Every person, sooner or later, asks himself, what do I really want? After all, in order to move somewhere, you need to understand the final goal. Otherwise, you can wander into the wrong place and get the wrong thing. Even more often this question comes after the thought, I don’t know what I want. Or even the textbook “I want something, but I don’t know what.” It seems that nothing hurts, there is no threat to life and health, everything is fine at work, at home too, but my soul is not at peace. And all because I don’t know what I want. What to do in such a situation? How can I tell myself what I want? We'll talk about this further.
What is success and how to determine your success criteria
Success is the achievement of a set goal, a positive result, as well as public recognition (according to the dictionary).
This is the case when the interpretation of the term fully corresponds to reality. You are successful when you achieve the goals you set for yourself. For some it is money, for others it is an enterprise, for others it is a scientific discovery, public recognition, and so on. There are no uniform criteria, since people set different goals for themselves.
And it’s hardly worth limiting yourself in your desires. If you want to become a successful artist, you don't have to be hungry. And you don’t have to “work for the public” to sell your paintings for big money. In most situations, you can find that golden mean that will help you achieve your goals. The main thing is to comprehend and specify them. When setting goals, you can be guided by techniques like SMART. It defines the criteria according to which the goal should be:
- S – specific.
- M – measurable.
- A – attainable.
- R – relevant.
- T – time-bound.
In fact, these criteria are very helpful not so much in the formation as in the formulation of the goal. The technique helps to specify tasks, cut off the unrealistic and unattainable, and also stimulate oneself to work by setting specific deadlines. However, the origin of a goal always occurs in your head - only you know what you really want. Accordingly, the task should be formed on the basis of desire.
Why are desires so important? Because being a successful person and being a happy person are not always identical concepts. You cannot be happy if you achieve success, but with all your soul you hate what you do. If you have always wanted to sing, but are forced to build one business after another, you are unlikely to be happy even if you succeed in business. That’s why it’s so important to choose what you really like. And again, it is much easier to achieve success when doing what you love - easier both psychologically and physically.
Your "hellish" job
Now let's think about your job. And let's think from the contrary. Write down what your “hellish” job would look like. For example: “I work in the office from 9:00 to 18:00. My boss, the son of the company founder, is an arrogant young man who knows nothing and knows nothing. All day long I sit in my office and make reports that no one needs, which are immediately thrown away.” Have you written?
Now turn everything upside down, and this will give you an understanding of what you really like. For example, like this: “I don’t work in an office. I have a free schedule. There are no bosses above me at all. And my work is related to creativity. Let's say it's writing books. My work is important to the world and even to humanity.”
So - through the method of contradiction - you will understand where you should move.
How much do you enjoy life?
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How to understand what you really want
Surprisingly, to do this you need to start trusting yourself. If you don’t know what you want, most likely you simply don’t believe yourself. The most common reason for this is low self-esteem. The mentality of the countries of the post-Soviet space is such that most children grow up in the belief: “If you do what you want, you will have to pay for it.” The very desire to live as you like and do as you want causes negativity from others. To an “independent” person, and especially a child, the words “should”, “this is how it is”, “this is how it should be” are heard every now and then.
The inability to understand one's desires due to low self-esteem prevents a person from being happy. He lives his life according to a script written by other people.
Try to work on yourself - normalize your self-esteem and learn to trust yourself.
If as a child you were constantly told that you would ruin everything, that you could not do anything, that you would break it again, you need to work with the memories. If you can’t do it yourself, contact a psychologist. The main thing is that you start trusting yourself - only after this the awareness of your desires will come by itself.
If I don't know what I want from life, I won't achieve anything. Because there is no goal and I have nothing to achieve. If I don't know who I want to become in life, I won't achieve anything. Because I will look for advice, recommendations, I will wait for someone to decide for me. Accordingly, there can be no talk of any desires.
How do you know that you are mature enough to make decisions and understand tasks? Desires will be conscious and specific. You will not want to get married (or get married), but you will want to connect your life with a specific person. You will want not to become an abstract businessman, but to start a business related to, say, investments. These desires will be strong, stable, specific.
How to Succeed in Business
There are two ways - build a career or take matters into your own hands from the very beginning. A successful businessman in reality is not only the owner of a grandiose enterprise, but also an investor and shareholder. But if we talk about classical business, then its (and therefore your) success always begins with an idea.
Steve Jobs once said: “When I didn’t have enough money, I sat down to think, rather than run to earn money. An idea is the most expensive commodity in the world.”
This is true. The main wealth of a successful businessman is his intelligence and strong nerves.
What qualities do you need to develop in yourself:
- Restraint.
- Analytical thinking.
- Creativity.
- Independence.
- Resourcefulness.
Remember that there are no universal and adapted algorithms in business. You can read in a textbook how the head of a company came out of a crisis. But you will not receive guidance on what to do in a situation where you are attacked by bandits or the fire department.
It is also important to take into account regional characteristics: it is one thing to build a business in the USA or Great Britain, and quite another in Russia and Ukraine. We are not talking about prospects, but about the peculiarities of national legislation and circumstances that are “around the law.”
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An interesting observation: people who studied with “excellent” grades or straight “D” grades at school rarely become successful businessmen. The former, as a rule, are too dependent on the opinions of others, the latter - on life circumstances. The most successful businessmen are “C” students. Since childhood, they have been neutral and did not receive excessive praise or unnecessary humiliation. In terms of education, they grew up as independent as possible. And again, the “excellent student” knows that if he learns all the lessons, he will receive an “A”. This doesn’t work in business – you always have to take risks, there are simply no universal instructions.
Attention : the above does not mean that you urgently need to become a “C” student if you are studying at school, a specialized secondary school or a higher educational institution. This means that you need to become independent and independent of the assessments of others.
What to do to start wanting something
First. If you don’t have the strength to wish for something, then you need to do:
- Shake the body physiologically. A good way to shake things up is through dancing. Go to the dance hall. This should help: your body will extract endorphins from its depths.
- Rest - if you are very tired. Stop the race - if you are driven. Hide from people, seclude yourself. Alone with yourself, do the unfinished work, put your affairs and things in order. You look and it becomes clear what to do next.
- Learn to firmly defend your right to sleep and rest in the family - if you are a young mother and are tormented by everyday life, a child and a mother-in-law. You can't please everyone.
Second. Do something you've never done before. For example, if you are a historian, then take a course in cooking or radio electronics. Take a brewing course, a creative writing course, a dog training course - if you are an engineer. This will give you newness, a departure from the usual and a look at your old business from afar.
Third. Get at least some job - if you don’t work at all, are drowning in the swamp of everyday life, or are bored. Even if you are the wife of a millionaire. Don't look at how prestigious this is. It’s just very good, which is not prestigious. You will get to know life from the other side. Do something unusual. This is the main thing - to do the unusual.
Fourth. Start learning something completely new. There, in a new place, there will be people you have never seen before. There will also be a small shift in your ideas about things and people.
How to Succeed in Scientific Work
Study. And once again study a lot. And work. A lot of. There is no other way. Scientific work is not like business; it does not serve it, although it is forced to interact. Science requires enormous experience and strong desire. Often it also requires risk - you risk time, effort and nerves. However, no one can guarantee the result. Only one thing can be guaranteed: if you don’t try, there will definitely be no result. A cure for cancer will not be invented, a person will not fly to another galaxy, cars will not fly. Exaggerated, but close to reality. And here it is important to understand what you are willing to sacrifice for the sake of science.
What qualities do you need to develop in yourself:
- Logical thinking.
- Commitment to constant development.
- Healthy perfectionism.
- Endurance and patience.
- Outlook and will.
The trigger should be your desire - a strong desire to develop and achieve your goal. At the same time, it is necessary to look for the optimal site for development. Unfortunately, most scientists in the post-Soviet countries are not in the best situation. Science serves either business (returns investments) or the state (returns the same investments and trust). Cases when scientists work calmly and independently are extremely rare. Therefore, experienced colleagues often advise young scientists to be prepared for immigration or to learn to “spin” - to find adequate sponsors, to look for ways out of a difficult financial situation, and so on.
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What to do if you don't know what you want from life
- Ask yourself: can I wish for something? Remove the pretentious word “from life.” Just plug your nose and close your mouth—for 60 seconds. Done? Do you have any desire now? Yeah. I want to breathe. Breathe. This is YOUR desire, and no one else's. Remember, did you have the same strong desires to do something? No? Then where can they suddenly come from if they never existed - ardent desires? Maybe there were warm wishes? Remember. Perhaps you are a person of warm desires or even a person of calculation and reason. So live your life calmly and rationally. This can lead to mistakes, but thinking with your heart also often leads to mistakes.
- Watch your hands. Where are they going? To the computer? To the refrigerator? Maybe something else? Do what your hands (legs and other parts of the body) want, if you find a desire. This is your wish. Only yours. If you only want to lie down, then you are either sick or untrained.
- Monitor your search - what are you looking for on the Internet? Walk along the main street of your city - watch which store your feet take you to. Look after yourself. Your arms and legs are not deceiving you. They take you where you want to go. If you are drawn mainly to a clothing store, that means something. Are you interested in clothes? Ask yourself: do I want to work with clothes or do I just like to dress up nicely?
- What would you do if you didn't have to work? Lie on the couch, chat with friends, surf the Internet, draw, go to the gym, travel, help people, write a book... Answer yourself. I see. You answer. But you don’t have the strength to truly wish for something.
- Tell yourself - why do you need to work? If you don’t need money (you have a healthy passive income), why should you work? For self-realization? This is a weak motive. Stronger - if you need to survive. It's like breathing: will you survive or not. But there may be another goal - a fun one. It must be born from within you. From what is truly dear to you.
I warn you! If you find an interesting business, then there will be problems, routine, and disappointments. And joy, and nerves, and anger. Life is made of these things. If you don’t know where to study, try taking a special test and get a detailed report, including a list of suitable professions, your personality and intelligence characteristics.
How to succeed in creativity
First of all, believe in yourself and your talent. Next, be able to knock on closed doors and be prepared for difficulties.
It doesn’t matter whether you sing, dance, draw, create design projects or engage in other creative activities - what is important is the ability to set a specific goal and achieve it.
Do you want to create a masterpiece or sell what you have created at a higher price? It's not always the same thing. Do you want to gain recognition from millions of people or become a star artificially imposed on people? You have a lot to think about and formulate specific goals.
What qualities do you need to develop in yourself:
- Creativity.
- Independence.
- Patience.
- Analytical thinking.
- Will.
An artist does not have to be hungry. But be prepared for the fact that creativity is subjective, but the tastes of the audience are almost always stable and objective. The hardest thing to achieve success is doing what you really like, and not looking at the preferences of the public. But here it is worth taking into account possible problems with money, or rather the lack of it. An original artist can earn a lot and remain true to himself. But the path to money when serving the public will be easier. It’s up to you to decide what to do.
Why should trainings and instructions be added to the cart?
Try to go to any search engine and find some secrets of success in business, in life in general. You will probably come across trainings or “life hacks” from some supposedly famous business coaches. There are hundreds, thousands, and maybe millions of them. Each business coach talks about the uniqueness of his methods and his own successes, which, as a rule, are not substantiated by anything. With rare exceptions, a person who earns millions will never conduct trainings and sell them for 10-15 thousand rubles. His time is simply worth more.
A successful businessman can speak to students, to visitors of some important forums and exhibitions, but they will never conduct training in cramped rooms rented for a couple of hours somewhere on the periphery of the city. This in no way applies to professional master classes and the training process. We are talking about those “mind-blowing” trainings, after which you supposedly will become a successful person almost the next day. Read stories or biographies of successful businessmen. Some of them said that they came to success after some kind of training. If there are any, we were unable to find them.
Experts unanimously declare: all trainings of “successful” people are 100% useless.
As well as any instructions for doing business, with the exception of rare supervision from experienced businessmen. That's why they should be sent to the trash. Why do people go to them? Behind the leader, the leader. Or for short-term euphoria. Behind the short-term feeling that tomorrow everything will change for the better. Will not change. And if it changes, it will definitely not be thanks to the training.
Take a break
And in general - stop. In order to really think about your life, you need to take time and stop. “A person who rushes through life mindlessly is like a person who is driving a car and does not have time to stop and fill up with gas. If you travel through life unknowingly for too long, you will run out of gas very soon!” - Barbara writes in her third book, Refusing to Choose.
Take time to think about what you want. Go to the country for a couple of days and turn off your phone. Finally, ask a friend to lock you in a room for a few hours without social media or your phone.
Even a few hours that you spend alone with yourself will help you understand where you want to move next. Give yourself this time!
The books “It’s not harmful to dream”, “What to dream about” and “I refuse to choose” are provided by the publishing house “Mann, Ivanov and Ferber”
