- Recoil...
- Cosmic jealousy
Chapter 8. Why revenge is dangerous
So, you've done it! You have taken revenge! Your husband's BMW has granulated sugar in its gas tank, his email signatures include a link to a porn site with disabled actors, and his mother is currently watching footage of him kissing some man at a drunken party. You feel better. You treated this bastard the way he deserved, and now you sat down on the sofa with a bag of chips or a green apple, intending to watch a movie and generally move on with your life happily. You look forward with optimism and are ready to think about a variety of options for the development of events.
Recoil...
But doubts creep into your head. Was it necessary to do this? Will the consequences of what you did affect you? Has this affected your karma? And if so, how much?
Cleansing Fire
One cheated guy got drunk and convinced his friend to help him break into his ex-girlfriend's house and burn her bed in revenge for her cheating on him. She was lucky that she was not in the city at that moment. Two friends were caught in the act and sent to prison for several years on charges of arson.
What was the result of your revenge? You ripped the seams on his clothes and his pants burst right in the middle of the bar? It was unpleasant for him, as expected. But then a stunning blonde came to his aid, and this was no longer part of the script. Here are a few stories about how revenge did not end as planned. There are some lessons to be learned from this.
Measure the scale
If you decide to take revenge, find out how influential the person you want to take revenge is. Jennifer Lopez's ex-husband Ojani Noah tried to write a book about his life with her, but Lopez was able to prevent this endeavor by sending her lawyers to Ojani. Moreover, Ojani even had to fork out money himself and pay a fine for violating the non-disclosure agreement he signed.
The Dangers of Surveillance
Be careful if you try to follow your hubby. One woman lay under her husband's car outside the house where he was spending time with his alleged mistress. But, as often happens in ambushes, she fell asleep and woke up when someone started letting air out of the tires. Fortunately, a passer-by ran up to her screams and pulled her out from under the car safe and sound. Naturally, after this incident, her marriage also fizzled out. But the strangest thing is that no one knows who (and why) needed to deflate the tires.
Computer skills
Another woman was determined to ruin her ex's new marriage and, to that end, created fake "new wife" accounts on various adult websites. When strangers started calling her with indecent offers (her phone number was listed and a photo of her student days was posted), her husband did a little research, which led him to his ex-wife, with whom he broke up several years ago. She was charged with invasion of privacy and released on $2,500 bail.
Cosmic jealousy
Astronaut Lisa Novak went crazy when she learned that her lover, shuttle pilot Bill Ufelein, was having an affair with another colleague, Colleen Shipman, on the International Space Station. Novak took the issue seriously: she got into the car and drove halfway across the country to Shipman’s home. It's important to note here that Novak had been married for 19 years and was the mother of three children, so her behavior is even more surprising. She put on special diapers so she wouldn't have to stop along the way, and took with her everything she needed, namely a knife, an air rifle (she clearly planned to shoot someone), a hammer, garbage bags, a wig, a raincoat and pepper spray. Novak, wearing a wig and cape, reportedly approached Shipman as she was getting into her car and sprayed the can into her car, but she was able to drive away and called the police. As a result, Novak was accused of attempted kidnapping and robbery. The most amazing thing is that all three participants were astronauts - such situations should not have arisen among them at all, and psychologists were obliged to weed out the participants in this drama at the early stages of selection as mentally unbalanced. The woman’s insane determination to get rid of her rival by any means is also striking.
Director Agnieszka Holland shared her thoughts on revenge:
“Personally, I believe that revenge has no justification. I think revenge always comes back like a boomerang and hurts you the same way you tried to hurt others.
I remember one summer, when my friends and I were 15–16 years old, we were hitchhiking around Poland. We walked along some dirt road, hoping that someone would pick us up, but not a single car stopped. At some point we saw a huge truck, in the cabin of which there were no passengers. We waved to the driver to take us, but he drove past and, moreover, began to show us all sorts of indecent gestures. In retaliation, I sucked in my cheeks and crossed my arms over my chest, depicting a skull and crossbones and thereby cursing him. Half an hour later a car finally picked us up. And soon we saw this truck. It went off the road and overturned, with the driver lying dead next to it. What I saw gave me goosebumps, and I felt partly responsible for his death.
Many years later, I repeated the same gesture to a young woman producer who ruined one of my films. Shortly after this quarrel, she died of cancer. And then I forever forbade myself to think about curses and revenge.
When men hurt me or betrayed me, I always tried to understand them, and instead of taking revenge, I rather treated their actions with indifference or even understanding.
When starting to work on the film “Washington Square,” I watched the previous version of the film, which was very popular in the USA. The leitmotif of that film was revenge, which seems to be very firmly entrenched in the consciousness of Americans and evokes their approval. But this approach to the novel by Henry James, based on whose book these films were based, seemed to me little consistent with the author’s intentions, at least as I understood it, and I did everything possible not to slide into this. There is an old saying that revenge is God's delight. But in my opinion, revenge is poison.” Unexpected news!
At the request of her husband, the host of one radio station called his wife to play a prank on her.
He pretended to be his husband's boss and said that, unfortunately, he would have to fire him from his job. She became very upset and began to complain that now was not the right time for this, since they had just had a child, and her husband had always been loyal to their company. Then the presenter named the reason for the dismissal: “We caught him having sex with his secretary right on the table in his office.” Understandably, the wife was not happy to hear this. She flared up and angrily told the host who organized this prank: “Well, then I’m not sorry that I slept with his brother!” The husband was watching what was happening all this time and heard everything she said... It is clear that after this phrase a stormy showdown began. Don't flirt with coworkers, especially if you're married!
One loving employee had been brazenly pestering Dasha for a long time, and she decided to punish him, but in an unusual way. She began sending him various gifts, including flowers and sweets. The gifts were accompanied by romantic notes written in a man's handwriting. She arranged everything so that these gifts would be brought directly to his office, where his colleagues would see them. It worked: they began to make fun of him mercilessly. But she didn’t stop there and asked her friend to call his boss and say that this colleague periodically steals things. Soon after, he began to be followed, and it turned out that he was indeed stealing. He was immediately fired. To put an end to this whole story, Dasha began corresponding with his wife. One can imagine that she told her about her husband.
After all this, his car was seen parked at his mother's house in the evenings.
Apparently, his wife kicked him out the door! Family porn
One Malaysian businessman tried to take revenge on his wife who left him by posting obscene photographs of her online and inviting those who wanted to have sex with her. Soon, men from all over the world began calling the mother of his children. But this man forgot about the laws of his country: he now faces up to ten years in prison and a fine of approximately $39,000.
Shakespeare wrote the following warning in Henry VIII:
“You will make the forge so hot for the enemy that you yourself will get burned.”
Royal Follies
According to one legend, Herod, king of Judea, killed his wife Mariam when his sister Salome accused her of trying to plot against Herod.
In fact, Salome slandered her. Having discovered the truth, the king mourned for his wife, and in the following way: she was embalmed, and he slept with her body for several years.
TLC's
insecure bathtub After one of their countless fights, Lisa collected all of Andre's teddy bears (yes, he collected teddy bears) and burned them in the bathtub. After another fight, Lisa again began to burn his things in the bathtub. But since this time the bathtub was plastic, Lisa set Andre’s entire house on fire. She was given a suspended sentence of five years and fined $10,000. But despite this, they got engaged! Revenge and computer games
One Japanese man chose the wrong time to break up with his girlfriend.
She logged into his account in the Lineage computer game and destroyed all his data, so that all his achievements, for which he spent a huge number of days on the computer, were lost. What is important for us in this case: the police accused her of “violating the law prohibiting unauthorized entry using someone else’s passwords.” Recordings of conversations
One man created a special website on the Internet and posted there recordings of about 50 crazy voice messages of his ex-girlfriend.
More than 35 million visitors have visited this site! The Neverending Story
Vasily met at work Marina, a divorced woman who had a child. They became friends, periodically went to lunch together and even flirted a little. But there was nothing between them, and they didn’t even kiss. Nevertheless, he fell in love with her and decided to write to her about it. To his surprise, she not only did not answer his letter, but even broke off all relations with him. It's unpleasant, of course, but that's not all. When he accidentally ran into her at work, she suggested that he pretend nothing happened and remain friends. He responded by apologizing for his behavior.
Soon after this, Vasily was summoned by his boss. As it turned out, Marina told him that Vasily was pestering her. Vasily was forbidden to approach her. Hearing this, Vasily was beside himself with anger.
Over time, all that remained from pain and confusion was resentment. And Vasily developed a plan for revenge. He wrote many letters on her behalf, in which she looked like a little girl or a brawler. He wrote complaints to the post office and utility services. He wrote to her ex-husband about how she had to run all over the office from this idiot who was in love with her. He wrote to the school where her son studied, complaining about the quality of education. He subscribed on her behalf to a bunch of different magazines. According to him, he wanted to force her to leave her job; however, he admitted that it was hard for him to see her.
Soon Marina left this company.
Vasily hoped that he would feel relief, but in fact he felt emptiness. After some time, Vasily also quit and found out where Marina now works. And a little later he was invited to work there, and he thinks about agreeing. It's terrible that some things never end. Little things...
One guy filmed his girlfriend naked. When they separated two years later, he posted the photo on her Internet page and sent copies to his friends. But he did not take into account one little thing: at the time of filming the girl was 15 years old, so now he has been charged with child molestation.
“When I consider myself a victim of unfortunate circumstances or unfair treatment, when I feel bad and want to take revenge on my offender, I most often refrain from doing things like giving a box of feces to my enemies. I can write an offensive letter, but I won't send it. Somewhere deep down I am convinced that by doing this I will only hurt myself more.
In my youth I played Hamlet three times in different productions, and perhaps it was the story of Hamlet that weaned me off the satisfaction of revenge. I found Hamlet's demand for "retribution" to be one of the most enjoyable parts of the play. It seemed that everything was contained in this word.
Sometimes on stage I ended up with an angry appeal for justice, sometimes it sounded like a prophecy, and sometimes like the groan of a lost person begging for help. As far as I remember, my perception of this scene was different each time.
Of course, there were moments in my life when I wanted to strangle a person who humiliated me and wounded my soul. When this happens, all the clichés about sweet revenge and so on immediately come to mind, but the words of Confucius best describe my feelings: “Before you set out on a journey for revenge, dig two graves.” - Actor Stacy Keach.
So there you have it. Regardless of how your revenge affected you, you have crossed the finish line. You've come a long way, full of thoughts, tears and, hopefully, laughter, but now it's time to move on. But you have no idea which direction to go and where to go. Continue to the next chapter to read about some tactics that you shouldn't use immediately after discovering an affair, but that may be useful in the long run.
Table of contents
Lynching. An eye for an eye
In the old days, taking revenge on offenders was not only allowed, but was considered the norm, because there were simply no other means to teach the culprit a lesson.
Dahl's Explanatory Dictionary defines revenge as “paying evil for evil, insult for insult.” There is an opinion among psychiatrists: such “payment” may even be useful. If you silently endure an insult, a person dooms himself to the role of a defenseless victim, whose feelings can be ignored. So what is good about revenge? Maybe it prevents a person from falling into despair? And a person, when he manages to get even with his offenders, ceases to feel humiliated and insulted?
Movie 1
Blood feud is the oldest principle of legal proceedings. The murderer or one of his family members was necessarily subject to death as retribution. Among the residents of the republics of the North Caucasus, blood feud is still a common occurrence. The most famous case of blood feud is the murder of air traffic controller Peter Nielsen by Vitaly Kaloev. In the summer of 2002, a plane carrying Kaloyev’s wife and two children collided with a Boeing cargo plane in the sky over Lake Constance. A terrible plane crash claimed the lives of everyone on board. Air traffic controller Peter Nielsen was found guilty of the incident. And 2 years later he was found dead on the threshold of his own house. The investigation established that Vitaly Kaloev dealt with him. The inconsolable widower took revenge for the death of his relatives. Kaloev's story is amazing. A terrible tragedy led to no less terrible revenge, but then to a rather short prison term. And the laurels and positions in the government of his native republic are completely baffling: does the absolute majority really consider his act truly “manly”, the only possible and noble one? Isn't revenge killing an aggravating circumstance under Russian law?
Both the perpetrators and the victims suffer from revenge. Wanting to take revenge on the offender, a person locks himself into a negative situation and constantly replays the problem that has arisen in his head. And soon he may simply forget how to see the good in life, and this leads to depression or nervous disorders. One of the reasons why people decide to take revenge is intolerance of other people's shortcomings. Here, any reason, even the most insignificant, can become a reason for revenge. But most often people who are dissatisfied with life and unsure of themselves take such petty revenge. Trying to prove their own importance in the eyes of others. And harming one’s own body, because the anger and hatred that an offended person feels towards the offender increases blood pressure and has a bad effect on the functioning of the heart. So how can you avoid feelings of revenge?
Film 2
Did you know that men and women take revenge differently? The stronger sex takes revenge openly. It is important for men that the offender knows who got even with him and for what. For example, the artist Mikhail Shemyakin took revenge not on anyone, but on... Marina Vladi, the wife of his friend Vladimir Vysotsky. Mikhail was extremely outraged by her book of memories. “This book, “Interrupted Flight,” is deceitful, completely distorting the image of Volodya Vysotsky...” declared the artist. Shemyakin answered Vladi in his own way. Having created a monument to Vysotsky, which was unveiled in Samara in January 2008, he placed the figure of Marina in the background. And he gave her a book with a snake crawling out of it. Unlike men, women prefer to take revenge on the sly. It is important for them that the offender is punished. Whether or not he guesses who took revenge on him is not important for the fairer sex. In general, women's revenge is not only hidden, but also more sophisticated. What lengths do ladies go to in order to take revenge on their offenders!
How did they take revenge on the first contestant from Russia at Eurovision? Why does the famous musician Timati believe that revenge can be beneficial if you approach it in a civilized manner?
