How to overcome fear and phobias yourself - ways to fight

5 1847 May 11, 2020 at 11:34 pm Author of the publication: Evgenia Astreinova, psychologist

Just before the door I shuddered, as if I had been hit by a machine gun fire. Sticky sweat streamed down her face so that the collar of her blouse could be twisted. As luck would have it, cold, shaking hands groped in the bag for anything except napkins. Lord, how to overcome fear and calm down, huh? Keys, wallet, documents... Where are the napkins, damn them?!

The door swung open, and an overweight woman with a stern face flew out: “Girl, are you going for an interview? Do you have your resume?"

Having difficulty connecting the words, I mumbled that I was in the wrong office and started running down the stairs. The heels made a drumbeat, and tears streamed down his face. Washing off the makeup I spent the whole morning on. And at the same time, all the hopes that this time I will be able to cope with the feelings of anxiety and fear.

I could not. I couldn't cope. My dream job will go to someone else again. And my life will remain a complete hell, where I am afraid of my own shadow. Why am I being punished like this?

Psychology of fear

Most psychologists are of the opinion that fear of something is a negative emotion, and in small quantities it is even useful for a person. In other words, having phobias is normal and is not a psychological disorder. However, this does not mean that you don’t need to fight fears, you need to live with them.

If an occasional panic attack or constant feeling of anxiety becomes a real problem, it needs to be addressed. Fear is an internal state of a person that arises during a period of real (or imagined) danger.

Fears and various types of doubts overcome everyone without exception, but not every one of them can turn into an obsessive phobia. Fear cannot be turned off, otherwise a person simply will not survive. However, it can be overpowered or gradually defeated.

This negative emotion has positive and negative sides. At the moment of danger, the human body is capable of releasing adrenaline, which will help to survive and overcome difficulties.

Scientists also admit the presence of genetic abnormalities that leave the body unprotected. Such phenomena lead to suicidal tendencies.

Weapons against monsters in the head

The trouble is that feelings of fear and anxiety arise contrary to common sense and reasonable arguments. You simply cannot resist the impulse of your heart, which instantly flies to your heels. How to overcome fear and panic if you have no idea why they arise in the first place?

Fortunately, today there is an absolute weapon against the monsters in our own heads. No, it’s not “make friends with your fear” or “act like you’re brave.” Life in the modern world requires us to possess a much more powerful weapon - psychological literacy.

Knowledge about all the unconscious mechanisms that control our psyche is fully disclosed in System-Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan. With its help, you can look into any recesses of the soul and find out exactly where the feeling of anxiety and fear comes from.

Why are people afraid

Before asking the question “how to overcome fear,” you should find out what it is and why it is necessary.

Fear of the dark - what is this phobia called, why does fear arise and how to fight it

Negative emotion is aimed at warning a person about danger. Depending on the situation, fear forces you to take appropriate actions, for example, to run away or fall into a stupor.

However, panic or anxiety does not always arise for factual reasons. There are two types of fear:

1. Normal;
2. Irrational.

Important! It should be clearly distinguished whether panic is justified. It is normal for a person to stay away from a tree that is about to collapse. It is not normal if he tries to stay away from all the trees.

Negative emotion presents positive and negative experiences for people. First of all, the main thing is to protect the body from death. In what other cases will emotion be useful:

• Fear of heights – warns a person against falling;
• The reluctance to get sick forces you to warm yourself in the cold season;
• Fear of the dark - warns against meeting robbers and rapists at night;
• Fear of pain, the unknown - forces you to be careful or stay away from dangerous objects or creatures (animals, for example);
• The production of the hormone serotonin has a positive effect on muscles;
• Adrenaline rush – makes the body and mind work faster.

Without fear, humanity simply would not survive. However, not all of its manifestations are positive. Negative consequences of a panic attack include:

• Numbness – stiffness of movement;
• Cardiopalmus;
• It becomes difficult to breathe;
• Thoughts are confused, it is difficult to make a decision, to calm down.

So how to overcome fear and is it necessary to do it? This is required if the fear becomes too great, uncontrollable and turns into a phobia. In this case, we can talk about a psychological disorder that should be treated.

There are a large number of phobias: fear of fire, water, death, insects. It matters what caused the fear. In any case, it negatively affects the quality of life. Fear should be overcome gradually, without rushing.

Fear of fire

NLP - overcoming anxiety and fear

/ Home / Fear, anxiety, phobias / Overcoming anxiety and fear / NLP

How to overcome fear and self-doubt?

(NLP in overcoming anxiety and fears)

One of the very common NLP terms is “anchor ”. An “anchor” is a conditioned stimulus that was once or more times in the past combined with an important event for a person and caused a particular psycho-physiological state. In real life, we repeatedly encounter similar phenomena, sometimes without even paying attention to them. It happens that the smell of eau de toilette, accidentally perceived in the crowded subway, suddenly lifts our mood, and other times it irreversibly spoils it. This may be due to the fact that one toilet water was used by a person dear to us, and the second by an unloved boss. If the degree of influence of the smell on our sense of smell is insignificant (we fleetingly pass through a cloud of aroma), then we may not even understand what, in fact, happened, noting only a sudden and “inexplicable” change in mood. Such an anchor could be a melody heard accidentally, a name spoken in a conversation, or a photograph found in a personal archive. Conventionally, “anchors” can be divided into “positive” and “negative” (based on the emotions they evoke), as well as “visual”, “auditory” or “bodily” (based on the sensations involved).

As psychologists say, “fear is learning on the first try.” This means that with a powerful emotional shock that accompanies strong fear, any signal preceding it will automatically become an “anchor” and will cause corresponding experiences. For example, if a person felt bad with his heart when he entered an elevator, or a woman was sexually assaulted in a dark entrance, then in the first case, claustrophobia is highly likely to occur, and in the second, an obsessive fear of the dark. The fact that some signals can cause negative emotions in us over and over again, of course, does not inspire much joy, but we should not forget that there are also “positive anchors ”. There have been many moments in every person’s life when he experienced powerful positive emotions: joy, confidence, fearlessness or calmness, and with the help of NLP it is possible to use “positive anchors” to induce these states at the right time at will. “resources” in NLP Thus, with the help of “positive anchors” we can give a person the necessary resources to overcome anxiety and fear, extracting them from his own past. For example, a student has an exam tomorrow. He is afraid of him because he is unsure of his knowledge. His uncertainty will, firstly, prevent him from answering, and, secondly, will give the examiner the impression that the student did not study well during the academic semester. Thus, fear and uncertainty reduce the chances of successfully passing the exam. Now, if it were possible, with the wave of a magic wand, to give this student confidence... After all, every person in his life has experienced this feeling more than once: with peers, with his younger brother, with his own dog, finally! Now, if you took the confidence that you felt two months ago, demonstrating to your girlfriend how to roller skate, and transferred it to the chemistry exam, the fear would immediately decrease by half, and the professor would probably be impressed by your conviction in own knowledge, a relaxed demeanor that says a lot to the interlocutor.

How is this possible, you ask? After all, the past is already irretrievably lost to us? Fortunately, no. All the necessary states of soul are stored in our memory for years and can be quickly retrieved using special techniques. Of course, if possible, I would recommend seeking help from a certified NLP master, but if this is not possible (let’s assume that there is no such thing in your city or village, or the cost of his services is beyond your means), you can do some techniques yourself.

First, let's try to do an exercise called “resource anchoring.” It will allow you to draw from your own past the energy and abilities needed at certain times in life when existing resources are not enough to successfully solve a problem.

1. Sit comfortably in a chair or on a chair in a secluded place (over time, after constant training, you will learn to call the necessary resources anywhere and at any time - even on a bus during rush hours, but first it is advisable that no one did not interfere). Think about a situation where you were afraid, worried, or anxious.

2. Think about what state you would like to be in at that moment or what quality would be very useful to you in that negative situation (confidence, determination, perseverance, courage, creativity, etc.). Choose from this series a quality that, if possessed, would make you an honorable winner in a difficult situation.

3. When you have selected the necessary resources for yourself, turn to your past experience and, from many real situations, choose an episode of your life in which you showed the desired quality. Try to choose memories that have the greatest clarity and intensity. (If it seems to you that you have not experienced such a state in your life or did not possess the necessary quality, you can imagine your friend or a movie character who has a similar quality and mentally put yourself in his place).

4. When you have a real (or, worse, but acceptable, imagined) situation where you have the necessary resources, begin selecting “anchors” that will trigger resource states at your request.

The first version of the anchor is bodily (as a rule, it is the most powerful). For example, you can firmly grab your left wrist or interlace your fingers in a special way, or touch your earlobe - the only important thing is that this “anchor” is not a habitual gesture for you.

The second anchor option is auditory. It can be a word or phrase spoken to oneself. This could be any word or sound, such as “elephant” or tongue clicking, but it would be better if it meaningfully reflected the state you were looking for and reminded you of the required resource. For example, to work with fears, the word “Courage!”, pronounced with the appropriate intonation, would be better suited; to overcome indecision, the word “Confidence!” etc.

The third anchor option is visual. This could be the sight of a specific object (a thread on your wrist, a handkerchief) or a mental image of a situation where you have already demonstrated the necessary resource.

5. We proceed to linking the selected anchors with the desired state. Return in your imagination to that situation from your past in which the desired quality was present. Remember where you were then and what you were doing. Try to reconstruct the surrounding environment in as much detail as possible, see in your mind's eye the people who were near you then, hear the sounds and voices that sounded then, and experience the feelings associated with that situation. Since you showed qualities worthy of respect in that situation, enjoy the memory longer and do not rush to return to the present. When the memories come to their peak, and you again, as then, have access to the necessary resources (feeling confidence or courage, or calmness...), use the anchors you have chosen: bodily, visual or auditory (for example, touch your wrist, remember corresponding visual image and say the word “Confidence!”). The anchor should be engaged before the highest point of experience and last for several seconds.

6. Return from your memories to reality and check which anchor works best for you (different people have different visual, auditory or bodily anchors, and you need to decide which one to use in a problematic situation). Make the necessary gesture and see how clearly the desired feeling comes to you, how expressed it is. Then use the sound anchor (say the keyword) and compare the sensations. Check your visual anchor in the same way. Evaluate which anchor works best. If the strength of its influence does not satisfy you, go back to the past again - to the same situation or another and again feel or experience feelings of confidence (courage, calmness, etc.) The more times you combine the anchor and the desired sensations, the stronger they are will connect in your consciousness and the more reliably this anchor will call them in the future.

7. Now return again to the original situation that caused you unpleasant feelings (fear, uncertainty, anxiety, etc.). Think about what served as the precursor to the unpleasant feelings? What signals made you afraid? Maybe it’s the door of your immediate boss’s office, maybe it’s the sight of exam papers on the table, maybe it’s the voice of the person you’re embarrassed about... Now imagine in your mind how an unpleasant situation begins to unfold, and when it reaches this critical moment, present the prepared anchor ( for example, grab your wrist or say the word “Courage!” to yourself in a firm voice). Feel how dramatically your condition will change, how much better you will begin to feel! Repeat this several times to reinforce it in your subconscious. Now the signal that previously put you in a stressful state will give you courage and self-confidence.

How to win over fear

First of all, to understand how to overcome your fear, you need to accept it. This is the first step towards deliverance. You cannot deny it, it will lead to even more suffering and difficulties. Also, you shouldn’t isolate yourself and pretend that it simply doesn’t exist.

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How to deal with fear? Basic questions to answer:

• Why am I afraid of this?
• Is it really worth being afraid?
• Does this fear have a beginning?
• What is scarier: fear itself or the inability to achieve something, get what you want?

This is how, in small steps, you can cope with your inner nightmares.

Important! In this case, we are not talking about the complete elimination of fear, but about uncontrollable phobias that can prevent a person from living and existing normally in society.

Increased self-esteem

Phobias often arise due to low self-esteem. The first time a person tries to do something, he fails on the second or third attempt. So there is a feeling that he is not capable of anything. Gradually, this feeling can develop into a real phobia.

Often, overcoming fear lies in increasing confidence in your own abilities. If everything doesn’t work out the first or even the tenth time, you shouldn’t despair and panic.

Fears also arise from the opinion that a person is not someone outstanding, he is just a gray mass, of which there are thousands. Thoughts like these trigger emotions that are the hardest to get rid of. What is the way to deal with fear in this case? Do not forget that everyone is an individual with their own thoughts, aspirations, and desires.

Increasing self-esteem and self-confidence is a difficult and long journey. If a person wants to become confident and get rid of his own “demons”, he needs to find the main reason for all this and move away from it. This is the only way to achieve success, to become a happy, sociable and free person again.

Increased self-esteem

Don't be afraid of criticism

Fear of condemnation (criticism) is a type of phobia that prevents you from moving forward and developing. It becomes especially acute when there is a need to demonstrate the result of work or one’s own skills. It is especially pronounced in front of an audience or when a new student arrives on the first day of school. How to overcome fear?

First of all, you should not focus on the possible future (condemnation). Do not try to bring everything to the ideal (absolute). Everyone makes mistakes and corrects them to the best of their ability. This is especially true for creativity.

A step-by-step option on how to overcome your own self-doubt:

• I have the right to make mistakes;
• You can't achieve perfection. A brief victory is better than nothing;
• Failure is also a lesson;
• Praise is good, but I don't need other people's approval. By seeking someone else's approval, you can lose your self;
• My wants are just as important as other people's needs;
• Everyone is responsible for their own actions.

Important! Also, do not be afraid of criticism itself and perceive it as something negative. Criticism is also advice that, if taken correctly, will help you improve yourself.

Praise yourself more

Many psychologists, TV presenters and other experts say that you need to praise yourself. Why you should do this more often:

• Action at the subconscious level. When a person praises himself, in response his consciousness tries to present more and more reasons for this;
• Good words (even spoken to yourself) automatically lift your spirits;
• Putting an end to the matter - this is how the brain understands that the work is completed, and no more physical and emotional resources need to be spent on it;
• Increased self-esteem - self-confidence appears, this helps to fight fears.

There are many more reasons why you can and should praise yourself. However, regarding phobias, praise has the most powerful argument. A calm, balanced person ceases to experience uncontrollable fears that prevent him from living normally and moving on.

How to praise yourself

Support from loved ones

Many people, despite their best efforts, are unable to cope with fear on their own. How then to overcome your fear in this case? The most effective solution would be to contact a qualified specialist - a psychologist.

However, there is another option - the help of family and friends. Sometimes a simple conversation and a story about your own experiences is enough to make things easier. Don't turn down a friendly hug or just a quiet evening in the company of your loved one. Even an adult should not be embarrassed to seek advice from his mother or father.

Important! Close and dear people are able to support where everyone else turns away.

Help from relatives

Set goals

Sometimes just a specific goal and a clearly made decision are enough to cope with phobias. Fears give rise to doubts, and a person who clearly knows what he is striving for is deprived of them. In this case, the well-known proverb “The eyes are afraid, but the hands are doing” is suitable.

It should also be remembered that fear is a negative emotion, desire for something is positive. A positive attitude will help you get rid of self-doubt and improve your mood.

Other ways to overcome fear

How else to get rid of a phobia? Experts offer a lot of options for dealing with your own fears that prevent you from living a normal life. The main thing is to devote enough time to yourself to understand and frankly admit your weaknesses.

How you can remove fear from your life:

1. Don't be afraid to ask other people for advice and learn from their mistakes. Many are afraid to fly, others faint at the sight of blood, but everyone tries to cope with it;
2. Taking care of your own body. Not only psychological, but also physical condition matters. It is worth doing gymnastics, jogging in the morning, visiting the pool or gym. The mood will lift, bad thoughts will go away by themselves;
3. Various relaxation techniques relieve anxiety. It is worth attending a meditation class, yoga, or using other relaxing techniques that help relieve stress;
4. It is worth remembering your small victories. Every pleasant little thing matters (as does praise). Any progress, no matter how insignificant, is a step in a given direction;
5. Train your courage or face your fear. This can sometimes be difficult to do, but it is necessary. If a person experiences panic when speaking in public, it is worth first practicing in front of your friends and family. Fear of the dark can be treated with a dim night light.

Lifelong torment

Feelings of fear and anxiety have gone hand in hand with me for as long as I can remember. As a child, it took the form of monsters hiding under the bed. Hiding in dark shadows in every dark corner. Childhood is long over, and to this day I cannot sleep without a night light.

The real world scared me no less than the fictional one. Huge spiders in the corner of my grandmother's house simply made my blood run cold. And I will probably remember the bat that flashed in front of my very nose in the twilight until the Last Judgment.

But the “crown of everything” is, of course, people. How to overcome your fear of them? No, they didn't do anything particularly bad to me. However, like spiders and bats. I know that my feelings of fear and anxiety defy rational explanation. I'm scared to talk, ask a question, just get to know each other. There are days that it’s even scary to leave the house. What happened with me? How to overcome fear and crawl out of the hole into the light of day?

How to find the cause of fear

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There are a large number of reasons for the occurrence of phobias. They are usually separated based on age, social status, gender, and character traits. A woman is afraid for her child, a man may be afraid of driving a car.

Even irrational fear often has its roots in the most mundane sources. Conventionally, the causes of phobia can be divided into the following:

• Congenital or genetic. Another designation is the collective unconscious. Such fears have been formed for a long time in the human psyche and are passed on from parents to children. Such fears include fear of predators, natural disasters, fire and much more. This type of phobia has allowed people to survive for thousands of years. In ordinary times a person does not think about them;
• Acquired - those that appeared as a result of a strong shock or incident. Severe fear, for example due to a fight, can lead to the emergence of an “anchor”, which will cause fear in a stressful situation;
• Imaginary – created by the mind and imagination. Such phobias can arise under the influence of the Internet and television. As a rule, a person is afraid of something unknown, but possibly existing.

Help and advice from a psychologist

How to deal with fear, what do psychologists say about this? It is necessary to treat phobias only if they are truly diagnosed as psychological diseases.

How to overcome your fears? What else do psychologists recommend:

• You shouldn’t deny your inner nightmares - acceptance will help you come to terms with and get used to what helps you survive;
• Self-analysis helps to achieve comfort and find inner peace;
• Rationalize your phobias; it’s normal to be afraid of fire or an airplane, but uncontrolled fantasies that make you fall into a stupor require treatment;
• You should avoid unnecessary contact with your own “nightmares.” If a person is afraid of heights, there is no need to try to send him on a hot air balloon flight in order to overcome his fear. Such decisions may do more harm than good;
• It helps to communicate with people who have the same feelings. Perhaps they can share their experience of dealing with their own phobias;
• Don't try to suppress the emotion.

Help from a psychologist

Every person experiences fear. This could be the fear of loneliness, death, illness and many other things. How to overcome phobias? Natural - you should accept and perceive them as a normal reaction to the world around you. It is impossible to completely free yourself from phobias, but you can learn to control them.