Now even trying to hold hands, let alone hug or kiss a loved one, can be dangerous: until an effective vaccine against coronavirus is developed, we will either have to refrain from touching contact, or put up with the risk of becoming infected at any moment.
Those who avoid meeting with loved ones should remember sensory hunger. Newborns often encounter this condition, but it can also cause harm to adults. We tell you what you need to know about the lack of tactile sensations.
Castles in the air and illusions
There is a category of girls who can be called romantic, dreamy, airy. They live with fairy tale ideas about what love is, and they need just such fairy tales to happen in their lives. In other words, emotional girls are waiting for princes who will perform heroic deeds, build castles in the air and create pleasant illusions in which they will live well.
If your girlfriend lacks emotions, she simply lacks everything that womanizers, philanderers and womanizers give their women - empty promises, wonderful dreams about the future, pleasant gestures and actions. The girl just wants to be in some parallel universe, where she is a princess who receives various revelations from her betrothed. If you remember Romeo and Juliet, then the girl lacks approximately these experiences.
It seems that girls need to be given confidence, stability, calmness, love and fidelity. In fact, most girls want intrigue, fairy tales, romance, magic and jealousy. Girls don't live in peace. With loyal and open guys, they often start to get bored. Give them Don Juans and womanizers who are ready to create illusions and fairy tales so that girls experience wonderful emotions and surrender to them.
In love relationships, there is such a phenomenon as creating your own fantasy. Everyone, under the influence of their desires, flared up feelings and the desire to be loved, begins to not notice much in the new partner and in the relationships that they build with him. He builds an illusion based on what happens in real life, filling all the voids and unknown information about his loved one with the ideas that he cherishes in his own imagination. A person inserts the most suitable “puzzles” into the overall picture, which will give confidence that everything is going well.
Many men and women are susceptible to this. Under the influence of the feeling of falling in love, people do not notice the real actions and words of their partners, their negative reactions and everything that can destroy the relationship. Men and women in love see only the illusion that they themselves have created. This is called “wearing rose-colored glasses.” Over time, they are removed, and the person finally understands how much he was mistaken about his partner and how much he does not know about him.
After disappointment with the real state of affairs, a person wants to return to his illusion. He begins to ask for advice: “How can I get back the relationship that was in the beginning? How to renew interest in yourself? The answer question immediately arises: “Why?” If the union ceases to exist only because you took off your “rose-colored glasses” and saw the unpleasant truth about your loved one, why continue to build a relationship? Why do you want to bring the illusion back? She will return, but the same real partner will remain nearby.
When you are faced with the real state of affairs, you need to ask yourself the question: “Do I want to live like this?” You can ask your partner about the reasons for his actions that you don’t like. There is a high probability that you will hear an honest answer even to such a question: “Why do you need me?” After all the answers received, you can decide whether you need this person or not. Do not be afraid to make a decision that will destroy the love union, because if after removing the “points” you felt bitter pain and disappointment, then there was no relationship as such. Sooner or later they will end, and this decision will depend on your partner. For now, you are free to make a choice and decide to break up.
It is impossible to bring the illusion back, no matter how much you want it. Even if you miraculously fall back into a state of complete immersion in “rosy dreams,” this will not relieve you of the torment and suffering that you will experience due to your partner’s real actions. You can return the illusion, but it will only be real for you. As long as you bring back the fantasy, your partner will get what he stays around for.
Theodor Reich argued that ordinary love arises from internal dissatisfaction with oneself, when a person realizes that he is not who he thought he was and that he cannot fulfill what he demands of himself. A person grabs onto love as if it were a saving straw, as if it would help him realize what he was internally striving for.
Modern love is an exchange of idealized images. By this, Reich wanted to say that lovers transfer illusory ghosts to each other, turning their fantasies into creatures of flesh and blood. Thus, a person who was previously enslaved by a ghost will be under the yoke of a real being. As T. Reich said, the individual compares the ideal image with the chosen one, a living and real lover. However, the subject of love is also a ghost or a “hanger” of human illusions. A real person is the material from which his partner creates a fantastic figure, just as a sculptor carves a statue from shapeless stone.
“The man says he still doesn’t know why he loves his woman. The answer will be: “You love her because she satisfies your hidden ego.” That is, Reich views modern love as the desire to achieve an ideal ego or idealized image. In connection with this model, love is very weak, false and doomed to failure, because a moment comes, as in the case of an illusory ghost, a person begins to confuse the beloved partner with an idealized image.
In other words, a person thinks that he loves his partner, but in reality he loves the image. Obviously, there will come a time when a person begins to feel that the other does not correspond to the ideas that he has. The person believes that the partner has changed a lot for some unknown reasons, but in fact he remains the same as he always was. The attractiveness of the beloved was given only by the spell of an illusory ghost that his partner cast on him.
Loyalty to your decisions is an obstacle
Most people are confident that loyalty to the life decisions made at one time characterizes them on the good side, and stability and perfectionism are traits of a strong personality.
If you've already got down to business, give it everything! Other people depend on you! You can't quit halfway! I am a person who always works harder than everyone else and better than everyone else! I started a family - now I need to get down to business and make it perfect! I will make unhappy parents happy! My kids will do every activity under the sun! I started improving my body and now I’m doomed to spend my whole life in the gym, otherwise it’s all in vain! I started this business, gave it ten years of my life, it doesn’t matter that I mostly work for my employees, and not they for me, I will continue to bear the cross! You have to endure for the sake of friendship, or money, or family, or career, or fame, or love!
Perfectionism is the favorite child of imbalance! We make enough such “vows of fidelity” with ourselves, substitute your own version.
To maintain outdated forms of oneself, serious energy overexpenditures are needed, because in order to remain the same, one has to force oneself a little - or a lot.
To overcome the obstacle of fidelity, you must have the right to change your former self or your old image, that is, become a person who has changed priorities. Talking to a therapist can support you in the process of gaining the power to change and move away from outdated choices.
Flirting
If a girl lacks emotions, start flirting. What does this mean? Start giving her compliments, but don’t shower her with them. Start noticing her flaws and calling her the animals that have them (for example, “kitty” if the girl scratches, or “fox” if she is cunning).
Also, do not forget about touching, sometimes indecently, so that the girl shows that you go far, but it does not offend you. Continue to harass her, as it were, but do not bring the matter to bed.
You can even hint to a girl that other beauties are interested in you. Let her think that she might lose you.
Why it is so difficult to establish balance: self-distrust
You have conducted an internal audit, discovered discrepancies and the most important needs that are relevant to you now. The first difficult step lies ahead: to believe that this is all true, and not a temporary weakness.
Not everyone, but many, need time to become legalized within themselves and feel the right to judge their life by their inner feelings - they are too accustomed to trusting other people’s opinions and criticism. It takes time to trust yourself.
Ideally, we all need the support of loved ones to make changes. But after revising your energy accounting, some people may lose your attention, so expecting support from them is at least naive.
Romance
If a girl lacks emotions, offer her romance. This is only suitable if the girl likes romance. Flowers, boxes of chocolates, romantic evenings, passionate nights in bed, walks under the moon, a boat trip, etc. are suitable here.
Don’t forget about gifts, about words of love, about dreams of a future that will definitely be beautiful.
Flirting and romance are inherent in Don Juans, who skillfully break the hearts of girls. Who are they and how do they become them? Don Juan. Who is he? A daring and unstoppable man who is ready to do anything for the never-ending search for love. He justifies his actions by saying that he is looking for eternal love with the ideal woman. He skillfully meets ladies, skillfully looks after them, masterfully wins hearts, but does not strive to establish strong relationships and breaks up without regret. The charming people hope for his return and wait for his call, but Don Juan never calls. What are the reasons for his behavior?
A man who spent his childhood next to an unloving mother or had a traumatic situation in his life - treason or betrayal - can become a Don Juan. As a result, the gentleman begins to be guided by the stereotypes that all women are bitches, there is no love, etc. Thus, he finds justification for his actions and displaces the experiences that influenced his attitude towards the fair sex. A disappointed Don Juan will try not to get involved in close relationships with women, so as not to relive the traumatic events.
A man who has been surrounded by maternal love since childhood can become a Don Juan: “You are so beautiful! Nobody deserves you! With such a slogan, a man grows up who strives to find only the ideal partner for himself. At this time, his mother happily supports her son’s free lifestyle, since he still remains close to her. However, she thinks little about what he will do when she is gone.
A man who is accustomed to treating relationships with the opposite sex as a love game can be considered a Don Juan. He is so accustomed to this type of relationship that he can only fall in love when an unusual woman appears in his life.
Men with a weak or, conversely, strong sexual constitution can join the ranks of Don Juans. Men with weak constitutions diligently study the art of pickup, so that later they will be known as a “sexual giant” among beauties. It does not come down to sexual relations, but his speech is full of various stories related to sex. Men with a strong sexual constitution take the path of Don Juans because they sometimes need to be satisfied 5-6 times a day. To do this, he finds several women with whom he has sexual contacts.
Don Juan delights the opposite sex with his active position. He caresses the ears of his chosen ones with declarations of love, although all his words are as easily pronounced as purchases for the wardrobe are made. However, a man can fall in love, and then he himself will begin to believe that he can change. But time will pass, and he will return to his usual way of life. Become a Don Juan for your girlfriend to provide her with emotions.
