Of course I have my own opinion! Maam, what is it like?
Ordinary infantile
Sometimes it seems that the modern world is stuck in childhood and growing up slower than before. Previously, children ran around in the yard unattended until nightfall, but now students cannot even get a job themselves - their mothers literally lead them by the hand to interviews.
Our feeling is generally correct - culture, living conditions, and attitudes towards growing up are changing. The upper limit of adolescence is shifting from 16 years to 18, or even 21 years. Higher education gives young people a reprieve not only from the army, but also from adult life. This is not to say that this is definitely bad. The child has time to grow up calmly, decide on goals, gain a bunch of useful skills, and enters the adult world prepared. But some people don't even grow up until they're 30 or 40 years old. Already an adult can behave like a teenager or a schoolboy. This childish behavior - infantilism - seriously interferes in life, work, society and in many other areas.
In today's article you will learn what infantilism is and where it comes from. Learn to distinguish a truly childish adult from a person who just likes to fool around, and you can test yourself for a tendency towards childish behavior. And, of course, you will learn how to become an adult and responsible.
What is she like, a mature woman?
The vast majority of people are of the opinion that an adult is any adult girl or boy. Over the years, young people become the owners of more and more rights. But every adult, in addition to rights, also has obligations. .
If you want to become an adult girl, then strive for constant movement. There is no need to expect any benefits from strangers. You must learn to do all your affairs and make the right decision yourself, without relying on anyone’s help, but relying only on your own strength.
The concept of an adult also includes independence. Every adult woman should be independent. You must build your life yourself, paying attention only to your own preferences and discretion. Any decision or action of an independent woman comes from herself, without taking into account the opinions of other people.
If there is too much connection and affection between a girl and her parents, which does not subside over the years, then it will be much more difficult to become independent. .
A woman who remains a girl does not have her own opinion, and the experience of wiser older people helps her make decisions. Adult women can listen to the opinion of a stranger, but they will do everything themselves, taking into account only their judgment, experience, and boldly taking responsibility.
Practical advice - how to become an adult girl
Do you want to become a truly independent woman? Then you need to become brave and learn to build your life through your own efforts, skills and actions.
- Know how to solve problems, not run away from them. There is no need to remember your childhood and hide from your difficulties and obstacles along the way. No problems can resolve themselves. And waiting for outside help, shifting all your worries onto someone else’s shoulders is not at all the act of an adult. A truly mature woman or man will always find a decent way out of any difficult situation;
- Know how to think with your own head. An adult should not have thoughts and desires to do something and speak according to the orders of older people. To become independent, you should not forget about your head, which should help solve problems and matters. Relatives love to give advice that you definitely need to listen to. But you must make the final decision yourself;
- Be more tolerant. ? . Become smarter, be more patient with the problems around you. Learn to think positively, think carefully about all your affairs and do not rush into action;
- . Many women and men remain convinced that they do not have to do everything themselves. And some wishes and whims can be fulfilled by loved ones. If you want to be an adult woman, then do not forget that those around you also have their own plans and interests, which they should not forget about for the sake of your whims. Therefore, before taking any step, you should not forget about the interests of your loved ones.
How to grow up
“To live means to change, to change means to grow up, and to grow up means to continually create yourself.” Henri Bergson Maturity of character and thinking do not come on their own. Being Peter Pan is fun and funny only the first time. If you don't grow up in time, you will forever be stuck in a state of uncertainty, doubt and youthful sloppiness.
Every person, especially men, needs to grow up. Then the time of its heyday will come. Can you grow up quickly in a year, month, week or one day? Yes. It is enough to change your way of thinking, habits and outlook on life. The next morning we wake up as completely different people.
How to grow up
1. Become independent
A person becomes an adult when he loses the desire to prove it to others. Stop acting to please or spite your parents. Stop relying on others and rely on others too. Other people can't decide everything for you. It's time to use your mind in making decisions. No one will help you but you. You yourself are responsible for life. Become independent, otherwise you won’t grow up.
2. Quit smoking
Smoking in youth seemed like a rebellious act and a sign of growing up. But in reality, it's a smelly, expensive, and unhealthy habit. Lung cancer, yellow teeth and unhealthy complexion are the reality of a smoker.
3. Find yourself
Sitting on your parents' necks is completely wrong, as is lying on the sofa. It's time to decide what you want to do. There is no need to look for reasons to justify laziness and unwillingness to change your life for the better. Do it and don't whine. No one will do everything for you. Problems will not be solved on their own.
How to make yourself better today?
4. Stop eating all that nonsense
Fast food and irregular meals seem commonplace, but this is exactly what takes away strength and leads to a loss of energy. Regular and healthy eating is the key to a full and fulfilling life.
5. Pull yourself together
Manage your time wisely. Wasting time on drinking, parties, computer games, laziness and other aimless activities is flushing life down the toilet. It's time to be more responsible. Keep an eye on your finances, your health, exercise, and spend time sleeping. Don’t go wherever you’re asked, don’t lie to yourself, don’t promise the impossible, don’t hope for a miracle, don’t blame for the past, don’t be afraid of doctors, don’t get nervous over trifles. Pull yourself together and start growing up.
6. Stop drinking too much
Regular consumption of alcohol can be considered a chronic disease called alcoholism. Alcohol not only makes your wallet lighter, but also makes you less competitive in this world. Stop drinking too much, it leads to troubles, headaches and lack of a good sex life.
7. Become more mature
Living with parents until old age? There always comes a time when you have to get out of the parental nest. It's time to be independent. Bro, grow up!
8. Find your other half
Dating sites or the Tinder app can introduce you to thousands of people. But 99% of the time it will be a failed relationship. Looking for a girl in a club for a serious relationship, rather than sex, is also naive. Don't do nonsense. Good girls can be met on the street or in transport. But remember that ideal people do not exist.
Growing up is understanding yourself as an individual, awareness of your desires and responsibility for what is happening around you.
It's time to grow up, bro!
What should a girl do to become an adult in a relationship?
In order for any relationship to work out, you need to learn a few things:
- Be able to fulfill all your promised words;
- Forget about unnecessary whims;
- Avoid swearing and scandals;
- Maintain control over your emotional state;
- Maintain punctuality;
- Do not take spontaneous actions.
Any relationship between adults should be built without the presence of anger and depression. ? . You must learn to think in the right direction and make fair decisions yourself. And for this you need to be able to criticize your actions and accept criticism from others with dignity.
If you managed to do all this, then the partner in your relationship will be pleasantly surprised and delighted. No man will take seriously a girl with numerous whims. . Change, but gradually!
What actions are not a sign of growing up?
. In fact, intimacy with a man, being a simple physiological process, will not help you become an adult. Therefore, you should not give away your innocence and youth at the first opportunity.
Another misunderstanding of growing up is the desire to radically change your image. Of course, you should always take care of your appearance. But external changes must correspond to internal development. Otherwise, you may turn out to be a grown lady on the outside and a little girl on the inside.
When deciding to become a truly adult, a girl should not take radical measures in the form of breaking the law or bad habits. Using alcohol and drugs can only ruin your health and confirm the presence of a child’s mind.
. An adult refuses everything dangerous and evil based on his own opinion and desire, and not because someone older says so.
Causes of infantilism
Overprotectiveness
Children are born helpless and completely dependent on their parents. Normally, as the child grows older, he gradually separates and learns to be independent. Walking, eating, dressing, putting away toys, packing a school bag, planning time for lessons, etc. If parents interfere with a child in this process - they decide for him when he is cold, what clothes to choose, protect him from natural consequences * - then the child simply will not gain the skills of choice and planning, and will not learn to take responsibility for his actions. Of course, this is often just a sign of caring, but it can prevent the child from growing up.
Note. *Natural consequences are what help an adult regulate his behavior. For example, an adult knows that if he throws a phone at the wall out of anger, he will break it. A broken phone and extra expenses in this case are natural consequences. If a child is constantly protected from such natural consequences (for example, they make crafts at night because the child forgot to write down the task in his diary), then the child will not learn to regulate his behavior. He will not understand what this or that action may lead to.
Important! Natural consequences must be age-appropriate and safe for life and health.
Despotism in education
Has a similar effect. Parents decide for the child what to think, feel and do; this deprives him of the opportunity to learn to act independently.
Pedagogical neglect
Oddly enough, the complete freedom of action given to a child can also lead to the person not growing up. Normally, the skill of independence develops gradually as the brain grows and matures. Therefore, the burden of responsibility may turn out to be unbearable, and the grown-up child will try to throw it off at the first opportunity.
Note. In early childhood it is premature to talk about infantility. All children have poor control over their emotions and actions, do not know how to look far ahead, etc. Infantility can only be suspected from adolescence.
Diffidence
A person who does not believe in his own strength will refuse to make decisions, refuse responsibility for his actions, and refuse to take any action. Why try if it doesn't work anyway?
Infantilism as a symptom of disease
Separately, it is worth talking about infantility as a symptom of various diseases and physiological pathologies. For example, iron deficiency can affect general well-being, a person becomes lethargic, feels constant weakness, which is why he refuses to make decisions, etc. Infantility can also accompany anxiety and depressive disorders. In these cases, a person is simply unable to do anything, either due to fear and anxiety, or due to a lack of vitality. Please take care of yourself and watch out for these diseases.
We have listed only the main, most obvious reasons. In fact, there may be more of them and they are not always obvious. Therefore, working with manifestations rather than searching for causes will bring greater results. So what distinguishes an adult from a psychological child? By what signs can we understand that a person has not yet matured?
Is it worth growing up?
Some women, aware of their infantility, like this life. . Close people who have already gotten used to it also do not consider it necessary to change anything. It is not difficult for them to always be there and provide their help at the right moment. A woman who remains a little girl does not have to be independent: she does not need to do anything, think or make any decisions; she can weave intrigues, live at the expense of others, and commit stupid and rash acts. And therefore, not every person is ready to say goodbye to such a comfortable and problem-free life.
But close people will not always be there, and a girl-woman will have to be left alone sooner or later. So what should we do then? How to cope with problems and affairs yourself if you have no experience?
. Become an adult and you will gain confidence in your abilities.
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You have long been “for...”, but you still behave childishly. The saddest thing is that you don't notice it. No, you don’t refuse to eat porridge and don’t wear bows on your head. You just look at the world around you from a child's point of view. As you know, we all come from childhood. And in each of us, even in adulthood, something childish, sweet and touching remains. No wonder they say: “Be like children!”
Childhood is the ability to be surprised by the world and perceive its brightness and novelty. This is the ability to be spontaneous, the ability to reveal your feelings to others... And this is wonderful. But sooner or later the time comes when we have to take responsibility for what happens in our lives. And this is where it sometimes turns out that we are not at all ready for this. We are used to having someone decide something for us throughout our lives. And, having escaped from under the parental wing, we are again looking for a person who will take responsibility for us. It could be a man, a friend, a neighbor or a colleague...
Well, what's wrong with that, you say. Yes, in essence, nothing. As long as it doesn't lead to drama. And it will all end in conflict, divorce, dismissal from work... Because the other person will refuse to answer for you, he has enough of his own problems.
What actions are typical for a “woman-child”? For example, you defiantly pout your lips and stop talking to your husband if, in your opinion, he has committed some kind of offense, instead of discussing the current situation... You throw a tantrum and stomp your feet, trying to get them to buy you a new fur coat or take you to on vacation to wherever you want... You are capricious and demand one thing or another from others... You cry if someone offends you... You remember the offense for a long time, even if it is completely trivial... You always blame only other people for your troubles and never yourself...
Do you have any doubts? Watch your vocabulary. Phrases often slip through it: “I don’t want to and I won’t!”, “I’ll do it to spite you!”, “I’ll show you!”, “I’ll remember this for you!”, “I’ll never forgive you!”, “ It’s all your fault!”, “It’s all her fault!” In addition, you love to tell people that you are currently hot, stuffy, cold, that you want to eat, drink, go to the toilet, have a headache, are tired, and in general, you are uncomfortable... And they are obliged to provide you with comfort, no matter what it costs them... After all, a child usually does not think about the convenience of other people, because due to his youth he is not able to think about it, he simply says that he feels bad and expects adults to fix the problem.
Another characteristic feature of female “girls” is to call everyone by diminutive names. After all, if there are only cozy “Lenochkas” and “Marinochkas” around, then our “girl” feels safe. By the way, those around her pay her in the same coin. If at the age of forty everyone calls you Irochka or Mashenka, then there is something to think about, because “a small dog is a puppy until old age.” Most likely, you are simply not taken seriously.
Many “girls” are good in their role, and they remain in it until old age. But in most cases problems arise. The husband is tired of the whims and unpredictability of his wife-child. A friend gets tired of listening to complaints about how everyone offends her, the unfortunate one. Colleagues may get tired of redoing poorly done work for a “girl” or covering for her when she flies off to another date instead of work. Attempts to have a heart-to-heart conversation usually lead to new grievances. The “girl” just can’t understand why everyone is up in arms against her, who is so good...
Science fiction writers Marina and Sergei Dyachenko have a wonderful novel “Migrant”, the action of which takes place on a planet whose inhabitants take the Test - an exam for the right to “be their own masters”. This means taking responsibility, controlling yourself. Those who do not pass the exam become “dependent”, someone else is responsible for them, they are limited in the right to control their own destiny.
So who do you want to be - “your own mistress” or
"addicted"? A child or an adult woman? If you still choose the latter, then you should first of all recognize that your destiny depends on you personally, and not on someone else. That you and your husband are building a family on equal terms; that you have work responsibilities that no one will do for you; that your relationship with your mother-in-law or neighbor is not going well and it is also your fault; that children drive you into a coffin not because they are inherently bad, but also because you raised them that way; and, finally, that no one owes you anything for nothing.
Once you realize this, ask yourself, “What can I do to change my situation?” It is “I”, not “others”! Develop a plan, start acting, taking into account not only your own interests, but also the interests of other people. And it is possible that everything will really change for the better.
Author: Zhanna Kazakova
