Many people assign the characteristic “loser” to themselves, and willingly.
A difficult relationship with villainous fate is a convenient way to justify one’s laziness, insecurity, low self-esteem, sloppiness and other unpleasant traits.
The stigma of a loser gives you the right to spit at the ceiling, philosophize about the meaninglessness of life, be sad about unfulfilled dreams and completely indulge in hopeless pessimism.
You can also blame others for your failures - those who succeed without difficulty, unlike you. Great, isn't it? So there are almost no problems with “making a diagnosis”. What to do if you are a loser?
Losers - who are they?
A loser is a person who is unable to succeed in life in the capacity in which he desires . He cannot achieve his goals, implement long-standing goals.
Or maybe he no longer has goals, and his goals are forgotten - after all, in order to achieve something, you need to make efforts, spend time, energy...
And we are not just talking about professional success and career ups. Sometimes a girl who has not known family happiness by the age of thirty considers herself a failure. All her friends have been married for a long time, babysitting babies, waiting for their spouses to return from work, but she is still alone.
Common situation? But here’s the problem: at the same time, deeply married ladies are jealous of lonely wolves taking selfies in Bali in the arms of tanned aborigines.
Awareness of one's own failure depends on internal attitudes and goals . There are people who are dissatisfied with any life and are confident that the grass is always greener on the other side. You can develop a loser complex in childhood, with the help of a parent.
If mom and dad demand from a child beyond his abilities, scold him for bad grades and always compare him with the successful Vasya from the next door, low self-esteem will ruin the child’s life for a long time.
I AM WEAK
Once again we pull out the excellent student syndrome from the depths of the subconscious. When you need to be perfect in order to be appreciated and loved.
In this case, the children's program: if you failed or promised but didn’t do it, then you are a weakling. Such a popular thing in childhood among peers, and sometimes fathers are guilty of this.
And so a man pushes himself at work, torments himself for what he planned but did not complete and, accordingly, loses energy. In relationships, he constantly feels guilty if he didn’t do what he promised, not because he didn’t want to or didn’t try, but because he really couldn’t.
The same program does not allow him to feel confident and self-sufficient. There is always a BUT:
I'm determined, but... I'm purposeful, but...
And such BUTs, on almost every point. Do you know how Jewish children are raised? "Did not cope? How could such a good, smart, confident boy fail to complete such a task? You can do it! You will definitely succeed! We just have to go and finish it now!”
That's motivation! The child understands that he failed not because he is weak or bad, and now they will not love him, but simply did not make enough effort. And he goes and achieves it. In the Russian tradition, it is necessary to humiliate. Do you really want to do anything after this? NO! Desire, motivation and strength disappear.
WHAT TO DO?
We changed the perception model from “I failed – I’m a weakling.” to “I failed because I’m not prepared right now.”
It happens that you need to go urgently, but your car has a flat tire. or guests unexpectedly arrive and there is nothing to treat you with.
And this is not because you need to be fully prepared for any situation (perfectionism), but “I’ll pump up the tire and come,” “I’ll go to the store and buy a treat,” etc.
My dears, don’t push yourself, allow yourself not to be perfect, so that you always have everything for all occasions. It doesn't happen like that! Just be more flexible - adapt to each situation. As a last resort, you can always ask for an apology, replay the situation, ask friends to help, etc.
Understand that no one is a weakling. Everyone is strong in their own area. It would be strange to blame a fish for being weak because it couldn’t climb a tree. Just like a person who, for example, has never jumped from a tower and is very afraid of heights. Such a jump without preparation will create a persistent phobia in the future, and will not help him cope with his previous fear.
This article is primarily addressed to parents - reconsider your methods of motivation for your children. And for those who have already fallen into these networks, you are simply NOT PREPARED for such events. You just need more time. Believe me, those who “take you or took you weakly” are definitely not the first time and definitely with a preliminary attitude and preparation have gone through what they are asking you to do without preparation.
best wishes to you, Galatea
Share this article with your friends:
How to recognize a loser in yourself (and what to do about it)?
When starting to fight an “illness,” you should definitely look for its symptoms within yourself. What is characteristic of typical losers?
1) Feel sorry for yourself all the time.
2) Constantly grumble and see negativity even in beautiful things.
3) Blame others for your own failures.
4) Total pessimism, confidence that everything will be bad - no matter what the options are.
5) Love of excuses: such a person always has a dozen or two excuses for why he still hasn’t passed his license, hasn’t quit his terrible job, or refuses promising dates.
6) Problems with time management: he wastes time, being more interested in social networks, toys and funny pictures than in real life and his responsibilities.
7) Painful perception of criticism, fear of someone else’s negative opinion and, at the same time, reluctance to change.
Mediocre attitude towards your work. The losers are sure that the “evil boss” has a grudge against him, but at the same time he works as hard as he can and does not value his profession.
9) Consider yourself an unrecognized genius, an unappreciated, but richly gifted personality, clearly standing out from the gray wretched mass. It’s just that harsh life didn’t give him the opportunity to open up.
10) Imposing labels on yourself and setting limitations: “I don’t have the ability to do this,” “I’m not good at this kind of work,” “I’ll never learn to meet people, it’s not my thing,” “I have a weak will, poor metabolism and wide bones.” "
11) Fatalism, a feeling of doom, giving up at any opportunity. So fate decided - why change anything?
To solve the problem of your own failures, you need to look at the situation and yourself with open eyes. Recognize that being a failure is your own choice, your fear of change and your reluctance to expend valuable energy and effort.
You yourself inspired this strategy, chose this path in life, and you can change it if you want.
Requests for help Write your story, everyone has finally turned away... I don’t need this job, which brings good money, or everything else that I have. I am alone and no one needs me. Money can’t buy friendship and love... I’m a loser and nothing works out for me in this life... I’m tired of the betrayal of “friends”. I don’t have any friends and never have had them. Apparently I’m a bad person since I have no friends and no one needs me in this world. I no longer have the strength to believe and pray... everything is repeated several times already...... right now I’m getting drunk with alcohol and I want to fall asleep and never wake up... and never see this world again... because what is good here is inaccessible to me because I’m a loser and I can’t get it the good that others have (I’m talking about the intangible, and money can’t buy that)…….I don’t see the point in living… why? For what??? Why live if nothing works out and if you are a complete loser? I’m going to plan suicide... I want to apologize if I’m guilty of something... Support the site:
dimon, age: 21 years old / 09/24/2012
Responses:
Great. It’s difficult to say so without knowing the circumstances why you consider yourself a loser (by the way, if any person constantly repeats the phrase “I’m a loser” to himself, then only because of this he will most likely be a loser... This is self-hypnosis. I don’t know what you have there ... I can recommend reading the materials of this site https://www.realisti.ru/ Quite possibly they will help you. I hope that everything will be fine with you. God bless you!
Rusik, age: 23/25/09/2012
I don't understand why people think suicide can help? After all, no one knows what is there, beyond life, maybe it’s only worse there... But here, in this life, even if we ourselves feel bad, there are people around who may have things differently, there are happy people. This means happiness is possible, and this is already good. Here, in this life, happiness is possible. Of course, it may not be today or tomorrow, but it happens. Sometimes it seems to us that life has reached a dead end, but if you think about it, we live day after day, and every day brings us something new, albeit insignificant, but still our life changes every day, no one can know what will happen tomorrow, even if it seems that nothing good will happen, we are unable to make predictions. There are failures that hinder us, but if you imagine life as a long straight line, then each failure is just a point on that line. And if you look at this point from space, you may not notice it at all) There has never been such a person in the world for whom everything was always bad, and there is no need to consider yourself special).
anna, age: 24/25/09/2012
Hello Dima! I read your letter and think: does Dimon really evaluate his life by the number of “friends”. What is a friend to you? Someone you can have a drink and a snack with? )) Or the one to whom you can complain about your tinny life? Money cannot buy intangibles, but weakness of will leads to even greater weakness. You need to be able to make friends. Life teaches this through testing, it makes you understand who is a real friend and who is a fellow traveler... Dimon, believe me, you don’t know what real betrayal is that people experience. When they set you up for money or time in prison, your closest loved ones are abandoned in your moments of illness, and the people who owe you everything in life refuse to communicate with you. It's too early for you to draw conclusions. At 21, as a student at a prestigious university, I was the subject of ridicule from my “friends” among the golden boys, who mocked my poverty. Now I’m mocking them. And why should I hang myself and give these goats pleasure? )) Go forward, become stronger and believe me, you will find a circle of real and life-tested friends.
Misha, age: 31 / 09/25/2012
Dimochka, my sunshine, let’s better plan life in all its best manifestations. After death, there is nothing that you want - no love, no friendship, no joy. Alcohol will not solve problems. You just want everything and n, there can’t be too many of them now, it doesn’t happen like that. There is resentment in you, resentment from pride. You think that you deserve everything, but you don’t have it, and that’s why you suffer. You are worthy, just remember that no one owes you, everything is very simple. You are only 21 years old, and you write like a forty-year-old man who has been deprived by life. You're right, money is not everything in our life, just like friendship. The concept of friendship has somehow become very blurred in our time. That there is a friend, there can be only one friend; there are not many of them. Call God into your life and he will be everything to you. And when you live with God, then you will learn to live without focusing on who thinks what to you. No person can be higher than God, and when you despair of what those who simply do not understand you bring into your life, you put all this an order of magnitude higher than God. Yes, you need to love, be friends, but this is not the meaning of life, a person comes into this life alone and leaves alone. When everything is natural, it is from God and to God, but if you kill yourself, you will end up you know where. Don't be demanding of people, be demanding of yourself.
Olga, age: 51 / 09/25/2012
Previous request Next request Return to the beginning of the section
| print version |
Is entrepreneurship a type of genius?
Everything we talked about above made (especially with the “scoop”) an individual into a socially useful unit and consumer. In a rigidly structured society with a strong value system aimed at suppressing individuality, it is incredibly difficult to overcome resistance.
But with changes in the market and social situation, completely different models of behavior become in demand. We have long since moved to capitalism, which is based on entrepreneurship, but we have not yet completely rebuilt ourselves psychologically.
But in the USA, entrepreneurship is considered one of the types of genius. All state policies are aimed at supporting the entrepreneurial spirit and self-realization of every person.
After all, it is known that most new companies close in the first year of life and only a small number remain on the market and continue to operate. And in order for a business to develop, more and more new people must try themselves in entrepreneurship again and again.
Photo from the site incrussia.ru
So, if we return to our situation, then each of us somewhere in the unconscious has a picture of our successful future. If today (point A) we see our future (point B) and move towards it, then this is our vector of success. To help us, like a compass, is this picture and premonition of a life in which a person is happy, has realized himself and his talents, and lives the way he wants.
The main problem is to extract the picture that lies on the surface and determine the vector of development. Realize your own picture, understand what you want, and not those around you, parents, friends. Oddly enough, we very rarely ask ourselves the question: “What do I want?” It’s easier to live by someone else’s standards and patterns. And about a person with a “sense”, i.e. with a sense of themselves and their desires, they often say: “Lucky.” Although in reality every person has the right to happiness in the form in which he wants.
But throughout our lives, each of us develops certain “calluses”. This is the result of meetings and collisions with people and circumstances that paralyze the will and kill desires. They force us to deviate from our vector of success. Complexes play a big role in this dirty business - such clots of negative emotions and psychotraumas (hello to parents and school!). After all, if a situation does not end as desired, then it can torment for a long time, and a person mentally returns to it for many years.
How to become a winner: 7 simple tips
People often ask questions: “Is everyone capable of becoming a winner? And does society really need so many winning leaders?” Yes, definitely! But it is especially important that a person must become a leader, at least for himself. Once you overcome your own fears and complexes, life will sparkle with the colors of success.
To develop a winning mindset, consider these 7 tips:
1. You need to constantly study, study and study again. See difficult tasks as opportunities. Instead of exclaiming: “No, I can’t handle it! Presenting new products to clients is not my strong suit,” tell yourself that new experiences will provide an opportunity to expand your knowledge. Think of success as a process of learning new things, rather than instantly achieving the desired result.
2. Don't beat yourself up if you make a mistake. Just consider it part of the learning process. Replace the word “failure” with the word “lesson.” Try to learn from other people's mistakes.
3. Praise yourself for trying, trying, and being patient. Value hard work more than talent. The main thing in achieving a goal is your effort and willingness not to give up when faced with difficulties.
4. Develop determination and perseverance. These qualities are useful in all areas of life.
5. Admit failures. Talk openly about when and where you made a mistake and what conclusions you drew for the future. This behavior strengthens your bonds with others and creates sympathy.
6. Bet on your strengths. You can spend your whole life eliminating shortcomings, but the benefit from this will be less than from developing advantages. Winners understand this and don’t waste their time. They use it to strengthen their talents.
7. Set clear goals and develop strategies to achieve them. It is impossible to expect victories in your life while moving chaotically and inconsistently. Remember that the mind becomes sharper, more flexible and more creative when you exercise it. Just as physical effort is needed to build muscle strength, the intellect needs constant challenges and challenges to develop mental and emotional abilities. When you are faced with a problem that seems too difficult, trying to solve it will make you smarter.
A “Winning Mindset” allows you to develop your intelligence, talents and creativity. This is the most exciting way to live!
To broaden your horizons and strengthen your self-confidence, we recommend reading Robin Sharma’s book “The Leader Without a Title . In order not to spoil too much, we will briefly summarize our conclusion after reading: become the best in your profession, and then you will have something to talk about with your wife (girlfriend), parents and friends. After all, you are the best!
