How to respond to criticism
Everyone loves to receive compliments, praise, high marks and all kinds of encouragement for a job well done. Another thing is criticism. The slightest reproach puts us on full alert and is met with hostility.
And if they criticize undeservedly, then indignation flares up with redoubled force. Criticism, as you know, is on point, and undeserved. Or constructive and destructive. What is the difference, and what might be the consequences? Do you need to defend yourself and in what situations?
Is it worth it to somehow react to the boss’s screams, like “Oh God! Who do I have to work with!”, or is it better to remain silent? We will try to give comprehensive answers to all these questions in this article.
How to distinguish constructive criticism from destructive?
Psychologist David Stosny offers a special checklist.
Destructive criticism:
- focuses on the negative consequences of the actions of the person being criticized, blaming him for mistakes;
- emotionally (negatively) colored;
- emphasizes the personal shortcomings of the person being criticized;
- devalues the person being criticized;
- imposes the point of view of the critic, presenting it as the only correct one.
Constructive criticism (or feedback):
- positively colored and practical (focuses on how something can be improved and corrected - on solving the problem);
- appeals not to the personality of the person being criticized, but exclusively to behavioral patterns and actions that are suboptimal for him and those around him;
- emphasizes that the person being criticized has the power to improve everything / achieve more / improve something;
- leaves the critic the right to choose what to do.
Svetlana Vladimirovna, Uberdrive 06.26.2018, 15:44
great, only criticism should always be appropriate, and since many managers use criticism as nothing more than a tool of self-expression and self-affirmation.
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Igor Kukshin 06.26.2018, 15:44
I’m afraid that if you say “I’ll think about your words,” you will already be kicked out of work by that time)
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Svetlana Vladimirovna, Uberdrive 06.26.2018, 16:19
Maybe
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Lyubov Vladimirovna, Child 06.26.2018, 16:07
There is the concept of “criticism”, and there is “blame”. If a person is late for work three times in a week, what kind of criticism can we talk about? It's time to introduce fines. And don’t think about whether the person will be offended or not!
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Svetlana Vladimirovna, Uberdrive 06.26.2018, 16:20
why fines? Maybe it’s worth understanding why a person is late?
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Igor Kukshin 06.27.2018, 09:33
It’s not time, it’s better to transfer the person to a flexible work schedule
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Svetlana Vladimirovna, Uberdrive 06.28.2018, 18:15
Agree.)
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Alexander Liseenko 07/06/2018, 14:47
You can impose fines only if these same fines are specified in the employment contract. Everything else is illegal.
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Alexander Filimonov 06.26.2018, 17:27
One of the few truly useful publications.
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Taras Kinakh 06.26.2018, 18:09
The sandwich technique should be adopted
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Dogadaev Vladimir Ignatievich, Odessa Cannery, Production Association, ChAO 06.26.2018, 19:22
Very useful tips. But what to do if the manager constantly puts pressure on the psyche with criticism, constantly looking for reasons, sometimes sucking the problem out of his finger and never paying attention to achievements for encouragement. They just give up after communication.
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Svetlana Vladimirovna, Uberdrive 06.26.2018, 21:16
namely, personality is transferred to the work process.
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Oksana Baturkina 06.26.2018, 21:43
So, then remind him of your achievements yourself so that he doesn’t forget. Stand up for yourself as a person and as an employee who is valuable and useful in your own eyes. First of all, you must be sure of this yourself.
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Volodymyr Savchenko 06.27.2018, 14:54
Marvel at your posad and vote for her. Specify the terms of the work, plus add at least 50% of the hour!
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Denis Zhdanov 06/26/2018, 21:01
If you are “Criticized by your colleagues” then you should not care, but if you are a manager then you should think about it. Since he pays you money, but it’s somehow a bolt on his colleagues. Although when colleagues are smart then you can listen to them, but this rarely happens
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Svetlana Vladimirovna, Uberdrive 06/26/2018, 21:17
The atmosphere in the team affects the productivity of the employee.
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Valentina Ogoiko 06.28.2018, 10:54
Golden words!
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Iruna Tunuk 06.26.2018, 22:29
Vladimir, don’t be cruel. If one criticizes, it is not because of self-indulgence that there may be problems. The axis sticks to anyone. If you show less respect, you will criticize less.
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Iruna Tunuk 06.26.2018, 22:37
If criticism is constructive, it will be correct. If he simply criticizes, looks for reasons for something, then nothing appears. When he criticizes someone, he first criticizes himself.
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Ilona Minyailenko 06.26.2018, 23:38
After criticism, you need to think about everything calmly, and I am sure that there is 50% truth in this. A person who calmly accepts criticism is able to develop and work on mistakes, and this is already 90% of success
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Volodymyr Monosyuk 06.27.2018, 13:34
It’s much simpler - there should always be mutual respect. The golden rule of morality has not been canceled.
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Nadezhda Bublik 06.27.2018, 15:28
After criticism, the main thing is that mutual respect and normal relationships remain.
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Tsyplyatnikova Elena Leonidovna, Marat, park hotel 06.28.2018, 14:40
Thank you for the article
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Dogadaev Vladimir Ignatievich, Odessa Cannery, Production Association, ChAO 06.28.2018, 17:08
Thanks for the comment and advice. The conclusion suggests itself. — The employee is a promising and responsible worker who copes with his responsibilities, but every year he receives additional workload at neighboring facilities. Over time, an employee who is accustomed to doing quality work becomes sewn up. Physically he can’t cope, although he tries. Willy-nilly becoming a radish. I missed something here, didn’t finish it there, didn’t check it there, etc.. Works seven days a week, and has more comments than other starters. departments Which damn people can afford during the season and weekends and fishing, etc. How to throw off some of the additional responsibilities without offending the employer and maintaining your salary.
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How to respond to destructive criticism?
- Don't respond to criticism with criticism. To many, this seems like a natural defense strategy, but in reality it can lead to increased conflict, which means even more stress. Instead, if you are sure that the criticism is not valid, try to end the conversation as quickly as possible. Say in as calm a tone as possible that you disagree with the other person, and try to move away from him. Or try to cheat (this method is useful if you do not want to anger the critic): say that you will try to think about the complaints made to you in your spare time.
- Give yourself permission not to react to criticism if you understand that it will take too much energy from you. Contrary to popular belief, you are not at all obligated to defend yourself or defend your honor and dignity - you should do what makes you more comfortable psychologically.
- Remember that although the main goal of destructive criticism is to hurt you , the critic does not always blame you without reason. No matter how difficult it may be, try to listen to what your interlocutor is saying. It may turn out that you really offended the person with something, and he is trying to convey it to you in such a clumsy form. Offer to discuss the situation in a calmer tone. If necessary, admit your guilt and apologize, try to find a solution that suits both of you. Don't judge yourself too harshly, remember: like any person, you have the right to make mistakes.
Types of aggression
You can choose different types of reactions in response to criticism:
- Destructive - aimed at destroying relationships.
- Constructive - allowing them to be preserved (or at least give these relationships a chance to be preserved).
Destructive options are not too diverse; usually the choice is limited to two main models of behavior.
You can sharply distance yourself from the critic - run away, slam the door, show him the exit.
Or shut up, withdraw into yourself, demonstrating resentment, not allowing other people to reach you and harm you in some way.
The disadvantage of this approach is obvious: the conflict is not resolved, it is only moving into some kind of protracted stage, and it is difficult to say how the situation will turn out in the future.
The second destructive way to show aggression to counter criticism is to retaliate.
A person fights back against the offender, he defends himself and his living space, but this does not make the problems any less.
How to respond to constructive criticism?
- Inhale and exhale. Criticism, even if not aggressive, is stressful; it triggers the “fight or flight” defense mechanism: adrenaline is released into the blood, we lose the ability to think rationally, and it becomes more difficult to benefit from feedback. Controlling your breathing will prevent stress from increasing and will help you focus on the task you need.
- Ask as many questions as possible. This will force your brain to work in a constructive manner, you will not slip into aggression and you will be able to learn more valuable information from your interlocutor. And also make sure that you understand correctly: they are not attacking you, they want to help you.
- If you can’t calm down, take a break. Tell your interlocutor that all his comments and suggestions are very interesting, but you need to think about them. Then take a piece of paper and jot down everything he advised you (focus on facts and practical thoughts, not emotions). Analyze how adequate and applicable they are. If their implementation requires the help of the one who criticized you, do not hesitate to ask for it - having decided to give advice, the person has already taken responsibility for the situation and may be psychologically ready to help in practice.
- Give thanks . For some people, especially if they are not your bosses, it can be psychologically difficult to give feedback: they know that they risk receiving criticism or rudeness in response. Therefore, try to immediately demonstrate to the person that your relationship with him is safe by saying: “Thank you.” This won’t be difficult to do if you remind yourself that constructive feedback is a sign of caring.
Design options
Among the constructive options for interacting with your aggression, it is also worth highlighting the two most effective.
1. Relieving tension.
When faced with offensive criticism, you abstract yourself from the situation - you don’t begin to hit back, play the silent game, or sort things out with the offender, but try to relieve your aggressive tension yourself.
For example, write a letter addressed to the enemy, with all possible reproaches and even insults. But don't send it!
What happens with this? You pour out all your negativity on paper without coming into direct contact with the critic. Do not develop a conflict, do not move on to open “military actions.”
You can also beat the offender. More precisely, not himself, but an invented “substitute” - a punching bag or an ordinary pillow.
Even if you break a couple of old plates or break unnecessary furniture at home, the internal tension will partially decrease - muscle relaxation will help you, allow you to loosen up and relax internally.
Unfortunately, even with such a seemingly constructive psychological defense during criticism, the problem remains in limbo.
2. Clarification of the situation.
You do not evaluate the interlocutor and his actions, do not talk about how it should have been and what is correct. Just trying to understand: what does this person need?
Questions to clarify the situation:
- What do you want from me?
- What do you miss about me?
- What do you think I should do?
It is clear that these questions may sound quite sarcastic, especially if the insult inflicted on you was open and intentional.
But in this situation, sarcasm is quite appropriate - this is one of the ways to show your own reciprocal aggression, albeit shown very carefully, in a mild form.
Such a reaction can be considered completely civilized, and therefore acceptable at any level of communication.
Just don’t wait for everything to reach the point of absurdity, to the highest boiling point.
At the very beginning, when you just noticed your own irritation, indignation, and thought that you had become a victim of injustice, start asking counter questions and clarifying the situation.
Ask the offender to more precisely formulate the essence of the claims and explain with examples what he expects from you.
Why does this work? When a person criticizes someone out of emotion, it is difficult for him to use logic.
It is not so easy for him to suddenly stop, think about the evidence and give reasonable examples.
Just remember that your goal is not to put your interlocutor in an uncomfortable position or drive him into a dead end.
You will gain nothing if the critic somehow justifies his own attacks. By and large, you shouldn't care what else he says.
The main thing is that with your remarks you communicate what you need!
So what do you need? With the help of counter questions, sarcasm, any other remarks or non-verbal methods of communication, learn to convey the following thought to your interlocutor: “Are you criticizing me? Wonderful. But I'm not going to criticize myself. I am completely satisfied with myself. So tell me in more detail what you want from me, or leave me alone.”
These are not words that should be spoken out loud. They must be implied, sound subtext.
In each specific case, you can ask questions that are appropriate to the situation. Their task is to reduce the degree of your internal tension directly during the conversation.
Then you won’t have to accumulate aggression in your soul, and then burn yourself from the inside or throw out grievances along with your own reserves of vital energy.
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