy, it is more difficult for bad thoughts to enter the head. Some people overload themselves with work, some prefer to give up and go on a short trip to change the situation, while others increase physical activity - this also helps get rid of internal negativity.

It will also be very useful to read Anastasia Gai’s article “How to get a taste for life.”

Don't replay the situation in your head over and over again. Why did it happen? What did I do wrong? What would happen if... That's it. Stop. Have you drawn any conclusions? Done! Not a word more about this situation. Otherwise, it can develop into paranoia, which can have a negative impact on self-esteem, and then it’s not far from depression and apathy.

And remember, when taking revenge, you are not only preparing a trap for your offender. But also for myself. You have to part with the past, let it go and not look back, otherwise there may be no future...

Article protected by copyright and related rights. When using or reprinting material, an active link to the women's website sun-hands.ru is required! Mila Alexandrova

Self-esteem

Not all girls are easily ready to switch to the “single” status, because being with a man is psychologically calmer (we are not talking about toxic relationships, tyranny and abuse). And as soon as a woman realizes that there is no shoulder to cry on, and the wall behind which she felt safe has disappeared, the development of a “revenge plan” begins. Because “well, how could he leave me so wonderful! I was everything to him! I gave the best years of my life to a relationship with him!”

How to take revenge correctly?

If the decision is made, tactics are developed and an opportune moment is waited.

According to the Italian proverb, revenge must be taken with a cool head.

There are many options, but they are divided into three general groups:

• Passive.
• Active.
• Aggressive.

Everyone is good in their own way and always achieves what they want.

Advice! To achieve your goal, be patient and learn to wait. It is better to strike when the offender thinks that everything is forgotten and he is forgiven.

To properly take revenge, you need to be ready to take action, but before implementing the plan, you should answer the following questions:

1. You were offended, but does an ordinary person have the right to accept the mission of a judge, committing lynching?
2. Analyze who, besides the offender, will suffer from your actions, and whether you are ready for such consequences.
3. Do you intend to maintain a relationship with the offender in the future?
4. Do you want to do everything quietly, remaining incognito, or do you want loud publicity?
5. You can handle it on your own or you will have to resort to the help of third parties.

If the person who offended you is a close friend, beloved brother or sister, parents, wife, husband or other person dear to your heart.

Then you should give up revenge, limiting yourself to an angry letter expressing pain from resentment.

Then re-read what you wrote several times and, tearing it into small pieces, forget and forgive.

The best way to take revenge is to become happy, despite everything, to achieve success on the career ladder and financial independence.

Then the feeling of disappointment and envy experienced by the offender in connection with your success will be a hundred times stronger than from revenge.

The table shows similar examples:

In the desire for revenge, it is important to maintain a reasonable line and not harm yourself by wanting to punish:

• Employees and colleagues who have annoyed you at work.
• A teacher at school who dislikes the child and torments him with nagging.
• The landlord of an apartment who inflates the previously established payment.
• Neighbors above for noise and stomping, etc.

The use of gross physical violence, slander and insults should be strictly avoided.

Such actions directed in the opposite direction will bring new problems. The revenge plan should be simple and elegant.

In the desire to take revenge, one must study in detail the weaknesses and strengths of the offender, interests, fears and strike using the acquired knowledge.

How to respond to your ex's revenge

No way. And this is truly the best answer. If you really decided to put an end to it, and the conversations did not lead to anything good, then you should ignore it. Yes, at first it will be terribly annoying for your ex. And perhaps it will provoke a new wave of action. But as soon as she sees that you do not want to play by her rules, the ardor will subside and over time you will be able to adapt to life separately from each other. The main thing to remember is that the best tool for resolving any conflict is the word. And who, if not you, should know what levers to use. And if you don't know your ex-girlfriend that well, just be a man. And respond to all vindictive operations with dignity.

How not to harm yourself?

Revenge, like a worm, eats from the inside, devastating a person. It is not for nothing that any religion warns against accumulating grievances and deliberately causing harm to another.

But there are times when the desire for revenge cannot be controlled.

In such situations, the following tips will help you protect yourself:

1. Don’t give in to the first bloodthirsty desire, cool down and think through your actions, don’t be afraid to experiment.
2. Slowly set traps, but do not appear in the action arena in advance, remaining incognito.
3. Be confident, hold your head up proudly, and do not attract attention with empty complaints, threats and insults.
4. Act gradually, in small steps.
5. Get to know the enemy's surroundings better, establish good relationships with his relatives and friends.
6. If the anger persists, do nothing, wait until the emotions subside.

Remember, revenge is the last resort that can destroy not only the enemy’s life, but also your own. If there is an opportunity to solve the problem in another way, use it.

Be judicious and careful, if you fail, the enemies will become stronger, and you will be left with new pain and disappointment.

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Is it possible to remain friends after a breakup?

Of course you can. After all, every relationship is a purely individual matter. And if you feel comfortable with a person, even if not at the level of lovers, then why not stay on good friendly terms with him. The main thing is that both come to this decision. And to do this, after breaking up, you need to carefully discuss your relationship further.

“What should I do if she wants to date, and I just want to be friends?” - you ask. We answer, the situation is complicated. But solvable. To do this, just talk. This is the most important thing in any relationship. Don't forget about this, and then 60% of conflicts can be resolved much more peacefully.

Comments

What is revenge?

Revenge, according to the definition of psychologists, is a pre-planned response action aimed at causing moral or physical damage to the person who previously caused harm.

Taking revenge on the offender or forgiving is the moral right of any person. But having free will, you will have to be responsible for the consequences that arise.

Therefore, you need to take revenge wisely, without surrendering to power:

• Pain.
• Grievances.
• Anger and other feelings and emotions.

The desire for revenge arises when a person has been hurt and mentally wounded, so he must give a proper response to the enemy in order to achieve justice.

But when the pain subsides and common sense wins, the desire to punish the culprit of mental torment fades and dissolves.

But if, after a certain period of time, the thirst for revenge remains, it is necessary to plan specific actions and gradually implement them.

Test: will it succeed?

We have prepared a special test so that you can find out whether you can adequately take revenge on a guy for his betrayal or not. Answer honestly so that the result comes out accurate.

1. Do you know how to plan ten to twenty steps ahead, seeing the end result?

2. Do you consider yourself a confident girl?

3. If you really like a man, but he has a girlfriend, a wife, you:

4. What would you do if you had $1,000,000,000?

5. Are there men around you who sympathize with you?

6. Have there been any betrayals on your part?

7. Do you love money?

8. Do you finish what you started?

9. You saw your ex walking with someone else in his arms. Your reaction:

10. What do you pour your anger into?

If you have any questions, write them in the comments. We wish you all the best!

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Is it possible to punish a negligent husband with revenge?

The effectiveness of revenge directly depends on what the wife did and what the husband thinks about their future family life. If he is not in the mood to part with his wife and strongly repents of his betrayal, his feeling of guilt may well become a kind of revenge for the insult.

If the wife decided to punish her husband by finding a lover, by spreading negative rumors about her spouse or damaging property, then this will not only not be good revenge, but will also convince the man that he did the right thing. Against the background of an aggressive and angry wife, the new passion will seem kind and affectionate.

I also think that throwing a man out of the house is not the most correct option. You should not give your spouse an additional reason for cheating. Moving away from his wife will not only not punish the man, but will also provide an opportunity to see his mistress more often.