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Accept as an invaluable gift short prayers for terrible ailments, which include anger, hatred, resentment and malice.
Without noticing it ourselves, we become angry, offended by those closest to us and terribly hating our worst enemies.
We try to justify ourselves with quotes from misconceptions, other religions and scriptures, where “an eye for an eye” is considered a good decision.
In holy Orthodoxy, the Lord God commands us to forgive our enemies, let go of grievances, and not waste our anger on those next to us.
For these sorrows, the soul becomes callous, and hatred fills every cell.
To cope with such ailments, it is necessary to periodically read special prayers, not necessarily addressed to the Lord God.
They can be addressed to Blessed Matrona, Nicholas the Wonderworker and the Most Holy Theotokos.
When you feel anger, overwhelming hatred or malice, at the most appropriate time, retire to a locked room to read these short prayers.
Light at least one candle. If you have holy water, fill the cup. Place any available icons nearby.
Calm down a little and begin to slowly pray.
Prayer for resentment.
,,Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God. Deliver me from resentment towards my neighbor by order of the Most High God. Let it be so. Amen."
Cross yourself heartily and drink holy water.
Prayer for anger.
,,Wonderworker Nikolai, calm down my exorbitant anger, clear the wrong road. Thy will be done. Amen."
Prayer for anger.
,,Wonderworker Nicholas, pacify my anger and attack, do not let me fall into sin. Thy will be done. Amen."
Prayer for hatred.
,,Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God. Forgive me for the hatred that strikes me, cleanse my aching soul from anger. Save me from hellish shackles. And now, and forever, and forever and ever. Amen."
Reading these short prayers will not take you much time.
At the command of the Lord God, anger will subside, resentment will be dissipated, and evil hatred will be replaced by generosity.
Prayer for forgiveness of enemies.
When things get especially difficult for us, we turn to God for help. And it is not at all necessary to know certain prayers here. We can express in our own words what lies like a stone in our soul and ask for salvation from the Almighty. The answer to the question of how to forgive an offense and let go is clear. We need to open and read the Bible more often, and follow the commandments given in it. The Lord teaches us that we must love our neighbor as ourselves, no matter what, that we must forgive our enemies, no matter what offense they inflict on us. This is necessary first of all for the offended person himself.
A prayer with which you can turn to God could be like this:
“Lord, our father, I ask you, give me strength to forgive the people who have offended me. You, O Merciful One, taught us: “Love your enemies. Bless everyone who curses you. Do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who offend and persecute you.” Give me the spiritual strength to forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing. Help me to be reconciled with those who have offended me in my soul. Let me find the joy of forgiveness."
You need to repeat this every day. And then you will no longer have questions about how to forgive an offense. Prayer saves you from empty worries and worries.
How to forgive your loved one and let go?
How many tears are shed when love leaves! It’s very difficult after something like this to forget the betrayal of your significant other and start life anew. It is especially difficult for women in such situations. These tips will teach them how to forgive a man for his offense, let him go and start life from scratch:
• give him all his things, remove all photographs together so that nothing reminds you of him;
• take two weeks off and fly to warm countries to relax;
• try not to isolate yourself, go to the movies, cafes, clubs, somewhere where there are a lot of people, where life is in full swing;
• call your best friend for help, talk to her, cry, you will immediately feel better;
• write on a piece of paper all the shortcomings of your ex-lover, remembering all the bad things that are associated with him, tear the piece of paper and mentally say goodbye to this “scoundrel”.
source https://100molitv.ru/, https://www.syl.ru/
The Jizn
Resentment is a destructive emotion. Resentment is stopped, “packed” anger. If so, then everything on the face and body will be tense.
If you look at yourself in the mirror at the moment of offense, you will see a stony face, lips compressed into a tight thread, an upturned chin and tears in your eyes.
Resentment suffocates, grabs you by the throat, rolls up in a lump, does not allow you to breathe, and tightens your chest like a steel ring. My head is spinning; on the one hand, there is a feeling of complete loss from reality, and on the other, it covers you with a cap - sounds are hard to hear, words are barely distinguishable, faces are blurred.
A sharp pain tingles in my chest, as if from a knife thrust into the very heart.
A feeling of bitterness, annoyance, a deep undeserved insult.
And as a response to this insult - a lightning-fast decision - “be proud.” The face freezes in an arrogant wax mask.
The whole shell slammed shut. A blind defense began.
Resentment is a reaction to “not love.”
To the thought that I am not loved, not valued, not respected, “I mean nothing to him.”
Facts are not needed for resentment; suspicions of unlove are enough.
Resentment requires that someone on the other end is in the wrong and feels guilty about it.” If I’m offended, then it’s his fault.” Even if the second one is not guilty of anything, he will, willy-nilly, begin to experience guilt simply according to the law of polarities, as it is inherent in our nature.
Once upon a time, resentment allowed girls to manipulate gentlemen and receive confirmation of their love and their value to them. In response to the upturned nose and pouting lips, the gentleman had to sharply think about what he was wrong about and fall to his knees with a bouquet of flowers and a cute present. The concept of “female pride” simply nurtured resentment for any little reason. And if the reason was serious, a self-respecting woman should have been seriously offended and proud to the end.
The constantly offended, capricious and demanding young lady has remained the ideal of correct female behavior for many years.
By the way, men are also not averse to being proud and vindictive. They have more rights to show aggression, so if a man is offended (read insulted), “then a normal man won’t just leave it like that.”
What is resentment?
This is a reaction to not love. Being offended, a person tells loved ones that “this can’t happen to me, I don’t feel loved.” The resentment is suffocating at the thought that someone has the audacity not to love me, not to value me and not to value me. Someone dared to do something that called into question my absolute worth.
"How so?!"
If you go deeper into resentment, you will experience the pain of a helpless, abandoned, unloved child. A little girl on a big noisy street full of dressed up people rushing to see their children for Christmas. She sits in the snow, leaning her back against a stone wall, holding matches in her hands. And only God can share her loneliness. It is to him that she rushes into his arms. Andersen conveyed this image well in his “The Little Match Girl.”
In the language of the psyche, the way out of this abandonment and lack of love is death, direct or symbolic - numbness, freezing, mortification, insensitivity of the soul.
“From now on, nothing will touch me anymore. I stop feeling. And your dislike will no longer be able to hurt me.”
An offended person, at the very core of his suffering, experiences the pain of an unfortunate abandoned child. He is waiting for someone to fill him with their love, warm his frozen hands and revive his soul. This is the pain of a child who, for some reason, did not receive this unconditional and all-filling parental love in childhood.
This pain can flare up every time like a match from any suspicion of not being in love, so that the second one can prove to me that I am loved and finally fill my soul, give me what my parents could not give.
But this is impossible. No one can fill this void. There will always be little. People push children, animals, things and loved ones into this spiritual abyss, but it still gapes. Forcing you to play out the same scenario every time.
Resentment becomes a habitual defensive reaction and is triggered by any attempt at a sincere conversation. I know a woman who could not have a heart-to-heart conversation with her husband for more than ten years. Every time she tried to say something - be it the topic of lack of money or his inattention to her - tears choked her so much that she could not utter a word. Conversations turned into sheer agony and were always accompanied by countless streams of tears.
“I’m ashamed to ask you” - another facet of resentment
Resentment is the reaction of a person who does not know how to ask for love. We all need love. Recognizing your neediness, weakness and need for love and care, and asking for it is very difficult. Because rarely does anyone have the right to be weak. Not everyone is allowed to be weak and needy. Often a family raises a child in such a way that the only thing that gives the right to weakness is illness. And people are unconsciously forced to use this trick to give themselves the opportunity to rest and ask for care.
From time immemorial, our culture has considered weakness unacceptable, glorifying self-denial and heroism in fairy tales and legends:
A small child, whom his mother left alone and went away, will choke for a long time from crying in his crib. Then he will calm down and fall asleep. No, he won't calm down. Part of his soul will simply die. In his mind, his mother abandoned him and will never return. This pain of an abandoned child, especially repeated many times in childhood, will make an adult person become very sensitive to the danger of losing love.
For the child, there is only him and his needs, he cannot understand that the mother went on her important business, that she was in the bathroom or she felt bad, or she left for five minutes and was detained. For a child, there is only him, his need for love and his grief that this love is not there when he needs it so much.
Adults, after many many years, behave the same way as this child. For them there is only their need for love and their pain if this love is not given. It is very difficult for them to realize that another person has needs that are different from theirs. “If you love me, be kind enough to give me what I need! And immediately!” They are sincerely offended when another does not give and does not satisfy their needs. This resentment covers you with burning pain and tears your heart, not allowing you to breathe.
It is very difficult for a person with a scar in his soul to take into account the needs of other people and express his own.
He expects the world, like his mother, to figure out what he needs and give him everything. And if someone, especially a close one, does not do this, then the old pain and resentment will cover you headlong. Remaining an “offended child,” a person is fixated on himself. He is covered in his childhood wounds.
A different person, he's... different. He has his own thoughts, his own feelings, his own ideas about himself and his life, his own plans and his own needs. His purpose is not to make you happy (yes, not that!) He lives his life and lives it as best he can. It’s sad to say, but your beloved man will never be able to become your loving dad, give you all the tenderness and unconditional love, admiration and adoration that dads give to little girls (those of them who are lucky).
A woman cannot replace her mother and love as unconditionally as she does. If she puts her whole life on the altar of love and lives only for you, then this love has a name - psychological dependence.
Filling the hole in your soul with another person is the dream of many disadvantaged people.
Stuff love, devotion, recognition, adoration and understanding of your unconditional value there - thereby restoring balance.
Feeling inside an ongoing hunger for love and at the same time understanding that the other person has his own life, his own story, his own needs, opportunities and desires; and this other person may not be physically able to give the love that is so needed, he has the right and choice, his own decisions - to give or not to give; and this decision is always his, and at the same time not being offended is not very easy.
Especially if being offended for any reason and hiding in your tightly compressed shell is a habitual and long-term way of protecting yourself from pain.
Unclenching your shell, sticking your head out and talking about yourself, about pain, about needs, about desires and trying to hear not only yourself but also others in all this is hellish work. Allow yourself to express your emotions, acknowledge your pain. Then it is easier to see the pain of another, to recognize his right to this pain.
Author: Yulia Gennadievna Bazyleva
resentment relationships psychology
