How to stop being shy and start singing: 10 simple steps

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What is it like for shy people? It is difficult for them to believe in themselves and their strengths, they are undeservedly forgotten in cheerful companies, sit on the sidelines, and have difficulty communicating with colleagues, superiors, acquaintances and strangers.

Shy people often cannot find loyal friends or a soul mate, and experience difficulties in work and other consumer areas. What to do? How to get rid of shyness and self-consciousness for children and adults?

Where does embarrassment come from?
Developing confidence in communication
Shyness in adulthood - how to re-educate yourself?
How to become more sociable?
How to start a conversation?
The connection between sociability and personal relationships
Affirmations on the way to getting rid of embarrassment

Become independent of other people's assessments

To get rid of shyness, you need to become independent from other people's assessments and opinions of others. You can't please everyone! Therefore, learn not to take anyone’s criticism personally and painfully.

Why is shyness more common in adolescence? Yes, because teenage maximalism does not allow you to see all the facets and nuances of some actions and events - this is good, and this is bad, this is white, and this is black.

Adults understand that there is nothing unambiguous - in addition to black and white, there is a whole palette of colors, and all situations are ambiguous. Therefore, it is easier to be an independent person and not have to depend so much on the opinions of other people.

If you find it difficult to relax and you are worried about what people might think of you, remember the words said by someone famous: “Don’t worry about what others think about you: they are too worried about what you think.” about them".

Causes of the problem

How to stop being withdrawn and shy? You should start by finding out the causes of the problem. Here are the main ones:

Lack of communication skills. This happens when a person spends too much time alone.
Genetic factor. Some character traits are inherited from parents.
Low self-esteem. If a person is not confident in himself, it is very difficult for him to build communications.
Psychological trauma. If a person has previously experienced severe stress due to public shame, most likely, in the future he will avoid communication in order to protect himself from new shocks.
Constant criticism. If a person is constantly criticized and belittled by family members, friends or colleagues, it is not surprising that he will lose self-confidence and become withdrawn.

Get rid of the controllers

Identify the person (or several persons) who plays the role of an “examiner” in your life, the one who constantly commands you, the one whose opinion dominates you, the one who from time to time speaks exclusively in a negative way about your actions and actions.

Of course, finding him among your surroundings is sometimes not easy, because you are accustomed to his command and take everything at face value, not for a second admitting that this person could somehow harm you. If you have found him, but for certain reasons you cannot completely get rid of his “guardianship,” reduce the distance.

How to improve your communication skills?

To become a sociable person, you will have to work hard, but upgrading yourself is the best investment in the future.

Girls will stop making “little hands” when they see you. Forget about the pioneer distance, sweaty palms and stupid tackles. After leveling up from the “spineless schmuck” level, you will evolve to “I would give it to him.”
You don't have to hang out with the same losers. Meet interesting people who will give you a boost to self-development. Don’t lower the bar, look for friends with whom you can discuss not only chicks and booze.
A person who knows how to present himself correctly will never work for two pennies. If your life is a complete Groundhog Day, you have a hell of a chance to fix it.

Non-verbal

A simple way to understand who is in front of you - a strong man or an undercover sucker. Even if you make a speech in front of the mirror 100,500 times, your body will give you away.

You don't look into your eyes like a puppy who has peed in the wrong place.
You are nervous, fidgeting, twirling your smartphone in your sweaty palms.
You sound quiet and uncertain, like a schoolboy taking an exam.
You smile stupidly or are unnaturally serious.
You try to keep your distance from your interlocutor, although he does not have the plague and will not infect you.

It is your appearance that reflects that you are unsure of yourself and are afraid of screwing up. So right now, get off your ass and start practicing your nonverbal skills. You need practice. You may theoretically be able to swim, but if you are kicked out of the boat, you will drown. Because I never trained. It's the same bullshit with non-verbals. Learn to project the right emotions. You're pissed off until your knees tremble, but your interlocutor will never understand this from your half-smile and relaxed pose.

Love yourself for who you are

If the reason for your shyness is a rejection of something in yourself, be it a character trait or some physiological feature, or something else that you don’t like about yourself and try to hide it or not demonstrate it again, ask yourself a couple of questions - “What prompts me to so frantically hide this property, this trait from other people?

What happens if I, having first accepted it for myself, open it to others?” In order to get rid of shyness, first imagine it mentally, and only then transfer your vision and mood into reality.

Learn to objectively and calmly see yourself from the outside without judgment or evaluation. Such an outwardly neutral vision will little by little awaken in you positive emotions, a feeling of love and joy both for the whole world and for yourself, as a part of this world. Direct this love towards what you dislike about yourself. Everything will work out!

How to overcome timidity and shyness?

1. Make it a rule to be the first to greet others. Firstly, you yourself will notice that the more often, the easier it is, and secondly, quantity (where should it go) turns into quality, and you will soon be ready to say more!

2. Be confident (or pretend to be confident). Straighten your shoulders and lift your chin higher, letting the world know (and at the same time reminding yourself) that you showed up, and you represent something.

3. Don’t be afraid to look people in the eye: the interlocutor will understand that you are interested in him and will reciprocate.

4. Master the science of small talk. Start with people with whom you find it easy and simple, gradually switching to prospective friends.

5. Prepare a reason for conversation. A little imagination and you will understand that there are a million ways to attract attention: a book in your hand, an unusual piece of jewelry or a piece of clothing - and striking up a conversation with those who are interested is as easy as shelling pears...

6. Actively question. If you are not feeling well in a conversation with someone, ask more questions that require lengthy answers.

7. Nerve cells are not restored. Don't be nervous before a party or date. It is better to relax, listen to pleasant music. “Breathe deeper, more evenly, you are calm.”

8. Autotraining. Remind yourself periodically that you are a diamond worthy of admiration.

9. There's no harm in dreaming. And it's very useful. Imagine yourself chatting freely with classmates on any topic, the leader in a large company, half of which are your ardent fans. Plausible? When you believe, you can do it.

10. I'm not myself! Do you want a surefire cure for shyness? Theatre studio. Many outstanding actors also had to overcome shyness. The art of transformation helps you look at yourself from the outside.

11. Life is a theater. Are you still an insecure person? Try to play your antipode, yourself in reverse, until you get used to the character completely and irrevocably.

12. Create your own image. It’s no wonder if you have a complex about a too short skirt or a bad haircut. It's worth taking the time to create your own style.

13. Who does not take risks... Try to do what you are most afraid of. If anything comes out that you previously had to give up on, congratulations. Victory is yours!

14. If you have liberated yourself, help someone else. Support a shy stranger in company, and then both will not be bored with shyness.

15. Realize that you are not alone. By the way, even the president is afraid of public speaking!

16. Accept shyness as a fact. Of course, because of your shyness, you don’t want to seem like a nonentity. But keep in mind that the world is good because it consists of all sorts of different personalities, including phlegmatic people and people who simply love solitude. So don't overdo it, because you are you.

But remember, low self-esteem is a terrible thing. If you have a low opinion of yourself, your abilities and appearance, then do not expect that other people will rush to dispel your doubts. On the contrary, they will perceive you exactly as you see yourself. You are driving yourself into a stupid situation: you are afraid of being rejected by those whom you consider better than yourself, and therefore you are trying too hard to please them: you don’t risk objecting, you smile too much, you are afraid of inadvertently offending. As a result, they simply stop taking you seriously.

There are not so many lucky ones among us who have never been hit by fate: they were not humiliated by teachers, they were not teased by classmates, their parents never said that everyone’s children are like children, only you are growing up as a klutz. Who hasn’t been abandoned by girls (guys), and who’s “first time” turned out just right?

Sooner or later, even the most lucky person spoiled by fate can get a punch on the nose, and as a result, his self-confidence will sharply drop, including in his virtues. If something similar happened to you, do not rush to count yourself as a failure. Even if it was a very serious defeat, try to look at it from a bird’s eye view, relate it to your whole life. Surely there were much more successes and achievements, and, of course, there are areas of life in which you always feel like a fish in water, and where nothing threatens. It is in these areas that you try to regain your lost balance.

Tags: shyness, timidity, self-consciousness, psychology

You have the right, the right to...

As soon as you start to feel awkward in communication, remember that every person has a right: the right to independence; the right to evaluate one’s own actions and feelings; the right to make mistakes and be responsible for one’s actions; the right to say “no” without feeling guilty; the right not to make excuses; the right to dislike; the right not to know something; the right to make ridiculous and illogical decisions, of course, if it does not harm others.

If at first things don’t turn out the way you would like, don’t be discouraged. Give yourself the right to make mistakes - this is one of the main conditions that will help you overcome shyness.

We are training how to stop being shy about people

There are many tips and psychological practices that can become a kind of training. Choose the options that suit you and start putting them into practice. A good result will be if such exercises become daily. Here are some ideas for overcoming people's shyness:

Don't consider yourself the center of attention.

The big mistake of a shy person is the belief that others are closely watching him and evaluating every gesture. Believe me, most passers-by do not pay any attention to you at all, but are exclusively occupied with themselves and their loved ones.

Start saying hello.

Of course, you shouldn’t greet everyone, but it’s quite decent to say hello to those you often meet but haven’t greeted before. Depending on the degree of sociability of the interlocutor, even a neutral “Hello” can serve as a reason for conversation.

Talk to strangers more often.

Forget about M.A. Bulgakov’s warning and periodically be the first to speak with strangers, preferably with random passers-by. Since the possibility of meeting them again is practically zero, you can safely hone your communication skills on them. Possible options:

- “Can you tell me how to get to the library?” (just don’t repeat the Coward’s mistakes from the unforgettable “Operation Y”).

— Ask the seller at the market to recommend the best variety of apples, cucumbers, etc. Unobtrusively switch to communication about the assortment, weather, politics... As a bonus, you will receive delicious products.

The most talkative and friendly contingent are elderly people: they have nowhere to rush and often they themselves feel the need to communicate.

Warm up before the conversation you want to have.

Want to talk to someone at a party, but are afraid to approach them first? Practice on those around you, whom you are less shy about. Try to tell them what you want to say to the person you want. A bit of humor wouldn't hurt either: imagine you're taking a stagecraft exam.

Prepare for public speaking.

Don't limit yourself to just reciting a prepared speech. Try to imagine that it was a success with the audience (stormy applause, cries of “encore”).

Method No. 7: Review your social circle

It happens that when a person finds himself in a new place or in a new company, he becomes open and self-confident. But, returning to its usual habitat, it again hides in its cocoon. This means that the problem is not in you, but in the environment. Or rather, in the people who surround you. If you are constantly criticized, belittled, ridiculed, or told that you won’t succeed, then it’s time to reconsider your social circle. Don't let people who make you feel insecure get too close to you.

Advice from psychologists

Psychologists give a lot of advice on how to stop being shy. The most effective of them:

Cleaning screen technique. Do you have a negative experience in the past that makes you feel shy? Here's an easy solution. Close your eyes and imagine a screen with an unpleasant scene on it. Turn away from him. Take a few breaths, then turn back to the screen and exhale slowly. Imagine how the air washes away the unpleasant image from the screen. Do this exercise until the picture on the screen fades.
Don't criticize yourself and the people around you. Praise yourself and other people, accept everyone for who they are. Learn to let go of unpleasant situations and forget negative experiences.
Don't assume that every single relationship is exclusive . Treat yourself easier. Don't immediately think that this is what you once dreamed of. After all, you immediately want to become resourceful, smart, quick-witted and attractive for a person. Communicate for the sake of the process, do not chase the result.
You need to praise your interlocutor and ask for his opinion. When meeting in person, by phone or in correspondence, you should praise your interlocutor more often. He will be pleased, and you will understand that the situation is in your hands and you have nothing to fear anymore.

Use simple tips, don’t criticize others and yourself, and you can stop being afraid of communicating with people and will easily overcome life situations related to communication. You will stop being shy as soon as you learn to accept yourself as you are.

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