Raising a child is a difficult and time-consuming process that takes a lot of strength, emotions and nerves from parents. To develop a correct understanding of “good” and “evil” in a child, mothers and fathers share their own experiences and give vivid examples from life. The result of instructive conversations is the emergence of personal qualities in the offspring that will allow him to achieve respect in society. However, children tend to grow up, so a generational clash cannot be avoided.
Unfavorable company and dangerous hobbies, pragmatic views on life and disrespectful attitude towards members of the opposite sex - parents cannot limit the flow of outside information into the child’s mind, which also affects the formation of character. Over time, children forget about the kindness with which they grew into a person. The apogee of misunderstanding occurs at the moment of conflict between a grown child and his mother - the person who gave birth, fed him and put him “on his feet.” The only right decision after a quarrel with your own mother is to ask for forgiveness.
Casualties on everyday grounds and excessive guardianship, generational conflict and differences in views on life - little things of fate that do not correlate with the scale of maternal love and care
Common mistakes children make: unsuccessful attempts to make peace with mom
In attempts to apologize for actions taken and words spoken, children only worsen the current situation. A mother is not a friend, boyfriend, distant relative, teacher or coach, so the ritual of forgiveness must be done accordingly. Do not make the following mistakes in a conciliatory conversation with your mother:
- Do not restore relations with your mother in a public place where strangers are present. You will create an atmosphere that is uncomfortable for dialogue, in which it is extremely difficult to achieve mutual understanding. You should not take “quarrels in public”, because sincere emotions and feelings are rightfully considered intimate, and therefore should remain between the parties to the conflict.
- Using gifts to win the favor of your beloved mother is also pointless, because surprises and presents have absolutely no value. It is important for her that you realize your own mistake or guilt. You need to solve the problem that has arisen, and not try to pay off with a plush toy or jewelry.
- Establishing communication with their mother via the Internet, SMS correspondence or phone call is another common mistake of children who want to make peace with their soul mate. By such actions you show disrespect for the parent, with whom the relationship is in limbo.
- Proving your own rightness and seeking the restoration of illusory justice, you will not be able to make peace with your mother. Your goal is to restore trust and mutual understanding, and not to sort things out.
- Setting ultimatums or putting up with certain conditions that the mother must comply with in order for you to realize that you are wrong is an irrational decision. When starting a conversation, remember who you are talking to. Parents are the people who gave life and raised you as a person, so choose expressions and “step over” your self-esteem.
If you grew up to quarrel with your own mother, then find the strength to admit that such behavior is incorrect. Adults are distinguished by wisdom and balance, which means the time has come to clearly demonstrate their self-sufficiency. Restore peace of mind, gain inner balance and try to assess the situation as soberly as possible.
Even if the mother realized that she was wrong, the child must invariably take the first step - this is an unspoken rule that children and parents always adhere to
How to restore a relationship with a teenager?
To restore your relationship with your teenager:
- Trust. This is very important in any type of relationship. Including with a teenager. Always try to strengthen the trust that has arisen between you. Make sure your teenager understands that you can be trusted. And, accordingly, I did everything to form a good relationship with you.
- Share your experiences with your teenager. Don't be ashamed to tell your teen about your emotions. Try to talk about everything that worries you. In response, you will hear similar stories from the teenager. This will solve the problem. And he will make sure that you will not have conflicts in the future.
- Believe the teenager's words. Do not test it under any circumstances. Don't spy on your teenager. And don't look at his phone. Each of these actions can significantly worsen your relationship with your teenager. Cause the teenager to feel terrible about themselves. Distances himself from you. Instead, we recommend trusting your teenager. Remember: if he wants to do something bad, then no restrictions will prevent him from doing so. Therefore, relaxing control would be the best solution.
The extent of the quarrel between the child and mother
If you are wondering how to make peace with your mother, then be sure to take into account the scale of the conflict during the search process. The situations that occur in the relationship between children and parents may be different. Quarrel over unlearned lessons? Different views on behavior in a public place? Conflict over an unsatisfactory grade? Disagreement over the choice of the person with whom you are going to enter into a legal relationship?
The consequences of a discord in mutual understanding between a child and mother directly depend on the relevance of the topic for debate. If it is important for the adult offspring to remain unconvinced, then the quarrel may end with mutual agreement to stop communication. Most children who do not control their own emotions in a fit of anger forget about who they are trying to sort things out with. Before apologizing for words spoken and actions taken, be sure to evaluate how offended your mother might be:
- Minor quarrel.
Description of the problem: It takes a long time for mothers to get used to the fact that their children have grown up and become independent. Excessive guardianship and regular instructions often provoke conflict situations between parent and child. The mother is guided by the position of an adult, trying to protect you from making mistakes.
Solution: Turn around the traditional understanding of care. Start paying attention to your mother’s health and well-being, take an interest in her progress at work, and offer to help. Thus, you will change one of the facets of the worldview of an accomplished person, demonstrating your independence and self-sufficiency.
- Major conflict.
Description of the problem: The reason for a quarrel between parents and children is often polar views on the current situation. Such discords are explained by the difference in age and life experience, of which the mother a priori has more.
Solution: A heart-to-heart conversation and accepting the opinion of an adult is the only way to reconcile. Do not argue with your parent, accepting her vision of the problem in order to protect the health and nerves of your soul mate. Time will dot the i's, and damaged relationships are extremely difficult to restore. Appreciate your mother's participation in your life.
- Long-term lack of mutual understanding.
Description of the problem: Unresolved situations from childhood or critical differences in views on behavior in society - there can be many reasons for a serious quarrel between mother and child. However, long-term lack of communication becomes more difficult to restore every day. It is important to come to your senses in time, taking the first step towards your mother.
Solution: If at the time of a quarrel you did not find the right words for an adult to admit that he was wrong, then let the situation go. Raising past grievances is a pointless exercise. Defiantly admit your mistakes by apologizing to your mother - this is the only way to restore mutual understanding, which has been absent for a long time.
After the first conflict between a child and his parents, it is important to think about the scale of the situation in time. To prevent new quarrels and disagreements from arising, find out from your mom and dad the reasons for their dissatisfaction with your behavior. Try to jointly solve problems that arose during the conversation. It is useless to defend yourself and blame your parents, because they have every right to express any thoughts to your face. Do not forget about the hierarchy of relationships in the family institution.
Parents are the only people who will not turn away from you in a difficult situation, will support you in grief and share moments of joy.
How to avoid quarrels
Scientists call factors that entail negative changes in the emotional sphere in old age:
- completion of work;
- lack of goals;
- disappointment.
It is important to help relatives find new directions for self-realization after retirement. Interest clubs, online communities, and master classes will take you away and leave no time to sort things out.
To maintain the joy of life in old people, their activity should be encouraged. Any physical activity dilates the blood vessels of the brain, which improves its blood supply and nutrition, thereby delaying irreversible processes. This could be walks or hard work in the garden. A dream come true will be a trip or a new hobby.
Mental activity: reading, learning languages, solving crossword puzzles serve as the prevention of age-related diseases.
Recommendations for reconciliation with your mother after a quarrel
Do not worsen your relationship with your mother by starting a dialogue in an irritated state - listen to soothing music, do physical exercise, meet with friends. Just don’t discuss the quarrel among your friends and comrades, who will invariably try to take your side in the conflict. Bias is a dubious method in finding a way out of the current situation.
If you recently had a fight with your mother, then use the following recommendations. Follow the sequence of actions specified in the list to eliminate the possibility of deterioration of mutual understanding between the parties to the conflict. With the help of the following advice from psychologists, you can come to your senses in time, restoring harmony in your relationship with a loved one:
- Realize the scale of the situation, remember the words that you managed to say to your mother. Left alone with your own thoughts, try to explain her behavior to yourself.
- It is impossible to solve the problem that caused the conflict immediately after a quarrel, because both parties are still in an excited emotional state. Take a break to “cool down” and miss your mother’s love.
- Imagine yourself in the place of the second participant in a conflict situation. Project the dialogue in your mind, rationalize the spoken words. How would you react to this behavior of your own child? After answering a simple question, you can think about resuming the conversation.
- Take the initiative to restore mutual understanding with your mother. Waiting for her to come to apologize or call, filled with the desire to make peace, is pointless. You are a child, which means that a priori you should be the first to make concessions. Mom has the right to remain offended, giving her offspring time to understand the words spoken.
- Start the conversation with a concise and clear phrase. First, apologize for the disrespect and disobedience shown to show your mother your positive attitude. Do not remember out loud the hurtful words and the cause of the conflict - do not bring up the past. Try to explain your behavior to your mother, but don’t get carried away so as not to renew the quarrel. Reduce the conversation to eliminating disagreements and mutual agreement to reconcile.
- Strengthen the restoration of mutual understanding with a warm hug in which the child and mother will remember the importance of each other. Having gotten rid of negative thoughts, invite her to spend time together - go to the cinema, take a walk in the park, have lunch at a restaurant.
It often happens that a mother does not immediately forgive a child who has come to apologize. Staying and begging for favor is irrational. Having spoken the right words and shown respect to your mother, go to your room or apartment without waiting for an answer. After a short period of time, mom will get in touch herself, accepting your apology. Silence is an educational measure that is necessary to understand what has been done. There is no point in pushing yourself and aggravating the current situation; ask for forgiveness, communicate your desire to make peace and wait.
Remember that we remain children at any age as long as mother's love is alive. Appreciate the moments of care and affection of the person who gave birth and raised you. No quarrel is worth the conscious loss of the relationship between mother and child.
