How to find your true desires
Everything you need to know to find your true desires. And when you find them, it may surprise you greatly. Don't believe me? Then read on.
In the article about the problems of finding your calling, it was already said that the main difficulty is that we ourselves do not know what we want. Once you determine your true desires , your calling will become an obvious fact, and you will no longer have to look for it.
But that’s the rub: how to find your true desires? What does true mean? And why the hell does it most often happen that you don’t want anything at all?
There may be several reasons for this.
1. Lack of the habit of wishing . The overwhelming majority of books and articles on finding your calling suggest this method: imagine that you have a lot of money, you already have everything: a luxurious house, a car, a yacht, and in general everything you could want for money. You've already traveled around the world twenty times, and you're really sick of it.
Introduced? Now tell me, what would you do in that case?
Most people will say: nothing! I have everything now, leave me alone, I’ll lie on the sofa and be stunned by the fact that I already have everything. What more could you want?
Intellectually, of course, you understand that such a life will very soon become very boring, because there is nothing more to desire. And that all these things are purely consumer, but you need to want something for the soul. But the soul keeps silent to itself, because it has lost the habit of wishing for anything.
How can you hear your soul?
Meditate often. There are quite simple but effective ways to meditate. For example, on your own breath. This will help over time to calm down the internal “chatter” and finally hear your Inner Self, which never makes mistakes and knows exactly what it wants.
We always strive for the forbidden and desire the forbidden. Ovid
2. Lack of energy . Modern man has very low energy levels. Too much artificial food, too much junk information, too much stress and constant lack of sleep.
All this takes a lot of energy, leaving no opportunity not only to dream and desire, but also to simply enjoy at least something in life. Such a gray, monotonous existence day after day.
This is also where the lack of the habit of desiring comes from, as discussed in the previous paragraph.
They say that in childhood we all know how to truly desire, but over time we forget how to do it. Actually this is not true. It is impossible to forget what you already know how to do. You can lose a skill, but you can’t forget it. It's like riding a bicycle: you can always get back on and ride if you've already succeeded at least once.
Another thing is that we are often simply afraid to use our half-forgotten skills. If you take the same bicycle, then an adult is sometimes simply scared to get on it. What if it falls? He'll accidentally break something.
It's the same with desires. An adult is simply afraid, even though he knows how, to desire something, because it can greatly change the established world. But a person already has so many worries that he simply doesn’t want to add new ones.
After all, even to maintain the familiar world there is often not enough energy. That’s why a person most often says that he doesn’t know what he wants, but in fact he doesn’t want to know. It’s safer, easier and simpler to live.
How to understand whether your desire is true or not
We want and expect so much from life, we want to get more with less effort, but in the end we don’t get what we want, and what we expect doesn’t come true. Now let's try to figure out why this happens.
Every day a stream of information rushes past us from various publications, advertisements, films, conversations with other people, etc. Thanks to this, idealistic images are created in our heads, although we do not realize it, of what we would like to have and how we should live.
Most of these images are false to us
: The thought is spinning in our heads that we must have what we saw in the advertisement, or that we do not live as well as our neighbors.
They have a dacha, but we don’t, they have a sports car, but our family only has an old minivan. But we don’t think at all that with our bad back we won’t be able to afford the dacha and it’s better not to drive a low car to visit our grandmother in the village. This is where the concept of falsity of desires comes from .
You may want to live on a personal island, but it will remain just a dream until you have a true need for it. You may wish for millions, but they will not come to you until you need them.
True desires, that is, desires that come from the depths of the soul, are the needs for a comfortable life at the moment.
We have as much money as we need to survive. The level of existence depends only on ourselves.
We may complain about poverty, but no matter how strange it may sound, people with an acute shortage of money have just enough money to survive. Behind the shortage is always the desire to survive and act, and any social strata are connected only with the way people think. Some people want to live, some want to survive, and some want to exist. The choice remains with the person.
, the law of “here and now” works.
– you have a need for something, and to get it, you need to start acting. For example, you are hungry. You will either cook or order food, or go to a restaurant or run to the grocery store. In general, you yourself will work to satisfy the need that has arisen.
In fact, simple truths for us lie in front of our noses, but due to a large number of false values, other people's desires and imposed images, we do not know what exactly we want. We strive to get something that we don’t need at all, we chase after it, but we will never be able to catch up with it.
Stop racing for the future. Exhale, feel yourself in this moment. Feel yourself and ask: “What do I want?” Feel the need for it and start taking action.
The author's opinion may not coincide with the opinion of the editors.
Pavel Gorbulich is a master optician by profession. I started writing after awareness came into my life. Poet and article writer.
Photo: unsplash.com
Which desires are true and which are false?
“We rarely fully understand what we really want.”
F. La Rochefoucauld.
The question of the truth of desires is closely connected with the question of happiness . Everyone knows in one way or another what they want, but not everyone can separate true desires from false ones. Where do these false ones come from?
Many - from society (it’s accepted, it’s fashionable, everyone does it, etc.), some - from illusions (this will make me better, more beautiful, more successful, happier, etc.), some others - from a kind, warm attitude towards myself (if I do/receive/achieve this, I will be respected/loved/understood more, etc.). Those. In the piggy bank of our desires there are not only precious coins, but also plenty of counterfeit ones.
How to distinguish one from the other?
True desires come from the heart, this is not a product of our ego, not imposed by others, not a fantasy on the theme “this will make me happy,” because it will not do anything while we seek happiness from the outside. And the ego is, up to a certain point, the main competitor of our Soul, noisy and arrogant, sometimes not allowing it to open its mouth in its loud presence. Therefore, only in silence and peace of mind, focusing on our feelings, can we understand what we really want.
You can use this simple technique for this.
Sit alone, breathe calmly for 7-8 cycles (long inhale - hold - long exhale, then without delay a new cycle, everything as slowly as possible, and so on 7-8 times). During pranayama, concentrate your sensations in the center of your chest, and your thoughts on your breathing. When you feel that you have relaxed enough, imagine that your wish has come true - in colors, brightly. How do you feel? If the center of the chest is warm, good, cozy - most likely the desire is true. If the sensations are unpleasant, reconsider this desire - think about where you got it from, why you want it to come true, what your life will be like after this, or vice versa - what will your life be like if it doesn’t come true? In a word, find compelling reasons to spend time and energy on realizing this desire. After all, it did not evoke a warm response inside you, the Soul remained silent. So perhaps this is your ego's desire.
Nobody argues, the ego is also our friend and comrade, but it is often in conflict with the Soul. If we accept the concept that we are not the body, but the Soul, then following the desires of the Soul is a much more reliable tactic if we strive for happiness. Happiness comes from the desires of the ego - I don’t know if this happens. Joy is possible, but happiness...
What is the problem, why do people often invent false desires for themselves and ignore true desires?
There are some general ideas about how everything should be for a person, how it should be. And often we take this template and follow it. Those who go beyond the boundaries are either “strange”, or “we need to save them”, or “poor parents”, etc. After all, it is children and adolescents who very often try to go beyond these generally accepted boundaries; they clearly and clearly hear the voice of their Soul. They do not yet have the fear of not being like everyone else or not achieving something socially important; they are not yet burdened with worries about where to live, what to eat, what to wear, etc.
Also, false desires can be generated by a sense of duty, guilt, resentment, or some kind of fear. For example, the desire to take revenge for an insult is a pure desire of the ego; a person sincerely believes that his pain will be reduced when he takes revenge. He forgets that pain is only his, which means he can manage it himself, without any external additional events. Instead of working through his pain, he harbors a desire for revenge - this is a trick of the ego. The soul in this case wants the person to let go of this pain and become stronger through this experience.
Returning again to the reasons that give rise to false desires - how much effort we spend on feeling more comfortable among other people. We literally move mountains to look good in the eyes of someone, but, Karl, looking does not mean being ! And half of these efforts would be enough to learn to love and value yourself . And we would never have to fight for the favor of others again, because we would have our own favor, independent of anyone/anything. The desire to love and respect oneself will always be true; this is the most serious heartfelt need of any person, no matter how successful he may be. Warmth, comfort and peace in the Soul are worth a lot.
True desires are the only desires worth putting effort into. It is what our heart wants that leads the direct path to a feeling of happiness and mental well-being - and this is exactly what every person really wants.
With love, author.
Technique for testing desires for truth
A little theory. We all want something. The idea is that if we really want something, then it should happen. And all the currently popular metaphysical and psychological theories say that since the information field is unified, then nothing specifically prevents a person from getting what he wants by visualizing an object, by pronouncing affirmations, or otherwise creating an image of what he wants in his head, and everything should work out.
All this happens at the expense of the person himself, who, turning to his deepest resources and unconscious layers, helps himself, with the help of moods, images and symbols, to reach the desired area of physical reality, which will provide him with what he wants.
But many begin to set goals, create moods for themselves, use symbols... and nothing works. Because the desire itself, the goal may not be true.
They often say to me “but I want to!” You can read about the difference between a real “I want” and a fictitious one in the article “Am I lazy or don’t want?” Before you begin to attract this or that event, person, or situation into your life, you should check your desire for truth. This technique is one of those that seems simple, but yet is not easy to master.
So. You need a memory - it can even be partially modified with the help of fantasy, but better - a real situation, say, from childhood. The selection criteria are:
1. You feel good physically, nothing hurts, your body is in perfect order.
2. You feel good emotionally - you are happy, simply put.
3. You are surrounded by people you like (or you are alone, if it’s more pleasant) and a landscape that is pleasant to the eye (even though the corner of the apartment - nature is not necessary, it is important that the environment around you gives you a feeling of support and joy).
4. The situation must have a perspective.
Example: a girl leaves the house early in the spring morning, full of strength, vigor (physical state) and mental health, joy (emotions), in front of her is a sunlit courtyard, she is alone (pleasant surroundings), but she is going on a date with a man who she is interested in (the prospect).
Or this: a little boy stands under a decorated Christmas tree (environment), he is happy and excited (good physical and emotional state) about the upcoming opening of gifts lying under the tree (perspective).
These are real examples of the condition of real people, told to me. This state is your standard, the standard of internal harmony, and memories or fantasies are only the factors that include it. Let's call it the key state.
The first difficulty is to really feel this state. Because you can’t “just imagine” it, you have to enter it and feel it. In other words, if your soul feels like it’s at a funeral, and you’re playing a video of your own wedding in front of you, but your soul still feels like it’s at a funeral, the technique won’t work. You really need to try to BECOME a happy person. But if you master the technique of voluntarily and quickly entering a key state, then this in itself can turn out to be a healing force.
If you have learned to penetrate the state, you can move on to the 2nd stage. Now, already inside your key memory-state, imagine what you want. Or supposedly you want to. Because if your key state is disturbed - some kind of unpleasant sensation occurs, the video image is distorted, happiness and serenity disappear, anxiety appears, or an arm or leg simply twitches, in general, some kind of acute muscular reaction occurs - it means, most likely, YOU ALWAYS want . This means that this is not a desire of your soul, but something superficial - created with the help of projections, fears, and other people's programs. Some people say “but I feel it!” And I have to look for examples from their own lives, when they believed for a long time and sacredly in some kind of illusion, and then they had to admit that they did not do what they really wanted, they went in the wrong direction and believed in the one they themselves created. the picture themselves. Far, alas, from reality.
After such examples, a person, as a rule, begins to understand that he is capable of believing in an illusion. And that his current desire is not a real desire, but a desire to prove something to someone, a desire to justify someone’s hopes, or to raise his self-esteem in a way completely unusual for his particular soul. I just haven't found anything else yet.
Desires can be good in themselves. But not yours. And the more a person clings to a desire, the greater the likelihood of it being illusory. But with true desires, a person behaves more calmly - he does not prove, does not justify himself to others, does not try to demonstrate his “I want” to everyone around him, he somewhere at the level of intuition knows that this is how it should be, and calmly goes towards it.
We are very afraid to part with illusions. Even if they exist in the form of desires. “If I don’t want this, then it won’t be me anymore” is a common option. Are you really your desire? Desire is only a tool for development. But not your essence. And you shouldn’t get so attached to him - you will remain yourself without him. It is in this sense, it seems to me, that the Buddha urged not to become attached to desires - after all, many of them can be illusions. And you treat non-illusions as something taken for granted: “well, of course, it will happen, and it’s only a matter of time.”
